The Sisters”

Posted on December 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is all about family, love, and …. CRIME!

Episode 1.18 “Last of the Stubings / Million Dollar Man / The Sisters”

(dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on February 4th, 1978)

Fresh from having given Isaac a lesson in black history during the previous cruise, Captain Stubing is excited to give the rest of the crew a lesson about his family. The Stubings have a long and noteworthy Naval tradition and the Captain is proud to announce that his nephew, L. Courtney Stubing IV (Peter Isacksen), has been accepted to Annapolis. But, before going to school, he’s going to work on the Pacific Princess and show everyone that he is a natural-born sailor. The only problem is that Courtney Stubing is not a natural-born sailor. Instead, he’s a tall, clumsy, near-sighted, and kind of goony guy who has no idea how to talk to the passengers and who would rather be a ballet dancer. The problem, along with the fact that he’s the last of the young Stubings and expected to carry on the family tradition, is that he’s just as bad at dancing as he is at everything else.

Now, I have to give some credit to Gavin MacLeod here because he made this storyline work. The scene where, having finally realized the truth of about his nephew, Captain Stubing tells Courtney that it’s okay not to become a sailor and that he should find out what he’s good at was well-written and sensitively acted by MacLeod. It was about as honest a moment as you’ll probably ever find on a show like The Love Boat.

While the Stubings were bonding, two sisters were fighting. Rose (Marion Ross) was upset that Noreen (Pat Crowley) was spending all of her time with the handsome Clark Tyler (Brett Halsey). Seeing as how I mostly know Hasley from his starring role in Lucio Fulci’s Touch of Death, I would have been more concerned for Noreen’s safety than upset that she was ignoring me. Anyway, it was kind of boring story but it all worked out in the end. Marion Ross would go on to become the Love Boat’s most frequent passenger, though she always played a different character. Eventually, she even played a woman who married Captain Stubing but we’ve got a long way to go until we reach that point.

A long, loooooooooong way.

Meanwhile, two passengers found love. Unfortunately, it was only after they slept together that Stephanie (Marcia Strassman) discovered that Bill (Frank Converse) had stolen a million dollars from his employer and Bill discovered that Stephanie was a cop. Stephanie explained that she would be required to arrest Bill as soon as the ship returned to the United States. Bill considered running off to Mexico but, in the end, he decided to face justice in the U.S., on the condition that Stephanie would be waiting for him after he got out of prison. Honestly, I think it would have made more sense for Stephanie to just join Bill in Mexico and thy two of them could have built a new life there. I mean, they’ve got a million dollars! But, whatever. Strassman and Converse had a lot of chemistry so, despite yourself, you really do hope that things will work out for them while you’re watching the episode.

And I hope things work for you as well, as we sail towards 2023! The Love Boat will return.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.17 “Winner Take Love / The Congressman Was Indiscreet / Isaac’s History Lesson”

Posted on December 21, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, things get awkward as we set sail on The Love Boat!

Episode 1.17 “Winner Take Love / The Congressman Was Indiscreet / Isaac’s History Lesson”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on January 28th, 1978)

It’s the most awkward cruise ever!

A beauty contest is being held on the ship! The winner becomes Ms. Pacific Princess and, along with getting a lot of money, she also sacrifices a year of her life so that she can go on free cruises and promote the Pacific Princess line. Along with being beautiful, the winner is also expected to be “virtuous.” Of course, judging from The Love Boat, the cruise line seems to specifically cater to people who are desperately looking to get laid so the rules seem to be a bit hypocritical.

The head of the contest, Waldo Linden (Graham Jarvis), recruits Captain Stubing to act as host. Unfortunately, after Stubing gets a few laughs from the jokes that Waldo has written for him, the Captain turns into a prima donna. He starts punching up the script on his own. Waldo, however, has even more to worry about than the captain. Suzy (Maureen McCormick), one of the contestants, is secretly traveling with her boyfriend, Rick (Bobby Sherman). When Waldo tries to disqualify Suzy for not being “virtuous,” another contestant, the klutzy Jeanette (Priscilla Barnes), asks that Waldo help her zip up her dress and, after Waldo kisses her, she points out that Waldo hasn’t been living up to his own standards. Due to Jeanette’s blackmail, Suzy is allowed to compete and she wins! But then she refuses the crown so that she can marry Rick and, as a result, Jeanette becomes Miss Pacific Princess.

While that’s going on, scandal-plagued Congressman John Whitcomb (Dick Van Patten) falls in love with Robin Brandt (Vickie Lawrence). What the Congressman doesn’t know is that Robin works for a tabloid newspaper and Robin’s editor expects Robin to report on whether or not allegations of an affair are going to led to Whitcomb resigning his seat.

All of that is certainly awkward but it’s nothing compared to the third storyline. Almost everyone loves passenger Virgil Gibson (played by the engaging Scatman Crothers), who is always the life of the party and who loves to make people laugh. The only person who doesn’t like him is Prof. Stephanie Hayden (Vernee Watson), who is on the cruise to work on a study about African-American history. Hayden feels the Virgil is acting like a fool and playing into all of the demeaning stereotypes that white people have about black people. Hayden encourages Isaac to learn more about his background and soon, Isaac is being rude to Virgil and telling him not to call people “boss.”

Captain Stubing notices this. He approaches Isaac — while Isaac is working — and says, “I notice you’ve been reading a lot of black history.”

AGCK! As soon as the very white Captain Stubing says those words to Isaac, the cringing begins.

Stubing goes on to explain that Virgil was a pitcher in the Negro Baseball Leagues and that, if not for him, blacks would never have made it into the major leagues. “And I wouldn’t be serving drinks on this cruise,” a remorseful Isaac says. “And I wouldn’t be teaching,” Stephanie agrees. Stubing goes on to explain that Virgil is acting the way he acts because that’s the way blacks were expected to behave when Virgil was a young man. After being chastised by the ship’s white authority figure, Isaac and Stephanie agree that they were wrong to judge Virgil.

And, in many ways, Captain Stubing does have a point about judging people and Isaac and Stephanie were being a bit harsh in their dismissal of Virgil. But that doesn’t change the fact that this episode features the extremely white Captain Stubing explaining black history to not only the ship’s only black employee but also a black college professor who has spent her entire academic career researching and writing about black history. Stubing is essentially telling two black people how they should interpret and feel about black history. It’s incredibly weird to watch and one has to wonder why the writers thought that Stubing — as opposed to Virgil himself — was the correct character to explain Virgil’s past and Virgil’s character. It just doesn’t feel right, at all.

That said, there was a lot to like about this episode. Scatman Crothers shows the same charm here that he showed in The Shining. As cringey as Captain Stubing is when he lectures on black history, the plotline of him turning into a diva was actually pretty funny and Gavin MacLeod seemed to be having fun playing up the pompous side of the character. The beauty pageant subplot was dumb but Maureen McCormick actually gave a pretty good performance as Suzy. This episode had its moments though, in the end, it will always be defined by the awkwardness.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/11/22 — 12/17/22

Posted on December 17, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I did a lot of binge watching this week so the list below probably less impressive than it actually is. Anyway, here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week:

California Dreams (YouTube)

Yay! I’ve finally reaches season 3, which is what most people consider to be the start of “classic” California Dreams. I like season 3 because it’s the season that introduces the character to whom I most relate, Lorena.

Casey Anthony: Where The Truth Lies (Peacock)

I finally watched the Casey Anthony documentary on Peacock. This was basically a three-episode interview with Casey and the creepy weirdos who have been supporting her since she got away with murdering her daughter. Whoops, did I just show my bias? Oh well. Casey claims that she has spent the last ten years in hiding but now, she’s finally ready to tell her story and try to get people to blame her father for Caylee’s death. Of course, as many people have pointed out, Casey has frequently been seen at bars, concerts, and protest marches over the past ten years so I’m not really sure I’m buying into her social anxiety argument. Nor am I buying that Casey suddenly decided that it was time to present her side of the story. We all know that she got paid to appear in this documentary. Time are tough, especially when your claim to fame is that you probably got away with murdering your daughter.

Here’s a few thoughts I jotted down:

Casey cries a lot but she never actually gets any tears in her eyes.

Casey does a lot of performative cursing whenever she’s trying to convince the viewer that she was treated unfairly but it all sounds forced.

If nothing else, Casey obviously understands the power of presenting yourself as being a victim in today’s society.

After her acquittal, Casey was more or less adopted by two older men and two older women who worked on her defense team. The scenes in which they all meet and tell Casey how proud they are of her are creepy. One gets the feeling that Casey played on their paternal and maternal instincts in much the same way that she tries to manipulate the people watching the show.

The documentary makes one valid point, which is that the case against Casey was made up largely of innuendo and appeals to emotion. But then, the entire third episode uses the exact same technique to smear George Anthony as being a pedophile and a murderer. The documentary mentions that neither George nor Casey’s brother chose to respond to Casey’s accusations against them but, to be honest, why should they?

A few cops are allowed to explain why they think Casey is guilty. As opposed to when Casey speaks, they don’t get the benefit of heroic music playing in the background during their interviews. As well, there are no animated recreations of the police’s theory of what happened. Casey, however, not only tells her side but is helped by animated recreations of her story.

Not mentioned during the program was the claim that lead defense attorney Jose Baez told one of his investigators that 1) he was sleeping with Casey and 2) Casey had confessed to murdering Caylee. Indeed, for all the time that the program spent detailing how the members of Casey’s defense team have “adopted” Casey, it appears that she’s no longer in contact with Jose Baez.

Also not mentioned was that a real-life woman named Zenaida Gonzalez received death threats due to Casey lying about where she had left Caylee.

I never thought I’d see a true crime documentary as one-sided and smarmy as A&E’s The Murder of Laci Peterson but Casey Anthony: Where The Truth Lies proved me wrong. Shame on everyone involved and shame on me for watching it.

Don’t Pick Up The Phone (Netflix)

This disturbing, 3-part documentary from Netflix took a look at the so-called Strip Search Phone Call Hoaxes of the 90s and the early aughts. For several years, someone repeatedly called fast food restaurants and, after claiming to be a cop, said that one of the female employees had been accused of theft and that it would be necessary for the managed to strip search them. A lot of managers saw through the hoax and hung up but, disturbingly, a large number of them followed the orders of the caller. (The film Compliance was based on one such call.) This was a disturbing and sad documentary but an important one. It took a look at what happens when authority is blindly trusted. There’s very little people won’t do under the pretense of “just following orders.”

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here! And then I watched several more episodes, reviews of which will appear over the next few weeks.

Law & Order: SVU (Hulu)

After watching Don’t Pick Up The Phone, I watched a 2009 episode of Law & Order: SVU that was inspired by the Strip Search Caller. Robin Williams played the caller. It was a pretty uneven episode, as SVU tends to be sometimes. Williams had some good moments but overall, it was a bit too heavy-handed. At one point, Williams’s caller became a political activist and appeared on Morning Joe. “Did you guys catch Morning Joe?” Captain Cragen asked his detectives and I had to laugh. I’m sure blue collar New York cops schedule their entire day around catching the MSNBC lineup.

The Love Boat (Paramount)

I watched a few episodes this week. Check out my latest review here!

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I was surprised when Gabler won but the more I think about it, the happier I am with the result. I wrote about the finale of Survivor at Reality TV Chat Blog!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.15 & 1.16 “The Eyes of Love / Masquerade / Hollywood Royalty / The Caper: Parts 1 & 2”

Posted on December 14, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s episode of The Love Boat is one of historical value so let’s climb aboard and get to it!

Episodes 1.15 & 1.16 “The Eyes of Love / Masquerade / Hollywood Royalty / The Caper: Parts 1 & 2”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on January 21st, 1978)

This is an important episode for two reasons.

First off, this episode marked the first time that the opening credits featured video of the guest stars along with their names. This was the only time that this was done during the first season, though it would become a regular feature of the show from the second season forward.

Secondly, excluding the three pilot films that aired before the series was ordered, this was the first super-sized two hour episode of The Love Boat. This episode is split into two parts when it airs in syndication, which is why it’s listed as being the 15th and the 16th episode of The Love Boat.

Oddly enough, despite all of that, it’s pretty much a standard episode. Usually, whenever a TV shows airs an extra-long episode, it’s because some important event is occurring. Usually, either someone’s getting married or someone’s leaving the show or maybe an actor died and the show needs an extra hour to pay tribute to them. In this case, though, it’s just a typical cruise of the love boat, complete with three separate stories and a lot of time spent looking at the ocean.

For instance, Roz Rogers (Michele Lee) and Bill Teague (Fernado Lamas) are a famous and glamorous Hollywood couple who book a voyage and who are followed all the way to the dock by the paparazzi. As quickly becomes clear, Bill and Roz’s relationship is not as perfect as the world believes. Still, Bill is convinced that their relationship can be fixed by Roz co-starring in an old-fashioned adventure film that he wrote. Along with having written the script, Bill hopes to direct, produce, and star in it. Roz is a bit skeptical but fear not, everything works out in the end and she finally convinces Bill that she loves him for him and not because he’s a star.

Roz boards the boat with not just Bill’s script but also a large and valuable diamond. A group of jewelry thieves follow her onto the boat, hoping to steal the diamond for themselves. Vernon (Howard Gould) is the arrogant leader of the group. Taffy (Karen Valentine) distracts Gopher, Doc, and the Captain by flirting with them. Elwood (Larry Storch) is the group’s technician. And Ox (John Schuck) is the muscle who tends to take things literally. When the first attempt to steal the jewel fails, Vernon disguises himself as Captain Stubing and Gavin MacLeod gets a chance to do something more than just look slightly annoyed by the crew. To be honest, I actually enjoyed the jewelry theft subplot far more than I was expecting. Gould, Valentine, Storch, and Schuck all seemed to be having fun playing off of each other. Plus, the whole story ended with a nice little twist that James Cameron would later use in Titanic.

(No, the Love Boat does not sink.)

While this is going on, a blind girl named Jenny (Stephanie Zimbalist) is stunned to discover that one of her former classmates, Steve (Desi Arnaz, Jr.), is also on the boat. Jenny and Steve fall in love but Steve has recently gotten back his sight and Jenny worries that he won’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone who can’t see. Fortunately, it turns out that Jenny’s wrong.

Finally, Alan (Dan Rowan) is horrified to discover that not only are both his wife (Juliet Mills) and his mistress (Adrienne Barbeau) on the cruise together but that they’ve become friends. Alan was an adulterous jerk so it was pretty difficult to really care about this story.

Again, it was pretty much a typical episode of The Love Boat, despite the extra length and the inclusion of a masquerade ball during the episode’s 2nd hour. That said, the thieves were funnier than they had any right to be and the Jenny/Steve storyline was sweet. The ocean scenery was lovely. That’s really all I ask from The Love Boat. This episode delivered.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/4/22 — 12/10/22

Posted on December 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I watched a little television this week but not a lot of it. It’s the holidays and I’ve been busy decorating and gift buying. Plus, I had to go the freaking DMV on Thursday to get my license renewed and that took almost all day. Anyway, here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Abbott Elementary was cute this week. It was kind of nice to see everyone’s life outside of the school. I guess Ava’s boyfriend was a famous basketball player or somebody? I will admit that I did laugh when he got out of that limo, looked down at Janine, and said, “She’s even shorter than you said.” That said, I’m a little worried that Janine is going to settle for Maurice and fall into the same trap that she found herself in with Tariq.

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Yay! I was so excited when Derek and Claire crossed that finish line. I always felt that neither one of them was really treated fairly on Big Brother so it was nice to see them get rewarded. Plus, they’re just an adorable couple. I wrote about the finale of The Amazing Race over at Reality TV Chat Blog.

California Dreams (YouTube)

Surf dudes with attitude …. next week, I’m starting Season 3 and I’m looking forward to it. Season 3 through 5 are the classic California Dreams era. Basically, California Dreams can be split into two separate parts: the pre-Lorena era and the Lorena era. Lorena is the character to whom I’ve always related.

City Guys (Tubi)

The neat guys …. smart and streetwise …. I watched so many episodes of City Guys this week that it made my head hurt. Read my thoughts on two of those episodes here!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

Usually, Chef Ramsey seems to secretly like all of the chefs, even the ones that he sends home. But last night, I got the feeling that his dislike for Vlad was very, very real. I feel a bit bad for Vlad but, at the same time, using a cake thermometer to cook meat is not something that a head chef should ever do. That’s like something I would do and there’s no way I’d last more than one dinner service on Hell’s Kitchen.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

Once again, Nolan complained that he wasn’t sure if he could “morally” prosecute a case. Fortunately, this week, McCoy kind of told him to stop bitching and just do his job. Good for McCoy! I mean, I have yet to see any evidence of Price’s high morals causing him to refuse his paycheck.

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

This week’s episode featured a chimpanzee and a nose job! I wrote about it here.

Survivor (Thursday Night, CBS)

Wow! I was stunned when Cody was voted out. Jesse will betray anyone but I also think he’s probably now in a very strong position to win the game next week. I wrote about Survivor at Reality TV Chat Blog.

Like I said, I didn’t watch much this week. I’ve been busy getting ready for the holidays and for a special person’s birthday. I hope everyone’s having a wonderful month! Can you believe 2022 is almost over?

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.14 “Isaac’s Double Standard / One More Time / Chimpanzeeshines”

Posted on December 7, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for love and monkeys!

Episode 1.14 “Isaac’s Double Standard / One More Time / Chimpanzeeshines”

(Dir by James Sheldon and Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 14th, 1978)

This is a bit of an odd episode.

It’s odd because it features yet another stowaway. Somehow various characters were always managing to stow away on the boat. This week, the stowaway was a chimpanzee. How did a chimpanzee get on the boat? Gopher brought her on. Apparently, Gopher was under the impression that he had the week off so he agreed to look after a friend’s chimpanzee. Then he discover that he actually was working that week so he decided that it would be a good idea to smuggle the chimpanzee onto the boat. Of course, it doesn’t take long for Isaac and Julie to discover that Gopher has a chimpanzee in his cabin. Neither one of them appears to be surprised that Gopher has a friend who owns a chimpanzee. Me, I would want more information on whether or not Gopher’s friend worked for a circus or a zoo or a research lab. I mean, most people just don’t own chimpanzees as pets. Instead, everyone just accepts that Gopher is living with a monkey and that it is now their duty to keep Captain Stubing from finding out.

Of course, the chimpanzee gets loose. She runs around the ship, stealing food and clothes and surprising passengers. Fortunately, she’s a well-trained chimpanzee and she doesn’t try to kill anyone. In real life, Chimpanzees are known for being extremely dangerous and unpredictable. On shows like this, they’re adorable!

While looking for the chimp, Gopher meets and has a romance with Anne Parker (Kim Lankford), who has just had a nose job. She’s insecure about her new nose. Everyone assures her that her new nose looks great. And it does! As someone who spent most of her teen years planning on getting a nose job, I was really impressed with it. (For the record, I still have my original nose and I now realize I wouldn’t change it for the world.)

While Gopher is dealing with the chimp, Isaac is freaking out because his mother (Pearl Bailey) is on the ship with her new boyfriend (Arthur Adams) and they’re sharing a cabin! Isaac is being a little bit hypocritical because he happens to be sharing a cabin with his girlfriend, Charlene (Tracy Reed). Isaac finally realizes he’s not being fair and he accepts the fact that his mother is having sex at his workplace. So, it all works out.

Meanwhile, in our third storyline, Nanentte Fabray is a singer who is hired to provide the cruise’s entertainment. She’s upset to discover that her pianist (Don Adams) is also her ex-partner. Don’t worry, they get back together by the end of the cruise. Of course, everyone’s too busy looking for the chimpanzee to notice.

This was not a terrible episode, just an odd one. The Nanette Fabray/Don Adams storyline was pretty forgettable and, though it’s always cool when Ted Lange actually gets to do something other than make drinks, Isaac’s family situation played out predictably. What made this episode stand out, for better or worse, was all the business with the chimpanzee. How Gopher kept his job after that, I have no idea. Chimpanzees have been known to kill people if they get stressed out and being dragged onto a cruise ship by a stranger seems like it would be a stressful situation. Still, after all that, Gopher kept his job. I’m beginning to think that Captain Stubing might not be the disciplinarian that the crew things he is.

Next week, we’ve got more love but hopefully less monkeys.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.13 “Too Hot to Handle / Family Reunion / Cinderella Story”

Posted on November 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Love!

Episode 1.13 “Too Hot to Handle / Family Reunion / Cinderella Story”

(Dir by James Sheldon and Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 7th, 1978)

It’s time for another cruise with three separate stories!

Newlyweds George (John Rubinstein) and Sally Allison (a youngish Kathy Bates) board the Pacific Princess, hoping to enjoy the ideal honeymoon. Instead, it turns out to be one disaster after another. Sally gets sunburned. George gets poison ivy. Having gotten off the boat in Mexico, Sally returns to discover a totally different couple staying in what she thinks is her cabin. Uh-oh. It turns out that Sally accidentally got on the Sun Princess and the Pacific Princess has already set sail without her! This was a pretty simple storyline and, if anything, it mostly seemed to exist so that the show’s writers could see how many bad things that they could do to one perfectly innocent couple. But John Rubinstein and Katy Bates are so likable as George and Sally that the story works. You can’t help but hope the cruise gets a little better for them. Kathy Bates was 29 when she appeared on The Love Boat and there’s nothing about her performance that would necessarily make you say, “Hey, that’s a future Oscar winner!” But still, both she and John Rubinstein do a good job with the material that they’ve been given.

Meanwhile, Tommy (Bob Crane) is a middle-aged man who has been hired to work as a steward on the ship. Captain Stubing takes an immediate dislike to the irresponsible, womanizing Tommy. When he discovers that Tommy has been drinking on the job, Stubing comes close to firing him. However, Tommy confesses that he’s drinking because he’s just discovered that the daughter who he abandoned years ago is on the cruise. Wendy (Dori Brenner) has always believed that her father died in a shipwreck and she hopes that Stubing might know something about the wreck. Seeking to help out Tommy, Stubing tells a lot of lies about Wendy’s “deceased” father but Tommy finally breaks down and confesses the truth. At first, Wendy rejects Tommy but, with the help of her understanding husband (Robert Hays), she eventually forgives her father.

This storyline hinges on a huge coincidence. What are the chances that Tommy and Wendy would just happen to end up on the same cruise together and that Tommy would be assigned to serve as Wendy’s steward? On top of that, what are the chances that Wendy would just happen to have a picture of her mother sitting out where Tommy could see it? It’s all fairly predictable but, if you’ve seen Auto Focus, it’s interesting to watch Crane’s performance here. This episode aired just a few months before Crane was murdered in Arizona and it’s easy to see the charismatic but irresponsible and self-destructive Tommy as being a reflection of who Bob Crane himself had reportedly become at the time of his death. Tommy is a character who lives with a lot of emotional pain and regret and Crane is so surprisingly effective in the role that it’s hard not to wonder if perhaps, on some level, he related to Tommy.

Finally, in the show’s final storyline, Bill Edwards (Bruce Solomon) is a supermarket manager who has booked a cruise with his wife, Doreen (Judy Luciano). When a wealthy advertising exec cancels his trip, Julie and Gopher decide to let Bill and Doreen stay in the man’s luxury cabin. This, of course, leads to Stubing mistaking Bill for the ad exec! Suddenly, Bill and Doreen are sitting at the captain’s table and competing for an advertising contract! Eventually, the truth comes out but business tycoon Greg Beatty (David White) is so impressed with Bill’s ideas that he arranges for Bill to get a job with an actual advertising company. Mad Men it’s not! However, it’s still a charming little story, largely due to the performances of Bruce Solomon and Judy Luciano.

If last week’s episode was a “lesser Love Boat,” this week’s episode show just how much fun The Love Boat could be. Yes, all of the stories are fairly predictable but the guest stars all perform their roles with a lot of energy. Bob Crane brings a poignant sense of regret to his performance as Tommy while Bruce Solomon and Judy Luciano are exactly the type of attrative couple that you would want to meet on a cruise. And, as I said already, it’s impossible not to like John Rubinstein and Kathy Bates as the newlyweds who just can’t catch a break. The regular cast is used sparingly but effectively in this episode. Fred Grandy gets a nice scene where he has to explain to John Rubinstein that Kathy Bates got on the wrong boat. Bernie Kopell plays Doc Bricker as being an agent of chaos. It’s a fun episode and what more can you ask for?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/20/22 — 11/26/22

Posted on November 26, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving! Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week!

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!

The Brady Bunch (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

One of the Brady kids needed to make a movie for his Thanksgiving project. The entire family helped! Needless to say, Mike took it all way too seriously. The movie itself looked awful but I’m sure the Brady kid — I think it was Peter — got an A. No one ever had the courage to stand up to those Bradys.

California Dreams (YouTube)

Surf dudes with attitude….

Catholic Mass (Sunday Morning, The CW)

I always feel a bit weird watching Mass on television. This Sunday, I felt even stranger about watching it while wearing a bikini and getting ready to lay out on the deck of my cousin’s place at Lake Texoma. But, I did promise my sisters that I would try to go to Mass on Sunday so I did what I had to do!

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this classic on Wednesday. She wrote about why she loves this special a few years ago.

Cheers (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

I haven’t seen many episodes of this show but I’ve read all the online praise and I am an unabashed fan of Frasier Crane. The episode that I watched on Sunday was a Thanksgiving episode. A bunch of barflies decided to spend Thanksgiving together. Needless to say, it turned out to be a bit messy but also funny and even kind of heart-warming.

City Guys (Tubi)

They’re the neat guys. I wrote about them here.

Football (FOX, NBC, CBS, Thursday)

The family was watching football so I joined them, kind of. I cringed with every tackle and I felt terrible for the teams who lost. I mean, what a sucky way to spend Thanksgiving. Personally, I think they should allow for tie games so that everyone can be a winner! But apparently, that’s not the way that football works.

Frosty Returns (Friday Night, CBS)

Frosty’s back! But an evil businessman is going to destroy him with something called Summer Wheeze! The 90s version of Frosty The Snowman tries a bit too hard. I prefer the original.

Frosty the Snowman (Friday Night, CBS)

Yay! Santa was able to bring Frosty back to life! Seriously, I first saw this special when I was little and I was traumatized by melting Frosty! Trauma aside, I love these old Christmas specials.

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

I watched two episodes on Sunday. The first episode was from season one and it featured the Tanners having their first Thanksgiving since the death of Danny’s wife. This was actually one of the better episodes of Full House. This was followed by a much later episode of Full House, in which DJ finally got a boyfriend and started to show some independence from her overbearing family. Good for her!

Gilligan’s Island (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

A bank robber (played by Larry Storch) somehow ended up on the island. He menaced everyone with a gun, tried to hide his money, and then left without offering to help anyone else return to civilization. I haven’t seen many episodes of Gilligan’s Island but apparently, this was a fairly common occurrence on the show. For the record, I only watched this episode because I thought it was going to be Thanksgiving-themed but it wasn’t.

Happy Days (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

Upset that her family was more interested in football than fellowship, Marion Cunningham told the story of the First Thanksgiving. To be honest, Happy Days is one of those popular old shows that I just don’t get. The extremely enthusiastic “live audience” drives me crazy. That said, this was an okay episode. The cast got to dress up like pilgrims.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas (NBC, Friday Night)

I love Boris Karloff!

The Love Boat (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

MeTV aired a Thanksgiving episode of The Love Boat on Sunday. It was from season 6 so it’ll be a while before I get to review it as a part of my retro television reviews.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

I woke up early on Sunday morning and I watched six episodes of this show — that’s three hours! — as I had breakfast, cleaned up around the lakehouse, and packed for the trip home. The episodes were a bit random. It started with the Senior Prom episode, in which Zach realized that he still had feelings for Kelly. This was followed by the infamous Graduation episode, in which the entire school rallied to help Zach avoid summer school despite the fact that they didn’t owe Zach a damn thing. Then it was time for the “Time Capsule” clip show, in which a bunch of loser students gathered in Belding’s office to watch a VHS tape that had been left behind by Zach and the gang.

Time then moved backwards. Suddenly, Zach was meeting Slater for the first time, Zach and Slater were competing to take Kelly to the school dance, and Zach was pretending to be Candy in order to get Screech to do his homework.

All of these episodes were, of course, pretty dumb and cringey. But they made for nice background noise. At this point, I think I have ever episode of this silly show memorized.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of Survivor here!

WKRP IN Cincinnati (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

“Oh my God! They’re turkeys!” Jeff introduced me to the Thanksgiving episode of this classic sitcom a few years ago and, since then, watching it has become a Thanksgiving tradition. Poor Mr. Carlson!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.12 “The Old Man and the Runaway / The Painters / A Fine Romance”

Posted on November 23, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome aboard! We’re expecting you.

Episode 1.12 “The Old Man and the Runaway / The Painters / A Fine Romance”

(Directed by Stuart Margolin and James Sheldon, originally aired on December 24th, 1977)

Hey, this episode of The Love Boat aired on Christmas Eve! Oddly enough, unlike last week’s episode, it was not a holiday-themed episode. You really do have to wonder if there was some sort of scheduling snafu at ABC and perhaps the episodes were shown out-of-order. Then again, it could be that ABC realized that everyone would be busy getting ready for Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve so they decided to burn off a lesser episode while no one was watching.

(Doesn’t everyone spend Christmas Eve getting ready for Midnight Mass while their aunt tells them to dress more like the Virgin and less like the Magdalene? Or was that just my experience?)

Yes, this is a lesser episode of The Love Boat. It’s not a terrible episode but, at the same time, it’s not all the memorable. A big problem is that there’s not really much romance on this cruise. The show was called The Love Boat for a reason and, when there’s no love, it just doesn’t feel right.

For instance, one subplot dealt with two incompetent painters (played by Arte Johnson and Pat Morita) painting the captain’s office during the cruise. They kept screwing up the job, which led to Captain Stubing getting progressively more and more annoyed. From the start, I guessed that the punchline would be that the painters were screwing up on purpose so that they could stay on the boat and get a free cruise and …. yep, that’s exactly what it was. Johnson and Morita were a good comedy team but the story itself felt like filler.

Meanwhile, a grumpy old widower (Will Geer) discovered that he was sharing his cabin with a teenage runaway (Bayn Johnson), who had stowed away on the ship and who was planning on meeting up with her boyfriend in Mexico. Once he got over complaining about her being young and irresponsible, Geer convinced her to return to her parents. Again, it wasn’t terrible and Bayn Johnson did a good job of keeping her character from getting annoying but it felt a bit out of place on The Love Boat. Obviously, the 75 year-old man and the 16 year-old runaway weren’t going to fall in love and leave the ship arm-in-arm while the crew smiled knowingly. Instead, this was a typical generation gap story. The most interesting thing about this story is that this was the second time that a runaway managed to stowaway on the Love Boat. Does that boat not have a security team? Don’t you actually have to show your tickets to board the boat? How does these people keep sneaking aboard?

Finally, the third storyline felt a bit more like a Love Boat story. Cruise director Julie (Lauren Tewes) is super-excited when she sees that Sean McGlynn (Anson Williams) is a passenger on the cruise. Julie and Sean grew up together and Julie always had a crush on him. At first, Julie and Sean have fun hanging out but, whenever Julie tries to flirt, Sean panics and runs off. Julie worries that there’s something wrong with her (oh, Julie!) but …. nope, Sean’s a priest. Apparently, he was having a crisis of faith when he boarded the boat, which is why he didn’t tell anyone he was a priest. But, when his roommate (Tom Poston) has a heart attack, Sean delivers the last rites and his faith is restored. (Don’t worry. His roommate survives and has a surprisingly quick recovery. Doc Bricker is a miracle worker!) Anyway, Sean leaves the boat wearing his collar and Julie stays on the boat, no doubt waiting for someone else from her past to buy a ticket. It’s a bit of a shame, as Lauren Tewes and Anson Williams did make a cute couple. Then again, we all know that Julie and Gopher belong together.

Like I said, this was not a terrible episode. It just wasn’t particularly memorable. It needed just a bit more romance. After all, love is life’s sweetest reward.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.11 “Lonely at the Top/Silent Night/Divorce Me, Please”

Posted on November 16, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to spend the holidays on the big seas!

Episode 1.11 “Lonely at the Top/Silent Night/Divorce Me, Please”

(Dir by Alan Baron, originally aired on December 10th, 1977)

Yay! It’s a Christmas cruise!

Every season, The Love Boat did a special Christmas episode. Last year, MeTV presented a marathon on Love Boat Christmases and what I discovered is that every Christmas episode featured the crew working through the holidays and missing their families. Nearly every Christmas episode also featured someone dressing up as Santa Claus and at least one veteran of the Golden Age of Hollywood.

The very first Christmas episode opens with the Julie, Isaac, Gopher, and Doc talking about how much they miss their families. We find out that Gopher’s family lives on a farm. Julie is from Oregon. Doc is from Las Vegas. (The show always tried to portray Doc as being some sort of Sinatra-style swinger, despite the fact that he was played by the very even-tempered Bernie Kopell.) Their conversation is interrupted by Captain Stubing who explains that 1) he’s divorced and 2) he’s a middle-aged man who doesn’t get along with his stepmother. Not only does he not have a family but the sea is his home and he has more to worry about than everyone’s holiday spirit.

Much as with Doc being a swinger, Captain Stubing being a stern taskmaster was a recurring theme during the first season of The Love Boat. The crew was always talking about how Stubing had a reputation for demanding perfection for those working under him and being quick to fire anyone who failed to live up to his standards. And yet, we never really see anything that would back up Stubing’s fearsome reputation. Just as how Bernie Kopell was a bit too even-tempered to be believable as a legendary playboy, Gavin MacLeod was a bit too naturally pleasant to be believable as someone who would strike fear in the hearts of his crew. While I have no idea what Gavin MacLeod was like offscreen, when he’s onscreen he comes across as being likable and friendly. Whenever Captain Stubing is meant to be upset or disappointed with his crew, he comes across as being more petulant than fearsome. That’s certainly the case in this episode. Captain Stubing may say that he’s not into the holidays but you never believe him.

Of course, that works to this episode’s advantage. Realizing that he’s failing to bond with his crew and that his lack of holiday spirit is rubbing everyone the wrong way, Stubing turns to Father Mike (Dick Sargent) for advice. Father Mike is escorting a group of children to an orphanage in Mexico but he still takes time to give Stubing some counseling. Let the crew know that you care about them, Father Mike says. Stubing attempts to do so but his attempts at small talk are so awkward that the crew just becomes more frightened of him. Finally, Stubing resorts to dressing up like Santa Claus. The crew may be scared of him but Father Mike’s orphans love him. Anyway, it all works out in the end and believe it or not, I actually did find myself getting invested in this very silly storyline. Gavin MacLeod may not have been believable as a stern captain but he was likable enough that it’s hard not to feel bad about him having a bad holiday.

While this is going on, Dan Barton (John Gavin) and his wife, Lila (Donna Mills), attempt to enjoy the holiday cruise. The only problem is that Dan has just been released from prison and he is struggling to adjust to being on the outside. No soon has Dan boarded the ship then he spots his former law partner, Walter (Dean Santoro). Walter committed the crime that Dan went to prison for and Dan becomes obsessed with getting revenge on him. Lila, meanwhile, wonders if Dan will ever give up his anger. There’s something a bit jarring about going from Captain Stubing dressing up like Santa Claus to Dan Barton plotting to murder someone. John Gavin gave a good performance but the shift in tone between his story and the rest of the episode was almost too extreme. It’d be like if they had made an episode of The Office where Pam suddenly found herself tempted to cheat on Jim with a member of the documentary crew. Tonally, it just felt out of place.

Finally, everyone thinks that Paul (Shecky Greene) and Audrey Baynes (Florence Henderson) are the perfect couple but actually, they’re both sick of each other and they spend most of their time thinking about getting a divorce. The gimmick here is that we hear their thoughts. So, Paul will tell Audrey how much he loves her and then we’ll hear him think something like, “Yeah, I’d love to toss you overboard.” It’s a one joke premise that gets old pretty quickly. Also, needless to say, this is The Love Boat and not The Divorce Boat. Things work out.

My reaction to this episode was a bit mixed but, to be honest, I like Christmas shows. Even if they’re not perfect, I still like them. And it was hard for me not to smile at the Christmas tree in the ship’s lounge or at all the decorations hanging on the ship’s walls. The Captain’s story had a lot of Christmas spirit and I enjoyed that. If you can’t spend the holidays at home, The Love Boat seems like a good substitute.