Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.16 “The Challenge/A Genie Named Joe”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Fantasy Island reminds us why we love this show in the first place.

Episode 5.16 “The Challenge/A Genie Named Joe”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on February 13th, 1982)

Now, this is a great episode!

Julie doesn’t appear in this episode, beyond the usual stock footage that appears at the start of every season 5 episode.  In fact, Julie isn’t even mentioned in this episode.  Instead, it’s Roarke and Tattoo all the way.  Roarke and Tattoo greet the visitors together.  Tattoo is the one who helps Roarke put the fantasies together.  Roarke and Tattoo say goodbye to everyone at the end.  In a way, this episode felt like a throwback to the first two seasons of Fantasy Island.

The fantasies feel like throwbacks to the first two seasons as well, with both of them featuring interesting guest stars and just enough twists to keep things interesting.  We’ve got one comedic fantasy and one dramatic fantasy but the comedic fantasy is not too silly and the dramatic fantasy is not too serious.  The episode manages to strike a pretty good balance between the two so, for once, neither fantasy feels rushed or short-changed.

The comedic fantasy features Kim Darby as Rebecca Walters, who wants to find a husband who is courteous and handsome.  Tattoo takes her out to the magical Fantasy Island lagoon, where she meets a genie named …. well, he has a really long genie name but fortunately, he’s happy to be called Joe (Larry Linville).  Joe can grant Rebecca three wishes.  As always happens with genies, Rebecca wastes her first two wishes.  For instance, when she says that it’s a little bit too warm for her, Joe grants her wish and temporarily turns Fantasy Island into a winter wonderland, complete with snow and Christmas music playing.  (Seriously, the sight of snow on Fantasy Island was surprisingly charming, as was Tattoo’s shocked reaction.)  In the end, of course, Rebecca comes to discover that she loves Joe.  Joe transforms from a genie-into-a-man and they leave the Island together.  It was a charming and cute fantasy.  Both Darby and Linville seemed to be having fun with their roles and they had a surprising amount of chemistry together.  This was a fun fantasy.

As for the dramatic fantasy, it allowed us to learn a little about the history of the Island.  Apparently, centuries ago, the Island belonged to a Spanish sea captain.  Ruthless tycoon Douglas Picard (Vic Morrow) came across the deed to the island after he moved into a villa that once belonged to the captain.  Picard claims that the Island is legally his.  Roarke points out that the deed is several centuries old and that it would take years for the legal system to sort out who owned what.  Picard challenges Roarke to three challenges to decide who will own the island, challenges that will test the mind, body, and spirit of the two men.  The person to win two of the matches also wins the Island.  Roarke agrees.

Here’s the thing that I find interesting about all of this.  First off, it’s implied that the Spanish sea captain was a part of the Spanish Armada.  Why would the Spanish Armada have been in the South Pacific?  Even more importantly, though, was the island still capable of granting fantasies when it was owned the Captain?  Are the fantasies created by the Island or by Mr. Roarke?  The case for the Island being magical can be found in this very episode, in which Tattoo takes Rebecca to a lagoon inhabited by a genie.  Throughout the series, there have been many such locations on the Island.  But Roarke himself is clearly more than just the charming owner of a resort.  Ricardo Montalban once said that he felt Roarke was a fallen angel who was doing penance on the Island.  That’s an interesting idea and would certainly explain why Roddy McDowall’s Devil always seemed to want to steal Roarke’s soul.  Of course, the Blumhouse film and the recently-canceled reboot both suggested that Fantasy Island has had many different caretakers but I’m not sure that I consider either one of those to be canonical.  I kind of like the idea Roarke having lived on the Island for centuries, like Richard on Lost.

Anyway, the three competitions are actually pretty interesting.  The first one is a chess match that is won by Roarke.  The second one features Roarke and Picard arm-wrestling over a killer spider.  Roarke is in on the verge of winning that one but allows Picard to have the victory rather than kill him.  The third competition is to do something selfless that improves someone else’s life.  (I’m not sure how the winner would be selected but we’ll just go with it.)  Picard gives money to a charity that he knows little about.  Roarke, however, wins because he made Picard’s sister, Eunice (Jane Powell), happy by choosing not to kill Picard.  Picard is so happy to finally see Eunice happy that he decides he doesn’t need to take ownership of Fantasy Island.  Everyone leaves the Island a better person than they were when they arrived.  Yay!

As I said before, this episode felt like a throwback to the earlier seasons of Fantasy Island.  This was a great trip to the Island!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.19 “Bio-Rhythms”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, it’s all about bio-rhythms!

Episode 2.19 “Bio-Rhythms”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 17th, 1979)

The Davis family is back!

Now, if you don’t remember the Davises. they were the family of independent truckers who appeared in an episode called The Volunteers.  Patriarch Charley Davis (Tige Andrews) is taciturn and protective.  Their friend, Sam (Steve Franken), is taciturn and protective …. actually, to be honest, he and Charley are kind of interchangeable.  Daughter Robbie (Katherine Cannon) is in charge of the business and is being pressured by another trucker (Michael Conrad), who is willing to resort to sabotage to keep Robbie from making her deliveries.  It’s a good thing that Robbie has got Ponch on her side!

Technically, Robbie also has Baker on her side but this is definitely a Ponch episode.  Baker is present but he does very little.  Instead, it’s Ponch who flirts with Robbie.  It’s Ponch who stops by Robbie’s apartment and uses her shower.  It’s Ponch who spends an extended period of time wearing just a towel.  Somewhat inevitably, Charley shows up around the same time that Ponch steps out of the shower.  Ponch is kicked out of the apartment and his clothes are tossed out the window.  Ponch loses his towel while retrieving his clothing.  Cue the close-ups of an old woman staring at him with a impressed look in her eyes and Erik Estrada flashing his Estrada smile.  It’s not that Erik Estrada wasn’t nice to look at.  It’s just that he was so obviously aware that he was nice to look at that the whole scene ends up feeling rather smarmy.  One gets the feeling that there was a clause in Estrada’s contract specifying that he, and only he, would be allowed to show off on the show.

While Ponch helps Robbie deal with her rivals, he also learns about biorhythms, the pseudo-science that says that, by calculating how long someone’s been alive, it can be determined which days are going to be good for them and which days are going to be bad.  Sindy Cahill is doing a study on biorhythms for her master’s degree.  Getraer tells his squad that the department is also very interested in whether or not biorhythms effect an officer’s productivity.  Baker is skeptical about biorhythms but Ponch believes in them and even buys a biorhythm calculator.

Believing the Baker’s biorhythms have him at peak physical perfection, Ponch arranges for Baker to play handball against Getraer.  Ponch even takes bets.  Unfortunately, Ponch spent so much time figuring out Baker’s biorhythms that he never stopped to consider Getraer’s.  The episode ends with Getraer on his way to victory and Baker looking embarrassed.

Handball?  Biorhythms?  Corrupt labor unions?  Could this episode be more Californian?

This episode was fairly dull.  A huge problem was that the Davis family and their drama are never as interesting as the show seems to think that they are.  Much as with The Volunteers, I felt like I was watching a backdoor pilot for a show about the Davises when I really just wanted to watch a show about the Highway Patrol.  This episode didn’t do much for me.  Maybe everyone’s biorhythms were off when they filmed it.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.6 “Shadows In The Dark”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett loses it!

 Episode 3.6 “Shadows In The Dark”

(Dir by Christopher Crowe, originally aired on October 31st, 1986)

Crockett and Tubbs are assigned to work with Lt. Ray Gilmore (Jack Thibeau) in investigating a series of burglaries.  The burglar has broken into several houses.  Each time, he eats whatever meat is in the house, he draws a picture on the wall, and then he steals a pair of pants.  Gilmore is convinced that the burglar is working his way towards doing something even more serious and deadly.

Crockett and Tubbs soon discover that Gilmore is suffering from intense burnout.  Years spent getting inside the minds of burglars and working nights have left Gilmore angry and erratic.  When Gilmore finally snaps and starts shooting an icebox, Crockett and Tubbs assume that the investigation is over.  Instead, Castillo informs them that, with Gilmore now committed to a mental hospital, they will now be in charge of the investigation.

Soon, Crockett finds himself becoming just as obsessed as Gilmore.  He starts staying up late.  The few instances in which he does sleep, he’s woken up by intense nightmares.  Crockett becomes obsessed with the mysterious burglar, to the extent that Castillo and the rest of the Vice Squad start to worry that he’s losing his mind.  In the end, Crockett does manage to figure out what house the Shadow (Vincent Caristi) will be targeting next.  Both the Shadow and Crockett break into the house at the same time, leaving the homeowner terrified as the two men fight.

“I’m a cop!  I’m a cop!” a desperate and wild-eyed Crockett shouts at her while holding up his badge.

This was a dark episode, one that played out more like a mini-horror movie than a typical episode of Miami Vice.  (Appropriately, this episode aired on Halloween and was clearly made with the scary season in mind.)  While I do think Crockett’s descent into madness happened a bit too quickly, I can’t deny that Don Johnson did a great job as the unhinged Sonny Crockett.  When he desperately yelled “I’m a cop!,” it was obvious that he was trying to convince himself as much as the poor woman who owned the house.  Though this episode was definitely a showcase for Don Johnson, Edward James Olmos did get plenty of opportunities to employ the Castillo stare as Crockett grew more and more unstable.  Finally, Vincent Caristi was truly frightening as the Shadow.

Interestingly enough, the episode’s plot is similar to Manhunter, which came out earlier that year.  The episode even features a scene where Crockett, Tubbs, and Gilmore visit a former burglar so that they can get his insights on their current prey.  (Manhunter, of course, was the first film to feature Dr. Hannibal Lecter being consulted about a serial killer.)  Miami Vice‘s  producer and creator, Michael Mann, directed Manhunter and, though he didn’t direct this episode, it’s clear that Shadow In The Dark was meant to be a bit of an homage to the film.

Season three has, so far, been a bit uneven but this was a good and offbeat episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.15 “Pa-Arty”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

It’s time to party!  Oh, sorry.  Actually, it’s time to pa-arty!

Episode 3.15 “Pa-Arty”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 13th, 1989)

The end of the school year is approaching and everyone is stressed out over exams.  Everyone in Grade 9 is also looking forward to Alexa’s end-of-the-year party.  However, when Alexa has to cancel the party because her parents will be home, the party gets moved to Lucy’s place.  Lucy is super-excited, even though almost every party that’s ever been held at her house has ended in disaster.

Joey, the proud owner of new fake ID, offers to buy beer for the party.  However, Snake and Wheels point out that Joey is rather “petite” (as Snake puts it), it is decided that Snake would have a better chance of passing for an adult.  Snake puts on a suit and Joey’s fedora and attempts to buy beer.  As the clerk looks at the fake ID, Snake casually mentions that a lot of people don’t believe that he’s actually 19 because of how young he looks.  The clerk refuses to sell Snake the beer.

As a crestfallen Joey, Snake, and Wheels stand outside the convenience store, they spot Clutch (Steve Bedernjak), who is Lucy’s latest bad boyfriend.  Clutch is in high school and he agrees to buy the beer for them.  (Of course, Clutch is also an alcoholic so he takes 6 of the beers for himself.)  Joey accidentally mentions that the beer is for a party at Lucy’s house.  Lucy specifically lied to Clutch about the party because she hates being around him when he’s drinking.

While walking to Lucy’s house, Snake and Joey stop and decide to drink some of the beer themselves.  Wheels turns down their offer of a beer, reminding them that his parents were killed by a drunk driver.  While Snake and Joey talk about the taste of beer, two Canadian cops approach them from behind.  Uh-oh!

Meanwhile, Lucy’s party is a hit but it comes to an early end when her parents call to say that they’re coming home.  A drunk Clutch shows up and behaves so obnoxiously that Lucy dumps him.  The next day, at school, Clutch apologizes and Lucy replies that it’s too late.  Freeze frame on Clutch as the end credits roll!

This is a pretty standard episode but, as is so often the case with this show, it’s heart-breaking if you know what lies in store for these characters.  In this episode, Wheels says that he’s never going to drink, specifically because his parents were killed by a drunk driver.  Of course, those of us who have seen School’s Out know that Wheels eventually will start drinking and, while driving drunk, he’ll not only accidentally kill a kid but he’ll also so severely injure Lucy that she’ll temporarily lose her ability to see and she’ll have to learn how to walk all over again.  And while Lucy will eventually recover, Wheels is destined to end up spending several years in prison and will become a pariah amongst his former friends.  Knowing that makes this a very sad episode, even if it wasn’t originally meant to be.  That’s the way life is, though.  You never know what the future might hold.

As for the future of this show, next week, we will finish up Degrassi Junior High.  How will the school year end?  Check here next Sunday and find out!

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 1.5 “A Shot In The Dark”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, the murders continue and two detectives continue to obsess.

Episode 1.5 “A Shot In The Dark”

(Dir by Bruce Paltrow, originally aired on February 24th, 1993)

As I watched this week’s episode of Homicide, it occurred to me that I really don’t care about Stanley Bolander’s relationship with Dr. Carol Blythe.

Seriously, I really did try to give this storyline a chance.  Bolander is played by the great character actor Ned Beatty.  Dr.  Blythe is played by Wendy Hughes.  Both Beatty and Hughes are no longer with us but they were both very good actors and I’m always in favor of giving good actors a plotline.  But, my God — Bolander is so whiny!  I mean, I get it.  He’s newly divorced and he’s unsure of himself and he’s a lot more comfortable investigating death than actually living life.  However, Dr. Blythe obviously likes him and Bolander had a fairly good date with her during the previous episode so why did he spend this episode afraid to talk to her on the phone?  During this episode, Bolander and Munch were investigating the murder of a drug dealer.  The only witness was a high-class prostitute who ended up hitting on Bolander, largely because she wanted him to buy her some food.  It was an interesting-enough case but instead of focusing on that, the whole thing was Munch telling Bolander to call Blythe and Bolander getting mad as a result.  It got old.

While Bolander whined about his relationship issues, Lewis and Crosetti continued to investigate the shooting of Officer Thormann.  Crosetti was convinced that Thormann had been shot by Alfred Smith (Mojo Gentry), largely because a man named Charles Flavin (Larry Hull) fingered Smith as being the shooter.  Lewis thought that Flavin was a more likely suspect, especially after Flavin failed a lie detector.  In the end, it was not superior police work that led to the arrest of Charles Flavin but instead his girlfriend telling Crosetti and Lewis that Flavin shot Thormann because he had a headache.  When confronted, Flavin immediately confessed and then started complaining about his migraine.

(As for Officer Thormann, he survives being shot in the head but he is now blind.)

Everyone is happy that Thormann’s shooter has been arrested but Crosetti finds himself wracked with guilt and self-doubt over the fact that he nearly arrested the wrong man.  In a wonderfully-acted moment, Crosetti tells Lewis that Giardello was right.  Crosetti was too close to Thormann to work the case.

Speaking of getting too involved in a case, Bayliss continues to obsess over the Adena Watson case.  After the incompetent Captain Barnfather (Clayton LeBouef) goes to a community meeting and reveals that a pipe was used to kill Adeena (and, in the process, ruins Bayliss’s plan to interrogate the man who he suspects is the murderer), Bayliss calls Barnfather and calls him a — cover your ears, if you’re young — “butthead.”  Barnfather is so offended that he comes to the station to demand that Bayliss be taken off the case.  Giardello tells Bayliss that he can either apologize or he can find another job.  Giardello also acknowledges that Barnfather’s an idiot and Bayliss has every reason to be upset.  Bayliss, who has a cold and is running a fever, apologizes and then tells Giardello that he’s willing to step down as primary and let Pembleton have the case.  Giardello, who really is the perfect boss, tells Bayliss to go home and get some sleep.

While Bayliss is losing his temper, Felton and Pembleton are investigating a man who lived in the neighborhood where Adeena’s body was found.  Felton’s theory is that the man killed Adeena and then kept her body in the trunk of his car before dumping her in the back yard where she was found.  The man’s car has subsequently been repossessed and Pembleton and Felton spend a night searching for the car on various impound lots.  When they finally find the car, they also find no evidence linking it to the Watson murder.  The focus of these scenes was less on the search for the car and more on listening to Pembleton and Felton bicker.  The two men sincerely dislike each other and Homicide deserves a lot of credit for acknowledging that working with someone is not the same thing as respecting them.  Pembleton views Felton as being a racist.  Felton views Pembleton as being a snob.  As they look for the car, they argue about everything, from the renaming of a street after Martin Luther King to Felton’s belief that Pembleton takes everything too personally.  Their argument is fascinating to listen to, largely because of the obvious disdain that each man has for the other.  Neither man is portrayed as having a monopoly on the truth.  Pembleton may be right about Felton’s prejudices but Felton is equally correct when he suggests that Pembleon is more concerned with showing up Bayliss than with investigating the case.  It’s the type of thing that you would never hear on television today.

In the end, the neighbor and his car prove to be a dead end.  But lab results come in that suggest that Bayliss’s suspicion that Adeena was killed by the local arabber may be correct.  While the rest of the squad celebrates the arrest of Charles Flavin, Pembleton and Bayliss prepare to bring in the arabber.

(According to Wikipedia, an arabber is a street vendor who sells fruits and vegetables from a horse-drawn cart.  Apparently, they’re a Northeastern thing and specifically a Baltimore thing.  Having grown up in the Southwest, I have to admit that I had never even heard the term before watching Homicide.)

All of the Bolander nonsense aside, this was a good episode that took a look at the mental strain involved in being a homicide detective.  Crosetti allowed himself to become so obsessed that he nearly arrested the wrong guy.  Bayliss allowed himself to become so obsessed that he nearly lost his job as a result.  Interestingly enough, Thormann’s shooter is captured because his girlfriend turned him in and not because of any superior policework.  Meanwhile, it’s easy to laugh at Pembleton and Felton spending an entire day chasing down a false lead but, in doing so, they eliminate the neighbor as a viable suspect and help to make the case against the arabber even stronger.  In the end, it’s a thankless job but this episode makes the viewer glad that someone’s doing it.

Next week, we finally meet the arabber!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 2.18 “My Girl Friday, Saturday, Sunday”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard runs afoul the mob.  Don’t worry, it’s only the Canadian mob.

Episode 2.18 “My Girl Friday Saturday Sunday”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on February 22nd, 1987)

While taking Edna to the airport (and seriously, how many vacations does Edna take during the year?), Howard is the victim of a hit-and-run.  Another car literally takes off Howard’s driver’s side door.  Howard is determined to find out who was driving the car and make them pay for his door.

After Marlene puts signs up around the airport asking if anyone witnessed the accident, Howard learns that the other car belonged to Canadian gangster Meatloaf Rothko (Chuck Shamata) and it was being driven by his mistress, Jerri (Heather Smith).  Of course, Meatloaf already knows whose car Jerri hit and, in fact, he’s arranged for Jerri to get a job as Edna’s temporary replacement at Cobb’s.

Meatloaf requests that Howard meet with him at an Italian restaurant.  Howard is hesitant but finally agrees to not only meet with him but to wear a wire.  But, it turns out that Meatloaf is actually a nice guy who is willing to give Howard $10,000 to keep quiet about the accident.  So, in other words, there really wasn’t much point to any of this.

As you probably already guessed, the plot of this episode was dumb.  As I’ve often commented in the past, Check It Out has never been able to figure out who Howard Bannister is supposed to be.  Sometimes, he’s the best boyfriend in the world and a respected father figure to all of his employees.  This week, however, his employees are back to having no respect for him and Howard starts to hit on Jerri as soon as she shows up in the store.  (Sorry, Edna, I hope going on your tenth vacation of the season was worth it.)  Sometimes, Howard is a brilliant guy who always tries to do the right thing.  This episode, he’s back to being a coward who has to be pressured into standing up for himself.  Considering that the episodes in which Howard is a good boss are a hundred times better than the ones where he’s a total jackass, it’s a bit annoying that the jackass version of Howard seems to be the one who shows up the most.

On the plus side, this episode featured a lot of funny bits from the show’s supporting cast.  Kathleen Laskey, Jeff Pustil, and Gordon Clapp all got in a few good one-liners.  Of course, it helps that Laskey, Pustil, and Clapp all play characters who behave in a consistent manner.  Jeff Pustil’s Jack Christian is always going to be smarmy in an oddly likable way.  Gordon Clapp’s Viker is always going to be earnestly dumb.  Kathleen Laskey’s Marlene is always going to be a sarcastic agent of chaos.  Their characters have been consistent since the show started and, as a result, a lot of the humor comes from knowing how they’re going to react to certain situations.  I will sit through an entire episode just to hear Marlene’s sarcastic response to whatever plan Christian comes up with.  They’re funny characters.

So, my feelings about this episode were mixed.  The story was incredibly dumb and Howard was incredibly annoying.  But the employees of Cobb’s made me smile more than once.  This episode wasn’t particularly memorable but it amused me.  I’ve learned that’s the best one can hope for with this show.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/27/24 — 11/2/24


Last Sunday, I took part in one of my favorite October traditions and I watched It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with my sister, Erin.  I always enjoy watching these old Peanuts specials with my sister.  It’s been a part of our holiday tradition for as long as I can remember.  You can read Erin’s thoughts on the Great Pumpkin here.

I watched the latest episode of American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez.  This week, Aaron murdered Odin Lloyd.  This was the crime for which Hernandez was arrested and eventually sent to prison.  You would think that this would have been a major episode of the show but it was actually pretty meh.  Who cares?  Everything that this show had to say about Aaron Hernandez and his crimes was said several episodes ago.

I enjoyed the latest episode of Hell’s Kitchen on Thursday.  The Blue Team is finally getting it together.  Chef Ramsay is being a bit nicer than usual this season but he’s still entertaining.  I actually kind of like it when Ramsay’s nice.  One gets the feeling that he really does want everyone to reach their full potential.

How did I not know that Dr. Phil started his own television network?  On Friday, I came across it while looking for something to watch in the afternoon.  I ended up watching two episodes of Jail.  Usually, the cops and guards on Jail get on my nerves but, in these two episodes, they actually did a pretty good job and treated everyone with a modicum of respect.

On Friday night, I watched two episodes of Night Flight.  It was all about 80s music and 80s films.  I enjoyed them.

Today, I watched an old episode of Dragnet from 1970.  Sgt. Joe Friday (Jack Webb) was enrolled in night school.  An anti-cop professor tried to kick him out of class.  Fortunately, one of Joe’s classmates was an attorney and threatened to sue the college on Joe’s behalf.

As far as my retro television reviews are concerned, I finished up T&T finally.  I also watched and reviewed Friday the 13th, Welcome Back, Kotter, and Check It Out.  Welcome Back, Kotter is no longer on Tubi so I had two bucks to watch this week’s episode on Prime.  Welcome Back, Kotter’s later seasons are far more tolerable when you can view them for free.

Horrorthon is over!  I’ve got a lot of television to get caught up on, starting this upcoming week.  Apparently, I’m being given an extra hour to do so.  That was nice of whoever’s in charge of all that.

 

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.6 “Beau’s Jest”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, we learn how Beau became a Sweathog.

Episode 4.6 “Beau’s Jest”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 16th, 1978)

There’s a new student at Buchanan High!  His name is Beau DeLaBarre (Stephen Shortridge).  He’s handsome.  He’s blonde.  He’s charming.  He’s from New Orleans and speaks with a Southern accent.  He’s got a great smile.  He looks like he’s about 26 years old but that’s okay.  Most of his classmates look like they’re in their 30s.

Beau is a transfer student from New Orleans.  He comes to Buchanan after being kicked out of a series of different schools.  He’s a troublemaker!  Why, he might even become a Sweathog!  Unfortunately, he and Epstein take a dislike to each other.  Beau goes out with a girl Epstein likes.  Epstein staples Beau’s underwear and pants to the wall.  Beau walks down the hall wearing just a towel and the audience goes crazy.  (“Oh!” Horshack exclaims.)  Beau sets Epstein up with a dental hygienist and then tells Epstein that she’s married and her husband is looking to kill Epstein.  Why would a married woman be dating a remedial high school student?  It probably helps that Epstein looks like he’s about 40.

Anyway, after a stern talking to from Julie (who is working in the front office and who now has a really unflattering haircut), Beau realizes he was in the wrong.  He tells Epstein the truth.  But the hygienist’s boyfriend (Richard Moll) shows up and demands to see “Juan Epstein.”

“I’m Juan Epstein!” Beau declares.

Beau gets punched but he also wins the friendship of the Sweathogs….

If this all seems strange, it’s because it’s already been established, in the episode where the Sweathogs checked out Vinny’s new apartment, that Beau is a member of the Sweathogs.  That episode also established that both Gabe and Julie know Beau.  Obviously, Beau’s Jest was originally meant to air at the start of the season but the folks at the network decided it would be smarter to start the season with John Travolta instead of Stephen Shortridge.  I don’t blame them.

(Interestingly enough, the version of this episode on Prime includes a prologue where Beau and the Sweathogs are hanging out and Epstein says something like, “Remember when we first met?” and the rest of the episode plays out like a flashback.  When this episode was on Tubi, that prologue was not included.  So, who knows?  Maybe the prologue was something that was included for syndication or maybe when the episode aired in reruns.)

This episode …. ugh.  Barbarino is nowhere to be seen.  Gabe only appears for a few seconds.  There’s way too much of Julie acting like the “That’s Not Funny” meme.  Stephen Shortridge was not a bad actor and he was pleasant on the eyes but his character does not belong on a show about New York juvenile delinquents.  Apparently, the show wanted Barabrino’s replacement to be the opposite of Barbarino, in order to avoid people comparing the new guy to Travolta.  That wasn’t a bad idea but the show went too far in the other direction.

One final note: Welcome Back, Kotter is no longer on Tubi.  It’s available on Prime.  I had to pay two dollars to watch this.  I probably would have cut this episode a little more slack if I had watched it for free.  But for two bucks, I expect to at least feel like I got my money’s worth.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.16 “Scarlet Cinema”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a nerdy film students takes his love of a 1940s horror film too far!

Episode 2.16 “Scarlet Cinema”

(Dir by David Winning, originally aired on February 20th, 1989)

Darius Pogue (Jonathan Wise) is a nerdy film student who is obsessed with The Wolf Man.  When Darius steals an old antique movie camera, he discovers that, by looking through the camera’s view finder, he can bring The Wolf Man to life and send him to kill anyone who annoys him.  Darius kills a snooty antique store manager.  He kills a bully.  He kills his professor.  He even sends the wolf after Ryan and a girl that Darius likes.

However, as much as Darius enjoys sending the Wolf Man after people, he wants to be the Wolf Man himself.  After allowing the Wolf Man to scratch him, Darius shoots him with silver bullets.  Transforming into a werewolf himself, Darius goes after Ryan, Micki, and Jack.  Unfortunately, Darius didn’t consider that film stock is full of silver nitrate.  Live by the film, die by the film….

This episode was a case where the premise was pretty interesting but the execution didn’t quite work.  The episode mixes in archival footage from The Wolf Man with scenes of Darius’s victims meeting their fate.  So, for example, one sees Lon Chaney Jr. turning into the Wolf Man and then the viewer sees The Wolf Man killing one of Darius’s classmates.  The problem is that the Friday the 13th werewolf makeup doesn’t really look much like the Wolf Man makeup.  Regardless of how darkly lit each scene is, it’s pretty obvious that the Wolf Man from the film is not the same Wolf Man that is doing Darius’s bidding.  It not only negates the whole idea behind the cursed antique but it’s also pretty distracting for those of us just trying to watch the show.  And, again, it’s a shame because the idea behind this episode was actually pretty clever.

Myself, I’ve always liked the original Wolf Man.  Eventually, Larry Talbot got a bit too whiny for his own good and it’s pretty much impossible to buy the idea of the hulking, very American Lon Chaney, Jr. as the son of the sophisticated and very British Claude Rains.  But, even with all that in mind, The Wolf Man holds up as a classic American horror film, full of atmosphere and featuring a pretty impressive monster.  Friday the 13th deserves some credit for making Darius a Wolf Man fan because The Wolf Man, with its portrait of a man being driven mad by a curse that he cannot control, fits in perfectly with the main idea behind Friday the 13th.  Darius, like most of the villains on this show, isn’t really evil until he starts using the camera.  Each times he picks up the camera, his actions become progressively worse.  Just as Larry Talbott was cursed by the werewolf, Darius is cursed by the camera.  Much like a drug addict, Darius falls in love with the camera and he just can’t stop using it.  His addiction changes his personality as it becomes all-consuming,.  Eventually, it drives him to become the Wolf Man himself.

The episode ends with another cursed antique safely hidden away and Darius joining Larry Talbot in the cold embrace of death.  There was a lot of potential to this episode so it’s a shame that it didn’t quite work.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.21 “The Little Prince”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T and T comes to an end.

Episode 3.21 “The Little Prince”

(Dir by Ken Girotti, originally aired on May 26th, 1990)

The Sultan (Fareed Ahmed) of the tiny island nation of Domain has come to Canada or wherever the Hell this show is supposed to be taking place so that he can announce that he is bringing democracy to his nation.  Yay!  Democracy rules!  However, the Sultan is also bringing along his bratty 12 year-old son, the Prince (Marlow Vella).  Out of everyone that he could have hired, he selected Terri and T.S. Turner to look after the Prince.

Unfortunately, a gangster named Don Giovanni wants to kidnap the Prince.  Fortunately, Don Giovanni has hired recurring crooks Fritz (Dominic Cuzzocrea) and Nobby (Avery Saltzman) to handle the abduction.  Why any reputable gangster would hire Fritz and Nobby, I don’t know.  Fritz and Nobby have appeared in several episodes of this show and they have never came close to pulling off any of their schemes.  As usual, Turner is able to easily defeat Fritz and Nobby and, oddly, there doesn’t seem to be hard feelings.  With all of the times that Turner has captured Fritz and Nobby, you do have to wonder why the two of them are never in jail.

This was the last episode of T and T.  Not only did it end season 3 but it ended the show itself.  The show ends without anyone ever asking what happened to Amy or any of the other supporting characters who came and went over the past three seasons.  The continuity of this show was always a mess.  That’s especially clear in this episode.  Turner has to tell Terri who Fritz and Nobby are, despite the fact that Terri has met them at least twice before.  I’m going to guess this episode was probably meant to air earlier in the season.  Either that or the show’s writers just didn’t care.

For a show that started off as the story of streetwise guy who was unjustly imprisoned for murder, T and T certainly ended on a silly and rather inconsequential note.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  It’s a Canadian detective show that starred Mr. T.  Obviously, T and T was never meant to be taken seriously.  The show didn’t need an epic finale but still, I always feel like the final episode of the show should at least wrap things up.  The final episode is the equivalent of a final chapter.  Its the show’s chance to leave the viewers with one final thought or to at least acknowledge everything that led up to the end.  It’s always a bit sad when any show — even something like T and T — doesn’t get a chance to do that.

Now that it’s over, what can I say about T and T?  There were a few entertaining episodes.  Mr. T didn’t have much range an actor but he was still a big personality and his “don’t be a criminal” speeches were earnest delivered.  The show worked better with Amy than Terri.  The first season was the show’s strongest.  Things went downhill afterwards.  By the third season, Mr. T seemed bored with the whole thing.

Anyway, I’m done with T and T!  To be honest, there were times when I felt like I would never finish this show.  This is probably one of the most obscure pieces of entertainment that I’ve ever reviewed on the Shattered Lens but that’s what I’m here for.  I like reviewing the shows and the movies that have been overlooked or otherwise forgotten.

Next week, I’ll be reviewing a new show in this time slot.  What will that show be?

Uhmm …. I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out myself!