Well, actually I didn’t watch it last night. Instead, I spent last night bring in the new year with my boyfriend, my BFF, my sister, and about two dozen people who I kinda knew or, at the very least, they seemed to know me. Seriously, it reminded me of that old commercial where every where this girl goes, everyone’s all like, “So, what color panties are you wearing tonight?” In my case, I was wearing black panties and this morning, I’m wearing red, white, and blue panties because dangit, this is 2012 and I’m proud to be an American, yes, I am! But anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, so I didn’t actually watch this last night but I did DVR it last night. And then I watched it this morning. Anyway, what I watched was the 15th episode of the 8th season of my favorite Canadian tv show, Degrassi: The Next Generation. The title of this episode: A Touch of Grey.
Why Was I Watching It?
Well, first off, it was Degrassi. Secondly, it was one of the Degrassi drug episodes. So, of course, I was totally going to make sure I got a chance to see it.
What’s It About?
This is the episode where Emma (played by Miriam McDonald) worries that her classmates view her as being boring. So, she tells everyone to call her “Blaze” and then passes out a bunch of pot brownies. At first, everyone has a great time eating the brownies and giggling and stumbling about. But, uh-oh, one girl gets so stoned that she forgets to take her insulin and slips into a diabetic coma. Will Blaze confess to the Canadian police or will she allow her cute boyfriend to take the fall?
What Worked
Any Degrassi episode dealing with drug abuse is automatically fascinating because Degrassi, on the one hand, took a lot of pride on treating the issues realistically but, at the same time, there’s no way that a teen show could get away with allowing any character to abuse drugs for more than one episode. As such, drug episodes of Degrassi have this wonderfully schizophrenic feel to them where everything starts out normal until about 18 minutes in, at which point THE WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN happens. In A Touch of Grey, we find out that handing out pot brownies will not only help induce a coma but will also lead to you breaking up with your cute boyfriend as well.
What Didn’t Work
It was Degrassi. It all worked.
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments:
When I first went to college, my roommate used to call me “Blaze” too. In my case, though, it was either because of my hair or my temper.
Lessons Learned:
Uhmmm…hello? Don’t just go randomly handing out pot brownies like you’re freaking Martha Stewart or someone. That was the main lesson but as an extra, bonus lesson, I learned that you can apparently pin any crime on a devoted boyfriend. And thank God for that!
Last night, I watched a classic episode of the Office: Diversity Day!
Why Was I Watching It:
Down here in Dallas, they show reruns of The Office twice a day on Channel 27. I can literally say that I’ve probably seen every episode about 20 times at this point and now, if I’m home at night with nothing to do, I’m more likely to see what’s on LMN. However, Diversity Day remains like one of my favorite episodes of the Office ever so, when I saw it was going to be on, I had to watch it.
What Was It About:
As the show begins, we find ourselves in the familiar offices of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. However, things are slightly different from the office we force ourselves to watch today. Kelly Kapoor is dressed conservatively. Michael Scott, with his thinning hair slicked back, is still in the manager’s office and, as opposed to being a somewhat docile idiot manchild, is just kind of a jerk. Jim and Pam are still cute and flirty (and Pam is still dressing like someone who actually works in an office). Robert California is nowhere to be seen and, for that matter, neither is Andy Bernard. In fact, we manage to get through this entire episode without anyone breaking out into song. Dwight’s pretty much the same, though.
Basically, Michael has offended just about everyone in the office by performing the infamous “Chris Rock Routine.” Corporate has responded by sending down Mr. Brown (a hilarious Larry Wilmore) from Diversity Today who leads the entire office through “sensitivity training.” Naturally, Michael feels threatened by this and so he decides to form his own company (which he calls Diversity Tomorrow because “…(T)oday is almost over.”) and leads his own sensitivity training workshop. This, of course, leads to Michael eventually getting slapped by Kelly when Michael asks her if she wants to step into his convenience shop and sample his “cookie cookie.”
What Worked?
Yes, Diversity Day is old school Office, back when the show was both incredibly funny and achingly sad too. It was also the first episode to be broadcast after the pilot and it remains one of the best episode of the Office ever. Whenever I catch these old episode of The Office in syndication, I’m always surprised to discover just how sweet and oddly poignant these shows were. Michael is truly a bad boss, the characters are clearly coworkers as opposed to being friends, and there’s none of the silliness that has come to dominate the show after the third season. One reason why the relationship between Jim and Pam was so special in those early episodes is because its made clear that both of them would spend their entire workday miserable if not for the time they spend talking to each other.
I think the main difference between these old episodes and the new episodes is that, if someone had suggested everyone who works at Office spend the weekend together at a Garden Party during the first three seasons, no one would have shown up. That is perfectly epitomized in this episode as all the characters find themselves forced to interact in an awkward attempt to celebrate diversity and mutual respect. The show works because Michael is so hilariously clueless to the fact that most of his employees would just rather work until five and then go home.
(If this episode was made today, Andy would end up pulling out his guitar and leading everyone in a sing along.)
This episode is also full of wonderful little moments and an observant eye for the details that distinguish a good show from a great one. Among my favorite moments: Dwight’s explanation of what a hero truly is (and Mr. Brown’s patient response of, “You’re thinking of a superhero.”), Michael’s cheaply done Diversity Tomorrow Video, and Pam finally falling asleep on Jim’s shoulder.
What Didn’t Work:
The episode itself was about as perfect as perfect can be but as I watched it, it was hard for me not to think about how different The Office is today as compared to what it once was. And that’s all I’ll say about that.
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments:
I’ve always enjoyed talking about diversity training because it gives me an excuse to mention that I’m an Italian-Spanish-German-Irish American.
Lessons Learned:
Reruns are always better. Plus, if you are a racist, I will attack you with the north…
Finally, to close out a busy day on the awards front, the American Film Institute today announced their picks for the 10 best films and the 10 best television shows of 2011. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I love lists. Especially when they end in even numbers like 10.
Here are the AFI’s top 10 films, listed in alphabetical order:
1) Bridesmaids (Yay! Girl power!)
2) The Descendants (Overrated)
3) The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Bleh)
4) The Help (Crowd pleaser)
5) Hugo (Yay!)
6) J. Edgar (Forgettable)
7) Midnight in Paris (Overrated)
8 ) Moneyball (Crowd pleaser)
9) The Tree of Life (Haunting)
10) War Horse (Spielberg)
Here are the top 10 television series:
1) Boardwalk Empire (Yay!)
2) Breaking Bad (I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, but I got the cleanest house on the street! Yay meth!)
3) Curb Your Enthusiasm (Consider it curbed)
4) Game of Thrones (Yay!)
5) The Good Wife (I’m watching it right now!)
6) Homeland (Yay!)
7) Justified (Olyphant!)
8) Louie (I once lived next door to someone named Fred C. K. Maybe he was a relative?)
9) Modern Family (Never got into it but all of my gay friends love it so I’ll say yay!)
10) Parks and Recreation (I would love this show if not for Amy Poehler.)
It’s been a while since I posted a What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night, which is unfortunate because these are some of my favorite posts to write. If nothing else, they give me an excuse to use this site to extol the virtues of a good Lifetime movie. Well, last night, I watched a made-for-TV movie that belonged on Lifetime, despite the fact that it actually premiered on ABC Family. The name of this film is Cyberbully and it doesn’t have much in common with Larry Clark’s Bully.
Why Was I Watching It?
After you see the same commercial about fifty times, you really don’t have much choice but to watch. That’s why commercials work. However, I am happy to say that I did stand up to the forces of relentless advertising by DVRing the movie and watching it on my own time. So there.
What Was It About?
So, there’s this teenage girl (played by Emily Osment) who gets a laptop for her birthday and her mother (Kelly Rowan) foolishly allows Osment to spend hours surfing the web unsupervised. So, Osment joins this social site called Clickster which is supposed to be like Facebook but, from what they showed onscreen, really looked a lot more like MySpace. And I mean the MySpace of today and not the cool MySpace that we all used to brag about being on.
Anyway, somebody hacks Osment’s Clickster Account which leads to Osment getting a reputation for being a slut and soon all the rich girls in high school are giving her a hard time and then somebody sets up a fake account as some boy from another school and eventually, Osment tries to commit suicide and her mom ends up blaming it all on a lack of governmental regulation.
What Worked?
It’s difficult to really criticize this film, despite the fact that — like a lot of films about cyberbullying — it was obviously made by people who don’t really understand how the Internet works or how teenagers view the world. The people who made the film obviously had their hearts in the right place and the film’s ultimate message was a pure and sincere one. It was obvious that a lot of the film’s plot was inspired by the true life of case of Megan Meier, a 13 year-old girl who committed suicide after being cyberbullied in much the same way as the character played by Emily Osment in this film. The case of Meier was so tragic that I can still not write about it without getting tears in my eyes.
The film was actually pretty well-acted, especially by Osment and Kay Panabaker, who plays Osment’s best friend.
Most importantly, the film didn’t allow its good intentions to keep it from going totally and completely over the top in a few key moments. Perhaps the moment that most made me forget about the film’s good intentions and just enjoy it on a camp level was when Osment, struggling to open up a child-proof bottle of pills, screams, “I CAN’T GET THE TOP OFF!”
What Didn’t Work?
Okay, maybe this wasn’t a big moment but it’s something I noticed and it really gnawed at me. When Osment first finds herself being bullied, she responds by calling one of the bullies a “bitch” online and then her mom finds out and goes, “No, you cannot be mean just because other people are being mean,” and as the film goes on, it becomes apparent that we’re meant to agree with her. But seriously, some day, I’m going to have a daughter and if she ever gets in trouble for calling a bully ” a bitch,” you better believe I’m going to stand behind my daughter 100%. Actually, I’ll probably call the bully a bitch first.
When I saw that scene, I immediately flashed back to what my mom once told me when I came home from school crying because of some mean girls. She sat me down, explained to me the importance of keeping my thumb on the outside whenever I made a fist, and then said, “Lisa Marie, if those putas de mierda try to make you cry, you break their nose.”
Now, I have to be honest — despite the fact that I now knew how to make a fist, I still had no idea how to use that fist to break someone’s nose. I doubt I have the upper body strength to pull that off anyway. But, regardless of whether it was good advice, it was what I needed to hear at that time because, at the very least, it let me know that I had someone in my corner and, even more importantly, it assured me that I was the victim and not to blame.
Anyway, back to Cyberbully, the main problem with this film is that after one hour or so, the movie’s storyline becomes far too much of a PSA for its own good. Unfortunately, the PSA isn’t for bullies to reconsider their actions or for the victims of bullies to know that “it gets better.” Instead, the PSA tries to convince us that we can wipe out bullying by passing legislation, getting the government involved, and doing the whole activist thing, as if 1) bullying is an activity that can be regulated as opposed to just a really ugly expression of human nature and 2) we can actually trust the government to make life better for anyone.
This is one of those films where, at the end of the film, the entire school stands up to the bully and basically bullies her into being a nicer person. Honestly, it seems like it would be a lot more helpful for all these anti-bullying films to just say that being a teenager sucks, it’s going to suck for a long time, but if you get through it, you’ll have the pleasure of seeing everyone who bullied you get fat and miserable. Instead, we get these false visions of humanity in which the entire world will have your back just because you’re in the right. That’s all very uplifting but what are you going to do once you realize that the world, for the most part, doesn’t even know you exist?
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments
Well, the entire film was about silly girls acting over dramatic so there were … ahem … there were a few just like me moments. Well, more than a few.
Perhaps the biggest just like me moment was due to the fact that I had my e-mail, Facebook and MySpace accounts hacked by an ex-boyfriend once and he changed all of my statuses to something slutty (well, more slutty and definitely lacking my trademark sense of postmodern humor) and sent out a mass e-mail under my name that read, “I want to fuck you madly.” (If nothing else, that made me the most popular girl in the Art History study group for a week or two.) Anyway, I ended up deleting every account I had, getting a restraining order on the guy, and spending the next two years being very paranoid and untrusting. So, in other words, don’t be a cyberbully because it seriously fucks people up.
Lessons Learned:
Be kind and remember that there’s a human being reacting to everything you say. Also, some pill bottles are more difficult to open than others. But mostly the be kind part.
So, I’ve recently discovered an old show calledFreaks and Geekswhich, despite only actually airing for one season over ten years ago, appears to be popping up everywhere in syndicated reruns. Freaks and Geeks was about high school students in the early 80s and basically starred a bunch of people who later went on to become famous — Seth Rogen, James Segal, and James Franco (!!!!) all got their start on this show.
Anyway, today’s scene that I love comes from an episode of Freaks and Geeks and features not only a very fit Jason Segal disco dancing but a nicely disheveled James Franco playing a rpg as well. Seriously, this whole sequence is just too adorable for words.
My mind is a little bit jumbled as I sit down to review episode 9 of Game of Thrones. As I’ve always been quick to admit, I’m not sports fan and, to be honest, I find most sporting events to be 1) tedious, 2) confusing, or 3) both. So, there’s a lot of I don’t understand about the game between the Mavericks and the Heat tonight but I do understand that my city’s team won and YAY! for that. Right now, there’s a huge party going on in downtown Dallas and, if it were just two years earlier, I would probably be down there, drinking too much, dancing in the middle of the street, flashing my boobs at passing cameras, and basically having a grand old Mardi Gras.
However, I’ve grown up a lot in the past few years and that’s why, instead of partying downtown, I instead observed the Mavs victory by going to the beloved DVR and playing the latest episode of Game of Thrones.
So, if you’re totally unfamiliar with the George R. R. Martin books, tonight’s “twist” was undoubtedly the shock of the television season. The folks at Entertainment Weekly have already declared it to be so. Now, if you’ve read the books or, if like me, you’ve only read an outline of them, then you already knew what fate lay in store for Nedd. Still, I think HBO should be commended for actually going through with it. It’s one thing to kill off a major character in a work of literature. It’s another to kill off the star of your show.
So, tonight’s episode began with Nedd chained up in a dungeon and ended up with him being beheaded while his terrified daughters watched. Nedd was executed despite the fact that, in order to protect his daughter, he’d just announced that Joffrey was the rightful heir to the throne. And Joffrey repaid him by ordering his execution. So, if you didn’t hate Joffrey before…well, why didn’t you? I mean, seriously, not only has he been a consistent asshole (at least as far as the TV series goes, I understand that all the characters are a bit more nuanced in the books) but he still looks like Justin Beiber possessed by Pazuzu. But anyway, if you had any wonders about the type of king Joffrey will be, those doubts were answered tonight.
A lot of viewers (like me) have commented that, in the first few episodes, Nedd came across as well-meaning but largely ineffectual and a little bit dull. We knew that he’d have his moment at some point because he was played by Sean Bean. But, far too often, it seemed like Sean Bean would be forever overshadowed by the more flamboyant characters played by Peter Dinklage, Aiden Gillen, and others. Well, tonight, Sean Bean finally got his chance to shine and, as a result, viewers who had been casually dismissive of Nedd Stark will now be forced to look at him in a different light. Whether it was the defiance he showed at the opening of the episode or the doomed dignity with which he faced his fate, Nedd was suddenly revealed as perhaps one of the strongest characters among this epic’s large cast. And Bean proved himself to be exactly the right actor to portray that strength.
This episode was clearly dominated by Nedd’s death but here’s a few other points:
1) I don’t know whether this was intentional or maybe it’s just my Catholic background coming out on Pentecost Sunday but Nedd’s execution — with the rabid crowd calling for his blood — had a definite “Give us Barabas!” passion play feel to it. The execution itself, I felt, was quite well-directed and seemed to be meant to remind us of Nedd putting down the dire wolf earlier in the season.
2) Peter Dinklage had a host of good scenes as Tyrion tonight. Dinklage plays the role with just the right mix of duty and cynicism. The brilliance of his performance, I think, is that he doesn’t go overboard with either trait. It’s that perfect balance that makes Tyrion such a consistently interesting character. As well, I loved his scenes with Charles Dance and Sibel Kekilli (playing the character of Shae). Dinklage is one of those actors who seems to bring out the best of those appearing opposite him as well.
3) This episode’s other main plotline seemed to be Drogo’s sudden illness and the bloody approach the was taken to cure him. The blood didn’t really surprise me because, quite frankly, it seems like anyone within the vicinity of Drogo is going to end up getting splattered with blood every other day. Still, I like Drogo and it goes beyond the undeniable sex appeal of a big, strong man who takes what he wants. He and Danys have probably one of the most genuine relationships on this show. Then, to top it all off, Danys goes into labor.
So, next week brings us the season finale of Game of Thrones. I’ve enjoyed discovering this new world over the past two months and I’ve enjoyed losing my Game of Thrones virginity here online with the readers of this site. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen on episode 10 but I can tell you that I picked up a copy of George R. R. Martin’s novel earlier on Saturday and I plan to read it over the summer. I look forward to discovering what the television series left out and also to preparing myself for season two of HBO’s Game of Thrones.
So, we’re passed the halfway point now in the first season of Game of Thrones. After spending the first half of the season setting up the show’s many characters, it’s obvious that the first season is now moving towards its inetivable conclusion. Not having read the book that this season is based on, I have no idea what that conclusion might be, though I suspect it’s going to be a violent one that’s going to leave a lot of the characters I’ve just gotten to know dead. To a certain extent, I’m happy that I don’t know what’s coming up. It allows me the thrill of discovery, if nothing else.
So, in tonight’s episode, there were two major events. One of those events was kinda cool and fun and contained everything that you would both expect and want to see from a show like this. The other event came at the end of this episode and was horrific, disturbing, excessive, and yet undeniably effective and watchable. (And it was topped off by one of the best lines ever uttered on television.) This event also gave this episode its name.
Let’s go in chronological order. The cool, fun event involved — no surprise — Tyrion. To be honest, I don’t pay much attention to or have much respect for the Emmy awards but seriously, if Peter Dinklage doesn’t get an Emmy for his work on this series then there is no justice. Accused of trying to kill Bran and facing the judgment of the wonderfully insane court of Lysa Arryn, Tyrion spends most of this episode cheating death and Dinklage brought exactly the right combination of arrogance and desperation to his performance tonight. Hopefully, if Dinklage gets his deserved Emmy nomination, they’ll show a clip of his “confession” from this episode. (Though I have to say that I am continually astounded and amazed by the sheer number of ways that boys have come up with to avoid saying “masturbate.”)
Tyrion demanded a trial by combat which led to a fight between one of Lysa’s painfully noble knights and Tyrion’s “champion,” Bronn. And, unlike most television (and move) sword fights, this fight actually felt real. Watching the two warriors, you felt as if they were actually fighting. It reminded me of the that episode of The Sopranos where you literally saw James Gandolfini beat Joe Pantoliano to death. It felt real and, for me, the sight of all that blood pouring out over that formerly pristine armor is one that I won’t get out of my head any time soon.
After the fight, Lysa accuses Bronn of fighting without honor, to which Bronn perfectly replied (while staring down at the corpse of his opponent), “No. He did.” And you know what? On the basis of that line alone, Bronn is now my fourth favorite character.
(By the way, I was reading another blogger who joked that Lysa’s legal system made more sense than the “ones they’ve got in Alabama or Texas.” And to that, I say “Fuck you, you goddamn elitist wanna-be Canadian Yankee asshole.”)
My favorite character — Daenrys — got to deliver a pretty great line herself and I’m not going to repeat it because, with my ADD-addled mind, I’ll probably end up misquoting her. However, anyone who saw tonight’s episode, knows what line I’m talking about. For me, Dany remains the most intriguing character on this show and the one who consistently manages to surprise me every episode. Tonight, her surprise was calmly watching as her annoying weakling of a brother Viserys get killed in such a grotesque and horrific fashion that you couldn’t help but feel a little sympathy for him.
That’s right, Viserys got his crown. Or, more to the point, Drogo pours molten gold on top of Viserys head and Viserys dies. And even though I was suspecting that Viserys would die, the brutality of it caught me off guard. To continue with my Sopranos comparison, the sight of Viserys afterward was just as shocking, to me, as the sight of Joe Pantoliano’s dead eyes staring up at the man who just literally beat the life out of him. Seriously, I couldn’t stand Viserys and all but now I’m kinda scared of accidentally getting trapped underneath a gigantic — but cracked — cauldron of molten gold.
Among the other memorable moments from tonight’s episode, Bran’s encounter in the woods nicely reminded us — as did this whole episode, really — that the world of Game of Thrones isn’t necessarily a pleasant one. I also continue to cringe whenever that creepy little Joffrey shows up. Seriously, I keep expecting him to start trying to drag people off to the cornfield or something.
I do have to say that I’m still waiting for Ned to really step up and impress me as a character. So far, he’s been a sympathetic but vaguely dull character. You watch him and you never doubt his good intentions but you do doubt his ability to actually accomplish anything. Sean Bean is a far more capable actor than he’s been allowed to show in the series so far and I’m betting (and hoping) that by the end of the season, Bean will get a chance to shine.
That said, I did enjoy the small subplot of Ned running the kingdom because (along with Lysa’s court), it further highlighted one of the reasons why I love this show. Every episode so far has featured various characters plotting and scheming and, in every episode so far, those plots and schemes have proven to be no match for the random whims of fate. If nothing else, Game of Thrones is turning out to be a great portrait of a society that has fooled itself into thinking that the randomness of life can somehow be regulated by tradition, ritual, and law. And who, out here in the real world, can’t relate to that?
As I’ve mentioned, I’m a newcomer to Game of Thrones. I have not read the George R. R. Martin novel that the series is based on (though I have read countless Wikipedia entries about every man, woman, and child to appear in the series) and therefore, I can’t judge how the TV series compares to the book. All I can say is that, having seen the first 6 episodes. Game of Thrones has so far managed to not only capture my interest but to hold on to it as well. I do have to admit that, during every episode. there’s been the occasional moments where I’ve had to think to myself, “Wait, who is that again and how is he or she related to everyone else?” But that’s hardly a criticism. Game of Thrones is a complex series and one of the few that will definitely benefit from multiple viewings once the first season is released on DVD. In the future, we may very well remember Game of Thrones as being The Wire of fantasy television.
Last night, I watched on old movie on the Lifetime Movie Network. The name of that movie? Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?
Why Was I Watching It?
Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? pops up on the Lifetime Movie Network like constantly and it’s always advertised as “the cult classic: Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?” Now, to be honest, the entire Lifetime Movie Network is something of a cult classic but Mother, May I Sleep With Danger is the only film shown on that network that is actually advertised as being “a cult classic.” I mean, even something like Confessions of a Go Go Girl is usually advertised as if it’s a perfectly normal, totally serious movie. Therefore, I figured, if even Lifetime realizes that Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? is a cult film then it must be the most culty cult film ever made.
Plus, just from the title, I think I was justified in assuming that at some point, someone would be heard to utter the line, “Mother, may I sleep with danger?” In fact, beyond the whole cult film thing, that was actually my main reason for watching the movie. I wanted to hear that line so I could clap my hands and yell, “We have a title!”
Seriously, I was really looking forward to that.
What’s It About?
Laurel (played by Tori Spelling, who looks like a Modigliani painting in this film) is a college student who has an overprotective mother (Lisa Banes, who has a great first name) and who is recovering from an eating disorder. Anyway, Laurel is also a competitive runner and she’s got a chance to go study abroad in China. However, she also has a really possessive boyfriend named Kevin (played by an actor named Ivan Sergei) and soon Kevin is running her life. Obviously, he’s dangerous and Laurel’s mother soon starts to dislike him. Laurel gets mad at her mom before even asking if she can sleep with danger. Anyway, Kevin eventually ends up locking Laurel up in a cabin that has 8 cross-shaped windows but ony one door.
What Worked?
The genius of this film was that nothing worked. Absolutely nothing. Here’s just a few of the more memorable lines from the film:
“Sex, mother! The word is sex! Sex!”
“You will protect me from everyone and anything now, right? (giggle) Bye!”
“When I don’t see you, I bleed to death.”
“You don’t want me to climb a tower with a gun, do you?”
“I just never learned to trust love.”
“It’s gonna to take the type of time that breaks down mountains.”
And my personal favorite:
“If you’re lying to me, I’ll know by the way you make love to me.” (And let me just say, boys — nothing gets my panties on the floor quicker than hearing something like that. Seriously, the idea of using fucking as a lie detector is one that needs to be explored. It would certainly make daytime television more interesting.)
As the psycho boyfriend, Ivan Sergei gives a performance that would seem to indicate that somebody held a gun to his head and yelled, “ACT! NOW!” I mean, seriously, I’ve dated a few guys who, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have, but even silly, little naive me knows that if a guy can’t stop twitching and stammers nervously whenever you ask him about his past, chances are that the guy has some issues. Watching Sergei’s performance here, you ask yourself, “What type of stupid moron would actually go out with this loser?”
Then you remember that this film stars Tori Spelling. As I mentioned earlier, Tori does not look her best in this film but oh my God, I don’t even know where to begin. I mean, I don’t want to be all catty here but seriously — when your head is that much bigger than the rest of your body, you’ve got some issues.
When we first see Tori, she’s debating Daisy Miller with a college professor and, amazingly enough, her comments about Daisy Miller’s fate manages to neatly parallel what happens in the movie. It’s amazing how that happens. Anyway, once English class is finished, Tori goes running across campus in the most horrid combination of black running capris and purple sports bra ever. Now, I have to admit that I started running a few months ago. It helps with my asthma and it’s something that I’ve grown to really enjoy but I always feel a little insecure while running because I’m also something of a klutz. However, seeing Tori Spelling — with her gigantic head and her stick-like body — running around in that tacky purple outfit with her chicken-like arms and spindly legs flying all over the place, it filled me with all sorts of confidence. From now on, if I feel insecure, I’ll be able to say, “At least I don’t look like Tori Spelling in Mother, May I Sleep With Danger.”
The mother of the title is played by Lisa Banes. Her best moment comes when she finds out that Tori is planning on spending the summer in Guatemala with Ivan Sergei instead of studying abroad in China. She bulges her eyes and literally spits out the line, “GUATEMALA!? WHAT ABOUT CHINA!?”
What Didn’t Work?
Not once did Tori Spelling or Ivan Sergei say, “Mother, may I sleep with Danger?” Not once! Seriously, I sat there for 2 hours waiting to hear that said so that I could clap and cheer and be all cute about it.
“Oh my God!” Just Like Me Moment
There’s a scene where Tori is running across campus and she almost knocks over a few extras with her flying arms. Back when I was dancing, I did the same thing a few times. Though in my defense, if those other people hadn’t been in my way, they wouldn’t have gotten kicked.
Lessons Learned
There were several lessons learned. One of them was that if you’re boyfriend twitches constantly, lies about his identity, and responds to questions about his day by breaking plates, don’t agree to go to an isolated cabin with him. If you do, however, make sure that isolated cabin has a random canoe sitting nearby. Seriously, that canoe is important.
The main lesson, I learned, however is not to ever allow myself to be filmed while running because, 20 years later, some snotty little bitch might see the footage and write a blog post making fun of me.
With Arleigh being away in Boston this weekend, I’ve agreed to attempt to review the second episode of Game Of Thrones, The Kingsroad. I say attempt because, unlike Arleigh and a lot of our regular readers, I am totally and completely unfamiliar with the books that this show is based on.
In other words, up until last week, I was a virgin, at least as far as Game of Thrones was concerned. And while I’m happy to say that losing my Game of Thrones virginity was actually a lot more enjoyable than losing my actual virginity, it still left me, in many ways, just as confused. Who are all these people? I wondered as I watched the 1st episode. Other thoughts that I can remember off the top of my head: Awww…cute little wolves! Wait, is he the king? My red hair is prettier than hers. What the Hell’s going on? Hey, it’s that guy! Huh? Peter Dinklage for the win! What? Huh? Oh shit, that kid’s going to leave a mess when he lands!
Unlike those of you who have read the books, I came into Game of Thrones with absolutely no tools to help me keep everything straight. But yet, through a combination of surprisingly sincere performances, intriguing plot twists, and hot guys acting like men, the show held my interest to enough of an extent that I decided to come this week and get confused all over again.
So, what about this latest episode? Well, looking at it from the point of view of someone who is still learning this show’s language, I think TheKingsroad was the perfect follow-up. After the somewhat frantic pilot episode, Kingsroad slowed the story down a bit and instead devoted most of its time to allowing us to get to know the characters and filling in a lot of backstory. If the first episode concentrated on making the character watchable, this episode concentrates on making the characters into human beings with all the individual quirks, flaws, and strengths that go along with being human. The pilot told us why we should watch. This episode gave us some clues as to why we should care.
After seeing tonight’s episode, there’s still a lot that I don’t understand but I understand enough to know that Joffrey’s a little punk and Tyrion — Tyrion just flat out rocks. (Though, and this is how much of freaking newbie I really am, I originally called him Tyrone throughout this entire review.)
Below are ten other somewhat random thoughts inspired by watching the second episode of Games of Thrones.
1) If I came away with anything from tonight’s episode, it’s that I really need to get myself one of those dire wolves. Over the course of this latest episode, I saw one wolf rip open an assassin’s throat while another one attacked that hateful little brat Joffrey. I mean, I love my cat but the only person he’s willing to attack is me. As long as he gets fed, he doesn’t care if I live or die.
2) But then there was that heart breaking moment when Nedd had to kill Sansa’s dire wolf. I have to admit that I was cringing when I first saw Nedd holding that blade and that I kinda breathed a sigh of relief when I realize that they weren’t actually going to show it happen. But then that pathetic yelp erupted on the soundtrack and it just left me heartbroken.
3) Which is why I can now say that I will probably never dislike another character as intensely as I now dislike Joffrey. In retrospect, the most satisfying part of this episode was watching Tyrion slap Joffrey around at the beginning.
4) And speaking of Tyrion, Peter Dinklage kicks so much serious ass that I don’t even know where to start in praising his performance. His big scene here (outside of slapping around Joffrey) was when he explained to Jon that, if he was a peasant, he would have been left in the forest to die. He delivered the line with the perfect combination of cynicism, weariness, and dark humor. It’s too early to say for sure but I may have found someone to fill the Josh Halloway-shaped void in my heart that was created when Lost ended.
5) I have to say that Sansa, with her refusal to stand-up for her younger sister and her reference to the wounded Joffrey as her “poor prince,” is not doing her fellow redheads proud. Of course, I’m sure some of it has to do with the fact that she’s kind of overshadowed by her far cooler baby sister. I guess that has to be difficult to deal with. Next chance I get, I’ll ask my older sisters about it to find out for sure. 🙂
6) The majority of this episode’s actual “plot” centered around Bran who was last seen getting kicked out of a very high window. Shockingly enough, he’s still alive but he spends most of the show in a coma. To be honest, there was only one false moment for me in this episode and it came when Catelyn found that hair at the “scene of the crime.” I mean, what’s she going to do with it? Call in David Caruso and have him take it back to Miami to be analyzed? Still, I enjoyed the look on the faces of both Cersei and Jaime when they heard that Bran was alive.
7) One thing that I am greatly enjoying about this show is the way that the personal and the political mix throughout the story. For all the plotting and talk of strategy, most of the show’s past and future conflict appears to be largely the result of wounded pride, jealousy, insecurity, and miscommunication. Just like in real life and that, I think, is why this show will survive and why I will continue to watch it even if I am never 100% sure just what exactly is really going on.
8 ) I’m actually enjoying the fact that Game of Thrones takes a bit of effort to follow. It was actually a pretty wise choice on the show’s producers’ part to just jump right into the action. It makes the show feel real and relatable. It allows even those of us who haven’t read the books to enjoy it.
9) So, did all you guys out there enjoy watching Daenerys learning how to pleasure her scary giant of a husband? It’s okay if you did because I did and I’m a card-carrying Ms. 45 feminist. Fact of the matter is that, once you get through all of the usual “quality television” arguments, the main appeal of HBO is that its quality television with frequent frontal nudity. (That’s why me and Erin used to secretly watch Oz when we were younger.) And Daenerys’ demand that Drogo at least look at her face while using her — well, who couldn’t relate to that?
10) Finally, I have to mention that this show has got to have one of the best opening credit sequences ever! Seriously, that majestic yet ominous music playing over images of a civilization being created, it’s a wonderful combination and definitely one that I hope to see for many more weeks to come.
Hi! So, guess what today is? *sigh* Yes, smartass, it is Sunday but that’s not what I was looking for. *shaking head*
It’s my anniversary! That’s right — one year ago today, I posted my first review on this site and twelve months and 243 posts later, I have yet to shut up.
So, I was wondering — what should I do to observe this occasion? Well, I guess I could so what most people would do and not make a big deal out of it but — well, I’m incapable of not making a big deal out of stuff. Briefly, I considered posting a nude picture as my way of saying thank you but who wants to see that, right? So, as I woke up this morning from my usual 2 hours of sleep, I asked myself, “Lisa, what are you going to do?”
Well, for the most part, I’ve observed the occasion by being kinda lazy. Seriously, I’ve spent today in my beloved Hello Kitty robe (pictured above, it’s so comfy!), curled up on my couch with my feet tucked underneath me. I’ve been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Chiller.
Of course, to be honest, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer always makes me want to go out and like start kicking people out of the hope that they’ll turn out to be vampire or a demon or a Riley. And since, I’m just a teensy bit more klutzy than Buffy and Faith, that show has indirectly been responsible for a lot of sprained ankles.
Anyway, I’ve decided to observe my anniversary by doing two things. First off, I’ve read through my 243 previous posts and I’ve selected ten that I think pretty much tell you all you need to know about both who I am and my own taste in film. And here they are:
2) 10 Reasons Why I Hated Avatar (posted on April 21st, 2010) — In which I explain why I’m right and everyone else is wrong.
3) Too Sordid To Ever Be Corrupted (posted on August 1st, 2010) — My manifesto in which I explain why I love the grindhouse.
4) Titanic: In Retrospect (posted on October 6th, 2010) — In which I discover whether or not Titanic is still as good as I thought it was when I was 12.
10) Lisa Marie Takes a Sucker Punch (dir. by Zack Snyder) (posted on March 27th, 2011) — In which I defend the most unfairly maligned movie of 2011.
And secondly, as I think I’ve made clear here, I love trailers. Quite often, I’d rather watch the trailer than the film itself. So, here’s the trailer for a film that, at the suggestion of the Trash Film Guru, I will be watching and reviewing at some point in the near future — Birdemic: Shock and Terror.
Enjoy!
And, on that note, let me just extend my sincere thanks to everyone who has read anything I’ve written over the past year. I’m especially thankful to those of you who have taken the time to comment and let me know your opinion (except for Vermont Fran and Outraged Bob, who were kinda humorless and boring about it). I’ve had a wonderful time this year, sharing and interacting and here’s hoping that this next year will be even better!
