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Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.20 “By Hooker by Crook”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Sonny falls for a madame.

Episode 3.20 “By Hooker by Crook”

(Dir by Don Johnson, originally aired on March 20th, 1987)

Here I am, halfway through the third season of Miami Vice and it still amuses the Heck out of me how shocked Crockett and Tubbs are whenever their cover gets blown.

As far as  I can tell, neither Crockett nor Tubbs make much of an effort at maintaining their cover, beyond using the names Burnett and Cooper.  (Tubbs occasionally uses a fake Jamaican accent.)  They dress exactly the same as cops as they do when they’re criminals.  They hang out, in public, with the other members of the Vice Squad.  They occasionally respond to “all unit” calls, which means that anyone in the area at the time will recognize them as being cops.  Add to that, Crockett is supposedly a minor Florida celebrity, a former football star who went to Vietnam.  In short, these two have the worst covers ever but they’re still stunned when the criminals see through their “Burnett and Cooper” identities …. even though it happens in every episode!

This time, it’s George Takei, playing a viscous crime lord, who sees through their cover and orders his men to attack.  It leads to a shoot-out, much of which is filmed in slow motion.  It would be pretty exciting and dramatic, except for the fact that one of Takei’s henchmen is played Captain Lou Albano, the rubber band-wearing wrestler.  It also doesn’t help that Takei is …. well, he’s Takei.  He camps up his villain role to such an extent that it’s impossible to take him seriously as any sort of threat.  Even though he orders his men to kill an escort played by Vanity, he still comes across as being flamboyant, eccentric old George.

This episode was directed by Don Johnson and, as often happens when a cast member first tries his hand at directing, it’s filled with shots that are supposed to make you go, “Hey, this guy’s got a vision!”  The slow motion gunfight is an example of this.  An extended scene that is filmed with a fish-eyed lens (the better to represent Izzy’s point of view as he looks through a peephole) is another example.  A sex scene between Crockett and a madame who is played by Melanie Griffith is filmed in soft focus and lit in such a way that it looks like the entire set is about to burst into flame from the heat.  Johnson the director seems to be saying, “Dang, Don Johnson’s hot!”

At the time of this episode, Melanie Griffith was divorced from Don Johnson and married to Steve Bauer.  Later, she would divorce Bauer and remarry Johnson.  Johnson and Griffith do have amazing chemistry in this episode so kudos to Johnson the Director for making a good casting choice.  Johnson the actor owes him one.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 4.13 “Testing, One, Two Three”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, everyone faces a test.

Episode 4.13 “Testing, One, Two, Three”

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on January 30th, 1990)

After being absent for the past few episodes, Joey and Caitlin are finally the center of this week’s story.  Both of them are struggling.  Joey, despite all of his efforts to study and pay attention in class, is still getting bad grades.  The school counselor thinks that Joey has dysgraphia, a learning disability that makes it difficult for him to express his thoughts in an organized fashion.  Caitlin, meanwhile, is going to have to appear in court as a result of getting arrested while vandalizing that nuclear plant.

A few thoughts:

  • Claude — or “Clode” as he wants to be called — once again shows himself to be the worst ever when he says he’s not sure if he can go to court with Caitlin.  Claude is the one who convincing Caitlin to vandalize the plant in the first place and, when the cops showed up, he abandoned her.  Big-time rebel Claude actually asks his parents for permission to skip school to go to Caitlin’s court date.  They say no, just as Claude knew they would.  What a putz!
  • “My parents aren’t liberal like yours!” Claude whines to Caitlin.
  • Maya actually puts off a doctor’s appointment so she can go to Caitlin’s medical appointment!  Good for you, Maya …. except, doctor’s appointments can kind of be important, too.
  • Actually, now that I think about it, why should anyone be going to court with Caitlin?  Caitlin made the decision to spray paint her stupid slogans on her own.  Claude shouldn’t have abandoned her but Caitlin shouldn’t have been there in the first place.  Caitlin acts as if Claude should take her punishment for her but actually, Claude being a coward doesn’t mean that Caitlin is somehow absolved.  She knew she could get in trouble when she climbed over that fence.
  • This episode is a good example of why Caitlin drives a lot of people crazy.  Caitlin has a problem and everyone else is expected to drop everything and spend all of their time worrying about it.
  • Joey, meanwhile, has a real problem to deal with.  He feels stupid.  He’s not dumb, not at all.  But his grades remain stubbornly bad and he’s just been told that he has a scary-sounding “condition” and that he’s going to have to take a special class to learn how to function.  And yes, there’s no shame in having a learning disability.  I have ADHD so when Joey talked about struggling to organize his thoughts, I knew exactly what he was saying.  But, when you’re the one hearing the words “learning disability,” it’s scary!  My heart went out to Joey in this episode.
  • Evil bully Dwayne made an appearance, harassing Joey after he overhears Joey describing him as being a gorilla.  Joey and Dwayne get into yet another fight.  Joey gets detention.  Dwayne gets suspended.
  • Caitlin is also in detention, as a result of slapping Claude.  Caitlin and Joey are still not getting along but we know that’s going to change.
  • Finally, there was one other subplot.  The students in a difficult biology class were excited to learn that Alex (John Ioannou) had an advanced copy of the big test.  Alex’s older brother saved all of his old tests.  Alex gives Tessa a copy of the test but makes her promise not to let anyone know.  Tessa lets everyone know.  Everyone in the class passes!  They don’t get caught.  But the teacher says its obvious that the test was too easy so he decides to toss out the results and give everyone a new test …. WHAT!?  CAN HE DO THAT!?  What the heck, Canada!?
  • Incidentally, I never would have passed Algebra II if my sister hadn’t saved all of her tests.  Thank you, Erin Nicole!

And that’s it for the week.  Remember — in yourself, you must believe!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.5 “The Last Of The Watermen”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

If you’re checking with the imdb and saying, “You’re reviewing these out of order!,” I’m reviewing them in the order that they were meant to air as opposed to the order by which NBC showed them.

Episode 3.5 “The Last of the Watermen”

(Dir by Richard Pearce, originally aired on December 9th, 1994)

We learn a bit more about the personal lives of Baltimore’s Homicide detectives with this episode.

For instance, we discover that Munch and Gee living in the same neighborhood.  When Gee, whose washing machine has broken down, visits the local laundromat, he’s not necessarily overjoyed to see Munch sitting there.  Munch talks and talks.  Gee lights a cigar and tries to read his newspaper in peace.  Munch keeps talking.  Gee points out that it’s the weekend and he doesn’t like to talk to anyone on the weekend.  Sunday is his day.  Munch nods and then keeps talking.  Gee stands up and moves to another part of the laundromat.

We also get to meet Kay Howard’s family.  Disgusted by the latest murder scene that she and Beau have come across and the fact that an elderly woman was murdered and her tongue was subsequently cut out and then stuffed down her throat (yikes!), Kay decides that she’s due some vacation time.  She leaves Baltimore and drives out to the local fishing village where she grew up.  She spends time with her father and her brother and a guy who she once had a romantic relationship with.  She visits her mother’s grave.  It’s interesting to see Kay outside of Baltimore and to see how she interacts with family.  It was so interesting that I was kind of annoyed that she still ended up working a murder.  A local environmental activist is murdered.  Kay worries that the murderer might have been her brother but it turns out to have been another fisherman.  I mean, I get it.  The show is called Homicide and Kay is a detective but still, I would have been just as happy if the show had just focused on her family and their rituals.  This episode is 30 years old but the scenes of the blue collar fishermen talking about how they were being “regulated” out of their life’s work still rang true.

While Kay was visiting family, Felton got a temporary new partner and you’ve probably already guessed that it was Pembleton.  This is not the first time that Pembleton has been assigned to work with Felton.  The pilot featured that classic scene of Pembleton checking car-after-car while Felton complained about Pembleton always having to be right.  Felton and Pembleton do make for an interesting team, if just because they do seem to sincerely dislike each other.  (I also enjoyed Gee’s half-smile as Pembleton reacted to the news that he would be working with Felton.)  In this case, Pembleton and Felton working together didn’t lead to any great fireworks, other than Felton reacting with shock at the idea of Pembleton preferring hockey to basketball.  The killer of the elderly woman turned out to be her grandson who said he did it because she wouldn’t stop talking.  That was sad, to be honest.  Grandmothers are supposed to talk.  Felton and Pembleton dragged the kid off to jail.

This was an okay episode.  After the emotional powerhouse of Crosetti, it was good to get something that was a bit more lowkey.  It was nice to be reminded that everyone has a family.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.9 “Bannister & Dale”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

I guess Howard’s a TV star now.

Episode 3.9 “Bannister & Dale”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 14th, 1987)

Mr. Dale (Paul Soles) is an old vaudevillian who now shops at Cobb’s.  He doesn’t have enough money to pay his rent so Howard gives him a job working at the store.  He doesn’t have enough money to keep his retirement home running so Howard gets Mr. Dale booked on a television show.  Mr. Dale’s old partner died in 1952 so Howard agrees to step in and….

Wait.  Howard’s a talent agent now?

Seriously, how does a grocery store manager have the connections necessary to get an obscure vaudevillian booked on a national talk show?  I mean, I get that they’re all up in Canadas and it’s a simpler place but still, it just seems like a stretch.  And really, how popular was vaudeville in the 80s?  I always see all of these old TV shows, where the characters are doing a fundraiser or something and they recreate a vaudeville act or they put on clown makeup and sing Bring In The Clowns but it never feels very realistic.

Anyway, most of the show is made up of Howard and Mr. Dale recreating Mr. Dale’s old vaudeville routines and it’s all pretty dumb.  But I will say that it was a lot easier for me buy Don Adams as an old man who remembered and loved vaudeville than as the swinging 40-something store manager that the show usually presents him as being.  Still, it’s a bit strange to imagine a national talk show setting aside time for an act featuring an old vaudevillian and a grocery store manager.  I guess that’s Canada for you.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/2/25 — 3/8/25

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I watched the Oscars on March 2nd.  I originally intended to watch it on Hulu but Hulu struggled, just as Netflix did during its first time out, with streaming such a large event and I ended up just watching the ceremony on boring old ABC.  I liked the Oscars this time around.  Conan O’Brien was a good host.  The politics were kept to a minimum.  The ceremony moved along efficiently and it was hard not to get caught up in Sean Baker’s enthusiasm.  I cheered when Flow won.  I groaned when the Best Documentary winners started their long ramble.  The ceremony felt like a throwback to the old Oscars.  The ratings were not good, regardless of how they’ve been spun.  Eventually, the Oscars will be something that will be exclusively streamed on Hulu and that’s it.  Hopefully, Hulu will get the bugs out of the system before next year.

Before I watched the Oscars, I watched Devil In The Family: The Fall of Ruby Franke, the latest creepy true crime docuseries on Hulu.  I watched as Ruby went from a successful mommy vlogger to a convicted felon.  Interestingly, most of the people hurt by Ruby went on to become influencers themselves.  The docuseries was an intense look at just how crazy people can get in a world where everyone is famous.

Also on Sunday, I watched Gordon Ramsay rescue a gastropub on Kitchen Nightmares.  Come Thursday, I watched another episode of Dark with Case.

Throughout the week, I watched my usual shows for my Retro Television Reviews.  I didn’t watch a lot and I need to get caught up on Abbott Elementary, Survivor, and a few others.  But this week was still an improvement over last week!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.19 “The Gang Show”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

Gabe and Julie are gone but life continues at Buchanan High.

Episode 4.19 “The Gang Show”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on March 17th, 1979)

It’s time for the annual Buchanan High talent show and this year, Epstein and Washington are totally convinced that their lame mid-reading act is going to win.  They’ve lost every year that they’ve entered and, considering that both Epstein and Washington appears to be pushing 40, that’s a lot of failure!  Horshack and Beau talk about how their friends came in dead last during the previous show.  How does Beau know?  Beau’s the new kid.  Beau was in Louisiana or wherever he’s supposed to be from when the last talent show was held.

Epstein and Washington think that they’ve got this contest in the bag.  The judges are Horshack, Beau, and their classmate, Wilbur (Bob Harcum).  Their dedicated teacher, Jean Tremaine (Della Reese), is a bit concerned that the judges won’t be mature enough to set aside their friendships and truly honor the best act.  Maybe Mr. Kotter should talk to them….

Oh wait, Gabe isn’t in this episode.

Maybe Julie needs to cross her arms and tell the judges, “This is not funny….”

Oh wait, Julie’s not here either.

That’s right, this is another Welcome Back Kotter episode that doesn’t feature or even mention a single Kotter.  Woodman is there, making odd comments and carrying two hardboiled eggs.  (Woodman’s so cool.)  But the Kotters are gone and, for some reason, everyone’s acting like Ms. Treamaine has always been their teacher.

As for the talent show, Epstein and Washington’s act sucks.  Far more impressive is Carvelli (Charles Fleischer), who sings a blues song about peanut butter and jelly and show that there’s more to him than just being a bully.  Remember when Carvelli and Wilbur first appeared on the show and they were members of a rival gang and the implication was that both Carvelli and Wilbur had killed multiple people?  Now, suddenly, Carvelli is the king of the talent show and Wilbur is one of the judges.  It’s amazing how things change.  All they really had to do was get rid of Julie and suddenly, Carvelli is revealing himself to be a sensitive soul.

Horshack and Beau do the right thing.  They vote for Carvelli.  Wilbur votes for Washington and Epstein because he genuinely liked their dumb act.  Apparently, there were no other acts.  What a lame talent show!  Tremiane is proud of Horshack and Beau for doing the right thing.  She encourages Washington and Epstein to try again next year …. NEXT YEAR!?  Epstein’s going gray and Washington has laugh lines.  If they’re still in school next year, Buchanan needs to be shut down!

This was a weird episode.  I used to make fun of Gabe’s corny jokes but they would have been useful in this episode.  Seriously, this whole fourth season just feels wrong.  Kotter without Kotter just doesn’t work.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.5 “Stick It In Your Ear”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, a hearing aide turns into a snake and heads explode all over wherever this show is supposed to be taking place.  I always assumed this show took place in Canada but some people insist it was set in Chicago.  I just know it’s taking place somewhere cold.

Episode 3.5 “Stick In Your Ear”

(Dir by Douglas Jackson, originally aired on October 16th, 1989)

Hack stage mentalist Adam Cole (Wayne Best) has come into possession of a cursed hearing aid that allows him to hear the thoughts of other people.  This is great for act!  However, the hearing aid also sometimes becomes so full of other people’s thoughts that Adam has to commit murder to keep his head from exploding.  Yikes!

This is yet another episode where more time is spent with the person using the cursed object than with Jack, Micki, and Ryan Johnny.  There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that and Wayne Best does fine  in the role of the not-particularly sympathetic Adam Cole.  But, watching this episode, I still found myself missing the old days — let’s call them the Ryan days — when the chemistry between the three leads was often just as important as the gore and the horror.  As a character, Johnny still often feels a bit half-baked, as if the show’s writers still weren’t quite sure who he was.  When he was first introduced, he was cocky and streetwise.  Then he went to prison for a murder he didn’t commit!  Then, he was revealed to be a baseball fan who liked to build ships in bottles.  And now, in this episode, he’s suddenly an aspiring writer who enjoys reading the tabloids.  Steven Monarque does what he can but the character is so inconsistent that Johnny still feels a bit out-of-place in the show’s world.  At the very least, Ryan had a reason for sticking with the often grisly hunt for the antiques.  He wanted to do it with his cousin.  (I know, I know …. ewwww!  But it was also Ryan’s most defining motivation.)  Johnny’s motivations are a bit more opaque.

This episode did feature some Cronenbergian body horror, a nice reminder of Friday the 13th‘s Canadian origins.  Not clearing out the hearing aid leads to some exploding head action which is quite graphic even for this show.  That said, it bothers me that one person’s head more or less implodes in front of an entire studio audience and you really do have to wonder how exactly that’s going to be explained to the press.  I would think an exploding head and a snake-like hearing aid would lead to a lot of people saying, “Hey, maybe there is something out there.”

This was a gory episode, nicely acted and featuring an intriguing antique.  That said, I still miss Ryan.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.14 “Remission”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

It’s another day at the hospital.

Episode 1.14 “Remission”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on February 22nd, 1983)

A young Michael Madsen pops up in this episode, playing a hoodlum named Mike O’Connor who brings his severely beaten friend to the hospital.  This was Madsen’s first role on television and, in his very first scene and while delivering his very first televised monologue, he drops the N-word as he accuses a group of black men of beating up his friend.  Dr. Morrison is worried about whether or not Madsen’s friend is going to lose a kidney.  Meanwhile, race relations in Boston are not doing well.  What else is new?

(I remember, after the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, there was a commentator who thought he was being clever when he said, “I don’t understand why blacks stay in the South when they could just move to Boston.”  The response to his comments served as a reminder that Boston’s history of racism makes some Southern cities seem almost progressive by comparison.)

It’s interesting that Michael Madsen is the second well-known actor to appear on St. Elsewhere as a gang member.  Just a few episodes ago, Howie Mandel was chasing Ray Liotta out of the hospital.  This particular episode ended with a fight breaking out in the ER between a white gang and a black gang.  I assume this will be continued next week so I guess we still have time to see Howie Mandel pull a gun on Michael Madsen.  Seriously, it better happen.  I’m plotting the upcoming week around it.

Speaking of Dr. Fiscus, he got evicted from his apartment.  He was shocked, even though he hadn’t paid his rent in forever.  No one wants Fiscus to stay with them but, after Fiscus saved Dr. Ehrlich from getting beaten up in the ER (and no, this was not a part of the gang fight, instead it was a different fight — goldang, Boston’s dangerous!  And yes, I gave up cursing for Lent), Ehrlich agrees to let Fiscus stay with him until he gets a new place.  I imagine Ehrlich will come to regret that, especially after Fiscus showed up with Dr. Kochar and a homeless guy who had earlier helped them steer a truck out of a traffic jam.  What?  Don’t ask, it didn’t make much sense on the show either.

Dr. Cavenero has been nominated for a prestigious fellowship by Dr. Auschlander but she’s not sure if she should accept it because the fellowship would be for research and she’s not sure that’s what she wants to focus on.  Auschlander has bigger issues to deal with, as he ends up collapsing in the hospital hallway, a result of his liver cancer.  The irony that Auschlander, a liver specialist, is dying of liver cancer is not lost on Auschlander and Norman Lloyd did a wonderful job in this episode, portraying not only Auschlander’s frustration but also his gentle humor.

Also, a woman was walking around the hospital and flashing people.  She said it was because she wanted to show off that, even in middle age, she still had a good body.  That makes sense to me.  Played by Janis Page, she was somehow who was fine for a one episode storyline but I’m going to scream if this becomes a multi-episode thing, like it did with Ralph the Birdman.

This was a good episode, even if I get the feeling the whole gang thing is going to be cringey in the way that most 80s television shows tended to be whenever they tried to take on race relations.  Norman Lloyd’s heartfelt performance carried the hour.  I’m hoping the best for Dr. Auschlander.  He’s a character that I would hate to lose.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.5 “Wally”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Dick Van Dyke has a puppet show.

Episode 3.15 “Wally”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 14th, 1987)

Jonathan and Mark’s latest assignment is Wally (Dick Van Dyke), a lovable old man who lives in a box in an alley, puts on a streetside puppet show, and goes out of his way to show kindness to everyone, from a dying boy to a woman who, like Wally, is an alcoholic trying to stay sober to the blind men who line the street and ask for help from people walking by.  Wally is destined to die, at which point he’ll become an angel.  The show suggests that Wally already is angel, having devoted his life to helping other.

Let’s see …. Dick Van Dyke as a saintly, homeless, recovering alcoholic who puts on a puppet show where the puppets discuss the difficulty of being poor in America.  Look, you all know how I usually feel about this stuff.  I usually take real issue with any film or television show that I find to be overly manipulative or heavy-handed.  I’ve also mentioned more than a few times that I think a lot of films and television shows tend to idealize homelessness, an instinct born from good intentions  but one that often ignores the very real reality and which is often counter-productive.  Too often, being homeless is treated in such a sentimental manner that it actually becomes a bit insulting.  Maybe, someday, someone should ask the people who live at the bus stop across the street from the Frank Cowley Courthouse how they feel about things.  Speaking as someone who once got called all sorts of names — and yes, one of them started with a C — because she refused an offer of a drink from a bottle in a brown paper bag while she waited for the bus to take her back to the DART train station after a day of jury duty, I could tell you a few things.  (Another person who could tell you a few things is a friend of mine in Florida who got evicted from his apartment and who spent a month alternating between living on the street and in a shelter.  He told me recently that the main thing he learned from the experience is that no one helps anyone.)  When you add that Wally was being played by Dick Van Dyke, a good actor but one who can go a little overboard when cast in a serious role, you can maybe understand what I was expecting from this episode.

And, to a certain extent, I was right.  This is Highway to Heaven.  It’s not subtle show and this was not a subtle episode.  This was an episode where everyone was so charmed by Dick Van Dyke and his puppets that they would happily let him into their homes to perform for sick children but no one was willing to help him get off the streets.  This was also an episode where Wally revealed that the money he did make all went to providing a home for someone else.  This is an episode where Wally’s kindness literally heals a dying child.  This episode was sentimental, heavy-handed, and a little preachy but it worked.  The show is just so earnest and Dick Van Dyke’s performance was just so heartfelt that it cast a spell that pretty much negated all cynicism for an hour.  (Despite my fears, Van Dyke did not go overboard as Wally, giving a performance that felt genuine and heartfelt.)  This was an episode that perhaps should not have worked but it did.  It worked wonderfully.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.4 “Chasing Stads”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Bye bye, Stads!

Episode 2.4 “Chasing Stads”

(dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

After getting fired from her lifeguarding job after she follows Jason’s advice and complains about not getting promotion, Stads proceeds to accidentally burn down her apartment building when she used a faulty hair dryer.  We hear a news report that says it’s the worst “apartment building” fire in Malibu history so I’m going to guess that people died.

Stads should be going to jail on a manslaughter charge.  Instead, she hops on a plane and goes to Europe for a year.  This is the same Stads who, earlier in the show, was saying that she was flat broke.  Stads is gone and Jason is sad so he hops on a plane and joins here in Switzerland, where he gets a job working with her in a hotel.  I guess Jason’s gone now.  Yay!

Oh wait.  It turns out that Jason is dreaming of pursuing his musical career and to do that, he needs to return to Malibu because God knows it’s not like there are record companies in Europe.  Jason promises he’ll wait for Stads.  “I’m going to miss you.” Stads says.  Awww!

I, on the other hand, am not going to miss Stads because the show transformed her from being a fairly interesting character — a socially awkward lifeguard who was unlucky in love but totally capable of saving lives — into a fairly annoying killjoy whose main purpose was to roll her eyes and get mad at every single line of dialogue.  In the end, Stads represented the fact that the writers of this show had no idea how to write female characters.  In the world of Malibu CA, you could be a ditz or a …. well, I gave up cursing for Lent but you know what I’m saying.

Myself, I’m just trying to figure out the logistics of Jason suddenly showing up in Switzerland.  How did he pay for the trip?  How did he get over there so quickly?  Did he give his two-weeks at the restaurant?  Did he tell his dad or his brother?  Were they cool with him just moving to another country?  This episode certainly establishes that no one’s in high school any more so is their father okay with his two sons skipping college despite not really having any of the skills necessary to survive in the real world?  Seriously, this episode raised too many questions.

Meanwhile Lisa Jones tried to break Murray of his soap opera addiction.  It was pretty dumb.  Marquita Terry may have improved an actress since Malibu CA, I don’t know.  And let’s be honest …. it’s not like the show was really giving her great material work with.  That said, we are four episodes into the second season and her performance on the show is making Trevor Merszei and Jason Hayes look like Oscar winners.

Oy vey, this show.