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Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.14 “Retiring Dad”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, Peter tries to enjoy retirement but his dumbass sons screw it all up.

Episode 2.14 “Retiring Dad”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 5th, 2000)

This may be the worst episode of Malibu CA that I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something as every episode of this show that I watch is the worst until I watch the next one.  Most bad shows will still occasionally have a good episode.  Somehow, Malibu CA continues to get worse and worse.  I say this despite the fact that Edward Blatchford, Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor have consistently managed to give performance that are far better than the material.  I say this despite the fact that Trevor Merszie, in the role of Scott, is nowhere near as annoying during the second season than he was during the first.  Despite those improvements, the show continues to decline with each passing week.

It all comes down to the writing, which is uninspired even by the standards of the typical 90s teen sitcom.  Peter Engel’s shows were never known for their strong scripts but California Dreams (especially during its final season) showed that it was possible to make a good show while remaining true to Engel’s “vision” of what a teen sitcom should be.  The writing on Malibu CA just feels lazy and, for whatever reason, storylines seem to consistently focus on the two weakest members of the cast, Jason Hayes and Marquita Terry.

(I should say that, in fairness to Terry, her character usually got stuck with the worst lines in each episode and the writers never came up with much of a personality beyond, “Girl Who Complains Nonstop.”  As for Jason Hayes, he was still looking straight at the camera halfway through the second season.)

As for this episode, it features Peter finally retiring from running The Lighthouse so that he can fish and travel.  He leaves his two idiot sons in charge.  In this episode, we learn that Scott is apparently in college while Jason is still pursuing his — *snicker* — music career.  Why Peter would leave his sons in  charge (especially when you consider that, whenever he’s done so in the past, it’s always led to disaster) is a question that show never really explains.  Seriously, is there no one else that works at the restaurant?  It’s a big restaurant.  Surely, there is someone else who is capable of running the restaurant.  Considering the amount of time that Marquita Terry’s Lisa spends complaining about every little decision that Peter makes, maybe she should have been put in charge.  She certainly seems more emotionally invested in the place than either Jason or Scott.

Jason and Scott’s attempt to turn the restaurant into a nightclub leads to a brawl between two customers who proceed to totally trash the place.  Again, the restaurant gets trashed in every other episode so you would think Jason and Scott would be used to this.  (You would also think that the restaurant would have gone out of business a long time ago as I can’t imagine it’s cost efficient to have to rebuild the damn place twice a month.)  Peter ends his retirement because both of his sons are idiots.  I’d feel bad for Peter but he was stupid for trusting them in the first place.

Meanwhile, Murray’s cousin — Alecia — is visiting from Alabama.  Murray is overprotective but then, at the end of the episode, Alecia sings a song and everything is magically fixed.  Alecia was played by Alecia Elliott, who was a cast member of another Peter Engel-produced sitcom, All About Us.  Elliott had just released her first country album when she appeared on Malibu CA.  I have to admit that I did laugh out loud when, from out of nowhere, she suddenly started singing.  Of course, her song took up the last four minutes of the show, which spared us from having to deal with anymore scenes involving the restaurant.  That was a good thing.

There’s only a handful of episodes left.  Soon, I will never have to write or think about this show again.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.20 “Werewolf of Hollywood”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters satirizes the film business.  Well, it’s about time someone did!

Episode 3.20 “Werewolf of Hollywood”

(Dir by Thomas J. Whelan, originally aired on February 10th, 1991)

Screenwriter Buzz Hunkle (Richard Belzer) has been instructed to rewrite a script that was originally written by Leo Tandoski (Shelley Berman).  Leo’s script is about a studio head who is actually a werewolf.  Buzz and his assistant Vicki (Geraldine Leer) read the script and immediately deduce that Leo is attacking executive Billy Mariner (David Leary).  At first, Buzz just assumes that the werewolf angle is a bit of heavy-handed satire but, when Leo turns up dead, Buzz comes to suspect that Billy might actually be a werewolf!  Vicki gives Buzz a gun full of what she claims are silver bullets and she sends him off to investigate.  Of course, it turns out that everyone in this show business tale has a secret or two.

This episode …. well, I liked the idea behind it.  It had potential, I’ll give it that.  And the werewolf effects were certainly effective.  Monsters was a show that almost always featured effective makeup and costuming.  That said, I have to admit that I wanted to like this episode more than I actually did.  Whenever Monsters tries to be intentionally funny, it almost always comes across as if it’s trying too hard and that was certainly the case with this episode.  As an actor, Richard Belzer was always inconsistent.  He did good work as Detective Munch.  In this episode of Monsters, he sleepwalks through the role.  I really wanted this episode to work but it just feel flat for me.

Guess what?  We’ve only got four more episodes of Monsters left!  Overall, I have enjoyed reviewing this show, even if it has been a bit uneven overall.  I’ll miss it when I’m done.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.1 and 6.2 The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, season 6 begins!

Episode 6.1 and 6.2 “The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 2nd, 1982)

The Love Boat crew goes to Italy!

The sixth season of The Love Boat did indeed start with a cruise to Italy.  It was a special two-hour episode, shot on location at sea and in Italy!  Our crew visits Monaco, Rome, Capri, and Venice and really, that’s the main appeal of this episode.  It’s certainly not the stories, which are pretty superficial even by the standards of the Love Boat.

Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters play an old Italian couple who bicker through the whole cruise but who also truly love each other.  Awwww!  Ernest and Shelley were veteran actors and they both appear to be having fun devouring the scenery in their scenes.  Their cruise goes better here than it did in The Poseidon Adventure.

Meredith Baxter falls for a man (David Birney, the annoying Dr. Samuels from the first season of St. Elsewhere) who turns out to be a gigolo.  However, he abandons being a manwhore so that he can pursue a relationship with Meredith.  I understand that Baxter and Birney were married at the time.  They have absolutely zero chemistry when they’re acting opposite each other.

Marie Osmond is angry over being expected to take part in an arranged marriage.  Yeah, that is kind of messed up.  She’d rather marry the totally handsome John James.

Finally, an Italian handyman who looks just like Gopher (and who is also played by Fred Grandy) abducts the real Gopher and takes his place on the ship so that he can try to win the love of a wealthy passenger named Angelica Francini (Christopher Norris) and…. well, actually, this storyline is kind of interesting.

Actually, maybe “interesting” the wrong word.

Goofy!  That’s the word I’m looking for.

This storyline is so goofy — so damn goofy — that it’s actually kind of fun.  I mean, it’s The Love Boat.  The Love Boat should be silly.  Fred Grandy playing two characters is silly and fun.  To give credit where credit is due, Grandy did a pretty good job playing the imposter imitating Gopher.  His attempts to speak in a stereotypical American accent made me laugh.  In the end, the real Gopher makes it back to the boat.  Confronted with two Gophers, the Captain realizes that the fake Gopher is the one who has actually been doing a good job and kicks him off the boat.  He’d rather have the real, incompetent Gopher and I don’t blame him.  What’s odd is that no one’s really upset or even that surprised by the kidnapping.  I don’t think anyone even bothers to callsthe police.

Anyway, Italy is the main attraction here.  I love Italy (which I visited the summer after I graduated high school) and I loved this episode!  At one point, Marie Osmond wore a red dress that looked a lot like the one that I wore to Pompeii on that windy day when I accidentally flashed a thousand tourists.  Marie was struggling with the wind too and I was like, “I share your struggle, Marie!”

I enjoyed this cruise.  I want to go back to Italy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.6 “The Enemy Within”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Okay, let’s do this again.

Episode 2.6 “The Enemy Within”

(Dir by Stephen L. Posey, originally aired on September 28th, 1996)

A group of masked men are breaking into the homes of wealthy Vietnamese immigrants and stealing their money and jewelry.  We are told that the men are specifically targeting the Vietnamese because Vietnamese people do not trust banks or the police.  I have no idea if that’s true or not.  I just know that the show insisted that this is true with a bizarre vehemence.  To be honest, I’m Irish-Italian-Spanish in descent and I don’t trust banks or the police either.  That said, I would be kind of offended if something bad happened to me and the cops responded by going, “Eh.  It’s because she’s Irish-Italian-Spanish, what can you do?”

Kelly Hu, who is not Vietnamese, plays Wendy Trang, the granddaughter of a Vietnamese couple of have been robbed.  Her grandfather does not want to talk to the police so Wendy instead talks to her grandfather and then meets with TC to tell him what her grandfather told her.  From what Wendy tells him (which I think would be considered hearsay in a court of law), TC decides that only one of the thieves is Vietnamese and that the head of the robbery crew is probably an American who served in Vietnam and who harbors resentment towards immigrants.  Seriously, he figures that out from just having one conversation.

(Actually, maybe it was Palermo who figured it out.  Once they get on their bikes and put on their helmets, Palermo and TC are pretty much indistinguishable.)

TC recruits a psychic named Leslie Quint (Ken Weiler) to handle a knife that was left behind at the scene and to pick up on whatever psychic residue has been left behind.  Chris smirks and calls the guy a fraud because, two seasons is, the writers still haven’t bothered to give Chris a personality beyond being bitchy.  The psychic not only reveals that the leader of the gang is a big white guy but he also tells Chris that she needs to go to the dentist because she has a cavity.  (Ewwww!  Brush your teeth, weirdo!)  He also tells Cory that her never-before mentioned brother is involved in some trouble.

The psychic’s right!  Peter McNamara (William Bumiller), Cory’s brother, is a corrupt narcotics cop!

Anyway, things worked out.  The bag guys were captured.  Cory realized her brother wasn’t perfect.  Chris learned a lesson about dismissing secret powers.  TC smirked in that oddly humorless way of his.  As Palermo, Rick Rossovich seemed to be begging someone to remember that he had been in both Top Gun and The Terminator before allowing himself to get sucked into the world of Pacific Blue.

Along with Kelly Hu, this episode featured Cronenberg favorite Robert A. Silverman, playing an eccentric on the beach.  It’s always nice to see Silverman!

Otherwise, this was another stupid episode.  At some point, these characters are going to have to develop personalities beyond riding bikes and getting annoyed, right?

 

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.18 “The Devil Stick/Touch and Go”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

It’s time to go back to the Island.  Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 6.18 “The Devil Stick/Touch and Go”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on March 19th, 1983)

I had mixed feelings about this episode.

On the one hand, we do learn a little bit about Tattoo’s past in this episode.  We discover that he lived in Paris before coming to Fantasy Island and becoming Roarke’s assistant and we learn that he may have been a taxi driver.  At one point, his life was saved by a woman named Susan Henderson (Georgia Engel).  To repay her, Tattoo arranges for Susan to come to the Island so that she can pursue her fantasy of getting concert pianist Carter Ransome (Bernie Kopell — who I love on The Love Boat but who is just plain miscast here) to fall in love with her.  Even though Roarke says it will only be for the weekend, Susan is okay with that.  Of course, things get complicated.  Roarke also asks Tattoo how he plans to pay for the fantasy.  Since when does Roarke care about money?  Seriously, after all of the free fantasies that he’s handed out!?  Give Tattoo a break, Roarke!

On the other hand, this fantasy featured Georgia Engel.  Georgia Engel was an actress who specialized in playing very nice women who rarely spoke above a whisper.  Ever since I’ve started doing these retro television reviews, I’ve watched countless episodes featuring Georgia Engel as quirky women who refuse to speak above a whisper.  At first, it didn’t bother me.  Then I watched Jennifer Slept Here, a short-lived sitcom co-starring Georgia Engel.  It was while watching Jennifer Slept Here that I found myself yelling, “SPEAK UP!” whenever Georgia Engel appeared onscreen.

I feel bad because Georgia Engel, in every role that I’ve seen her play, came across as being a genuinely kind soul but the whispering thing …. oh my God, it just annoys the Hell out of me.  And that was certainly the case with this episode.  It was nice to learn more about Tattoo’s life and I’m glad that everyone found love but I’m sick of having to strain to understand or even hear the dialogue whenever Georgia Engel guest stars on one of these shows.

The other fantasy, I liked a bit more.  Carl Peters (Dean Butler) comes to Fantasy Island to meet a woman who has loved for afar, Hallie Miller (Crystal Bernard).  It turns out that Hallie lives on a village on the other side of the Island.  Roarke warns that it’s a weird village that’s never gotten over the execution of a witch several centuries earlier.  At first, I was like, “Since when is there a town on the other side of the Island?” but then I remembered that, during the first season, there was a whole fantasy that took place in fishing village that happened to be on the Island.  Anyway, this fantasy is supernatural-themed and I always like it when Fantasy Island embraces its supernatural origins.

It was an uneven trip to the Island this week but what can I say?  I like island trips!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.21 “Thrill Show”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week’s episode is all about the thrills!

Episode 3.21 “Thrill Show”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on February 23rd, 1980)

Bonnie (Randi Oakes) has a decision to make.  Her ex-boyfriend and mentor, Ray (John McCook, of Bold and the Beautiful fame) has come to Los Angeles and is trying to convince her to quit the force and join him as a member of the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show!

The what?

I have to admit that I had no idea what the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show was but all of the police officers were really excited about it and the episode’s storylines all came to a halt for ten minutes so we could have an extended sequences of drivers doing stunts.  I assumed that the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show was a real thing and a quick check with Wikipedia confirmed that I was correct.  (In fact, Chitwood played Charlie, James Bond’s unfortunate driver in Live and Let Die.)

While Bonnie struggles with her future, Baker and Ponch pursue the members of a rock band who have been robbing tourist buses so that they can raise the money to record their first album.  Hell yeah, that’s taking control of your future!  The leader of the band was named Malcolm and he was played by Paul Nicholas, who also played Peter Frampton’s brother in Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.  Whatever else you may think of that film, Nicholas’s performance of You Never Give Me Your Money was nicely done.

This episode seemed to primarily exist to advertise the Chitwood show but, as I’ve stated before, I’ve always liked fast cars and dramatic stunts.  What can I say?  I’m a Southern girl, it’s in my blood.  The idea of a band robbing tourists to pay for its album was actually kind of interesting, even if the episode didn’t really do much with it.  Paul Nicholas was a bit more charismatic than the typical CHiPs co-star.

In other words, this episode …. hey, it was okay!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.6 “God’s Work”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

After a two-week hiatus, the retro television reviews are back!  Let’s start with Miami Vice.

Episode 4.6 “God’s Work”

(Dir by Jan Eliasberg, originally aired on November 6th, 1987)

Father Ernesto Lupe (Daniel Lugo), an old friend of Castillo’s, runs an AIDS hospice in Miami.  When Father Ernesto is shot and murdered, Castillo takes a particular interest in the case.

Was Father Ernesto shot by one of the neighborhood homophobes, the same punks who spend their free time spray-painting obscene graffiti on the front doors of the hospice?

Was Father Ernesto’s death connected to his brother-in-law, notorious drug lord Jorge Cruz (Alfonso Arau)?  The Vice Squad has been investigating the Cruz family.  Francesco (Franceso Quinn) is the brutish son, the one who enjoys throwing his weight around and who goes out of his way to bully everyone that he meets.  Felipe (Esai Morales) is the young son, who has just returned from Miami after making a fortune as a stockbroker in New York.  Is Felipe looking to take over the family business?

Actually, Felipe wants nothing to do with the family business.  He’s returned to Miami because an ex-boyfriend is a patient at the AIDS hospice and Felipe wanted to spend time with him before he died.  And Father Ernesto’s death had nothing to do with drugs.  Instead, Jorge shot him because Jorge blamed Ernesto’s sermons, which stressed God’s love above all else, for being responsible for Felipe “becoming” gay.  Even after Felipe explains that the sermons had nothing to do with it and that he’s always been gay, Jorge still thinks that he can “cure” his son by making him a part of the family business.

Yikes!

There was a lot going on in this episode.  In fact, there was almost too much going on.  Between Castillo investigating Ernesto’s death and Tubbs (working undercover) trying to arrest Franceso, this episode sometimes felt a bit overstuffed.  It was still an effective episode, though, featuring good performances from Arau, Quinn, Morales, and Edward James Olmos.  Castillo actually got to laugh at one point in this episode.  I don’t think that’s ever happened before.

This episode did remind me — as I think almost every episode does — that Crockett and Tubbs undercover work has never made much sense.  Tubbs spends the majority of the first half of the episode pretending to be a criminal looking to make a deal with Francisco.  That’s fine.  It even allows Tubbs to use his fake Caribbean accent.  It’s been a while since we’ve heard that.  But then, after Father Ernesto is shot, Tubbs shows up at the crime scene with his badge.  Now, seriously, Father Ernesto is Francesco’s uncle.  Francesco is a suspect in the murder.  Why would Tubbs run the risk of blowing his cover like that?  For that matter, why was Vice investigating a homicide?

Even when Vice is good, it often doesn’t make sense.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/1/25 — 6/7/25

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, television.  It’s been a while since I’ve really had time to watch you!

Here’s what I watched this week:

Cold Case: The Tylenol Murders (Netflix)

This is the latest in the true crime docuseries that Joe Berlinger has been doing for Netflix.  Over three episodes, this series told the story of a series of Tylenol poisonings that occurred in the early 80s.  The show featured the last record interview with James Lewis, the number one suspect.  Personally, I thought Lewis came across like he was guilty as Hell.  If you’re like me and you suffer from frequent headaches, exercise some caution before watching this one.

Good American Family (Hulu)

I finally watched this true crime miniseries this week.  Good American Family centers around the story of Natalia Grace, a seven year-old with dwarfism who was abandoned by her adoptive parents.  Her adoptive mother (played by Ellen Pompeo) claimed that Natalia (played by Imogen Faith Reid) was actually a 22 year-old con artist.

It’s an interesting story and the miniseries featured good performances from Pompeo and Mark Duplass, cast as her husband.  But, at 8 episodes, the whole thing felt a bit overextended and the show itself was pretty inconsistent.  As so often happens with these Hulu true crime docuseries, the attempts to use the story to critique and satirize middle America fell flat.

 

Song of the Day: Dust (What I Know) by Downtown Sasquatch

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to Shane Kippel!

Shane Kippel, as I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, played Spinner Mason on Degrassi: The Next Generation.  He started out as the school bully but, by the time the third season began, he was pretty much the heart of the ensemble.  How cool was Shane Kippel?  He was so cool that Spinner ended up getting held back three times just so there would be an excuse to keep Kippel on the show!

(“What type of idiot fails his own language!?” Spinner once said when confronted with his grade in English.  Oh, Spinner!)

Today’s song of the day features Shane Kippel on drums.  From Degrassi, here is Downtown Sasquatch with Dust!

(The other members of the band are Jake Epstein on vocals, Aubrey Graham on guitar, and Adamo Ruggiero on bass.)

Retro Television Reviews: An Update

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I know I originally said that my Retro Television Reviews would return this week but I’m actually going to need another week, both for my health and also so I can get caught up on some other things that I’ve been putting off taking care of.  So, Retro Television Reviews will return on Monday, June 9th!

Thank you for your patience and understanding!