Marked Man (1997, directed by Marc F. Voizard)


How much keeffe is in this film?

Miles O’Keeffe!  But that’s still not enough.

Not even the presence of Roddy Piper is enough to make Marked Man work.  Piper plays an auto mechanic who kills the drunk driver who ran over his girlfriend.  Piper is sent to prison where he learns how to kickbox because why wouldn’t the authorities teach a prisoner foot-to-foot combat?  After ten years as a model prisoner, he is forced to run for his life after he witnesses a murder committed by two corrupt guards.  Piper jumps over the fence and, after finding a clue while breaking into one of the guard’s house, heads to Albany.  Miles O’Keeffe is the mercenary who is hired by the bad guys to track Piper down.  Piper not only has O’Keeffe after him but also every cop in the northeast.

When a movie has got both Roddy Piper and Miles O’Keeffe in the cast, there’s no excuse for it to be as boring as Marked Man.  Roddy Piper gets to kickbox and show off his wrestling moves but he spends most of the movie hiding in the back of pickup trucks and running away from prison guards.  For some reason, instead of just heading for the border and freedom, Piper sticks around America and tries to prove that the dead prisoner was killed by corrupt guards.  The final confrontation between Piper and O’Keeffe is as anti-climatic as everything else in the movie.  Maybe it would have been more effective if there had been a shared history between Piper’s prisoner and O’Keeffe’s bounty hunter but instead, they confront each other as strangers and their final confrontation feels impersonal.

Considering the cast and the story’s B-movie potential, Marked Man is a definite missed opportunity.

Body Slam (1987, directed by Hal Needham)


Music promoter M. Harry Smilac (Dirk Benedict) used to be a big deal in Los Angeles but lately, his ability to create stars appears to have left him.  He still has his Porsche and his car phone but he is also several thousand dollars in debt and he only has one client, a garage hair band called Kick.  No one wants to book Kick because no one wants to work with a known screw-up like Harry.

Desperate for money, Harry agrees to serve as the entertainment chairman for a stuffy candidate for governor.  It’s while looking for potential acts to headline a fundraiser that Harry meets Quick Rick Roberts (Roddy Piper).  When Harry sees Rick getting ripped off by a promoter, Harry assumes that Rick is a musical act and quickly offers to be Rick’s agent.  It’s only after Rick has agreed that Harry discovers that Rick doesn’t play an instrument and can’t sing a note.  Instead, Rick is a professional wrestler and, by singing him, Harry has now made an enemy of Rick’s former manager, Captain Lou Munaro (played by, you guessed it, Captain Lou Albano).

Now, Harry has to find a way to pay his creditors, make stars out of both Kick and Rick, and win the hand of Candace VanVargen (Tanya Roberts), the daughter of a wealthy political benefactor.  What if there was some way to combine rock and roll with wrestling?

Dirk Benedict, Tanya Roberts, Roddy Pipper, and Captain Lou Albana, all appearing in a movie directed by Hal Needham?  Body Slam is one of the most 80s films ever made.  It’s not really a bad film.  In typical Needham fashion, it’s a loose mix of broad comedy and scenes designed to appeal to teenage boys and their fathers.  There’s a lot wrestling.  There’s a lot of spandex.  The movie opens with Harry ogling a woman in a bikini.  Body Slam knew who its audience would be.  Dirk Benedict gives a surprisingly nimble comedic performance and even Tanya Roberts has some deliberately funny moments.  Roddy Piper is likable as the steady and fair-minded Rick.  There’s nothing subtle about Captain Lou Albano’s performance but what else would you expect from a man wearing that many rubber bands?  As was typical of Needham’s films, some of the director’s friends show up in cameos.  John Astin plays a car salesman.  Charles Nelson Reilly plays a talk show host.  Billy Barty gets into an argument with Captain Lou.  Burt Reynolds is nowhere to be seen.

Unfortunately, not many people got to see Body Slam when it was originally released.  Body Slam was going to be Hal Needham’s big comeback film after the disappointing Megaforce but the film’s producers didn’t care much for the changes that Needham made to their script and they sued to keep the film from being released.  As a result, the film never got a theatrical release and it was instead sent straight to VHS, with very little fanfare.  It has since developed a cult following amongst old school wrestling fans.

Body Slam is a typically amiable Hal Needham film.  It’s nothing special but it’s enjoyable if you’re in the mood for it.

A Movie A Day #41: No Contest (1995, directed by Paul Lynch)


8348-no-contest-0-230-0-345-cropUnder the direction of their leaders, Oz (Andrew “Dice” Cay) and his second-in-command, Ice (Roddy Piper), a diverse group of terrorists have taken the Miss Galaxy contest hostage.  If they don’t receive a ransom of diamonds, they will kill the Miss Galaxy contestants, including the daughter of a powerful senator.  What the terrorists didn’t count on was that the show would be hosted by actress and kick boxer Sharon Bell (Shannon Tweed).  Now, it’s up to Sharon to sneak through a locked-down hotel, killing the terrorists one-by-one.  Her only help comes from a battle-scarred but supportive security officer (Robert Davi) locked outside of the hotel.

No Contest is so much of a rip-off of Die Hard that it almost qualifies as a remake.  (It is probably not a coincidence that Robert Davi appears in both movies.)  Despite being such a blatant rip-off, No Contest is redeemed by the combination of Andrew “Dice” Clay’s Broolyn-accented villainy and a surprisingly convincing performance from Shannon Tweed.  Toss in Roddy Piper and Robert Davi and the end result is one entertaining direct-to-video thriller.

Shannon Tweed’s best film?  No contest.  It’s No Contest.

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Scenes I Love: They Live


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Another childhood hero has passed on undertake the last great journey. Rowdy Roddy Piper might have played the greatest of heels when he was in WWF (now WWE) as I grew up during the 80’s, but he was also a favorite wrestler and character. He seemed genuine in both attitude and charisma where I thought Hulk Hogan was all bluster and fake.

I’m sure I won’t be the only one to miss the Hot Rod. I pay tribute to the Man and the Legend in my own way by sharing one of the best moments of Roddy Piper’s career. It’s the greatest fight scene ever put on celluloid.

Anyone who says differently gets a boot to the face.

Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (Trailer)


Since this weekend has turned into Green Lantern weekend due to the promotional blitz by Warner Brothers to hype up it’s upcoming live-action film of the same title I would be remiss not to include as part of his hype the upcoming animated film from Warner Premiere and DC Animation: Green Lantern: Emerald Knights.

This latest in DC animated films (all of which have been good to great. Not a stinker in them) is an anthology film which takes six stories of the greatest Green Lanterns and links them to the current danger threatening the Guardians (creator of the Green Lantern Corps), the GL Corps and the universe itself.

Before this weekend’s WonderCon footage for the live-action was shown I was more excited for Green Lantern: Emerald Knights than I was for the Ryan Reynolds live-action. It had a great voice cast with Nathan Fillion (fans’ first choice for live-action Hal Jordan) as Hal Jordan with Elisabeth Moss, Jason Isaacs, Kelly Hu, Henry Rollins and Steve Blum rounding out the ensemble cast.

I think with the batting average of the DC Animation being quite high I have high hopes that Green Lantern: Emerald Knights will follow in the footsteps of it’s predecessor and have critical and general success.