A Blast From The Past: Year 1999 A.D. (dir by Lee Madden)


Produced by the Philco-Ford Corporation in 1967, Year 1999 A.D. is an example of one of my favorite genres, a film that attempts to predict what was then the future but which today is the past!  When this film was released, 1999 was 32 years away.  Now, of course, it’s 23 years in the past.

That said, this film does a better version than most when it comes to predicting the future.  It may have been off by a few years, as much of what it shows was only in its beginning stages in 1999 and only came to be commonplace in the 21st Century, but it gets a lot of things right.  We do shop online.  Remote learning has been a reality for a while now.  There are apps that can do everything that’s shown in the film.  Towards the end of this film, even YouTube makes an appearance.  What the film gets wrong is its assumption that everything in the future would still be as bulky and space-consuming as it was in the film’s present.  The movie got a lot right but it came nowhere close to predicting iPhones and laptops.  It predicted email but it didn’t predict Twitter, which is perhaps why everyone in the movie seems to be so happy.

The film has kind of a strange tone at the beginning.  The scenes on the beach feel oddly melancholy and the music that plays as the mother and son leave the beach made me wonder if they were about to stumble over the remains of the Statue of Liberty.  The movie is supposed to be a celebration of the wonderful future that humanity has waiting for itself but that opening music makes it seem as if maybe technology has gone too far.  Have we sacrificed our souls for comfort?

My friend Mark introduced me to this film.  He’s also pretty confident that Soon-Tek Oh appears in the party scene and I think he may be right.  If nothing else, it certainly sounds like he’s one of the guests speaking to the owner of the house.  The singer at the end was apparently Bobby Capo, a Puerto Rican singer who died of a heart attack in 1989.

As far as vision of the future are concerned, Year 1999 A.D. wasn’t that far off.  Director Lee Madden did a lot of industrial films but he’s best-remembered for directing biker films like Hells Angels ’69 and Angels Unchained.  It’s hard not to notice that there aren’t any bikers in his vision of the future.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #222: Banzai Runner (dir by John G. Thomas)


Last night, I watched the 1987 film, Banzai Runner!

Why Was I Watching It?

Last night, it was my turn to host the #MondayActionMovie live tweet!  The loyal members of MAM trusted me to find an exciting, action-filled movie with which they could start their week.  I failed.

What Was It About?

Listen, it’s not totally my fault.  I checked with the IMDb.  I checked Wikipedia.  I read the film’s description on YouTube.  They all said that the film starred Dean Stockwell as a cop who goes undercover to bring down a group of wealthy street racers.

And technically, that is what the film’s about but only at the very end.  Before we get around to any of that fun stuff, the film is basically just Highway Patrolman Billy Baxter (Dean Stockwell) driving around the desert and trying to keep his dumbass nephew, Beck (John Shepard), from getting into trouble.  How big of a dumbass is Beck?  He’s so dumb that he lights up a joint while he’s driving and while his uncle — the policeman — is sitting right next to him.  Needless to say, Billy gets upset about that.  (The scene is amusing if — and only if — you know that Dean Stockwell was one of Hollywood’s most prominent hippies.)

Eventually, Billy and Beck do go undercover to take out Syszek (Billy Drago), a wealthy drug dealer who likes to street race but who also does to much cocaine.  In a coincidence that comes out of nowhere, it turns out that Syszek is responsible for the death of Billy’s brother and Beck’s father.  Neither Billy nor Beck really seem to be too upset about it, though.

What Didn’t Work?
(Usually I like to start with what did work but I’m making an exception here.)

It’s an 84 minute film (not counting the end credits).  It takes 60 minutes for Billy to go undercover.  It takes another 5 minutes or so for Billy to actually meet Syszek.  The only reason that anyone is going be watching this film is because they want to see Dean Stockwell and Billy Drago race against each other but that part of the film doesn’t even kick in until the movie is nearly over!  Instead, we get an hour of Billy aimlessly doing his job and Beck complaining about his uncle being too strict.  It’s very slow and dull.

Dean Stockwell was a good actor who gave some wonderfully eccentric performances in his adult years but he’s miscast as Billy.  John Shepherd played Tommy in Friday the 13th: A New Beginning and I’ve always preferred Shepherd’s interpretation of the character over Thom Matthews’s performance in Jason Lives.  Shepherd had an appealing vulnerability in A New Beginning but none of that is present in Banzai Runners.  It doesn’t help that the script portrays Beck as being a combination of every bad boyfriend I had from the sixth grade through my senior year of high school.

What Worked?

I’m a Southern girl and I’m also enough of a country girl that I do have a weakness for fast cars and the people who drive them.  So, I could appreciate the film on that level.  The car chases were fun, I just wish that there had been more of them.  All of those scenes of Billy worrying about paying his mortgage (and yes, that was a huge subplot during the first hour of the film) should have been edited out and replaced with scenes from The Wraith.  Or maybe just the Shangri-Las singing Leader of the Pack.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

There’s a scene where the rich daughter of one of the racers announce that she’ll remove a piece of clothing for every mile that Beck goes over 55.  On the one hand, it’s a scene that feels like it was lifted from a Crown International cheerleader film.  On the other hand …. well, like I said, I had a weakness for bad boys who drove fast cars.  So, even in this rather bland film, I still found someone to whom I could relate.  Yay!

Lessons Learned

Never assume that a movie is exciting just because of its name.

Scenes I Love: Have a Happy Day With The Brady Bunch


I came across this on YouTube yesterday.  I’m not really a fan of either Happy Days or The Brady Bunch but put them together and you have …. well, you have this performance from The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.

This is somehow so bad that it actually becomes brilliant.  And what a great way to begin the week!  These days are ours!

A few things that I noticed about this video:

Supposedly, of all the Bradys, Robert Reed was the most enthusiastic about doing the Variety Show because he always wanted to be on Broadway and this was his chance to sing and dance.  Unfortunately, Reed had no experience with either singing or dancing and it’s kind of obvious.  But, at the same time, it’s kind of sweet how much he throws himself into it.  Plus, he keeps looking at Florence Henderson for encouragement.  It makes for a nice moment.

Speaking of trying really hard, Barry Williams was apparently told that he would be the star of the show and that it would help him launch his musical career.  It didn’t work, of course.  That said, he and Maureen McCormick always seem to really throw themselves into the song.  They’re trying really hard.  Maybe a little too hard, to be honest.  Fake Jan, on the other hand, could really sing and dance.

Finally, Alice appears to be a little …. off.  Supposedly, Ann B. Davis was pretty much retired and spending all of her time working as a church secretary when she was contacted about the show.  She wasn’t particularly enthused about it but she did it as a favor to “the kids.”  My first reaction, when I saw this video, was to assume that she was drugged up before going on stage but, on second viewing, it just seems like she’s trying to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Happy days indeed, I guess.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/14/22 — 8/20/22


I came home on Monday and I ended up spending most of the week making plans for our annual October horrorthon.  So, I have not watched much.  (Well, I have watched a lot of the Big Brother Live Feeds, I will admit to that.)  Here’s a few thoughts on what little I did watch this week:

The Bachelorette (ABC, Monday Night)

Eh.  Everyone went to Amsterdam and learned about sadomasochism.  Considering that they’re voluntarily on a reality show, it would seem that should be something that they all should already know about.  Logan was kicked off the show because he failed his COVID test.  Gabby not only has better men than Rachel but she also gets to go on more interesting group dates.  It’s just not the same without Meatball.

Better Call Saul (AMC, Monday Night)

Better Call Saul came to a close last night with one of the best finales that I’ve ever seen.  As someone who spent this entire final season convinced that there was no way that Jimmy/Saul/Gene was going to still be alive at the end of the show, I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when it turned out that everyone in prison knew who he was and loved him.  It was a great wrap-up and here’s hoping that Bob Odernkirk finally gets his Saul Emmy.

Big Brother (CBS and Paramount+, All The Time)

Well, so much for the Leftovers!  They were a fun alliance while it lasted but Kyle would rather get laid than actually win the game.  What’s funny is that there’s no way Alyssa is going to be as interested in Kyle once they’re no longer locked in the House together and she actually has other options.  This relationship is going to be almost as short as their sex sessions.  (“I’m not very good at sex,” Kyle told her, after lasting 45 seconds.  KYLE, YOU’RE ON THE LIVE FEEDS, SWEETHEART!  YOUR MOM IS PROBABLY WATCHING!)

Thursday’s episode was two hours long and it turned out to be a disaster.  I’m assuming that they were originally planning on doing a double eviction on Thursday but, for whatever reasons, they changed their minds at the last minute and basically had use every piece of filler they could find to fill out the time slot.  Either way, most Big Brother viewers felt a bit betrayed by production this week.

I’m still writing about the show over at the Big Brother Blog.

The Challenge (CBS, Wednesday Night)

Well, so much for Kyland.  With Kyland’s elimination, that means that all of the former members of the Cookout are not out of the Challenge and Alyssa is the last member standing of the Big Brother 23 cast.  Myself, I’m hoping that Tyson wins.  Why not?  He represents an entertaining era of Survivor that I fear may be over now that the show seems to be determined to be “the nice reality show.”  Go Tyson!

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

On Tuesday, I watched another episode of Inspector Lewis.  YouTube warned me that this episode was “age-restricted,” which was not a warning that I had ever seen on this show before.  Anyway, it turned out that the age-restriction was because Lewis and Hathaway found themselves investigating a series of BSDM-style murders.  It was a bit of a sad episode, to be honest.  Oxford is a dangerous place.

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount+)

Oh, poor Beavis!  He really does deserve a better best friend.  This week’s episode found Beavis actually making a new friend but, unfortunately, the guy turned out to be even more obnoxious (if a bit more articulate) than Butt-Head.  Beavis’s frantic efforts to get away from his new friend were hilarious.  For that matter, I also laughed when Beavis and Butt-Head ended up getting stuck in a giant glue trap that they had set up to try to catch the racoons that were breaking into their kitchen.  How are those two still alive?

A Blast From The Past: Name Unknown (dir by Sid Davis)


In this 1964 short film from Sid Davis, a teenage girl has been arrested.  It turns out that her boyfriend was a bank robber.  Even though she didn’t know that he was a criminal when she got together with him, the theme of this film appears to be that she should have known and, as a result of being foolish, she is now the worst person who ever lived.

In other words, this is a typical Sid Davis production.  Sid Davis films were always the most judgmental of all the old educational films.  Sid Davis specialized in using holier-than-thou narrators, who would often say things like, “And now, you’ve ruined your life.”  In this film, the narrator is a judge who is fond of saying that juveniles are “delinquent in good sense.”  As proof, he tells the story of two lovers who were robbed, a babysitter who was murdered, and another girl who was assaulted by a man who asked her out on a date.  In each case, the judge seems angrier with the victims than with the actual criminals.  As for the case of the unknowing girlfriend of the bank robber, the judge has no choice but to sentence the girl to 3 months of hard time at a juvenile detention center.  It’s for her own good because she was delinquent in good sense.

Sid Davis’s film are still popular today, precisely because they are so bizarrely angry and judgmental.  If Sid thought 1964 was a dark time for society, one can only imagine what he would think of 2022!  Watch Name Unknown below and ask yourself, “In this crazy world of ours, is there room for forgiveness?”

The TSL’s Grindhouse: Steele Justice (dir by Robert Boris)


“You don’t recruit him!  You unleash him!”

That’s what they say about John Steele, the man who Martin Kove plays in 1987’s Steele Justice.  John Steele served in Vietnam and he was one of the best and most fearless members of the special forces.  On the final day of the war, he was on the verge of arresting the corrupt General Kwan (Soon-Tek Oh) until Kwan suddenly announced that the war was over and the Americans were leaving.  Steele laughed, shrugged, and turned his back on Kwan and started to walk away.  Was Steele planning on just walking back to America?  Well, regardless, Kwan shot Steele and his friend in the back.  Fortunately, Steele survived.  Steele may be stupid but he’s strong.

Years later, both Steele and Kwan are now living in California.  Kwan is a prominent businessman who is also the secret leader of the Vietnamese mafia.  Naturally, his main henchman is played by Al Leong.  If Al Leong’s not working for you, are you even evil?  John Steele has not been quite as successful.  He was a cop until he got kicked off the force.  Then he got a job transporting horses across California.  Despite his cool guy name, John Steele doesn’t seem to be that good at anything that doesn’t involve killing people.

But then Kwan murders Steele’s best friend and former partner, Lee (Robert Kim).  In fact, Kawn not only murders Lee but he also kills Lee’s entire family.  The only survivor is Lee’s daughter, Cami (Jan Gan Boyd), a piano prodigy who is supposed to be 14 years old even though she’s being played by someone who is in her 20s.  Steele and Lee’s former boss, Bennett (Ronny Cox), gives Steele permission to track down the people responsible for Lee’s death.

John Steele sets out to destroy Kwan.  The film gives us a lot of reasons to be on Steele’s side but it’s hard not to notice that a lot of innocent people end up getting killed as a result of Steele’s vendetta.  Any time that Steele goes anywhere, Kwan’s people attack and a bunch of innocent bystanders get caught in the crossfire.  For example, Steele’s ex, Tracy (Sela Ward), agrees to look after Cami.  It turns out that Tracy is a music video director and, of course, she takes Cami to work with her.  The video shoot turns into a bloodbath, with even the members of the band getting gunned down.  And yet, not even Tracy seems to be particularly disturbed by that.  One might think that Tracy would at least sarcastically say something like, “Hey, John, thanks for getting the band killed before I got paid,” but no.  Tracy just kind of laughs it all off.  At no point does Steele or Bennett or really anyone seem to feel bad about all of the people who get killed as a result of the decision to unleash John Steele.  Those people had hopes and dreams too, you know.

I really like Martin Kove on Cobra Kai.  I love how his portrayal of the over-the-hill and burned-out John Kreese manages to be both intimidating and pathetic at the same time.  I’ve also seen a number of interviews with Kove, in which he’s discussed his career as an exploitation mainstay and he always comes across as being well-spoken and intelligent.  That said, Martin Kove appears to be totally lost in Steele Justice, unsure if he should be playing John Steele as a grim-faced avenger or as a quick-with-a-quip action hero.  Whenever Steele is angry, Kove looks like he’s on the verge of tears.  Whenever Steele makes a joke, Kove smiles like an overage frat boy who, while cleaning out his old storage unit, has just discovered his long lost copy of Bumfights.  It’s a confused performance but, to be honest, no one really comes out of Steele Justice looking good.  This is a film that features a lot of talented actors looking completely and totally clueless as to why they’re there.

On the plus side, Steele Justice did give this world this totally intimidating shot of Martin Kove, preparing to be get and give justice.  Recruit him?  No, just unleash him!

Film Review: In The Line of Fire (dir by Wolfgang Petersen)


Earlier today, it was announced that director Wolfgang Petersen had passed away.  He was 81 years old and had been suffering from pancreatic cancer.  Though Petersen started his career making films in his native Germany (and his 1981 film, Das Boot, remains the most Oscar-nominated German film of all time), Petersen eventually relocated to Los Angeles and established himself as a very successful director of thrillers and star-filled action films.

Last month, I watched one of Petersen’s films.  First released in 1993, In The Line of Fire stars Clint Eastwood as Frank Horrigan.  Frank is a veteran member of the Secret Service, still serving at a time when almost all of his colleagues have either retired or died.  When we first meet Frank, he and his new partner, Al (Dylan McDermott), are arresting a gang of counterfeiters and Frank (and the then 63 year-old Eastwood) is proving that he can still take down the bad guys.

But is Frank still up to protecting the President?  Of the agents that were with President Kennedy when he was assassinated in 1963, Frank Horrigan is the last one standing.  He’s the only active secret service agent to have lost a president and he’s haunted by what he sees as being his failure to do his job and the feeling that America has never recovered from Kennedy’s death.  Also obsessed with Frank’s history is a mysterious man who calls himself Booth.  Booth (played by John Malkovich, who received an Oscar nomination for his performance) starts to call Frank.  He informs Frank that he’s planning on assassinating the president, who is currently traveling the country as a part of his reelection bid.  Booth views Frank as being a worthy adversary and Frank, looking for redemption, requests to be returned to the Presidential Protective Division.

While Frank struggles to keep up with both the President and the younger agents, Booth slowly and methodically puts his plan in motion.  He builds his own wooden gun and tries it out on two hunters who are unfortunate enough to stumble across him.  Making a heart-breaking impression in a small role, Patrika Darbo plays the bank teller who, unfortunately, comes a bit too close to uncovering Booth’s secret identity.  Booth is friendly and sometimes apologetic and he quickly shows that he’s willing to kill anyone.  It’s a testament to both the skill of Malkovich’s performance and Petersen’s direction that the audience comes to believe that there’s a better than average chance that Booth will succeed.  He just seems to have such a strong belief in himself that the audience knows that he’s either going to kill the President or that he’s going to willingly die trying.

Meanwhile, no one believes in Frank.  The White House Chief of Staff (Fred Dalton Thompson, later to serve in the Senate and run for President himself) views Frank as being a nuisance.  The head of the detail (Gary Cole) thinks that Frank should be put out to pasture.  Only Lilly Raines (Rene Russo), another agent, seems to have much faith in Frank.  While Frank is hunting Booth, he falls in love with Lilly and she with him.  (Fortunately, even at the age of 63, Eastwood still had enough of his old Dirty Harry charisma that the film’s love story is credible, despite the age difference between him and Russo.)  The hunt for Booth reawakens something in Frank.  Just as Booth has a psychological need to be pursued and challenged, Frank needs an enemy to which he can re-direct all of his guilt and self-loathing.  Frank becomes a stand-in for everyone who fears that, because of one particular incident or tragedy, America will never regain the strength and promise that it once had.  (In Frank’s case, that strength is symbolized by his idealized memories of JFK.)  Defeating Booth is about more than just saving America.  It’s about redeeming history.

It all makes for an very exciting thriller, one in which Eastwood’s taciturn style of acting is perfectly matched with Malkovich’s more cerebral approach.  Just as the two characters are challenging each other, Eastwood and Malkovich also seem to challenge each other as actors and it leads to both men giving wonderful performances.  Wolfgang Petersen not only does a good job with the action scenes but also with generating some very real suspense.  The scene in which Malkovich attempts to assemble his gun under a table is a masterclass in directing and evidence that Petersen had not only watched Hitchcock’s films but learned from them as well.

As directed by Petersen and performed by Malkovich and Eastwood, In The Line of Fire emerges as a film that was more than just an exciting thriller.  It was also a mediation on aging, guilt, love, redemption, and the national traumas of the past.  It’s a film that stands up to multiple rewatches and as a testament to the talent of the man who directed it.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/7/22 — 8/13/22


Being up at the lake this week, I haven’t watched a lot but here’s a few thoughts nonetheless.

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Allo Allo was a bit weird this week and I think it’s because Sunday’s episode was the first episode of the show’s final season.  Watching it, it was pretty obvious that the show’s writers and directors had run out of new ways to hide the painting and, for the first time, the show felt like it was kind of going through the motions.  Apparently, the show’s star, Gorden Kaye, was in a very serious car accident before the 9th series was filmed and, when the episode started with Rene’s traditional recap, I couldn’t help but notice the very prominent scar on his forehead.

As for the episode, everyone in Nouvion knows that the Allies will be invading at any minute.  The Resistance is awaiting liberation.  The Germans are making plans to flee.  (And, because Richard Gibson declined to return to the role, Herr Flick has had plastic surgery.)  Officer Crabtree still cannot speak French.  And Rene has been abducted by the communist resistance.

The Bachelorette (Monday Night, ABC)

The dates in Bruges were wonderfully romantic and I loved the fireworks display that ended Aven and Rachel’s date.  But then it was time for the Rose Ceremony and …. Boooooo!  Meatball did not get a rose.  I’m over this season.

Better Call Saul (Monday Night, AMC)

This week, Bob Odenkirk and Carol Burnett proved themselves to be dramatic powerhouses.  With Kim telling Jimmy to turn himself in and Howard’s wife now having the true details of Howard’s downfall, it’s slightly frightening to think of where this is all going to end up leading.  There’s only one episode left and I’ve pretty much given up on Jimmy/Saul/Gene getting a happy ending out of this.

Big Brother (All Week, CBS and Paramount+)

Seeing Daniel, one of the most annoying houseguests in the history of the show, get voted out really made my week.  For those of us who are still angry over the way the show catered to bullies like Paul during season 19 and Jackson during season 21, this latest season of Big Brother has been cathartic.  I’ve actually been enjoying writing about it over at the Big Brother Blog.

The Challenge (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Derek X. became the latest cast member of Big Brother 23 to get eliminated from the show.  For all the talk about how strong the cast of Big Brother 23 was, they kind of suck at The Challenge.

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

The first episode featured Michelle graduating from preschool.  Jesse took it upon himself to turn Michelle and her classmates into a band called …. I am not kidding — Jesse’s Little Rippers.  They performed a horrific rendition of Twist and Shout.  Could no one tell Jesse that not everything was about him and his lameass band?  The second episode featured Aunt Becky discovering she was pregnant and worrying that this might make it difficult for Jesse to go on tour with the Rippers and …. well, I’m not going to repeat myself.  Seriously, everyone deserved better.

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

A gossip website led to multiple murders in Oxford.  Lewis was stunned to discover the Internet could be such a dangerous place.  Hathaway towered over everyone else on the show.

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butthead (Paramount Plus)

Beavis and Butthead nearly died twice in the latest episode of their show.  First, they got trapped on a roof.  Then they got trapped on a piece of wood that sailed out to sea.  Actually, they were still stranded when the show ended so they might be dead now.  That’d be a shame.  They really don’t seem to mean as much harm as they cause.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Granville painted something silly on the window of the shop so Arkwright beat him up in the stockroom.  Then the milk delivery came by and Nurse Gladys Emmanuel pulled up in a hearse or something.  I don’t know, it was a weird episode.

Book Review: Stud Service by John D. Revere


In 1985, Justin Perry’s fifth and final adventure was published.  In Stud Service, the CIA’s most deadly and sex-obsessed assassin discovers that his whole life has been manipulated to lead to one moment, the moment when he will be sacrificed to Halley’s Comet.  Before the sacrifice, of course, his sperm will be preserved by a secret cult that will use it to create hundreds of genetically perfect warriors who will conquer the Earth and rule it for the next 50,000 years….

Okay, I’m sensing that some of you think I’m making this up.  I’m not.  That is the plot of the final Assassin novel.  Justin Perry discovers that SADIF is a front for a cult that worships Halley’s Comet and that his sperm is the key to their plan to rule the world.  Actually, there’s several cults.  It turns out that there’s many different divisions within the Halley Society and one of them is run the Old Man, who was Justin’s mysterious handler at the CIA.  As the Old Man explains it, he just wanted to serve his country and make the world a better place.  But he also has a brain tumor that is driving him mad.

It’s actually kind of an interesting wrap-up for the series.  If nothing else, it actually explains why, over the course of the previous four books, people from Justin’s past kept randomly popping up and turning out to be SADIF agents.  Since birth, Justin has been cultivated and developed to be a potential sacrifice to the comet.  Even the Old Man and his sister were involved in it.  Everything over the past four books has been about developing Justin into a heartless killing machine and, significantly, this book features Justin realizing that he no longer “enjoys” killing as much as he once did.  He’s rediscovered his humanity and that humanity allows him to survive, even when he has hundreds of Halley cultists trying to masturbate him to death.

That said, even though the book nicely wraps up the weirdness of the series, it’s still a bit of mess.  Trying to keep straight who works for each faction of the Halley Society requires taking notes, which is more activity than Justin Perry really deserves and this is one of those action novels where there’s considerably more exposition than action.  It’s safe to skim over the final fourth of the book because nothing really happens until the final page or so.  Somehow, the book manages to be extremely sordid and rather dull at the same time.

This was the final Justin Perry story.  He saved the world a lot.  Interestingly, it does appear that the author meant for this to be the final novel.  This wasn’t a case of the publisher saying, “We’re not wasting any more money on this series.”  Instead, all four of the previous book lead to this fifth one and it ends on a definite note of conclusion.  One gets the feeling that the author felt that he had said everything that he needed to say.  Of course, it’s impossible to guess what exactly it was that he was trying to say.  I personally suspect the whole thing was meant to be an elaborate joke on the people who regularly read novels about violent spies and never once considered that their literary heroes were actually deeply damaged sociopaths.  If so, bravo.