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Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/6/23 — 8/12/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Big Brother (24/7, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I wrote about Big Brother here!

The Challenge USA (Thursday Night, CBS)

The latest season of this reality show premiered this week.  I kind of watched it but, to be honest, I got bored and tuned out after 20 minutes or so.  As far as I can tell, The Challenge mostly seems to exist to give work to former reality show contestants who don’t want to return to their former lives.

City Guys (YouTube)

I wrote about City Guys here!

Claim to Fame (Monday Night, ABC)

The remaining contestants finally figured out that Hugo was Jimmy Carter’s grandson and they sent him packing.  I’m enjoying this show, though I’m still annoyed all of my favorites have been eliminated.  That said, Hugo wasn’t one of my favorites so this week was a good one.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

Despite being opposed to Dr. Phil on general principle, I did have the show on for background noise while I was getting some work done on Tuesday.  The first episode featured an out-of-control teen who got sent to rehab.  Phil said that the parents were ultimately to blame and, for once, I agreed because her parents really were the worst!  The 2nd episode featured a man who somehow thought it would be okay to live with both his wife and his mistress in the same house.  Dr. Phil explained why this arrangement probably would not work.  The 3rd episode featured a woman who hired a nanny off of Craig’s List and who was shocked when the Nanny turned out to be a bit shady.  The fourth episode featured a former beauty pageant contestant who was now an out-of-control teen.  Dr. Phil sent her to a mental health facility, which led to a lot of tears.  It was awkward.  I’m not sure I agree with Dr. Phil’s solution.  I think it was more about making the audience happy than helping the child.  Finally, for the fifth episode, I watched an episode about two sisters who claimed they would never accept their new stepmother.  The family was a complete mess.  I felt bad for the stepmother.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here.

Saved By The Bell (MeTV)

On Sunday morning, I watched three full hours of Saved By The Bell.  Zack started dating Kristy, the new wrestler.  But then, in the next episode, he was suddenly trying to date Slater’s ex-girlfriend from Germany, showing that Zack definitely had commitment issues.  Zack then had an operation on his knee and returned to school in time to convince everyone to not allow oil drilling on Bayside’s property.  (Poor Becky!)  Then, it was time to rig a chess tournament and head to the mall so that he and his friends could buy tickets to (snicker) the U2 concert.  The common factor in all of these episodes was everyone putting way too much faith in Screech.

Solid Gold (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this old 80s music show on Sunday night.  The episode I watched was from 1982 and it featured some good music and a lot of dancing so I enjoyed it.

Stars on Mars (Monday Night, Fox)

The Lance Armstrong redemption has come to an end as Armstrong left “Mars” this week.

T. and T. (Tubi)

I wrote about T. and T. here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

In the special one-hour Christmas special, Jim Hacker became Prime Minister!  While it’s true that he became PM because everyone was impressed by the fact that he had no strongly held beliefs, it was still hard not to be happy for him.  I love this show.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 1.20 “The Telethon” and 1.21 “Kotter Makes Good”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

It’s exam time!

Episode 1.20 “The Telethon”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 12th, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie about the time he went to visit “my uncle, Mo Kotter, in the hospital.”  Uncle Mo was in an oxygen tent.  Gabe accidentally stepped on his air hose.  Uh-oh!

At school, Gabe shows up for class and immediately makes the Sweathogs groan by announcing that it’s time to take a test.  He passes out the test papers and Freddie announces that this is a test that he can pass.  Yay!  I’ve always felt that Freddie was actually one of the smarter Sweathogs and I’m glad to see that he is finally making an effort to excel academically and …. oh wait.  Freddie is just pointing out that the test papers are blank because the school’s Xerox machine has broken down.

Yes, the school desperately needs money.  But how can the Sweathogs raise money for their much-needed supplies?  Barbarino volunteers to sell kisses.  Freddie suggests stealing hubcaps.  Horshack starts shouting, “Let’s put on a show!”  Gabe argues that no television station — not even public access channel 52.4 — would agree to air a Sweathog telethon.  However, Mr. Woodman stops by the classroom to gloat about how, due to budget cuts, the remedial Sweathog class is going to have to be cut, unless the Sweathogs can come up with $700.  Realizing the seriousness of the situation, Gabe and the Sweathogs invite the president of channel 52.4 to the school so that he can see the Sweathogs perform Me and My Shadow.  Needless to say, the Sweathogs get their telethon!  Will they be able to raise $700?

(Seriously, no one had an extra $700 lying around?)

The telethon is broadcast live from Gabe’s classroom and even Mr. Woodman shows up in a tux.  “I sing!” he explains.  Once the show goes live, Gabe (of all people) freezes up on camera so Julie has to grab the microphone from him and explain the purpose of the telethon.  Julie proceeds to sing a deliberately off-key version of Let Me Entertain You.  Juan Epstein sings a version of “Day-O” while playing the bongo drums.  Freddie sings a song and turns out to be just as off-key as Julie.  Gabe and Horshack do a somewhat disturbing routine where Gabe pretends to be a ventriloquist and Horshack pretends to be the dummy.  Barbarino sings his “Ba-Ba-Barbarino song.”  And I have to admit that I actually laughed at all this.  I’ve seen a lot of “let’s put on a show” episodes from the 70s and this is one of the first where the point is that no one is as talented as they originally claimed.  It’s a fun little twist.

As the telethon comes to an end, Gabe realizes that they still need to raise $22 to make their goal.  (Can’t Gabe just donate $22 from his next paycheck?)  Anyway, Gabe’s mom calls and offers to donate $22 if Gabe sings some silly song from his childhood.  Gabe sings something about apple pie and — yay!  The Sweathogs are saved.  Woodman sings My Way as the telethon comes to a close.

Back the apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his Uncle Ben.  “Did he make rice?” Julie replies. Gabe explains that Ben didn’t make rice but that he was schizophrenic.

Anyway, the important thing is that the Sweathogs raised $700 without having to contribute any money themselves.  New York City really is a generous city.

Episode 1.21 “Kotter Makes Good”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 19th, 1976)

Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about the time that his cousin Brucie didn’t want to go to school because all the student made fun of him.  Aunt Elsie told Brucie that he had to go to school because, “You’re 37 and you’re the principal.”

At school, the Sweathogs are worried about exam week.  Horshack makes out his last will and testament because his father is going to kill him when he sees his grades.  (Yikes!)  Epstein has a note from “Epstein’s mother,” requesting that he be excused from exams because he’ll be attending the Ecumenical Council in Rome.  Gabe attempts to encourage the Sweathogs to just study and take the tests but he is interrupted by Mr. Woodman, who drops by to announce that Gabe never took his senior exams.  Horshack says that Gabe should just take the upcoming exams with the Sweathogs.

Back at the apartment, Gabe searches for his old school records while Julie tells him that he needs to study.  Suddenly, the Sweathogs show up to help Gabe study.  Epstein brings the blackboard from school.  (“It just fell off the wall,” Epstein says.)  Horshack shows up dressed like Mr. Kotter and asking Julie if she wants to hear a joke about his uncle.  Though it takes a while, especially with Gabe deciding to show the Sweathogs what its like to teach them (“Hi there,” Gabe repeatedly says to Freddie), Gabe eventually realizes how much his students care about him and he decides to study with them.

At the school, a chagrined and twitching Woodman tells Gabe that he made a mistake and Gabe actually did take his senior exams while a student at Buchanan High.  Gabe, however, takes the makeup exams anyways.  He passes every exam, though he does come very close to failing his Algebra test.  The Sweathogs celebrate by singing a version of the Mickey Mouse Club song.

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his Aunt Selma, who was a lousy driver and parked her car in the kitchen.  This is followed by a second joke, in which Gabe tells Julie about two brothers who always went fishing.  The jokes probably would have been funnier if Gabe had been able to tell them without Julie interrupting him every few minutes.  This was one of those episodes were you could really see that there was some truth behind the stories of Marcia Strassman hating her time on the show.

This was one of those episodes that worked primarily due to the chemistry between the members of the cast.  Horshack’s Kotter impersonation was surprisingly effective and John Sylvester White’s unhinged performance as Woodman was, once again, a highlight of the episode.

Next week: Barbarino becomes a priest and the first season ends!

Retro Television Reviews: T. and T. 1.1 “Extortion in Chinatown” and 1.2 “Mug Shot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

Now that we’ve finished up The Master, it’s time to review a new show on Fridays.  After much thought, I’ve decided to go with a Canadian show called T. and T., which featured Rocky III‘s Mr. T as an ex-con turned private investigator who worked for a crusading lawyer named Amy Thaler (Alex Amini).  Why did he work for Amy?  Let’s let the opening credits explain things:

The show was also produced in Canada for their Global Television Network but it aired in syndication in the United States and, despite the fact that it was technically a drama, each episode was only 30 minutes long.  So, feel free to think of T. and T. as being a part of the Degrassi Cinematic Universe.

Episode 1.1 “Extortion in Chinatown”

(Directed by Doug Williams, originally aired on January 11th, 1988)

“In this episode, an extortion ring turns up the heat in Chinatown.  It’s up to Amy and me to put out the fire!”

So begins the first episode of T and T, with Mr. T gruffly telling us what’s going to happen in the episode that we’re about to see.  This is followed by the opening credits, in which we get the backstory about how T.S. Turner (Mr. T) was thrown in prison for a crime he didn’t commit and how Amy Taler (Alex Amini) got him released so that he could work for her as a private investigator.  It’s a good thing that the opening credits tell us all that because the episode itself doesn’t provide any sort of backstory for T.S. or Amy.  If you were a viewer who missed the opening credits, you would have no idea why T.S. and Amy were working together.  To be honest, I’m a bit confused by the conditions of T.S.’s release.  It sounds like he was released specifically so he could work with Amy.  So, if Amy fires him, does that mean T.S. goes back to jail?

While leaving court, T.S. and Amy are approached by their teenage friend, Renee (Rachael Crawford), who introduces them to her friend, Kin Ling (Wayne Lam).  Kin explains that his father, Ho Ling (Harvey Chao), owns a grocery store in the city’s Asian district but that he is being extorted by a gangster named Quang (Leonard Chow).  Unfortunately, the Lings are undocumented and fearful of going to the authorities.  While Amy tries to make a deal with the prosecutor’s office to keep the Lings from being deported, T.S. confronts Quang at his health club.  T.S. tells Quang to back off so Quang sends his thugs down to a gym owned by T.S.’s friend, Decker (David Nerman).  When T.S. sees that Decker has been beaten up, he decides to confront Quang at his office.

“A couple of your boys took their chopsticks to a friend of mine, didn’t do his health no good!” T.S. explains to Quang.  Quang throws a ninja star at T.S., which causes T.S. to pass out.  Quang’s men stuff T.S. in the trunk of their car and drive out to a river so that they can dump his body.  However, it turns out that T.S. has woken up in the trunk and, as soon as they stop the car, T.S. bursts out of the trunk and tosses Quang’s men into river.

“I can’t swim!” one of them shouts.

“Then surf!” T.S. snaps back.

T.S. returns to Ling’s shop, just in time to capture Quang and to save the shop from being blown up.  (It’s a good thing he did, since both Amy and Ho Ling were tied up in the shop.)

“Mr. Quang,” T.S. says, “Don’t you know what is taken by force is lost by force?  So, take a long look around you because it’s going to be a long time before you see this place again!”

Later, at the courthouse, Amy informs Ho Ling that he was now have “official status” in Canada.  “Welcome aboard, brother,” T.S. adds.

This was an odd first episode.  You would expect the show to start with Amy getting T.S. out of jail and maybe some sort of explanation about how T.S. is now going to work as her private investigator.  Instead, as the show opens, it appears that Amy and T.S. have been partners for a while and there’s very little said about either one’s backstory.  As an introduction to the characters, the show failed but perhaps the backstory doesn’t matter when the star of the show is a performer like Mr. T.  As for show’s actual plot, it was a bit predictable and Quang was not exactly an intimidating villain but, with only a 30-minute running time, at least the action moved quickly.

Episode 1.2 “Mug Shot”

(Directed by George Mihalka, originally aired on January 25th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T informs us, “an innocent picture turns into a deadly situation as Amy and I get a lesson in photography.”

Sounds like fun!

“He sings pretty good but he just don’t rap!  And rappin’ is where it’s at!  Can you dig it?” is what Mr. T has to say when Amy asks him if he’s ever heard of a singer named Adam Dalton (Mark Holmes).  Dalton’s manager, Sam Roman (Rex Hagon), is suing Amy’s newest client, photographer Kate Richardson (Marnie McPhail).  Roman is suing for two million dollars because he wants possession of some pictures that Kate took of Dalton.  Kate is insulted that Roman is only willing to pay $5,000 for them.

Amy and Turner investigate why Roman is so determined to get those pictures and it turns out that is has nothing to do with Adam Dalton.  In fact, Dalton turns out to be a nice guy who takes Amy out to dinner and then insists on helping T.S. solve the case.  Instead, it turns out Kate took some pictures of the owner of a trucking company mere moments before he was murdered by a bunch of union goons.  Evil union boss Gallagher (Terry Harford) is pressuring Roman to get the pictures.  Take that, North American labor movement!

It may seem like a big case but, due to the show’s 30 minute run time, it’s resolved quickly.  Gallagher tries to attack Kate and Amy at Kate’s studio.  T.S. grabs him and tosses him through a door in slow motion.  Kate is so grateful that she gives T.S. a camera and Adam and Amy go to lunch.  Awwww!

This episode opened with a really fun scene in which Adam filmed a music video while surrounded by dancers who were holding plastic tommy guns.  And I actually enjoyed the scenes of the gruff T.S. Turner having to deal with the perpetually enthusiastic Adam.  That said, this is an episode that really would have benefitted from an extra 30 minutes.  The mystery was kind of intriguing but the resolution ultimately felt a bit too rushed.

Next week, T.S. confronts the man who framed him!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.21 “Anchors Aweigh” and 5.22 “Video Killed The Radio Star”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Ms. Noble is finally retiring!

Episode 5.21 “Anchors Aweigh”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

Here’s this episode’s plot description, via Wikipedia:

The time for Ms. Noble’s retirement and the gang’s graduation is drawing near and everybody is excited, except for Dawn. Witnessing the preparation for next year and the new changes being made at the school makes Dawn uneasy. She begins to become anxious about moving on from Manny High and the thought of being apart from her friends when they all go their separate ways in the fall.

Ms. Noble’s retiring?  It’s about damn time!  I mean, I understand that Ms. Noble didn’t have much of a life outside of telling people who to do but still, it seems like it would get boring after a while.  Then again, maybe she was just retiring so she could follow the Chris and Jamal to college and continue to yell at them for not devoting more time to church and charity.  As for Dawn’s feelings, I can relate.  I felt the same way when I graduated high school.

Unfortunately, there are many season 5 episodes that are not available to stream and this is one of them.  So, this is as good a review as this episode is going to get.  Let’s move on to an episode that actually be reviewed.

Episode 5.22 “Video Killed The Radio Star”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

No, your eyes are not deceiving you!  Because Ms. Noble is retiring, the graduating class of Manny High decided to pool their money and put a cheap-looking bust of her in front of the school.  Ms. Noble is certainly excited but seriously, in what world would this happen?  Graduation is coming up.  People are making plans to either go to college or get a job.  Everyone should be moving on from high school and instead, the students are spending their money on a statue of their principal?  Who, in the world, loves their principal this much!?

Now, it should be noted that someone does immediately starts vandalizing the statue, which is perhaps the most realistic thing that has ever happened on City Guys.  At first, the statue is covered in clown make up.  Then someone puts an Abraham Lincoln beard on it.  Finally, Ms. Noble spends the night in the courtyard, pretends to be her own statue, and discovers that Al and L-Train are behind the vandalism because, of course, they are.  It’s not like there’s any other students at the school.

As dumb as the whole statue subplot is, it’s nowhere near as bad as this episode’s A-plot.  Ms. Noble tells Chris and Jamal that there is an opening to produce a television show for Manny High.  (Manny High has a television studio?)  Chris and Jamal both say that they don’t need to be on TV as long as they have their radio show.  Instead, Dawn, Cassidy, Al, and L-Train end up producing an abomination called Muffy The Werewolf Slapper.

Yes, Muffy is meant to be a parody of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  And yes, everyone at Manny High loves it even though it’s not that funny.  (Dawn and Cassidy plays cheerleaders who love Freddie Prinze, Jr. and fighting werewolves.  L-Train and Al are the werewolves who just want to date Dawn and Cassidy.)  Unfortunately, since Muffy airs at the same time as Chris and Jamal’s radio show, Chris and Jamal lose all of their listeners.  (I’ve always been stunned at the idea of anyone setting their schedule around Chris and Jamal’s tired radio schtick.)  Feeling jealous, Chris and Jamal sabotage the recording of an episode of Muffy.  Feeling guilty, they confess on the radio and then appear on the next episode of Muffy, playing two cheerleaders who try to steal Al and L-Train away from the werewolf slappers.

It was dumb.  The whole thing was just mind-numbingly dumb.  Watching these final episodes of City Guys, one gets the idea that everyone involved in the show mentally checked out long before shooting their final episode.

Speaking of final episodes, it’s only two weeks away!  Finally, some good news.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.27 “Third Wheel/Grandmother’s Day/Second String Mom”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the second season of The Love Boat comes to a close.

Episode 2.27 “Third Wheel/Grandmother’s Day/Second String Mom”

(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on May 12th, 1979)

 It’s time for a special Mother’s Day cruise!

Gopher is excited because his mother, Roz (Ethel Merman), and his father, Eliot (an unwell-looking Robert Cummings), will be on the ship.  As quickly becomes clear, Gopher takes after his mother.  Like her son, Roz is impulsive, loves show business, and has issues with recognizing boundaries.  As soon as she boards the boat, she and Gopher are singing songs and imitating the Marx brothers.  Eliot, on the other hand, is quiet and reserved.  Interesting enough, Eliot has quite a bit in common with Captain Stubing.  Seeing Eliot and Stubing interact, the viewer suddenly understands why Gopher is always looking for the Captain’s approval.  Gopher and Eliot have a distant relationship and Gopher now sees Stubing as being more of a father figure to him than his own father.  Awwwww, how sad!

What’s even more sad is that it is easy to see that Eliot would like to be closer to his son.  He just doesn’t know how to go about it and he knows that he can’t compete with Roz’s carefree personality.  When Gopher and Roz agree to perform a number at a special Mother’s Day variety show, Eliot becomes jealous.  He claims that he’s worried that Roz is somehow going to embarrass Gopher in front of his co-workers but it’s obvious that Eliot is the one who is embarrassed by his lack of a relationship with his son.  It all works out in the end, of course and Gopher becomes closer to both of his parents.

Meanwhile, Mac O’Brian (Barry Nelson, best-known for being the first actor to play James Bond and for playing Mr. Ullman in Kubrick’s The Shining) is looking forward to a life of retirement.  Except, his wife, Maggie (Nanette Fabray), keeps having dizzy spells.  Doc examines her and announces that, despite the fact that she’s nearly 60, Maggie’s pregnant!  Maggie worries about how tell her husband, who has made it clear that he feels that he’s earned a rest from worrying about children.  At first, Mac doesn’t take the news well but never fear.  Things work out in the end because it’s The Love Boat!

Finally, Mary Noble (Michele Tobin) and her sister, Judy Noble (Shelly Juttner), are on their cruise with their father (Ken Berry) and his new wife (Beth Howland).  At first, they go out of their way to be rude to their new stepmother but eventually, they realize how happy she makes their father and they come to accept her.  Once again, everyone gets a happy ending on The Love Boat.

Despite the fact that it featured Gopher’s parents and offered up some insight into what made one of the show’s main characters tick, this episode of The Love Boat was pretty forgettable.  The success or failure of a show like this all comes down to chemistry and none of the guest stars on this particular episode seemed to have any.  Robert Cummings, in particular, looked absolutely miserable throughout the entire cruise while Barry Nelson and Nanette Fabray seemed more like strangers having a random hook-up than a longtime married couple.  I did like the storyline about the stepparent but that’s just because I could relate to the two sisters because I know me and my sisters had a tendency to get a bit bratty whenever we felt anyone was trying to take our mom away from us.  But, in the end, even this storyline felt like something The Love Boat had done better in the past.

Sadly, the second season of The Love Boat came to end with not a bang but a whimper.  Next week, we start season 3!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.9 “The Dancer/Nobody’s There”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

The past two weeks of Fantasy Island saw Mr. Roarke getting married (and losing his wife) and Tattoo getting his heart broken.  Will this week’s episode be just as dramatic?  Read on to find out!

Episode 3.9 “The Dancer/Nobody’s There”

(Dir by Gene Nelson, originally aired on November 17th, 1979)

For the third week in a row, this episode of Fantasy Island features Mr. Roarke and Tattoo heading straight to the docks so that they can meet their guests without making any time for any Roarke/Tattoo banter.  On the one hand, the scenes where Tattoo would tell Roarke about his latest scheme were always a bit awkward because of the obvious bad feelings between Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize.  On the other hand, they did reveal that Tattoo had a life outside of just following around Mr. Roarke.  I will be a little bit sad if they’re gone forever.

As for this week’s fantasies, neither one adds up too much.

Big Jake Farley (Max Baer, Jr.) is a big, strapping cowboy who will tell anyone who will listen that he’s from “Big D.”  (“It’s a mite south of Heaven.”)  I’m from Big D too and I will admit that I’m a bit sensitive when it comes to the whole “All Texans are cowboys” stereotype so I pretty much spent this entire fantasy in cringe mode.  Big Jake wants to meet Valeska de Marco (Carol Lynley), the ballerina whose hard work and perfectionism inspired him when he was just a penniless cowpoke.  Now that Big Jake is a wealthy rancher and oilman, he wants to marry Valeska and take her back to the ranch.  Unfortunately, Valeska is already engaged to Stuffy Q. Borington III (Howard Morton).  When Valeska suffers a career ending injury, will Big Jake be able to convince her to come open an acting school in Big D and will Mr. Roarke help everyone’s fantasy come true?

You already know the answer.  Everyone gets a happy ending on Fantasy Island, except for that time Mr. Roarke got married.

Eh.  Considering that this fantasy combined several of my favorite things — ballet, Texas, tropical islands — it’s a bit of a shock just how boring it turned out to be.  The main problem was that there was zero chemistry between Baer and Lynley.  Both of them came across as if they would rather be anywhere but on Fantasy Island.

As for the other fantasy, it featured Toni Tennille as Betty Foster, a former fast food worker turned private investigator.  Her fantasy was to solve a big case.  With Roarke’s help, Betty was hired by Contessa Christina Kastronova (Stepfanie Kramer) to accompany the Contessa to the reading her cousin’s will.  The Contessa felt her cousin had been murdered and she feared she might be next.  Betty pretended to be the Contessa during both the reading of the will and the subsequent night spent in a scary, dark house with all of the Contessa’s relatives.  Anyway, Dick Sargent turned out to be the murderer and Betty realized that she’d rather marry one of the Contessa’s relatives than continue on as a private eye.

As far as this fantasy went, I liked the scary house and I found the scene where Roarke and Tattoo debated which one of them should stay behind with Betty to be amusing.  (Tattoo, of course, ended up having to stay.)  But the mystery didn’t add up too much.  To be honest, as soon as Dick Sargent showed up, I knew he was going to be the bad guy.  I mean, I’ve seen Clonus.

Especially when compared to the previous two episodes, this episode was fairly forgettable.  Everyone got their fantasy but no one made much of an impression.

Film Review: John Wick: Chapter Four (dir by Chad Stahelski)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yesterday, I finally watched the hit film of March 2023, John Wick: Chapter Four.  It left me overwhelmed and I mean that in the best possible way.

The film picks up where the last film left off.  John Wick (Keanu Reeves), the dog-loving, formerly retired professional hit man, is still traveling the world and killing the leaders of the High Table.  As becomes apparent from the start of the film, it’s a bit of a fool’s errand as killing one leader only leads to another leader being installed.  When John travels to Morocco to kill the leader known as “The Elder,” he discovers that the Elder he knew is gone and has been replaced with a new Elder.  He still kills the new Elder because that’s what John Wick does.  He kills people.  He’s a literal killing machine, one who audiences like because he loves dogs, is still mourning for his dead wife, and he’s played by Keanu Reeves.  On paper, the relentless and ruthless character of John Wick is horrifying.  But, when he’s played by Keanu Reeves, he becomes the killing machine that audiences can’t help but love.

The arrogant and brilliantly named Marquis Vincent Bisset de Gramont (Bill Skarsgard, giving a wonderfully hissable performance) is currently in charge of the efforts to track down and kill John.  The Marquis establishes himself as being evil by not only killing Charon (Lance Reddick) but also blowing up the Continental.  Upset by the murder of Charon and the destruction of his business, Winston (Ian McShane, playing his role with the perfect amount of wounded dignity) tells John that he can end his entire war with the High Table by challenging the Marquis to a duel.  Unfortunately, to do that, John has to convince another criminal organization to sponsor him and just about criminal organization on the planet wants John did.  To make things even more difficult, the Marquis has brought the blind assassin, Caine (the incredible Donnie Yen), out of retirement to track down John.  Caine and John are old friends but Caine knows that his daughter will be killed unless he kills John.

Clocking in at 169 minutes, John Wick: Chapter Four is a big, flamboyant, and at times overwhelming production.  John Wick travels across the world and every country in which he finds himself is home to someone who wants him dead.  And since everyone that John Wick knows seems to have a unlimited supply of guards and henchmen, the fights are nonstop and the violence is over the top but the film is so energetic and cheerfully excessive that it’s never boring.  Each fight scene feels like it could be a separate film on its own, with each member of the cast getting a chance to show off what they can do.  The water-filled fight in a Berlin night club is the film’s best moment but it’s closely followed by an extended combat sequence that’s set in a hotel in Japan.  With its vivid cinematography and ornate production design and its spectacular stunts, John Wick Chapter 4 is a work of pure cinema, an thrill ride of glorious excess.  Along with providing an ending to John Wick’s story, it also pays tribute to everything that audiences love about action cinema.  It’s a film for people who love action and, even more importantly, it’s film that has as much love for its audience as it does for itself.

The film ends on a note of apparent finality, one that becomes more ambiguous the more that one examines it.  This may be the last chapter of John Wick’s story or it may not.  (Considering the film’s box office and critical success, I suspect that it will not be the last.)  John Wick Chapter Four serves as a fitting (if perhaps temporary) end to the saga and also a tribute to both the action aesthetic and Keanu Reeves’s innate likability. 

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 6.3 “The Gospel According to Silk” and 6.4 “The Enforcer”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Silk’s aunt dies and Julie nearly kills another player.  It’s a dangerous time in Indiana!

Episode 6.3 “The Gospel According To Silk”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 7th, 2000)

The team is confused as to why Silk never wants to go to kareoke night with them.  They decide to follow Silk to find out what he does after each game.  They discover that he goes to a church so, of course, they decide to follow him inside so they can find out what he does in there.  Uhmmm …. it’s a church.  What do they think he’s doing in there?  Seriously, the people were the worst about not giving anyone any privacy.

Anyway, it turns out that Silk and his Aunt Charlotte (Jennifer Holliday) sing in a gospel choir.  (Have I mentioned how much I dislike gospel music?)  While sitting in the church, the team demands to know why Silk hadn’t been telling them that he sings in the choir.  Uhmmm …. people, you’re in a church!  You’re interrupting a rehearsal!  You’re in a place of worship!  LEAVE SILK ALONE!  He doesn’t have to tell you about every single aspect of his life.

Anyway, now that Aunt Charlotte has been introduced to everyone, she does what every guest star on this show does and she goes to the school to watch the Tornadoes practice.  Charlotte also tosses the ball and makes a few baskets.  Charlotte explains that she can do anything with “faith and a little prayer.”  Then Charlotte goes home, has a heart attack, and, despite all of Silk’s prayers, dies.

Uh-oh, Silk is losing his faith!  Fear not, though, Charlotte’s ghost appears to him at church and tells him not to despair.  Shows like Hang Time were always a bit cringey whenever they attempted to deal with religious faith but Danso Gordon did a good job portraying Silk’s pain and his eventual acceptance of Charlotte’s passing.

As for the B-plot, Coach K and Mary Beth competed to win a car by seeing who could stay in it the longest.  In the end, they both lost because they were both outside of the car when time ran out.  Or something.  It was dumb and it definitely felt out-of-place in this episode.

Episode 6.4 “The Enforcer”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 14th, 2000)

“I was watching the tape of our first three games,” Coach K tells the team at practice, “and I wasn’t happy with what I saw….”

Uhmmm, Coach K, the first episode of the sixth season had the team on the verge of making the playoffs and bragging about their undefeated season.  Why are you only now watching the tape of your first three games?

(The real answer is that NBC showed the final 26 episodes out-of-order.  The fun answer is that Coach K is just extremely slow.)

Coach K is worried that Julie isn’t being aggressive enough.  In their upcoming game against Montrose, the Tornadoes will be facing Dave Carter (Riley Smith), a player who is so good that he’s going to go straight from high school to the NBA despite the fact that he looks way too short to be a basketball player.  Dave’s NBA dreams are shattered with Julie knocks him down to the floor and he tears some ligament in his knee.

Guilt-stricken, Julie loses her competitive edge.  Fortunately, when she goes to visit the wheelchair-bound Dave in the hospital, he tells her that he doesn’t hate her and that she has to “take the shot.”  So, Julie gets back to normal and Dave …. well, I guess he’s going to be stuck in Indiana for the rest of his life.  As always, the important thing is that Julie’s doing better.

Meanwhile, a malfunctioning ATM gives Kristy thousands of dollars.  Unfortunately, it also causes both she and Mary Beth to have bad luck until they give the money away.  As bad as their luck may be, at least they weren’t put in a wheelchair by Julie.  Seriously, poor Dave!

I’m being a bit snarky but this wasn’t a bad episode.  Learning how to deal with guilt is an important lesson and Hang Time deserves some credit for addressing it.  That said, it’s still hard not to notice that the NBA-bound Dave didn’t really appear to be that good of a player in the first place.  I mean, considering that Dave, who we were told was the best player in the history of Indiana high school basketball, didn’t appear to be better than any of the Deering players, shouldn’t the entire cast by NBA-bound?

Next week: Silk is offered a scholarship and a special guest stars shows up for movie night!

Retro Television Reviews: Trial By Fire (dir by Alan Metzger)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1995’s Trial By Fire!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

Trial By Fire opens with an absolutely heart-breaking scene, in which a teenager named Kip Bouchmeyer (Andrew Kavovit) enters his bedroom, closes and locks the door (and, in the process, locks out his dog, who sits out in the hallway sadly), and then proceeds to shoot himself.

The upper class community in which Kip lived is stunned by his suicide but they are soon also scandalized by reports that Kip had been having an affair with one of his teachers, Paulette Gill (Gail O’Grady).  Paulette denies the rumors but soon, Kip’s friends are coming forward and saying that Kip not only told them about the affair but that some of them spied on Kip while he was with her.  Paulette continues to deny the accusations but still loses her teaching license.  Paulette is put on trial, accused of seducing Kip and setting off the chain of events that led to his death.  The only people who seem to be willing to believe Paulette’s side of the story are Paulette’s husband, Roger (Michael Bowen), and her attorney, Owen Turner (Keith Carradine).

Indeed, it doesn’t take long for Owen to discover that there are several inconsistencies in the stories that the other students are spreading about Paulette and how she behaved as a teacher.  Owen starts to suspect that Kip’s friends met after Kip’s suicide and concocted the story of Kip and Paulette’s affair on their own.  But why would they do that and, more importantly, can Owen convince anyone else?

There have been a lot of movies made about teachers seducing and carrying on affairs with students.  (I wrote about one of them, Murder in New Hampshire, just a few weeks ago.) There have been far less films made about teachers who are falsely accused.  Interestingly enough, Trial By Fire is based on a true story.  Paulette Gill was a real teacher and, just as in the movie, she really was accused of contributing to the death of one of her students.  Because it’s based on a true story, Trial By Fire doesn’t answer every question that was raised by the case.  Though the film leaves no doubt that Paulette was innocent of seducing Kip, the film leaves it to the viewer to decide whether she was the victim of an actual conspiracy or if a bunch of teenagers just had an overactive imagination.  The film also leaves it to the viewer to decide as to whether or not Paulette allowed herself to get too close to her students, even if she didn’t actually have an affair with Kip.  It could be argued that Paulette allowed herself to care too much about Kip and was rather naïve in not realizing how easily gossip can spread in a high school.  But I think it could also be argued that it’s better to care too much than to not care at all.

It’s a good movie, though a rather sad one.  (The image of that dog sitting outside of Kip’s bedroom left me depressed for a full day.)  The cast, which is full of TV regulars, does a good job with their characters.  I especially liked Keith Carradine’s performance as the tough but fair-minded attorney.  Trial By Fire takes a familiar subject and gives it an unexpected spin, leaving the audience to consider what their own complicity would have been if they had found themselves in the same situation.

Lisa Marie’s Week in Television: 7/30/23 — 8/5/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Big Brother finally started this week so say goodbye to my free time!

Big Brother 25 (CBS and Paramount Plus, All The Time)

I wrote about the 25th season of Big Brother here!

Claim to Fame (ABC, Monday Night)

Nooooooo!  Not Olivia!  Sadly, Olivia was eliminated this week when she failed to guess to whom Karsyn was related.  Olivia was my favorite so …. well, I’ll still watch the show but now I’m just watching because I want to see people eliminated.  This show is so addictive.

Geraldo (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode of this old talk show from the 80s in which a brawl between Nazis and civil rights leader Roy Innis led to Gerald Rivera getting his nose broken.

The Moment Of Truth (YouTube)

I had totally forgotten about this incredibly mean-spirted game show that aired on Fox back in 2008.  Basically, people took a lie detector exam and they received money for each question they answered truthfully.  If they were caught in a lie, they lost all of their money.  Needless to say, the questions got progressively more and more personal.  The episode that I watched on Tuesday featured a woman who won money by admitting that she had been fired from stealing, that she kept secrets about her father from her mother, and that she would leave her husband for her ex-boyfriend.  Then the woman was asked if she felt she was a good person and her reply of “Yes,” was found to be deceptive so she lost everything.  It was one of the most awkward things that I’ve ever seen.

Naturally, I had to watch another episode on Wednesday.  Paul won $100,000 but he also disgusted his girlfriend and family by confession that he felt he could never be loyal to one woman and that was paid for sex while in college.  Again, it was awkward but compulsively watchable.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode called “He’s Not Good Enough For My Daughter.”  Everyone on the show was pretty trashy and it was kind of hilarious watching Sally try to act like she was hosting a serious discussion.

Stars on Mars (Fox, Monday Night)

Andy Richter has been eliminated and to be honest, I’m surprised.  Andy’s funny but I think he’d be a little bit annoying to travel to another planet with.

The Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

On the episode that I watched on Sunday night, a woman was upset because a “crazy psycho” was stalking her boyfriend.  It turned out that the boyfriend wasn’t quite as innocent as he claimed, which I saw coming from a mile away.  I enjoyed this episode.  It was like an incredibly over-the-top Lifetime movie.

On Monday, I was so depressed, after watching a film called The Honeymoon Killers, that I tried to cheer myself up by watching two episodes.  The first one featured Steve kicking an abuser off his stage and that was fun to watch.  The second featured a woman who thought her boyfriend was gay and who demanded that he take a lie detector test to prove that he was straight.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which a man pretended to have a heart attack to avoid stepping out on stage and seeing the son who he had abandoned years ago.  The audience was not impressed.  The audience was even less impressed with the woman at the center of the next episode that I watched.  Her six children had been taken away from her by the Department of Child Welfare and she was determined to have a seventh child with a teenager who appeared to be suffering from some sort of brain damage.  It was disturbing to watch, to say the least.

You Don’t Know Jack (YouTube)

This was a game show, based on the computer game, that aired on ABC in 2001.  It was hosted by Paul Reubens.  I watched an episode on Saturday morning.  The questions were pretty easy.  The main attraction of the show was to watch Reubens play the role of the hilariously shallow game show host.  It was amusing, though the humor seemed like it would work best in small doses as opposed to on a weekly basis.