Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.5 “The Good Collar”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, even more innocent lives are destroyed by an unwinnable war on drugs.

Episode 3.5 “The Good Collar”

(Dir by Mario DiLeo, originally aired on October 24th, 1986)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice tells the story of several wars playing out on the streets of Miami.

One of the wars is the skirmish between two street gangs, made up exclusively of teenagers.  Led by Count Walker (Samuel Graham), the Regular Fellas are pushing drugs and even forcing a promising football star named Archie Ellis (Keith Diamond) to deliver a package of black tar heroin for them.  The Regular Fellas are at war with The Apostles.  Among the members of the Apostles is Ramirez (Jsu Garcia), an undercover cop who is actually 23 but who is pretending to be seventeen.

When Crockett and Tubbs bust Archie, all three of them find themselves dragged into the National War On Drugs.  Assistant State Attorney William Pepin (Terry Kinney) wants to take Count Walker down, if just so he can claim a rare victory.  When Archie helps Crockett and Tubbs make a bust and also saves them from getting shot in a back alley, Pepin agrees to drop all the charges against Archie.  But after Ramirez is blown up by the Regular Fellas, Pepin decides that he’s going to go ahead and charge Archie unless Archie wears a wire and gets Count Walker to confess to his crimes.

Crockett, the former football star, is outraged by Pepin’s decision to put Archie in danger.  Crockett even offers to doctor the records so that Archie’s arrest will be dismissed by the courts.  However, Archie refuses.  Archie says that he’s responsible for his own mistakes and he’ll deal with the consequences.  Unfortunately, in this case, the consequences involve Archie being shot and killed by Count Walker, though not before getting Walker to confess on tape.  Walker is arrested and his gang is destroyed but at the cost of Archie’s life.  Pepin is happy.  Ramierz’s supervisor, Lt. Lee Atkins (John Spencer), is happy.  But social worker Ed McCain (Charles S. Dutton) blames Crockett for Archie’s death.  And Archie’s grandmother slams the door in Crockett’s face when he attempts to come by to pay his final respects.

What a dark episode!  However, it does get to the truth of the matter.  There was no way to win the War on Drugs.  Even the victories in this episode feel hollow.  Regular viewers of Miami Vice would have understood that someone else would eventually step into the vacuum left by Walker’s arrest.  Meanwhile, Archie — a good kid with the athletic talent necessary to win a college scholarship and have a chance to escape from the poverty that he grew up in — is shot and killed because a state’s attorney needed to notch up at least one victory.  Miami Vice was at its best when it was cynical and it doesn’t get much more cynical than this heartbreaking episode.

Bonus Horror Song of the Day: Love Song For A Vampire by Annie Lennox


I kind of feel like I didn’t give enough love to the vampires this Horrorthon.  I’ll make up for it next year.

For now, though, allow me to offer up this Love Song For A Vampire, which was recorded by Annie Lennox for 1992’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula!

Horror On The Lens: The Beast of Yucca Flats (dir by Coleman Francis)


Beastyuccaflats

Since Tor Johnson’s birthday was just 9 days ago, it only seems appropriate that today’s Horror on the Lens should be one that he starred in, 1961’s The Best Of Yucca Flats.

My friend, the writer and chef Tammy Dowden, claims that this is the worst movie ever made.

Well, technically, she may be right.  The Beast of Yucca Flats is a thoroughly inept film that makes next to no sense and has massive continuity errors.  It’s a film that also features the legendary Tor Johnson as a Russian scientist who gets mutated by radiation and becomes a monster, but not before taking off almost all of his clothes while walking through the desert.  For that matter, it’s also a film about a family that comes together though adversity — namely, being shot at by the police after the family patriarch is somehow mistaken for Tor Johnson.  And finally, it’s the story of how a dying monster can find comfort from a rabbit and that’s actually kind of a sweet message.

Here’s the thing — yes, The Beast of Yucca Flats is bad but you still owe it to yourself to watch it because you will literally never see anything else like it.  Plus, maybe you’ll be able to figure out what the whole point of the opening scene is.

Because I’ve watched this film a few times and I still have no idea!

Enjoy!

Horror Song of the Day: Ave Satani by Jerry Goldsmith


Today’s horror song of the day is the only hymn to Satan to have been nominated for an Oscar.  From 1976’s The Omen, here is Ave Satani.  Don’t sing along as much as you may be tempted too.  We’ve all seen Hellraiser.

Composed by Jerry Goldsmith, this version of this song was performed by the Tenerife Film Orchestra and Choir.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.14 “Black & White”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

With the school year coming to an end, prejudice raises its ugly head.

Episode 3.14 “Black & White”

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on March 5th, 1989)

The school year is nearly over.  While Bart and Scooter take pictures for the yearbook, the other students prepare for the big graduation dance.  BLT asks Michelle to be his date to the dance and Michelle says yes.  I have to admit that I was a bit surprised that BLT and Michelle weren’t already dating at the start of this episode.  Nearly every time that we’ve seen Michelle over the course of the third season, BLT has been right there with her.

Alexa says that it’s great the Michelle is going to the dance with BLT because BLT is a great dancer.  “That goes without saying,” Alexa says.  After an appropriately awkward silence, Alexa adds, “Because he’s black.”  Okay, Alexa, thanks for sharing…. Alexa goes on to say that her parents would never allow her to date a black person because they hate anyone who isn’t Greek.  That must make their lives in Toronto very interesting….

Unfortunately, it turns out that Alexa isn’t the only student with prejudiced parents.  Michelle’s mother takes one look at BLT and suddenly decides that Michelle is too young to start dating.  After Michelle tells BLT the news, BLT suggests that Michelle’s mom doesn’t want her to date him because he’s black.  When Michelle finally works up the courage to ask her mom if BLT is correct, her mom replies that she’s not racist at all.  Instead, she’s so progressive that she understands how racist everyone else is and therefore, she has a unique understanding of how difficult it would be if Michelle ended up marrying someone who wasn’t white….

AGCK!  It’s like a Canadian version of the “I would have voted for Obama a third time,” line from Get Out.

Finally, Michelle works up the courage to go with BLT to the dance anyway, regardless of what her parents may think.

Meanwhile, Spike tries to get a part-time job at a deli.  The owner takes one look at her hair and then claims that Spike was late to the job interview and is therefore unhirable.  “That’s prejudice,” Liz says as they walk away from the deli.  And it is but it’s really not the equivalent of what BLT is dealing with.  Sorry, Degrassi.

For the most part, this was an effective episode.  It starts out with a jarring scene in which another students bumps into BLT and uses the “n-word.”  BLT and the racist student get into a fist fight, which is broken up by an assistant principal.  BLT is told that he’ll be suspended if there’s another fight but, as he explains to Snake and Wheels, there’s no way he’s going to back down if he sees the student again.

“Can’t you just ignore it?” Snake asks.

“You’re not the one being called a….” BLT says, uttering the slur.

It’s an honest scene and not one that most teen shows would have the guts to include.  Hearing the word used so casually in 2024 is jarring.  For American audiences, it’s sometimes good to be reminded that racism is not something that is unique to only one region of our country.  It’s a worldwide thing and often those who are the quickest to brag about their tolerance are actually the most prejudiced people around.

Bonus Horror On TV: Degrassi of the Dead


Hey, remember that time in 2007 when all the students at Toronto’s Degrassi Community School were turned into zombies?  This 10 minute film takes a non-canonical look at what would happen to everyone’s favorite Canadian high school if there was a zombie apocalypse!

(By the way, I know what you’re thinking but this was actually made in 2007, long before the premiere of The Walking Dead.)

Enjoy watching Drake turn into a zombie!

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond 3.25 “The Room Upstairs” (dir by John Newland)


When an American couple rents a home in London, Esther (Lois Maxwell, the future Mrs. Moneypenny) swears she can hear a baby crying.  Eventually, she tracks the crying down to an upstairs room.  In that room, however, she finds not just a child but also a portal into the past.

Can you prove it didn’t happen?

The episode aired on March 21st, 1961.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on the Street 1.4 “Son of a Gun”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, things get emotional on Homicide!

Episode 1.4 “Son of a Gun”

(Dir by Nick Gomez, originally aired on February 10th, 1993)

Officer Chris Thormann (Lee Tergesen), a patrol officer who is friendly with the Homicide detectives and who is a bit of protegee to Steve Crosetti, has been shot.  While Thormann lies in surgery with a bullet in his brain, his wife (Edie Falco, in one of her first television appearances) waits for news from the doctors and tries to avoid the members of the callous press.  Crosetti demands to be put in charge of the investigation into Thormann’s shooting and when Giardello points out, quite correctly, that Crosetti is too close to the victim to be objective, Crosetti strips down to his boxers and shows Giardello the scars left behind by every time that he’s been shot.

It’s an odd scene, one that seems to come out of nowhere in an episode that, up until that moment, had been pretty serious.  Kotto does a great job of capturing Giardello’s horror as Crosetti drops his pants.  It’s obvious that this is not the first time that Crosetti has shown off his scars to get assigned to a certain case.  It’s a scene that shouldn’t work but it does work because not only is it well-acted by Yaphet Kotto and Jon Polito but it also captures the insanity of being a homicide detective.  Just four episodes in, Homicide has already shown that it can be a funny show but the humor is rooted in the darkest corners of the human experience.  To survive as a homicide detective, you have to harden yourself to the point of being callous and you have to be able to see the humor in just about everything.  Crosetti, with his constant analysis of the Lincoln assassination and his inventory of bullet scars, may seem crazy but actually, he’s doing what he has to do to survive.

The episode ends with Thormann alive but in a coma and possibly brain-damaged.  And it ends with the shooter still at large.  Crosetti has received an anonymous tip from someone saying that the killer was a man named Alfred Smith.  But who knows if that’s true.

The Adeena Watson case remains open, as well.  Bayliss and Pembleton are still struggling to figure out how to work together.  Bayliss is too obsessed with the case.  Pembleton is too determined to show up the new guy.  A raid on the apartment where it’s believed Adeena was murdered turns up nothing but more evidence of human misery.  That said, a cheerful guy (played by Paul Schulze) who claims to be an agent for hitmen does give up several of his clients, allowing Howard and Felton to close even more cases.  Even Calpurnia Church (Mary Jefferson), the “black widow” from the pilot, is finally arrested due to the agent’s testimony.

Finally, Stanley Bolander goes on his first date with Dr. Blythe.  Before going on his date, he meets his neighbor, Larry Molera (Luis Guzman).  Larry is a carpenter.  He’s built a coffin that is currently sitting in living room.  Bolander’s date goes well but the nervous Bolander turns down Blythe’s offer to go back to her place with her.  Bolander returns to his apartment, where he discovers that Larry is dead and lying in his coffin.  (Much, who was called when Larry’s body was discovered, is shocked to see Bolander.  Bolander is not happy that Much now knows where he lives.)  Larry’s death inspires Boland to return to Dr. Blythe’s apartment.

This was an emotional episode.  Thormann is clinging to his life while his wife and Crosetti wait for him to wake up.  The recently divorced Bolander finally found the courage to go out with Dr. Blythe.  Bayliss appears to be so obsessed with the Adeena Watson case that he’s struggling to think straight.  This episode takes a look at the mental strain that comes from dealing with crime and death on a daily basis.  It’s well-done, even if it’s not quite as memorable as Night of the Dead Living.  (The stuff with Larry and his coffin was a bit too self-consciously quirky to be as emotionally devastating as the show obviously meant for it to be.)  If I took anything away from this episode, it’s that fate is random.  Officer Thormann has been shot in the head but he survived hours of surgery.  Larry seemed to be healthy but he suddenly died while Bolander was on his date.  Adeena’s killer may never be caught while Calpurnia Church was caught because of an initially unrelated investigation.  Some of the detectives are skilled.  Some of them are not.  But, in the end, they’re all at the random mercy of fate.

Bonus Horror Song of the Day: Season of the Witch, covered by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts


Did you know that Joan Jett did a cover of Season of the Witch?

I didn’t, at least not until the YouTube algorithm decided to let me know.  For once, the algorithm was a force of good.  (Apparently, this song was used on the soundtrack of Netflix’s Son of Sam documentary.  I did watch that documentary and I do remember this song being used in it but I didn’t realize that it was Joan Jett performing the song.)

Here’s Joan Jett and the Blackhearts with their cover of Donovan’s Season of the Witch.

 

Horror on the Lens: The Horror at 37,000 Feet (dir by David Lowell Rich)


Today, we have the 1973 made-for-TV movie, The Horror at 37,000 Feet.  This film starts off like a typical disaster film, with a collection of familiar celebrities catching a flight from Heathrow Airport.    What they don’t know is that celebrity is not the only thing flying across the ocean!  There’s a sacrificial altar sitting in the baggage hold and soon, all sorts of strange things are happening!  Truly, it’s a horror at 37,000 feet!

This film is silly and perhaps even a little bit dumb but it’s also definitely a lot of fun.  To be honest, when you’ve got William Shatner playing an ex-priest who is wondering what happened to his faith, how can you go wrong?  Along with Shatner, keep an eye out for Chuck Conners, Buddy Ebsen, Roy Thinnes, Paul Winfield, Tammy Grimes, and France Nuyen.  Basically, every TV actor who needed a job in 1973 boarded The Horror at 37,000 Feet. 

Happy October and enjoy The Horror at 37,000 Feet!