Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.19 “Only God Can Make A Tree”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard goes to jail!

Episode 2.19 “Only God Can Make A Tree”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on March 1st, 1987)

Old George is coming down!

Who is Old George?  Actually, it’s more a question of what is Old George?  Old George is a tree that stands a few feet away from Cobb’s.  Apparently, Howard spent a good deal of his youth hanging out around Old George.  He and his father used to have picnics under Old George.  He and his friends use to climb Old George.  Howard decides that Old George must be saved so he organizes a protest.  He forces Christian, Leslie, and Viker to join him in trying to keep the city contactors from chopping down the tree.  As a result, Howard and his three employees are arrested and sent to jail.

(Can you sue if your boss forces you to do something that gets you arrested?  It seems like you should be able to.  Of course, I’m not really sure how the law works in Canada.)

In court, the four men decide that, instead of getting a lawyer to defend them, they’ll just let Howard be in charge of their defense.  I guess they all want to go to jail.  Edna brings Howard several law books but she brings them to the trial so Howard has to skim them while the arresting police officer (Bob Bainborough) gives his testimony.  That seems counter-productive but whatever.  The law books aren’t necessary because, instead of arguing the law, Howard just tells the judge how much the tree meant to him.  Howard and his employees are set free by the judge (Jack Mather).  Then Old George is promptly chopped down because it has Dutch Elm disease.  So, it was all for nothing!

Because Howard’s Aunt Lil (Kay Tremblay) was visiting, we did learn a bit about Howard’s background.  After his father died, Howard was raised by his aunt.  He grew up in the same neighborhood where he works.  All of his friends grew up to be doctors and lawyers and scientists while Howard grew up to manage a grocery store.  He’s been living with Edna for seven years but doesn’t have any plans to marry her.  Edna desperately wants to have grandchildren but again, Howard’s in no huray to get married …. you know, when you combine all of this with the tree ultimately dying, this is probably the most depressing episode of Check It Out ever shot.

This was a weird episode.  While I can respect Howard’s desire to protect Old George, I can’t respect him requiring his employees to join with him in the protest.  It’s also strange to me that they protested while they were still on the clock.  Did the store just shut down while they were all sitting in jail?  All of this seems like bad boss behavior to me.  Jeff Pustil, Aaron Schwartz, Kathleen Laskey, and Gordon Clapp all managed to get in a few good lines but Don Adams himself seemed confused as to whether he should play Howard as being an earnest tree-lover or as just a pompous ass.  That’s not really Adams’s fault.  This show has never been particularly consistent in the way that Howard is portrayed.

That said, I would have tried to save Old George as well.  From what I saw of him, he was an impressive tree.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/3/24 — 11/9/24


2024 U.S. Presidential Election Coverage (Tuesday and Wednesday)

On Tuesday, I swore to myself that I was going to vote and then we were going to go up to the lake and my plan was to basically stay off the grid until Friday.  I wasn’t even going to think about the election.  That did not last.  As much as I tried to avoid the news, I still saw a few updates on twitter and soon, I was switching back and forth from Fox to CNN to MSNBC and then to all the other news stations.

To be honest, I kind of suspected Donald Trump was going to win after Kamala Harris picked Tim Walz for her vice president.  The week leading up the election, however, I started to think that Harris was probably going to win.  I started remembering how 2022 seemed like it was going to be  a big year for Republicans, just for the Red Wave to fizzle on election night.  I thought about how polls have never accurately reflected either Trump’s support or how Dobbs turned a lot of people into one-issue voters.  I thought Harris would sweep Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin and win the election.  It turns out that I was wrong about most of that!

This was the third presidential election in a row where I swore to myself that I wouldn’t think about it after I voted, just to later find myself then obsessively watching as the results came in.

American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez (FX, Tuesday Night)

The ninth episode focused on how the women who knew Aaron Hernandez dealt with him being arrest for murder.  And to that, I can only say, “Who cares?”  After nine hours of this show, the only lesson that I’ve learned is that Aaron Hernandez was a tremendous dumbass and the same can be said of the majority of the people around him.

I was super-excited because I thought this week’s episode was the series’ finale.  It turns out that there’s one more episode to go.  Next week, this show will finally wrap up and I won’t have to complain about it anymore.

Bar Rescue (Paramount, Weekday Mornings)

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which Jon Taffer turned a failing Irish bar into a failing western saloon.  It wasn’t as much fun as the Pirate Bar episode.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check it Out! (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode of Check It Out! will be posted in about 30 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dragnet (YouTube)

On Tuesday, I took a break from the election coverage and rewatched my two favorite episodes of Dragnet, the talk show episode and the night school episode.

Fantasy Island (DVR)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

You can read my review here!

Good Times (Get TV, Weekday Afternoons)

I watched two episodes of this 70s sitcom on Monday afternoon.  Carl, a grumpy old man, discovered that he had cancer and he left Chicago for Arizona so that he could deal with it.  The most memorable moment of the two episodes came when Carl told Florida that he felt they should break up.  “Oh my God!” someone in the studio audience shouted.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Thursday Night)

Just as happened last week, the Blue Team triumphed and the Red Team crashed and burned.  I’m enjoying this season.  I like the fact that they’re all strong chefs.  At this point, I feel like anyone could win.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Homicide: Life on the Street (Peacock)

I wrote about Homicide here!

King of the Hill (FXX, Weekday Morning)

Before I left to vote on Tuesday, I watched four episodes of King of the Hill.  What a great show, that was.  To be honest, the fact that King of the Hill was canceled but Family Guy is still in production is all the evidence you need about the decline of American culture.  As for the episodes I watched, my favorite was the one where Luanne became a boxer and George Foreman appeared as himself.  “Novelty grill!?”

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I watched The Love Boat on Tuesday night, while sitting outside on the deck of my family’s lakehouse.  That’s the best way to watch anything!  I wrote about The Love Boat here.

Malibu, CA (YouTube)

I wrote about Malibu, CA here!

The Megyn Kelly Show (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched the post-election episode of the Megyn Kelly Show.  Whether you love her, hate her, or if you’re indifferent to her (as I often am), it was hard not to agree with her post-mortem on the election and the Harris campaign.

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

St. Elsewhere (Hulu)

You can read my review here!

TV 2000 (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode of this old 80s music video program on Friday night.  The music was good.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I can’t believe I paid money to watch this episode.  You can read my review here.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.7 “Barbarino’s Boo-Boo”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

The Welcome Back Kotter death march continues.

Things have really been going downhill since Howard Golden replaced Sebastian Leone.

Episode 4.7 “Barbarino’s Boo-Boo”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 21st, 1978)

Mr. Woodman’s going into the hospital to have a bunion removed.  Unfortunately, it’s the same hospital the employs Vinnie Barbarino.  The head nurses gives Barbarino a lot of instructions.  “I’m so confused!” Barbarino says.  The audiences goes wild.  Barbarino wheels Mr. Woodman into an elevator but then get distracted by a Spanish woman (played by Jeannie Linero, who also played Lucy Mancini in The Godfather) looking for the maternity ward.  “Do you speak Italian?” Barbarino asks.  The elevator doors close.  Woodman is missing!  For some reason, the other Sweathogs — including Beau — show up at the hospital and start wandering around, helping Barbarino look for Woodman.  Eventually, Gabe and Julie show up.  Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman stand next to each other but refuse to look at each other.  The hatred is palpable.

I watched this episode and I said to myself, “I paid two bucks for this?”

Seriously, I am really annoyed that Tubi took Welcome Back, Kotter off of its service.  Admittedly, it’s not a big deal, having to pay two bucks for the few remaining episodes that are left to review.  I can more than afford it.  It’s not so much cost as much as it’s just the idea of spending any amount of money to watch something this bad.  I had read that Welcome Back, Kotter really declined during the fourth season.  Apparently, Gabe Kaplan was no longer getting along with the show’s producers.  The Sweathogs were all being played by actors who were way too old to pass for high school students.  (In this episode, even Travolta looked way too old to be playing a teenager.)  Marcia Strassman was reportedly miserable and didn’t even want to be in the same room as Kaplan.  The ratings were going downhill.  The show’s biggest draw, John Travolta, only agreed to appear in a handful of episodes.  It’s understandable the Season 4 would see a decline in quality but nothing could have prepared for me for just how bad this episode was.

John Travolta is usually the show’s saving grace but even in this episode, he seems bored and more than a little annoyed with having to take a break from Hollywood stardom to play Vinnie Barbarino.  The studio audience goes crazy when Travolta enters a room and they love his “I’m so confused!” but Travolta himself seems like he’d rather be anywhere but there.  The same is true of the other Sweathogs, all of whom clearly seem to be ready to move on to other projects.  Out of the cast, only John Sylvester White really seems to be trying to give a good performance in this episode but Woodman disappears fairly early on.  The other big problem is that the hospital setting just isn’t that funny.  The Sweathogs wandering through the hospital and making life difficult for the patients is not funny.  Beau accidentally breaking a man’s nose (and yes, that does happen) is not funny.  Perhaps during the show’s first two seasons, when everyone was really into it, this episode could have been funny.  But, with everyone just going through the motions, it’s just annoying.

Oh well, this show will be over soon.  Only 16 more episodes to go!

Music Video of the Day: I’m With You by Avril Lavigne (2002, dir by Dave LaChapelle)


I’ve often felt like Avril Lavigne in this video, searching and kicking open doors while my band plays in the background.  Actually, I don’t have a band but, if I did, they would be standing on a street corner playing.  Their name would be the Bowmanaires, by the way.

This is a video that I obsessed on when I was much younger.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.17 “The Mephisto Ring”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki and Ryan search for a cursed World Series ring.

Episode 2.17 “The Mephisto Ring”

(Dir by Bruce Pittman, originally aired on April 10th, 1989)

In 1982, a gambler is shot and killed by an unknown assailant.

Seven years later, that gambler’s son, Donald Wren (Denis Forest), has developed a problem of his own.  Despite his mother (Doris Petrie) begging him not to follow in his father’s footsteps, Donald has become a compulsive gambler.  Unfortunately, Donald is not particularly talented at picking winners and, as a result, he’s deep in debt with the mob.  Donald has dangerous men after him who want to know where their money is.  However, when Donald discovers his father’s ring, things start to change for him.

The ring is a 1919 World Series ring and, as you probably already guessed, it’s cursed.  All Donald has to do is put the ring on someone else’s finger and, after the ring kills that person, Donald will receive a vision of how a sporting event is going to end.  Donald discovers who is going to win a basketball game, a horserace, and a UFC match.  As Donald continues to use the ring, he starts to lose his mind.  Friday the 13th has always felt like a show that’s actually about drug addiction, with the cursed objects not only killing people but also corrupting the minds of the people who own them.  Donald goes from being a wimp to being someone who laughs maniacally while watching gangsters violently die.

With Jack away, it falls to Micki and Ryan to retrieve the ring.  Donald’s mother wants him to give up the ring because she saw what it did to his father.  But Donald refuses to surrender the ring, even when his use of it eventually leads to evil gangster Anthony Macklin (James Purcell) abducting his mother.  Donald is able to convince Macklin to wear the ring.  Macklin is promptly killed but, when Donald still refuses to give up the ring, his mother ends up shooting Donald in the head.  As she explains to Micki and Ryan, she had to do the same thing to Donald’s father.  After putting the ring in the vault, Micki and Ryan agree to keep the mother’s history of murder a secret.

This was an okay episode.  The most interesting thing about it was that Micki and Ryan, even while they were searching for the ring, were pretty much bystanders to the drama involving Donald, his mother, and the gangsters.  Other than a scene where Micki pretended to be flirt with Donald in order to get him to leave a bar with her, neither Micki and Ryan really did much in this episode.  Denis Forest, making his second appearance on Friday the 13th, gave a good performance as Donald and even managed to generate some sympathy for the character.  The gangsters felt like they were left over from an episode of T and T.  As I said, it was an okay episode but not one that made a huge impression.

 

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu!

When I started reviewing Homicide, Jeff suggested that I should also review St. Elsewhere because the two shows shared a similar sensibility and a lot of behind-the-scenes personnel.  (Homicide showrunner Tom Fontana started out as a writer on St. Elsewhere.)  Apparently. a few characters from St. Elsewhere would eventually cross-over to Homicide.  Since I’m planning on soon reviewing two shows that were descended from HomicideOz and The Wire — it only seemed right to also review a show that was Homicide’s ancestor.

Though the show aired largely before my time, St. Elsewhere is definitely a show that I have heard about.  Everyone who follows American pop culture has either read about or seen the show’s infamous final episode and knows about the Tommy Westphall Universe Hypothesis.  Obviously, I can’t get into it now because that would be a spoiler but we’ll discuss it when the time comes!

For now, let’s start at the beginning, with the pilot!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on October 26th, 1982)

St. Eligius is a hospital in Boston that has obviously seen better days.  From the outside, it looks old.  On the inside, the hallways have the dim and dull look of a building that hasn’t been renovated in over ten years.  As Dr. Mark Craig (William Daniels, long before he played Mr. Feeney on Boy Meets World) angrily puts it, the hospital gets no respect in Boston.  It’s seen as being a “dumping ground” for patients who can’t afford anything better.  Dr. Craig is world-renowned heart surgeon whose wealthy patients have donated what few improvements the hospital has seen over the past few years.  (“All of our clocks now read the same time!” Dr. Craig brags at one point.)  But not even Dr. Craig can change the hospital’s reputation as being secondary to Boston General.

There are actually a few good things about St. Eligius.  For one thing, a young Denzel Washington is on staff, playing resident Phillip Chandler.  Denzel doesn’t get to do much in the pilot but still, his presence fills the viewer with confidence.  St. Eligius is also home to a world-renowned liver specialist, Dr. Daniel Auschlander (played by Norman Lloyd, who also worked with Hitchcock and Orson Welles).  Auschlander has liver cancer but the hospital chief-of-staff, Dr. Donald Westphall (Ed Flanders), assures everyone that Auschlander will probably “out live us all.”  (And he was right, to an extent.  Norman Lloyd lived to be 106 years old before passing away in 2021.  Ed Flanders died, tragically by suicide, in 1995.)  St. Eligius is a teaching hospital and the residents want to make a good impression by keeping their patients alive.  That’s always a good thing.

At the same time, how secure can you feel when Howie Mandel is one of the residents?  Mandel plays Dr. Wayne Fiscus, who wears a baseball cap and acts …. well, he acts a lot like Howie Mandel.  Like Washington, Mandel doesn’t do a lot in the pilot.  He does get a subplot where he apparently has sex in the morgue with goth pathologist Cathy Martin (Barbara Whinnery) but otherwise, we don’t see him treating a patient or anything like that.  Still, it’s a bit jarring to see Howie Mandel as a doctor.  I would not necessarily want him for my doctor because he’s to be easily distracted.  Maybe he’ll change my mind as the series progresses.

Speaking of sex, Dr. Ben Samuels (David Birney) has gonorrhea and spends most of the pilot approaching doctors and nurses and informing them of his conditions and suggesting that they might want to get tested themselves.  That’s not exactly the best way to be introduced to a character but it also lets us know that this show is not just going to be about dedicated doctors who spend all of their time worrying about their patients and making amazing medical discoveries.  Instead, this show is also about doctors who get venereal diseases.  Has anyone checked on Fiscus in the morgue?

(That said, Dr. Samuels does get a scene where he saves the life of a woman who was injured in a terrorist bombing, as if the show does want to make sure that we know that he can do his job, even if he is spreading VD through the hospital.)

The majority of the episode follows Dr. Jack Morrison (David Morse), a first-year resident who has been working several 24-hour shifts and who complains, at one point, that he hasn’t seen his wife for days.  Dr. Morrison gets upset when a surgeon wants to operate on one of his patients, a 15 year-old girl named Sandy (Heather McAdams).  Morrison believes that surgeons always want to cut into somebody.  Morrison gets even more upset when Sandy’s mother requests that Sandy be transferred to Boston General, which has a reputation for being a better, more modern hospital.  In fact, Morrison is so upset and exhausted that he forgets to file a death certificate for a patient who dies during the night.  As a result, it’s believed that the patient, who has a reputation for being violent, has gone missing and is stalking the hospital.  Dr. Annie Cavanero (Cynthia Sikes) spends the entire episode looking for a dead man, which at least gives her an excuse to visit every ward and introduce the viewers to the members of the show’s ensemble cast.

Having lost my mom to cancer and now my Dad to Parkinson’s, I was hesitant about reviewing St. Elsewhere.  (Actually, I was hesitant about reviewing any medical show.)  When my Dad was in the hospital, I felt like I couldn’t get anyone to give me a straight answer about his condition and I often felt the doctors were talking down to me.  To be honest, my worst conflicts were with the nurses, one of whom told me that I would have to “lose the attitude” before she would explain why my father had been moved to the Delirium Ward.  (It didn’t help that, at the same time my Dad was in the hospital, there was a huge storm that left us without power for a week.)  At the same time, there were other doctors who were helpful.  The staff at the rehab center that my dad was sent to were also wonderful.  I have my regrets about agreeing to hospice care but the nurse who was assigned to my Dad was very empathetic and totally understanding whenever I asked her for a cigarette.  (Under normal circumstances, I don’t smoke because I have asthma but seriously, the stress was killing me.)  I’m bitter and angry about a lot of what happened but I’m also thankful for the small moments of kindness.

Watching a show set in a hospital was not easy for me but the pilot of St. Elsewhere appealed to me with its mix of melodrama and humor.  There was a quirkiness to it that I appreciated.  William Daniels made me laugh with his annoyed rant about how little respect the hospital received.  Most of all, I cared about whether or not Dr. Morrison would still be alive at the end of his shift.  David Morse’s performance won me over.  He’s the type of doctor that I would want to have.  Well, actually, I’d probably want Denzel to my doctor but Dr, Morrison could assist.  Just keep Dr. Howie Mandel away from me.  Nothing against him but he seemed to be having way too much fun at the hospital….

Most importantly, the show ended with a cat.

Next week, the drama continues at St. Elsewhere!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.24 “Friends”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, season 2 comes to an end!

Episode 2.24 “Friends”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on May 7th, 1986)

Jonathan and Mark have a new assignment.  They’re going to be working as substitute teachers.

“I don’t want to be a teacher!” Mark says.

It’s actually kind of interesting that Mark is never happy with any of the assignments that he and Jonathan are given.  It seems like almost every assignment involves making him do something that he doesn’t want to do and also humiliating him in the process.  In this episode, Mark not only has to be a teacher but he ends up teaching Sex Education.  We don’t actually see Mark teaching the class.  In fact, Mark is actually barely in this episode.  But we certainly do hear Mark complaining about having to do it.

This episode finds Jonathan reaching out to two troubled students.  Jack Mason (Darren Dalton) is only going to school because he likes playing on the baseball team and he’d like to win the state championship before his senior year ends.  Otherwise, Jack doesn’t care about his grades or even graduating.  He tells Jonathan that his father dropped out of school and he’s doing just fine.  Jack even suggests that he personally might drop out as soon as baseball season ends.

(Jack is apparently a good baseball player but he never mentions any desire to play professionally.  That would truly make him unique amongst high school jocks.  It would also suggest that Jack is realistic enough to realize how difficult it is to make it as a professional athlete.  Jonathan gives Jack a hard time about his attitude but Jack might be smarter than he seems.)

Because Jack is failing Algebra, Jonathan arranges for Jack to have a tutor.  Jonathan selects Jenny Bates (Judy Carmen) for the job.  Jenny is a lonely girl who is good at Algebra and insecure about being overweight.  She desperately just wants to have a friend but hardly anyone at the school is willing to talk to her.  Will she be able to help Jack improve his grades?  Will Jack finally realize that his father is struggling due to his lack of a high school diploma?  Will Jack’s bitchy girlfriend (Alexandra Powers) invite Judy to a party just so she can trick Judy into putting on a bathing suit so that she can be humiliated in front of everyone?  Will the episode end with Jack on the way to graduating and Judy finally having made a friend?  This is Highway to Heaven so I think you know the answer to all those questions.

“If I can pass Algebra,” Jack tells Judy, ‘you can lose weight!”

Now, that’s definitely not something that you would hear on a network television program today.  Not in today’s age of body positivity.  That said, let’s be honest.  Being overweight is not necessarily healthy and, just as no one should be ridiculed for being on the heavy side, no one should be shamed for trying to lose weight if that’s what they want (or need) to do.

This episode was a bit on the predictable side, but that’s actually one of the things that people tend to like about shows like Highway to Heaven.  Judy Carmen gave a poignant performance as Jenny.  Darren Dalton played Jack as being a bit of an arrogant knucklehead and that made all of the scenes in which Jonathan yelled at him feel extremely satisfying.  (I should note that I recently rewatched the original Red Dawn so I spent this entire episode thinking about how Dalton betrayed The Wolverines to the Russians.)  This episode featured Jonathan at his most stern and it was an interesting change-of-pace from the gentle technique that Jonathan usually uses during his missions.

With this episode, the second season ends.  It was a good season, overall.  The show can be corny and a bit mawkish but it’s all so earnest and sincere that it’s often impossible not to be somewhat moved by it.  Next week, we start season three!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.17 “The Game Show”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Why do I do this to myself?

Episode 1.17 “The Game Show”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 14th, 1999)

Scott has been promoted!  His father has made Scott the new weekend manager of his restaurant, The Lighthouse.  Jason is offended, even though Jason regularly comes to work late and is rude to the customers.  Strangely enough, though, the other workers at The Lighthouse, the majority of whom have probably been working there longer than both Jason and Scott, are not offended that a major promotion was given to the boss’s inexperienced jerk of a son.  Seriously, Scott has only been in Malibu for a few months and he’s gotten in just as much trouble with Jason.  Neither one of them deserves a promotion.

Jason and Scott are selected to appear on Blind Date, a dating game show that airs on Malibu’s public access channel.  (Not surprisingly, the show is hosted by Tracy.)  Jason makes a $300 bet with Scott that he can win the date.  Jason’s plan is to cheat by sneaking a look at the audition tape of the girl who will be selecting her date.  Scott discovers that Jason is cheating so he cheats by convincing Tracy to invite a different girl on the show.  During the show, Jason realizes what Scott has done and calls him out.  Tracy disqualifies both of them, which means that Murray wins the date.

I got a headache just writing that paragraph.

Meanwhile, Stads puts on a fat suit so that she can research how people treat the obese.  A lifeguard named Darren (Brody Hutzler) asks Stads out while she’s in disguise.  Stads is excited to finally have a date but will Darren still want to date her when he finds out that Stads is thin?

Every Peter Engel-produced sitcom did at least one episode where one of the main characters found themselves being forced to either go on a date or work with a fat person.  Usually, these episodes ended with the standard message of “It’s what’s inside that counts,” and then the fat character, having served their purpose, would never be seen or mentioned again.  The theme of this episode of Malibu, CA seems to be that some people don’t care about physical appearances and seriously, what the Hell’s wrong with those people?  Stads learns that not everyone is turned off by a few extra pounds and wow, those people are weird!  It’s not a great message for a sitcom aimed at teen girls, to be honest.

As usual, this episode struggles because almost everyone on the show comes across as being a sociopath.  Scott is promoted for no good reason and immediately gets an attitude.  Jason breaks the fourth wall to brag to the audience about how he’s going to lie, cheat, and steal.  Stads may not be a sociopath but she is remarkably shallow in this episode.  It’s always strange the way that this show insists that Stads, who is blonde, pretty, and athletic, can somehow never get a date.  Maybe it would help if she had a better name.  Stads probably sounds a bit too much like Stabs.

Murray and Tracy are, at this point, is the only decent characters on the show, largely because they’re both open and honest about who they are and they’re not ashamed of their quirks.  Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor both seemed to have understood that it was pointless to try to give “real” performances on this show and their willingness to full embrace the over-the-top silliness of their characters went a long way towards making them tolerable.

Next week, the agony continues!