Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 2.2 “A Helping Hand”

Posted on December 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Degrassi goes there!

Episode 2.2 “A Helping Hand”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 14th, 1988)

There’s a lot of drama to be found in this week’s episode of Degrassi Junior High. In fact, this is actually the first episode that I’ve seen that juggled three on-going B-plots along with the A-plot. Watching this episode felt very much like being dropped into a real middle school where everyone has some sort of drama playing out in their lives.

For instance, Shane tells Spike that he told his parents about Spike being pregnant. For a moment, Spike is proud of Shane for finally doing the right thing. Then, she finds out that Shane’s parents want to meet with Spike and her mother, which is something that neither Spike nor Shane are looking forward to dealing with. Shane also mentions that his father is a preacher. Even though the meeting doesn’t actually happen during this episode, I can already guess what’s probably going to happen when it does. It’s never a good sign when someone on Degrassi is a preacher’s kid.

Meanwhile, Stephanie is upset that Alexis is still wearing Stephanie’s old clothes and that she’s still dating Simon as result. At first, Alexis refuses to return Stephanie’s clothes but, after Alexis’s mom comes across them, Alexis is ordered to return them. An excited Stephanie changes back into her trampy clothes and smiles at Simon in the hallway and Simon totally ignores her. Ouch!

As for Stephanie’s former crush, Wheels is struggling in school and running the risk of being held back a grade. His parents have even declared that Wheels can no longer be the Zit Remedy’s bass player until his “marks” improve. With the support of Ms. Avery, Wheels gets his eyes checked and he gets a pair of glasses! (Those of you who know your Degrassi history know what an important moment this is. Those glasses — and eventually a mullet — would become Wheels’s trademark.) Wheels can now see but Joey and Snake aren’t sure if there’s ever been a rock star with glasses.

“What about John Lennon?” Wheels asks.

“Who?” Joey replies.

“Some 60s guy,” Snake explains.

(Did Canada ban the Beatles?)

With Wheels temporarily sidelined by his bad grades, Joey and Snake look for a substitute bassist and just happen to hear Simon playing a bass guitar. Simon may not have Wheels’s tragic past (and future) but he does have perfect eyesight.

Finally, in this episode’s main plot, Mr. Raditch is in the hospital so his homeroom gets a substitute teacher. Mr. Colby (Marcus Bruce) is dorky but likable, a youngish teacher who wears goofy sweaters and who encourages his students to think for themselves and who is extremely touchy-feely when it comes to Lucy. Lucy, who is still on probation for shop lifting and who is lonely since her best friend Voula moved away, at first appreciates Mr. Colby’s attention. She gets upset when L.D. (Amanda Cook) says that Mr. Colby is creepy.

“You’re just jealous!” Lucy snaps, despite the fact that L.D. is her new clothes-borrowing best friend.

“At least I’m not a shoplifter!” L.D. yells back.

(Ouch! Then again, maybe if L.D. was a shoplifter, she’d actually have some decent clothes of her own to wear.)

Eventually, Mr. Colby asks Lucy to stay after class. When he puts his hand on her back and whispers that she’s a very special student, Lucy realizes that L.D. was right! Fortunately, Wheels is standing on the other side of the door and, with his new super-vision, he sees what Mr. Colby is up to. Wheels steps into the classroom and says that he needs to get a book. Lucy takes advantage of the distraction to make her escape.

The next day, Mr. Colby passes Lucy in the hallway and tells her not to say anything about what happened before adding that, of course, nothing did happen. Lucy just misinterpreted his attempts to be friendly. What a creep! Wheels approaches Lucy and offers to testify on her behalf. Lucy smiles as the jarringly cheerful theme music starts up and the end credits roll.

That’s a nice ending for a well-done episode but again, it’s hard not to think about what’s going to happen in the future with all of these characters. Lucy and Wheels may be smiling now but, if you know the history of this show, you also know what’s going to happen after they graduate high school. Wheels is going drive drunk and, with Lucy in the car with him, end up crashing his car, killing a kid, and temporarily blinding and crippling Lucy. The future for Wheels is jail and the future for Lucy is years of painful physical rehab. Seriously, Degrassi Junior High is one dark show!

As for this episode, every woman has had to deal with a Mr. Colby at some point in their lives and I will admit to cringing whenever he placed his hands on Lucy’s shoulders while talking to her. I could relate to what Lucy was feeling all too well. Mr. Colby’s final declaration that he didn’t do anything wrong and that it was Lucy’s fault for misunderstanding him sounded all too familiar. Fortunately, Lucy had people in her life who were looking out for her and who had her back, like L.D. and Wheels. (As usual, Lucy’s parents were present only as voices on an answering machine.) Both Wheels and Mr. Colby said they wanted to help Lucy but Wheels was the only one who meant it.

Next week, Joey gets a new girlfriend and Arthur calls a sex therapist. That’s right …. it’s time for Dr. Sally!

Retro Television Review: The Night They Saved Christmas (dir by Jackie Cooper)

Posted on December 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1984’s The Night They Saved Christmas! It can be viewed on Tubi and YouTube.

The Night They Saved Christmas argues that there are two types of people in the world.

There are people who still believe in Santa Claus and all that he represents and then there are the people who gave up their belief a long time ago. Those who believe in Santa Claus are still full of the Christmas spirit and, under the right circumstances, they might even get to meet the elves and the jolly old man himself. Those who do not believe are destined to waste their holiday on focusing on material things that aren’t really important.

Petroleum engineer Michael Baldwin (Paul Le Mat) doesn’t believe in Santa Claus and that’s why he had no trouble moving his entire family to the North Pole so that they could freeze while he headed up an oil exploration project. Michael and his boss, billionaire Sumner Murdock (Mason Adams), are determined to find oil and they’ve got an endless supply of dynamite with which to search for it.

Michael’s wife, Claudia (Jaclyn Smith), still believes in the spirit of Santa and she encourages their children to believe as well. For that reason, Ed the Elf (played by singer Paul Williams), is willing to take Claudia and the kids to North Pole City. They get to meet Santa (Art Carney) and they even learn how Santa uses satellite technology to deliver presents all over the world. The city is really quite impressive, with the movie making good use of matte paintings and miniatures to create the impression of a magical metropolis. And Santa turns out to be a pretty nice guy, even if he does tell the elves that he’s sick of them singing Jingle Bells.

Unfortunately, North Pole City is in danger! Every day, the oil company’s dynamite causes a mini-earthquake. With the dynamiting getting closer and closer to North Pole City, Santa and the elves worry that they might be on the verge of getting blown up! Can Claudia and the kids convince Michael to stop blowing up huge chunks of the North Pole before Christmas is ruined!?

Well, listen — I don’t think it’s a spoiler for me to tell you that Christmas is not ruined. It would be pretty cynical for the movie to end with Michael blowing up Santa Claus and cynical is one thing that The Night They Saved Christmas is not. This is a very earnest film, full of cheery elves, a paternal Santa, and lots of Christmas music. Even greedy old Mr. Murdock turns out to be not that bad of a guy. In the end, this film says that Santa and the spirit of Christmas is for everyone and that’s certainly not a bad message. It’s a likeable movie for the holiday season and Art Carney is a perfect Santa Claus, even if he does appear to be a little underweight for the role. As played by Carney, Santa is welcoming, good-humored, and still enthusiastic about his job, even after centuries of doing it. He’s exactly the way you would want Santa to be. This is a film that earns the right to wish everyone a merry Christmas!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.12 “Skip to the Loo”

Posted on December 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

We’ve got a weird one tonight!

Episode 1.12 “Skip to the Loo”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on December 18th, 1985)

This episode opens with Howard feeling a bit concerned. As he explains to Edna, an old army buddy visited him the previous night. Mad Mike Mulroney climbed through Howard’s window with three dead Dobermans around his neck. Having just escaped from prison, Mad Mike asked Howard to do him a favor and give his son, Brandon, a job. Howard felt that he had to agree because Mad Mike saved Howard’s life while they were serving in Korea. Why, Howard cries, why did I let him do that!?

Brandon (Jeremy Ratchford) shows up and turns out to be as fearsome as his father. Howard suggests that Brandon fill in for bagboy Murray, who is on vacation. Brandon replies that he was hoping he could be a bouncer. Brandon then proceeds to literally toss a lot of people out of the store. Realizing that Brandon should not be on the sales floor, Howard suggests that Brandon spend the day in the meat locker where he can beat up the meat, Rocky Balboa-style.

Meanwhile, nerdy Herman Fastback (Howard Busgang) is trying to set the world record for skipping rope in the store. Unfortunately, the world record is 12 hours and Herman keeps getting distracted and having to start over. As well, Brandon keeps coming out the meat locker and taunting him.

When it’s time for the store to close, Christian agrees to spend the night in the store so that Herman can continue to set his record. The next morning, Christian wakes up in a shopping cart and discovers that all of the cash registers have been emptied and the employee locker room has been ransacked. Herman has disappeared and Brandon is dead in the meat locker! When Howard and Alf come to work, they surmise that Herman robbed the store and then killed Brandon.

No one is that upset about Brandon being dead. In fact, Howard doesn’t call the police and just leaves the body in the meat locker. But then Mad Dog (George Buza) shows up in full military gear and announces that he is just a few hours from heading to South America, where he plans to overthrow another country’s government. He tells Howard that he’s a mercenary and “I kill people for a living.” Mad Dog asks how Brandon is doing. It takes a while but eventually, Howard admits that Brandon is dead.

Mad Dog is not extremely upset about his son dying but he does request that Howard give him a funeral in the store. Realizing that Mad Dog will probably kill him otherwise, Howard agrees. He closes down the store and then Brandon’s frozen body is wheeled into the break room. Howard conducts a respectful funeral. Mad Dog is touched.

This episode was so strange that it was only during the end credits that I realized that Herman apparently got away with not only robbing the place but also killing Brandon. In fact, I don’t think Howard or anyone else at the store bothered to call the police about any of this. Instead, they just left Brandon in the meat locker. I’ve never worked in a grocery store so I have to admit that I’m not the expert on these things but I think leaving a corpse inside a storage area would have to be a health code violation of some sort.

It’s difficult to dislike anything that’s this cheerfully weird. This episode full embraced its own absurdity and, for that reason, it worked quite well. We’re about halfway through the first season of Check It Out! and the best episodes are definitely the weird ones.

Next week …. well, I don’t know what’s happening next week. Hopefully, they will have gotten Brandon’s body out of the store.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

Posted on December 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Julie gives birth and Woodman shares a story from his past!

Episode 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

After a recap of what happened in the previous episode (i.e., Julie went into labor and Barbarino was held back a grade), this episode picks up with the story already in progress. In other words, we don’t begin with any stories and jokes about Gabe’s family. Instead, we open with Barbarino checking Julie into the hospital.

While Julie is taken to the labor room, the admitting nurse asks Barbarino for some information.

“Name?” the nurse asks.

“Vinnie Barbarino,” Vinnie replies.

No, Vinnie! She wants Julie’s name and it turns out that Barbarino’s not sure. The nurse then asks, “What month?” When Barbarino struggles to remember the current date, the nurse clarifies, “How long has the mother been pregnant?”

“Who said my mother’s pregnant!?” Barbarino snaps, “I’ll break his face!”

This entire exchange reminds us of why Barbarino was left back. That said, John Travolta’s earnest delivery and vulnerable eyes makes it impossible not to feel at least a little love for Vinnie Barbarino.

Gabe shows up at the hospital, accompanied by the other Sweathogs. The rest of the episode is pretty much a collection of scenes of Gabe, the Sweathogs, and eventually Mr. Woodman saying and doing strange things while waiting for news about Julie. Yes, Mr. Woodman does show up. As he explains it, “I like to be around when a new delinquent is brought into the world.”

Seeing that Gabe is nervous, Woodman tells him a story about a time that Woodman “got a girl in trouble.” Woodman explains that he was dating a girl who was obsessed with feet so they naturally spent all of their time shopping for shoes. One night, while out on a date, they stopped by a shoe store and Woodman’s girlfriend fell for a shoe salesman who appreciated feet just as much as she did. They ran off together and one thing led to another.

Gabe points out that Woodman wasn’t the one who got the girl in trouble.

“I’m the one who took her to the shoe store,” Woodman explain.

Gabe considers Woodman’s words and then says, “Don’t ever tell that story again.”

Meanwhile, Horshack is scandalized to hear that Julie is in “the labor room.” “They’re making her work at a time like this!” Horshack declares.

Freddie steals some flowers from a guy who has kidney stones and gives them to Julie, explaining that she deserves the flowers more than some dude who “got his kidneys stoned.” When Julie’s doctor asks Freddie if he’s a relative, Freddie replies that “I’m the cousin they don’t talk about. I’m the …. white sheep on the family.”

As for Barbarino, he and Epstein try to figure out which train to take to get to Burma, which they assume is somewhere near the Bronx. Gabe says that he thinks that he can talk Woodman into letting Barbarino enter the 11th Grade. So, I guess that’s the end of that story.

Anyway, eventually, Gabe is informed that he’s the father of twin girls. TWINS! Gabe will have to double up on the jokes. Gabe goes to see Julie, who smiles beatifically because she now knows there will be someone else around to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Max.

This was an okay episode, in that every member of the cast got a chance to get some laughs and, unlike a lot of sitcom episodes featuring someone giving birth, the show avoided any cheap melodramatics. For me, the worst “birth” episode of any sitcom was the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory throws a fit because his mother has the nerve to go into labor on Valentine’s Day and ruin Cory’s plans with Topanga. Seriously, Cory Matthews was a little creep.

Next week: Julie’s parents come to visit!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 1.12 “Faith Healer”

Posted on December 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, David Cronenberg directs a story about a cursed glove.

Episode 1.12 “Faith Healer”

(Dir by David Cronenberg, originally aired on February 8th, 1988)

After being absent for the last few episodes, Jack has returned to the antique shop and he’s back just in time to investigate a faith healer named Stewart Fishoff (Miguel Fernandes).

Fishoff started his career as a phony evangelist, one who was exposed by one of Jack’s friends, Jerry Scott (Robert A. Silverman). However, Fishoff is back and now, it appears that he truly does have the power to heal the sick. Jack can’t help but notice that Fishoff is now wearing a white glove, one that was purchased from the store. The glove can take away someone’s illness but then it then passes on that illness to the next person that it touches. With Micki busy researching the store’s history and Ryan suffering from a cold, Jack pays a visit to Jerry to plot how to get back the glove.

The problem is that Jerry wants the glove for himself and he’s willing to kill not only Fishoff but also Jack to get it.

Faith Healer was directed by David Cronenberg, one of the many prominent Canadian horror filmmakers who directed an episode or two of this show. Not surprisingly, the episode is full of visually striking images, from Fishoff’s church and the member of his cult to the scenes of suddenly sickened skin erupting and then rotting away. Indeed, if you watched this episode and somehow missed the directorial credit, you would still be able to guess that it came from the mind of David Cronenberg. It’s full of moody Cronenbergian images and themes, as the rational skepticism of Jerry goes to war with the faith of Fishoff’s cult and both turn out to be equally destructive. A good deal of this episode focused on showing how both Fishoff and Jerry were seduced by the cursed glove and its promise of power. If you’ve ever wondered why everyone on this show is so quick to use the antiques for evil, this episode seems to suggest that the antiques are a bit like a powerful drug. Once you give in to the temptation, the addiction quickly follows.

This episode was well-acted by both Cronenberg regular Robert A. Silverman and Chris Wiggins. Silverman turns Jerry into a compelling villain, one who falls victim to the same dark magic that he previously made a career out of debunking. This episode ends with Jack in a particularly dark place and Chris Wiggins does a great job of capturing Jack’s disillusionment. As Jack points out, all of his friends are either evil or dead or both! This episode explores the pain that comes from both owning the antiques and tracking them down.

Next week: Micki and Ryan travel in time to pursue a vampire!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.10 “Conspiracy”

Posted on December 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T.S. goes up against his scariest opponent yet!

Episode 2.10 “Conspiracy”

(Dir by Robert Malenfant, originally aired on December 5th, 1988)

Two pre-teens, Paul (Michael Fantini) and Colby (Alan Fawcett), come across a million dollars hidden away in an apparently deserted warehouse. In slow motion, Paul throw the money into the air and declares that he and Colby are rich. Of course, Paul doesn’t stop to consider that the money is probably linked to something illegal and that it’s dangerous for him and his best friend to take it.

Soon, Paul and Colby are spending money all over the place. They buy new clothes. They buy new bicycles. Local store owner Bud (Charles Woods Gray) is concerned about the amount of money that Paul and Colby suddenly seem to have. He meets with his old friend, T.S. Turner, and asks Turner to talk to the boys.

Paul and Colby meet with Turner at Decker’s gym and Paul lies and says that the money came from his grandmother. He also says that he loaned Colby the money for Colby’s new bike. After the boys leave, Turner says that he knows that there is more to the story and that he’s going to investigate on his own. Turner invites Joe to investigate with him. It’s good to see that the show’s writers finally remembered that Turner and Amy basically adopted Joe at the start of the second season.

Turner is not the only one investigating. The counterfeiter who created the money wants to know who stole it. Birken (Martin Neufeld) may drive a car with a personalized license plate that reads “Rainbow” but he’s still a scary dude. He’s so dangerous that he doesn’t even wear a shirt half the time! No one is going to tell Birken what to do.

Eventually, Birken kidnaps Paul and ties him to a chair and threatens to suffocate him if he doesn’t help Birken get back his money. That leads to this rather disturbing sight:

The villains on T and T are usually fairly generic and forgettable but Birken is probably the scariest man in Canada. He’s certainly the first villain on this show to be just as intimidating at Mr. T. As soon as Birken shows up, the viewer has no doubt that he’s willing to kill anyone to get back his money. For once, the stakes on this show feels real.

Or, at least, they feel real until T.S. Turner shows up at Birken’s loft. (This is yet another episode where T.S. somehow manages to sneak into a building without being noticed.) When he confronts Birken, Birken attemps to show off his karate moves but T.S. takes him down with one punch.

It’s a bit of an anti-climatic ending, which is a shame because this was actually, by the standards of T and T, a pretty good episode. Birken was both memorable eccentric and genuinely menacing. Still, he was no match for T.S. Turner. No one stops Mr. T.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.13 “Another Song For Christmas”

Posted on December 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

It’s time for a Christmas episode!

Episode 1.13 “Another Song For Christmas”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on December 19th, 1984)

Oh, that Fast Eddie!

Played by the familiar character actor Geoffrey Lewis, Fast Eddie is a wealthy used car salesman. He knows how to turn on the charm. He knows how to close the sale. Fast Eddie may have grown up poor but now he’s rich and he’s determined to not sacrifice one cent. It’s the day before Christmas but Fast Eddie has no problem refusing to give money to charity. He has no problem ripping off an elderly couple looking for an affordable car. He has no problem firing Dave Ratchett (Jeff Doucette) when Dave refuses to roll back a car’s mileage. Fast Eddie doesn’t care that Dave’s son is sick and Fast Eddie certainly doesn’t care that it’s Christmas Eve. He even orders his butler (Ivor Barry) to work on Christmas Day.

Jonathan and Mark stop by Fast Eddie’s car lot but they don’t buy a car. They just observe Fast Eddie at work. After they leave, Mark watches as Jonathan has a brief conversation with Santa Claus (Don Beddoe). It turns out that, like Fast Eddie, Mark doesn’t really have the Christmas spirit. Jonathan suggests that Mark should re-read A Christmas Carol. Mark starts to read it but falls asleep after the first page.

Meanwhile, at his mansion, Fast Eddie also falls asleep but is soon awakened by Jonathan who takes him to the past and shows Eddie how his poor childhood led him to grow up to become overly obsessed with money. Mark then appears and shows Eddie what’s happening in the present. Eddie’s lawyers are trying to shut down a charity so that Eddie can buy their headquarters. Poor Dave Ratchett is having to explain to his family that he lost his job. Eddie is moved by the sight of Dave’s wheelchair-bound son, who will die unless he gets the operation that Dave will now never be able to afford. Finally, Jonathan takes him to the future and shows Eddie that no one will visit his grave after he dies.

Eddie wakes up infused with the spirit of Christmas and soon, he’s running around town and giving people, including Dave, all of his money and other gifts. Interestingly enough, Mark also wakes up and he tells Jonathan that he had a dream in which he was the Ghost of Christmas Present. Just like Eddie, Mark wakes up with a new appreciation for the Christmas holidays.

I’ve lost track of how many different version of A Christmas Carol that I’ve seen. The idea of turning Scrooge into a used car salesman is an interesting one and I liked the fact that Eddie and Mark apparently both had the same dream. This may be the only time in which one of the “ghosts” learned a lesson as well as Scrooge. That said, Geoffrey Lewis — who was good in so many different films — goes a bit overboard as Fast Eddie. He’s so desperate and twitchy that it’s easy to believe him as a used car salesman but not as a successful one.

Next week, Jonathan and Mark search for a missing friend.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.12 “The Tutor Who Came To Dinner”

Posted on December 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer gets some competition!

Episode 1.12 ‘The Tutor Who Came To Dinner”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on May 5th, 1984)

Concerned about Joey’s poor grades and the fact that he is always doing things like talking to no one and apparently playing ping pong by himself, George arranges for Joey to get a tutor.

At first, Joey is upset. He doesn’t want a tutor. As he explains it, he just got one D and it wasn’t even in an important class. But Joey changes his tune when Pam (Gail Edwards) arrives. Pam is supportive, enthusiastic, and always complimentary. She also always wears tight sweaters, which Jennifer quickly deduces is the main reason why Joey suddenly likes being tutored so much. Soon, Joey is asking his father if he believes that younger men should date older women.

Jennifer, however, does not trust Pam and it turns out that she’s absolutely right about Pam having a secret agenda. When Jennifer sees Pam walking through a closed door, she realizes that Pam is actually a ghost! Pam explains that the governing body of the spirit world has decided that Joey would be better off with a different ghost in his life so they’ve sent Pam to replace Jennifer.

This brings up a lot of questions. Jennifer Slept Here was never particularly consistent when it came to explaining why only Joey could see Jennifer or why Jennifer was even hanging around the house to begin with. Sometimes, Jennifer was portrayed as being a somewhat bratty ghost who just liked to play pranks on the people living in the house. Other times, Jennifer was portrayed as almost being a surrogate mother figure for Joey. That said, I think this is the first time that it’s actually been stated that Jennifer was specifically assigned to spend time with Joey. In fact, it almost sounds as if Jennifer is meant to be Joey’s guardian angel or something. So, why was Jennifer assigned to Joey? The simple solution was seem to be that it was because Joey and his family moved into Jennifer’s old house. But if Pam is going to be Joey’s new ghost than where is Jennifer supposed to go now? The implication is that Jennifer is going to have to leave but where is she supposed to go? And if Joey and his family ever move, does that mean Jennifer or Pam will automatically be assigned to whoever moves into the house next or would they be expected to travel with the family?

I know I’m overthinking all of this but to me, it is relevant as to why this show didn’t last, despite having two talented and likable leads. After twelve episodes, the show’s writers still hadn’t figured out just what exactly the true nature of Jennifer’s existence was. It’s not surprising that this led to a show that could be rather uneven.

Anyway, Joey pretends to be a messy brat in order to convince Pam that she doesn’t want to be his ghost. Pam seems right through Joey’s antics but she also realizes how much Joey and Jennifer care about each other so she agrees to leave. Continuity issues aside, this was a sweet episode. Joey really couldn’t ask for a better ghost friend.

Next week …. Jennifer Slept Here comes to an end!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.12 “Fools’ Gold”

Posted on December 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, a brave troll defends its treasure!

Episode 1.12 “Fools’ Gold”

(Dir by Greg Cannom, originally aired on January 21st, 1989)

Two constructions workers, Phil (Jeff Conaway) and Joe (T.J. Castronova), and their boss, Sherrie (Mary Cadorette), climb down into an underground tunnel. They’re expecting to find another construction worker who they believe is hiding in the tunnel. Instead, they discover the worker’s dead body and a gold coin.

Phil is super-excited about the gold and insists on exploring more of the tunnel. Joe and Sherrie stay behind while Phil explores. Joe talks about how, “in the old country,” his parents would tell him stories about faeries and goblins and trolls. Sherrie laughs and says that there’s no way Joe could actually believe in any of that.

Well, it’s actually a pretty good thing that Joe knows about trolls because there’s one in the tunnel! The troll (played, under a lot of makeup, by Debbie Lee Carrington) has hoarded all of the gold that it can find. According to Joe, trolls do this to trick people into entering their lair. Because trolls have a boiling hot blood, they can burn people just by touching them. Trolls are also vulnerable to sunlight and iron. That’s all Phil has to hear to decide that they should defeat the troll and try to steal the treasure for themselves.

The troll, however, is a bit more clever than the three of them realize. Not only is the troll a viscous attacker who can burn with one touch but the troll also has the ability to start an earthquake. When the troll does just that, Sherrie, Phil, and Joe find themselves trapped and fighting for their lives.

This episode featured three distinct human characters. Joe was good-hearted. Phil was greedy. Sherrie was somewhere in between. While Jeff Conaway overacted, both Mary Cadorette and T.J. Castronova gave adequate performances as Sherrie and Joe. That said, the definite star of this episode was the troll. Wisely, director Greg Cannom largely kept the troll in the shadows, which made it even more creepy as it ran around the tunnel. When the troll did attack, it was a genuinely frightening monster. What I liked is that the troll always moved quickly and ruthlessly. The troll wasn’t one of those slow monsters who show up in so many horror films. Instead, this troll was a predator, one that attacked quickly and showed no mercy. Seriously, no one watching this episode would want to run into that thing in a basement or anywhere else!

That said, this episode’s script was a bit underwhelming. The 20-minute runtime really doesn’t do Monsters any favors. This is an episode that would have benefitted from a longer run time and perhaps a somewhat darker ending. The humans were so unlikable that it was hard not to feel that they hadn’t earned a happy ending. I was Team Troll all the way.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 3.22 “Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven’t We Met Before?/Seoul Mates”

Posted on December 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is actually a pretty good one.

Episode 3.22 “Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven’t We Met Before?/Seoul Mates”

(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on February 9th, 1980)

This week’s episode opens with Gopher in a panic. His mother, Roz (Ethel Merman), is going to be on the cruise. It’s her first big trip after the death of Gopher’s father and Gopher wants her to have fun because she’s been so depressed. However, when Roz boards the ship, Gopher is stunned to see her laughing, singing, and hanging out with a male passenger named Lyle (Gene Rayburn). Roz seems so happy that Gopher starts to worry that she didn’t love his father.

Of course, the opposite is true. Roz is miserable but she doesn’t want Gopher to know how sad she’s feeling. She doesn’t want Gopher to worry about her and she also doesn’t want to make Gopher feel any worse about losing his father.

This storyline handled loss and sadness with an intelligence and a maturity that I don’t think most people would ever expect to see on the show like The Love Boat, with both Fred Grandy and Ethel Merman giving sensitive performances as two people struggling to come to terms with their grief. Gopher comes to realize that he’s been focusing on Roz’s grief so he’ll have an excuse to not think about his own and Roz comes to realize that she’s been doing the same thing to Gopher.

Now, of course, this is still The Love Boat so, of course, Roz ends up performing during the ship’s Passenger Talent Show. And, yes, Gopher doe show up at the last minute and, in order to let her know that he now understands her feelings, sings a duet with her. It’s a bit of goofy ending for an otherwise poignant story but, in its way, it definitely works. It’s a sweet scene.

The Gopher/Roz storyline is so poignant and so well-handled that it pretty much overshadows everything else that happens on the boat.

Korean comic Jimmy Kim (Johnny Yune) finds romance with a reporter named Kendall Park (Momo Yashima) but Kendall is offended by Jimmy’s act (which is full of jokes about life in Korea). However, after Roz talks about how much she enjoyed Jimmy’s humor, Kendall changes her mind and she and Jimmy leave the ship as a couple. This was an interesting story to watch and consider in the midst of our current, scolding, “That’s not funny” culture of 2023. If anything, it showed that debates about what one can or should joke about are hardly new to this century. But it just felt strange that it took a white woman appreciating Jimmy’s humor for Kendall to no longer be offended by jokes about Korea. If anything it would seem that Roz saying that she enjoyed hearing jokes about Korea would leave Kendall feeling even more offended by Jimmy’s act. I’m just glad that all of this didn’t lead to Captain Stubing doing his “I see you’ve been reading about your history” speech again.

Meanwhile, four blue collars friends board the ship. Three of them (played by the Hudson Brothers) announce that they’re going to pretend to be wealthy professionals. However, Paul Stockwood (Nicholas Hammond) announces that he is not going to pretend to be anything than the waiter that he is. That’s before Paul realizes that the wealthy Leila Stanhope (Haley Mills) is on the boat. Paul has waited on Leila several times at the Manhattan restaurant in which he works. When Leila tells Paul that he seems familiar, Paul lies and says that he’s a wealthy writer.

It all seems to be working well, until Paul decides to bring Leila breakfast. The sight of Paul carrying a tray of food is all it takes for Leila to remember who he is. At first, Paul calls Leila a snob and Leila calls Paul a liar. But then they fall in love anyway, which means that Paul will probably never have to work as a waiter again. Yay! Unfortunately, this storyline was hampered by the lack of chemistry between Nicholas Hammond and Hayley Mills. They were both attractive but they were also difficult to buy as a couple.

Even though two of the storylines were somewhat flawed, the story about Gopher and his mother elevated this entire episode and it made it one of the best episodes of The Love Boat that I’ve watched so far. This was a cruise to remember!