Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, Vicki is accused of corrupting a passenger!
Episode 6.23 “Vicki’s Dilemma/Discount Romance/Loser & Still Champ”
(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on March 5th, 1983)
Poor Vicki! Finally, someone her own age — Mark Hammond (Glenn Scarpelli) — boards the boat and he turns out to be a speed freak! In fact, he steals some amphetamines from Doc’s cabin. (For some reason, Doc didn’t lock the medicine cabinet. Y’know, people get fired for stuff like that….) When the speeding Mark collapses on deck, Vicki is the first to help him. And how does Mark thank her? By slipping the stolen pills into Vicki’s pocket!
Mark’s mom (Elinor Donahue) accuses Vicki of getting her son hooked on speed. Luckily, Mark has an attack of conscience and admits the truth. (“I was going to let you take the fall but….” Mark says.) Vicki and the Captain are surprisingly forgiving of Mark and his mom. If I was in Vicki’s shoes, I can’t say I’d be quite so gracious about it. Then again, I’ve been taking speed for ADD for most of my life so I would at least have an excuse for having the medicine.
Meanwhile, Gopher’s uncle (Red Buttons) boards the boat and starts selling watches out of his cabin. He’s such a good salesman that he almost puts the boat’s gift shop out of business! The owner of the gift shop is played by June Allyson and she’s not amused. She and Red Button still end up falling in love though.
Finally, passenger Tom Joseph (Patrick Wayne) feels threatened because he’s got a crush on another passenger (Ann Turkel) who is a tennis star and much more athletic to him. Every LoveBoat has at least one boring story and this week, it was Tom’s story.
This was an okay episode. Red Buttons and June Allyson were a cute old couple. I appreciated the Vicki storyline, if just because it was one of the few times that I’ve seen this show acknowledge that Vicki really doesn’t get to spend much time with people her own age. Captain Stubing confessed to worrying about whether or not life at sea was fair to Vicki and Gavin MacLeod delivered the lines with such sincerity that, for a few brief moments, The Love Boat became a serious drama.
Hey hey!! Before you read this, know that this isn’t the only review for The Longest Day. Lisa Marie also wrote about it. Read that first, and then double back here if you like.
With June 6th being the 81st Anniversary of D-Day, I decided to write about 1962’s The Longest Day, a film often discussed in my family, but surprisingly, I don’t recall ever fully watching it until today. I’ll try to get a hold of a hard copy of this in the future. The film is currently available to watch (with ads) on YouTube. This was a film my Aunt adored, as she liked seeing the Military come to the rescue in any situation (which happened often in most classic sci-fi films). This, They Died With Their Boots On, and All Quiet on the Western Front were films she raved about.
According to the National WWII Museum, “The Allies suffered over 10,300 total casualties (killed, wounded, or missing), of which approximately 2,400 were on Omaha Beach.” it was also an incredible offensive achievement, with nations gathering together to take the fight to a common enemy.
I don’t have a whole lot to say about this. As this is a film based on actual events (which takes some movie related liberties), I can’t complain or state I loved the “story”. As my boss at my Dayjob sometimes says, “It is what it is.” In terms of presentation, however, I highly recommend it. The film never really falters, nor does it give you too much time to relax. There’s a quiet tension with all of the characters you meet (all of the Allied ones, anyway), wondering if they may make it through by the end. If nothing else, watching it reminds one of the sacrifices made and the courage of anyone deciding to run head first into battle like that.
The film is epic in scope, with a runtime of 3 hours and an all star cast that includes Robert Mitchum (Cape Fear), Eddie Albert (Dreamscape), John Wayne (The Quiet Man), Henry Fonda (Once Upon a Time in the West) Curt Jurgens (The Spy Who Loved Me), Red Buttons and Roddy McDowall (who would later work together in The Poseidon Adventure), Richard Beymer (West Side Story), Frank Findlay (Lifeforce), Gert Frobe and Sean Connery (both two years shy of working together in Goldfinger), Richard Burton (Cleopatra) and Robert Ryan (The Wild Bunch) among others.
Much like 1970’s Tora!Tora!Tora! (which my Dad often talked about), there were multiple directors for The Longest Day. Bernhard Wiki captured the German scenes, Andrew Marton handled the American ones, and Ken Annakin handled both the English and French sequences. This is all brought together in a seamless and pretty amazing tapestry. Unlike Steven Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan, The Longest Day only covers the time leading up to and through the Omaha Beach assault, using the bulk of the film’s 3rd hour for the event. The entire film makes wonderful use of the time with all the alternate views, and by the time the first combat starts near the start of the 2nd hour, it continues to flow from interaction to interaction. There are also some wonderful arial shots over the battles, including an classic one shot that’s pretty marvelous given the time period.
The film takes place just before the invasion. American troops are already in the water on boats. Others are ready to parachute in. The French are ready to fight, waiting for the right phrase to hit the radio to put them into action. all are waiting to hear from the Britians on when the Allied Assault should begin. The weather isn’t optimal, but with the operation already delayed once before, President Eisenhower (Henry Grace) decides the 6th is the drop date. The Germans assume nothing will happen assaults are supposedly not done in harsh weather, but this proves to be quite the mistake.
It was wonderful to see everything come together. From the French sabotaging communications, to the strange comedy of soldier toting bagpipes to lead the Scottish into battle, or the Nuns who walked right through battle to save lives, it’s quite a sight to behold.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.
“Smiles, everyone, smiles!” It’s time for another two fantasies.
Episode 6.17 “King of Burlesque/Death Games”
(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 12th, 1983)
I’m going to deal with the first of this week’s fantasies very quickly because, quite frankly, it’s not every interesting. Rich Little is Tom Vail, a wall street accountant who wants to be a burlesque comedian. He gets his fantasy. He performs at the Fantasy Island Burlesque Revival. He wears a hideous suit with a big bowtie. He falls in love with a dancer. The always likable Red Buttons appears as a Burlesque veteran. It’s not a bad fantasy but it’s not terribly interesting.
Meanwhile, Vanessa Walgren (Joanna Pettet) has come to the Island to compete in the “First Annual Fantasy Island Pentathlon.” However, Mr. Roarke knows that she’s there for another reason. She wants to kill him! A year ago, Vanessa’s husband was lost at sea while on his own fantasy. (He wanted to retrace the route of the Kon Tiki.) Vanessa blames Roarke and she’s put a bounty on his head. Roarke sighs and says, “Fine, but if you don’t kill me by the end of the weekend, you have to leave the Island and never bother me again.” Vanessa agrees….
WHAT!? What type of vengeance is that!? Seriously, if you’re obsessed with vengeance, you don’t just shrug and accept an arbitrary rule from the person you’re trying to kill.
Anyway, Roarke is the judge for the Pentathlon so he’s got various athletes trying to kill him over the course of the entire weekend. He even gets cut during a fencing match! (“If you can bleed, you can die!” Vanessa declares in a wonderfully over-the-top moment.) Whenever anyone fails to kill him, Roarke says, “Get off my Island!,” which is rally cool. Tattoo wonders why Roarke is allowing this to happen. Why doesn’t Roarke order Vanessa to get off the Island. Roarke is all like, “I can’t tell you, just trust me.” The final event is a skydiving competition and I’m not really sure how you compete at that but whatever. Despite Vanessa’s efforts to sabotage his parachute, Roarke lands safely.
Vanessa then offers him two glasses of wine. One glass is poisoned! Can Roarke pick the right glass? Roarke is like, “Screw this,” and finally reveals that Vanessa’s husband is not dead. Instead, he’s a secret agent who had to fake his own death but who is now ready to be reunited with Vanessa….
Again, WHAT!? Seriously, that came out of nowhere.
Reunited with her husband, Vanessa apologizes for trying to murder Roarke. Roarke says it’s fine because Mr. Roarke is very forgiving.
The burlesque fantasy was boring (loved the costumes, though!) but the revenge fantasy made up for it. I love it when FantasyIsland embraces the melodrama. Plus, this fantasy actually gave Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize quite a bit to do. All in all, this was a good trip to the Island!
As much as I enjoy writing about movies and talking about movies, I make a living by helping people with their annual income tax filings. That means from around January 15th through April 15th each year, almost every waking hour is spent focused on tax return preparation. While I’m working on these tax returns, I will often play movies or TV shows on one of my computer screens. These aren’t just any movies, though. These are movies or TV shows that make me feel good and help me relax while I’m working so many hours. Over the years, I’ve used movies like THE OTHER GUYS, THE HANGOVER, and ZOMBIELAND. A few years ago, THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW was on Prime, and I watched the entire 8 seasons through 3 times during tax season. One genre I hit hard this time of year is romantic films, both comedies and dramas. The main thing I’m looking for is happy endings. My favorite romantic films include NOTTING HILL, RETURN TO ME, HITCH, YOU’VE GOT MAIL, PERSUASION & SENSE AND SENSIBILITY. As a big fan of Nicolas Cage, IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU, Cage’s 1994 romantic comedy with Bridget Fonda has joined that list over the years as well. Since today, January 7th, 2025, is Nicolas Cage’s 61st birthday, and tax season is coming, I thought I’d write about this charming film!
IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU revolves around Charlie Lang (Nicolas Cage), a New York City cop who seems like an all-around good guy. One day he’s having coffee at a local diner with his partner Bo (Wendell Pierce), when they get a police call. Charlie finds himself without the money to give a proper tip to his waitress, Yvonne (Bridget Fonda), so he improvises on the spot and tells her he has a lottery ticket to be drawn on that very same night. Further, he goes on to tell her if he wins, he’ll split the winnings with her as a tip. The two cops head on out, Charlie happy that he gave her something, and Yvonne, who’s not having a good day anyway, just shakes it off knowing that it’s just another small tip she missed out on. But wouldn’t you know it, on this night the stars all align and Charlie’s number is drawn as a winner. Charlie and his wife Muriel (Rosie Perez) are ecstatic with their win, which amounts to around $4 million. In the middle of their celebration, Charlie remembers his promise to Yvonne and tells Muriel. To say she’s upset is an understatement, and she begs him to stiff the waitress. Charlie is just too honest for that, so he is able to convince Muriel that $2 Million is enough for them to live comfortably on. She begrudgingly agrees, but the fuse has been lit between Charlie and Muriel. The next day, Charlie goes back to the diner and tells Yvonne that they won. At first not believing it’s true, Charlie is able to convince Yvonne that he’s honoring his tip by giving her half of the winnings. We have found out that Yvonne is having severe financial problems, and this “tip” comes as a completely unexpected answer to her prayers. Alls well that ends well, right? As we all know, money can bring out the very best or the very worst in people and we see that play out throughout the rest of the movie. I’ll just put it this way, as Charlie and Muriel grow apart with their newfound money, Charlie and Yvonne grow closer together, bound by this amazing experience.
It’s all a pretty crazy setup, but IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU is a movie that I relate to idealistically. I really like Cage and Fonda in their roles. I’d love to be as honest and likable as Nicolas Cage’s character Charlie Lang. He is just a good guy, way down deep. I want to be that kind of guy. And Bridget Fonda’s character Yvonne is also very appealing. She’s presented as a lady going through a lot of personal issues, but who somehow seems to always show a kind and compassionate spirit to everyone around her, especially to others who are struggling. The scene where Charlie convinces her that he really is giving her half the money is quite an uplifting scene. Both of these characters have an honesty and attitude about life that resonates with me. Some people might argue that their characters should have more depth to make them more realistic and less one-dimensional, and they might be right, but I personally enjoy seeing them as just really honest and kind people.
It should also be pointed out that you have to be able suspend your disbelief to enjoy IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. If your movies “have” to be realistic, this is not the movie for you. The entire premise is a fairytale, and the movie should be seen as such. For the movie to work, the good guys have to be really good guys, and the bad guys have to be really bad guys. I’ve mentioned earlier how kind both Charlie and Yvonne are throughout the film, with the money not changing their attitudes about life in any way. If anything, the money allows them to be even more kind and generous to others. Well, money has had the exact opposite effect on Muriel, and we soon learn that $2 Million isn’t enough for her and that the full $4 Million would not have been enough either. At this point, I’m not sure $100 Million would have been enough. In our fairytale story, she can’t be presented as a lady realistically struggling with her husband’s overly generous tip, she has to be presented as extremely selfish and cruel. I mean, how else is the story going to get Charlie and Yvonne together?!
All in all, IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU works for me. I’ve said many times I’m a sucker for a good romance, and this film fits the bill for me. The main characters warm my heart as they are decent, kind and honest. I like a good fairytale. It’s one of the main reasons I enjoy the movies, and it doesn’t seem like we get enough good fairytales these days.
Check out the trailer for IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU below!
And if you’re looking for more awesome information about Nicolas Cage, check out John Rieber’s latest post where he celebrates Cage’s birthday with a movie marathon!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, Doc Bricker gets his moment in the spotlight.
Episode 3.16 “Making The Grade/The Gift/Doc’s “Ex” Change
(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on December 15th, 1979)
Since the very first episode of The Love Boat, viewers have continually been told that Doctor Adam Bricker is a notorious swinger, a lothario was has been married numerous times and to whom almost every woman is immediately attracted. There’s really not much about Bernie Kopell’s likable but rather mild-mannered performance as Doc that would lead anyone to think that any of that would be true but the show insists that Dr. Bricker is a legend of the high seas.
On this week’s episode, Doc’s most recent wife, Samantha (Juliet Prowse), boards the ship. She and Doc split up a few years ago and they have a friendly relationship. However, when Samantha informs Doc that her crooked lawyer never actually filed their divorce papers, Doc realizes that they are technically still married! Will they get a quickie divorce in Mexico (which is Doc’s first idea) or will the give marriage another try? (That’s Doc’s second idea.) In the end, they realize that they are just too different to make a marriage work. Samantha is smart and practical, while Doc is …. well, actually, Doc is the exact same way. Doc insists that he and Samantha don’t have much in common but actually, they have a lot in common. I think Doc is kind of fooling himself into thinking that he’s more of an impulsive wild man than he really is. Anyway, at the end of the cruise, they decide to get divorced but at least they still like each other. Doc never quit gets his heart broken like the rest of the cast does. I guess that’s why he’s a legend.
Meanwhile, Vicki finally gets someone her own age to hang out with when Danny Harris (Johnny Timko) boards with his mother, Madeline (Jessica Walter). Unfortunately, Danny is also kind of a spoiled brat and he’s really not happy when he discovers that his teacher, John Hurley (Dick Gautier), is also on board. And then Danny is even more upset when John starts to romance Madeline. And really, Danny has a point. No one wants to see their teacher (or their boss) while they are on vacation. And seriously, no one wants to deal with the idea of their teacher (or, again, their boss) suddenly becoming their stepfather. That said, Danny eventually makes peace with the idea of his mom dating his teacher and everyone leaves the boat happy.
The final storyline features one of those plots that drives me crazy, because it could have easily been resolved by everyone not acting like an idiot. Buddy Redmond (Red Buttons) boards the boat with his wife, Joan (Kaye Ballard). Buddy claims that it’s been years since he last gambled but actually, he’s lying. He has $2,000 in his suit pocket, money that he got from his bookie. Joan doesn’t know about it. When Joan hears that two other passengers, Benny Carter (frequent Love Boat guest star Sonny Bono) and Sally (Ronee Blakely), have lost their luggage, she donates Buddy’s jacket so that Benny will have something to wear at dinner. When the envelope containing the money falls out of the jacket, Benny and Sally think that all of their financial problems have been solved. Meanwhile, Buddy desperately wants to get back both the jacket and the money but he doesn’t want his wife to find out why. Meanwhile, Benny and Sally need the money but they don’t want to steal it if it actually did fall out the jacket so they try to convince themselves that the envelope could have been left in their cabin by a previous passenger who is no longer on the boat. Seriously, it’s exhausting to try to keep up with these people. Fortunately, once Buddy discovers that Benny and Sally really need the money, he lets them keep it. Joan is so touched that she totally forgets about the fact that her husband is apparently still a degenerate gambler.
Even by Love Boat standards, this was a silly episode. At the same time, it was a pleasant diversion. Juliet Prowse and Bernie Kopell made a nice couple, even if you never quite bought the idea of Doc being a playboy. Red Buttons wisely underplayed his role and therefore, Buddy remained sympathetic even while demanding the return of his jacket. Even Sonny Bono and Ronee Blakely were likable as a nice couple who found themselves in over their heads. This cruise was silly but pleasant.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Smiles, everyone, smiles! This week, we visit the other side of the Island.
Episode 2.23 “Cornelius and Alphonse/The Choice”
(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on May 6th, 1979)
This was a bit of an odd episode.
First off, the official title of the show, for this episode, was Fantasy Island Sunday Special. Usually, Fantasy Island aired on Saturdays. This episode, as you can guess by the title, aired on a Sunday. Secondly, this episode does away with both the plane and Tattoo’s signature cry of “Da Plane Da Plane,” and instead has the guests arrive on the island in a hot air balloon. Tattoo (who is once again seen driving his little car, so I guess he finally recovered it after it was stolen earlier in the season) and Mr. Roarke are joined by a second assistant, Cindy (Kimberly Beck, who readers of this site will probably recognize as the likable lead in films like Massacre at Central High and Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter). At one point, Roarke says that “Cindy helps me on this side of the Island.” If nothing else, this episode confirms that Roarke has multiple assistants and the Island is really, really big.
Actually, it’s a good thing that Cindy is there because Cornelius (Red Buttons) and Alphonse (Billy Barty) have kidnapped Tattoo! Cornelius is a former employee of the Island but he was fired for stealing. When he returns to the Island, he says that his fantasy is to just have a pleasant holiday with his friend Alphonse. However, Cornelius’s real fantasy is to get revenge on Mr. Roarke by abducting Tattoo and holding him for ransom!
Of course, anyone who has been paying attention to the show up to this point knows that Cornelius and Alphonse have made a mistake. Mr. Roarke and Tattoo obviously loathe each other. When Mr. Roarke finds out that Tattoo is being held captive in a conveniently deserted castle, he doesn’t really seem that concerned about it. And Tattoo turns out to be such a disruptive presence that Cornelius is soon begging Roarke to take him back. In the end, Roarke demands money to take Tattoo off of their hands and Cornelius and Alphone end up paying off their debt by working in Fantasy Island’s kitchen. Tattoo is amused by the whole thing, despite the fact that Mr, Roarke was essentially willing to let him die.
Meanwhile, two orphans (Kyle Richards and Michael Anderson, Jr.) are given a chance to pick their new parents. They spend time with two sets of prospective parents. (One of the potential fathers is a magician played by a youngish Regis Philbin.) From the start of the fantasy, it’s pretty obvious that they’re going to ask to be adopted by Ruth (Juliet Mills), the head of the adoption agency. And that’s exactly what happens. The episode ends with Ruth and the children boarding a hot air balloon and flying all the way back to America.
As I said, this was a bit of a weird episode, with a new assistant and a hot air balloon. “The other side of the Island” looks a like a theme park. This episode was obviously designed to appeal to children and, for what it’s worth, the IMDb trivia section states that this episode was meant to be a “backdoor pilot” for a version of Fantasy Island that would appeal to children. (I assume Cindy would have been the main character.) Unfortunately, the kidnapping humor is a bit too broad and the adoption storyline is a bit too predictable. Hopefully, next week’s episode will take place on the adult side of the Island.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Things get a bit icky this week. Ugh!
Episode 2.5 “Julie’s Aunt/Where Is It Written?/The Big Deal”
(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on October 14th, 1978)
How icky can one cruise get?
Well, consider this. On this week’s episode of The Love Boat, Captain Stubing’s uncle (Red Buttons) is a passenger on the boat. Uncle Cyrus decides that he likes Julie. How does he express how much he likes Julie? He invites her to his cabin and then lunges at her and starts kissing her. Julie runs out of the cabin and Uncle Cyrus chases her through the corridors of the boat. Once Julie does get away from him, she tells Doc and Gopher about what happened. Doc and Gopher both think that it’s funny.
(Uhmm, guys, this isn’t some old guy with a crush. This is someone who invited the cruise director to his cabin …. AND ATTACKED HER!)
Everyone agrees that Julie should just try to avoid Cyrus and that she should not tell the Captain about what happened. Unfortunately, because Uncle Cyrus told the Captain about how much he enjoys Julie’s company, Stubing insists that Julie spend as much time as possible with Uncle Cyrus. Every time that Julie goes down to his cabin, Cyrus grabs her and starts kissing her. Scene after scene, Julie has to push Cyrus off of her so that she can escape, screaming, into the hallway.
Finally, realizing that she can’t go on like this, Julie realizes that she has to do something, even if both Doc Bricker and Gopher refuse to take the situation seriously. Out of the three choice below, which do you think she goes with?
Call the police
Tell Captain Stubing and demand that he call the police
Have Gopher dress up like a woman and pretend to be a member of the police
If you picked number three, you could have been a writer for The Love Boat!
Ugh! I hated everything about this storyline!
I wasn’t a fan of the other two storylines as well. The first featured Hope Lange as Sandra Newberry, the wife of publisher Alfred Newberry (Gene Barry). She is upset to discover that Alfred has invited a Norman Maileresque writer named Mark Littlejohn (Richard Mulligan) to accompany them on the cruise. Alfred wants Mark to hurry up and finish the final chapter of his autobiography. Make wants to steal Sandra away. In the end, Alfred and Mark get into a fight. They’re too clumsy to actually hit each other but they do manage to knock out Captain Stubing. Again, you would think that this would be the sort of thing that would eventually involve the police but instead Stubing just accepts a payment that will come from the royalties of Mark’s book. Whatever. Go deal with your uncle, Captain.
Finally, Martin Scott (Allen Ludden) is a businessman who is selling his business to Brad Collins (Sam Groom). Martin’s daughter, Allison (Mackenzie Phillips), feels like she has to date Brad even though she’s actually in love with a musician named Jim Warren (Erik Estrada). It was hard not to feel that, intentionally or not, Martin was basically pimping out his daughter. Again, it was just icky.
This was not a fun cruise. Hopefully, next week will be better.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Mr. Roarke falls in love!
Episode 2.9 “Return/The Toughest Man Alive”
(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)
As usual, this episode of Fantasy Island starts out with a little Tattoo drama. After announcing the arrival of the plane, Tattoo informs Mr. Roarke that someone has stolen Tattoo’s car. Mr. Roarke has his doubts that anyone would steal a car on Fantasy Island but Tattoo points out that his designated parking space is empty.
Mr. Roarke informs Tattoo that he must be mistaken and that his car will eventually show up. And yes, the car does eventually show up. About halfway through the episode, two chimpanzees drive by in it. It’s a bizarre little scene, one that is neither explained nor really resolved at the end of the episode. I guess the chimpanzees just decided that they liked Tattoo’s car. To be honest, this entire plotline made me feel bad for Herve Villechaize as the joke’s punch line seemed to be that Herve was so small that even a chimpanzee could drive his car. From what I’ve read. Villechaize was often times not happy on the set of FantasyIsland and I imagine that jokes like that undoubtedly had something to do with it.
But enough about Tattoo’s car! It’s time to learn who is having a fantasy this week!
Usually, the show’s fantasies are thematically connected but that’s not the case this week. Indeed, neither one of the fantasies seems to go with the other and I actually found myself wondering if maybe the two fantasies had been meant for different episodes but, for whatever reason, were instead edited into this episode.
The first fantasy involves Samantha Eggar as a fashion designer who returns to Fantasy Island after having previously visited four years ago. During her first visit, Eggar’s fantasy was to become a designer and to fall in love. While she became a designer, she did not end up with the man of her dreams so Roarke is giving her a second chance. The twist is that she’s in love with Mr. Roarke! And Roarke is in love with her! To Tattoo’s shock, the two of them plan to get married on the Island. But then, the designer realizes that she has responsibilities in the real world and apparently, marrying Mr. Roarke means staying on the Island. So, the marriage is called off. Mr. Roarke’s heart is broken …. or is it? As I watched the episode, I found myself wondering if Mr. Roarke really loved her or if he was just giving her a chance to have her fantasy. Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic performance kept things ambiguous.
One thing that bothered me about this fantasy is that Mr. Roarke potentially getting married felt like a pretty big plotline to be confined to just half of a one-hour show. It seemed like this should have been a special episode with just one fantasy. Instead, because there’s a second fantasy, there’s several odd scenes of Roarke taking a break from planning his wedding so that he can encourage Red Buttons to defeat a bunch of pirates. Buttons is cast as an engineer who wants to be a hero in the style of Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson. Roarke gives him super-strength, which is not something that Eastwood or Bronson ever had. But whatever! Buttons is recruited to protect a bunch of islanders from some pirates. But Roarke abruptly takes away Buttons’s super strength and, instead, Buttons has to use his engineering knowledge to defeat the pirates. It’s kind of silly, to be honest.
This episode raised a lot of questions about the nature of the Island and Roarke himself. Mr. Roarke rules over the island and apparently, he has to remain on the Island. But, at the same time, he apparently can’t be bothered to stop a bunch of pirates from harassing the native’s inhabitants and instead, he gives temporary super strength to an otherwise meek engineer. Maybe the engineer could have gotten Tattoo’s car away from those chimpanzees. While all of this is going on, Roarke also ends up falling in love with a mortal who never stops to ask, “Hey, are you an angel or something?” It’s an odd episode and a vaguely disappointing one, as neither one of the stories is that deeply explored.
Last night, I watched one of the greatest movies of all time, Viva Knievel!
Viva Knievel! starts with the real-life, motorcycle-riding daredevil Evel Knievel breaking into an orphanage in the middle of the night, waking up all the children, and giving each of them their own Evel Knievel action figure. When one of the kids says, “You actually came!,” Evel replies that he always keeps his word. Another one of the orphans then throws away his crutches as he announced that he can walk again!
From there, Viva Knievel! only gets better as Evel preaches against drug use, helps his alcoholic mechanic (Gene Kelly) bond with his son, and flirts with a glamorous photojournalist (Lauren Hutton). Evel was married at the time that Viva Knievel! was produced but his wife and family go unmentioned as Evel, Kelly, and Hutton travel through Mexico, jumping over fire pits, and battling drug dealers.
Evel’s former protegee, Jessie (former child evangelist Marjoe Gortner), has fallen in with a bad crowd and gotten messed up on the same drugs that Evel spends the entire movie preaching against. An evil drug trafficker (Leslie Nielsen, a few years before Airplane! and The Naked Gun) pressures Jessie to convince Evel to do a dangerous stunt. The plot is to replace Evel’s trusted mechanic with a crooked mechanic (Cameron Mitchell) who will sabotage the jump. When Evel dies, he will be shipped back to the U.S. in a coffin and, hidden within the walls of the coffin, will be several kilos of cocaine. Oh, the irony! Evel Knievel, America’s number one spokesman against drugs, will be responsible for bringing them into the United States! Can Evel thwart the nefarious plans of Leslie Nielsen while still finding time to fall in love with Lauren Hutton and break Gene Kelly out of a psychiatric ward? If anyone can do it, Evel can.
Even Dabney Coleman’s in this movie!
From the start, Viva Knievel! is a vanity project but in the best, most loony and entertaining way possible. There are many well-known actors in this film and all of them take a backseat to Evel Knievel, whom they all speak of as if he’s a cross between Gary Cooper and Jesus Christ. Watching this movie, you learn three things: 1) Evel Knievel was high on life but not dope, 2) Evel Knievel always kept his word, and 3) Evel Knievel always wore his helmet. He even makes sure that Lauren Hutton is wearing one before he takes her for a spin on his motorcycle. You also learn that Evel Knievel liked to get paid. He nearly beats up his manager (Red Buttons) when he thinks that he’s been cheated but they’re still friends afterwards because how could anyone turn down a chance to be in Evel’s presence?
There are plenty of stunts and jumps to be seen in Viva Knievel!, though watching Leslie Nielsen play a villain is almost as fun as watching Evel jump over a fire pit. Judging from his performance here, Evel Knievel probably could have had a film career. He had a natural screen presence and delivered even the worst dialogue with sincerity. Unfortunately, three months after Viva Knievel! opened in the United States, Evel attacked a promoter with an aluminum baseball bat and ended up doing 6 months in jail. Evel said it was because the promoter was spreading lies about him but, regardless, Evel lost most of his sponsorships and his toyline was discontinued. Viva Knievel! sunk into an obscurity from which it has only recently reemerged. Viva Knievel! is cheesy fun, a relic of a bygone era. Watch it, think about whatever problems you may be dealing with in your own life, and then ask yourself, “What would Evel do?”
Although 1970’s AIRPORT is generally credited as the first “disaster movie”, it was 1972’s THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE that made the biggest splash for the genre. Producer Irwin Allen loaded up his cast with five- count ’em!- Academy Award winners, including the previous year’s winner Gene Hackman (THE FRENCH CONNECTION ). The special effects laden extravaganza wound up nominated for 9 Oscars, winning 2, and was the second highest grossing film of the year, behind only THE GODFATHER!
And unlike many of the “disasters” that followed in its wake, THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE holds up surprisingly well. The story serves as an instruction manual for all disaster movies to come. First, introduce your premise: The S.S. Poseidon is sailing on its final voyage, and Captain Leslie Nielsen is ordered by the new ownership to go full steam ahead, despite the ship no longer being in ship-shape. (You won’t be able to take…
Through the Shattered Lens 