Cleaning Out The DVR: Killer Body (dir by David I. Strasser)

Posted on January 3, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(I recorded Killer Body off of Lifetime on December 30th.)

Oh my God, this was a great movie!

Okay, so check this out. Once upon a time, there was a medical student named Elizabeth (Lindsay Maxwell) who felt like she was being shunned and ignored by her classmates. She had a crush on a doctor named Chris (Peter Benson) but Chris was in love with Katie Jones (Sunny Mabrey), Eventually, Elizabeth ended up having a total melt down and was forced to drop out of medical school. Elizabeth become obsessed with plastic surgery, hoping to make herself look perfect (which, in this case, meant looking more and more like Katie). Now going by the name Liz Oakley, she goes from doctor to doctor, getting work done and then suing them for malpractice. And if she can’t get your medical license taken away, she’ll just spray you with poison perfume. Seriously, this film features 4 separate attacks by toxic perfume.

One day, Liz shows up at Katie’s office and, until Liz introduced herself, Katie doesn’t even recognize her. Liz wants some minor work done and she claims that she’s been referred by one of Katie’s colleagues. Of course, Liz soon proves herself to be just as unstable as you might expect someone who regularly murders people to be. Soon, all Katie’s like, “I don’t want you as my patient anymore,” and Liz is like, “Fine, I’ll just destroy your life.”

Soon, Liz is showing up on a college campus and making a seriously awkward attempt to befriend Liz’s daughter. Katie and Chris (whose brilliant medical career has been brought to an end by a stroke) take out a restraining order but there’s nothing in that order that can stop Liz from going to another, less ethical plastic surgeon and having more work done in her quest to be perfect and to look more like Katie. Of course, when the surgery results in Liz having a barely noticeable scar on her chin, it’s not a good thing…

Obviously, the success of a film like this pretty much hinges on the actress who is cast as the stalker/psycho character and fortunately, Liz is played by Lindsay Maxwell. Maxwell turns Liz into a force of uncontrollable, narcissistic nature and one of the more entertaining aspects of the film is watching as Liz goes from smiling to screaming in just a matter of seconds. On the one hand, Liz is a complete psycho but, on the other hand, who hasn’t wanted to be perfect and who hasn’t, at least once, thought about they would do to achieve that perfection? Maxwell wisely adds just a bit of vulnerability to the character, making Liz a psycho to whom you can relate. Sunny Mabrey and Peter Benson also contribute good performance but ultimately, the film is dominated by Lindsay Maxwell and her bottle of killer perfume.

Killer Body was a killer melodrama, exactly the type of movie that we watch Lifetime to see. Between the murders and the intrigue and the attempts to fool Chris into committing adultery, this was a wonderfully entertaining look at just how far people will go to achieve perfection.

Insomnia File #23: Death Do Us Part (dir by Nicholas Humphries)

Posted on March 7, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep around one in the morning on March 7th, you could have watched the 2012 horror film, Death Do Us Part, on Showtime.

I don’t know if it would have helped you get to sleep though. Death Do Us Part is one of those films where the entire cast spends a lot of time screaming. I couldn’t tell you much about who all of the characters were meant to be, as they all kind of blended together (especially the male characters), but, if need be, I could identify all of their screams.

Of course, it takes a while for the screaming to get started. Death Do Us Part takes its time getting to the mayhem. It tells the story of a rich girl named Kennedy (Julia Benson) who has a history of mental instability and who is marrying Ryan Harris (Peter Benson). Kennedy enjoys posing in her wedding dress, popping pills, and nervously smiling. Life seems to be perfect for her! But, as often seems to happen in these movies, Ryan is also having the occasional quickie with Kennedy’s sister, Hannah (Christine Catelain). Kennedy’s best friend, Emily (Emilie Ullerup), happens to see Hannah and Ryan doing it in the woods. Emily gets a slightly crazy look in her eyes as she watches.

(Then again, at some point in this movie, everyone has a crazy look in their eyes.)

Kennedy, Ryan, Hannah, Emily, and a couple of guys who aren’t that important are spending the weekend in a cabin in the woods. The cabin comes with its own pervy caretaker. If I ever spend the weekend at a cabin in the woods, I’m going to specifically ask for a cabin that doesn’t come with a caretaker. Judging from the movies that I’ve seen, those dudes are always bad news.

ANYWAY — it takes a while but eventually, people start dying. In fact, once people start dying, the movie suddenly picks up the pace. Before you know it, everyone’s running around in the woods and getting killed and screaming. Seriously, there’s lots and lots of screaming.

Up until the last fifteen minutes, I was ready to dismiss Death Do Us Part as just another low-budget attempt at horror but I actually did like the chaos of everyone running around in the woods. Don’t get me wrong. The movie takes way too long to get going and the characters are so generic that you really don’t care whether they’re dead or not. But I did appreciate the fact that, when confronted by a murderous maniac, the majority of the characters reacted the way that I would have reacted. They started running around, screaming their heads off, and ultimately, they just made things worse. It was a nice change from the usual movie technique of having one of the characters suddenly turn out to be a hyper competent survival machine.

There is a twist but you’ll see it coming from a mile away. That said, the final few shots of the film were enjoyably surreal in only the way that a bloody wedding dress can be.

(Speaking of wedding dresses, I loved the one in this film. Way to go, Kennedy!)

Anyway, I can’t really recommend Death Do Us Part because it takes too long to get going and the characters are way too generic. But, I did like the final fourth of the film and I may have found my future wedding dress!

All in all, not a bad way to handle insomnia.

Previous Insomnia Files:

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #20: I Didn’t Kill My Sister (dir by Jason Bourque)

Posted on July 6, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 10th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

“And now, for tonight’s top story, we go to Lois Summer, on assignment in Richardson, Texas.”

“Thank you, Mason. For the past week and a half, one red-haired film critic has been attempting what some people would call the impossible. Lisa Marie Bowman is trying to clean out her DVR by watching the 40 movies that she recorded between March and June. She just finished rewatching the 20th film on her DVR, I Didn’t Kill My Sister.”

“Now, Lois, for our viewers who may not know, what exactly is a DVR?”

“Get with the times, Mason. According to Ms. Bowman, she watched I Didn’t Kill My Sister when it originally premiered on Lifetime. The date was May 14th and she says that she specifically watched the film with her sister, Erin. Ms. Bowman says that both she and her sister enjoyed the film the first that they watched it.”

“Did she say how she felt about the film the second time she saw it…?”

“Dammit, I’m getting there, Mason. Ms. Bowman says that I Didn’t Kill My Sister was just as enjoyable the second time that she watched it. In fact, she said that it is a very entertaining murder mystery, one that almost feels like an old-fashioned whodunit. She described the film as being stylish without being gaudy and melodramatic in the best possible way.”

“Is there really a good way to be melodramatic?”

“According to Ms. Bowman, there is. For the rest of her review, we now go directly to Lisa Marie Bowman…”

Hi, everyone! Lisa here. Anyway, as Lois was just saying, I enjoyed I Didn’t Kill My Sister both times that I watched it. It’s a fun Lifetime murder mystery, one of those things that works best when you just relax, sit back, and let yourself be entertained. If you like Lifetime movies, you’ll like this one!

The film tells the story of two sisters. Carmen Pearson (Gina Holden) is a publicly beloved and privately loathed local celebrity. She co-anchors City View with her husband, Mason (Chris William Martin). She has a beautiful house, a nice pool, and great hair. She also has a rebellious teenage daughter (Sarah Desjardins) and a sister named Heather (Nicholle Tom). Heather would love to have Carmen’s life but, instead, she’s stuck working as her sister’s private assistant.

(One of the best things about the film is the way that it contrasts Carmen’s mansion — complete with luxurious pool — with Heather’s cluttered, one-story house.)

However, Carmen’s life is not perfect. She’s in the middle of a nasty divorce and Mason even seems to be flirting with her sister. When her daughter screams, “I HATE YOU!!!,” she sounds like she actually means it. And, of course, there’s the ambitious reporter (Dominika Jullet) who wants her job and the lawyer (Ona Grauer) who may have an agenda of her own. When Carmen is discovered floating face down in her pool, everyone’s a suspect!

Including Heather!

Heather knows she’s innocent but the detective (Sharon Taylor) in charge of the case seems to feel otherwise. Can Heather solve her sister’s murder before she ends up getting arrested!?

I Didn’t Kill My Sister is a fun, little whodunit. Gina Holden has a lot of fun being bitchy during the first 15 minutes of the film and Chris William Martin is brilliantly sleazy in the role of Mason. Watch it the next time that it’s on and see if you can solve the mystery before Heather does!

Back to you, Lois.

“Back to you, Mason.”

“Thank you, Lois. How much fun is a barrel of monkeys? That’s what a truck driver discovered today while making a delivery to the San Diego Zoo. That story and Newy Scruggs with sports, next…”

Adventures in Cleaning Out The DVR: The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 92010 Story (dir by Vanessa Parise) and The Unauthorized Melrose Place Story (dir by Mark Griffiths)

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, it’s finally done! A week ago, I started the process of cleaning out my DVR. I’ve lost track of how many movies that I have watched and reviewed. And now, finally, I can say that I have finally reached a stopping point. When I started this process, I only had 5 hours of space left on my DVR. I now have 48 hours of space.

I’m reviewing my final two “DVR” films in one post because they really do go together. But before I get to the review, here’s a little background. Lifetime now has it’s very own version of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. True, it hasn’t proven as popular as the MCU nor have any of the films been as critically acclaimed as Guardians of the Galaxy or the first Avengers. But, all the same, these four Lifetime films share a common continuity. Call it the Lifetime Cinematic Universe. LCU for short.

I’m talking, of course, about the Unauthorized films. In these films, Lifetime takes us behind the scenes of an iconic old television show. The first of these films was the absolutely terrible The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story. Then, earlier this year, we got the not-terrible-but-extremely-forgettable Unauthorized Full House Story. Finally, on October 3rd and the 9th, Lifetime broadcast the latest two entries in the LCU — The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 Story and The Unauthorized Melrose Place Story.

I was on vacation when both of those films were originally broadcast but, fortunately, my sister had the foresight to set the DVR to record both of them! YAY!

(Seriously, my sister’s the best.)

Of the two films, The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 film was definitely the best. In fact, it’s definitely the best of the LCU films to be released so far. The film starts with a teenage Tori Spelling (played by Abby Ross, who is a lot prettier than the real Tori Spelling will ever be) convincing her father, producer Aaron Spelling (Dan Castellenata), to take a chance on a TV show about high school students. Spelling recruits Darren Starr (Adam Korson) to run the show and together they cast a group of hopeful performers and fight with the nervous TV execs who worry about the slightest bit of controversy.

They also have to deal with lead actress Shannen Doherty (Samantha Munro), who proves herself to be as difficult as she is talented. Whereas the Saved By The Bell and Full House films suffered because of a lack of behind-the-scenes drama, The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 film is all about conflict. From the minute that we first see Shannen, she’s making sure that everyone knows that she’s the star. And yet, despite that, Shannen Doherty remains a compelling and sympathetic character. Samantha Munro (who played Anya on my beloved Degrassi) gives a wonderfully complex performance. When she eventually ends up trying to beat up Jennie Garth (Abbie Cobb, who also appeared on the 90210 reboot), it’s more than just a cat fight. It’s Shannen declaring that she’s a star and she’s not going to let anyone push her to the side. And, even if Jennie hasn’t really done anything to deserve being called out, the film ultimately makes the case that Shannen, alone out of the cast, was the one who understood how Hollywood actually worked. Shannen’s a fighter because she knows the only other option is to be a victim.

Director Vanessa Parise does a good job keeping the action moving and giving us a glimpse of what it’s suddenly like to be world-famous. Some of the film’s best sequences are just the camera tracking through the studio, giving us a look of each star in his or her dressing room and providing a glimpse into the different personalities who make up the show’s ensemble. As opposed to the previous Unauthorized films, you finish the Beverly Hills 90210 Story feeling that it was a story worth telling.

One final note — Alyssa Lynch, who played Tiffani-Amber Thiessen in The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell, shows up playing the same role in Unauthorized 90210. It’s a nice nod to continuity.

The Unauthorized Melrose Place Story picks up where Beverly Hills 90210 ends. Darren Starr (Korson again) decides that he wants to do a show about people in their 20s. Aaron Spelling (Castellenata, again) agrees to produce. Once again, we get a lot of scenes of nervous network executives trying to tell Starr and Spelling what they can and can not do on television.

There’s a great scene in Unauthorized Melorse Place in which Heather Locklear (Ciara Hanna) strolls out on the soundstage, smirks, and says, “Did anyone order a bitch?” It’s a great line (and one that I’ve been using ever since I first saw the commercials for Unauthorized Melrose) but, unfortunately, Locklear’s just talking about her character. Whereas Unauthorized 90210 was all about conflict, Unauthorized Melrose seems to be about how well people get along behind the scenes.

True, there’s a few scenes where the actresses compete for the spotlight and there are hints of jealousy among the cast. Actor Doug Savant (Joseph John Coleman) gets upset because the network won’t let his gay character have a substantial storyline. Otherwise, there doesn’t appear to have been much drama behind the scenes at Melrose Place. That’s a good thing for the people who worked on the show but it doesn’t exactly make for a very compelling unauthorized story.

Along with the characters of Darren Starr and the Spelling family, both the Unauthorized Beverly Hills Story and the Unauthorized Melrose Place Story have one other thing in common, a shared joke. Both films feature actors talking about losing a role to Brad Pitt and someone else replying with, “Who?” It’s kind of an obvious joke but, again, I always appreciate continuity.

And that’s it! With these two reviews, I have now not only cleaned out my DVR but I have reviewed every single original film that has appeared, in the year so far, on both the Lifetime network and SyFy! Thank you for your indulgence and I now return you to regularly scheduled programming…

What Lisa Watched Last Night #142: Are You My Daughter? (dir by Jason Bourque)

Posted on October 18, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime movie premiere, Are You My Daughter?

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime, of course! Of course, I was only able to watch the 1st hour before I had to change the channel over to SyFy so I could watch They Found Hell. But, fortunately, Lifetime always shows their movies twice so, once They Found Hell was over with, I was able to turn back to Lifetime and catch the final hour of Are You My Daughter?

What Was It About?

14 years ago, Laura Paddington’s (Brooke Langton) 3 year-0ld daughter disappeared. In the years since, Laura has suffered from a lot of guilt. She’s also seen her marriage to Richard (Mike Dopud) end in divorce.

At first, when Laura meets Jacob (Peter Benson) is a support group, he seems like the perfect guy. Jacob tells Laura that she has to move on from the disappearance of her daughter and, under Jacob’s guidance, Laura finally decides to clean out her daughter’s old bedroom.

However, when Laura attempts to donate her daughter’s clothes to the local shelter, she is shocked when she meets Rebecca (Stephanie Bennett). Rebecca not only looks like a teenage version of her daughter but she also has the same birthmark on the back of her neck! After Rebecca gets a DNA test, it is confirmed that she is Laura’s daughter!

Or is she? When Richard meets her, he is immediately suspicious of both Rebecca and Jacob. Is Richard being paranoid or is Laura the victim of a very cruel con?

What Worked?

There are certain directors who I’m always happy to see listed in the opening credits of a Lifetime or a SyFy movie. Whenever I see that a film was directed by Doug Campbell, Grant Harvey, or Griff Furst, I always know that I’m going to see a movie that’s better than the average Lifetime melodrama. The director of Are You My Daughter, Jason Bourque, is another one of those directors. He’s directed and written his share of films for both Lifetime and SyFy and his films are always very entertaining and well-done. That’s definitely the case with Are You My Daughter, which is a fun and twisty little melodrama. (Bourque also directed a film called Black Fly, which I reviewed on this site a few months ago.)

As well, Stephanie Bennett did a good job as Rebecca/Zoe. She kept you guessing.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked. This was a fun and enjoyable Lifetime movie.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I’m not a mother yet but once I am, I am going to be so overprotective. Seriously, my kids are never going to be out of my sight. It’s hard for me to think of anything more terrifying than having your child disappear.

Lessons Learned

Keep an eye on your children.