Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.7 “Yinessa’s Interview”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

The Bulls are in the playoffs!

Episode 2.7 “Yinessa’s Interview”

(Dir by Burt Brinckerhoff, originally aired on December 30th, 1986)

Last week, training camp finally ended.

This week, the Bulls are in the playoffs!

Wow, we skipped the entire regular season.  Well, that’s okay.  It was obvious from the start that the Bulls were going to make it to the playoffs so why hold off on the inevitable?  Tom Yinessa has led the Bulls to a spot in the Wildcard and woo hoo!

The only problem is that Yinessa hasn’t had time to get laid.  When he does try to make time for Christy (Betsy Russell) — who I guess is his new girlfriend because she wasn’t his girlfriend an episode ago — they are interrupted by reporter Donna Starkey (Brianne Leary), who needs to finish up her interview with Yinessa.  Christy leaves angry but then she returns to make up for Yinessa, just to discover him on the verge of fooling around with Donna.

While all of this is going, the other team tries to fool the Bulls by sending them a fake playbook.  Coach Denardo thinks that it’s genuine but T.D. Parker is like, “I’ll kill you if you use that playbook!  I’ve done it before!”  Also a woman tells Jethro that he’s the father of her son.  Jethro is skeptical but he agrees to get a paternity test.

Donna writes an article about how Yinessa is an unimpressive quarterback.  But the Bulls still win their playoff game by relying on defense.  Mad Dog Smears angrily notes that reporters never want to interview anyone defense …. wait a minute, where’s Dr. Death?  Seeing as how the defense wins the game, this seems like a weird episode not to feature Dr. Death.

The Bulls win their game but Yinessa no longer has a girlfriend.  Womp womp.

This episode was weirdly unsubstantial.  It may be because of how the episodes have been edited for syndication to remove all of the nudity and cursing but 1st & Ten never seems to be able to develop any sort of narrative momentum.  Instead of each episode building towards something, it’s usually just 20 minutes of random events that never seem to really be tied together.  One could say the same thing of life in general, I suppose.

This is my final 1st & Ten review of 2025.  Retro Television Reviews is taken a break for the holidays but this feature will return in January.  My next 1st & Ten review will be on January 7th, 2026.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Yay!  Training camp is over!

Episode 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 29th, 1986)

When arrogant quarterback Johnny Valentine refuses to enter drug rehab, Diana reacts by having him traded to Buffalo.  Johnny may be a superstar but he won’t be playing for the Bulls.  That means that Yinessa, the player who nearly kicked off the team twice, is now the starting quarterback.  Yinessa also makes up with his girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) so I guess he’s having a good week.

Bubba has to lose five pounds to retain his starting position.  When he goes in to be weighed, it appears that he’s only lost four pounds.  Bubba quickly takes off his gold watch and he makes weight!  Good for Bubba, I guess.

Finally, Rick Lampert (Marcus Allen) shows up at training camp is given a number 32 jersey by T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson).  Lampert’s like, This is your number.  Parker replies that the number now belongs to Lampert.  Awwww!  In the role of T.D. Parker, O.J. Simpson has a way of slashing his way to the heart of the matter,

Training camp finally ended with this episode and I’m glad about that because those training camp episodes were getting really dull.  I have to be honest, though.  We’re halfway through the second season and I still don’t feel like I know any of these characters.  Donald Gibb occasionally makes me laugh as Dr. Death.  And, as T.D. Parker, OJ Simpson seems like a really nice guy.  Otherwise, though, this show feels oddly hollow.  Of course, that may be because I’m watching the syndicated version, which apparently edited out a lot of nudity and bad behavior on the part of the players.

Oh well.  Let’s see how the team does!  This episode ends with Diana saying she wants to win a championship.  Does Yinessa have it in him to lead the team with victory?  With OJ Simpson as his coach, he better!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.5 “California Freeze Out”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Victory’s yours …. for that taking….

Ugh, let’s do this.

Episode 2.5 “California Freeze Out”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 22nd, 1986)

Training camp continues!

Oh, Good Lord, does it continue.

And look, I get it.  This was a low-budget show that relied on stock footage for the majority of its game footage.  There was probably only so much footage available.  Not every episode could feature a game.  And training camp is an important part of football and I’m sure that, back in 1986, HBO was proud of that set they built for the ugly bar where all the players hang out.  It’s not a bad set.  You look at it and you can literally smell the rancid combination of sweat and urine that seems to follow most male athletes.

But seriously …. I’M TIRED OF TRAINING CAMP!  Its time to move on!

As for this episode …. hey, Waldren is already back from rehab and he’s clean!  That was quick.  However, shady quarterback Johnny Valentine continues to hang out with drug dealers and Waldren gives into temptation.  He ends up at a raucous drug party that’s busted by the cops.  Waldren jumps out of a window.  His date is accidentally shot.  You might think that Johnny Valentine would be in trouble considering how anti-drug the league has become but it turns out that Johnny is a star and busting him would effect ad revenue.  So, Johnny gets off scot-free.

Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson — whoops, sorry, I meant to say T.D. Parker, don’t hurt me, Vengeful Spirit of O.J. — recruits a young player named Rick Lambert (Marcus Allen) to be the team’s new running back.  Marcus Allen gave such a stiff performance that I immediately realized that he had to have been an actual player and it turns out that I was right.  You can always tell the actual players because they’re the ones who can never summon up any emotion when they stumble through their lines.  O.J. was the epitome of a player who became a bad actor but he came across as being …. well, not quite Olivier but maybe David Niven, while acting opposite Marcus Allen.  Maybe that’s why Allen was added to the cast, to make O.J. look good.

Anyway, here’s hoping that O.J. and the rest of the Bulls slash their way out of training camp soon!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.4 “Quarterbacks Tell No Tales”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, a player’s reputation is on the line.  Can he clear his name, even though all the evidence is stacked up against him?

Episode 2.4 “Quarterbacks Tell No Tales”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 15th, 1986)

T.D. Parker (played by O.J. Simpson) is pissed off!  The normally affable former player is angry that someone is dealing cocaine to the Bulls.  The press and the commissioner both assume that the dealer is rookie quartebrack Tim Yinessa.  (That guy that Yinessa caught searching his room last week?  He was a reporter.)  T.D. isn’t so sure.  He thinks that start quarterback Johnny Valentine (Sam Jones) is responsible for the team’s cocaine problem.  T.D. eventually confronts Johnny and tells him to stop with the drugs.

“25% of this league retires injured,” Johnny says, “You’re proof of that.”

T.D. gets so angry that he proceeds to stab Johnny to death punch Johnny in the chest.  “Welcome to the 25%,” he says.

No, T.D.  Johnny said “retired” players.  Johnny’s not retiring yet.  Anyway, Johnny was so coked up that he probably didn’t even feel the punch.

As for Yinessa, he nearly gets kicked off the team when the real dealer plants some cocaine in his locker.  Luckily, his roommate — Jamie Waldren (Jeff Kaake) — steps forward and confesses that he was the owner of the cocaine that the reporter found in the room.  Diana orders Jamie to go to rehab.  “Sure, I guess,” Jamie replies.

While that’s going on, Dr. Death and Mad Dog Smears continued to harass the rookies by ordering one of them to fake a suicide attempt as a part of a practical joke.  At the bar where they hang out, they also sang a song against urine testing.  I’m not really sure why anyone would want to hang out at the bar, as it seems like the whole place only exists so that Dr. Death and Mad Dog can put on painfully unfunny stage shows.  Dr. Death and Mad Dog also told Yinessa that they would kill him if he agreed to random urine testing in order to prove his innocence.  Personally, I think Dr. Death and Mad Dog should focus on their jobs.  Maybe if they did a better job protecting the other players, T.D. wouldn’t have had to retire.  I mean, you can tell it’s really cutting T.D. apart that he can’t play anymore.

So, Jamie is off to rehap, Yinessa is still on the team, and T.D. didn’t have to kill anyone.  All in all, it was a productive week.  To be honest, it’s difficult to judge this show based on traditional standards of good and bad.  Technically, every episode is bad.  This week, however, was slightly less bad than usual.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.3 “A Second Chance”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Things are getting crazy at training camp!

Episode 2.3 “A Second Chance”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 8th, 1986)

This week’s episode featured the unforgettable sight of O.J. Simpson tackling a knife-wielding Don Swayze and saving the life of Delta Burke.

Swayze was playing Clay Daniels, a tight end who was drafted by Coach Denardo, even though he apparently pulled a knife on a professor in college.  After Clay threatened Johnny Valentine after he felt Valentine wasn’t throwing him the ball enough, Denardo explained that he drafted Clay because Clay can play football.  Okay, Ernie, I guess that justifies having a knife-wielding maniac in the locker room….

After Denardo finally cut Clay from the team, Clay showed up at Diana’s house with a knife.  Fortunately, Diana was able to call Denardo and T.D. Parker for help.  Denardo showed up and promised he would give Clay a second chance.  And then T.D. tackled Clay and grabbed that knife like a pro!

Meanwhile, Yinessa returned to training camp but he was not happy that his friend and roommate, wide receiver Jamie Waldren (Jeff Kaake), had a drug problem.  This episode ended with Yinessa getting into a fight with someone who broke into their room in search of Waldren’s cocaine.  An angry Yinessa flushed all of Waldren’s cocaine.  Considering that this episode also featured Diana being named Chairperson of the League’s Anti-Drug Committee, I’m sure this won’t lead to any sort of awkwardness with the team.

Much like last week’s episode, this episode was so melodramatic and over-the-top that I couldn’t help but enjoy it.  Drugs, training camp, and knives!  Will the Bulls make it to the Championship Game a second year in a row?  It’s not looking good but, considering that they have O.J. Simpson’s razor-sharp instincts at their disposal, I wouldn’t count them out yet!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma.  What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp.  All of the players are excited to see him.  At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise.  He’s the face of the team!  When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an acquittal touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker.  Where was he last season?  The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker.  I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room.  The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon.  Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him.  Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it.  Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field.  Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH!  T.D. looks confused.  He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee.  (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.)  Bryce is done for the season.  Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup.  That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise.  They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests.  Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s.  There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining.  That’s doesn’t mean it was good.  1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good.  But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine.  Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season.  It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings.  That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows?  I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.1 “The Rookies”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the 2nd season begins!

Episode 2.1 “The Rookies”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on August 25th, 1986)

It’s time for another season of Bulls football and …. hey, where did everyone go?

As soon as the opening credits for the first episode of the second season started, I noticed that there were quite a few people missing.  Delta Burke, Reid Shelton, Prince Hughes, and Cliff Frazier were all listed.  However, not listed were Geoffrey Scott, Sam Scarber, Clayton Landey, Ruta Lee, Marshall R. Teague, Michael V. Gazzo, and Robert Miranda.  That’s the majority of the cast!

Instead of Geoffrey Scott’s veteran quarterback Bob Dorsey, we now have Jason Beghe as rookie quarterback Tom Yinessa.  We now have Stan Kamber as assistant coach Fred Griner.  We now have Marcus Allen as rookie running back Rick Lambert.  And, as the veteran running back T.D. Parker, we have …. O.J. SIMPSON!

Oh yeah, this isn’t going to be awkward.

O.J, only appears for a few minutes in this episode.  As T.D. Parker, he talks to his wife about how much he loves playing football and how he feels that he has one more season left in him as the Bulls’s starting running back.  Uhmm …. I thought Carl Witherspoon was the Bulls’s running back.  All last season, Carl was the Bulls’s running back.  What the Hell is T.D. Parker talking about?  Is he delusional?  Maybe he’s a crazed fan who just thinks that he was the running back last year.  All of that said, T.D. does come across as being a very nice guy and definitely someone who you can trust to slash his way through all of the ego and hype surrounding professional football.

(Probably not coincidentally, the other Bulls assistant coach is played by A.C. Cowlings, who was a friend of O.J.’s.  Remember A.C?)

Anyway, this episode deals with rookie training camp.  While the veterans get a week off, rookies like Tom Yinessa try out for the Bulls.  Yinessa played football in the Army and the only reason he’s being given a tryout is because “Captain Pete” is a friend of Denardo’s.  Denardo is shocked to discover that Yinessa is a good quarterback but he’s already got two veteran quarterbacks and Diana has signed a deal to bring in a third.  Denardo is forced to cut Yinessa.  Yinessa smashes the mirror in Denardo’s office and says that he’s done Denardo a favor because now Denardo won’t have to face what’s he done.  Okay, weirdo….

Yinessa returns to his job at the auto yard and Bulls football continues!  While hotshot rookie Rick Lambert continues to ask for more money before he’ll even show up at training camp, Diana is informed that the players are threating to strike if the League institutes mandatory drug testing.  Diana says a strike will bankrupt the team.  Why are the Bulls always on the verge of going bankrupt?  Diana needs to hire better people to look after the books.

Here’s my prediction for the rest of the season!  Yinessa will be back because he’s in the opening credits.  And, whatever problems may come up, O.J. Simpson will always cut right to the heart of the matter.

As for this particular episode, it got the job done.  It re-introduced us to the team and, even more importantly, it seemed to signal that all of the nonsense from the first season — the Mafia, Diana’s ex-husband and all the rest of it — was over with.  The show is ready to move on so let’s give it more of a chance than Coach Denardo gave Tom Yinessa.

Insomnia Film #67: Why (dir by Victor Stoloff)


What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or streaming? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you’re having trouble getting to sleep tonight, you can always go over to either YouTube or Tubi and pull up Why, an obscure film from 1973 that has a semi-interesting cast.

The plot of Why is simple.  Six people gather at their psychiatrist’s mansion for group therapy.  Dr. Peter Carlson (played by Herb Goldberg, an actual psychiatrist) asks the members of the group questions and asks them to do things like try to imagine a moment that made them truly happy.  The members of the group discuss their problems and …. well, that’s pretty much it.

Who is in the group?  Jeannie Berlin plays Gail, a single mother who has been rejected by her family because she had an out-of-wedlock child with a black man.  Cathy Bleich plays Jennifer, who claims to be a teacher but who is also a pathological liar.  Linda Gillen is Christine, a rich teenager who is two-months pregnant and who is implied to be addicted to heroin.  Danny Goldman plays Bill, a suicidal gay man.  Musician Tim Buckley plays musician Glenn, who can’t get over his band breaking up.  And, playing a professional athlete named Bud, is O.J. Simpson.  “I smoke dope,” Bud says at one point before going on to explain why he thinks its important to be a good role model.

Why is an odd film.  It starts out with a lengthy animated sequence (complete with a hippie-style song) and then settles into being a stagey film that feels more like an extended acting exercise than an actual narrative.  It’s a talky film and some of the monologues work while others fall flat.  The best performances are given by Danny Goldman, Tim Buckley, and Linda Gillen but I imagine most people who watch this film will be giving most of their attention to O.J. Simpson, who talks about resenting the pressure to always be perfect.  In the end, there are no real break-throughs and one could argue that makes this the most realistic depiction of therapy ever filmed.

Reportedly, the film start out as a short film starring O.J. Simpson and Tim Buckley that was commissioned by Technicolor to see if video could be transferred to film.  The decision was made to expand the short into a feature.  The actors improvised during rehearsal and those improvs served as the basis for the script.  Again, this will probably be most interesting to people looking for hints into what it was like inside of O.J. Simpson’s head.  (O.J.’s character comes across as being friendly but guarded and quick to get angry about women in general.)

Again, it’s a talky film.  At times, it’s a rather boring film.  Many of the monologues start out strong but they tend to go on and on. Why might cure you of your insomnia.  That said, the film is interesting from a historical point of view.  It’s all very 70s, revealing a group of people trying to navigate a world that was still trying to figure out where they stood in the years immediately following the turmoil of 60s.  The characters have a brand new world ahead of them and none of them know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  Some things never change.

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid
  46. Enter the Ninja
  47. Downhill
  48. Malice
  49. Mystery Date
  50. Zola
  51. Ira & Abby
  52. The Next Karate Kid
  53. A Nightmare on Drug Street
  54. Jud
  55. FTA
  56. Exterminators of the Year 3000
  57. Boris Karloff: The Man Behind The Monster
  58. The Haunting of Helen Walker
  59. True Spirit
  60. Project Kill
  61. Replica
  62. Rollergator
  63. Hillbillys In A Haunted House
  64. Once Upon A Midnight Scary
  65. Girl Lost
  66. Ghosts Can’t Do It

Film Review: Cocaine and Blue Eyes (1983, directed by E.W. Swackhamer)


When San Francisco-based private investigator Michael Brennen (O.J. Simpson) gives a ride to Joey Crawford (John Spencer) on Christmas Eve, he doesn’t know that it’s going to lead to the biggest case of his career.  When Joey asks Michael to help him track down his ex-girlfriend, Michael assumes that Joey would never be able to pay for his investigative services.  But one week later, Michael gets something in the mail from Joey.  Inside the envelope, there’s a picture of both Joey’s ex and a thousand dollar bill.  Ever after he discovers that Joey was mysteriously killed the night before, Michael decides to take on the case.  His investigation will take him not only to Joey’s ex but it will also lead to him uncovering a drug ring that involves one of San Francisco’s most prominent families.

Simpson not only starred in this made-for-TV movie but he also served as executive producer.  Watching the movie, it’s obvious that it was meant to serve as a pilot for a Michael Brennen TV series and it’s also just as obvious why that series never happened.  O.J. Simpson was not a terrible actor but, ironically for someone who set records as an NFL player, there was nothing tough about him.  Simpson may be playing a two-fisted, cash-strapped P.I. but, in every scene, he comes across like he can’t wait to hit the golf course.  Simpson’s pleasant demeanor may have served him well in other areas of his life but it didn’t help him with this role.  Whenever Simpson has to share a scene with John Spencer, Candy Clark, Cliff Gorman, or any of the other members of this film’s surprisingly talented supporting cast, Simpson’s bland screen presence and lack of gravitas becomes all the more apparent.

Of course, when seen today, the main problem with Cocaine and Blue Eyes is that it’s impossible to watch without thinking, “Hey, didn’t the star of this movie get away with killing his wife and an innocent bystander?”  Even the most innocuous  of lines take on a double meaning when they’re uttered by O.J. Simpson.  It doesn’t help that the movie opens with Michael visiting his estranged wife and their children on Christmas Eve and getting chased around the neighborhood by a guard dog.  When the movie was made, this scene was probably included so that O.J. could show off some of the moves that made him a star at UCLA and with the Bills.  Seen today, the scene takes on a whole different meaning.

Without O.J. Simpson, Cocaine and Blue Eyes could easily pass for being an extended episode of Magnum P.I., Simon and Simon, or any other detective show from the 80s.  With Simpson, it becomes a pop cultural relic.  I don’t think it’s ever been released on DVD but it is available on YouTube, where it can be viewed by O.J. Simpson completists everywhere.

A Movie A Day #193: The O.J. Simpson Story (1995, directed by Alan Smithee)


Long before O.J.: Made In America

Before The People vs. O.J. Simpson

Before American Tragedy

Before today’s live, televised parole hearing…

There was The O.J. Simpson Story.

In 1994, shortly after O.J. Simpson was charged with the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, Fox rushed The O.J. Simpson Story into production.  It was one of many “true life” stories that showed up as television movies during the 90s.  There was a movie about Woody Allen and Mia Farrow’s divorce.  There was a movie about David Koresh and the Branch Davidians, which actually aired while the siege in Waco was still ongoing.  There were three movies about Amy Fisher.  So, of course, O.J. would get a movie.

Though the movie was produced in 1994, it was not allowed to air in 1995 so that it would not prejudice any of the jurors in the case.  (After all, they might have done something crazy like ignore all of the DNA evidence and let O.J. go free.)  I think the legal authorities may have been giving The O.J. Simpson Story too much credit.  There were many bad made-for-TV movies made in the 90s but The O.J. Simpson Story may very well be the worst.  The only thing it could prejudice some against is television.

Opening with the discovery of the murders in Brentwood, The O.J. Simpson Story mixes scenes of O.J. (played by Bobby Hosea, who shows not a hint of O.J.s famous charisma) talking to the police and his lawyer, Bob Shapiro (Bruce Weitz, slightly more credible than John Travolta was in The People vs. O.J. Simpson) with flashbacks to O.J.’s youth, first marriage, and his relationship with Nicole (blandly played by Jessica Tuck, who, beyond the color of her hair, looked nothing like Nicole).  The film also devotes some time to O.J.’s friendship with A.C. Cowlings, who, as a young man, is played by Terrence Howard.

Several of the famous incidents of the case are wanly recreated.  The famous bronco chase is there, of course.  O.J. is shown beating Nicole in the infamous 1989 incident, which the movie suggests was triggered by Nicole telling O.J. that he would never win an Oscar for appearing in The Naked Gun.  But, since the movie was rushed into production before the trial even began, it is remarkable how much is left out.  There’s no Mark Furhman finding the black glove.  There’s no Kate Kaelin, Faye Resnick, Johnnie Cochran, or even Marcia Clark.  Because the movie was made before the trial had even begun, it does not even take a stand on whether or not O.J.’s guilty.  Narratively, it is an incomplete movie and evidence of why movies that claim to tell true stories should not be rushed into production before the story itself has been completed.

As for the film’s dialogue, when O.J. first meets Nicole, he asks her, “Any problem with going out with a brother?”

“Yeah,” Nicole says with a smile, “I’m in the Ku Klux Klan.”

Not surprisingly, The O.J. Simpson Story was directed by Alan Smithee, which was the pseudonym used by directors who felt that their movie has been so butchered by outside interference that they should not even be credited with the final result.  The O.J. Simpson Story is one of the worst Smithee films that I have ever seen.  Compared to The O.J. Simpson Story, Smithee’s work on Let’s Get Harry was Oscar-worthy.

As for the real life O.J. Simpson, earlier today, he was granted parole from the Nevada Parole Board.  He will be released from prison on October 1st.  He has said that he hope to be allowed to move to Florida after being released.  The real-life O.J. Simpson story continues.

When it comes to the long saga of O.J. Simpson, it seems appropriate to give the last word to MAD Magazine: