Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”

Posted on November 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Yay! Training camp is over!

Episode 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 29th, 1986)

When arrogant quarterback Johnny Valentine refuses to enter drug rehab, Diana reacts by having him traded to Buffalo. Johnny may be a superstar but he won’t be playing for the Bulls. That means that Yinessa, the player who nearly kicked off the team twice, is now the starting quarterback. Yinessa also makes up with his girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) so I guess he’s having a good week.

Bubba has to lose five pounds to retain his starting position. When he goes in to be weighed, it appears that he’s only lost four pounds. Bubba quickly takes off his gold watch and he makes weight! Good for Bubba, I guess.

Finally, Rick Lampert (Marcus Allen) shows up at training camp is given a number 32 jersey by T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson). Lampert’s like, This is your number. Parker replies that the number now belongs to Lampert. Awwww! In the role of T.D. Parker, O.J. Simpson has a way of slashing his way to the heart of the matter,

Training camp finally ended with this episode and I’m glad about that because those training camp episodes were getting really dull. I have to be honest, though. We’re halfway through the second season and I still don’t feel like I know any of these characters. Donald Gibb occasionally makes me laugh as Dr. Death. And, as T.D. Parker, OJ Simpson seems like a really nice guy. Otherwise, though, this show feels oddly hollow. Of course, that may be because I’m watching the syndicated version, which apparently edited out a lot of nudity and bad behavior on the part of the players.

Oh well. Let’s see how the team does! This episode ends with Diana saying she wants to win a championship. Does Yinessa have it in him to lead the team with victory? With OJ Simpson as his coach, he better!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.5 “California Freeze Out”

Posted on November 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Victory’s yours …. for that taking….

Ugh, let’s do this.

Episode 2.5 “California Freeze Out”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 22nd, 1986)

Training camp continues!

Oh, Good Lord, does it continue.

And look, I get it. This was a low-budget show that relied on stock footage for the majority of its game footage. There was probably only so much footage available. Not every episode could feature a game. And training camp is an important part of football and I’m sure that, back in 1986, HBO was proud of that set they built for the ugly bar where all the players hang out. It’s not a bad set. You look at it and you can literally smell the rancid combination of sweat and urine that seems to follow most male athletes.

But seriously …. I’M TIRED OF TRAINING CAMP! Its time to move on!

As for this episode …. hey, Waldren is already back from rehab and he’s clean! That was quick. However, shady quarterback Johnny Valentine continues to hang out with drug dealers and Waldren gives into temptation. He ends up at a raucous drug party that’s busted by the cops. Waldren jumps out of a window. His date is accidentally shot. You might think that Johnny Valentine would be in trouble considering how anti-drug the league has become but it turns out that Johnny is a star and busting him would effect ad revenue. So, Johnny gets off scot-free.

Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson — whoops, sorry, I meant to say T.D. Parker, don’t hurt me, Vengeful Spirit of O.J. — recruits a young player named Rick Lambert (Marcus Allen) to be the team’s new running back. Marcus Allen gave such a stiff performance that I immediately realized that he had to have been an actual player and it turns out that I was right. You can always tell the actual players because they’re the ones who can never summon up any emotion when they stumble through their lines. O.J. was the epitome of a player who became a bad actor but he came across as being …. well, not quite Olivier but maybe David Niven, while acting opposite Marcus Allen. Maybe that’s why Allen was added to the cast, to make O.J. look good.

Anyway, here’s hoping that O.J. and the rest of the Bulls slash their way out of training camp soon!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma. What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp. All of the players are excited to see him. At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise. He’s the face of the team! When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an ~~acquittal~~ touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker. Where was he last season? The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker. I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room. The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon. Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him. Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it. Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field. Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH! T.D. looks confused. He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee. (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.) Bryce is done for the season. Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup. That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise. They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests. Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s. There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining. That’s doesn’t mean it was good. 1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good. But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine. Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season. It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings. That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows? I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.1 “The Rookies”

Posted on October 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the 2nd season begins!

Episode 2.1 “The Rookies”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on August 25th, 1986)

It’s time for another season of Bulls football and …. hey, where did everyone go?

As soon as the opening credits for the first episode of the second season started, I noticed that there were quite a few people missing. Delta Burke, Reid Shelton, Prince Hughes, and Cliff Frazier were all listed. However, not listed were Geoffrey Scott, Sam Scarber, Clayton Landey, Ruta Lee, Marshall R. Teague, Michael V. Gazzo, and Robert Miranda. That’s the majority of the cast!

Instead of Geoffrey Scott’s veteran quarterback Bob Dorsey, we now have Jason Beghe as rookie quarterback Tom Yinessa. We now have Stan Kamber as assistant coach Fred Griner. We now have Marcus Allen as rookie running back Rick Lambert. And, as the veteran running back T.D. Parker, we have …. O.J. SIMPSON!

Oh yeah, this isn’t going to be awkward.

O.J, only appears for a few minutes in this episode. As T.D. Parker, he talks to his wife about how much he loves playing football and how he feels that he has one more season left in him as the Bulls’s starting running back. Uhmm …. I thought Carl Witherspoon was the Bulls’s running back. All last season, Carl was the Bulls’s running back. What the Hell is T.D. Parker talking about? Is he delusional? Maybe he’s a crazed fan who just thinks that he was the running back last year. All of that said, T.D. does come across as being a very nice guy and definitely someone who you can trust to slash his way through all of the ego and hype surrounding professional football.

(Probably not coincidentally, the other Bulls assistant coach is played by A.C. Cowlings, who was a friend of O.J.’s. Remember A.C?)

Anyway, this episode deals with rookie training camp. While the veterans get a week off, rookies like Tom Yinessa try out for the Bulls. Yinessa played football in the Army and the only reason he’s being given a tryout is because “Captain Pete” is a friend of Denardo’s. Denardo is shocked to discover that Yinessa is a good quarterback but he’s already got two veteran quarterbacks and Diana has signed a deal to bring in a third. Denardo is forced to cut Yinessa. Yinessa smashes the mirror in Denardo’s office and says that he’s done Denardo a favor because now Denardo won’t have to face what’s he done. Okay, weirdo….

Yinessa returns to his job at the auto yard and Bulls football continues! While hotshot rookie Rick Lambert continues to ask for more money before he’ll even show up at training camp, Diana is informed that the players are threating to strike if the League institutes mandatory drug testing. Diana says a strike will bankrupt the team. Why are the Bulls always on the verge of going bankrupt? Diana needs to hire better people to look after the books.

Here’s my prediction for the rest of the season! Yinessa will be back because he’s in the opening credits. And, whatever problems may come up, O.J. Simpson will always cut right to the heart of the matter.

As for this particular episode, it got the job done. It re-introduced us to the team and, even more importantly, it seemed to signal that all of the nonsense from the first season — the Mafia, Diana’s ex-husband and all the rest of it — was over with. The show is ready to move on so let’s give it more of a chance than Coach Denardo gave Tom Yinessa.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.12 “The Cheerleaders/Marooned”

Posted on August 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

Let’s see what’s happening on the Island this week….

Episode 3.12 “The Cheerleaders/Marooned”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)

I’m just going to be honest here. This week’s episode of Fantasy Island is not a good one. Neither one of the fantasies work. In fact, they’re both really, really annoying. Usually, this show does a fairly good job of balancing a fun fantasy with a serious fantasy. This episode, though, both fantasies are meant to be humorous. They’re not. They are both rather shrill.

That said, this episode did feature the return of Roarke and Tattoo bantering before going to meet their guests. When Roarke steps out of his office to meet the plane, he’s surprised to see that Tattoo is hiding in a red fire hydrant costume. When Roarke demands to know what Tattoo is doing, Tattoo explains that he’s training to be a secret agent. Roarke rolls his eyes so violently that I’m surprised he didn’t injure himself. Later, Tattoo attempts to disguises himself as a bale of hay and ends up getting chased by an enraged bull that just happens to be wandering around the Island. Roarke laughs and laughs because there’s nothing that makes him happier than the idea of his assistant suffering a terrible injury. That said, though it was all a bit mean-spirted, it was nice to see the return of the banter.

As for the two fantasies …. God, I don’t even want to talk about them.

The marginally more interesting one featured Vic Tayback as a blue collar guy named Melvyn whose fantasy was to spend some time with his favorite movie star, a total diva named Liz Merrill (Jayne Meadows). When Liz shows up on the Island, it turns out that her fantasy is for everyone to think that she’s lost at sea before she’s eventually found on a tropical island. She’s told that Melvyn has been hired to row the boat taking her to the island. Instead, Melvyn and Liz get lost and really do end up on a deserted island, where Liz eventually drops her arrogant attitude and Melvyn wins her love by barking orders at her. The fact that this was the “better” fantasy should tell you just how bad the other fantasy was.

The other fantasy features Georgia Engel and Patty McCormack as Cathy and Marg, two roommates whose fantasy is to be cheerleaders for their favorite football team, the Titans. Fortunately, the Titans training camp happens to be on Fantasy Island! Marg has a crush on quarterback Roger Mosely (played by Dan Pastorini) but Roger is more interested in Cathy. This leads to the two friends not being friends anymore but then Mr. Roarke tells them that there’s nothing more important than friendship. It’s a nice message but it’s hard to believe either Georgia Engel or Patty McCormack as cheerleaders and Engel and Pastorini had absolutely zero chemistry. The whole thing just felt too silly for its own good.

(I even forced Erin to watch this episode with me so that I could get her perspective as a former cheerleader. She agreed with me. As far as cheerleader stories go, this was no Bring It On.)

Sigh. This week’s episode was not great. Hopefully, next week’s will be better!

Film Review: Thank God, It’s Friday (dir by Robert Klane)

Posted on July 31, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, I just finished watching Thank God, It’s Friday, a movie from 1978. It’s an episodic comedy, one that follows a group of genuinely unlikable characters as they all gather in one genuinely unlikable location and proceed to have some fairly generic experiences.

For example, there’s the married couple and the husband needs to loosen up. There’s the DJ who is going to lose his job if he can’t deliver the big stars that he’s promised. There’s the short, violent guy who is upset because he’s been set up on a date with a tall woman. There’s the dental hygienist who comes across like she’s desperately trying to convince everyone that she’s eccentric when she’s really just boring. (We all know the type.) There’s the teenager girls who try to sneak into the club, despite being underage. There’s the two dorky guys who are looking for love. There’s the two dorky girls who are looking for love.

In fact, everyone in the movie is looking for love! Except for Jeff Goldblum! He just wants to get laid. He manages the club where everyone has gathered on this particular Friday. He’s a womanizer. We can tell because he wears a red jacket and his shirt is half-buttoned. Goldblum decides that he wants to break up the married couple. Boo! Hiss! But wait a minute — neither the husband nor the wife are likable or interesting. Go, Jeff, go! BREAK UP THAT BORINGASS MARRIAGE!

Oh! And Nicole (Donna Summer) is wandering around the club too. She wants a chance to perform but the DJ refuses to let her. So, eventually, she just grabs a microphone and she starts to sing. Luckily, the song she sings is Last Dance and, by singing it, she gives everyone an excuse to go home. If you’ve ever been to a karaoke night, you know that, as soon as a drunk sings Last Dance, it’s time to pay the bill and get the Hell out of there.

Last Dance was apparently written specifically for Thank God, It’s Friday. Or maybe Thank God, It’s Friday was written specifically for Last Dance, who knows? What we do know is that Last Dance won the Oscar for Best Original Song. That’s right — Thank God, It’s Friday is an Oscar winner and therefore, will always be enshrined with fellow Oscar winners like Crash, Titanic, and SPECTRE.

(Which songs did Thank God, It’s Friday beat? It defeated a song from Grease, which is a good thing because Grease is even more annoying than Thank God, It’s Friday. That’s right, I said it. And you know it’s true.)

Anyway, Thank God, It’s Friday is a really bad movie, one that is full of bad writing, bad jokes, bad performances, and indifferent direction. It’s tempting to say that the music was really good but actually, we don’t hear much of the music. The movie is often more concerned about what’s happening in the club’s parking lot than in what is happening (and being heard) on the inside. We may not hear much music but we do get to see some pretty icky racial stereotyping and who would guess that a movie about disco would be so homophobic?

(We don’t see any cocaine, though I’m sure you could probably hear the key grip and the gaffer snorting a line off-camera if you listened closely enough. A lot of the cast looked pretty wired.)

ANYWAY — here’s the important thing about Thank God, It’s Friday. Occasionally, I’ll watch a movie like Dazed and Confused or Boogie Nights or Saturday Night Fever and I’ll get jealous because I know that I’ll never get a chance to experience the 70s first hand. Fortunately, something like Thank God, It’s Friday will always be around to reassure me, “No, Lisa. The 70s sucked!”

Thank God, it’s Friday?

No, thank God the movie’s over.