Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.2 “Surf Sale”

Posted on May 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

As my friend Mark tried to warn me, this show sucks!

Episode 1.2 “Surf Sale”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 18th, 1998)

Why am I doing this to myself?

That’s the question that I asked myself as I watched the second episode of Malibu, CA. Why do I always decide to review the worst shows that I can find? And when I call Malibu, CA the worst, that’s not an exaggeration. The second episode, which I just watched, is 21 minutes of pure pain. Producing bad television was, admittedly, Peter Engel’s trademark but not Malibu, CA goes beyond just being bad. I mean, this is the first show that I’ve ever seen that makes One World seem brilliant by comparison.

The second episode finds Murray upset because a land developer is planning on tearing down The Surf Shack and replacing it with a luxury condo. The Surf Shack is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a shack that sells surfing equipment. Murray appears to be the Surf Shack’s only employee. Murray says that Surf Shack is his life. The Surf Shack must be saved and Scott and Jason are going to help Murray because they think helping Murray will impress their next-door neighbor, Samantha. Samantha is into causes and stuff. Plus, Murray has been her friend since kindergarten.

Murray is also the son of a wealthy man so Jason and Scott suggest that Murray ask his father to buy the Surf Shack. Murray says that he can’t because his father would then demand that Murray go to school, wear socks, and comb his hair. With the Surf Shack doomed, Murray gets a job working as a dishwasher at Peter’s restaurant but then he nearly burns the place down after he accidentally knocks out the chef by throwing a dish in his direction.

Murray finally agrees to ask his father to buy the Surf Shack. Murray is prepared to sell out. But then Peter, to make his sons happy, buys the Surf Shack from Murray’s dad and then makes Murray the manager. If Peter had the money to buy the Surf Shack, why didn’t they just go to him to begin with?

Meanwhile, Stats the Lifeguard, who desperately wants Scott to notice her, is harassed by Haji (Maulik Pancholy), a guy whose life she saved from drowning. Haj is Indian so the whole joke here is that Haj has an accent and tends to say stuff like, “In my country, if you save someone’s life, you are destined to be together.” However, Stats is in love with Scott and Haj isn’t willing to fight for her love because “It looks like he goes to the gym.” Haj trips over another girl on the beach and decides that she is the one who saved his life. I’m not sure why.

This was bad. It’s hard to put into words how bad this episode was. The storyline was stupid but that’s to be expected from a show produced by Peter Engel. Instead, this episode was bad because 1) there wasn’t a single likable person in the episode (even Stats ended up being pretty rude to Haj) and 2) there did not appear to be a single person in the cast capable of reciting their dialogue without sounding like they were reading it off of a cue card. The episode was bad because Murray’s issue with his dad seems to be that his dad expects his teenage son to actually go to school and not be a brain-dead washout. The episode was bad because the Surf Shack itself sits on the ugliest and smallest part of the beach and it’s hard to understand why anyone would want to put a condo in that location. (With mountains on either side, there’s really not any room for a condo.) Finally, the episode was dumb because it had the same plot as the pilot: Developers want build something on the beach so Scott and Jason pretend to care in an effort to impress Sam. Just as the pilot featured a disaster at Peter’s restaurant, this episode features a disaster at Peter’s restaurant. It’s only the second episode and this show is already repeating itself.

Oh well! At least there’s only 50 episode left….

Concert Film Review: Pink Floyd: Live in Venice (dir by Wayne Isham and Egbert van Hees)

Posted on May 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’m actually a bit embarrassed to say that Venice is my favorite city in Italy.

I mean, it’s such a cliché, isn’t it? Tourists always fall in love with Venice, even though the majority of us really don’t know much about the city beyond the canals and the gondolas. I spent a summer in Italy and Venice was definitely the city that had the most American visitors. Sadly, the majority of them didn’t do a very good job representing the U.S. in Europe. I’ll never forget the drunk frat boys who approached me one night, all wearing University of Texas t-shirts. One of them asked, “Are you from Texas?”

“No, sweetie, ah’m from up north.” I lied.

“You sound like you’re from Texas!” his friend said.

“No, ah’m not from Texas,” I said, “Sorry, y’all.”

I mean, that’s not something that would have happened in Florence or even Naples! In Rome, handsome men on motor scooters gave me flowers. In Venice, on the other hand, I had to deal with the same jerks that I dealt with back home!

That said, I still fell in love with Venice. And yes, it did happen while I was riding in a gondola. At that moment, I felt like I was living in a work of art. I can still remember looking over the side of the gondola and watching as a small crab ran across someone’s front porch. That’s when I realized that, by its very existence, Venice proved that anything was possible.

I’ve often heard that Venice is slowly sinking. That Venice has a reputation as being a dying city would probably have come to a surprise to the drunk Americans who were just looking for a girl from Texas that summer. And it would certainly come as a surprise to anyone who watched the 1989 concert film, Pink Floyd Live In Venice.

Just as with last week’s Pink Floyd concert in Pompeii, this was something that I watched more because of where it took place than who was performing. There are some very good Pink Floyd songs and there are others that are just silly and overly portentous. As well, I’ll always have mixed feelings about Pink Floyd due to the fact that — bleh! — Roger Waters was a founding member. Whenever I hear any of their songs, I automatically find myself looking for coded moments of anti-Semitism. Fortunately, by the time the band played in Venice, Waters had left the group. As a result, I didn’t feel quite as conflicted over watching the Venice concert as I did the Pompeii concert.

As for the show, the band performed while floating on a barge while some members of the audience sat in gondolas. It was a lovely sight that captured the otherworldly romance of Venice. The concert itself was a bit uneven, with the first half in particular dominated by songs that just seemed to go on and on and which often exposed the limits of lead singer David Gilmour’s vocal range. The second half was a greatest hits collection and it was a notable improvement. If Gilmour’s raspy vocals seemed limited during the first half of the concert, they were perfect for songs like Comfortably Numb and Money. The highlight of the concert and the film was undoubtedly the performance of The Great Gig In The Sky, which created a feeling of the heavens descending upon Venice.

In the end, Venice was the true star of the concert. For a dying city, it looked beautiful and vibrant. I can’t wait to return.

Scenes That I Love: Albert Finney Hates People In Scrooge

Posted on May 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today would have been the 88th birthday of the great British actor, Albert Finney!

And today’s scene that I love features Albert Finney in the role of history’s most famous miser. In 1970’s Scrooge, Finney played the title role and, early on, his worldview was perfectly captured by a song called I Hate People. Finny was only 34 when he played Ebenezer Scrooge but he does a wonderful job of bringing the character to life and he’s just as convincing when he’s being good as he is when he’s being bad. Finney is the main reason why Scrooge is my personal favorite of all of the versions of A Christmas Carol.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special J.A. Bayona Edition

Posted on May 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we wish a happy birthday to the great Spanish director, J.A. Bayona! It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 J.A. Bayona Films

The Orphanage (2007, dir by J.A. Bayona, DP: Oscar Faura)

The Impossible (2012, dir by J.A. Bayona, DP: Oscar Faura)

A Monster Calls (2016, dir by J.A. Bayona, DP: Oscar Faura)

Society of the Snow (2023, dir by J.A. Bayona, DP: Pedro Luque)

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.7 “Jar”

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters brings together horror and noir!

Episode 2.7 “Jar”

(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on November 1st, 1989)

Having been hired to find a missing woman, cynical private investigator Jack Bateman (Richard Edson) begins his investigation at the seedy bayou motel where the woman was last seen. However, Mr. Hallet and Jack are not the only people at the hotel. Ann Spiros (Gina Gershon) arrives with her loutish husband, the wealthy George (Ed Kovens). Ann wants to get rid of her husband and she and Jack seem to share an immediate attraction to each other. Does Mr. Hallet have something hidden away in all of his mason jars that could help Ann with that? Of course, he does. The show is called Monsters. This episode is called Jar. One doesn’t have to be a genius to figure out that something pretty extreme is about to happen in that isolated hotel and that it’s going involve something in a jar.

(Someday, remind me to write a post about all of the historical figures who had certain body parts preserved in a jar. I don’t know why that would happen but no matter. You can still see a few inches of Napoleon if you want to, though it might not be the part of him that you want to see.)

From the sultry saxophone on the soundtrack to the shadow visual style, this episode announces itself from the start as being an homage to film noir. It works far better than I think anyone would have any reason to expect. The bayou hotel is wonderfully atmospheric and steamy location. One can literally feel the humidity that runs through this episode. Though he was a bit young for the role, Richard Edson is a convincing hard-boiled detective. Gina Gershon, as always, is a perfect femme fatale and seems to relish the opportunity to keep the audience guessing as to he motivations. Ed Kovens is properly unsympathetic as the wealthy husband. (Can you imagine how unpleasant noirs like this would be if the husbands were decent guys who just minded their own business? It’s a good thing that they’re always louts.) Finally, Fritz Weaver gives a nicely eccentric performance as old Mr. Hallet. This episode is full of schemes and forbidden passions. Fans of noir will appreciate the episode.

What’s especially surprising is just how well the supernatural and the monsters are all integrated into the noir format. The monsters feel as if they belong in the story just as much as the hard-boiled detective and the sultry wife. It takes a while for the monsters to do their thing but when they do, they definitely make an impression.

Monsters can be a bit of uneven show. But Jar is definitely a triumph.

The Films of 2024: One More Shot (dir by James Nunn)

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s the night of the President’s State of the Union address and it appears that someone is planning to blow up the capital and spare everyone from having to sit through it. (Personally, I’ve always found the pomp and circumstance surrounding the State of the Union address to be the opposite of what the Founding Fathers probably envisioned. Presidents should go back to just sending Congress a note at the start of the year.) Unfortunately, the bomb itself is radioactive so, though Americans will be spared the speech, Washington D.C. will still be reduced to an atomic wasteland. Canceling the speech and the special Congressional session seems like an obvious solution but the President’s approval ratings are tanking and he’s hoping a good State of the Union will energize his reelection campaign.

Navy SEAL Jake Harris (Scott Adkins) has been tasked with escorting terrorist suspect Amin Mansur (Waleed Elgadi) from Poland to Washington so that CIA director Mike Marshall (Tom Berenger, looking generally annoyed) can interrogate Mansur about the location of the bomb. A Baltimore airport has been cleared out so that Mansur can be transferred to FBI custody with as little attention as possible. Marshall takes a few minutes to yell at Jake, because this is an action film and action heroes always get yelled at by their superiors. No sooner has Jake been yelled at then a bunch of mercenaries attack the airport. It turns out that they also want Mansur and they’re willing to kill everyone in the airport to both get him and to make sure that the bomb is properly delivered.

Jake finds himself fighting for his life and also in the position of having to protect the terrorist that he brought to America. However, as the night progresses, Jake discovers that Mansur is not the terrorist mastermind that he assumed and that the mercenaries are working for an enemy who is very close to home.

One More Shot is a sequel to 2021’s One Shot and, like that film, it’s shot and edited to make it appear as if the action is playing out in one continuous take. The camera never seems to stop roaming through the airport, occasionally catching a mercenary or sometimes even Jake hiding in the shadows and waiting for a chance to attack. It’s a gimmick but it’s an undeniably effective gimmick, one that is especially well-used in the film’s many battle scenes and which keeps the audience on its toes. One More Shot has some of the most effective gunfights that I’ve recently seen and a lengthy sequence where Jake, Mansur, and a few others attempts to drive their way through a gauntlet of mercenaries is as genuinely exciting as anything you’d expect to find in an action film with bigger budget.

In the end, One More Shot feels like a video game come to life, with everything that implies. One More Shot is an unapologetic action film, which is to say that this is not the film to watch if you’re looking for extensive character development or a nuanced debate about terrorism and American foreign policy. We don’t really find out much about Jake Harris, other than the fact that he’s a good shot and he’s not easily intimidated. Of course, that’s all we really need to know. It’s an exiting 100 minutes and that’s all that it really needs to be.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.15 “The Trigamist/Jealousy/From Here To Maternity”

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, both Doc and Captain Stubing try to get out of doing their jobs.

Episode 4.15 “The Trigamist/Jealousy/From Here To Maternity”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on January 17th, 1981)

Finally, Captain Stubing has found love!

He is totally smitten with passenger Linda Bradley (Pat Crowley) and Linda seems to like him as well. (Why wouldn’t she? He’s the Captain. No one wants to date the people who are in the bottom of the boat and shoveling coal in the furnace. The Captain is the one who has his own special table.) Stubing is soon spending all of his time with Linda. Vicki gets jealous. Myself, I’m wondering who is steering the boat.

Vicki gets so jealous that Linda eventually picks up on it and breaks things off with the Captain. The Captain is heart-broken but, when a contrite Vicki explains that Linda was just trying to protect her feelings, the Captain cheers up, Vicki agrees to accept Linda as a possible stepmother, and Linda promises to return for another cruise as soon as possible. Will we ever see Linda again? I doubt it. Charo seems to be the only performer who regularly returns to the Love Boat as the same character. We might see Pat Crowley again but she probably won’t be playing Linda.

This storyline, I could relate to. I’m a child of divorce and I’ll just say that I was Hell on anyone who I thought was trying to be either a new father or a new mother to me. So far, at least, the stories about the Captain and Vicki have always been handled well. Gavin MacLeod is always at his best when he’s playing the fatherly side of Stubing.

Captain Stubing is not the only person trying to get laid on this cruise. Doc Bricker — of course! — is eager to spend time with his latest girlfriend, Mona (Rebecca Holden), but he keeps getting summoned by the Talmadges. Betty Talmadge (Murphy Cross) is pregnant and her husband, Arthur (Michael Young), is worried that she’s going to give birth on the cruise event though she’s not due for another 9 weeks. “I was born on airplane!” Arthur yells at one point. Eventually, Doc tells Arthur that he should take up jogging to deal with his nervousness. Arthur ends up breaking his leg as a result. That, at the very least, confines him to his cabin but Doc is now so worried about him that he still can’t find time for Mona. Finally, as the ship docks in Los Angeles, Betty goes into labor.

Finally, Judge Joanne Atkinson (Nancy Walker) boards the ship and is surprised to see that Harrison Harper (George Gobel, who is an even less convincing womanizer than Doc Bricker) is also taking a cruise. The judge previously sentenced Harrison to probation for being a bigamist. The Judge and Harrison fall in love and get engaged. Of course, Harrison is also engaged to five other women. I’m sure it’ll all work out.

This was a weird cruise. The main theme seemed to be that both Doc and the Captain will do anything to avoid actually doing their jobs. Meanwhile, the Judge and Harrison’s relationship appears to be doomed from the start. Getting arrested and being sentenced to probation has done nothing to dissuade Harrison from getting engaged to everyone he meets. Julie looks worried as Harrison and the Judge leave the ship together and I don’t blame her!

As always, the ocean scenery was pleasant and I appreciated the sincerity of the scenes that Gavin MacLeod and Jill Whelan performed together. Still, I was kind of happy when the boat docked this week.

The Eric Roberts Collection: The Rebels of PT-218 (dir by Nick Lyon)

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2021 film, The Rebels of PT-218, takes place in 1943.

At the height of World War II, the Allies are on the verge of invading Italy and moving into Europe. General Omar Bradley (played by William Baldwin, who looks like Alec but sounds like Stephen) orders the SS Lawton, a small torpedo boat to help secure the port of Solano. It won’t be easy. The Atlantic Ocean is full of German U-boats and the Lawton is built to move cargo, not fight battles. But the Lawton is still the most powerful boat in the area and General Bradley believes in the abilities of the Lawton’s commander, Lt. William Snow (Eric Roberts).

However, Snow is eager to get into combat and defeat the Germans. In fact, he’s so gung ho to fight that some of Bradley’s assistants feel that Lt. Snow’s judgment can’t be trusted. Commander Barnes (Noah Blake) tells Ensign Kenneth Ford (Geoff Meed) to keep an eye on Snow and do everything he can to keep Lt. Snow on track.

The men of the SS Lawton, meanwhile, just want to man the guns, launch the torpedoes, and stop the Germans. They’re from all over the United States but they’ll be familiar to anyone who has ever seen a war film. Some of them are naive. Some of them are cocky and streetwise. One of them is played by Danny Trejo! Trejo plays Cookie, a former gunner turned cook. He delights in serving chorizos for dinner. Cookie has a mustache and a pony tail, which definitely do not feel like they would be within Navy regulations. After Cookie is wounded in action, a crewman tosses Cookie a machete and Trejo smiles like a man who has waited his entire life for that exact moment.

Historical accuracy? Who needs historical accuracy when you’ve got Danny Trejo and Eric Roberts in the same movie? Obviously, both Roberts and Trejo are a bit too old for their roles. Cookie would have probably retired from the Navy long before the bombing of Pearl Harbor. As for Roberts, one has to worry about any officer who is clearly in his 70s and still hasn’t achieved a rank higher than lieutenant. When Snow expresses his ambition to be promoted, you have to wonder if he’s hoping to be the world’s oldest admiral.

This film is an attempt to do an epic war story on a budget and it doesn’t quite work. One never feels that any of the characters are waking up everyday with the knowledge that this could be the day that they die. The ship and all of the characters are remarkably clean and fresh-faced throughout the film, with none of the grime nor grit that would have given the story a realistic edge. That said, Danny Trejo gets a few good lines and it’s always fun to watch Eric Roberts play an authority figure. In the end, the important thing is that America won.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

A Powerful Scene From Roberto Rossellini’s Rome, Open City

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Filmed in 1945, Roberto Rossellini’s Rome, Open City was one of the first films to be made about life under the Nazis. Uniquely, it was a film made by and starring the people who had actually experienced, firsthand, the occupation of Rome by the Germans and much of the film was based on their real-life experiences. The majority of the cast was made up of nonprofessionals and, largely because the city’s once-impressive studios and sound stages had been destroyed during the war, the film was shot on location, on the streets where many of the events depicted had actually occurred.

Rome, Open City follows a diverse group of characters who are all involved with the Resistance. When the film begins, it appears that the pregnant Pina (Anna Magnani) is meant to be the main character. However, in a scene that was considered quite shocking for the time, Pina is shot in the streets by the Nazis while chasing after a truck that is carrying away her fiancé. The scene captures both the casual brutality of the Nazis and the reality of living under an occupation. It’s a scene that reminds the viewer that evil is not sentimental, evil does not care that you are pregnant or that you’re planning on getting married, and that the forces of evil will do anything — including shooting an unarmed woman in the street — to maintain power.

The priest who tries to help Pina was based on Giuseppe Morosini, who was a member of the Italian Resistance and who was executed in 1944, shortly before the Nazis fled Rome and left the city to the Allies. Originally, Rossellini planned to make a documentary about Morosini’s life. When that project struggled to get off the ground, he instead incorporated Morosini’s story into Open City.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Roberto Rossellini Edition

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

118 years ago, on this date, the great Italian neorealist director (and husband of Ingrid Bergman and father of Isabella Rossellini), Roberto Rossellini was born in Rome. It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Roberto Rossellini Films