Lifetime Film Review: Psycho Escort (dir by Monika Lynn Wesley)


Psycho Escort is a film that epitomizes the concept of “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Put yourself in the shoes of Diane (Victoria Barabas).  She’s a widow and she’s still misses her husband so much that she can’t even bring herself to sleep in the master bedroom.  Instead, she sleeps in the guest bedroom, an exile in her own house.  She’s a single mother, trying to raise a young son who regularly comes home from school with a black eye.  On top of all that, she’s got a job that demands a lot of her time and she works with a bunch of people who are just waiting to stab her in the back.

But, it’ll all be worth it if she gets the big promotion and becomes a partner in the firm.  With a promotion, she’ll finally be making enough money to provide a little bit of security for her son.  And if that means that she has to miss an occasional soccer game and that she doesn’t get a chance to date much, so be it.

The only problem is that, in order to get that promotion, she’s going to have to suck up to the boss and that means going to company parties.  And showing up at those parties without a date would totally make her look like a boring loser.  Her sister has a helpful suggestion, though.  Why not hire an escort!?

No, not that type of escort!  Apparently, there’s a rent-a-date firm.  You send them some money and they send you a handsome man who will pretend to be your date or your boyfriend and who will basically charm everyone in your social circle and totally make all of your friends jealous.  Even though Diane is skeptical, she finally agrees to give them a call.  I mean, it seems like a good idea at the time.  They send over Miles (Nick Ballard).

At first, Miles seems perfect.  He’s charming.  He’s handsome.  Diane’s boss likes him and even invites him to play a round of golf.  In fact, Miles is such a hit that, when Diane has to go to another party, she calls the firm and requests Miles a second time.  Diane starts to open to Miles about her husband’s death.  Miles starts to open up about his wife’s death.  Soon, Miles is becoming more than just an escort.  Soon, he’s becoming a real boyfriend….

The only problem of course is that …. well, it’s right there in the title.  Miles is a psycho escort!  And soon, Miles is becoming just a bit obsessed with Diane, to the point that he’s willing to commit murder to prove his love….

Well, you know how it goes.  This is a Lifetime movie and, as I’ve said countless times, the fact that these films all follow a certain formula is one of the most likable things about them.  There’s something comforting about watching these films and knowing that someone is making a huge mistake that you would never make (except, of course, you totally would if you were in Diane’s situation).  Psycho Escort is elevated by the performance of Nick Ballard, who is dangerously likable in the role of Miles.  It’s easy to see how someone could fall for Miles and, as a result, Diane doesn’t come across as being as naive or willfully blind as one might expect.  Victoria Barabas also gives a very good performance as Diane and is especially effective when she’s talking about the death of her husband.  The trauma is obviously still with her and has left her vulnerable to someone like Miles.  As a result, you don’t quite roll your eyes as much at Diane as you might at some people who let a total stranger into their life.  There’s a reality to her situation that elevates the story.

Psycho Escort.  Watch it the next time you’re tempted to rent a date.

 

Lifetime Film Review: Killer Daddy Issues (dir by Danny J. Boyle)


“What a nice ranch!” I thought as I watched the opening scenes of Killer Daddy Issues.

Listen, I live in Texas.  I’ve grown up all over the Southwest.  I’ve seen a lot of really nice ranches and I’ve seen a lot of really mediocre ranches and the ranch in Killer Daddy Issues is definitely a nice one.  The scenery is green and bountiful.  The hills are covered with beautiful trees.  There’s a big river nearby.  Majestic horses run across the fields.  This is the type of ranch that you definitely want to visit.  Unfortunately, even the best ranches have their issues.

This ranch is currently owned by Grace (Carolyn McCormick) and her daughter, Carrie (Jillian Murray).  They inherited it and a good deal of money after the death of Grace’s husband.  However, a new man has entered Grace’s life.  Carrie is shocked when Grace returns from a five-day cruise with a new husband!  Reed (Chris Riggi) is handsome and charming and young enough to be Carrie’s brother.  Carrie takes an immediate distrust to Reed.  Despite Reed assuring her that he’s already independently wealthy and that he doesn’t have a criminal record, Carrie is convinced that Reed is only after her mother’s money.  Carrie’s suspicions are not eased when Grace is seriously injured during a riding accident.

Meanwhile, Sofia (Kristina Reyes) has made a shocking discovery.  She and her mother both work at the ranch and, while Carrie treats them with superficial respect, it’s still obvious that there’s a world of difference between their lives and the lives of Grace and Carrie.  When Sofia discovers that her father was Grace’s husband and that she’s actually Carrie’s half-sister, she’s not happy at all.  She’s been cheated out of the ranch that she views as her birthright.

Meanwhile, someone is wandering around the ranch with a rifle, taking shots at people.  Hmmm …. I wonder if that could have anything to do with all the other stuff that’s going on at the ranch?

Needless to say, there’s a lot going on in this movie.  Not only do you have a mysterious new husband who might be a murderous gold digger but you also have the issue of Sofia’s paternity.  One thing that really struck me about this film was just how unlikable Carrie and Grace are.  Even though they’re the main characters, both of them seem to be a bit too secure in their positions.  In the beginning, at least, Sofia is a far more sympathetic character because she does have a legitimate complaint.  She had been denied what rightfully should belong to her.  It’s a bit subversive actually.  Even though Carrie and Grace are presented as being the protagonists, it’s clear that the audience’s sympathy is meant to go to Sofia.

Anyway, this one is okay.  It crams three hours worth of plot into a 90-minute runtime and, as a result, the film does occasionally seem to be a bit overstuffed.  There’s a lot to keep up with.  But the ranch is gorgeous and Kristina Reyes gives an excellent performance as Sofia.  This is a good movie to watch on a weekend afternoon.

 

Lifetime Film Review: Beware of Mom (dir by Jeff Hare)


Okay, I absolutely love this movie.

When Anna (Cystal Allen) loses her husband and one of her daughters, all in one night, it doesn’t do much for her state of mind.  Even though the official report is that the fire that killed them was due to a gas link, this is a Lifetime movie and that means that they had to have been murdered.  And since the name of this movie is Beware of Mom, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to figure out that Anna must be responsible.  However, she didn’t mean to kill her daughter.  Sometimes, you’re just trying to murder your husband and these things happen.

Anyway, Anna and her remaining daughter, teenage Jessie (Monica Rose Betz), move to another suburb and try to start their life over.  Anna is one of those moms who is determined to be the “cool mom.”  She’s friends with musicians.  She has thousands of followers on social media.  She throws big parties at her house and encourages Jessie to stay out late with her friends.

Her new neighbor, Tanya (Rene Ashton), is not a cool mom.  In fact, Tanya is an extremely overprotective, controlling mom who is determined to make sure that her daughter, 16 year-old Kylie (Nicolette Langley), is not led down the wrong path.  She expects her daughter to not date, to not dress provocatively, to not post pictures of herself online, and to not stay out late.  Needless to say, Tayna is not happy about having Anna living next door, especially after Kyle and Jessie become friends and Anna starts to encourage Kylie to rebel.

Soon, Kylie is going to parties, posing online, and making out with a 34 year-old musician!  Tanya tells Anna to stay away from her daughter.  However, Anna is not one to take orders and she also knows both how to fake a break-in and how to poison someone in such a way as to make it appear as if they’ve had a heart attack.

Beware of Mom, indeed.

As I said at the start of this review, I absolutely loved this movie.  The plot is just so melodramatic and Anna is just such an entertainingly over-the-top villain that it was impossible not to love it.  I mean, to a certain extent, anyone watching this film will be able to relate.  I think everyone went through a period where they felt like their mom wasn’t giving them enough freedom or was being overprotective.  Everyone was jealous of the girl who had the mom who apparently let her do whatever she wanted.  This is a film that acknowledges that our jealousy was understandable and then goes on to explain that the reason why the cool mom let her daughter get away with everything was because she was an insane murderer who wanted to kidnap her daughter’s best friend.  It’s so crazy that you can’t help but love it.

It helps that Crystal Allen really dug into the role of Anna.  Whether she was murdering a stranger or encouraging underage drinking, Anna seemed to believe that all of her action were very reasonable and she seemed to be genuinely bewildered that anyone would object.  Allen was well-supported by the performances of the rest of the cast, especially Monica Rose Betz as her conflicted daughter.  It all added up to the type of suburban melodrama that we can all embrace.

Lifetime Film Review: His Fatal Fixation (dir by Stuart Acher)


His Fatal Fixation tells the story of Lilly Abrams, a woman who discovers that not even changing her name can ensure her safety.

Lilly (played by Sarah Fisher) is a physician’s assistant.  When we first meet her, she’s getting ready for a date with the handsome and successful Jason.  However, that date is interrupted by the sudden arrival of Spencer (Stephane Garneau-Monten), Lilly’s stalker.  According to Lilly, she and Spencer went on one date and Spencer has been following her around ever since.  He claims that he just wants to protect her but it’s obvious that the only person that Lilly needs to be protected from is him.

Since Spencer’s arrival ruins dinner, Lilly and Jason go back to her place and order a pizza.  Unfortunately, when there’s a knock at the door, it’s not the deliveryman.  Instead, it’s Spencer!  Spencer promptly stabs Jason to death and, after slashing Lilly’s face, he ends up falling out of a window.  It appears that Spencer’s dead but …. is he?

A few months later, Lilly is trying to rebuild her life.  She’s moved to a new city.  She’s changed her name to Stella Gordon.  She takes medication to help deal with her PTSD.  And, after visiting a plastic surgery clinic, she even manages to get rid of the nasty scar that Spencer previously left on her face.  The folks at the clinic like her so much that they give her a job.  Soon, Stella is even having an adulterous affair with her boss.  You know that you’ve made it once you start cheating with a married man.

Still, Stella is haunted by her past.  She has frequent nightmares and sometimes, she swears that she can feel Spencer watching her.  But isn’t Spencer dead?  Stella knows that he certainly looked like he was dead after he fell out of the window but how can she be sure?

Strange things start happening.  Someone sends her a dozen lilies, just like Spencer used to do.  People die mysteriously.  Is Spencer back or is Stella losing her mind?  While Stella wrestles with that question, she also grows close to a heavily bandaged patient named Joshua.  Soon, Joshua will be removing the bandages and he’s specifically requested that Stella be there to see his repaired face….

His Fatal Fixation is an enjoyably over-the-top melodrama from Canada.  It’s the type of film where it’s best not to worry too much about the plot.  Sure, there’s all types of plot holes and the film’s characters don’t always act in the most logical or reasonable of ways.  But if you treat the film as the cinematic equivalent of a trashy, sex-filled novel, it’s a lot of fun.  The director even manages to craft some genuinely creepy dream sequences.

Sarah Fisher has appeared in a lot of these films and she does a pretty good job of capturing both Stella’s fear and her hope that she’s actually found a new life, away from her stalker.  Before she became a Lifetime mainstay, Sarah Fisher played Becky Baker on Degrassi.  One of the things that I love about Lifetime films is that they often provide a chance to check in on how my favorite Degrassi cast members are doing.  (Since many Lifetime films are Canadian productions, it’s not surprising to that they tend to be full of Degrassi alumni.)  Fisher is not the only former Degrassite to appear in His Fatal Fixation.  Cory Lee, who played Ms. Oh on the series, also has a small but important role.

His Fatal Fixation is an enjoyable Canadian thriller.  See it with someone who isn’t stalking you.

Lifetime Film Review: Secrets In The Woods (dir by Sara Lohman)


I have mixed feelings when it comes to the idea of camping.

On the one hand, I grew up in the Southwest.  By the time I was 12, I had already lived in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, New Mexico, Colorado, and Louisiana.  My family moved a lot and there were times when we did live in the country.  I’ve spent time on farms.  I love the city a bit too much to ever be called a country girl but, at the same time, I could probably adapt if I ever had to enter the witness protection agency and they gave me a new life in rural Arkansas.

And, even though I currently live in the suburbs and spend as much time as I can in the city (or at least I did until this year started), I still enjoy a nice country vacation.  I enjoy going up to the lake.  Jeff and I usually go out to Mt. Nebo at least once a year.

So, camping is not necessarily something that I can’t do.  That said, I would be lying if I said that I’m really an experienced camper.  To be honest, I find the wilderness to be a bit creepy.  I’m the girl who jumps at every sound and who freaks out at the sight of a bug.  I may say that I’m spending the weekend up at the lake but what that means is that I’m spending the weekend in an air-conditioned lake house with WiFi and cable.  By that same token, going up to Mt. Nebo doesn’t mean actually camping out on a mountain.  It means staying in a nice cabin and making sure that there aren’t any wild animals wandering about whenever I step out on the front porch.

My point is that I could relate to Sandra, the main character in the recent Lifetime film, Secrets In The Woods.  As played by Brittany Underwood, Sandra is a smart, independent woman who may not have a lot of experience camping but who is determined to make the most out of the weekend that her boyfriend, Brant (Taylor Frey), has in store for them.  Brant is definitely a country boy and he’s looking forward to showing Sandra around the cabin where he grew up.

Brant seems like a nice guy but, from the start, the camping trip has its problems.  For one thing, a stop at a gas station leads to Sandra meeting a super creepy local who seems like he’s trying a bit too hard to be friendly.  Then, when Sandra arrives at the cabin, she finds a picture of Brant’s dead mom.  Though Sandra may not notice it, those of us watching immediately notice that Sandra and Brant’s mother share a physical resemblance.

A series of unfortunate events leads to Sandra injuring her foot and then losing the bag that not only had all of her clothes but also her shoes and the keys to Brant’s truck.  They’re stranded up at the cabin!  Brant says not to worry because his father will be along soon.  And if Sandra wants to change clothes, she can just wear some of his mother’s old dresses and….

Uhmmm, wait …. what?

Okay, seriously, if a guy tries to get you to wear his mother’s clothes, it’s a huge red flag.  I don’t care what the situation is.  Even if it means spending the entire weekend in just your underwear, you do not agree to your boyfriend suggesting that you wear his mother’s old dress.  YOU JUST DON’T!  Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Anyway, things get even worse when Brant’s father, Langley (Jim Klock), shows up and it turns out that father and son have been looking forward to trapping Sandra in the wilderness….

You’ll probably be able to guess where Secrets In The Woods is heading from the minute that Brant and Sandra first show up at the cabin but no matter.  The fact that movies like this are occasionally predictable is a part of a fun.  We know that Sandra’s making a mistake by trusting Brant and the real suspense comes from waiting for Sandra to figure out what’s going on as well.  Brittany Underwood is a sympathetic lead and she’s ably supported by Kabby Borders, who plays her sister.  Depending on what’s going on at any particular moment, Taylor Frey is both convincingly likable and convincingly creepy as Brant.  Meanwhile, Jim Klock turns Langley into a wonderfully hissable villain.

Secrets In The Woods is fun, as the best Lifetime films tend to be.  See it before you go on your next camping trip.

Lifetime Film Review: Ruthless Realtor (dir by Devon Downs and Kenny Gage)


So, imagine this scenario.

You’re young, you’re attractive, you’ve got a great career, and you’ve got a partner who is also young and attractive and who has a great career.  You’ve just arranged to buy a new home and it’s a big, beautiful, and surprisingly affordable house.  Of course, you suspect that the house has a history but then again, what house doesn’t?  It’s a little bit annoying that the lights keep randomly going out but that’s what you get for living in California.  So, you move into the house and it seems like everything’s perfect.

Except….

Your realtor simply will not go away!  It’s not enough that she showed you the house and arranged for you to purchase it and that she also apparently lied to the bank on your behalf (even though you certainly didn’t ask her to do that).  She also wants to be your best friend.  She wants to be a part of your family.  You simply cannot get rid of her….

That’s the situation in which Annie (Lily Anne Harrison) and her husband Ralph (Brian Ames) find themselves.  Annie’s a successful lawyer.  Ralph’s a photographer.  Annie’s pregnant with their first child.  The house is lovely.  Everything should be great.  But Meg (Christie Burson) simply won’t stop coming by the house!

Annie thinks it’s strange to come home and find her realtor cooking dinner in the kitchen.  Ralph thinks that it’s nothing to worry about but then, during a photography session, Meg tries to kiss him.  Ralph and Annie tell Meg to stop coming around but Meg keeps showing up.  The increasingly distraught Meg insists that someone was trying to break into the house and that the house itself has a dangerous history that Annie and Ralph need to know about.  Soon, Meg ends up in jail.

Problem solved, right?

Well, no.  Not only does Meg escape from jail but it turns out that there’s even more to Meg’s story than Annie and Ralph originally suspected….

I’ve always felt that one of the best things about Lifetime movies is that they always seem to take place in big houses and Ruthless Realtor proves my point.  The house really is gorgeous, regardless of how many have died inside of it.  When Annie tells her friend Lynette (Alexandra Peters) that she plans on staying in the house regardless of all the craziness going on around and inside of it, you can hardly blame her.  A big house like that?  A few murders are worth the risk!

Along with the big house, the other thing that I liked about Ruthless Realtor is that, as played by Christie Burson, Meg is literally the only likable character in the film.  Even though she’s obviously unstable and tries to break up a marriage, it’s impossible not to sympathize with her.  Annie and Lynette are both extremely self-righteous and full of themselves.  Ralph is painfully goofy.  But Meg actually believes in something and you have to feel sorry for her as she vainly tries to convince Annie that something terrible has happened at the house.  It should be noted that the film seems to fully understand that Meg is a hundred times more likable than any of the other characters and it takes good advantage of that fact with a few twists during the final half of the film.

Ruthless Realtor is an entertaining-enough Lifetime film.  If nothing else, it deserves to be seen for Christie Burson’s performance as Meg and for that beautiful house.

 

Lifetime Film Review: Adopted in Danger (dir by Craig Goldstein)


DNA tests are tempting, aren’t they?

I mean, I’ve often been tempted to get one, even though I pretty much know all about my family history.  My maternal grandmother was born in Spain while my grandfather’s parents came to this country from Italy.  On my father’s side of the family, everyone is pretty much Irish with a little bit of German and French mixed in.  Despite the fact that I know all of this, it’s still tempting to do the whole DNA thing because then I’d have percentages to go along with my family history.  Percentages make every story better, or so I’ve heard.

Of course, there’s a lot of other people who get DNA tests because they’re hoping that they’ll turn out to have a really badass ancestor or that they’ll find some evidence that they’re actually more interesting than they appear to be.  Remember when Elizabeth Warren got that DNA test that proved she had less Native American ancestry than the average American?  That’s not a story that you’ll see repeated in a 23andMe commercial but it’s one that I found fascinating as an example of the importance that people put on having interesting ancestors.  I mean, technically, what’s wrong with saying, “Yes, my family’s boring but I’m not?”  Instead, we all want to say, “I’m interesting and so is everyone who has ever shared my DNA!”

That said, I’ll still probably never get a DNA test.  People always assume that DNA tests and ancestry research are going to bring them good news (“and then I discovered that I’m descended from the first person to ever open up a fast food restaurant in the state of Wyoming and it just changed everything….”) but it seems to me like they’re just asking for trouble.  Sure, you might be descended from a great and respected historical figure.  Then again, you also might discover that the people you thought were your parents stole you from the hospital.  You might discover that your father was actually the Goatman or something.  (It could happen.)  I mean, seriously, why take the risk when you can just take your grandmother’s word that, just because some your ancestors fought with Franco in the Spanish Civil War, that doesn’t mean that they necessarily agreed with him about everything.

In Adopted in Danger, Candace (Allison Paige) actually does have a fairly good reason for wanting to get a DNA test.  She’s adopted and she has no idea who her birth parents are.  At the very least, she would like to know where she came from just so she can have a complete medical history before she and her husband try to start a family.  That certainly seems reasonable but, unfortunately, it turns out to be a lot more trouble than its worth.  Candace’s DNA indicates that she’s the daughter of real estate developer Tom Mason (Jason Brooks).  However, when Candace goes to see Tom and tells her that he’s her father, Tom refuses to consider the idea.  Tom, in fact, accuses her of just being after money and kicks her out of his office.

Why is Tom so adamant that he’s not Candace’s father?  That’s something that Candace and her friends investigate, in between drinking a lot of wine.  And I do mean a lot of wine.  I think this film may have set a record as far as scenes involving friends drinking wine and discussing DNA might be concerned.  However, all of that wine cannot stop the murderous schemes of a powerful family with a secret to hold and soon, Candace finds herself and everyone she knows being targeted.

The main problem with Adopted in Danger is that it’s fairly predictable.  I kept waiting for a big twist that would reveal that there had been a mix-up with the DNA or that Tom Mason was some sort of imposter or something that would have taken me by surprise but nope.  There’s no mix-up with the DNA.  Tom Mason is Tom Mason.  It’s just he comes from a terrible family and they don’t want anyone to know that Candace is his daughter.  Everything plays out the way you would expect it to play out.

That said, if you’re going to solve a mystery, you might as well do it while hanging out with your two BFFs.  DNA, in Adopted in Danger, may show where you’re from but but your friendships and your lovers show who you are and that’s not a bad message at all.

Lifetime Film Review: Engaged To A Psycho (dir by Sam Irvin)


After dating for a very long time, Deanna (Anna Hutchison) and Karl (Jason-Shane Scott) are finally getting married!

Yay!  Everyone loves a big wedding!

And, even before Karl asks Deanna to marry him, he’s purchased a large house for them to live in!

Yay!  Everyone loves a big house!

But first, Deanna needs to meet Karl’s family and that means going to an even bigger house!

YAY!  EVERYONE LOVES AN EVEN BIGGER HOU….

Wait a minute …. Deanna hasn’t met Karl’s family, yet?

Seriously, everyone, that should be a big red flag.  I don’t care how rich your boyfriend is, you don’t accept his marriage proposal before you’ve met his family.  After all, his family could be …. well, the could be crazy.  Or they might meet you and then decide that they don’t like you or maybe they like you but they still think that their son (or brother or stepbrother) could do better.  Or — and this especially happens in Lifetime movie — someone might start murdering all the members of your wedding party.

All of that happens in Engaged To A Psycho.  Engaged To A Psycho premiered on the Lifetime Movie Network back in May but, according to the imdb, the film was actually around a while before making it’s official LMN premiere.  It played in Canada back in 2018 and then, in 2019, it showed up on television in the UK, Spain, and France.  At the time, it was known as Murder at the Mansion.  By the time it premiered here in the States, the name had been changed to Engaged To A Psycho.  (Lifetime was going through a Psycho cycle.  Try saying that six times fast.)

Anyway, regardless of the title, Engaged To A Psycho is a fun little movie.  As soon as Deanna shows up at, she meets Karl’s mother, Ivy (Audrey Landers) and his adopted sister, Ruby (Melissa Bolona).  Ivy makes it clear that she thinks her son could have done better than Deanna.  Ruby, meanwhile, is almost too friendly and seems to be trying way too hard to convince Deanna that Deanna is welcome in the family.  It soon becomes obvious, than even though the family is living in a gigantic mansion, the rooms and the hallways are full of secrets, lies, and murder.  Soon people are dying all over the place.

One thing I liked about Engaged To A Psycho is that there were plenty of POV shots from the killer’s point of view.  It gave the whole a film a sort of giallo feel while also hiding the killer’s identity.  It also led to a lot of scenes of people looking straight at the camera and saying stuff like, “I knew it was you!  Wait here while I go tell everyone!”  Well, needless to say, the killer isn’t big on waiting.

The other thing I liked about Engaged To A Psycho is that it had a sense of humor about itself.  Ivy is so extremely unimpressed by Deanna that it actually becomes rather hilarious how dismissive she is.  It doesn’t matter how many times Deanna nearly gets killed, Ivy refuses to accept her word that there’s something strange going on.

I liked Engaged to a Psycho.  There were a lot of murders, a lot of archly delivered dialogue, and a lot of big houses.  What more can you ask for?

Lifetime Film Review: Deadly Daughter Switch (dir by Ben Meyerson)


Does it never occur to anyone in a Lifetime movie to not let a stranger move into their house?

That was my main thought as, earlier today, I watched Deadly Daughter Switch.  Deadly Daughter Switch, which I DVR’d off of the Lifetime Movie Network back in April, tells the story of two families.  One family is rich and lives in a really nice house and sends their daughter to a really nice school.  The other family is not rich, which means that they live in a slightly smaller house and the mother has to work at a coffee shop.

When Brooke (Lindsay Hartley) and Carter Jenkins (Matthew Pohlkamp) discover that their teenage daughter, Hailey (Tu Morrow), is not actually their daughter, they take their story to the media.  They ask that anyone who was born on the same night and at the same hospital as Hailey take a DNA test.  It turns out that Hailey is actually the daughter of Alexis (Hannah Barefoot) and that Alexis has been raising Brooke’s biological daughter, Breanne (Jane Widdop)!

If that’s not complicated enough, a counselor at the hospital comes up with the bright idea that Hailey should spend time with Alexis while Breanne should spend time with Brooke and then the girls can decide by whom they ultimately want to be raised.  Alexis points out, quite reasonably in my honest opinion, that Brooke obviously has more money than her and that she probably lives in a better school district and that the end result of this experiment will probably be Brooke having two daughters and Alexis having no one.  Still, they all agree to take the counselor’s advice because I guess the counselor is the voice of God or something and you have to do what she says even if it doesn’t make any sense.

Anyway, it turns out that Alexis was right about Breanne wanting to get away from her.  However, it’s not just that Alexis has less money than Brooke and Carter.  It’s also that Alexis is a little bit insane.  Alexis loses her job at the coffee shop after she kills her boss.  Then Alexis kills the volleyball coach who she claims is Breanne’s biological father.  Then Alexis kills her alcoholic, white trash boyfriend.  Alexis, of course, manages to make all of these deaths look like accidents because Alexis may be poor-ish and she may be dangerously unstable but she’s not stupid.

Anyway, seeing as how everyone in her life is dead, the Carters invite Alexis to come stay with them.  “Do you think we trust Alexis too much?” Brooke asks Carter.  Gee, Brooke, why would you ask that?  Is it because Alexis is obviously plotting to murder you?

Anyway, if it sounds like I’m being critical of Deadly Daughter Switch, I’m not.  I actually rather enjoyed it.  A part of loving Lifetime films is that you come to accept all of the strange premises and the melodramatic plot twists.  You don’t ask why.  You don’t question logic.  You just accept it and follow it to its conclusion.  These films are meant to be the cinematic equivalent of a paperback novel that read over the course of an afternoon.  Hence, the more melodramatic the better.  Hannah Barefoot was an energetic killer and the Carter house was really big and nice and it looked like it would be a fun place to live.  And really, isn’t that all you need?

Seriously, though, don’t invite just anyone to come live with you.  You never know what they might be secretly plotting.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #212: Her Deadly Groom (dir by Jared Cohn)


Last night, I turned over to Lifetime and I watched Her Deadly Groom!

Why Was I Watching It?

How couldn’t I watch it?  It was on Lifetime.

Last night, I realized that it had bee forever since I last watched and live tweeted a Lifetime film.  Some of that was due to some changes in my schedule.  On Saturday night, I now co-host the Scary Social live tweet, which means that I usually have to DVR and watch Saturday’s Lifetime movie at a later date.  And, admittedly, some of my absence from the Lifetime front just had to do with just pure exhaustion at the state of the world.  When you spend 7 days straight hearing about how the world is going to end, you often just want to spend Sunday meditating or sleeping or, at the very least, dancing.

But, regardless of what else may be happening, I love Lifetime movies and I always have.  Last night, I was determined to watch Her Deadly Groom and I’m glad that I did.

What Was It About?

Allison (Kate Watson) is divorced from George (Eric Roberts), an alcoholic and a serial philanderer.  She now lives with her daughter Nicky (Elyse Cantor) and Nicky’s boyfriend, Jake (Jacob Michael) and she has a nice specialty peanut butter business going with her friend Brenna (Kelly Erin Decker).  One thing that Allison says she doesn’t need in her life right now is another man.  Brenna, however, disagrees and creates an account for Allison on a dating site.

Soon, Allison has met Vincent Black (Michael DeVorzon), who is handsome, charming, and psychotic.  Fear not, that’s not a spoiler.  You know that Vincent is dangerous from the minute you first see him because 1) he pushes his previous girlfriend off a cliff and 2) this is a Lifetime movie.  Anyway, Vincent is soon dating Allison and it looks like they’ll soon be married.  What Allison doesn’t know is that Vincent has taken out a huge life insurance policy on her….

What Worked?

Eric Roberts was in this film!  Admittedly, he had a small role but still, he’s Eric Roberts and he’s always a lot of fun to watch.  Plus, in this film, there was a neat little twist involving his character and Roberts did a great job playing it.

One thing I liked about this film is that Vincent may have been charming and lucky but he wasn’t always the most clever con artist around.  He wasn’t one of those super villains who you occasionally come across in a film like this.  Instead, he was just a con man who knew how to manipulate people but who also understood that he would only be able to successfully fool people for a limited amount of time.  As a result, he didn’t waste any time when it came to putting his plans into action and that created some suspense.  We knew he wasn’t going to wait forever to make his move.  Vincent was a wonderfully hissable villain.

The mother-daughter relationship between Nicky and Allison felt real and both Kate Watson and Elyse Cantor did a good job of bringing their characters to life.  I appreciated the fact that, even though Allison may have been naive when it came to Vincent, she wasn’t stupid.  She was just someone who got legitimately conned by a sociopath.

Finally, this was a Lifetime film so all of the house were to die for.  Seriously, never underestimate the importance of a big house in a Lifetime film.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked.  This was a fun Lifetime movie.

“Oh my God! Just Like Me” Moments

I related to Brenna, mostly because we’ve both fallen down a flight of stairs.  Of course, nobody had to push me.  I’m just a klutz when it comes to stairs.

Lessons Learned

If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.  Oh!  And always check to see if your man has taken out a life insurance policy on you.