Horror Film Review: Zoltan, Hound of Dracula (dir by Albert Band)

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Were you aware that Dracula owned a dog? And that dog was a vampire? And that dog’s name was Zoltan?

It’s true! Or, at least, it’s true according to a low-budget 1977 film called Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula.

Zoltan opens with a bunch of Russians unearthing an underground tomb that, we’re told, once housed Dracula. Inside the tomb, they find two coffins. One contains a man with a stake in his chest. The other contains the body of a dog that has a stake in its chest. Foolishly, the Russians remove the stakes and bring back to life both Zoltan and Veidt Smit (played by a very creepy-looking actor named Reggie Nalder, who also played the vampire in the made-for-tv adaptation of Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot). Veidt is a former servant of Dracula who can walk around in the daylight. As for Zoltan — well, he’s Dracula’s dog. His eyes glow. He has gigantic fangs. He’s a vampire dog!

It turns out that, in order to survive, Veidt and Zoltan have to find the last human descendant of Dracula and turn him into a vampire. So, Veidt and Zoltan had to Los Angeles and start to stalk family man Michael Drake (Michael Pataki). Drake (and yes, his last name was shortened from Dracula) has little knowledge of his heritage. Oddly enough, we’re told repeatedly that he’s the last member of the Dracula bloodline but he has two kids so it seems like they would actually be the last descendants of Dracula and…

Oh, who cares!? Why are we worrying about logic when it comes to reviewing a film called Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula?

Michael and his family leave Los Angeles so that they can spend the weekend at a campground and, needless to say, they are followed by Zoltan and Veidt. Soon, Zoltan is turning every other dog in California into a vampire and chasing Michael and his family.

Fortunately, a vampire hunter (played by Jose Ferrer) shows up and offers to help Michael survive. But will his help be enough?

Okay, so Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula is technically a pretty bad film. The budget is very low. Director Albert Band doesn’t really bother much with things like subtext or suspense. With the exception of the genuinely intimidating Reggie Nadler, the actors pretty much just go through the motions. But, with all that in mind — how can you not love a film called Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula? It’s fun because the film is just so ludicrous. Criticizing a film like this for being bad ultimately feels like being way too much of a scold.

Add to that, there’s a vampire puppy! And yes, he is just adorable!

I have to say that I am very disappointed that Zoltan did not make an appearance in last year’s Dracula Untold. Hopefully, any future Dracula movies will make room for Zoltan. He may have been a vampire but seriously, Zoltan was a good dog!

Horror on The Lens: Don’t Go To Sleep (dir by Richard Lang)

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s horror on the lens, we present Don’t Go To Sleep!

In this TV movie from 1982, a little girl is killed in a horrific car crash. Her family blames themselves for her death and they really should. The father (Dennis Weaver) was drunk. The mother (Valerie Harper) didn’t keep her drunk husband from driving. Finally, the girl’s brother (Oliver Robins) and sister (Robin Ignico) were playing a prank on her when the car crashed. By tying her shoe laces together, they made it impossible for her to get out of the car.

However, they’re not the only ones who blame themselves. The dead girl blames them as well. When the family moves out to the country and attempts to heal, the girl’s ghost goes with them. And soon, she is encouraging her sister to kill the other members of the family.

And that’s just what happens.

Seriously, this movie took me by surprise. For a movie that made for network television in 1982, it’s a surprisingly dark film that doesn’t shy away from graphically killing off most of the cast. It’s a surprisingly effective little film and you can watch it below!

(Thank you to my wonderful cousin, Toni Posados, for recommending this film!)

Horror on TV: The Twilight Zone 1.17 “The Fever”

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s horror on TV, we have an episode of The Twilight Zone entitled The Fever. In this one, Franklin (Everett Sloane) and his wife Flora (Vivi Janiss) visit Las Vegas. Franklin detests gambling but, once he finds himself in Vegas, he finds himself being pursued by a slot machine that, literally, calls his name.

This episode was written by Rod Serling and directed by Robert Florey. (Reportedly, Serling wrote it after losing a good deal of money in Vegas.) It originally aired on January 29th, 1960.

I like this episode. Everett Sloane, who played the beloved Mr. Bernstein in Citizen Kane, gives a great performance and the taunting slot machine starts out as slightly ludicrous but then becomes genuinely menacing as the episode reaches its conclusion.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Zero in and Scream (dir by Lee Frost)

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I have to admit that there’s one very simple reason why I decided to watch and review the 1970 thriller/horror/softcore/sniper mayhem film, Zero In And Scream. And that reason was that the movie is only 63 minutes long. Seriously, when you’re writing for 7 different sites while working during the day and living during the night, there are times when you simply have to say, “That 4-hour epic from the Ukraine looks like it’s a great movie but I’ve only got time for an hour-long, low-budget excursion into cinematic obscurity.”

Zero In and Scream (and that’s great title, by the way) is about Mike (Michael Stearns). Mike has really impressive hair and a deep tan. (Perhaps the scariest part of this film comes when Mike undresses and we are confronted with his pasty white tan lines.) I was going to comment on the fact that Mike also spends a good deal of the film wearing a really ugly and really wide tie but then again, this movie was made in 1970, so I guess that’s to be expected.

Mike has some issues that go beyond questionable fashion choices. He simply cannot get a girlfriend. Maybe it’s because he’s an extremely moralistic jerk who says things like, “When a man climbs on top of a woman, she becomes ugly!” Or maybe it’s because he spends almost all of his spare time holding and stroking a very phallic rifle. Whenever Mike spots a couple making love, he shoots the man and allows the woman to remain pure.

Mike spends his spare time at the local strip club where, for reasons that aren’t quite clear, one of the dancers (Dawna Rae) decides that she likes this weirdo and she invites him to come to a party at her place. The party is tres decadent in a 1970 softcore sort of way so, as you can imagine, Mike freaks out.

Will Mike be able to control his homicidal urges? Will he listen to the radio reporter who, at one point, begs the killer to turn himself in because, “It’s obvious that you’re not in control of yourself!” Or will he just continue to just wander around with his rifle while having flashbacks?

For the most part, Mike’s issues are just an excuse to get as many naked bodies on screen as possible, with a good deal of the film’s 63 minutes being taken up by a surprisingly well-shot underwater orgy scene. Zero In and Scream doesn’t really work as horror film or as a thriller but I’m still recommend it for all of my fellow history fanatics. Like many a worthy grindhouse film, Zero In and Scream is a time capsule of the era in which it was made. Until we get our hands on a time machine, films like this are as close as we will ever come to personally experiencing the 70s.

Add to that, Zero In and Scream is worth watching for its abrupt but clever final shot. It may not be a particularly good film but it has a great ending!

(In case you hadn’t already guessed, Zero In And Scream is available from Something Weird Video.)

Horror Film Review: Smile (dir by Francesco Gasperoni)

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

One of the most often repeated stories about the tribes that live along the Amazon River is that, when they first met “civilized” explorers, they refused to have their pictures taken because they feared that that the camera would steal their souls.

Now, I’m not sure if I believe that story. It sounds like one of those stories that’s just a little bit too perfect and metaphorical. But, it’s still a neat idea because, when you think about, cameras really are fascinating devices. They literally freeze time and they produce images that are full of details that you might have originally missed.

To me, a camera with supernatural powers seems like the natural subject for a horror movie. Obviously, Italian director Francesco Gasperoni agreed with me because he directed Smile, a 2009 film about a camera with supernatural powers.

Smile deals with a group of European college students who are taking a road trip through Morocco. Our eight friends are all equally attractive, equally shallow, and equally destined for a bad end. Seriously, as soon as they first appear, driving through the desert in a jeep and doing bong hits, you know that they’re all doomed.

Clarissa (Harriet McMasters-Green) is determined to photograph the entire trip but, when her camera is stolen, she’s forced to search for a replacement. Luckily, she comes across a mysterious man (played by veteran actor Armand Assante) who is willing to give her an old camera. Of course, Clarissa accepts his offer and, needless to say, the camera is like totally cursed. It turns out that Assante is a former crime scene photographer and anyone who has his or her picture taken with the camera will subsequently die…

Smile is hardly a perfect film but I enjoyed it for what it was. The characters are just shallow enough that it’s not upsetting when they all start getting killed and Gasperoni makes good use of the desolate Moroccan setting. The idea of the haunted camera is a clever one and Assante is properly menacing. While the film might occasionally be somewhat predictable and the film’s plot is pretty much dependent upon every character doing the stupidest thing possible, the film does feature an effectively mean-spirited ending.

(Again, it helps that none of the characters in the film are all that likable.)

As much as I was hoping that it would be a throw back to the classic Italian horror films of Bava, Argento, and Fulci, Smile really can’t begin to compare. That said, Smile is entertaining for what it is. At the very least, it won’t steal your soul.

Horror on the Lens: Manos: The Hands of Fate (dir by Harold P. Warren)

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I should start things off with a confession. This is actually not the first time that I’ve shared Manos: The Hands of Fate here on the Shattered Lens. I previously shared it on October 8th of 2013 and I even used the exact same picture of Torgo.

However, Manos proved to be such a popular choice that I simply had to post it again. As I pointed out two years ago, Manos has a reputation for being one of the worst films ever made. And, honestly, who am I to disagree? However, it’s also a film that is so bad that it simply has to be seen.

By the way, everyone who watches Manos ends up making fun of Torgo, who was played by John Reynolds. What they may not know is that Reynolds committed suicide shortly after filming on Manos wrapped. So, as tempting at it may be to ridicule poor Mr. Reynolds’s performance, save your barbs for Torgo and leave John Reynolds alone.

And be sure to enjoy Manos: The Hands of Fate!

Horror on TV: Baywatch Nights 2.2 “The Creature”

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s horror on TV, we have another episode of Baywatch Nights! In this one, David Hasselhoff and friends battle a half-woman, half-fish creature named Silver Eyes! That’s right — it’s basically Killer Mermaid all over again but this time, David Hasselhoff’s involved!

And yes, it’s just as silly as you’d think. But that’s okay. Sometimes, we need a little silliness…

This episode, entitled The Creature, originally aired on October 6th, 1996.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: The Dead Live (dir by Darrin Patterson)

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“It’s madness! Madness, I tell you!”

— Alex Travis (Emily Hughes) in The Dead Live (2006)

So, this is what it comes down to. There’s a lot of very critical things that you can say about the 2006 zombie film, The Dead Live. You can complain about the wooden acting. You can talk about the terrible special effects. You can talk about the numerous continuity errors and you can also point out that this film drags on for 120 minutes. Myself, I would complain about the repetitive heavy metal soundtrack. (What is the deal with amateur zombie filmmakers and heavy mental?) Judging from the comments over at the imdb, the number one complaint about this film is with the sound. To put it simply, it’s often time impossible to hear what anyone’s saying in The Dead Live.

But, with all that in mind, The Dead Live does feature brave journalist, Alex Travis (played by Emily Hughes), shouting, “It’s madness! Madness, I tell you!” And any movie that features “Madness, I tell you!” in the dialogue cannot be considered all bad.

Add to that, this film features a scene where an unfortunate guy gets shot in the head. However, before the trigger is pulled, the guy shouts, “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” and the action suddenly starts moving in slow motion. Even the “NOOOOOOOOOO!” is heard in slow motion. And, as I’ve said in the past, I love the slow mo of doom.

Oh! And I did I mention that, towards the end of the film, someone shouts, “STOP OR I’LL SHOOT! ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE!?”

And then there’s the visit to the Savini County Morgue in Romero, Ohio (that’s right — Savini County and Romero, Ohio), which turns out to be located in an office. The director plays the coroner. He also plays the sheriff, a member of a SWAT Team, and a zombie.

Before we get too snarky, I’ve read a FAQ at the imdb, one which I have a reason to suspect was written by the director himself. This was Darrin Patterson’s first movie and, assuming that he is the author of the surprisingly detailed FAQ, he admits that this film was largely a learning experience.

And, as easy as it is to criticize The Dead Live, there’s an odd sort of charm to just how thoroughly and totally inept this movie really is. I think it’s because we all secretly know that, if we ever got a chance to make a movie for only $10,000 and with no professional help whatsoever, we’d probably end up making something just as bad.

The phrase is overused but The Dead Live is literally “so bad that it’s good.” It’s a shame that the film doesn’t have a cult following. If you can appreciate Birdemic or April Rain, you can probably appreciate The Dead Live.

Horror Film Review: The Lazarus Effect (dir by David Gelb)

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I finally saw The Lazarus Effect and … bleh, who cares? You may remember that the Lazarus Effect came out earlier this year and it got some attention because it was one of the first horror films to be theatrically released in 2015. But then the reviews came in and they were all awful. And then the movie opened in theaters and audiences saw it and soon, social media was full of tweets and updates about how disappointing the film was. I meant to see it but the movie just kind of came and went. Looking at my records, I can see that — when the Lazarus Effect was still in theaters — I instead chose to see Kingsman, Cinderella, and Maps to the Stars.

But, last night, I finally found the time to watch The Lazarus Effect and … well, I think I made the right decision skipping it. The Lazarus Effect is about a bunch of scientists who discover a serum that can be used to raise the dead. For instance, they use it to bring back to life a dog but guess what? The dog isn’t very happy to be back and he spends most of the movie glaring at every human that he sees. One of the scientists (played by Olivia Wilde) worries that the dog may have happily been in “doggie heaven” and now resents being brought back to life. Mark Duplass, playing her boyfriend and fellow scientists, laughs at her but it turns out that Wilde had a point.

The other scientists are played by Donald Glover and Evan Peters. There’s also a videographer, played by Sarah Bloger, who is there to record all of the experiments. You may notice that I’m not using any character names and that’s because the characters themselves are not that memorable. You remember them because of who played them and not because of anything that the character may have said or done. It’s true that The Lazarus Effect has a pretty good cast but it doesn’t matter because none of them are really given anything worthwhile to do. It’s not so much that anyone gives a bad performance — though the usually very effective Mark Duplass certainly does come close — as much as it’s just a case that the characters just aren’t that interesting. They’re all recognizable stereotypes and, if you can’t exactly predict the order in which they all die from the minute they show up on screen, you obviously haven’t seen enough horror movies.

Anyway, after they bring the dog back to life, Olivia Wilde ends up getting electrocuted so, of course, Mark Duplass decides to use the serum to bring her back to life. Needless, that was a big mistake. Not only does she return with a lot of super powers but it appears that Wilde left her soul in whatever afterlife she was inhabiting.

So, now, you’ve got an angry Olivia Wilde wandering around and killing people…

And it should be interesting but it’s not. The idea has promise but the movie does nothing new or unusual with it and the talented cast mostly just goes through the motions. The Lazarus Effect ends with the promise of a possible sequel. Let’s hope it’s a promise unfulfilled.

A Blast From The Past: The Skeleton Dance

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, it’s the 14th of October. Halloween is just two weeks away! Have you bought your costume yet? Have you tracked down a big bag of candy for all the trick or treaters? Do you have the Silver Shamrock jingle stuck in your head? Are you ready for Halloween?

If you’re not, why not watch today’s blast from the past because I guarantee that it will help to improve your Halloween spirit! First released in 1929, The Skeleton Dance was the first entry in Walt Disney’s iconic Silly Symphonies series. As you can guess from the title, it features dancing skeletons and it’s simply adorable. (It also features some black cats hissing at each other and you know I loved that!)

This was directed and produced by Walt Disney and animated by Ub Iwerks.

Enjoy!