Remember Glenn Manning, the unfortunate “hero” of The Amazing Colossal Man?
The previous film may have ended with Glenn plunging to his apparent death from the Hoover Dam but, believe it or not, he survived! Unfortunately, he didn’t survive well. Now, he’s even bigger and he’s even angrier. Plus, he’s massively disfigured. The once articulate, if cranky, Amazing Colossal Man is gone. Now, he’s a Colossal Beast!
That’s the story behind the 1958 film, War of the Colossal Beast! In this sequel, Glenn is back and the army once again has to find a way to control him. Needless to say, it all leads to a final confrontation near Los Angeles’s Griffin Observatory, which means that War of the Colossal Beast is not only a sequel to Amazing Colossal Man but it’s also a bit of companion piece to Rebel Without A Cause!
(Speaking of companion pieces, am I the only one who associated the end of Colossal Man with those commercials that MSNBC used to show of Rachel Maddow going on and on about how only a nation could build the Hoover Dam? Never say “Lean forward” while you’re standing on top of a dam.)
Anyway, War of the Colossal Beast has a totally different cast from Colossal Man and a somewhat different feel. That said, the Colossal Beast makeup — that eye socket freaks me out! — is memorable and, like the previous film, it’s fun in a 1950s B-movie sort of way.
So, my original plan for tonight and tomorrow was to post the Graduation Day two-part season 3 finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But, without any warning, Hulu has decided that they are no longer going to offer season 3 of Buffy for free. Now, if you want to watch season 3, you have to subscribe to Hulu.
And, quite frankly, that’s not a bad idea. I subscribe to Hulu. I like it. But, at the same time, if you’re going to advertise a show as being free then it should at least remain free until November.
Anyway, the point is that I like subscribing to Hulu but I’m not going to demand that our readers do the same thing just so they can watch something on this site. So, with Buffy no longer an option, I’m instead going to share an episode from another supernatural show from the 1990s. On Baywatch Nights, David Hasselhoff battled supernatural creatures while defending the beaches of California. And it’s all just as campy and silly as you might think.
And, even better, every episode of Baywatch Nights is available (for free!) on YouTube. (Or, at least they are until the copyright holder finds out…) Anyway, here’s the 1st episode of the 2nd season of Baywatch Nights. It originally aired on September 29th, 1996 and it features David Hasselhoff and a sea monster!
Seriously, I am surprised to see such a snarky plot description for Old Man. I’m assuming that it was written by someone who watched Old Man and didn’t care much for the film. Considering that Old Man currently has a 3.4 rating on the IMDb and has been voted on by 49 users … well, that’s 49 suspects for you.
But, honestly, that plot description isn’t even that accurate. For one thing, it’s not a house where “a murder supposedly took place.” Instead, it’s a house where at least 13 murders definitely took place. The murderer was named Walter Bowden and he was nicknamed the “Old Man,” presumably because he was 65 years old and old people are scary. Walter ended up murdering his wife and his son and then he hung himself. But is it possible that his ghost still haunts the house?
Of course, it ‘s possible! In fact, it’s not only possible but it’s what actually happens!
The other part of that plot description that I take issue with is the claim that “Nonsense ensues.” It’s not nonsense, it’s ghostly mayhem!
In defense of whoever wrote that plot description, they were correct when they stated that a married couple — Linda (Erika Stone) and Michael (Jason Kulas) — does move into the house. Michael knows why they got the house for cheap but he never bothered to tell Linda. And when Linda starts seeing and hearing odd things, Michael dismisses her concerns. Why do men always do that? Look, guys, if we say that there’s a big scary ghost in the closet, there’s a big scary ghost in the closet! We don’t need you to go check inside the closet, we need you to find a new house…
Anyway, Linda eventually meets a strange man (Kevin Cirone) who tells Linda about the house’s background. Linda, needless to say, is not happy. (As for Michael, he’s mostly jealous that his wife has made a new friend.)
Despite those 49 IMDb users, Old Man is not that bad. Erika Stone is a sympathetic heroine and the Old Man himself is properly intimidating. Old Man is better than your typical ultra low-budget, shot-on-video horror film. The only nonsense is to be found in that IMDb plot description! Snark is a powerful weapon. Don’t waste it on a perfectly inoffensive little film like Old Man.
How did I see Old Man? It was included as a part of the 6-movie, 2-disc Depraved Degenerates set from Pendulum Pictures. It’s probably the best movie included in the set.
Last night, the Alamo Drafthouse hosted a special one-night showing of an infamous horror film. It was a film that was first released in 1985, the same year that I was born. It was a film that was obviously made for a very low-budget, featuring a cast of unknown actors, many of whom appear to have been amateurs. Much like Savage Weekend, it was a remarkably inept film that somehow managed to work almost despite itself. It was also a film that featured a scene with a giant fishing hook that made me and my BFFs Evelyn and Amy all go, “AGCK!” at the same time. The name of the film? The Mutilator.
That’s right, The Mutilator. Say what you will about this film, you can’t criticize that title. When you see a movie called The Mutilator, you know exactly what you’re getting into. And, though the film does get off to a bit of a slow start, it does ultimately live up to that incendiary title. There is a lot of mutilation to be found.
(And some it involves getting stabbed in the vagina with a giant fishing hook … AGCK!)
The film also features perhaps the most brilliantly generic theme song in the history of the movies. It’s called Fall Break and it’s all about teenagers having a good time. There’s no mention of fish hooks or anything else like that! Instead, it sounds exactly like something you’d expect to hear in a Crown International high school film, like The Pom Pom Girls or The Beach Girls. Just listen to the song below and tell me that it isn’t the most insidiously generic thing that you’ve ever heard.
Anyway, as for the film itself, it opens with a kid named Little Ed finding a shotgun and accidentally shooting his mother in the back. This leads to his father, Big Ed (Jack Chatham), becoming a drunk and declaring that his son will pay for what he has done.
Jump forward several years later and Ed Jr. (Matt Miller) is now in college. When Big Ed calls and demands that Ed Jr. spend his fall break taking care of their beach house, Ed Jr. is reluctant to take the job. But then his friends convince him that this would be a great chance for all of them to spend their fall break hanging out on the beach.
When they finally reach the beach house, Big Ed is nowhere to be found. Ed Jr. figures that Big Ed has already gone back home. After all, Big Ed’s battleaxe — which he usually leaves hanging on the condo wall — is gone. “Dad loves his battleaxe,” Ed Jr. explains.
Of course, what Ed Jr. and his amazingly stupid friends don’t realize is that Big Ed is still in the house. He’s in the basement, surrounded by empty bottles and sleeping with his battleaxe. When Big Ed wakes up and discovers that his son and his friends are in the condo, Big Ed decides to kill them all.
And that’s pretty much what he does.
The Mutilator was directed by Buddy Cooper and the end credits are full of other people named Cooper. This was Buddy’s only film and, for the most part, it’s definitely an amateur production. And yet, that amateurishness works to the film’s advantage. The start and the middle section of the film are so inept that when the murders start and when they turn out to be shockingly brutal and the gore effects turn out to be surprisingly effective, it’s a total shock.
Along with that fish hook (Agck!), we also get decapitations, drownings, strangulations, pitchforkings, and disembowlement by outboard motor. Making all of this all the more disturbing is that nobody really struggles or screams and tries to escape while being attacked. Instead, it’s almost as if they all realize that they’re in a slasher movie and the appearance of Big Ed and his latest weapon of choice almost puts them in a trance. It’s as if almost all of them have accepted their fate. And I realize that’s probably more due to inept directing and bad acting than anything else but still, it gives the film a disturbingly dream-like feel. In the end, The Mutilator becomes one of those films that should not work and yet somehow does.
The Mutilator will be released on Blu-ray by Arrow Video in September.
For today’s horror on the lens, we present the 1957 film, The Amazing Colossal Man!
Directed by Bert I. Gordon, The Amazing Colossal Man tells the story of what happens when Lt. Col. Glenn Manning (Glen Langan) is exposed to an atomic blast, the force of which not only burns off his clothes but leaves him bald as well! At first, everyone is convinced that there’s no way Glenn Manning will survive but, to everyone’s surprise, he does survive.
And he starts to get bigger!
That’s right — radiation does the craziest things!
Soon, Glenn’s a giant and he’s not very happy about it. As the government tries to keep both the accident and the mutation a secret, Glenn grows more and more bitter and angry. And it certainly doesn’t help matters when the scientists decide they want to inject him with a giant syringe.
Seriously, you’ve got to see this syringe!
Anyway, The Amazing Colossal Man is one of those fun sci-fi films that elitist critics love to criticize. But you know what? If you’re watching a movie like this because you want to nitpick every little detail, you’re missing the point. The Amazing Colossal Man is a 1950s B-movie and, when taken on those terms, it’s a lot of fun.
Add to that, Glen Langan really throws himself into the title role!
This episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer made me cry the first time I saw it. And it’s made me cry every time that I’ve watched it since.
(Along with She’s All That, It also left me with a totally unrealistic expectation of what my senior prom would be like but that’s okay.)
The Prom originally aired on May 11th, 1999.
(10/13/2015 update: Oh my God, y’all! I am so pissed off at Hulu right now! This entire show was available when I first created this post. And now, that I’ve actually published it, Hulu suddenly just wants to provide a 90-second preview. Please accept my apologies.)
— Monique (Beverly Lynne) in Hell’s Highway (2002)
It certainly is, Monique! It certainly is.
Hell’s Highway is a stretch of road that runs through the desolate California desert. The side of the road is decorated with crosses, each signifying another person who lost her or his life on the road. There are only a few cars on this lonely stretch of highway. One car belongs to a serial killer who dresses as a priest. Another car is being driven by veteran porn actor Ron Jeremy, who ends up getting castrated in close-up.
And then there’s a group of college friends on a road trip. They drink beer. They smoke pot. They occasionally stop to camp out on the side of the road. And they also pick up a hitchhiker named Lucinda (Phoebe Dollar).
Picking up Lucinda was probably a mistake because, as soon as she gets in the car, she starts talking about how much she enjoys killing people. She then pulls out a gun and tells them, “My name’s not really Lucinda but it’s close enough.” The road trippers manage to kick her out of the car and drive away.
But it’s not that easy to get rid of Lucinda!
The next day, they once again come across her hitchhiking. They run her over and then drive off with her large intestine still wrapped around the back bumper.
And yet, Lucinda continues to reappear! No matter how many times they destroy her, Lucinda always returns…
Like so many of the films that I’ve reviewed for this October, Hell’s Highway is included in the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares box set. Like every other film included in that set, Hell’s Highway is a low-budget, direct-to-video gorefest that doesn’t really waste much time with anything as mundane as plausibility. And yet, for what it is, Hell’s Highway is actually pretty effective. Lucinda makes for an effectively creepy villain and all of her victims are so unlikable that you won’t feel too bad when they get killed.
Perhaps best of all, Hell’s Highway ends with one of those out-of-nowhere twists that makes so little sense that it becomes oddly brilliant. Just when you think the film can’t get any stranger or any more implausible, it goes there. And it goes there with such conviction that you can’t help but slightly admire it.
Perhaps despite itself, Hell’s Highway works surprisingly well.
When I say “George Romero,” you probably immediately think of zombies. And why not? Night of the Living Dead is perhaps the best known zombie film ever made and Dawn of the Dead is perhaps the second best known. Day of the Dead and Land of the Dead both have their fervent admirers. Without the work of George Romero, there would be no Walking Dead. Without the zombie films of George Romero, countless children would have never grown up to become horror filmmakers. Without George Romero, there would have been no Italian zombie films, which means that I would never have fallen in love with Italian horror and I wouldn’t have been tweeting about it that day in 2010 when Arleigh asked me if I wanted to be a contributor to this website.
Seriously, we all owe a lot to the zombie films of George Romero.
And yet, interestingly enough, Romero’s best film was one that did not feature a single zombie. In fact, it’s a film that, despite the delusions of some of its characters, does not feature a single supernatural element. It’s definitely a horror film but the horrors of the 1978 film Martin are the horrors of the human mind.
Martin (John Amplas) is young, nervous, socially awkward, and enjoys drinking blood. The sun makes him slightly uncomfortable, though it does not make him burst into flames. He has frequent black-and-white flashbacks, in which he sees himself pursued by villagers carrying torches and pitchforks. Occasionally, Martin calls up a radio talk show and has actually gained an audience of listeners, who only know him as “the Count.” Martin believes himself to be a vampire. Of course, he’s not. Instead, he’s just a creepy and mentally unbalanced necrophiliac.
Unfortunately, for Martin, his extremely religious uncle Tateh Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) is also convinced that Martin is a vampire. Martin’s parents have died and Cuda has agreed to allow Martin to live with him in the dying industrial town of Braddock, Pennsylvania. As soon as Martin arrives, Cuda greets him as “Nosferatu” and tells him that if he kills anyone in Braddock, Cuda will pound a stake into his heart.
(Of course, what Cuda doesn’t know, is that Martin already murdered a woman during the train ride from Indiana to Pennsylvania.)
Upon arriving at his new home, Martin works at Cuda’s butcher shop and, defying his uncle’s orders, gets to know his cousin Christine (Christina Forrest). Martin finds himself torn between his fantasy life as a vampire and the chance to lead a normal existence in Braddock. He meets a bored housewife, Mrs. Santini (Elyane Nadeau), and soon is having an affair with her but he still finds himself driven to search for blood.
Meanwhile, Cuda watches and continues to sharpen his stake…
Martin is a dark and grim (and yet, at times, darkly humorous) portrait of two people living under a shared delusion. Just as Martin gains satisfaction by imagining himself as being a supernatural vampire known as the Count, Cuda feels that his purpose in life is to protect the community from bloodsuckers like his nephew. Both of them need the other to function but they’re equally destined to destroy each other. Amplas and Maazel both give excellent performances and Romero captures a tragic sort of beauty to Braddock’s decay.
Martin may be one of Romero’s less known films but it’s also one of his best.
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.
For today’s Horror on The Lens, we present 1980’s He Knows You’re Alone!
He Knows You’re Alone is an old school slasher film, which means that it’s basically about one stalking killer and a bunch of people who have absolutely no common sense. The gimmick here is that the slasher is stalks young brides-to-be. Admittedly, this is all pretty standard stuff, though the film does have a clever opening and features some good cinematography and —
OH MY GOD, IS THAT TOM HANKS!?
Yes, He Knows You’re Alone is the debut film of Tom Hanks and he’s so young in this film that he still has a chin. He plays a college student named Eliot. Nowadays, He Knows You’re Alone is usually described as “starring Tom Hanks” but actually, Tom’s role is pretty small. But he’s still probably the most likable person in the film.
Anyway, He Knows You’re Alone is an above average slasher flick and it’s definitely not safe for work so stop watching movies while on the clock! Wait until you get home to enjoy He Knows You’re Alone!
Through the Shattered Lens 