Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.8 “The Kleptomaniac/Thank God I’m A Country Girl”

Posted on March 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, we’re reminded that Fantasy Island is apparently the country music capitol of the world.

Episode 6.8 “The Kleptomaniac/Thank God I’m A Country Girl”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 11th, 1982)

Fred Simpson (Sherman Hemsley) is a kleptomaniac. Whenever he sees anything shiny, he hears a bong in his head, explosions occur behind his eyes, and he has to steal it. He always returns what he steals and pays back his friends but it’s still ruining his life. No one trusts him. He comes to Fantasy Island looking to be cured. Mr. Roarke assigns Tattoo to keep an eye on Fred on the Island. Unfortunately, Fred is still driven to steal an expensive necklace from courier Emily Carlisle (Roxie Roker). Fred and Tattoo end up in jail! Poor Tattoo!

(Seriously, what did Roarke think would happen when he gave that assignment to Tattoo?)

Now, to be honest, I’m not sure that Fred actually got his fantasy. He and Emily do fall in love and he leaves the Island with her but I’m not sure his kleptomania was cured. Maybe Emily will provide whatever was missing from his life that caused him to steal. This episode is somewhat progressive in that acknowledges that kleptomania is an uncontrollable impulse, one that is usually linked to trauma. (After my parents got divorced, I went through a phase of regularly skipping school so I could shoplift makeup from Target. It was probably a cry for help on my part, though it just seemed like an adrenaline rush at the time.) Still, what happens if Fred and Emily break up? Fred’s got a serious problem and I hate to think that he spent all that money to come to Fantasy Island just so he could go home and get tossed in prison.

Meanwhile, Loretta Wentworth (Loretta Lynn) works at the local Fantasy Island diner. Lorraine Wentworth (Heather Locklear), the daughter that Loretta gave up for adoption years ago, is coming to the Island to meet her mother for the first time. Loretta’s fantasy is to be rich for the weekend. Roarke gives her a nice house and a bunch of servants. Lorraine is impressed until her jerk of a fiancé (Ted McGinley) tries to put the moves on Loretta. In the end, things work out, of course. Lorraine and Loretta grow close. Loretta and her friends board a bus and say they’re going to Nashville so that Loretta can pursue her country music career. How is anyone going to drive from Fantasy Island to Nashville? There’s a big old ocean in the way.

This episode really didn’t do much for me, despite the presence of Heather Locklear and Ted McGinley. It was nice to see Tattoo get involved in someone’s fantasy and Roarke got to give a speech about the true meaning of love but neither fantasy really worked for me. Loretta Lynn was a great singer but a very stiff actress. This trip to the Island was not as memorable as it could have been.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.7 “Roller Derby Dolls/Thanks A Million”

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, things get strange on the Island!

Episode 6.7 “Roller Derby Dolls/Thanks A Million”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 4th, 1982)

Norman Hackett (Vic Tayback) is a sports fanatic who wants to coach his own athletic team. Oddly, he doesn’t specify what type of team he wants to coach. I would think that would be the first thing that a true sports fanatic would make clear. “I want to coach the….” Well, I can’t think of the names of any teams off the top of my head. I’m not a sports person so …. okay, he could have said he wanted to coach the Cowboys. You happy? Yes, I’m from North Texas and our football team sucks, Even I’m embarrassed by them and I don’t even follow football. I’d be tempted to coach the Rangers except I know Erin would get mad at me if the team didn’t make it to the championship. We also have a hockey team called the Stars but Leonard is the biggest hockey fan I know and, if anyone here at TSL deserves to coach hockey, it’s Leonard. What’s that, you say? The Mavericks? Ehh. I hate basketball. Those squeaky shoes drive me nuts. Plus Mark Cuban’s been kind of annoying ever since he decided to run for President in 2028.

Anyway, I’m rambling because this episode really wasn’t that interesting. Because Norman didn’t make it clear what he wanted to coach, Mr. Roarke gives him a whistle and then introduces him to the Belles, an all-female roller derby team. It turns out that roller derby is a big deal on Fantasy Island! There’s a roller derby rink and everything. It also turns out that Norman’s check bounced so, if he abandons the Belles, he’ll have to pay Mr. Roarke even more money …. wait, what? Shouldn’t Norman just be sent home or something? And doesn’t Roarke know enough to make sure the check clears before inviting someone to the Island? No wonder Tattoo used to be in charge of the money.

Speaking of money, Suzanne (Janet Leigh), Roger (James Noble), and Eddie (Art Metrano) come to the Island to take part in a contest. The winner will get $1.000.000 from a mysterious benefactor. The benefactor, by the way, is actually Eddie and it turns out that the entire contest is a private bet between him and Mr. Roarke. Eddie thinks that people will do anything to get money. (This is largely true. Up until a few weeks ago, this moronic woman was trying to sue my dead father’s estate for half a million. Fear not, she got nothing.) Roarke believes that people are good at heart. Eddie puts Suzanne and Roger through a series of increasingly dangerous tests to see how far they’re willing to go. In the end, both Roger and Suzanne prove themselves to be good people, though Suzanne is the one who gets the money. Roarke wins his bet and we’re left wondering how all this came about in the first place. (Seriously, how does Roarke even know Eddie?)

Anyway, this was kind of a strange trip to the Island. I’m not really happy about an episode of Fantasy Island featuring a story that isn’t really a fantasy. Still, at least the scenery was nice. That’s a beautiful island!

Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.11 “The Watch Commander”

Posted on March 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, a new boss gets on everyone’s nerves!

Episode 3.11 “The Watch Commander”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 17th, 1979)

There’s a new watch commander and he’s not making any friends. Lt. Harold Bates (Granville Van Dusen) previously worked in the PR Department at Sacramento and he sets out to make a bad impression from the minute that Sgt. Getraer first introduces him to the cops working out of the Los Angeles precinct. Lt. Bates is all about following the book. He notes every flaw, from a missed button to poor gas mileage. Getraer tries to get him to understand that there’s more to being a cop than just following regulations and that being a member of the Highway Patrol means having to make split-second decisions. Bates wants to know why Ponch isn’t wearing a regulation shirt.

In some ways, this is as close as CHiPs will ever get to The Caine Mutiny. Nobody removes Bates from command but Bates still struggles to recover from making a terrible first impression and his own Queeg-like personality doesn’t help things. His attempts to call out the members of the Highway Patrol who get the worst gas mileage backfires when Officer Grossman siphons gas out of Bates’s car, leading to Bates appearing at the bottom of the list. Bates has no idea how to talk to or trust people. Jon Baker tries to offer a helping hand, especially since both he and Bates served in Vietnam. He invites Bates to go skydiving with him over the weekend. Bates assumes it’s a set-up and turns him down.

We do get the usual car crashes and a subplot about a bunch of thieves who are stealing trucks from loading docks but the majority of this episode takes place at headquarters. Ponch, who is said to still be on limited duty, is recovering from his accident and one gets the feeling that this episode was developed so Erik Estrada could be a part of the story without actually having to spend too much time on his bike. (Estrada actually did injure himself during filming and those injuries were written into the show.) In some ways, this is CHiPs at its most realistic because everyone always hates the new boss, especially one who thinks that he knows everything.

Going back to The Caine Mutiny, it was impossible not to feel sorry for Queeg, who was not a bad guy but instead just someone who wasn’t good at talking to people and who ultimately was let down by the people who should have been supporting him. I never felt that type of sympathy for Bates, who really did just come across as being a jerk. Thank goodness for Robert Pine, whose steadiness as Sgt. Getraer is well-used by this episode. Pine is there to support Bates but he also protects his men. This episode features Getraer at his most likable. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a Getraer in their life.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.9 and 3.10 “Drive, Lady, Drive”

Posted on February 17, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s a special two-hour episode of CHiPs!

Episodes 3.9 and 3.10 “Drive, Lady, Drive”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 10, 1979)

The police at nearby Palma Vista are on strike and the state of California has agreed to allow some members of the Highway Patrol to patrol the town until the strike is over. Getraer assigns Baker, Ponch, Bear, and some new guy named Lenny (Leon Isaac Kennedy) to head over to the town, Baker is named the OIC, which I eventually figured out stood for “Officer in Charge.” Getraer knows better than to give the job to Ponch.

Ponch, by the way, is back! After being absent for two episodes due to Erik Estrada actually injuring himself in a motorcycle crash, Ponch returns in this episode and he goes through the entire episode with this huge grin on his face as if he’s saying, “You know you missed me.” Ponch’s return means that Baker is once again relegated to being the strong, silent partner who doesn’t really get to do anything. In fact, Baker crashes his motorcycle early on in this episode, as if the show was trying to tell us, “See? It could happen to anyone!”

The striking cops accuse Baker, Ponch, Bear, and Lenny of being scabs and strike breakers. I’m not really a fan of public sector unions. (When it comes to the police striking, my hero is Calvin Coolidge, who came to fame when he broke up a policeman’s strike in Massachusetts.) Still, it felt strange to watch the show’s heroes cross that picket line. That would definitely not happen on television today.

There’s a lot going on in Palma Vista. There’s some rich kids who keep joyriding in a dune buggy and who think they can escape prosecution by crossing the city limits. (Joke’s on them! The Highway Patrol has jurisdiction everywhere!) There’s some truck hijackers who are setting up a headquarters in town. There’s an angry city councilman (Michael Conrad) who doesn’t feel his children should be held accountable for their actions.

That said, the majority of this two-hour episode centered on a stock car race and one of the racers, Candi Wright (Kelly Harmon). Will Candi win the big race or will she lose to her friendly rival (and possible future romantic partner) Don Croyden (Jordan Clarke)? Will Ponch be able to both date her and do his job? And most importantly, will she be able to adopt a traumatized little girl (played by Tracey Gold) who Candi discovered outside of a burning house? That’s a lot of storylines for someone who wasn’t even a regular cast member and a part of me wonders if maybe this episode was meant to be a secret pilot for a Candi Wright television series. It would explain a lot.

This really was a basic episode of CHiPs, with the only real difference being that it was two-hours long for some reason. A lot of what happened in the episode, especially the racing footage, felt like filler. There was really no need for this to be a double-sized episode. It also doesn’t help that, as opposed to the lovely Los Angeles scenery that we usually see, this episode took place in a rather ugly town. There was some appropriately spectacular crashes but, in the end, this episode ran too long and felt a bit pointless. Get the Highway Patrol back on the highways!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”

Posted on December 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season three begins with a classic episode!

Episode 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on September 22nd, 1979)

It’s the roller disco episode!

From the moment that I first announced that I would be watching and reviewing CHiPs for this feature, people have been telling me about the legendary roller disco episode. Having finally reached it, I can say that it lived up to the hype. You’re not likely to see anything more 70s than the third season premiere of CHiPs.

Now, this was a two-hour episode so there were actually quite a few subplot going on, all of which were typical CHiPs storylines. In no particular order:

A kid named Mark (Bobby Rolofson) is roller skating around the beach and idolizing three criminals. Can Baker show him that the good guys always win?
The three criminals are Lita (Helena Kallianiotes), Ty (Fred Williamson), and Romo (Jim Brown). Lita sets up the targets. Ty and Romo steal their purses and their wallets and then escape on roller skates. Ty and Romo are tired of breaking the law. Lita demands that they continue to steal. Eventually, it falls to Baker and Ponch to arrest them.
Carlin (Larry Linville) and Franco (Larry Storch) continually cause accidents on the highway.
Rock star Jimmy Tyler (Leif Garrett) is so tired that he sleeps through one of those accidents. Looking to break free from his well-meaning but overbearing manager (Bill Daily), Jimmy decides to manage his own affairs while staying at Jon Baker’s apartment.

There’s a lot going on but the main plotline is Ponch trying to find celebrities to take part in the annual highway patrol fund raiser. Even with his big smile, Ponch struggles to charm the celebs. He pulls over Ed McMahon at one point but fails to recognize him until McMahon drives off. Gatraer tells Ponch that police work comes first but also tells him that he has to find celebrities. Gatraer’s been giving Ponch a hard time ever since the first season. Some things never change.

Fortunately, Jimmy feels guilty for overstaying his welcome at Baker’s apartment and he makes it up to Baker and Ponch by asking his celebrity friends to take part in the fund raiser. It’s time for a roller disco with the stars!

It all leads to this classic scene:

I recognized a few of the stars, though certainly not all of them. I recognized Victor French because I’ve been reviewing Highway to Heaven. I’ve also seen enough old sitcoms that I immediately recognized Robert Mandan, who was apparently the best roller skater in Hollywood. Melissa Sue Anderson, I knew from Happy Birthday To Me. Cindy Williams, who got two shout-outs, I knew from American Graffiti. Is it just me or did Nancy Kulp look kind of lost? Neither Melissa Sue Anderson nor Cindy Williams seemed to want to talk to her.

The roller disco actually goes on for fifteen minutes, which I appreciated. The show promised a roller disco and it delivered. It was like stepping into a time machine and traveling to the 70s. It was a great way to start season three!

Because of the holidays, this is going to be my final CHiPs review of 2024. My reviews of this show will return on January 6th!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 2.23 “The Greatest Adventures of CHiPs”

Posted on December 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the second season of CHiPs comes to a close. Now, if you don’t remember much about what happened during the first two seasons of the show, don’t worry. This finale has got you covered. But first, let’s watch the opening credits and chair dance to the CHiPs theme song.

Episode 2.23 “The Greatest Adventures of CHiPs”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 12th, 1979)

With Ponch and Baker absent from the morning briefing because they’ve gone to Bakersfield to teach a class, Sgt. Getraer announces to the assembled members of the High Patrol that they have been nominated for an award for going beyond the normal call of duty. Everyone’s totally excited for Ponch and Baker. Armed with a bulky 70s tape recorder, Grossie asks everyone for their favorite Ponch and Baker stories so that he can write a speech honoring them….

Yep, it’s a clip show.

It’s not just any clip show, either. It’s a 90-minute clip show. Of course, there’s only about fifteen minutes of new footage. The rest of it is made up of scenes of Baker yelling at motorists and Ponch smiling. Even when CHiPs attempts to show why both of them deserves a reward, it’s obvious that Baker does all the work and Ponch gets all the credit.

I understand the logic behind clip shows. They’re cheap and it allows almost everyone to have the weekend off. They’re not very entertaining to watch, though perhaps they carried more weight in the days before streaming and DVRs ensured that you could rewatch your favorite scenes whenever you wanted to. They are, however, very easy to review.

This clip show marks the end of the show’s second season. A clip show always seems like a weak way for a season (much less a show) to go out but again, I get it. Everyone’s tired. Everyone wants to head to Cabo for the summer. Get us out of here! CLIP SHOW!

(That said, this clip show does get some credit for including some pretty groovy disco footage! SOLID! Estrada gets to do his Travolta impersonation while everyone watches and claps.)

The second season of CHiPs was actually pretty entertaining, even if it is kind of silly just how much the show highlights Ponch over Baker. Technically, of the two of leads, Larry Wilcox was the better actor but Erik Estrada always seemed like he was having more fun. The second season had a few dud episodes but it also had its share of spectacular stunts and a lot of lovely California scenery. Sindy Cahill being perfect at everything got old pretty quickly but at least Arthur “Grossie” Grossman was around to provide some comic relief.

Well, that’s it. There’s not too much you can say about a clip show. Next week, we’ll start season three!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

Posted on November 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 6th, 1982)

Once again, Julie is not involved in either of this week’s fantasies. At the start of the episode, Roarke tells Tattoo that Julie has been trying to help a guest whose fantasy was to introduce “women’s lib” to cavemen. A woman then runs by while being chased by a caveman. Apparently, the fantasy did not go well. I’m a bit worried that Julie might lose her job because none of the fantasies that she’s involved with ever seem to go well.

As for this week’s guests, Chuck Conners shows up as Frank Barton. Barton is a big-game hunter. He has hunted and conquered almost every type of animal. Now, he wants to hunt the most dangerous animal of all …. okay, okay, you’ve heard all this before. This is not the first time that Fantasy Island has looked to The Most Dangerous Game for inspiration. However, this is the first time that the show has featured a hunter who specifically wants to stalk Mr. Roarke.

It’s a bit of an odd fantasy, though. Frank doesn’t want to chase Mr. Roarke through the forest or anything like that. Instead, Frank just wants to plant booby traps around the Island. If Mr. Roarke survives 24 hours, he’ll be fee to set a few traps of his own. Roarke agrees, explaining to Tattoo that, if Frank doesn’t come after him then he’ll go after someone else. Roarke is doing the world a favor by distracting Frank.

Frank tries, he really does. He tries poison. He tries explosives. Even though Mr. Roarke agrees not to use any of his “special powers,” he always manages to stay a step or two ahead of Frank. Finally, Frank kidnaps Tattoo and that’s when Mr. Roarke says enough of this. If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. Roarke beat up a guest, this is the episode for you. Frank ends up leaving the Island in the custody of two burly men who are apparently going to check him into a mental hospital. Frank got his fantasy but it didn’t turn out well for him. At least he wasn’t trying to reason with cavemen….

Meanwhile, Suzi Swann (Helen Reddy) comes to the Island with her boss, fashion designer Jack Becker (George Maharis). Suzi is in love with Jack but Jack takes her for granted. Suzi’s fantasy is to fall out of love with him and …. wait a minute! Didn’t Helen Reddy sing “I am Woman?” Why is the show wasting her time with this fantasy when they could have cast her as the guest who wanted to teach the cavemen about equality? If they had done that, Julie could have worked with Helen Reddy and Roarke and Tattoo would have been free to concentrate on Frank and his homicidal fantasy! I mean, I think it was a mistake to give Roarke two assistants for this season but if you’re going to have Julie around, at least let her take part in one of the main fantasies….

Oh well. Let’s get back to the fantasy that actually did happen.

Roarke gives Suzi some magic gumdrops that were apparently made with special Fantasy Island berries. The gumdrops make Suzi feel the opposite of whatever she previously felt. She takes one and immediately announced that she doesn’t like either Roarke or Tattoo. “You’re short!” Suzi says to Tattoo which …. ugh. That’s a terrible line, considering that the show has previously always treated Tattoo’s height with a good deal of sensitivity.

Suzi is no longer in love with Jack and instead, she finds herself attracted to the mysterious Claude Duvalle (James Darren). But the fact that she is no longer willing to be Jack’s doormat leads to Jack realizing that he failed to appreciate her. Jack falls in love with Suzi and Suzi falls back in love with Jack.

As Suzi and Jack leave together, Tattoo suggests that Rorake failed to give Suzi her fantasy. Roarke explains that Suzi fell out of love with the old Jack but then she fell in love with the new Jack so actually, he totally succeeded. Uhm….whatever you say, Mr. Roarke.

Roarke then takes a magic gumball and tells Tattoo, “I don’t like you.”

AGCK! But actually, the gumball makes its user for the opposite of what they actually feel so Mr. Roarke actually does like Tattoo! Awwww! I’m glad that’s cleared up.

I enjoyed this episode. Much like last week’s episode it felt like a throwback to the first two seasons of Fantasy Island. Neither fantasy really made much sense but both Roarke and Tattoo got to do a lot and that really made all the difference. Fantasy Island always works best when Roarke and Tattoo are more than just bystanders.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.5 “Country Blues/Daddy’s Little Girl/Jackpot”

Posted on November 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher almost gets rich!

Episode 5.5 “Country Blues/Daddy’s Little Girl/Jackpot”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 31st, 1981)

I have to admit that I groaned a bit when I saw that Florence Henderson was going to be one of the passengers on this week’s cruise. I still haven’t quite recovered from the trauma of reviewing The Brady Bunch Variety Hour and, whenever Florence Henderson showed up on any of these shows, she always had to sing a song. Florence wasn’t a bad singer but she wasn’t a particularly interesting one either. I remember that she always seemed like she was trying too hard to be Barbra Streisand whenever she performed a song of the Brady Bunch Variety Hour. Her version of Broadway and easy listening was always adequate without being very memorable.

And, on this cruise, Florence does sing. She’s playing Annabelle Folker, a country singer who is hired to provide entertainment for the cruise. She sing a few country songs and speaks with a thick (and not very convincing) country accent. Annabelle is happy to discover that her childhood friend, Martin Correll (James Noble), is on the cruise with his uptight girlfriend and campaign manager, Barbara (Carol Lawrence). Martin — or Blinky as Annabelle calls him — is thrilled to be reunited with Annabelle. Barbara is less enthused and she eventually tells Annabelle that, if Martin is ever going to be a success in politics, he can’t spend all of his time with a country singer who says whatever pops into her head. What’s weird is that Annabelle decides that Barbara is right. She and Martin aren’t meant for each other. Martin is too much of a career politician. In the end, Martin leaves with Barbara and Annabelle leaves alone. It was a weird story. Annabelle came across like a stalker but Barbara wasn’t particularly sympathetic either. Martin was just kind of wimpy.

Meanwhile, Marcy Crane (Randi Oakes) boards the boat with her father, Richard Simmons (Mason Adams). Marcy’s just gotten a divorce and Richard is very protective of her. At first, he’s concerned when she meets Dr. Jonathan Hunt (Frank Bonner), a veterinarian. Once Marcy explains that she’s not going to rush into another relationship and she’s just looking for casual sex, her father gives the couple his blessing. This was an oddly inconsequential story.

Finally, Gopher finds a bag that’s full of money! After he counts the money, he discovers that he is now $47,612 richer! (Adjusted for inflation, that’s the equivalent of $130,000 today.) Or, at least, that’ll be the case if Gopher keeps the money. But Gopher’s a good man at heart so, ultimately, he tells Captain Stubing about the money. Stubing says that money will be Gopher’s if no one claims it at the end of the cruise. And indeed, it turns out that the money was not lost by any of the current passengers. Gopher’s happy until he spots a little old woman crying on the dock in Los Angeles. She says that she took a cruise two weeks ago and lost a bag with her life’s savings. Gopher gives her the money. Awwwww!

This was a sweet story and it was kind of nice to see Gopher get a plotline. Fred Grandy was a likable actor and I always like the episodes where Gopher reveals that he’s actually got a good heart underneath his goofy exterior. This story did feature one rather silly fantasy sequence, in which Gopher imagined riding in a limousine with Stubing as his chauffeur, Julie as his wife, and Viki as a little beggar child. It was kind of a weird fantasy, to be honest.

One good story out of three does not make for a great cruise. I enjoyed Gopher’s plotline but the other two stories alternated between being dull and annoying. This was not a great cruise.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.19 “Bio-Rhythms”

Posted on November 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s all about bio-rhythms!

Episode 2.19 “Bio-Rhythms”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 17th, 1979)

The Davis family is back!

Now, if you don’t remember the Davises. they were the family of independent truckers who appeared in an episode called The Volunteers. Patriarch Charley Davis (Tige Andrews) is taciturn and protective. Their friend, Sam (Steve Franken), is taciturn and protective …. actually, to be honest, he and Charley are kind of interchangeable. Daughter Robbie (Katherine Cannon) is in charge of the business and is being pressured by another trucker (Michael Conrad), who is willing to resort to sabotage to keep Robbie from making her deliveries. It’s a good thing that Robbie has got Ponch on her side!

Technically, Robbie also has Baker on her side but this is definitely a Ponch episode. Baker is present but he does very little. Instead, it’s Ponch who flirts with Robbie. It’s Ponch who stops by Robbie’s apartment and uses her shower. It’s Ponch who spends an extended period of time wearing just a towel. Somewhat inevitably, Charley shows up around the same time that Ponch steps out of the shower. Ponch is kicked out of the apartment and his clothes are tossed out the window. Ponch loses his towel while retrieving his clothing. Cue the close-ups of an old woman staring at him with a impressed look in her eyes and Erik Estrada flashing his Estrada smile. It’s not that Erik Estrada wasn’t nice to look at. It’s just that he was so obviously aware that he was nice to look at that the whole scene ends up feeling rather smarmy. One gets the feeling that there was a clause in Estrada’s contract specifying that he, and only he, would be allowed to show off on the show.

While Ponch helps Robbie deal with her rivals, he also learns about biorhythms, the pseudo-science that says that, by calculating how long someone’s been alive, it can be determined which days are going to be good for them and which days are going to be bad. Sindy Cahill is doing a study on biorhythms for her master’s degree. Getraer tells his squad that the department is also very interested in whether or not biorhythms effect an officer’s productivity. Baker is skeptical about biorhythms but Ponch believes in them and even buys a biorhythm calculator.

Believing the Baker’s biorhythms have him at peak physical perfection, Ponch arranges for Baker to play handball against Getraer. Ponch even takes bets. Unfortunately, Ponch spent so much time figuring out Baker’s biorhythms that he never stopped to consider Getraer’s. The episode ends with Getraer on his way to victory and Baker looking embarrassed.

Handball? Biorhythms? Corrupt labor unions? Could this episode be more Californian?

This episode was fairly dull. A huge problem was that the Davis family and their drama are never as interesting as the show seems to think that they are. Much as with The Volunteers, I felt like I was watching a backdoor pilot for a show about the Davises when I really just wanted to watch a show about the Highway Patrol. This episode didn’t do much for me. Maybe everyone’s biorhythms were off when they filmed it.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. Roarke might be a father!

Episode 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

After last week’s episode with Julie, Tattoo returns this week and Julie is nowhere to be seen. When Mr. Roarke asks where Julie is, Tattoo mentions that Julie is helping with the Custer’s Last Stand fantasy. At this point, I can only assume that a life insurance policy has been taking out on Julie and Roarke or Tattoo, or maybe both are trying to get her killed so they can collect.

Julie not being present means that she misses out on one of the biggest scandals in Fantasy Island history. A former guest, Fran Warner (Laraine Stephens), returns to the Island after seven years. Accompanying her is her six year-old daughter, Nancy (Nicole Eggert). Fran loudly declares that Mr. Roarke is Nancy’s father and that he now has an obligation to take care of her. Fran even has a birth certificate where, under the father’s name, someone has written — and I kid you not — “Mr. Roarke.”

Is Mr. Roarke the kid’s father? As is his habit, he refuses to answer the question directly when Tattoo asks it. But it soon turns out that no, Mr. Roarke is not Nancy’s father. Instead, Fran is sick and may be dying and she wants to make sure that Nancy is cared for. When Nancy learns the truth, she runs away and Tattoo leads a search party across the Island. Fear not, of course. Nancy is found and a very forgiving Mr. Roarke allows Nancy and Fran to stay on the Island. And Fran’s terminal disease suddenly becomes less terminal!

While this is going on, security guard Kevin Lansing (Ron Ely) gets to live his fantasy of helping a great detective. Kevin doesn’t care which detective he gets to help so Roarke sends him back to Victorian-era London so that Kevin can work with Dr. Watson (a charming Donald O’Connor) to save Sherlock Holmes (Peter Lawford, not looking well in one of his final performances) from the clutches of Moriarty (Mel Ferrer, being as sinister here as he was in countless giallo films). Kevin also falls for Nurse Heavenly (RIta Jenrette, the wife of a corrupt Democrat member of Congress) and is pleased to discover that she’s not really Moriarty’s assistant. Instead, she was just another guest on the Island having a fantasy.

The Sherlock Holmes story was silly but fun, in the way that Fantasy Island often is. It’s always interesting when this show goes into the past and we get to see how the show’s crew dressed up the show’s sets to try to make them look historically accurate. The same street appears in every episode but sometimes, that street is in 1890s London and sometimes, it’s in 1690s Salem and sometimes, it’s just in modern day Fantasy Island! As for the Mr. Roarke’s a father storyline, it was predictable but still, it was a good showcase for Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic interpretation of Mr. Roarke.

This was a pleasant trip to the Island!