Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.3 “Newheart”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, things get dark.

Episode 2.3 “Newheart”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on November 9th, 1983)

What a depressing episode!

It doesn’t start out on a particularly depressing note.  It opens with a bachelor part for Dr. Vijay Kochar, who is about marry a woman that he’s never actually met.  (It’s an arranged marriage.)  The bachelor party, which appears to have been held in Fiscus’s apartment, is a bust.  Dr. White shows up with a sex doll.  Victor Ehrlich shows up with a short film called “Sally Takes a Ride,” which turns out to be not the pornography he was expecting but instead, a short film about astronaut Sally Ride.  Vijay mentions that he’s a virgin and soon, with the help Dr. White and Nurse Daniels, the news is all over the hospital.  Kathy Martin decides to give Vijay an early wedding gift by having sex with him.

Since this episode aired in 1983, there’s a random aerobic class being held in the hospital, which leads to a lengthy scene of spandex and dancing.  It’s a bit of a silly scene for what was, for the first half hour, shaping up to be a silly episode.

Fran and Jerry Singleton finally check out of the hospital.  Fran has regained the ability to speak and can stiffly walk.  Jerry has learned to stop being such an overbearing jerk.  Dr. Morrison is not there to say goodbye to the Singletons because….

…. and here’s where things start to get dark….

….his wife is in another hospital!  Jack Morrison’s wife has an offscreen cerebral hemorrhage and, as evidenced by Morrison’s tears at the end of the episode, she does not survive.  At the same time that she’s dying, Dr. Craig gets a call telling him that there is finally a heart available for the transplant.  And, though it wasn’t explicitly stated, it seems pretty obvious that the heart in question belonged to Morrison’s wife.

AGCK!

Seriously, how much more depressing can one episode get?  And for all this to happen to Jack Morrison, who is probably the most decent character on the show, it’s just not fair!  I mean, he was literally the only married intern who had a happy marriage.  He has a newborn son.  And now, he’s going to have to balance being a single father with being a resident.

Poor guy!  I hope next week finds some sort of relief for him.

Brad reviews DONATO AND DAUGHTER (1993), starring Charles Bronson & Dana Delany!


DONATO AND DAUGHTER tells the story of Los Angeles Police detectives, Mike Donato (Charles Bronson), and his daughter Dena Donato (Dana Delany). The two have a strained relationship mainly due to the mysterious death of Dena’s brother, Tommy, and Mike’s unwillingness to discuss the circumstances surrounding his death with her. When a serial killer (Xander Berkeley) begins targeting nuns, brutally raping and murdering them, Dena is asked to lead a task force to catch the killer. Her supervisor not-so-subtly requires that she include her father, a tough-as-nails and experienced cop, as part of the team. The remainder of the story focuses on two elements: 1) The investigation as it closes in on the extremely dangerous serial killer and 2) The family drama as Mike and Dena deal with their relationship issues. The two worlds eventually collide when the killer goes after Dena! 

While he did work on a couple of theatrical films in the 1990’s, like Sean Penn’s THE INDIAN RUNNER (1991) and DEATH WISH 5: THE FACE OF DEATH (1994), Charles Bronson spent most of the decade making made-for-TV movies. Of course, as his biggest fan, I would always watch the movies on the night they premiered on TV, with THE SEA WOLF (1993) being the only exception as we didn’t have cable TV in Toad Suck. That means on September 21st, 1993, I was glued to my television set as the latest Charles Bronson film, DONATO AND DAUGHTER, premiered to a national TV audience on CBS. I specifically remember the network running warnings due to the disturbing and violent content of the movie. I also remember enjoying that first viewing, and I still enjoy the film to this day. 

Even though he was in his early 70’s at the time, Charles Bronson still looked great in DONATO AND DAUGHTER. He gives a strong performance as both the cop trying to catch the killer and as the dad who doesn’t know how to open up to his successful, adult daughter who needs him more than he can comprehend. Dana Delany is an excellent actress, and she is able to balance her character’s determination to be the best cop possible to “show her dad,” with the vulnerability of a daughter who just needs to know he loves her. Their relationship has to work for the movie to work, and I think they both do a great job. The other standout performance in the film belongs to Xander Berkeley. His portrayal of a husband and businessman, who also happens to be a vicious serial killer, is truly creepy and gives the movie a disturbing edge. On a side note, Berkeley’s “wife” in the film is played by actress Kim Weeks. She and Charles Bronson would get married in 1998, and they would be together until his death in 2003.

Overall, I think DONATO AND DAUGHTER is well worth watching as both a cop thriller and a family drama, although I do think the thriller elements work the best. It’s not the most groundbreaking or original story you’ll ever see, but the film is elevated greatly by the iconic presence of Charles Bronson and the strong performances by Dana Delany and Xander Berkeley. I give it a solid recommendation! The trailer is included below:

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.20 “Craig In Love”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, Dr. Craig does the unthinkable …. maybe.

Episode 1.20 “Craig In Love”

(Dir by Victor Lobl, originally aired April 12, 1983)

Dr. Craig is indeed in love in this episode.  He’s totally smitten with the Hungarian Dr. Vera Anya and, when his wife Ellen (played by Bonnie Bartlett, real-life wife of William Daniels) goes out of town to visit her mother, Craig makes plans to show Dr. Anya around the town and maybe more….

Ugh.  Seriously, I don’t like the idea of Dr. Craig cheating on his wife and, though this episode leaves it ambiguous as to what actually happened, it totally appears that’s what Craig did over the weekend.  Dr. Craig is pompous and full-of-himself and rude to almost everyone he talks to but it’s always appeared that he totally loved his wife.  The whole idea of him thinking about cheating — much less actually doing it — just doesn’t seem right for his character.  And, quite frankly, Dr. Anya wasn’t really that intriguing of a character so if Craig did share more than just that passionate goodbye kiss with her …. well, I prefer to pretend this entire storyline didn’t happen.

Far more interesting was the malpractice suit brought against Dr. Chandler and Nurse Daniels.  As the hospital’s lawyer explains it, there really isn’t much of a case to be made for malpractice.  Instead, the dead man’s family is just hoping to get a quick settlement out of it.  Most doctors aren’t willing to pay the legal fees and don’t have the time to go to court.  Chandler, however, is personally offended by the suit and pledges to do whatever he has to do fight it.  Yay, Chandler!  Seriously, I hate people who try to bully people into settlements.  After my Dad died, there was this crazy woman who thought she could bully his estate into giving her half a million dollars.  Instead, she received nothing and that’s exactly what she deserved.  Both Denzel Washington and Ellen Bry gave good performances this week.  Ellen  Bry’s Nurse Daniels is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters.  She doesn’t let anyone push her around.

Speaking of pushing people around, Dr. Morrison finally got sick of Dr. White’s drug addiction and the two of them ended up having a fist fight in the men’s room.  Still, when White later crashed his girlfriend’s car and needed to be bailed out of jail, Morrison was the first person that he called.  Morrison, being a saint, got White out of jail.  White, being a jerk, barely even said thank you.  Morrison went to Westphall with his concerns about Dr. White.  Westphall responded that it wasn’t his place to give a fatherly lecture.  That’s cold, Westphall.  What about when he kills a patient because he’s high?  Will you care then?  No wonder St. Eligius is getting sued for malpractice!

Finally, Dr. Samuels had a cold so he spent the entire episode whining about it.  Seriously, Dr. Samuels is one of my least favorite characters of all time.

This episode was uneven for me.  I’m not happy about Dr. Craig being a cheater but I am happy that Dr. Chandler is standing up for himself.  Dr. White appears to be heading to a very dark place.

There’s only two episodes left in the first season so I’m assuming we’re going to get some sort of closure to at least some of these storylines.  We’ll see what happens next week!

 

Icarus File No. 23: The Last Tycoon (dir by Elia Kazan)


Based on the final (and unfinished) novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1976’s The Last Tycoon tells the story of Monroe Stahr (Robert De Niro).

Monroe Stahr is the head of production at a film studio during the early days of Hollywood.  Stahr is an unemotional and seemingly repressed man who only shows enthusiasm when he’s talking about movies.  He may not be able to deal with real people but he instinctively knows what they want to see on the big screen.  Stahr is a genius but he’s working himself to death, ignoring his health concerns while trying to create the perfect world through film.  He’s haunted by a lost love and when he meets Kathleen Moore (Ingrid Boulting, giving a remarkably dull performance), he tries to find love with her but, naturally, he doesn’t succeed.  Meanwhile, he has to deal with his boss (Robert Mitchum), his boss’s daughter (Theresa Russell), a neurotic screenwriter (Donald Pleasence), an impotent actor (Tony Curtis), and a lowdown dirty communist labor organizer (Jack Nicholson)!  Sadly, for Stahr, McCarthyism is still a few decades away.

There’s a lot of talented people in The Last Tycoon and it’s undeniably interesting to see old school stars — like Mitchum, Curtis, Dana Andrews, Ray Milland — acting opposite a Method-driven, 30-something Robert De Niro.  This is one of those films where even the minor roles are filled with name actors.  John Carradine plays a tour guide.  Jeff Corey plays a doctor.  This is a film about Golden Age Hollywood that is full of Golden Age survivors.  It’s a shame that most of them don’t get much to do.  The Last Tycoon is a very episodic film as Stahr goes from one crisis to another.  Characters show up and then just kind of disappear and we’re never quite sure how Stahr feels about any of them or how their existence really shapes Stahr’s worldview.  Robert De Niro may be a great actor but, as portrayed in this film, Monroe Stahr is a boring character and De Niro’s trademark tight-lipped intensity just makes Stahr seem like someone who doesn’t have much to offer beyond employment.  This is one of De Niro’s least interesting performances, mostly because he’s playing a not-particularly interesting person.  Mitchum, Pleasence, and the old guard all make an impression because they’re willing to coast by on their bigger-than-life personalities.  De Niro is trapped by the Method and a total lack of chemistry with co-star Ingrid Boulting.

Still, this is the only film to feature both De Niro and Jack Nicholson.  (The Departed was originally conceived as a chance to bring De Niro and Nicholson together, with De Niro being the original choice for the role eventually played by Martin Sheen.)  Nicholson’s role is small and he doesn’t show up until the film is nearly over.  He and De Niro have an intense table tennis match.  Nicholson doesn’t really dig deep into Brimmer’s character.  Instead, he flashes his grin and let’s the natural sarcasm of his voice carry the scene.  It’s nowhere close to being as emotionally satisfying as the De Niro/Pacino meeting in Heat.  That said, Jack Nicholson at least appears to be enjoying himself.  His natural charisma makes his role seem bigger than it actually is.

Why was The Last Tycoon such a disappointment?  Though unfinished, the book still featured some of Fitzgerald’s best work and there’s a huge amount of talent involved in this film.  The blame mostly falls on Elia Kazan, who came out of retirement to direct the film after original director Mike Nichols left the project.  (Nichols reportedly objected to casting De Niro as Stahr.  While it’s tempting to think that Nichols realized that De Niro’s intense style wouldn’t be right for the role, it actually appears that Nichols and De Niro sincerely disliked each other as Nichols also abandoned the next film he was hired to direct when he was told that De Niro wanted the lead role.  Nichols choice for Monroe Stahr was Dustin Hoffman, which actually would have worked.  If nothing else, it would have provided a Graduate reunion.)  Kazan later said that he did the film solely for the money and it’s obvious that he didn’t really care much about the film’s story.  The film has some good scenes but, overall, it feels disjointed and uneven.  Kazan doesn’t really seem to care about Monroe Stahr and, as a result, the entire film falls flat.

Previous Icarus Files:

  1. Cloud Atlas
  2. Maximum Overdrive
  3. Glass
  4. Captive State
  5. Mother!
  6. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
  7. Last Days
  8. Plan 9 From Outer Space
  9. The Last Movie
  10. 88
  11. The Bonfire of the Vanities
  12. Birdemic
  13. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection 
  14. Last Exit To Brooklyn
  15. Glen or Glenda
  16. The Assassination of Trotsky
  17. Che!
  18. Brewster McCloud
  19. American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally
  20. Tough Guys Don’t Dance
  21. Reach Me
  22. Revolution

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.16 “The Count”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

It’s time to go under the knife in Boston.

Episode 1.16 “The Count”

(Dir by Kevin Hooks, originally aired March 8th, 1983)

Harold Beaumont (Michael Halsey), an adult film actor better known as The Count, has checked into St. Eligius.  Of course, Dr. Samuels immediately recognizes him because Samuels is obsessed with porn.  Dr. Annie Cavanero does not recognize him but, once she learns what he does for a living, she has to tell him that she finds his work to be offensive because Dr. Cavanero’s entire personality pretty much revolves around getting offended by stuff.

It’s not much of a plot.  There’s a process server (William G. Schilling) who wants to serve the Count with a courts summons so Samuels and Cavanero help the Count hide and disguise his identity.  It’s silly and dumb story that involves the two of the least likable members of the show’s regular cast.

Meanwhile, Dr. Wendy Armstrong (Kim Miyori) comes to suspect that one of the hospital’s heart surgeons, Dr. Larry Andrews (Peter Michael Goetz), is giving pacemakers to people who don’t actually need them.  She takes her concerns to Dr. Craig.  Craig, an old friend of Dr. Andrews, is initially dismissive but he later confronts Dr. Andrews and finds out that Armstrong was correct.  Dr. Andrews explains that it takes a lot of money to fund his lifestyle.  This story was an improvement over the Count but it perhaps would have had more power if it had been someone like Dr. Ehrlich who suspected that Dr. Andrews was giving people pacemakers that they don’t need.  Ehrlich actually has a complicated relationship with Dr. Craig and his own less-than-stellar record as a resident would have added some ambiguity to storyline.  Dr. Armstrong, on the other hand, has been portrayed as being hypercompetent and a bit self-righteous and, if we’re going to be honest, she’s kind of a boring character.

Speaking of Dr. Ehrlich, he is getting fed up with living with Fiscus.  Howie Mandel is driving someone crazy?  Who could have seen that coming?

This week’s episode was pretty forgettable.  The story involving Dr. Andrews had potential but choosing to make the show’s least interesting characters the center of an entire episode was a decision that really didn’t pay off.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.16 “Monday, Tuesday, Sven Day”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

It’s another day in Boston.

Episode 1.16 “Monday, Tuesday, Sven Day”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on March 1st, 1983)

It’s a busy day at St. Eligius.  Here’s a breakdown:

  1. The racial conflict is continuing.  Putting a young white man and a young black man in the same hospital room leads to an all-out brawl.  Some poor guy walking down the hall on a broken leg gets trampled in the melee.  Agck!
  2. A man in a crude astronaut’s uniform shows up at the ER.  He doesn’t get any lines but his name tag identifies him as “J. Masius,” which is a reference to one of the show’s writers.
  3. Oh, hey, it turns out that kid who claimed he was jumped by a bunch of black guys actually wasn’t jumped by a bunch of black guys.  Instead, his father (Dick O’Neill) beat him up.  Dr. Westphall threatens to beat up the kid’s dad.  They may be old but they both grew up on the streets of Boston!  What is it with old men from Boston and they’re need to threaten each other with fisticuffs?
  4. Dr, Chandler hears another doctor make a racist remake and gets angry.  “I keep forgetting he’s black,’ the doctor says.
  5. Dr. Morrison apologizes on behalf of the racist doctor.  Chandler tells Morrison that he’ll never understand what it’s like to be black.  Morrison agrees but then points out that he only lives two blocks away from Chandler so he does understand what it’s like to live in a poor neighborhood.  Uhmm….see, this is why I was kind of dreading watching this show try to deal with racism.  St. Elsewhere has been a good show so far but well-intentioned TV writer liberalism is usually the cringiest liberalism there is.
  6. Peter’s wife is pregnant.  Peter is not the father.  Peter asks a nurse for a loan so that he can pay his wife’s abortion.
  7. By the way, Peter is sleeping with the nurse who unknowingly paid for his wife’s abortion.
  8. There’s no way any of this is going to end well.
  9. A sex worker comes in to get her appendix removed.  “I love my job,” Fiscus says after telling her to undress.  Ugh, what a pig.  I get that guys say stuff like that when they’re talking to each other and that’s fine but you don’t say that to someone when they’re in terrible pain and in the emergency room.
  10. Finally, the show’s best storyline featured Ehrlich going to party at Dr. Craig’s house for a visiting Scandinavian doctor named Sven.  Ehrlich brings Shirley Daniels as his date and proceeds to have way too much to drink.  This storyline was fun because it highlight William Daniels’s wonderfully sardonic portrayal of the abrasive Dr. Craig.  I love that Ehrlich is both terrified of and desperate to impress him.  Drunk Ed Begley, Jr. was definitely this episode’s highlight.

This was an okay episode.  It wasn’t the most memorable that I’ve seen but I did enjoy that terrible party at Dr. Craig’s house.  Terrible parties are always so much more fun to watch than good ones.

 

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.8 “Tweety and Ralph”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

Oddly enough, this week’s episode is not available on Hulu.  I had to purchase it on Prime.  I’m not really sure why this episode — and apparently this episode alone — wouldn’t be on Hulu.  The world of Streaming is a strange and arbitrary place.

Episode 1.8 “Tweety and Ralph”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on December 20th, 1982)

Dr. Craig is still trying to track down the mysterious Dr. Barnum, the man who says that he’s interested in Craig’s convertible.  Dr. Craig is constantly getting messages from Barnum.  He’s constantly hearing Barnum being paged on the PA.  Craig has become obsessed with tracking down the elusive Dr. Barnum.

Of course, Dr. Barnum does not exist.  What started as a practical joke on the part of Dr. Samuels has grown into a hospital-wide conspiracy of people playing with the emotions of the pompous and prickly Dr. Craig.  Craig is so obsessed with selling his car that he even cuts his hand while working on the engine.  Finally, Dr. Craig’s wife, Ellen (played by William Daniels’s real-life wife, Bonnie Bartlett), confronts Samuels and tells him that she knows what he’s doing.  When Samuels hears that Craig cut his hand, he feels guilty.  He knows how important a surgeon’s hands are.  Samuels finally works up the courage to tell Craig the truth.  Craig laughs.  And then he punches out Dr. Samuels.

And you know what?  Dr. Samuels totally deserved it.  Good for you, Dr. Craig!

(Everyone seems to have forgiven Dr. Samuels for causing a VD break-out during the pilot.  They’re very forgiving at St. Eligius.)

Meanwhile, the Legionnaire’s outbreak is finally contained, with the culprit being one dirty shower head.  Ward 5 is re-opened!  Yay!  Dr. Westphall celebrates his victory but still comes across as being the most depressed man on the planet.  While that goes on, Dr. Fiscus reveals that he now carries a gun so he won’t get mugged in the ER again and Dr. Cavanero considers her decision to devote her life to her career when a friend check into the hospital for hysterectomy.

That said, the majority of the episode centered around Ralph (Richard Marcus) and Jane (Laraine Newman), two psychiatric patients.  Jane is pregnant and Ralph is the father.  Ralph is a genius who graduated at the top of his class from MIT and who invented his own personal computer.  Unfortunately, he also thinks that he’s a bird and has been stealing medical supplies to build a giant nest in one of the supply closets.  Jane wants to marry Ralph but, when she and Ralph go out to dinner with Dr. Beale, Jane can only watch in horror as Ralph panics at the sight of a cat.  “Caw!  Caw!” Ralph shouts as he jumps up on  a chair.  The cat, for its part, just looks confused.

In other words, the marriage is off.  Jane tells Ralph that she’ll always love him but that she can’t be with him anymore.  The episode ends with a close-up of Ralph intensely staring at the camera.  Uh-oh, that doesn’t look good….

This was a weird but ultimately effective episode.  I really shouldn’t have been as emotionally moved as I was by Ralph and Jane’s story.  Ralph’s behavior was more than a little cartoonish.  But, I have to admit that I felt really sad as Jane said goodbye to Ralph.  Richard Marcus and Laraine Newman did such a good job playing the characters that I couldn’t help but be sad that things weren’t working out for them.

Oh well.  I guess that’s just another day at St. Eligius….

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.5 “Samuels and the Kid”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu!

This week’s episode of St. Elsewhere featured Dr. Craig winning an award.  Good for him!

Episode 1.5 “Samuels and the Kid”

(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on November 30th, 1982)

This week’s episode of St. Elsewhere was kind of boring,  It wasn’t a bad episode because the show was well-acted and even the boring subplots felt as is they were part of a bigger whole but, especially when compared to last week’s episode, Samuels and the Kid just wasn’t as compelling.

The Kid of the title is Robbie Durant (Jeremy Licht), a young patient who needs to have some minor surgery done on his ankle.  Dr. Samuels take a really intense interest in the kid, bonding with him and even offering him tickets to a Patriots football game.  At first, it seems like Samuels is just trying to be nice to a kid who is in a scary situation.  (When I was growing up, I spent a few nights in the hospital because of my asthma and it always scared me to death.)  But, at the end of the episode, it is revealed that Samuels had a son who was Robbie’s age who died in a freak accident.  As for Robbie, the operation is a success but he still dies as the result of an embolism.  It was sad but, at the same time, I knew Robbie was going to die as soon as he showed up in the hospital.  I’ve seen enough medical shows to know.

Dr. Cavanero was at a bed-and-breakfast when she learned that one of her patients had gone into labor and was at her apartment alone.  Cavenro had to beg people for change so that she could use a pay phone to call the patient’s neighbors so that she could talk them through delivering the baby.  Seen today, the most interesting thing about this storyline is that it takes place at a time when people had to carry around quarters so that they could call each other in case of an emergency.  (There is a very dusty old payphone a few blocks away from my house.  I assume it doesn’t work and I don’t think it’s been touched by human hands since the 90s — and I’m certainly not going to touch it! — but it’s always interesting to see it sitting there like some haunted beacon of the past.)

Dr. Fiscus continued to have sex with Kathy Martin.  Good for them but I really don’t know that I need to spend a good deal of time listening to Howie Mandel talk about his sex life.

Dr. Chandler (Denzel Washington) accused a nurse of being incompetent.  Nurse Rosenthal (Christina Pickles) got mad at him for yelling at the nurse in the hospital hallway.  Dr. Westphall mediated and agreed to move the nurse to another floor.  Denzel Washington is always fun when he’s yelling at people.

There was one very funny scene.  Dr. Craig won an award for surgeon of the year and gave an extremely long, pompous, and rather bitter acceptance speech.  (The award was a plaster cast of his own hands.)  William Daniels played the scene perfectly and I have a feeling that Dr. Craig is going to end up becoming my favorite character.  As a bonus, Daniels’s wife, Bonnie Bartlett, appeared as Craig’s wife.  By the middle of Craig’s speech, even she had stoppled listening and lit a cigarette.

As I said, this was a little bit of a boring episode.   Still, I look forward to the future of the show!

Speaking of the future, this is my last St. Elsewhere review of 2024.  My next review of this show will post on January 3rd!

 

A Movie A Day #142: The Meanest Men In The West (1978, directed by Sam Fuller and Charles S. Dubin)


The Meanest Men In The West may “star” Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin and Sam Fuller may be credited as being one of the film’s two directors but don’t make the same mistake that I made.  Don’t get too excited.

There was once a TV western called The Virginian.  Starring James Drury as a ranch foreman, The Virginian ran for nine seasons on NBC.  A 1962 episode, which was written and directed by Sam Fuller, featured Lee Marvin as a sadistic outlaw who kidnapped The Virginian’s employer, a judge played by Lee J. Cobb.  Five years later, another episode features Charles Bronson as a less sadistic outlaw who kidnapped the Judge’s daughter.

The Meanest Men In The West mixes scenes from those two episode with western stock footage, a bank robbery that originally appeared in The Return of Frank James, an intrusive voice-over, and an almost incoherent prologue, all in order to tell an entirely new story.  Now, Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin are brothers and rivals.  After Marvin snitches on Bronson’s plan to rob a bank, Bronson blames his former friend, The Virginian.  In order to get the Virginian to come to his hideout, Bronson kidnaps Cobb’s daughter.  The Virginian manages to convince Bronson that he didn’t betray him, just to arrive back at the ranch and discover that Cobb has been kidnapped.  Meanwhile, Bronson and his gang set off after Marvin and his gang.  It ends with Charles Bronson, in 1967, shooting at Lee Marvin, who is still in 1962.

The Meanest Men In The West is so clumsily edited that the same shot of Charles Bronson holding a gun is spliced into a dozen different scenes.  Filmed on different film stocks, the Bronson scenes and the Marvin scenes look nothing alike and, since the two episodes were filmed five years apart, James Drury literally ages backwards over the course of the film.

The Meanest Men In The West is for Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin completists only.  I think Bronson and Marvin are two of the coolest individuals who ever existed and even I had a hard time making it through this one.  If you do watch it, keep an eye out for a young Charles Grodin, thoroughly miscast as a tough outlaw.