Hi, everyone! I have a quick programming note. Because of the holiday and my own need to get caught up with some other TSL projects that I’m currently working on, I will be taking a two week-long break from my Retro Television Reviews. They will return on Monday, June 9th, with reviews of MiamiVice and CHiPs!
For those of you keeping track, Monday is all about the cops, with Miami Vice and CHiPs. Tuesday will feature FantasyIsland and PacificBlue. Wednesday serves up The Love Boat and Monsters. Thursday gives us Malibu, CA and Highway to Heaven. Friday gives us St. Elsewhere and Friday the 13th. Saturday presents us with The American Short Story and Check It Out! And on Sunday, we’ve got Homicide: Life on the Street and Degrassi High!
Again, Retro Television Reviews will return on June 9th. Thank you for your understanding and patience!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!
This week …. hey, where is everyone?
Episode 3.14 “Repetition”
(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on February 5th, 1990)
After newspaper columnist Walter Cromwell (David Ferry) accidentally hits and kills a girl with his car, he finds himself consumed with guilt. He also start to hear the girl’s voice in his head, demanding that he bring her back to life. Walter just happens to have a cursed amulet, one that allows the owner to bring someone else back to life as long as he kills someone who is wearing the amulet. Walter’s first victim is his dying mother. But after he kills her, he starts to hear her voice demanding to be brought back to life. So, Walter commits another murder, one after the other, trying to bring back to life every one who he kills.
This was an interesting episode because neither Johnny nor Jack were anywhere to be seen. Instead, it was just Micki and she only appeared at the start and the end of the episode. The entire episode focused on Walter and his descent into madness and, it must be said, that worked just fine. This show’s strength has always been its collection of cursed antiques and this episode allowed us to see how one of them actually works. We saw how the amulet manipulated Walter and how Walter himself became more and more hooked on using the amulet’s power. I’ve always viewed the antiques as being a bit like drugs and their users being addicts and this episode certainly played into that theory.
This was an intense episode, featuring moody visuals and a strong script from David Lynch’s daughter, the future director Jennifer Lynch. After last week’s odd episode, it was nice to see an episode this week that actually got to the heart of what this series was always supposed to be about.
Mike Kovac (Charles Bronson) is working on a pictorial profile of a banker in a small town outside of New York City, when a man named Terry Killeen (Tom Pittman) robs the bank and kills the banker. Killeen sees Kovac’s camera and forces him to come along with them. Killeen wants to be famous so he has Kovac document his one man crime spree as he robs a bank every day for six straight days. Kovac takes pictures at each robbery and sends them to his friend and small town newspaper man, Jenkins (Russell Collins), to publish the stories. Jenkins figures out that Kovac is using the pictures to provide clues to where they are heading, mainly the Lone Pine Lodge. It seems the college girl that Killeen loves, Sara (Mayo Loiseaux) is at the Lodge and Killeen thinks she will reciprocate his feelings now that he’s a famous outlaw. With Killeen planning to kill Kovac once he’s taken a picture with him and Sara, will Jenkins be able to figure out the clues and make it to Lone Pine and save his friend before it’s too late?!
The most unique aspect of “Profile of a Killer” is the performance of Tom Pittman as the bank robber / murderer, Terry Killeen. He’s certainly over the top, but his cackling laugh as he murders, robs, and terrorizes everyone around him is somewhat unsettling. Sadly, Tom Pittman would die on October 31st, 1958, one week after this episode aired, in a car accident. I also liked the performance of Russell Collins as Kovac’s friend and newspaper man, Jenkins. Jenkins’ day job may be as a newspaper editor, but he makes it clear throughout the episode to the local sheriff’s deputy Gilligan (Wayne Heffley) that he’s planning on getting out of the office and saving Kovac by himself if he has to. That’s pretty much exactly what he does. The episode concludes with a rifle wielding Jenkins and Kovac working together to take on Killeen in a night time gunfight. It’s a fun scene, with Kovac’s flashbulbs and Jenkins’ deadeye shooting skills both coming in handy. And of course, there’s the continued excellence of Charles Bronson in the lead as Mike Kovac. In this episode he uses his brain more than his brawn. He didn’t get any real cool lines, and he didn’t get the opportunity to kick any butt. That’s always a missed opportunity with Bronson, but he still dominates the proceedings with his unique charisma and presence.
“Profile of a Killer” doesn’t give Bronson any true badass moments, but it does create some memorable characters for his Mike Kovac to interact with, and I enjoyed that very much!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!
This week, we start season 2!
Episode 2.1 “Ties That Bind”
(Dir by Bruce Paltrow, originally aired on October 26th, 1983)
The second season is here and there are changes to be found in the opening credits.
David Birney and G.W. Bailey are no longer listed in the opening credits. I’m not sorry to see Birney go as Dr. Samuels was never that interesting of a character. I will miss Bailey’s performance as Dr. Beale.
Norman Lloyd is now listed in the credits, appearing right after Ed Flanders. Ellen Bry, Kim Miyori, and Eric Laneuville are also now listed in the opening credits. That’s good. Last season, Shirley Daniels (played by Ellen Bry) was one of the most important characters on the show and it always seemed strange that she was left out of the opening. Mark Harmon, sporting a mustache, appears in the credits, though he didn’t appear in this episode. The final addition to the opening credits is Nancy Stafford, who does appear in this episode.
Stafford plays Joan Halloran, the new city budget advisor who has been assigned to cut St. Eligius’s budget. She tells Westphall and Auschlander that St. Eligius is not popular downtown. “They call you St. Elsewhere,” she says. Joan wants to do away with the animal research lab, which is a part of the hospital that has never been mentioned before. (And with good reason. Boo, animal research, boo!) Westphall finally agrees, on the condition that the city fund Dr. Craig’s attempt to perform a heart transplant on teacher Eve Leighton (Marian Mercer).
Wisely, Dr. Craig gets a lot of screentime in this episode. If the first season seemed to often be unsure of just how abrasive the show should allow Craig to be, the second season premiere would seem to suggest that the show’s writers realized that the more abrasive Craig is, the better. Of course, Dr. Craig has good reason to be in a bad mood. As he confesses to Nurse Rosenthal, he caught his son doing drugs. Craig explains he kicked him out of the house and now, he wants nothing to do with him.
Speaking of drugs, orderly Luther (played by Eric Laneuville) finally manages to capture the thief who has been stealing all the drugs from the hospital. Dr. White is no longer under suspicion! Yay, I guess. I don’t know. Dr. White wasn’t in much of this episode but he still cames across as being a jerk. I have to admit that I groaned a little when I saw he was still on the show. A part of me is hoping he’ll get a redemption arc this season but, from his behavior during rounds, he still seems to be a jackass.
Speaking of jackasses, when Jerry Singleton (Alan Arkin) discovers that his wife, Fran (Piper Laurie), has had a stroke, he responds by crashing his car into the ER and then refusing to leave the doctors along while they try to save his wife’s life. Jerry is convincing that he knows everything and he’s very demanding. Naturally, Fran’s doctor is Jack Morrison because Morrison always gets the really depressing cases. Fran does wake up from her coma but she neither speaks no seems to hear anything anyone says to her. I can’t imagine this is going to end well, mostly because she’s Morrison’s patient and things never seem to go well when Morrison is involved. (What’s really sad is that Morrison, unlike Peter White, is a good doctor! He just has rotten luck.)
Shirley Daniels finds out that Fiscus is cheating on her with Kathy Martin, who spends most of this episode promoting cryogenics. Shirley responds by dumping Fiscus and telling him that he’s a pig. Fiscus tells Kathy that they no longer have to sneak around, just for Kathy to say that the sneaking around was the whole point. She promptly dumps Ficus.
Finally, Dr. Ehrlich meets a woman, Bobbi (Jean Bruce Scott) at the laundromat. They go back to her apartment. She strips down to her underwear. She has Ehrlich tie her to the bed. Ehrlich realizes that he has to get something from his car so he runs outside and …. gets locked out. And then he nearly gets arrested while trying to use his credit card to open the building’s door. However, the next day, Bobbi shows up at the hospital for her “encounter group,” and the two of them are reunited. Again, I have a feeling this is not going to end well, just because it involves Dr. Ehrlich.
Hey, this episode was pretty good! It moved quickly, it reintroduced us to the cast, and all of the stories were actually fairly interesting. It’s obvious that show’s producers paid attention with what didn’t work during season one and they made an effort to improve things with season two. Compared to the majority of this first season’s episodes, the pace was quicker, the humor was sharper, and just about everyone got a moment or two to shine. I’m looking forward to next week!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This episode …. ugh.
Episode 3.24 “Ghost Rider”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on April 1st, 1987)
This episode was …. bad. It was really bad. I know that HighwaytoHeaven is a show with its own unique style and that it’s necessary to sometimes set aside cynicism and just accept the show in all of its sincere and earnest glory but I just couldn’t do it with this episode.
Birdy Belker (Didi Conn) is a ghost writer. She writes the Roger Bolt spy novels, which are then credited to the glamorous Natasha Gudonov (Victoria Carroll). Roger was a real spy. He died years ago but Birdy still has a bit of a crush on him. Birdy is also Jonathan and Mark’s latest assignment. Jonathan decides to just wait for her outside of her apartment and introduce himself as being an angel.
“RAPE!” Birdy yells before then spraying Mark with a breath freshener that she mistook for mace.
Jonathan brings Birdy’s dead plants to life, proving that he’s an angel. Birdy goes from being terrified to inviting two strangers into her apartment. Birdy is single and her parents are giving a hard time about her lack of a boyfriend. Mark suggests that Birdy buy Roger’s old car, which is set to be auctioned off. Birdy and her father (Bobby Baum) go to the auction with Jonathan and Mark. Uh-oh, shady Boris (Adam Gregor) wants the car as well! However, Boris has to call his boss to see if he should bid more than $20,000. Jonathan stares at the phone until it explodes. Birdy wins the auction! She has the car!
(Destroying someone’s property does not seem like proper angel behavior, to be honest.)
It turns out that the car is haunted by the ghost of Roger Bolt (Warwick Sims). Jonathan insinuates that Roger is actually in Purgatory and helping out Birdy is his final chance to make it into Heaven. That’s …. okay, I guess. The problem is that Roger’s ghost doesn’t show up until 30 minutes into the episode. A ghost is a pretty big plot point to introduce that late in the game. Birdy is in love with Roger, up until she realizes that he’s a cad. Still, Roger redeems himself but helping Birdy outsmart the two spies who want his old car. Birdy becomes a celebrity, Roger goes to Heaven, and Birdy meets her new neighbor, a nerdy guy who seems perfect for her. But then, as Mark and Jonathan are heading to their next assignment, Roger’s car starts and we hear Roger’s voice. “Bolt, Roger Bolt.” Okay, so did he go to Heaven or not? Or is he still a ghost? What’s going on!?
My honest guess is that this was meant to be a backdoor pilot, one that would have featured Birdy and Roger’s ghost getting involved in espionage on a weekly basis. That’s really the only way that this oddly paced episode makes any sort of sense. Tonally, it had nothing in common with any other episode of HighwaytoHeaven that I’ve seen. It doesn’t work, largely because Birdy is an amazingly annoying character and Roger was a less than interesting take on the Bond stereotype.
This episode was definitely a misfire. Luckily, the season ends next week with an episode featuring Leslie Nielsen. That should be great! It certainly can’t be any worse than this one.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.
I was a lot happier before I remembered this show existed.
Episode 2.13 “Lisa’s Ex”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 29th, 2000)
No, not my ex! This episode is about Lisa, the fictional character’s, ex….
You know, it’s really frustrating that this show’s most annoying character happens to have the same name as me. I want to complain about her but, at the same time, I feel an instant bond to anyone named Lisa, including fictional characters on terrible sitcoms.
That said, Lisa — the show’s Lisa — really is the worst. In this episode, her ex-boyfriend, a basketball played named Troy Douglas — just happens to stop by the restaurant and see her. Troy, we’re told, is an amazing NBA player, despite the fact that he appears to be about 5’8 and not particularly athletic. Then again, the show also told us that Scott could be an Olympic-class swimmer despite having never trained and that Jason could get a record deal despite having no talent so I guess it all makes sense.
Anyway, Lisa hangs out with Troy and ends up kissing him on the beach. Scott breaks up with her when he finds out and then acts all mopey about it. “She could have been the one!” Scott says while the audience goes, “Awwww!” Seriously, Lisa — the show’s Lisa — could have been the one? This would be the same character who talks down to everyone, complains nonstop, and who has only been dating Scott for like a week. She’s the one?
Fortunately (?), Lisa tells Troy to get lost. Troy seems like a perfectly nice guy but we’re only supposed to care about Scott’s heartbreak. Lisa apologizes to Scott. Scott kisses Lisa. “Whoooo!” says the audience.
Every episode of every Peter Engel-produced sitcom had an episode like this. I have to admit that none of those other episodes annoyed quite as much as this episode of MalibuCA did. I think it’s because 1) Lisa is a terrible character, 2) Marquita Terry gives a terrible performance in the role, 3) there’s zero chemistry between Marquita Terry and Trevor Merszei (who played Scott), and 4) even Scott deserves better than the treatment he got during this episode. Lisa apologized for kissing Troy and that’s fine but she didn’t really say anything that would suggests that she’s not going to dump Scott every time one of her ex-boyfriends shows up. This relationship is doomed.
Speaking of doomed, Peter, Jason, Murray, Traycee, and Alex all went camping. After hearing that a killer had escaped from a nearby mental asylum, they freaked out when a stranger approached their camp sight. First, they tied the guy in a net. Then Peter hit him on the head with a frying pan …. oh wait, he’s not the killer! He’s just some innocent guy who was trying to be helpful.
“Please don’t sue,” Peter says.
Peter, I hope he sues your ass for everything you’ve got.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, it’s terror on the radio!
Episode 3.19 “A Face For Radio”
(Dir by Bruce Feirstein, originally aired on February 3rd, 1991)
Late night radio talk show host Ray Bright (Morton Downey, Jr.) is sleazy guy who describes his own show as being “hate radio.” Over the course of one program, he tries to humiliate two female guests. The first is a psychic (Julie Wilson) who says that she’s had visions of Ray trapped in a dark room. The second is Amada Smith-Jones (Laura Branigan), who claims that she was once abducted by aliens. She carries with her a cage that she says contains the alien. Ray takes one look at the ugly and snarling little creature inside the cage and dismisses it as a puppet. Amanda says that the alien is real and that it eats “bad” people, but only if they give their permission first. Will Ray be stupid enough to give his permission?
You probably already guessed the answer to that question. Though predictable in the way that anthology shows often are, this was still an effective episode. Downey, who I understand was an actual talk show host, was very believable as the incredibly sleazy (and incredibly stupid) Ray and Laura Branigan was just as effective as the enigmatic Amanda. As for the alien in the cage, it was actually one of the more effective monsters to appear on Monsters. I had to laugh when Ray dismissed at as being a puppet because, after so many episodes featuring creatures that obviously were puppets, this episode featured a creature that looked very much alive.
The episode ended on a bit of a foul note, largely due to the fact that a new character showed up and started speaking with one of the fakest Texas accents that I’ve ever heard. Otherwise, though, this was a well-done 21 minutes.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, season 5 comes to a close!
Episode 5.29 “Mothers Don’t Do That/Marrying for Money/Substitute Lover”
(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on May 15th, 1982)
Glamorous Marian Healy (Eva Gabor) boards the boat and is reunited with the son that she barely knows, Danny (Brad Savage). Danny, however, reads Marian’s diary and declares, “Mother don’t do that!” Hey, you little brat, how do you think you came into existence?
Meanwhile, yet another old high friend of Julie’s board the boat and proceeds to lie to a passenger. It seems like this happened every week. This time, it’s Bert (Eddie Mekka) who pretends to be the pen pal of Marla Bennett (Audrey Landers). Don’t worry, Marla forgives Bert when she learns the truth. If there’s anything I’ve learned from watching The Love Boat, it’s that romantic relationships that start off with some horrible lie always work out for the best.
Finally, Gopher and Isaac are worried that Lola Trout (Caren Kaye) is trying to kill her new husband, Orville (Arte Johnson), by forcing him to exercise. They can’t think of any other reason why Lola would marry Arte, other than to murder him and take his money. If they spent more time watching Fantasy Island, they would know that there are simpler ways to kill your husband than by making him exercise. You could challenge him to a pentathlon for instance….
This was the final episode of the fifth season and everyone seemed to be a little bit tired. None of the three stories is particularly developed and you can really tell that everyone’s eager to get off the boat and spend some time on dry land. That’s fine. Season 5 was a pretty good season, even with that terrible musical episode. Everyone deserves a break and if that means the finale is a bit underwhelming, so be it!
Next week, we start Season 6! I have a feeling I will never finish reviewing this series and that’s okay. The Love Boat is a show that I could happily watch forever!
This episode opens with Mike Kovac (Charles Bronson) receiving an anonymous phone call to come to the corner of Myers St. and Brooklyn Ave., and he’s told to bring his camera! When he gets there, he’s forced at gunpoint by two masked man to take a picture as they kill another man. After the killers drive off, Kovac immediately calls the police. We meet Lt. Abrams (Robert Ellenstein), who tells Kovac that the dead man is a new merchant in town named Sam Bartlett (Bill Erwin) who has been refusing to pay the head of the local protection racket, Glenn Markey (Berry Kroeger). Lt. Abrams asks Kovac to let them plant a story in the paper that says they have an eyewitness to the murder, ace photographer Mike Kovac. Worried that he might be the next man to get killed, Kovac turns him down. Not feeling good about refusing to help the police, Kovac goes to see his dad Anton and tells him the story. Shocked to hear that his son has refused to help the police, especially since it could help put an end to Marky’s reign of terror, Anton asks his son if it’s because he’s afraid. Somewhat shamed into it, Kovac finally agrees and calls Lt. Abrams and tells him they can run the story saying he witnessed the murder. Wouldn’t you know it, the next night Glenn Markey and his funky bunch kidnap Anton in order to force Kovac’s hand. Will Kovac be able to save his dad, and his own skin in the process? Will the police be any help?
“The Warning” seems to be built upon an irrational request from the police of Mike Kovac… let us plant a fake story and put your life in danger so we can hopefully catch the killer as he tries to kill you. When Kovac refuses to be used that way, as any other rational human being would, Lt. Abrams tells him he’d been told that “Mike Kovac doesn’t scare easily. Guess I heard wrong.” It’s bad enough when anyone implies you’re a coward, but when Mike’s own dad seems disappointed that he’s not helping the police out of fear, Mike is almost forced to help. This is not how it would go down if I found myself in this position, and my dad would be on my side! Even though the premise is somewhat flimsy, there are definitely some good moments in the episode. Once Markey has kidnapped his “Pop,” Kovac turns into the badass Bronson we’ve been waiting for. I enjoyed this tough guy exchange as Markey tries to force Kovac to come with him at gunpoint, not knowing Kovac has brought his own gun:
Markey – “This gun says you’re coming along with me.”
Kovac – “This gun says I’m not.”
Markey – “You’re bluffing, Kovak.”
Kovac – “You just think about that when these slugs start ripping into your body. Maybe it’ll be a comfort to you.”
I also like it when Anton admits he was wrong at the end. After somewhat shaming his son into helping the police, and then having to be rescued later, Anton says, “You were right Michael, these things are dangerous. The next time the police ask for your help, you say NO!” It’s a funny, and more realistic, conclusion to the episode!
Overall, I enjoyed the episode very much, mainly because of Bronson’s strong central performance. I’m looking forward to seeing where the series goes from here!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, the bike patrol’s stupidity and worthlessness puts everyone at risk. What are they thinking!?
Episode 2.5 “Point Blank”
(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 21st, 1996)
A report comes in about an armed robbery so TC and Chris speed off on their bicycles to catch the guy …. *snicker*
I’m sorry, I need a minute to stop laughing.
Anyway, TC gets knocked off of his bike by the robber, who proceeds to steal TC’s gun. Oh my God, TC’s such a dumbass! The real cops show up in their cars and Chris is all like, “Go get the robber while I tend to my fallen colleague and his totally rocking bicycle.” Seriously, Chris is kind of rude about it, frantically motioning at them to go after the robber. What else do you think they were going to do, Chris?
While TC searches for his gun, Chris discovers that someone has signed her up for a video dating service. Chris, who is always complaining about how she can’t get a date, complains about having too many dates. Then she complains that none of her dates work out, largely because of her whiny and abrasive personality.
Meanwhile, a little kid has lost his dog. Del Toro and Cory suspect that the pet has been kidnapped and sold to a research lab. They go from one sleazy kennel to another, searching for the dog. They take the kid with them and probably traumatize him for life. The good thing is that they save the dog and break up the dognapping ring. The bad thing is that their story and likable chemistry still has to share the screen with Chris whining and TC searching for his lost gun.
TC’s gun eventually lands in the hands of a bullied teenager who promptly threatens to shoot his bullies. But he changes his mind and instead give the gun back to TC. TC’s praises the kid for doing the right thing. To be honest, the kid threatened to kill three people. Haul him off to jail, TC! DO YOUR JOB, BICYCLE BOY!
Through the Shattered Lens 