Congrats to the Phillies who, last night, won Game One of the 2022 World Series! By a score of 6-5, the Phillies handed the Astos their first loss of the post-season. I’m cheering for the Astros but I am also happy that the Phillies’s amazing season will not end with them going 0-4 in the World Series.
The Phillies earned their win. And now, it’s time to GO ASTROS!
To be honest, tonight’s episode of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt isn’t really a traditional horror story. Instead, it’s a somewhat satiric homage to film noir. But I’m going to share it anyway. Halloween is about more than just ghouls and ghosts and goblins, right?
You, Murderer is an experiment that doesn’t quite work but is interesting all the same. This episode is basically one long POV shot. Whenever our protagonist sees his reflection, we see Humphrey Bogart staring back at us. Actual footage of Bogart was used in the show. Sometimes it work, sometimes it just looks strange. But it’s always interesting!
This episode originally aired on January 25th, 1995. Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
The Cast of One World
One world, one world …. but will those brothers and sisters uptown ever stop living on the streets….
One World 2.4 “The Tangled Web”
(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)
Every TNBC show featured at least one episode about waiting in line for concert tickets. (On Saved By The Bell, it was all about getting U2 concerts at the mall.) Every TNBC show would also feature at least one or two episodes about sneaking out of the house late at night. Apparently, that was almost as big a problem in the 90s as teenage gambling. One World combined these two storylines by having Jane and Sui sneak out of the house to get concert tickets.
Meanwhile, at The Warehouse (a.k.a., Miami’s Hottest Under-21 Club), Ben wants to date the new waitress, Gina. Marci warns that Gina has just come out of a bad relationship and is very fragile. “She needs a certain type of man,” Marci says, “and that man is not you!”
“Awwwwww!’ the audience replies.
Anyway, Sui and Jane get busted by the cops for violating curfew. A social worker is sent to the house to determine whether or not the Blakes are adequate foster parents. For some reason, Sui and Jane decide that it’s a good idea to hire actors to pretend to be their parents. (You may remember Zach doing the same thing when Mr. Belding wanted to see his father.)
Meanwhile, Ben dates Gina but he tries to condition himself so that he won’t try to kiss her. He does this by having Neal and Cray administer electric shocks to him while he watches Baywatch….
Especially when compared to the first season’s episodes, it’s all a bit too cartoonish for its own good. Far too often, TNBC shows featured problems that could have easily been solved by the people on the show not acting like a bunch of idiots. This is one of those episodes. Let’s move on.
One World 2.5 “Playing the Field”
(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on October 16th, 1999)
“No more rules for anyone!” Dave Blake announces, trying to teach his children why the house rules are important. Soon, the house descends into chaos.
Even more importantly, the coach of a rival school is sending Sui gifts in an effort to bribe her into switching schools! Isn’t that illegal? Sui also gets a new boyfriend but it turns out that it’s all a part of the plot to get her to transfer. Boooo! What an evil school.
Watching this episode, I found myself kind of wishing that I had played soccer in high school. Getting gifts from other coaches seems like it would be fun!
Anyway, this was a cool episode because it was a Sui episode but I do have to admit that I couldn’t stop cringing at the sight of that progressively messier house. We’re all living in one world. Keep it clean!
Twin Peaks: The Return was full of creepy characters but the Woodsmen may have been the creepiest.
“Gotta light?”
Tonight’s excursion into televised horror is the 7th episode of the 5th season of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt!
House of Horrors has everything that you could possibly want from a Tales From The Crypt episode! A dumbass idiot frat boy (played by Kevin Dillon) forces three pledges to enter a supposedly haunted house. Mayhem ensues. This episode is full of atmosphere, dark humor, plot twists, and unexpected turns and it features two wonderfully over-the-top performances, one from Dillon and one from Meredith Salenger as a Southern-accented sorority president who may have a secret of her own.
This episode originally aired on October 27th, 1993 and is currently celebrating its 30th birthday.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
As season two of City Guys continues, Chris’s parents finally get a divorce and El-Train is tempted to return his old ways!
It’s all a part of rolling with the city guys….
Episode 2.5 “The Divorce”
(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 10th, 1998)
After spending the first season constantly fighting, Chris’s parents are finally getting a divorce. Chris has a hard time dealing with the divorce, so much so that it starts to interfere with Chris’s ability to work at the radio station. “Show’s over, people!” Chris snaps at one point, “go play your own music!” You tell them, Chris!
Last week, I wrote about what a good job Wesley Jonathan did in the “Jamal Got His Gun” episode. This week, it’s time to praise Scott Whyte, who does a very good job capturing Chris’s emotional turmoil over his parents splitting up. Both Jonathan and Whyte obviously developed quite a bit as actors before the start of City Guys‘s second season because it’s hard to imagine either one of them giving as good a performance during the first season.
Anyway, this episode was well-done but the main storyline brought back a lot of memories of how I felt when my parents got divorced so let’s talk about the B-storyline, in which Dawn struggled to keep her electronic pet from dying ….. awwwww! That’s so sad. Okay, let’s think about the C-storyline, where Al and El-Train both got jobs. So far, Al has been a good deal less annoying during season 2 than he was during season 1.
Finally, I have to say that I really related to Cassidy in this episode. When she dropped in to see how Chris was doing, she immediately started cleaning his bedroom. I would have done the same because there’s no excuse for not picking up after yourself. While Cassidy is cleaning, Chris makes a joke about all the time that he’s spent watching Judge Judy. Seriously, Judge Judy has been around forever!
Episode 2.6 “Bully, Bully”
(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 17th, 1998)
After the newest school bully steals Al’s basketball, El-Train takes care of the situation by punching out the bully. El-Train finds himself tempted to return to his old violent ways and that’s not surprising when you consider how the audience cheered when he threw that punch.
Fortunately, Ms. Noble has more sense than the audience and she tells El-Train not to return to his old ways. She also mentions that El-Train is the class president so at least that season one cliffhanger has finally been resolved. Anyway, it all leads to a slow motion fight scene and El-Train announcing that he was no longer into senseless violence.
It’s all a bit heavy-handed but Steven Daniel’s performance as El-Train remains as strong as ever. And how can you not enjoy an episode with this much slow motion? Slow motion makes everything better!
In this episode of HBO’s horror anthology, Tales From The Crypt, Joe Pesci plays a con artist who tries to swindle twin sisters, just to discover that the sisters have a secret of their own. Pesci is at his best here, poking fun at his own screen persona while playing a character who discovers that he’s not quite as clever as he thought he was.
The episode originally aired on August 26th, 1992.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Love exciting and new….
Come aboard! We’re expecting you!
Episode 1.8 “Lost and Found / The Understudy / Married Singles”
(Directed by Stuart Margolin, originally aired on November 19th, 1977)
This week’s cruise is all about secrets and lies.
For instance, Durwood Moss (Steve Allen) and Maisie Nolan (Polly Bergen) are currently separated and their therapist has suggested that they try taking separate vacations. Maisie books a cabin on the cruise so Durwood books the cabin next door. As Durwood explains it, being in separate cabins counts as being on separate vacations. Not letting anyone know that they’re married (albeit unhappily so), Durwood pursues Barbie (Loni Anderson) and Maisie flirts with Jack (Joshua Plymouth). Of course, Durwood and Maisie end up realizing that they’re still in love. Fortunately, Jack and Barbie also fall in love with each other!
Meanwhile, 8 year-old Theodore Denison, Jr. (James Bond III) lies and says that he has his parents’ permission to be on the cruise by himself. Of course, it turns out that he’s actually a runaway. On the cruise, he meets Sharon and Richard Baker (Sandy Duncan and Jim Stafford), a married couple that is struggling to come to terms with the death of their son. Sharon wants to adopt Theodore and Theodore wants to be adopted. But then Theodore’s real parents show up and apologize for the fight that caused Theodore to run away in the first place. Still, Sharon and Richard at least find the courage to try to move on from their tragedy.
Finally, Connie Evans (Jo Ann Harris) is an assistant cruise director who has been assigned to the ship. Julie (Lauren Tewes) is supposed to be training Connie but it soon becomes clear that, in typical All About Eve fashion, Connie is plotting to steal Julie’s job. Connie’s plan is … well, it’s interesting. She continually screws up the simplest of duties and then claims that she was only doing what Julie trained her to do. When she shows up for dinner in a skimpy outfit, she claims that it’s what Julie told her to wear. I guess the plan is to make Julie look like she’s bad at training people but just because someone isn’t good at training, that doesn’t mean that they’re bad at their overall job. In fact, it would seem that most people would look at Connie’s actions and say, “You should have had enough common sense to know better, even if that’s what Julie told you.” Anyway, it all works out, albeit somewhat bizarrely. The captain reprimands Connie. The crew hates Connie and goes out of its way to humiliate her. And yet, even after it become obvious that Connie has been trying to get her fired, Julie agrees to help Connie because she thinks Connie has the makings of being a great cruise director. Just how painfully nice is Julie?
This was not a bad episode. The stuff with Durwood and Maisie was a bit dull but the other two storylines worked. Sandy Duncan brought a lot of emotional sincerity to her plotline and Jo Ann Harris was hilariously conniving in the role of Connie. This episode was a cruise that I enjoyed.
Will I also enjoy the next cruise? Find out next week!
The old west could be a dangerous and haunted place, as was revealed in this episode of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt! Outlaw Billy Quintaine (Neil Guintoli) enters a saloon and discovers that the spirits of his victims have been waiting for him!
This episode originally aired on August 1st, 1992. Along with being directed by The Omen‘s Richard Donner, it was written by Frank Darabont.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
“Smiles, everyone, smiles!”
Sorry, Mr. Roarke, there’s not much to smile about when it comes to this episode.
Episode 1.7 “The Funny Girl/Butch and Sundance”
(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 18th, 1978)
At the start of this episode, Tattoo is all excited because his birthday is coming up and he remembers that, last year, he partied all night and a bunch of beautiful women celebrated with him. Mr. Roarke promises Tattoo that things will be different this year. This year, Mr. Roarke says, there will be no presents. Tattoo will play a game of chess and drink a glass of sherry and maybe there will be a cello recital. Tattoo, needless to say, is disappointed.
Ignoring Tattoo’s anger, Mr. Roarke introduces him to the latest guests at Fantasy Island and it turns out that their fantasies are almost as disappointing and boring as Mr. Roarke’s plans for Tattoo’s birthday. Kay Penny (Marcia Strassman) is apparently the world’s most successful comedienne even though she never comes across as being particularly funny. Her fantasy is to move to small town where no one knows her. That sounds like a pretty lousy fantasy but whatever.
Bill (Christopher Connelly) and Alex (James MacArthur) are two friends who want to be Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid for a weekend. They’re huge fans of the film, though it appears neither one of them ever stuck around for the end. Mr. Roarke takes Bill and Alex to an old west town (perhaps the same one that we saw a few weeks ago) and Bill and Alex get to live out their fantasy while trading quips and robbing banks. The problem, for those of us who are watching then, is that neither Christopher Connelly nor James MacArthur can compare to Robert Redford and Paul Newman. Eventually, though, the great character actor William Smith shows up as a visitor whose fantasy is to be Wyatt Earp. He attempts to arrest Butch and Sundance. They outsmart him and then Bill and Alex go home, satisfied. Good for them but what about the guy who wanted to be Wyatt Earp? Does he get his money back? Seriously, I don’t think being humiliated was a part of his fantasy.
Meanwhile, Kay finds herself living in a small town. Using the name Katherine Patrino, she gets a job as the receptionist for a veterinarian (played by Dennis Cole) and she also helps the vet’s silent son get over the recent loss of his mother. She also tells a lot of jokes, none of which are particularly funny. The best thing about this fantasy is that Mr. Roarke disguised himslef as a clown and showed up at the small town’s Founders Day Festival.
And then Tattoo did the same thing.
Anyway, during the festival, a dog was hit by a truck but Kay helped to bring it back to life and that brought a tear to my mismatched eyes. Otherwise, this was a very forgettable trip to Fantasy Island.
On a positive note, though, it turned out that Mr. Roarke was just joking and Tattoo got to have a wild party after all. Good for him, he earned it!
Through the Shattered Lens