Hulu’s miniseries about Theranos was a disturbing look at how Elizabeth Holmes managed to defraud her investors, provide false hope for the ill, and become a celebrity despite not actually knowing anything about which she was speaking. Amanda Seyfried’s performance as Holmes was brilliant and she was well-supported by an amazingly strong supporting cast. The Dropout pretty much is the last word that needs to be said about Theranos.
2. Barry
Whether it was the Kaboom app or that amazing motorcycle chase, the latest season of HBO’s Barry was full of amazing moments. The saga of the hitman-turned-actor-turned-hitman continues to fascinate. As likable as Bill Hader can be, he never lets us forget that Barry is, at heart, a bit of a monster.
3. The Better Call Saul Finale
Finales are a tricky business and a bad one can ruin a show’s legacy. Fortunately, the final season of Better Call Saul delivered everything that the audience could possibly hope for.
4. Pistol
Danny Boyle’s miniseries may have provided a romanticized history of 70s punk rock but it was compulsively watchable nonetheless. Sidney Chandler stole the entire series as Chrissy Hynde. Anson Boon brought some unexpected shadings to the role of Johnny Rotten. That the real-life Johnny didn’t care much for it is, at this point, to be expected,
5. The Amazing Race
The Amazing Race returned with two new seasons. The first season was one that was filmed during the COVID lockdowns and it suffered due to the fact that some of the strongest teams had to drop out of the race because of the long delay in shooting, Still, you had to respect the show for not giving up and just canceling the season altogether. The second season was a return to form for The Amazing Race, with Derek and Claire providing themselves to be two of the most likable winners that the show has had in a while. For those of us who feel that Derek and Claire got screwed over during their season of Big Brother, their Amazing Race victory was especially nice to see.
6. Abbott Elementary
One of the best sitcoms to come along in a while, Abbott Elementary is both poignant and hilarious as it details the day-to-day life of the teachers at Abbott Elementary. Though Sheryl Lee Ralph has deservedly won the majority of the awards, the entire cast is wonderful. Janelle James, as Principal Ava Coleman, will hopefully get some Emmy recognition later this year.
7. Ghosts
What a sweet show about dead people!
8. Yellowjackets
Not sine Lost have I been so intrigued by a drama. Succession is a show that thinks it’s clever. Yellowjackets actually is clever.
9. The Offer
It was a guilty pleasure but a pleasure nonetheless.
10. I Want You Back
The best made-for-TV movie of 2022. Jenny Slate singing Suddenly Seymour was a classic moment.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Let’s set sail for adventure!
Episode 1.24 “This Business of Love / Crash Diet Crush / I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”
(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on May 13th, 1978)
This week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about dealing with the past.
For instance, Captain Stubing is shocked when his old high school girlfriend, Jocelyn (Jessica Walter), boards the boat. He’s even more shocked when Jocelyn points out that he’s gained a bit of weight since high school. I have to admit that I was also shocked that Jocelyn — or anyone for that matter — would react to seeing an old friend by immediately pointing that out. Even worse, Jocelyn makes a joke about how one of their other friends no longer has his hair. This, of course, leads to the Captain refusing to take off his hat and going on a crash diet in an effort to lose weight. This makes the Captain cranky and his beleaguered staff finally rig his scale to make Stubing think that he’s lost more weight than he has. This gives Stubing the courage to tell Jocelyn that he’s fallen in love with her.
I had two thoughts on this storyline. First off, Jocelyn’s kind of a bitch and Captain Stubing, while being a bit of a handful himself, still deserves better than someone who greets him by informing him that he’s no longer as impressive as he was in high school. Secondly, I didn’t really buy that Stubing would be that insecure in the first place. He’s the captain of the ship! He’s in charge! That takes a certain amount of confidence. In order to be a captain, you have to have the respect of your crew and it’s hard to imagine the crew respecting a captain who literally refuses to take off his hat because his high school girlfriend is on the cruise.
Meanwhile, Nate (Michael Callan) and Roberta (Annette Funicello) are both depressed because, over the past year, they’ve both lost their spouses. They meet on the boat and it’s obvious to everyone that they’re meant to be together. Isaac certainly sees it! But both Nate and Roberta say that they’re through with love. Fortunately, an obnoxiously happy couple (played by Morey Amsterdam and Rose Marie) are also on the ship as a reminder that love can live forever. This was a standard Love Boat storyline. (Even though the show was still only in its first season, this was not the first time The Love Boat featured a depressed widow finding love on the cruise.) But Funicello and Callen were both sympathetic in their roles and I was happy they found each other.
Finally, Jill (Caren Kaye) is a former high-priced escort who is setting sail for a new life. On the Boat, she meets Bill (Christopher George) and they fall in love. Jill doesn’t want Bill to find out about her past life. Unfortunately, one of her former clients (Jack Carter) is also on the boat, traveling with his wife (Jayne Meadows). Again, this was a standard Love Boat story but it worked largely due to the chemistry between Caren Kaye and Christopher George.
This was an okay episode. The storylines were predictable and a bit forgettable but the guest stars brought a lot of charm to their roles. It was an pleasant cruise. I just hope Captain Stubing stops being so hard on himself!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Mr. Roarke falls in love!
Episode 2.9 “Return/The Toughest Man Alive”
(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)
As usual, this episode of Fantasy Island starts out with a little Tattoo drama. After announcing the arrival of the plane, Tattoo informs Mr. Roarke that someone has stolen Tattoo’s car. Mr. Roarke has his doubts that anyone would steal a car on Fantasy Island but Tattoo points out that his designated parking space is empty.
Mr. Roarke informs Tattoo that he must be mistaken and that his car will eventually show up. And yes, the car does eventually show up. About halfway through the episode, two chimpanzees drive by in it. It’s a bizarre little scene, one that is neither explained nor really resolved at the end of the episode. I guess the chimpanzees just decided that they liked Tattoo’s car. To be honest, this entire plotline made me feel bad for Herve Villechaize as the joke’s punch line seemed to be that Herve was so small that even a chimpanzee could drive his car. From what I’ve read. Villechaize was often times not happy on the set of FantasyIsland and I imagine that jokes like that undoubtedly had something to do with it.
But enough about Tattoo’s car! It’s time to learn who is having a fantasy this week!
Usually, the show’s fantasies are thematically connected but that’s not the case this week. Indeed, neither one of the fantasies seems to go with the other and I actually found myself wondering if maybe the two fantasies had been meant for different episodes but, for whatever reason, were instead edited into this episode.
The first fantasy involves Samantha Eggar as a fashion designer who returns to Fantasy Island after having previously visited four years ago. During her first visit, Eggar’s fantasy was to become a designer and to fall in love. While she became a designer, she did not end up with the man of her dreams so Roarke is giving her a second chance. The twist is that she’s in love with Mr. Roarke! And Roarke is in love with her! To Tattoo’s shock, the two of them plan to get married on the Island. But then, the designer realizes that she has responsibilities in the real world and apparently, marrying Mr. Roarke means staying on the Island. So, the marriage is called off. Mr. Roarke’s heart is broken …. or is it? As I watched the episode, I found myself wondering if Mr. Roarke really loved her or if he was just giving her a chance to have her fantasy. Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic performance kept things ambiguous.
One thing that bothered me about this fantasy is that Mr. Roarke potentially getting married felt like a pretty big plotline to be confined to just half of a one-hour show. It seemed like this should have been a special episode with just one fantasy. Instead, because there’s a second fantasy, there’s several odd scenes of Roarke taking a break from planning his wedding so that he can encourage Red Buttons to defeat a bunch of pirates. Buttons is cast as an engineer who wants to be a hero in the style of Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson. Roarke gives him super-strength, which is not something that Eastwood or Bronson ever had. But whatever! Buttons is recruited to protect a bunch of islanders from some pirates. But Roarke abruptly takes away Buttons’s super strength and, instead, Buttons has to use his engineering knowledge to defeat the pirates. It’s kind of silly, to be honest.
This episode raised a lot of questions about the nature of the Island and Roarke himself. Mr. Roarke rules over the island and apparently, he has to remain on the Island. But, at the same time, he apparently can’t be bothered to stop a bunch of pirates from harassing the native’s inhabitants and instead, he gives temporary super strength to an otherwise meek engineer. Maybe the engineer could have gotten Tattoo’s car away from those chimpanzees. While all of this is going on, Roarke also ends up falling in love with a mortal who never stops to ask, “Hey, are you an angel or something?” It’s an odd episode and a vaguely disappointing one, as neither one of the stories is that deeply explored.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, Indiana’s greatest basketball team heads for the ski slopes!
Episode 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)
I did a double-take when this episode opened with shots of a snowy ski lodge. It wasn’t so much that this episode was taking place outside of Indiana (as we did just go through the whole California thing) as much as I thought the show had already done a ski lodge episode, one in which a man dressed as a yeti was trying to keep Mary Beth’s father from developing the land. However, once the episode began, I realized I was thinking of the episode of California Dreams where everyone is invited to Lorena’s father’s ski lodge.
(That said, I’m pretty sure it’s the same set that was used in not only California Dreams but also Saved By The Bell: The NewClass.)
Instead, in this episode, Mary Beth’s parents have invited the entire basketball team out to a ski lodge to help celebrate Mary Beth’s birthday. That includes Coach Fuller, who is super excited about going ice fishing and catching a legendary bass. Again, that’s not surprising. In the world of Peter Engel-produced sitcoms, parents were always inviting and paying for their children’s friends to come vacation with them. But you do have to wonder why only the basketball team has been invited. Doesn’t Mary Beth have other friends that would have wanted to come? Obviously, Mary Beth is close to Julie and Kristy and she and Vince have an unlikely flirtation going on. But why invite Teddy and Michael, two people with whom she’s had next to nothing to do with over the course of the series? And why invite Coach Fuller? Fuller’s an adult. Does he not have a life outside of his job? Does no one find the idea of a man in his 40s going on vacation with a bunch of high school students to be a little bit creepy?
That said, even though he shouldn’t be there, Fuller is super-excited about ice fishing and the team is super-excited about watching him ice fish, which really doesn’t seem like something to get that excited about. However, there’s more going on here than just Fuller trying to relive his fishing glory days. Instead of going ice fishing, Vince stays back at the lodge and overhears Mary Beth’s parents talking about getting a divorce! Vince can’t bring himself to tell Mary Beth about what he’s heard and, if we’re going to be perfectly honest, it’s not really his place to tell her because he’s not family. However, when the rest of the team returns from Fuller’s fishing cabin, Vince tells them and then Mary Beth walks in right when Teddy is making the same point that I just made. “If anyone is going to tell Mary Beth about her parents getting divorced, it should be Mary Beth’s parents!” Teddy says while a stunned Mary Beth stands behind him.
Now, let’s give the show some credit. At first, Mary Beth is in denial about her parent’s getting divorced and then she moves into the anger phase and then the bargaining stage. And, for me, it brought back a lot of memories of going through my own parent’s divorce and the show, at first, handled things with a lot more sensitivity than you would expect from a Peter Engel-produced sitcom. But then, because this is a Peter Engel show, things get cartoonish as Mary Beth tries to save her parent’s marriage by recreating their honeymoon in Mexico, which means that Mary Beth speaks in an exaggerated Mexican accent while Vince puts on a sombrero and a fake mustache. It doesn’t work but, fortunately, Mary Beth moves from anger to acceptance in record time.
Again, let’s give some credit where credit is due. I’ve been pretty critical of the Vince/Mary Beth pairing but Megan Parlen and Michael Sullivan both have a lot of chemistry in this episode and Sullivan, in particular, is better here than he’s been in any of the previous episodes. And even the ice fishing storyline pays off as the normally stiff Reggie Theus really gets into trash-talking a legendary giant bass. Fuller catches the bass (which is obviously a fake, rubber fish) but then he tosses it back in the lake. It would be a touching moment if the bass actually looked like real, living fish as opposed to a rubber toy.
Flaws and all, this was ultimately a pretty good episode. Will the streak continue with our second ski lodge episode?
Episode 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)
We’re still at the ski lodge! Mary Beth’s parents are nowhere to be seen but we know that they’re still getting divorced because Vince gives Mary Beth an expensive ring to help her get over it. Awwwwwww! Unfortunately, Mary Beth loses the ring, which leads to her going through a lot of trouble to keep Danny from finding out. But then she finds it in her pocket and everything’s okay. Yay! This whole storyline made me anxious. I hate plots that could easily be resolved by one person just telling the truth about what happened.
Meanwhile, the Lodge is holding auditions for a new comedian to perform at their comedy club and Danny decides to audition, despite the fact that he’s only there on vacation and will presumably be going back to Indiana in a day or two. I’m not sure that Danny has really thought this through. When Danny gets get on stage, he suffers from stage fright and freezes. Fortunately, Teddy joins him on stage and they become a comedy duo. They’re both hired! But Teddy eventually realizes that stand-up comedy is Danny’s dream and he allows Danny to perform the show alone. It’s kind of pointless, as none of the jokes are particularly funny and it’s kind of a stretch to imagine a club full of wealthy adults going crazy over Danny joking about reading his girlfriend’s diary.
This episode features an extended sequence in which Danny imagines himself as being Jerry Seinfeld. CRINGE!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1987’s After the Promise! It can be viewed on YouTube!
Mark Harmon is, in many ways, the ideal television actor. He’s handsome in a distinguished but not overwhelming sort of way. He projects a pleasant personality. He’s likably low-key. He’s a talented actor but he’s also a bit of a safe and predictable actor. It’s been said that the difference between a TV star and a movie star is that a movie star combines charisma with danger whereas a TV star combines a likable screen presence with reliability. Mark Harmon’s been a reliable TV presence for longer than I’ve been alive.
In 1987’s After the Promise, Harmon plays Elmer Jackson, a carpenter who is just trying to survive day-to-day in Depression-era California. Though his wife (who is implied to be a Christian Scientist) begs him not to take her to the hospital when she gets ill, Elmer goes against her wishes. When he gets her to the hospital, he is treated rudely by the staff. A cop approaches him in the waiting room and brusquely orders him to move his car. When a doctor finally does approach Elmer, he calmly explains that Elmer’s wife has did of TB and that she should have been brought to the hospital weeks ago.
Now a widower, Elmer is determined to keep the last promise that he made to his wife and give his four sons the best life that he possibly can. Unfortunately, the government is determined to keep Elmer from doing that. When Elmer goes to the government to try to get temporary financial assistance, the government reacts by taking his children away from him and forcing them into foster care. When Elmer, during one of his weekly visits, tries to take the children for a ride, the government bans him from having any contact with his children. When Elmer’s sons try to escape from the foster home, they’re separated and sent to separate facilities.
Informed that he can only get his children back if he proves that he’s financially stable, Elmer becomes an itinerant worker. It’s only after he meets and marries Anna (Diana Scarwid) that Elmer finally gets a chance to be reunited with his sons but, after years of abuse, his sons have their own traumas to deal with before they can accept Elmer as being their father.
This is a movie that really pulls at your heartstrings! There’s nothing subtle about it but, at the same time, its portrait of bureaucrats without empathy is one that feels very real and contemporary. Over the course of the film, Elmer learns that the rules are not being written to help out a blue collar worker who doesn’t have a lot of money and, watching the film, it’s hard not to consider that the rules haven’t really changed that much over the years. Elmer isn’t just fighting to reunited his family. His fighting to save them from a system that is designed to dehumanize. It’s an ideal role for a television star like Mark Harmon, as Elmer isn’t a terribly complex man but he is a very determined one. It’s a role that demands a lot of sincerity and Harmon certainly delivers. For that matter, so does this simple but emotionally resonant film.
I watched quite a bit. Let’s see what I can remember about it.
Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)
This week’s episode was actually pretty good. It has an enjoyably macabre ending and was well-directed by Jonathan Mostow.
The Amazing Race 5 (Netflix)
The fifth season of The Amazing Race is on Netflix! I watched a few episodes this week. I’m glad that Colin and Christie were given a second chance to compete on the show because they really were the strongest competitors during the fifth season. After getting used to the mellow Colin who appeared the second time, it was interesting to be reminded just how intense and ultra-competitive he was the first time he appeared on the show. I know that Colin and Christie were meant to be the fifth season’s “villains” but, honestly, it’s impossible not to like them. I respect the fact that they consistently refused to yield or U-turn anyone.
American Auto (Tuesday Night, NBC)
Anna Gasteyer’s character went on the Seth Meyers show to try to soften her image and convince everyone that she really wasn’t the country’s most hated CEO. I understand that the whole point here was to reunite Gasteyer and Meyers, as I assume they were on Saturday Night Live at the same time. But I don’t know. Gasteyer had a few funny moments but Meyers has never really appealed to me a a talk show host. And really, if you were a CEO trying to improve your image by appearing on a talk show, would you go on the one that most people don’t watch? She should have held out for Fallon.
Football Game: Bengals vs Chiefs (Sunday Evening, CBS)
I watched this game with Jeff and Erin. I guess I’m glad the Chiefs won. The Bengals uniforms were a kind of silly looking.
Football Game: Eagles vs 49ers (Sunday Afternoon, FOX)
Was it on FOX? I honestly can’t remember. Anyway, I watched this game with Jeff and Erin and they were a lot more into it than I was. I decided that I would root for the 49ers because Philadelphia is the city of Parking Wars but I changed my mind once it became obvious that the 49ers weren’t going to win.
Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)
I’m not sure if I agree with Chef Ramsey’s decision to keep Dafne over Sommer. Sommer may have been abrasive when she was put in charge of the Kitchen but she was still a lot less scatter-brained and more effective than Dafne was. That said, we all know that Alex is going to win this season.
Kids Behind Bars: Life or Parole? (Hulu)
This show originally aired on A&E. I watched an episode on Monday morning and I was immediately reminded of why I never particularly cared for this show. Not only does it exploit real-life tragedy but it’s also so biased and heavy-handed that it’s not really worth watching as a work of journalism.
Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)
This week, the murderer was a prosperity preacher. Nolan Price used a bunch of shady legal tricks to convince a judge to force a minister to break his sacred oath. This show is always at its most cringey when it tries to deal with religion. As I watched this week, I noticed that the show is now playing up the whole “relationship” angle between Price and Maroun. They’re a cute couple but I kind of want to see Maroun handle a case without Price hovering over her shoulder.
I know I watched the episode because I jotted it down in my notes for the week but I can’t remember a thing about it. That’s kind of a recurring problem with Night Court. I’ve seen every episode so far and I still can’t really tell you anything about the show or its characters.
Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)
I watched an episode from the 80s. It was all about the use of animation in music videos.
Survivor: Philippines (Hulu)
There are several old seasons of Survivor on Hulu. I watched a bit of the Philippines season, which featured the unbelievably hot Malcolm and the unbelievably obnoxious Abi-Maria. Along with Penner, RC, Russell, and a few others, this season featured some of the least likable castaways ever but it also featured Malcolm so it all worked out.
TV Party (Nightflight Plus)
I watched an old episode of this 80s public access program on Friday night. Chris Stein, of the band Blondie, led a small band in playing medieval music. Then a bunch of drunk people called the studio and threatened to beat him up.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Let’s see what was happening in California back in 1994.
Episode 3.14 “Boyz R Us”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 17th, 1994)
When Tony’s old friend Darren comes to visit, it’s revealed that Tony and his family are apparently form South Central. Over the course of nearly three seasons, this has never once been mentioned by Tony or anyone else on the show but, in this episode, everyone acts as if they’ve always known that Tony comes from the hood and that his family moved away to keep Tony from falling in with the wrong crowd. In fact, it’s treated as being such common knowledge that it actually seems a little bit offensive, as if everyone just assumed that Tony grew up in a crime-ridden neighborhood because of the color of his skin.
Darren comes bearing grim news. Their friend, JR, has fallen in with the gangs. When JR is ordered to rob a liquor store, he refuses to do it. The gang retaliates by beating him up and leaving JR with permanent brain damage. (We don’t actually see JR. Instead, Tony just spends the episode answering questions about how JR is doing.) Tony thinks that he and Darren should go to the police. Darren thinks a better solution would be to kill the guys who beat up JR. Tony returns to South Central and literally stands in front of two gang members to keep Darren from shooting them. The gang members say that they’re going to repay the favor by killing Tony and Darren. But then a bunch of older people show up in the alley and announced that they’re taking their neighborhood back. The gang members run off and apparently, that’s all it takes to deal with the gang problem.
I have no doubt that this episode was written, directed, and acted with the best of intentions but Peter Engel-produced sitcoms were always at their worst whenever they tried to deal with the issue of race. The need to neatly wrap everything up in 22 minutes did not exactly lend itself to examining serious issues. The whole episode felt a bit heavy-handed and I didn’t buy the episode’s conclusion for a second. The episode suggested that the best way to deal with gangs was to just stand up to them as you would to any other group of bullies. It worked in this episode but that’s because there was only two gang members and neither one of them was armed when they were confronted.
In the B-plot, the Dreams were broke so they got jobs delivering singing telegrams. Lorena got a job as well because, even though she was rich, she wanted to see what it was like to be poor. Lorena was so cool.
Episode 3.15 “Junior Achievement”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 24th, 1994)
For their Business class, the Dreams set up a corporation and attempt to make a profit. Jake and Mark try to succeed by giving music lessons. The rest of the group decides to exploit Sam’s cold remedy, which has apparently been in her family for centuries. At first, Sam is reluctant to sell out her heritage but then she’s told that she could become a millionaire so….
If this sounds familiar, that’s because this is the same basic plot as the Saved By The Bell episode where Zack and the gang try to sell Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce. For that matter, it also has a lot in common with the infamous “buddy band” episode. Just as Zack did for the spaghetti sauce, The Dreams even air a commercial for the cold remedy on public access TV. Tony directs the commercial. Sly plays a cold germ. Sam plays her grandmother. The commercial seems like it runs way too long but whatever. Jake and Mark make no money teaching music while the other Dreams initially make a fortune. But then, in order to save on production costs, Sam cuts a few corners and the medicine goes from curing colds to causing hiccups. Sam tells the teacher the truth about what happened and is praised for being ethical.
So, in other words, there’s no actual consequences for anything that Sam may have done wrong. That’s the advantage of being one of the main characters, I suppose.
This wasn’t a bad episode as much as it was just a totally silly one. The storyline was predictable but the cast certainly seemed to be having fun. This is one of those episodes that worked almost entirely due to chemistry between the actors. Though the episode focuses on Jennie Kwan, Michael Cade also gets his share of good lines. Any episode that features Sly being totally immoral and greedy is usually a good one.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Brady Bunch Hour, which ran on ABC from 1976 to 1977. All nine episodes can be found on YouTube!
Join me as I watched episode 3 of …. *shudder* …. The Brady Bunch Hour!
Episode 1.3
(Dir by Jack Regas, originally aired on February 27th, 1977)
As always, the episode opens with pictures of the Bradys being flashed across a screen as the announcer shouts out everyone’s names. One thing I immediately notice is that Christopher Knight is now referred to as being “Chris Knight,” which sounds less like the name of the actor who played Peter Brady and more like the secret of identity of a cheesy super hero. The crowd goes crazy for each Brady but they really go nuts when the announcer reveals that tonight’s special guest star will be Milton Berle.
That’s right, Milton Berle. I honestly have to imagine that, even in the 70s, Milton Berle probably seemed like a rather quaint guest star. The Bradys were hardly on the cutting edge of …. well, anything. But, even for them, Milton Berle feels a little bit past his prime.
The Bradys come out and sing Hooray for Hollywood, which I’m sure was the song that all the kids were listening to in 1977.
Having finished singing, the Bradys banter. Everyone gets super excited when Carol says that their special guest is the “one and only Milton Berle!” And then it’s time for the family to once again sing Hooray for Hollywood. Hollywood may be a great thing but another great thing is being able to carry a tune and, unfortunately, that’s something that half of the Bradys apparently never managed to master.
(It’s okay, I can’t sing either.)
Obviously looking to punish the viewers even further, Hooray for Hollywood is followed by Mike, Carol, Greg, Marcia, and Pete singing Make ‘Em Laugh. Is tonight’s theme Broadway songs that are largely adored by people who have never actually seen a Broadway show? Alice and Rip Taylor — who I guess is still playing the Bradys landlord, Jackie Merrill — come out on stage after the performance and sing their own version of Make ‘Em Laugh. From the start of the performance, it’s pretty clear that Ann B. Davis would rather be anywhere other than sharing a stage with Rip Taylor. It’s actually painful to watch as two mismatched performers, neither one of whom appears to like the other, sing a song about making the audience laugh.
Mercifully, we then cut to Peter Brady. Because of the way the scene is lit, my first thought upon seeing Peter is that he’s going to confess to killing a bunch of co-eds.
Instead, Peter explains that it’s time for him to do a song but no one in his family wants to introduce him. Wow, Peter! Your family sucks! Fortunately, a weird little puppet shows up and duets with Peter on Sing. It’s weird, dude.
We cut to Bobby, who complains that his family doesn’t know what’s funny. “This is funny,” Bobby says, before getting hit in the face with a pie. The audience agrees. Personally, I hate the whole pie-smashing thing because I know it’s probably a mess to clean up afterwards.
We go to the Brady House, where Alice is talking on a CB radio that has been set up in the kitchen. Mr. Merrill is in the kitchen for some reason. Carol, Mike, and Bobby come into the kitchen. Bobby thinks that the show isn’t funny enough. Mike and Carol think that Bobby is being a brat. “Compared to us,” Bobby says, “Donnie and Marie are Cheech and Chong!” Mike argues that they do more than comedy but he says that he’ll consider Bobby’s suggestions. Who died and made Mike the producer of the show?
After Carol, Alice, and Mike leave, the CB radio comes to life. It’s Milton Berle looking for someone to talk to! Bobby and Mr. Merrill talk to Berle. Berle insults Bobby, saying that he sounds like he belongs on Sesame Street. Bobby tells Berle that he’s funny and asks him if he wants to be a on a TV show. “A TV show? WHERE!? WHERE!?” Berle shouts in reply and I’ll admit that I actually did kind of laugh at that.
We go to commercial and, when we return, Rip Taylor welcomes us to the second half of the show. We then cut to Bobby and the Brady kids waiting for Milton Berle to show up at the house. They wonder why he’s late. “Maybe he’s watching The PartridgeFamily,” says Cindy. “Maybe he saw our show!” Bobby replies. When did Bobby become the smartest member of the family?
Anyway, Milton eventually rings the doorbell and enters the house, smoking a cigar.
It quickly becomes obvious that Milton Berle doesn’t know who the Bradys are and the Brady kids aren’t sure who Milton is. Fortunately, Carol and Mike return home and Carol explains that Milton Berle is a television pioneer and “the funniest man in the world.”
“Mr. Berle,” Mike says, “why are you here?”
“Bad luck, I guess,” Berle replies and again, I will admit that I laughed because Berle obviously meant every word.
Bobby says that Milton can make the show funnier. When Mike says that they don’t need the show to be funnier, Milton gets angry and says that he’s going to write for the show just to make Mike look bad. I’m really starting to like Milton Berle. Milton agrees to take over but he says that the family has to understand that they are to do everything that he says. He’s in charge now, not Mike. It’s about time!
Milton’s first act is to try to teach Peter how to enunciate. When Peter struggles, Milton Berle SLAPS him. Then he attempts to show Greg how to walk like a television star.
We cut to commercial. When we return, the announcer tells us that we are now watching “The Milton Berle Brady Bunch Hour, created by Milton Berle, produced by Milton Berle, written by Milton Berle….” You get the idea. The Bradys, who are now all wearing silly costumes, come out and sing Hooray for Hollywood again. Mike is not happy with his outfit.
Milton comes out on stage and yells at the Bradys to “sell the comedy.” The kids tells a few old vaudeville jokes. Milton runs out on stage with a fake plant and refers to Carol as being “Mrs. Bunch.” Mike complains about having to wear makeup. “What do you do when you and your wife have a fight?” Milton asks. “We make up,” Mike says, which leads to him being attacked by a makeup artist. Realizing that things aren’t going well, Milton resigns and apologizes. Okay, I guess that’s the end of that. It’s typical of this show that the one successful skit ends on a totally random note.
We go to commercial and when we return, Greg and Peter are standing next to the pool. Greg says that Peter is nervous because this is the part of the show where he always gets shoved into the pool. Considering the fact that Peter could die if he hits the water the wrong way, he has every right to be nervous. Greg says that, this week, he’ll let Peter push him in. Peter doesn’t believe him and jumps in the pool to escape his cruel older brother.
This is followed by Tina Turner who …. wait. What? The stupid pool gag is followed by TINA TURNER!? What a weird show! Needless to say, Tina’s great but it’s still hard not to feel that the Bradys shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near her. As a general rule, if you’re a singer who can’t carry a tune and who can’t dance and who is visibly uncomfortable performing on stage, don’t put yourself in a position to be compared directly to Tina Turner.
After Tina performs, we cut to more Brady nonsense as Carol, Mike, and Bobby inform Milton Berle that he’s been fired from the show. Wait a minute? What? I thought Milton made a big deal about stepping down as producer? I guess I must have misinterpreted that previous scene but honestly, I refuse to go back and rewatch it. If the show’s writers and performers couldn’t make this stuff clear, that’s on them.
“You’re giving me the pink slip?” Milton asks.
“We’re giving you all the costumes back,” Bobby says. The audiences goes nuts.
(By the way, I’m wearing a pink slip right now.)
With Milton gone (again), Carol comes out and sings Evergreen, the theme from A Star is Born. It’s a good song for her voice and I actually enjoyed listening to her version.
It’s time for the big finale! All the songs are about stars. I can’t even begin to describe it. Just watch, if you dare.
To my surprise, this episode was not terrible. Milton Berle’s obvious disdain for the family generated some laughs and Tina Turner’s performance was a definite highlight. Even Florence Henderson’s musical performance was effective. It was hardly perfect and both the opening and the finale reminded me of how tone deaf most of the Bradys were but still, this episode was probably about as good as anyone could expect from The Brady Bunch Hour.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Are the neat guys still smart and streetwise? Were they ever? Let’s find out!
Episode 3.11 “El-Train In The Sky With Geena”
(dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)
Jamal is still dating Ashley (Trina McGee), the manipulative girl with the thick Southern accent. However, Jamal is concerned when her ex-boyfriend Roger comes to visit “from the South.” After lying to Roger about Ashley having to serve detention, Jamal and Chris take Roger on a tour of New York City, one that is meant to make him hate the city so much that he’ll never want to return. At one point, they take him to — cringe! — the Twin Towers and make him walk all the way to the top, via the stairs. They tell him to think of World Trade Center as being a “Stairmaster with a gift shop on the top floor.” UGH!
Now, in all fairness, the creative team behind City Guys had no idea what would happen 20 months in the future. At the time this episode aired, the World Trade Center was a popular New York tourist attraction and it made sense that Jamal and Chris would take a visitor to see it. Still, watching this scene today is all sorts of cringey. “Why do we have to take the stairs?” Roger asks. “Because the elevators are broken,” is the reply.
Seriously, let’s just move on to the A-plot of this episode.
The students have raised $200 to buy Ms. Nobel a gift. (What is the deal with these people and their pathological obsession with their principal?) They give the money to L-Train, the class president. Unfortunately, L-Train has a new girlfriend named Geena and Geena is hooked on …. MARIJUANA! She’s so addicted that she even lights up at the movies. She’s so addicted that, when she finds out L-Train has $200 in his locker, she steals it so that she can buy more weed. She promises to pay L-Train back but the next time that L-Train sees her, she’s staring at her hand and talking about how she can’t feel her face. What exactly has she been smoking?
Anyway, L-Train is forced to buy a cheap chair for Ms. Nobel’s gift. Ms. Nobel is disappointed in him. JUST BE GRATEFUL YOUR KISS-ASS STUDENTS GOT YOU A GIFT! Anyway, Ms. Nobel encourages L-Train to give Geena a second chance and to get her in drug rehab.
Anyway, this was a dumb episode. It turns out that Roger and Ashley only dated in the 2nd grade and Geena agrees to get help. And I guess Ms. Nobel eventually gets a better chair. Steven Daniel gave a typically empathetic performance but everyone else was definitely an autopilot.
Let’s move on!
Episode 3.12 “Miraclce on 134th Street and Lexington Avenue)
(dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)
It’s a Christmas episode!
The gang is still working at the New York Toy Company, where Al and Jamal try to make extra money and from which Chris and Dawn are regularly delivering toys to the local community center. After discovering that Allison, one of the kids at the center, wants to meet her father for the first time, Chris and Dawn track him down and reunite the family. Ms. Nobel praised everyone for doing a good job. No one mentions anything about the fact that Chris, Jamal, Dawn, Cassidy, Al, and L-Train would rather spend their holidays with Ms. Nobel instead of their own families. Seriously, high school only lasts four years. How are these people going to survive adulthood without having Ms. Nobel around 24/7?
Usually, I like Christmas episodes but this one didn’t really work for me. I hate to say this but the performers playing Allison, her mother, and her father weren’t particularly believable in their roles. Plus, it didn’t seem to occur to anyone that maybe there was a good reason why Allison’s father no longer had any contact with his family. Instead, Dawn and Chris just took it upon themselves to tell him where Allison and her mother could be found. I mean, they could have at least done a background check.
The neat guys did not impress me this week. Hopefully, next week will be a bit better.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Let’s hear it for life’s sweetest reward!
Episode 1.23 “Musical Cabins”
(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on May 6th, 1978)
This week’s episode of The Love Boat opened with …. a commercial!
Actually, if you’re watching the show on Paramount Plus like me, every episode opens with a commercial and occasionally the commercial freezes and you have to start all over again. This week, though, was significant because it was a new commercial from Pfizer. The commercial opened with P!nk holding a rubber germ.
“If I was holding COVID-19,” P!nk says, “I would be in trouble …. because I have asthma.”
Plus, she would be in trouble because that’s the biggest goddamn germ I’ve ever seen. Don’t get me wrong. I have asthma too and I am more than aware of the dangers of getting an aggressive respiratory illness. But I’m just not sure that having a bunch of celebrities passing around a big rubber germ is the best way to advertise the vaccine. As soon as P!nk threw the germ at Michael Phelps and ?uestlove, the commercial started to lose me. It felt cheap, like one of those ICDC commercials that Master P forced Romeo Miller to do. Don’t throw germs at your friends.
Speaking of which, this week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about friendships and relationships. Ms. O’Roarke (Marica Wallace) is a gossip reporter who has heard that the Pacific Princess is a notorious hotbed of lust and hedonism on the high seas. She books a ticket and then sneaks around the boat with her notepad, watching as people go in and out of different cabins. She thinks that she’s uncovering evidence of an orgy on the high seas but actually, she’s just witnessing a bunch of misunderstandings.
For instance, Didi (Barbara Rhoades) is so disgusted by Curt (Dick Gautier), her chauvinistic boyfriend, that she refuses to stay in their cabin. When Gopher informs her that the cruise is sold out and there are no other cabins available, Doc immediately volunteers his cabin. Judging from the look on Gopher’s face, he’s just about had it with Doc hitting on every single passenger on the boat. An HR report is about to be filed.
Doc, for his part, assumes that Didi is looking for more than just a place to sleep. Being the swinger that he is, Doc slips into his pajamas and offers to help Didi unwind.
Didi is scandalized and kicks Doc out of his own cabin. Doc ends up asking Julie if he can crash in her cabin. Julie agrees but then wonders why Doc has never tried to hit on her. Doc replies that he thinks of Julie as being a “kid sister.”
Wrong answer, Doc!
Fortunately, Julie is soon approached by Nelson Hoag (Paul Williams), who has been asking every woman on the cruise if she’ll consider marrying him. Everyone turns Nelson down but what they don’t know is that Nelson is going to inherit a good deal of money but only if he gets married before his next birthday!
Julie and Nelson spend the night talking and Julie is actually charmed by Nelson. However, just as she learns in to kiss him, Gopher shows up and puts the kibosh on it. Gopher is going to have a lot of HR reports to write.
Since Doc is sleeping in her cabin, Julie ends up staying in Nelson’s cabin. Meanwhile, Nelson meets Irene (Michele Lee), a widow who is pretending to be an heiress. Irene allows Nelson to stay in her cabin and then she spends some time with an entirely smitten Captain Stubing. Is anyone on the boat actually doing their job?
Eventually, as O’Roarke hides behind the corner and takes notes, everyone meets in one cabin to work out their feelings. Curt wants Didi back but Didi actually prefers the company of the gentle Nelson. For her part, Irene likes men who take what they want and say whatever pops into their mind and that certainly describes Curt. By the end of the cruise, Julie and Doc are friends again, Didi is married to Nelson, and Irene is dating Curt. And O’Roarke realizes that she doesn’t have a story so she tears up all of her notes.
Usually, I can’t stand shows (or movies) where the plot hinges on a series of misunderstandings that could all easily be cleared up by people just not being stupid but I actually found this episode of The Love Boat to be rather charming, as the show made good use of the cast’s natural chemistry and the guest stars actually brought some much needed emotional depth to characters who were otherwise rather thinly written. Yes, Nelson was a little weirdo but, oddly, he and Didi made for a really sweet couple. Add to that Michele Lee brought a sense of genuine sadness to her role as the lonely widow. Watching the show, I found myself hoping that things would work out for her and they did!
Through the Shattered Lens 