Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, P1:E1, P1:E2, October Country and The Dark Baptism Review


STAW

Sabrina isn’t just a teenage witch; she’s the new face of postmodern feminism.  Hidden in plain sight of the funny storylines and creepily quirky characters is a hard look at society, gender identity, and self-determination.  This show is a master class in how Horror, when done properly, can make a political statement.

In our society, we have a lot of words I don’t understand: hypermasculine – is where I assume you workout too much. The Patriarchy which is mentioned by name in the show.  I guess I’m technically part of the Patriarchy, but I must have missed my meetings because I never got a single check. Maybe, I was busy with the Illuminati and the Tri-Lateral Commision guys that week and they’re all about volunteering these days; I swear you sponsor one Children’s Hospital and you lose sight of the things that matter like World Domination.

In any case, all these new weird words, which I don’t understand and probably won’t bother to learn (because I barely have enough time to find me a sitter for date nights) is FREEDOM!  As a good Libertarian, I get all groovy over Freedom! This show gives me some serious gooseflesh because Sabrina is one BAD ….shut your mouth….Just talkin’ about Sabrina.  She is one Freedom-Lovin’ Witch and I can dig it!

Many 90’s folks like myself at least saw Sabrina on tv while flipping channels.  I didn’t watch it because….well, it looked….stupid.  This story takes that show and burns it to the ground and from the ashes rises a female empowerment story that made me want to take on this Mr Patriarch fellow who must workout A LOT and punch him right in (I’m assuming) his well-defined abs!

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina was adapted for Netflix by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa (Supergirl, Riverdale) from the eponymous comic.  The first two episodes were directed by Lee Toland who is definitely a David Lynch fan because everything looked off, but beautiful.  Sabrina (Kiernan Shipka- Mad Men) plays the burgeoning feminist theme perfectly.

Sabrina lives with her aunts Hilda, Zelda, and her cousin Ambrose.  They are full-witches and want Sabrina to follow convention and subordinate herself to a Man (aka Satan) think of it like the 1950s, but with broomsticks. However, Sabrina is having doubts.  Her ambivalence is fueled from three facets: she’s in love with a mortal and not too bright boy named Harvey, her male peer classmates want to forcibly closet transgender students and need some ass whoopin, and lastly because she’s a FREEEEE BIRRRRRD Baby and this bird you cannot Chaaaaaaaain!

Sabrina’s aunts don’t like her rebellion or at least her Aunt Zelda doesn’t and calls in Faustus Blackwood (Richard Coyle) to talk some sense into the young lass. He promises that she will still have free will and can walk away from Satan if she feels like it.  Well, I can’t blame her for being interested in it now.

As Halloween and her dark baptism approaches, she starts to seek out guidance outside of her family to make her decision to marry the devil.  The devil doesn’t take this sitting on his hooves and sends his minion Mary Wardell (Michelle Gomez) to push her back onto the dark path and ward her away from the path of light by possessing one of the school’s teachers.  Ms. Wardell develops Sabrina’s confidence. She believes that if she helps Sabrina to ass whoop the boys who are harassing the LGBTQ kids at the school, she’ll be able to leave her old life behind for her new one with Satan. Sabrina gets some mean girl witches to aid her in giving the harassers a beat down, which is very gratifying in a CW kind of way.  Ms Wardell thinks that with this obstacle out of the way, Sabrina will get in line for Satan.

Halloween, Sabrina’s birthday arrives and dark baptism ceremony is at hand where she will become Satan’s Stay at Home Mom.   The ceremony is in the woods and looks sort-of like I’m guessing a furry convention, but with some books.  Sabrina must sign her name in the Beast Book and she is ALL-IN.  AHHHH, but Faustus Blackwood wants her give up all her autonomy to the Patriarch…I mean the Devil – see what they did there????  And, Sabrina’s like hooooooooold on; that’s not what you told me before.  Sabrina makes like a tree and gets out of there.

Her dark baptism passes and she remains a half witchy woman and she thinks everything is groovy.  But is it? She is called into the Principal’s office and she sits down with her principal (Bronson Pinchot).  It turns out the principal – Brandon Pinchot is NOT a Perfect Stranger- he’s the Devil and wants to take away Sabrina’s Freedom and turn her in some Stepford Stay at home mom and I’m not having it and neither is Sabrina!  Between the Devil vs Sabrina my money’s on Sabrina and I don’t think she’ll even have to fiddle for it!

Why We Love It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown


It’s all about faith.

It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown first aired in 1966 and it has aired every year since.  For 52 years, audiences have watched as Charlie Brown gets a rock, Snoopy flies his doghouse, and Linus and Sally spend the night in the pumpkin patch, waiting for the Great Pumpkin to show up.  I watched it every year.  Usually, I watch it twice.

Why has It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown withstood the test of time?

Some of it is the animation.  Snoopy flying that doghouse makes me smile every time.  So does Lucy and Linus searching for the perfect pumpkin and Charlie Brown’s messed up ghost costume.  (How clumsy is Charlie Brown with a pair of scissors?)  I love that, if you pay attention, you can actually see the rock getting tossed in Charlie Brown’s trick or treat bag.

Some of it is because we can relate to the characters.  Who hasn’t done a happy dance when, like Charlie Brown getting an invitation to Violet’s party, they feel like they’ve finally been accepted?

But for me, It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is all about faith.

It’s about Charlie Brown’s faith that Violet meant to invite him to her party.  Even after Lucy tells him it had to have been a mistake, Charlie Brown still goes to the party.  It’s about Charlie Brown’s faith that he’ll get candy.  Even after he gets a rock at every house, he still keeps trying.  He doesn’t give up.

It’s about Snoopy’s faith that he’ll defeat the Red Baron, even though World War I has long since ended and doghouses can’t actually fly.  No matter how many times his doghouse is shot down, Snoopy keeps chasing his enemy.

And finally, it’s about Linus’s faith that some night, the Great Pumpkin will emerge from a sincere pumpkin patch and will bring toys to all the good children on Halloween night.  It doesn’t matter that people laugh at him.  It doesn’t matter that he might miss out on the chance to get candy.  What matters is that Linus believes and nothing can shake that belief.  Even when Sally abandons him, Linus stays in that pumpkin patch and waits.

And when the night passes without the Great Pumpkin showing up, Linus doesn’t give up.  Instead, he says that he’ll find a new pumpkin patch next year and a new one after that.  Linus will wait every year the Great Pumpkin because he has something more important than candy.  He has faith.

And, every year, we’ll be right there waiting with him.  Because even if we don’t believe in The Great Pumpkin, we do believe in Linus.

It’s all about faith.

It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown gets an encore airing tonight on CBS.

Horror on TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.15 “Chopper” (dir by Bruce Kessler)


Tonight on Kolchak….

There’s a headless man riding a motorcycle, using a sword to behead members of a rival motorcycle gang!  And …. well, really what else do you need to know?  When a headless cyclists start killing people, you don’t worry about why.  There is a reason however and everyone’s favorite nervous journalist is going to find out what it is!

This episode originally aired on January 31st, 1975!

Enjoy!

Horror On TV: Kolchak The Night Stalker 1.14 “The Trevi Collection” (dir by Don Weis)


Tonight on Kolchak….

After witnessing the murder of an informant, Kolchak finds himself being targeted by the mob!

Of course, after some of what Kolchak has been through, a simple Earth-bound threat like the Mafia would be a nice change of pace.  However, Kolchak soon discovers that he’s also got a witch after him!  With the help of a model (Lara Parker), Kolchak sets out uncover the witch at the heat of Chicago’s fashion industry!

This episode originally aired on January 24th, 1975.

Enjoy!

Horror On TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.13 “Primal Scream” (dir by Robert Scheerer)


Tonight on Kolchak….

What happens when an oil company discovers new, undefined organic matter in the arctic circle?

Well, first off, they mishandle it and it ends up turning into a prehistoric, killer ape-man.

Secondly, it’s time for a corporate cover-up!

Fortunately, the world’s greatest (if unluckiest) journalist, Carl Kolchak, is on the case!

Anyway, this is an okay episode of Kolchak.  If I don’t seem as enthused about it as I’ve been about some of the previous episodes, it’s because a killer, prehistoric ape-man just isn’t as much fun as a Cajun demon or a killer robot.  Still, this episode has a nicely done, underground tunnel-set climax.  Seriously, you can’t go wrong with an underground tunnel.

This episode originally aired on January 17th, 1975.

Enjoy!

Horror on TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.12 “Mr. R.I.N.G.” (dir by Gene Levitt)


Tonight on Kolchak….

After annoying his editor one too many times, Carl Kolchak has been assigned to write obituaries.  However, you can’t keep a good reporter down and, when Kolchak comes across the mysterious death of a scientist, Kolchak decides to investigate on his own.  Kolchak’s defeated vampires, werewolves, Cajun demons, and serial killers.  How will he do against something made by the government?

This episode originally aired on January 10th, 1975.

Enjoy!

Horror on TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.11 “Horror In The Heights” (dir by Michael Caffey)


Tonight, on Kolchak, someone or something is eating the elderly and poor residents of Roosevelt Heights!  Carl Kolchak investigates!

After battling Native American monsters, Cajun monsters, and European monsters, Kolchak finds himself battling a Hindu demon in this episode.  Apparently, Chicago was quite a busy place in the 1970s.

This episode originally aired on December 20th, 1974, just in time for the Christmas season.

Enjoy!

Horror On TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.10 “The Energy Eater” (dir by Alexander Grasshoff)


 

On tonight’s episode of Kolchak….

Kolchak investigates a series of accidents at a hospital and discovers that they’re all connected to a recently reawakened monster known as the Matchemonedo!  This episode features the great character actor William Smith as Jim Elkhorn, who teams up with Kolchak to battle the Matchemonedo.

This episode originally aired on December 13th, 1974.

Enjoy!

Horror On TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.9 “The Spanish Moss Murders” (dir by Gordon Hessler)


Tonight, on Kolchak….

People are turning up dead.  Well, what else is new?  That’s pretty much been the plot of every Kolchak episode so far.  However, this time, they’re turning up dead while covered with Spanish moss!

Oh my God, could it be the Cajuns?

Well, as a matter of fact, it is.  As Kolchak discovers when he investigates, all of the dead people were somehow connected to a comatose Cajun….

Richard Kiel, who played the monster in the previous episode of Kolchak, returns here to play yet another monster.

The episode originally aired on December 6th, 1974!

Horror on TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.8 “Bad Medicine” (dir by Alexander Grasshoff)


On tonight’s episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, wealthy women are dying in Chicago and Carl Kolchak is on the case!  It turns out that it’s all connected to priceless jewels and a legendary monster known as the Diabelro, a creature has been cursed to roam the Earth and search for gems.

The Diabelro is played by Richard Kiel, who might be best known for playing Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker.

This episode originally aired on November 29th, 1974.

Enjoy!