Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.15 “Dark Secret/The Outrageous Mr. Smith”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

“Smiles, everyone, smiles!”

Episode 7.15 “Dark Secret/The Outrageous Mr. Smith”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 3rd, 1984)

Eh.  I didn’t like this episode.  Sorry, Mr. Roarke, no smiles today.

Robert Smith (Engelbert Humperdinck) wants to be a singing star but he suffers from stage fright.  He’s created a smarmy alter ego who doesn’t have stage fright but he wants to be able to perform on his own, without having to retreat into a fantasy world.  His alter ego responds by coming to life and sleeping with Robert’s wife (Elaine Joyce).  Personally, if I was the writer of this episode, I would have just ended the story right there but it turns out that Robert’s alter ego only exists in his mind.  His wife walks in on Robert yelling at himself and is overjoyed to discover that Robert has finally found the confidence to perform on stage.

Just typing all of that made my head hurt.

Meanwhile, Amy Marshall (Markie Post) is married to Christopher (Larry Wilcox) but their marriage is troubles because Amy has never told Christopher that she was raped just a few days before the wedding.  She never reported the rape to the police and she’s never dealt with the trauma that she still carries with her.  This is a very sensitive subject so, of course, Fantasy Island screws it up by suggesting that Amy is somehow to blame for all of the trouble in the marriage because she didn’t tell Christopher about what happened.  Amy worries that Christopher will leave her if he finds out.  Christopher does find out and he gets mad at her for not telling him and threatens to leave, not only proving Amy’s point but also suggesting, to me, that their marriage isn’t really worth saving.  Amy deserves someone better than a guy whose response to hearing that his wife got raped is to get mad at her.  Then Amy’s rapist (Michael Callan) shows up on the island and attacks her again.  Amy fights back and is on the verge of stabbing the bastard to death when Mr. Roarke shows up and removes the knife from her hand and instead has the Fantasy Island police take the guy away.  Christopher and Amy leave the Island, their marriage stronger than ever.

Meanwhile, I had to stop myself from throwing something at the television.  First off, the story suggests that somehow Amy is to blame for not telling Christopher about what happened but Christopher’s reaction showed exactly why she didn’t tell him and it also showed that Amy’s best option would have been to get a divorce.  Then the show suggests that the best way to give Amy her fantasy of finding freedom from her trauma was to have the rapist nearly rape her again!  Mr. Roarke, at one point, states that Amy’s safety is his number one concern and that he has his entire police force looking for the rapist.  But Roarke has already been established as having God-like powers so if Roarke wanted to find the guy before he attacked Amy, he certainly could have.

As well, what is the deal with all of these criminals and assorted lowlifes making it to the Island in the first place?  Mr. Roarke often brags about running a background check on everyone who comes to the Island, which again suggests that no one comes to Fantasy Island unless Roarke wants them there.  So, why are there so many terrible people on the Island?

This episode …. ugh.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.18 “The Hawk and the Hunter”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we finally meet Barizca’s family.

Episode 4.18 “The Hawk and the Hunter”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on April 5th, 1981)

In this episode, we learn a little bit more about Officer Barizca.  Played by Brodie Greer, Barizca has been an important member of the ensemble since the first season but, up until this point, we really haven’t learned much about his life outside of driving a patrol car and directing traffic at crash sites.

It turns out that Barizca’s father, Pete (Sandy McPeak), is a crop duster.  When it becomes clear that Pete is getting too old to fly his airplane, Barizca takes a leave of absence from the Highway Patrol so that he can help out.  Hopefully, Barizca will find the courage to finally tell his father that it’s time to retire.

Meanwhile, there’s an environmentalist nutjob named Lyle (Dwight Schultz) who is convinced that the Barizcas are spreading poison with their airplane.  Lyle has been sending threats to Pete so, eventually Barizca flies over Lyle and covers him in pesticide to help the Highway Patrol arrest him.  So, I guess Lyle really is going to die now.

At the end of the episode, Pete retires and Barizca returns to patrolling the highways.

This was an okay episode, in that the scenery was nice and I did appreciate that the show made an effort to focus on something other than Ponch being the best at everything.  Dwight Shultz was believably unhinged as Lyle and there was an interesting tension between him and Baker as both of them were Vietnam vets.  Unfortunately, the Barizcas themselves just weren’t that interesting.  This episode was a case of “You’ve seen one strained father-son relationship, you’ve seen them all.”

That said, I hope next week’s episode will introduce us to Grossman’s family.

Horror On TV: Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy in The Pumpkin That Wouldn’t Smile (dir by Chuck Jones)


Awwww, that poor pumpkin!  Well, hopefully, he’s smiling now!

This animated special originally aired on Halloween night in 1979.  I would imagine that the crying pumpkin probably traumatized children across America.  Hopefully, all the kids were out trick or treating when this aired.  Myself, I remember that when I was a kid, I would help my mom carve a pumpkin every year.  And then I would get so depressed when we later had to throw it out.  Seriously, I would get really attached to those jack o’lanterns.

Anyway, this cartoon is before my time but I have a feeling that, if I had been around to watch it, I would have been depressed for a whole year afterwards.

Enjoy!

Doctor Who — Horror of Fang Rock (1977, directed by Paddy Russell)


The first serial of the 15th season of Doctor Who finally allowed viewers a glimpse of an alien race that they had previously only heard about.

The Rutans are the mortal enemies of the Sontarans.  Their war has gone on for centuries, with neither race getting the upper hand (or tentacle, as the case may be).  Nearly every episode in which the Sontarans appeared involved an attempt to turn Earth into an outpost against the Rutans.  In Horror of Fang Rock, a Rutan travels to Earth and tries to do the same thing against the Sontarans.  Luckily, the Doctor (Tom Baker) and Leela (Louise Jameson) are there to stop it but not before every other character in the serial has been killed.

Horror of Fang Rock takes place early in the 20th Century, at an isolated lighthouse on an island in the English channel.  Other than The Doctor, Leela, and the Rutan, the characters consist of two lighthouse keepers and the four survivors of a shipwreck.  They’re all noble English stereotypes, with names like Lord Palmerdale, Colonel Skinsale, and Adelaide Lessage and none of them survive the horror of Fang Rock.

When I first saw this serial as a kid, it actually left me feeling rather depressed.  It certainly didn’t seem like everyone deserved to die.  Even my mom, who rarely watched the show with my dad and me but who did sit through the first 25 minutes of Horror of Fang Rock before finding something better to do, was surprised when I told her that no one had survived.

When I recently rewatched this serial, I better appreciated just how efficiently Horror of Fang Rock is put together.  It mixes traditional gothic imagery (like the fog-covered island and the dark lighthouse) with aliens and it does a good job of it.  The Rutan itself turns out to be a glowing green mass.  It looks convincingly evil and extraterrestrial.  As soon as it appeared, I understood why the dull-witted Sontarans never seemed to be sure how to defeat the Rutans.  The Rutan was a creature totally unlike the usual humanoid aliens that populated Doctor Who.  It also made sense that only the Doctor and Leela would be able to survive a confrontation with the Rutan because the Rutan was so alien that rest of the inhabitants of the lighthouse had no idea how to respond to it.

At the end of this serial, the Doctor causes the Rutan mothership to explode.  Leela looks straight at the explosion and, as a result, her brown eye turn blue.  Louise Jameson’s eyes were always blue but they weren’t considered to be the right color for the savage character she was playing so, for her first few serial, she had to wear extremely uncomfortable contact lenses.  One of her conditions for returning for Season 15 was that she would no longer have to wear them.  The show’s producers gave in and that was the right decision.  By the time Horror of Fang Rock came along, Baker and Jameson had moved pass their initial awkwardness and were now a strong team.

holds up well as one of the few Doctor Who stories to actually be as scary as the show’s critics claimed.  Tom Baker and Louise Jameson are at their best and the Rutan proves to be the rare Doctor Who alien to live up to the hype.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.3 “Heart of Night”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Castillo gets an adventure of his own.

Episode 5.3 “Heart of Night”

(Dir by Paul Krasny, originally aired on November 18th, 1988)

This is season 5’s Castillo episode.

Castillo got to be at the center of one episode per season.  Usually, it involved someone from his past resurfacing and Castillo having to go full samurai (or ninja, as the case may be) to protect them.  That’s certainly the case here, in which Castillo’s ex-wife (Rosalind Chao, replacing Joan Chen) approaches Castillo because she and her husband (James Saito) are being targeted by Rivas (Bob Gunton), an Ecuadorian drug dealer who — *sigh* — has connections to the CIA.

This episode wasn’t really bad.  It just felt awfully familiar.  Even Edward James Olmos, who usually shined whenever he got a solo adventure, seems kind of bored in this episode.  At this point in the series, there was really nothing surprising about the revelation that a South American drug lord was working with the CIA.  Just about every drug lord on the show was portrayed as working for the CIA.  It’s also not a surprise when Castillo’s ex’s new husband turns out to be corrupt.  The episode ends with Castillo watching as the women he still loves walk away from him and, again, been there done that.  Almost this entire episode felt like Miami Vice on autopilot.

Crockett appeared for about two minutes in this episode.  He has his memory back and he’s working for the Vice Squad again.  Castillo points out that Crockett is still being investigated for numerous murders and he suggests that Crockett take some time off.  Crockett reluctantly agrees.  Shouldn’t Crockett be in prison right now?  The man was the biggest drug lord in Miami.  He killed a cop (albeit in self-defense).  I’m surprised he would be allowed back into the Vice Squad with all that hanging over him.  If not sitting in jail, Crockett should at least be under suspension.

It’s just another weird day in Miami.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 1.10 “Rumors and Relationships”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Emma tries to destroy someone’s life.

Episode 1.10 “Rumors and Relationships”

(Dir by Paul Fox, originally aired on May 20th, 2002)

This episode features Spinner at his best and Emma at her worst.

Let’s get Emma out of the way first.  When Emma happens to see Liberty and Coach Armstrong alone in a classroom together, she assumes that Armstrong is hitting on Liberty.  She tells Manny about her suspicions.  Terri overhears and tells Sean.  Sean tells Spinner.  Spinner tells Jimmy.  Jimmy tells Paige.  Paige tells Hazel (Andrea Lewis).  Hazel tells Ashley.  Ashley tells Liberty.  Liberty gets upset.  When Emma sees Liberty crying, Emma ask Liberty about her and Armstrong.  Liberty swears on her life that Armstrong was not hitting on her.  Emma wonders how the rumor got started–

Uhmm, Emma …. YOU STARTED IT!

Emma promises Liberty that she will work her backwards to find the person who started the rumor–

IT WAS YOU, EMMA!  YOU STARTED THE RUMOR!

Because Emma is apparently incapable of remember what she said earlier in the day, she goes from Ashley to Hazel to Page to Spinner (she skips Jimmy) to Sean and eventually she confronts Terri.  Emma says that the rumor is all over the school and it’s all Terri’s fault.

Terri, quite sensibly, points out that Emma is the one who started the rumor.

Now, in her defense, Emma does feel bad about starting the rumor.  When Mr. Raditch calls Coach Armstrong out into the hall to tell him about the rumors, Emma walks up and confesses that it’s her fault.  But one thing Emma doesn’t do is really apologize.  In fact, when she later talks to Liberty, she instead acts as if it is somehow Liberty’s fault for not telling Emma why she was in a classroom alone with Armstrong in the first place.  Liberty finally admits that she had dyscalculia (which is dyslexia but with numbers) and that Armstrong — THE MATH TEACHER — has been tutoring her and helping her not to feel bad about it.  Emma again asks why Liberty just didn’t tell her that to begin with.

Hey, Emma — maybe Liberty didn’t tell you because IT’S NONE OF YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS!

The episode ends with Liberty telling Emma that, when it comes to helping people, Emma sucks.  And Liberty certainly has a point.

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, Spinner discovers a bug in his food.  “Boycott the caf!” he yells, “it has earwigs!”  Unfortunately, no one believes Spinner.  So, the next day, Spinner collects a bunch of bugs and takes them into the cafeteria.  He thinks that if someone else sees a bug and reports it, they will be believed and someone will call an exterminator.  Of course, the only thing that anyone sees is Spiner carrying a tub of bugs.  The bugs get free and Spinner is sentenced to work in the cafeteria until he’s paid off the $300 that it’s going to cost the school to have the cafeteria exterminated.

“But it needed to be exterminated anyways!” Spinner says.

This was classic Spinner.  Even when he cares about Degrassi, no one listens.  It’s a little bit gross that he was carrying around a tub of living bugs but his heart was in the right place.

Spinner’s the best!

Horror On TV: The Great Bear Scare (dir by Hal Mason)


I came across this old cartoon on YouTube.  Apparently, it aired in October of 1983.

It’s about bears living in Bearbank.  Halloween is approaching and they’re worried about getting invaded by the monsters who live on Monster Mountain.  Well, that makes sense.  My question is why would you buy a house near a location called Monster Mountain?  And really, shouldn’t the monsters be in the houses and the bears in the mountains?  This cartoon is weird.

Anyway, the bears are getting ready to feel the city but little Ted E. Bear sets out to confront his fears!  Woo hoo!

I don’t know.  It’s from 1983.  That was a strange year, I guess.

Enjoy!

Forever Knight – S1:E4 – “Last Act”


“He was brought across in 1228. Prayed on humans for their blood. 
Now, he wants to be mortal again.To repay society for his sins. 
To emerge from his World of Darkness. From his endless Forever Night.”

The Prologue has a young doctor named Marilyn (Gillian Vanderburgh, The Stupids)who fails to save a patient. Troubled by guilt, she’s reassured by Dr. Cole (who rubs her shoulders) that it just comes with the job. This puts her at ease. As she takes a shower, someone pulls back the drapes. She smiles, saying “You’re crazy, you know that?” only to find her hands grabbed by gloves. With her arms pinned above her, the doctor’s wrists are slashed, her eyes go wide as she screams in terror.

A young woman walks the streets of Toronto, late at night. Heading to a nearby pier, she takes a seat on a park bench, admiring the view of the city. Pulling a hood over her head, she watches the sunrise, smoke billowing from her clothes. Within moments, her body is engulfed in flames, leaving behind her clothing on the bench. 

Nick Knight is struggling with his workload. With 8 other cold cases in his backlog, he’s becoming jaded with it all. He’s also grown a bit snappy with the Captain. Before he can apologize, Schanke calls out to him from another room. They have to roll, there’s a body to identify. At the crime scene, a bystander mentions someone was talking about “spontaneous human combustion” to Schanke. In the clothing, Nick discovers a ring that’s familiar to him. We’re given a flashback of Nick on a theatre stage, fencing with the young woman, who he easily defeats. After a round of applause, the cast all bow. Backstage, among an array of lit candles, the woman approaches Nick…”You, sir, are very skilled with your sword. Do you wish to run me through again?” He scoops her up in a kiss and they talk about leaving for Gloucester. She tells him there’s no rush. They’ve all the time in the world. Running her fingers through her hair, Nick kisses the woman briefly before baring his fangs, taking a bite.

“Suicide.” Schanke says, pulling Nick back to the present. “Yes.” he mutters, his focus on the ring. Schanke asks him if he’s okay, since he’s referring to a suicide at the hospital. At the Hospital, Schanke explains how he’d approach his own suicide, which would involve a full meal, fabulous lovemaking and nitroglycerin. Nick interviews Dr. Cole (Laura Press, The Pit), who explains that the shower was still running when she found her, the water scalding. Dr. Cole explains the doctor was on duty for 20 hours and that she’s seen doctors snap like that before, with all the pressures the role demands. The three catch sight of Carl Janns (Robert Bockstael, North of 60), a med student at the university and the victim’s fiancé. Schanke pull Janns aside to take him home.

At the Morgue, Natalie states the incisions are perfect and quick. When asked why, Natalie responds that only the victim really knows, and that unfortunately, there are no fast rules for suicide. Nick again reflects on the ring, and we return to the past. Erica (Torri Higginson, Stargate: Atlantis & Stargate SG-1), now a vampire, tells Nick what she saw in his memories of him in the Crusades. Nick is concerned that her memories show an obsession with death and dying, something he’s surprised to find. She tells him that there’ll come a time where her lust for life will wane, something Nick can’t believe. Erica believes that once that happens, once she can’t give back to the world, it would be best to leave and not be a burden. If this were a Vampire: The Masquerade tale, she’d make an interesting Giovanni, or an even better Cappodocian. “Are you going to take on the investigation?” Natalie asks, pulling Nick’s attention. “Yeah. If I can fit the case in.”

Knight returns home, thinking about Erica. He hears her ask whether he feels he’s a burden. This causes him raise one of the shutters and dab a pinky finger into the sunlight, listening to the sounds of sizzling flesh. Could Nick be pondering the unimaginable?

Going over his evidence in his apartment, he again hears Erica’s voice. He even sees her this time in a beautiful white dress. “Maybe it’s time to join me.”, she says. “Why did you do it? You had so much life.”, he asks. Her response was that she was a burden, and that she wasn’t giving anything back. She asks him to join her in the light, taking a few steps away before disappearing from view. Even Knight seems a bit frightened. 

Back at the hospital, Nick speaks with some of the nurses, who have nothing but wonderful things to say about Marilyn (the deceased). They add that they feel something more was going on, that perhaps she was murdered, but the conversation is interrupted by Dr. Cole. The Doctor asks if there’s other things they could be doing other than spreading rumors. Nick steps in an apologizes for the nurses, and that he was interviewing them. He asks one last question on if there was anyone else to speak to. They point him to Dean (Mackenzie Gray, Man of Steel). Dean works as a clown, cheering up the sick kids in the pediatric ward. He’s also a patient undergoing chemotherapy, living in the hospital. When asked about Marilyn, Dean becomes defensive, angry at someone who would throw away their life so carelessly when he is valuing every second of the 2 to 3 months he has left. Knight accepts Dean’s photos, and leaves, wishing him well. 

On the drive back to the precinct, Erica appears beside him, commenting on the beauty of rainy nights. She adds the crowded world is noise and makes her feel out of step with the times. Erica asks Knight if he feels the same way. Nick doesn’t respond, and just keeps driving.

At the precinct, Captain Stonetree tells Knight he’s going to pass some of his cases along to another Detective. Nick snaps at the Captain, but Stonetree remains cool as always. He informs Knight that he’s not happy the administrator of the hospital is leaving messages with him saying an apparent suicide isn’t being considered as such. Knight argues that there’s more to Marilyn’s demise, but Stonetree adds that he can’t afford to care why she ended her life. All the evidence says it’s what happened, but he gives Nick 24 hours to close the case or he’ll close it for him. 

Knight heads to Janette’s nightclub, showing her Erica’s ring. “So, she finally did it.” Janette says. Nick asks Janette about why Erica didn’t come to him for help. Janette’s response is that she didn’t want to ‘infect’ him with her ‘disease’. Together, Nick and Janette head to Erica’s place, which appears in disarray. Dead flower, a typewriter and covered furniture decorate the place. Janette asks Nick what he expects to find here..”The passionate tomboy with the fiery spirit? Well, she grew old, Nicholas, she couldn’t keep up.” Picking up a doll, Nick has a flashback where Erica confesses that mortals can revitalize their lives with each new generation. “Their children are their mortality.” All she has are her plays. A teenager enters the apartment, looking for Erica. She mentions that Erica had a new play she was going to premiere called “The Last Act” and that she was excited about.

Nicholas arrives home to find Natalie waiting for him as she closes the shudders from the morning rays. “Cutting it a little close, are we?” Nick explains Erica’s theory on contributions, he reopens one of the shutters and reaches for Erica’s doll. As his hand begins to smoke, Natalie pushes him away from the sunlight and they argue over Nick’s desire to see the sun. She offers a new clue into Marilyn’s death in that the doctor was pregnant. The new information comes just in time, as Schanke knocks on Knight’s door. They let him in and they discuss Marilyn’s pregnancy. Schanke bemoans Knight’s lack of food in the fridge, but decides to help interview Carl Janns during the day. 

Karl tells Schanke that Marilyn was depressed and distant, though Schanke notes that her coworkers said she was bright and energetic. Karl becomes defensive, causing Schanke to both back down and mention the baby. This throws Karl for a loop, though he says she didn’t seem to want to have a baby. Schanke, Stonetree, Natalie and Nick go over the details, though Stonetree still isn’t particularly convinced. Knight, however, seems inspired. Getting up to follow another lead, Stonetree looks on with pride with a smile…”Let him go. I like him like this. Thinking again, on the case. Cop doing his job with some passion.” 

Knight sits in the audience, watching Erica’s play. An old woman and a young girl dance, with the woman asking the girl to squeeze every breathing moment out of life, to enjoy it. The girl asks the woman to stay, to teach her. The old woman tells her to simply live her life and that she’ll always be there, living on through the girl’s accomplishments. A pensive Knight watches along. At the same time the play is going on, someone goes into Dean’s room at the hospital and overdoses him with a needle full of morphine. 

Knight and Schanke return to the hospital, where Doctor Cole informs them about Dean. He’s not dead, but the doctors are able to stabilize him. The detectives manage to speak with Dean and discover that Marilyn’s baby was indeed his, done for him to “live on” in a way. They set up a trap, telling Karl about Dean and the baby and that he’s still alive. Additionally, Knight takes Dean’s place in his room to wait for the murderer to strike again. 

Laying down in Dean’s bed, Erica comes to visit him. She asks him to follow her, but Nick refuses. “I still find life exciting and I think I’ve got more to give.” he says. Erica admires this in him, but scoffs at the idea of becoming mortal. If he dies, he says, it won’t be by his hand. Erica steps out of the door, but tells him she’ll be waiting. A nurse then enters the room and stabs Knight, who pulls the knife free. They struggle and in pulling off the wig, we find it’s Karl, who breaks through the fight and runs off, knocking Schanke off balance and darting into another room. Knight easily catches up to him and flings him around the room before holding him out a window, baring his fangs. Karl freaks out, begging not to be let go while Schanke steps into the room behind Nick, his gun at the ready but not able to see Nick’s face. He reminds Knight of the added paperwork if he lets the fellow go. Pulling Karl inside, Knight flings him to the floor, with Schanke making the arrest. 

The episode wraps with our heroes at the theatre. Erica’s play isn’t a success, but Natalie and Nick enjoyed it. Schanke admits he fell asleep through it. The girl form the play thanks Nick for attending. Nick gives the girl the ring, telling her Erica wanted the girl to have it. The girl mentions that Erica had an old soul. “Not as I knew her.”, Knight responds with a smile. Natalie, Schanke and Knight leave, his spirit a bit renewed. 

Doctor Who — The Talons Of Weng-Chiang (1977, directed by David Maloney)


The TARDIS materializes in Victorian-era London.  Accompanying the Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) is his new companion, Leela (Louise Jameson).  After returning Sarah Jane Smith to her own time (more or less) and saving the Time Lords from being destroyed by the Master, the Doctor meet Leela on an unnamed planet in the far future.  Though Leela, with her short animal-skin outfit and her very large knife, seemed like a savage, she was actually the descendant of a group of Earth astronauts who had crashed on the planet centuries before.  Leela insisted on traveling with the Doctor and the Doctor reluctantly decided to try to civilize Leela or, at the very least, get her to stop carrying that big knife around with her.

Hence, the trip to London.  The Doctor wants her to see where her ancestors came from.  The Doctor’s plan is to take her to the Palace Theater, owned by Henry Gordon Jago (Christopher Benjamin), so that they can see a performance by the magician Li Hi’sen Chang (John Bennett).  Instead, they end up getting caught up in a series of murders that involving Chang, a giant rat in the London sewers, a miniature killer named Mr. Sin (Deep Roy) who snorts like a pig, and a 51st century war criminal named Magnus Greel (Michael Spice).

The Talons of Weng-Chiang is not only one of the best of the Fourth Doctor’s adventures but it’s also one of the best Doctor Who serials ever.  Victoria London, with its foggy streets and its collection of eccentric rogues, proves to be a perfect fit for Tom Baker’s Doctor, allowing Baker to try out the Sherlock Holmes persona that he would later use when he played the great detective himself in a BBC production of Hound of the Baskervilles.  Louise Jameson is also a delight in this story, with Leela’s naturally independent nature befuddling all of the very proper Victorians that she comes into contact with.  Louise Jameson had the unenviable task of trying to follow in the footsteps of the beloved Elisabeth Sladen.  (The show’s writers helped out by making Leela the opposite of Sarah Jane is almost every way.)  Supposedly, Tom Baker had not wanted a new companion and initially treated Louise Jameson very coldly, though he eventually warmed up to her.  With her performance in this serial, Louise Jameson proved that she definitely deserved to be a part of the Doctor’s adventures.

Of course, for many, the real highlight of this serial is the chemistry between Henry Gordon Jago and Professor Lightfoot (Trevor Baxter), the coroner who has been investigating a number of strange murders in London.  The blustery Jago and the reserved Lightfoot are almost as important to defeating Magnus Greel than the Doctor and Leela and the scenes in which they become an unlikely detective team are so enjoyable that it’s not a surprise that the BBC considered giving them a series of their own.  (From 2010 to 2017, the pair did star in an audio drama, one that imagined them investigating other mysteries and even teaming up with other Doctors.)  Of course, when I first saw The Talons of Weng-Chiang, I was just happy that Jago and Lightfoot managed to survive all six chapters.  After you watch enough Doctor Who, you learn not to get to attached to any of the supporting characters.  That Jago and Lightfoot did not fall victim to Mr. Sin was cause for celebration.

The Talons of Weng-Chiang actually has a pretty interesting story, one that justified its 6-episode length.  Magnus Greel is one of the great Doctor Who villains, a time traveling war criminal who pretended to be a God.  For the most part, Michael Spice was convincing as Greel, though his over-the-top delivery of a threat to “rip your flesh,” is one of the serial’s few unintentionally funny moments.  Another false step was the “giant rat,” which was clearly a normal-sized rat shot on a miniature set.  The rat looked bored.  When the rat has to interact with the Doctor and Leela, it becomes a giant rat dummy that looks very little like the normal rat.  And finally, a stuntman had to do a few scenes inside a rat costume.  All of the rat stuff doesn’t do much other than leave you wondering whether the story really needed a giant rat at all.   Of course, it’s really not Doctor Who if there isn’t at least one notable case of special effects failure.

The rat aside, there is another thing that has to be discussed when it comes to The Talons of Weng-Chiang.  When I was a kid, I didn’t really notice it because I was too busy enjoying the action set pieces, Tom Baker’s tongue-in-check performance, the Jago/Lightfoot team-up, and everything about Louise Jameson.  Rewatching The Talons of Weng-Chiang as an adult, the thing I immediately noticed was that, for an episode that featured a lot of Chinese characters (the majority of whom were not presented in a particularly positive light), there weren’t many Chinese actors in the cast.  The most prominent Chinese character was played by John Bennett, in full yellowface.  Reading about the production of the serial, I was not surprised to see that one of the inspirations was Sax Rohmer’s notoriously racist Fu Manchu novels.  While The Talons of Weng-Chiang may not be as flat-out racist as Rohmer’s novels, it still has its share of negative racial stereotypes.  (Of course, the story’s main villain is not Chinese.  Magnus Greel is described as being “the butcher of Brisbane,” make of that what you will.)  The Talons of Weng-Chiang is well-acted, well-directed, and well-written and there’s no way it would be made today, at least not in the same way that it was made in the 70s.  I’m not saying that’s a bad thing or a good thing.  It just a reminder of how much things have changed since 1977.

The final serial of the 14th season, The Talons of Weng-Chiang was a triumph and also proof that the Doctor could still have worthwhile adventures, even if he was no longer traveling with Sarah Jane.

Retro Television Review: Law and Order 6.13 “Charm City” and Homicide 4.11 “For God And Country”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Homicide crosses over with Law & Order.

Law & Order 6.13 “Charm City”

(Dir by Ed Sherin, originally aired on February 7th, 1996)

Homicide 4.11 “For God and Country”

(Dir by Ed Sherin, originally aired on February 9th, 1996)

This week, we have a two-part cross-over between Law & Order and Homicide.

On Law & Order, things start in New York City.  A chemical attack on a subway train leaves 20 people dead.  Because the train was specifically heading into Harlem and all of the victims were black, it is suspected that the attack was racially motivated.  In Baltimore, Frank Pembleton and Tim Bayliss hear about the attack and are reminded of a similar attack on a black church, which occurred five years prior.  Pembleton was the primary on the church attack.  He and Bayliss head to New York City, where they meet and quickly get on the nerves of Detectives Lennie Briscoe (Jerry Orbach) and Rey Curtis (Benjamin Bratt).

Pembleton’s investigation uncovers that a man from Baltimore, Brian Egan (Kevin Geer), not only had access to the chemicals used in both attacks but also that’s he currently in New York.  When Briscoe and Curtis arrest Egan and fail to get him to confess, Pembleton asks for permission to interrogate him.  Pembleton, being Pembleton, rather easily gets Egan to confess to having committed the church bombing.  However, before getting the confession, Pembleton pretends not to hear Egan say that he no longer wants to continue talking.  In typical Law & Order (if not Homicide) fashion, the confession is tossed out.

Jack McCoy (Sam Waterston) and Claire Kincaid (Jill Hennessy) still get their conviction.  (And Claire gets an admirer in the form of Tim Bayliss.)  However, it’s obvious that Egan was not working alone.  Egan says that he will never name names.

That changes when his wife is murdered and his teenage son goes missing.  Homicide opens with Bayliss investigating the poisoning of Egan’s wife.  He and Pembleton eventually track down Egan’s son and they get him to admit that he saw his uncle, former NSA agent Col. Alexander Rausch (J.K. Simmons), murder his mother.  Because Brian Egan has said that he’ll only reveal the truth of the conspiracy if his son is brought to New York, Briscoe and Curtis show up in Baltimore.

While Curtis, Bayliss, and Pembleton track down Colonel Rausch, Briscoe hangs out with Munch.  Their friendly banter goes south as soon as Briscoe mentions that he once knew a Gwen Munch in New York.  Gwen is John Munch’s ex-wife and John is not happy when he finds out that Briscoe slept with Gwen.  John Munch spends the rest of the episode drinking heavily.  Stanley Bolander would not approve.

As for Col. Rausch, he is captured and he turns out to be a smug snake.  (He’s played by J.K. Simmons, after all.)  Pembleton wants to see Rausch prosecuted for the church bombing and he especially wants to see racist Rausch publicly humiliated.  New York, however, wants to prosecute him for the subway attack.  Claire comes down to Baltimore and gets a judge to agree that Rausch should first be sent to New York.

Rausch doesn’t care.  He has a heart condition so he simply stops taking his heart pills and then drops dead while waiting for the train to take him to the Big Apple.  The episodes ends with Pembleton sobbing as he realizes Rausch will never be humiliated at a trial.  The New York cops shrug and say, “Sorry, Frank.”

I enjoyed this crossover quite a bit.  It was interesting to see two police dramas, each with a very different style, come together to tell one big story.  As Homicide always celebrated the lengths that Pembleton would go to get a confession in the Box, it was amusing to see what would actually happen to one of those confessions if it was brought to court.  Jack McCoy is not at all amused by Pembleton’s tactics.  Meanwhile, Briscoe, Curtis, and Claire was allowed to loosen up a bit when they went to Homicide and I enjoyed watching them shed their “just-the-facts” personas.  If the Law & Order episode was ultimately superior to the the Homicide episode, that’s just because the Law & Order episode featured an actual mystery to be solved whereas the Homicide episode occasionally felt as if it was padded out a bit.  On Homicide, it was obvious that Colonel Rausch was guilty and, from the minute he started to cough during the interrogation, it was easy to guess what his ultimate fate would be.

(I also have to say that it was interesting to compare this episode of Law & Order to watch Law & Order has become today.  How this show went from featuring McCoy confidently doing his job to Nolan Price essentially begging his co-counsel, on a weekly basis, to actually do her job is something that is worth considering.)

Overall, this was a good crossover.  For those who want to watch it, the Law & Order episode is available on Hulu and Disney+ while Homicide can be found on Peacock and Tubi.