Love On The Shattered Lens: The Path of the Wind (dir by Doug Hufnagle)

Posted on February 19, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2009 film, The Path of the Wind, begins with a man being released from prison and discovering that living in the real world can be just as confining.

Lee Ferguson (Joe Rowley) has spent the last few years locked up, convicted of killing a man. It was a spontaneous fight and Lee didn’t intend for the man to die but that doesn’t change the fact that Lee is responsible for taking another man’s life. He was a model prisoner and he intends to be a model citizen. Fortunately, he’s inherited a nice house and a good deal of money from his father. He’s also got a job waiting for him, as the well-meaning manager of the local grocery store has agreed to give Lee a chance.

From the minute he leaves the prison, Lee feels out-of-place in the world. He’s still struggling to control his temper and, because of his past, he’s hesitant about letting anyone get too close to him. He knows that if he tries to get close to anyone, he’ll eventually have to tell them why, despite his obvious intelligence and education, he’s currently working as a stocker in a grocery store. And, after he tells them that he’s been in prison, he’ll then have to explain what he did to find himself in that situation.

Still, on his first night of working at the grocery store, he meets a young woman named Katie (Liz DuChez). When he first sees her, Katie is being harassed by her violent ex-husband. Lee chases the man off. It turns out that Katie runs the local video store and she thanks Lee by offering him all of the free movies that he wants. Eventually, Lee works up the courage to go to the video store and gets a bunch of western DVDs. Later, he reveals that he not only doesn’t have a DVD player but he’s not totally sure what a DVD player is. I guess Lee was in prison for a while.

It takes a while but Lee and Katie finally start to date. Katie opens up about her past as a stripper and Lee finally tells her about the time that he spent in prison. (It turns out that Katie already knew.) They fall in love but there are still problems. For one thing, Katie is rather religious whereas Lee is a committed agnostic. Secondly, Katie refuses to have sex unless she’s married. Lee, meanwhile, really, really wants to get laid….

Of course, that’s not all that’s going on in The Path of the Wind. There’s about a different dozen storylines running through The Path of the Wind and the film doesn’t do a particularly good job of juggling all of them. Along with having to deal with Katie’s psycho ex-husband, Lee also has to deal with not one but two evil coworkers and his bitter sister. This is one of those films where a lot of plot points are raised but then mysterious abandoned. There is one effective scene, in which Wilford Brimley shows up as the father of the man that Lee killed. Brimley’s only in the film for a few minutes but he brings so much natural authority to his role that he basically takes over the entire movie for the limited amount of time that he’s on screen.

The film’s a bit of a mess but there’s a low-key sincerity to it that’s kind of likable. According to the imdb, it was made for a budget of $100,000 and, with the exception of Wilford Brimley, the cast is largely made up of amateurs. That said, both Joe Rowley and Liz DuChez have enough screen presence to be watchable and, even if the dialogue sometimes sounds a bit awkward, they have a likable chemistry and you can believe them as a couple. Add to that, the film does attempt to deal with a very real issue, the difficulty that ex-cons face trying to rejoin a society that often values punishment and revenge over forgiveness and rehabilitation. This is an amateur film but it may hold your interest.

Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969, directed by Abraham Polonsky)

Posted on February 18, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

In 1908, a Paiute Indian named Willie (Robert Blake) has fallen in love with a white woman named Lola (Katharine Ross). After Lola’s father discovers Willie and Lola together, Willie shoots him. Willie claims that the shooting was in self-defense while the white citizens of California insist that it was cold-blooded murder, motivated by a tribal custom that would allow Willie to claim Lola as his wife upon the death of her father. Willie and Lola go on the run, trying to escape through the Morongo Valley.

Because President Taft is scheduled to make a trip to the area, the locals are eager for Willie Boy to either be captured or killed. Several posses form, all intent on tracking Willie down. A humane deputy sheriff named Cooper (Robert Redford) reluctantly leads the search for Willie. Cooper’s occasional lover is a school teacher named Elizabeth (Susan Clark) who insists that Cooper rescue Lola from Willie. The only problem is that Lola doesn’t want to be rescued and Willie would rather die than surrender to the white men.

Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here is one of those revisionist westerns that were all the rage in the late 60s and the early 70s. (The same year that he led a posse in Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here, Robert Redford also tried to outrun a posse in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.) Willie Boy gets off to a good start, showing how Willie has to spend almost every hour of the day dealing with prejudice and racism. The film does a good job of showing that even “liberal” whites, like Elizabeth, are capable of being prejudiced. There are hints that Cooper and Willie share a mutual respect and both Blake and Redford do a good job portraying the weary respect that the lawman and the outlaw have for each other.

Things start to fall apart when Willie shoots Lola’s father. The scene is shot so confusingly that it’s hard to know what exactly happened and it feels like a cop out. Rather than definitely saying whether Willie had no choice but to shoot Lola’s father or that Willie intentionally committed murder, the scene tries to have it both ways and it doesn’t work. Once the chase begins, the movie is equally split between Cooper and the posse and Willie and Lola and the end result is that the two main characters end up getting short changed.

Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here was directed by Abraham Polonsky, a screenwriter who was blacklisted during the McCarthy era. While this is definitely a film made from a left-wing perspective, its actual message still feels muddled. Willie is the driving force behind the plot but the film seems to be more interested in the less intriguing Cooper. The film ends on a note of ambiguity, which perhaps felt daring in 1969 but today, just feels like another cop out. Despite a great performance from Blake and a better-than-usual one from Redford, Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here is an unfortunate misfire.

Love on the Shattered Lens: Blue Crush (dir by John Stockwell)

Posted on February 18, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Released in 2002, Blue Crush tells the story of Anne Marie Chadwick (Kate Bosworth).

Anne Marie lives in Hawaii and she’s got a lot going on in her life. Because her mother recently abandoned her daughters so that she could run off to Las Vegas with her good-for-nothing boyfriend, Anne Marie is practically raising her 14 year-old sister, Penny (Mike Boorem). Anne Marie is also working as a maid at a beach-side hotel, where she and her two best friends, Eden (Michelle Rodriguez) and Lena (Sanoe Lake), spend their time cleaning up messes and trying on the guests’s clothes. I have to admit that, if I was a maid, I’d probably try on the clothes too. However, after watching Blue Crush several times, I can tell you that the last thing I would ever want to do would be to work as a hotel maid. Seriously, some of the messes that Anne Marie, Eden, and Lena had to deal with were so disgusting that I had to look away from the screen. Bleh!

Anne Marie and her two friends are also surfers! In fact, surfing is pretty much what their lives revolve around. Anne Marie has been invited to compete in an upcoming competition but she’s haunted by an incident that occurred several years before, an extreme wipe-out that nearly caused her to drown. (Despite all of the beautiful surfing footage, this film does little to alleviate my own extreme drowning phobia.) Despite Eden’s encouragement, Anne Marie isn’t sure that she has what it takes to get back into the competition circuit.

Unfortunately, there’s a group of NFL players staying at the hotel and they totally trash their room and leave a huge mess for the maids to clean up. (At one point, Lena finds a used condom stuck to the bottom of her shoe and totally freaks out. I would have to. I once moved into an apartment that was already inhabited by several friends of mine and, while I was cleaning, I came across like nearly a hundred used condoms hidden in every nook and cranny of the place. I mean, I was happy that everyone was having sex but seriously, don’t just leave your condom on the floor after it’s been used. Pick up after yourself! Anyway, where was I?) Fortunately, however, one of the players is a totally hot quarterback named Matt (Matthew Davis). Matt and his fellow players hire Anne Marie and her friends to teach them how to surf. Matt and Anne Marie end up falling in love, mostly because they’re the two best-looking people on the beach. With Matt’s support, will Anne Marie be able to conquer her fears and compete in the competition? It would be a really depressing movie if she didn’t.

So, let’s see. What do you we have here?

We’ve got lots of pretty shots of pretty people running along the beach in slow motion.

We’ve got a soft-focus love scene between the best-looking people in the movie.

We’ve got a ton of exciting surfing footage.

We’ve got a thoroughly predictable plot that still kind of works because everyone involved is so good-looking.

Yep, this must be a John Stockwell film.

Seriously, John Stockwell is one of my favorite directors because he always delivers exactly what he promises. He makes films about beautiful people in beautiful places and if that’s not enough for you, too bad. He’s a genre director and makes no apologies for it. There’s a refreshing lack of pretension when it comes to John Stockwell’s filmography and it’s hard not to appreciate the universe that he creates in films like Crazy/Beautiful, Into the Deep, In the Blood, and this one. It’s a universe where everyone knows that they’re in a genre movie and they behave accordingly. It’s a world where the scenery is beautiful, the people are attractive, and nearly every problem can be solved by a kiss or the proper one-liner.

You could probably make the argument that the storyline of Blue Crush is shallow and a bit obvious. I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you. But who cares? Kate Bosworth and Matthew Davis have a tone of chemistry, the Hawaiian scenery is gorgeous, and well, I just kind of love this movie.

Scenes That I Love: The Opening Credits of Saturday Night Fever

Posted on February 18, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Saturday Night Fever (1977, dir. John Badham)

Today is John Travolta’s birthday!

In honor of this day, here’s a scene that I love, the opening credits of Saturday Night Fever. Watch as John Travolta, playing the role of Tony Manero, walks down the streets of Brooklyn, not letting the fact that he’s carrying two cans of paint do anything to lessen his strut. Watch as Tony puts a down payment on a pair of shoes! Thrill as Tony buys two slices of pizza! Cringe as Tony bothers a woman who wants absolutely nothing to do with him!

This is one of the greatest introductions in film history. Not only does it set Tony up as an exemplar of cool but it also subverts our expectations by revealing just how little being an exemplar of cool really means. I always relate to the woman who gets annoyed with Tony and tells him to go away. I know exactly how she feels, as does any woman who has ever been stopped in the middle of the street by some guy who thinks she has an obligation to talk him. It doesn’t matter how handsome he is or how much time he obviously spent working on his hair. He’s still just some guy carrying two buckets of paint and acting like she should be flattered that he spent half a minute staring at her ass before chasing after her. For all of his carefully constructed attitude, Tony comes across as being a rather ludicrous figure in this introduction. He carries those cans of paint like he’s going to war and you secretly get the feeling that he knows how silly he looks carrying them but he’s not going to allow anything to get in the way of his strut.

The rest of the film, of course, is about presenting who Tony actually is underneath the disco facade and it’s not always a pretty picture. I actually discussed this with some friends this weekend while we were listening to combination of disco and punk music. Saturday Night Fever has a reputation for being a fun dance movie but actually, it’s an extremely dark and rather depressing movie. The opening song isn’t lying when it says that “I’m going nowhere.” Tony is lost and, despite what happens in the sequel, he’s probably never going to escape his circumstances. Even though he clearly wants to be a better person, you’re never quite convinced that he has what it takes to truly do that. At least he can strut a little while waiting for the world to end. It takes guts to give an honest performance when you’re playing as imperfect a character as Tony Manero but Travolta pulls it off. (We won’t talk about some of the films that he made in the years immediately after this one. Eventually, he did make a comeback with Pulp Fiction and spent several years again appearing in good films. And then somehow, last year, he ended up starring in The Fanatic. Oh well. 66 is not that old and I’m sure Travolta has more than one comeback within him.)

Anyway, happy birthday to John Travolta! And here is today’s scene that I love:

I Escaped From Devil’s Island (1973, directed by William Whitney)

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

The year is 1918 and the French penal colony, Devil’s Island, is renowned as the world’s most brutal prison. Hidden away from mainland Europe, it is populated by the worst of the worst. The prisoners have been sentenced to either spend their life on the island or to die at the blade of guillotine and the guards are all sadists. Le Bras (Jim Brown) has been sentenced to die but he impresses his fellow inmates by putting up a fight on his way to have his head chopped off. He doesn’t succeed in escaping but, fortunately for him, the death penalty is abolished mere moments before the blade falls.

Le Bras is alive but he’s still been condemned to spend the rest of his life on Devil’s Island, under the sadistic eye of the head guard, Maj. Marteau (Paul Richards). However, Le Bras has no intention of being anyone’s prisoner. He teams up with two other prisoners, a pacifist named Davert (Christopher George) and Jo-Jo (Richard Ely), who, because he is gay, is abused by both the guards and the other prisoners. The three of them manage to escape from the prison but they still have to make their way through the jungle. Along the way, they visit a leper colony and Le Bras takes some time to get busy with a native woman. Meanwhile, Marteau remains hot behind them, determined to capture them and send them back to the prison.

If I Escaped From Devil’s Island sounds familiar, that may be because you’ve seen Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman in Papillon. Papillon was a major studio production with big stars, a huge budget, and an epic running time. I Escaped From Devil’s Island was a low-budget film starring B-movie stars and with a 90-minute running time that was the exact opposite of epic. Roger Corman produced I Escaped From Devil’s Island to capitalize on the expected success of Papillon and he started production early enough that I Escaped From Devil’s Island actually beat Papillon to theaters by a matter of weeks. Corman originally tried to hire Martin Scorsese to direct I Escaped From Devil’s Island. When Scorsese decided to follow John Cassavetes’s advice and do a personal film instead, Corman ended up hiring William Whitney to direct. (Scorsese’s personal film turned out to be Mean Streets, so he probably made the right decision.)

I Escaped From Devil’s Island is an entertaining B-movie. It doesn’t have the epic sweep of Papillon but it does have a fun cast and all the action that you would expect from a 70s Corman production. Jim Brown was never a great actor but he never claimed to be. What Brown had was a tremendous physical presence and a confident movie star charisma and both of those are put to good use in I Escaped From Devil’s Island. Whether he was playing football or beating up bad guys, Jim Brown was always the epitome of cool and that’s especially true in this film. Christopher George has some good scenes as a pacifist who believes in non-violent resistance and Paul Richards is a great villain but this is a movie that you watch for Jim Brown and he doesn’t disappoint.

As of today, Jim Brown is 84 years old. As anyone who has seen him interviewed recently can tell you, Jim Brown is still the epitome of cool. When Jim Brown speaks, whether people agree with him or not, they still shut up and listen. Happy birthday, Jim Brown!

Love on the Shattered Lens: Rapture (dir by John Guillermin)

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1965 film, Rapture, is an odd one.

It takes place in France, largely at an isolated home sitting on a cliff above the Brittany coast. Frederick Larbaud (Melvyn Douglas) is a former judge who has largely retreated from society. He lives in his house with his teenager daughter, Agnes (Patricia Gozzi) and his promiscuous housekeeper, Karen (Gunnel Lindbloom). He’s a stern man, one who is obviously struggling to overcome a vaguely defined personal tragedy. He is very overprotective of his daughter, Agnes.

As for Agnes, she alternates between moments of childish immaturity and moments of surprising clarity. She’s the type who still plays with dolls but who also casually tosses them over the cliff so that they can shatter on the rocks below. She seems to be naive and innocent but, at the same time, she’s also capable of blackmailing Karen and threatening to tell her father that Karen’s boyfriend sneaks into the house at night. When the sheltered Agnes gets her father’s permission to make a scarecrow for the garden, she throws herself into the work, even going so far as to flirt with the scarecrow after it’s been built.

Meanwhile, a sailor named Joseph (Dean Stockwell) has been arrested for getting into a fight during a drunken night on the town. While he’s being transported to jail, the prison bus runs off the road. Joseph escapes from the bus and runs up a hill, passing by Frederick, Agnes, and Karen. Though the police manage to seriously wound Joseph, he still escapes.

Later that night, during a violent storm, Agnes is shocked to see that her scarecrow has vanished. While she’s out searching for it, she comes across a delirious Joseph. Because Joseph has stolen the scarecrow’s clothes, Agnes decides that her scarecrow has come to life and, as a result, Joseph belongs to her. Surprisingly, Frederick expresses no reservations about allowing Joseph to stay at the house while he recovers from his gunshot wound.

Once Joseph recovers, he explains to Frederick what happened and says that he should probably turn himself in and hope for the best. Frederick, however, disagrees. It turns out that Frederick has an agenda of his own and part of that agenda is revealing that brutality of the police. He continues to allow Joseph to hide out at his house but little does Frederick know that Joseph is falling in love with Agnes (and, of course, Agnes still thinks that Joseph is her scarecrow come to life).

Rapture took me by surprise. When the film started, I honestly thought it was going to be unbearably pretentious and I wasn’t exactly filled with confidence when I discovered that the film was directed by John Guillermin, a prolific British director whose career spanned from the 50s and the 80s but whose overall output is not particularly highly regarded among film historians. With its obvious debt to Ingmar Bergman, Rapture did not seem like the type of movie that one would expect to be successfully directed by the 1960s equivalent of Taylor Hackford. And, it should be said, that the first fourth of the film is rather pretentious and a bit silly. The black-and-white cinematography is frequently gorgeous and atmospheric but Agnes’s eccentricity often feels overwritten and it seems to take forever for Joseph to actually show up at the house.

However, things get better. The film, itself, doesn’t become any less pretentious but eventually Joseph starts to fall for Agnes and the chemistry between Dean Stockwell and Patricia Gozzi is strong enough that it carries the viewer over the film’s rough spots. The film becomes less about how strange Agnes is and more about a sheltered girl falling in love for the first time and, freed from the inconsistency that marred her characterization during the first part of Rapture, Patricia Gozzi’s performance starts to click as Agnes becomes relatable and even sympathetic.

The film hits a high point when Joseph and Agnes try to start a life for themselves away from Agnes’s father and we watch a lengthy montage of their steadily deteriorating relationship. In a manner of minutes, we witness how quickly the intrusion of the real world threatens to cause their too perfect romance to go awry. Most of the montage is made up of overhead shots and it captures the feeling of two naive lovers being overwhelmed by the difficulties of living in the real world. With each movement of the camera, we feel Agnes and Joseph’s world getting a little bit more claustrophobic and a little more threatening.

The film ends on a sad note, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone watching. From the minute that Agnes leads a wounded Joseph into the house, we know that their love is doomed. That said, it’s still a rather odd ending and one that raises more questions than it answers. It’s a strange ending for a strange film and it’s one that will stick with you long after you watch it.

Bravo Two Zero (1999, directed by Tom Clegg)

Posted on February 16, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

In 1991, during the Gulf War, a British SAS patrol — codenamed Bravo Two Zero — is dropped behind enemy lines in Iraq. Led by Andy McNabb (played by Sean Bean), their mission is to track down and destroy Iraqi scud missile launchers and also to disrupt communications between Baghdad and Northwestern Iraq. Almost from the minute that the 8 member teams is dropped behind enemy lines, things start to go wrong. The weather turns against them. They’re spotted by both Iraqi civilians and soldiers. While the team tries to make it back to safety, McNabb and three others are captured by the Iraqis and are forced to endure torture while looking for an opportunity to escape.

Bravo Two Zero, which originally aired in two parts on the BBC, is based on Andy McNabb’s memoir about what happened when Bravo Two Zero found themselves trapped behind enemy lines, their mission compromised. It’s a rousing story but it’s also a controversial one. Several other people who were involved with the operation claimed that McNabb (which was a pseudonym adopted to protect the identities of the other members of the unit) exaggerated certain details, particularly the extent that he was tortured and the number of Iraqi soldiers that the unit had to fight on their way to the Syrian border. What is known for sure is that the unit was trapped behind enemy lines and, of the 8 who set out, only five returned, having survived against almost impossible odds. It’s possible to debate the exact details but no one debates the bravery of the men involved.

As a film, Bravo Two Zero takes McNabb at his word. It’s a tough and gritty war film and Sean Bean gives an excellent performance in the role of McNabb. Real-life footage from the Gulf War is mixed in with the recreation of what happened to the unit and it gives the film both a semi-documentary feel and it also ratchets up the suspense. While the news broadcasts present what appears to be a very easy victory over Iraq, we’re reminded that it wasn’t as easy for the men who were actually getting shot at on a daily basis. Will the men be able to make it to Syria before the rest of the world moves on? Though the film is clearly on the side of the Coalition Forces, it’s hardly blindly jingoistic. While the Iraqis who torture McNabb are presented as being sadists, the majority of the Iraqi citizens come across as just people trying to survive day-by-day while bombs rain down upon them. For the most part, the Iraqi people are presented as being caught in the middle of a war that, regardless of who wins, will never benefit them, pawns in a battle between competing super powers. The film’s villain is Saddam Hussein and not the people living under his dictatorship.

Bravo Two Zero is an excellent war film, one that emphasizes the hard work and training that goes into serving with the SAS over the usual action film heroics. While never glamorizing combat or war, it pays tribute to those who have served and made the ultimate sacrifice.

Mitchell (1976, directed by Andrew V. McLaglen)

Posted on February 15, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Mitchell (played by Joe Don Baker and don’t you forget it) is a detective who rubs everyone the wrong way because he’s a huge slob. In order to keep Mitchell from investigating a murder committed by a mobbed-up lawyer named Walter Deaney (John Saxon), Mitchell’s superiors order him to conduct surveillance on businessman James Arthur Cummings (Martin Balsam). Cummings is in the export/import game, which can only mean that he’s looking to smuggle heroin in the United States. Mitchell balks at having to spend hours sitting in a car and watching a house but he finally agree to do it just so he can show up his superiors. “I’m going to get Deaney and Cummings!” he says.

In order to get Mitchell off of his back, Deaney sends him a prostitute named Greta (Linda Evans). Mitchell doesn’t have any problem having sex with Greta but he does have a problem with her smoking grass. After spending two nights with her, he hauls her off to jail for possession because the only intoxicant that Mitchell needs is Schlitz beer.

Eventually, both Deaney and Cummings get tired to being harrassed by this slob so they team up to kill him. This leads to both a dune buggy accident that has to be seen to be believed and an exciting helicopter chase.

Mitchell is best-known for having been featured on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Everyone remembers Joel and the bots making savage fun of Joe Don Baker and commenting on the plot’s incoherence. What is less well-known is that the version that was shown on MST 3K was a heavily edited version that was missing some key scenes. Earlier today, I watched the unedited version of Mitchell. It’s still pretty bad but the plot does make slightly more sense. In the unedited version, we actually learn why John Saxon just vanishes from the movie and we also see the end result of Mitchell’s final confrontation with Cummings, instead of just cutting away. Even more importantly, in the unedited version, we discover that Mitchell spends the entire movie being threatened, abused, and insulted. It makes it easier to understand why he’s in such a terrible mood throughout the entire film. The unedited version of Mitchell is not much better than the edited version but it is a tougher and more violent film in every way.

Mitchell is usually described as being a take on Dirty Harry but it’s actually more of a French Connection rip-off. The slovenly Mitchell has more in common with the erratic Popeye Doyle than with the cool and collected Harry Callahan. Unfortunately, Mitchell doesn’t have any scenes that can compare to the chase scene from The French Connection nor does it have that film’s gritty, semi-documentary tone. Whereas Doyle and Callahan got results through being smart along with being tough (Dirty Harry, for instance, goes out of its way to show that Callahan is dogged investigator and not just a trigger-happy cop), Mitchell just annoys people until they try to kill him.

For all the shit that Joe Don Baker has taken for starring in Mitchell, his performance is not that bad. He’s convincing as a borderline fascist cop who doesn’t get much sleep and who doesn’t trust anyone. It’s just that Mitchell, as written, is never a likable hero. Instead, he’s the type of hero who busts his girlfriend because she has a tiny amount of grass in her purse. Of the villains, John Saxon is believably sleazy as Deaney but Martin Balsam sleep walks through his role as Cummings and, even in the unedited version, his plan never makes much sense. Balsam and Saxon should switched roles.

Finally, no review of Mitchell would be complete with including the lyrics of the haunting Mitchell theme song, sung by Hoyt Axton:

“My my my my Mitchell
What do your Mama say?
What would she do
if she knew you
were fallin’ round and carryin’ on that way…
Crackin’ some heads, jumpin’ in and out of beds
and hangin’ round the criminal scene…
Do you think you are some kind of a star like the guys on the movie screen…

Well oh my my my Mitchell
What would your captain say?
If he knew you was hangin’ round
Eatin’ with the crooks and shootin’ up the town
Know you been out there, roundin’ up the syndicate
succeedin’ where the others have failed
Oh my my my Mitchell
You shoot ’em just to get ’em in jail
When they take a look in the record book, they’ll find you got a lot of class…

The whole shebang, arrestin’ painted ladies for a little grass
Oh my my my Mitchell!”

“Mitchell!”

The cover of the unedited Mitchell DVD features Joe Don Baker from Walking Tall, Linda Evans from Dynasty, and a publicity still of John Saxon. Martin Balsam, however, does appear to have been taken from the film.

Cinemax Friday: Final Impact (1991, directed by Joseph Mehri)

Posted on February 14, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

The girl on the back cover of the VHS box is only in the film for 5 seconds.

Danny Davis (Michael Worth) is the light heavyweight kickboxing champion of Ohio but he wants to be the national champion so he approaches Nick Taylor (Lorenzo Lamas) for training. Nick used to be the national champion but he is still haunted by his brutal defeat at the hands and feet of Jack Gerard (Jeff Langton). Nick is now an alcoholic who makes his money on the oil wrestling circuit. (The girls wrestle in oil while Nick kickboxes in a ring. Guess what most of the people in the bar end up watching?) When Danny and Nick first meet, the arrogant Nick refuses to have anything to do with him. But when Nick sees Danny win his match and shout out, “I am invincible!,” Nick decides to take him under his wing. The kid’s good but he needs to learn some lessons about making potentially ironic declarations in the ring.

Nick trains Danny and shows him that all of his talent won’t mean anything if he allows himself to become predictable. Soon, Nick and Danny are making the national circuit and fighting in Las Vegas. But as Danny becomes successful, Nick starts to grow jealous. He starts to feel as if his girlfriend, Maggie (the incredible Kathleen Kinmont), prefers Danny to him and he becomes so insecure that he can’t even perform long enough to cheat with a local prostitute that he picks up in a bar. Making matters worse is that, for Danny to become the champ, he’s going to have to defeat Jake Gerard, the man who ended Nick’s professional career.

Occasionally, late night Cinemax took a break from showing nudity-filled neo-noirs to show films like this one, a low-budget rip-off of Rocky, The Karate Kid, and Kickboxer. Of all the films that came out of this very 90s genre, Final Impact is one of the better examples. The fight scenes are exciting but the real appeal of this film is that it stars Lorenzo Lamas and Kathleen Kinmont, back when they were still a couple. Kinmont was one of the best of the 90s video vixens, beautiful and not a bad actress either. Meanwhile, Lorenzo Lamas was the male Shannon Tweed. Lamas may not have been a great actor but his total lack of shame and his ability to deliver deadpan dialogue like, “No one is invincible,” without cracking a smile made him more entertaining than many of his fellow direct-to-video stars. Lamas lurches drunkenly through Final Impact, taking both himself and the movie far too seriously and playing Nick’s emotional breakdown like an actor begging the Academy to just take a look. It’s fun to watch.

Final Impact ends as these films always do, with a champion being crowned. As far as I’m concerned, everyone in the film is champion, a champion of 90s Cinemax.

Love on the Shattered Lens: Lying Eyes (dir by Marina Sargenti)

Posted on February 14, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If you want to see something creepy, just check out the first 5 minutes of the 1996 television film, Lying Eyes.

It takes place at a high school basketball game. While the team is heading into the locker room for halftime (which is something that I assume they do in basketball, though I’ve never actually watched a game so I could be wrong), the cheerleaders run out onto the court and do their routine. The camera switches back and forth from closeups of the cheerleader’s backsides to shots of a handsome man named Derek Bradshaw (Vincent Irizarry) sitting in the stands and obviously enjoying the show.

The scene already has a leering quality but what makes it disturbing is the little smile that comes to Derek’s face while he watches the cheerleaders. Derek maybe handsome but he’s also quite a bit older than the teenagers who are sitting around him. It’s obvious that he’s come to the game alone and it’s also obvious, just from the way that he’s watching, that he didn’t come because he’s a fan of high school basketball. Instead, he’s there to ogle the cheerleaders.

Later, one of the cheerleaders — Amy Miller (Cassidy Rae) — is driving home. We’ve already seen a scene where Amy explains to her best friend, Dana (Ashlee Levitch), that she’s tired of dating immature teenage boys. While Amy’s sitting at a stop light, another car rear ends her. The driver gets out and checks to see if Amy’s okay. The other driver is ….. DEREK!

Amy is immediately charmed by Derek, especially after he offers to pay for the damage done to her bumper so that she won’t have to report the accident to her insurance company. Later, when Amy goes to pick up her car from the garage that Derek recommended, she discovers that not only has the bumper been replaced but that Derek also had the mechanic install a CD player! (Remember, this movie was made in 1996.) And Derek’s given her a bundle of CDs! When she thanks him, he smiles and says that he hopes that she likes Hootie and the Blowfish.

(Seriously, he says that. I’m not joking.)

Anyway, Derek and Amy are soon having an affair. Amy thinks that Derek is the best and even accepts his word when he explains that he’s married but he and his wife are separated. However, everyone else in Amy’s life is suspicious of Derek and so are we, because we’ve seen a 100 movies just like this one! Plus, we saw Derek acting all pervy at the high school basketball game….

Soon, Amy’s grades are slipping and her friends are getting mad at her because she’s no longer spending any time with them. However, Amy has other things to be concerned about. For instance, someone leaves a note in her mailbox, calling her a whore. Someone keeps calling the house. Someone takes a knife to her new leather jacket. Apparently, someone is not happy about Amy’s relationship and, even after Amy breaks it off with Derek, the harassment continues.

Who is out to get Amy? Could it be Derek? Could it be Derek’s wife? Could it be Dana or maybe even Dana’s older sister, Jennifer (Alison Smith)? Or could it be someone who Amy doesn’t even suspect?

Lying Eyes is an enjoyably trashy film. This is one of those movies where you know exactly what’s going to happen but the film itself is just so cheerfully melodramatic that you can’t help but get sucked into it. Though the film was originally made for NBC, it has since become a Lifetime staple. This really is the ultimate Lifetime film. Unfortunately, it’s not as a good as it used to be because, the last few times I watched the film, I noticed that the original kickass soundtrack had been replaced by a generic soundtrack. I get that this sort of thing happens and it has to do with whether or not the distributor feels like its worth the trouble to pay for the rights to the songs that originally appeared in the film. But seriously, the generic music that replaced the original soundtrack often doesn’t even go with the scenes in which it is heard. This is especially true of the film’s opening, where the cheerleaders’ opening routine was obviously choreographed to totally different music from what is now playing in the background.

On the plus side, Vincent Irizarry is both perfectly sleazy and perfectly charming in the role of Derek and Cassidy Rae is relatable and sympathetic at Amy. Falling for a guy who is obviously wrong but refusing to listen to your friends and family because you want the fantasy to be true? Seriously, we’ve all been there. That was pretty much my entire life when I was 18 years old. Rae does such a great job that you don’t even mind that Amy often behaves like an idiot. (Seriously, if someone is stalking you, threatening to kill you, and forcing your car off the road, you might want to consider not shrugging it off.)

Lying Eyes is a good, trashy melodrama and if you’re looking for some Valentine’s Day counter programming, it’s on Amazon Prime. I just wish they would bring back the original soundtrack.