Retro Television Review: The Night They Saved Christmas (dir by Jackie Cooper)

Posted on December 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1984’s The Night They Saved Christmas! It can be viewed on Tubi and YouTube.

The Night They Saved Christmas argues that there are two types of people in the world.

There are people who still believe in Santa Claus and all that he represents and then there are the people who gave up their belief a long time ago. Those who believe in Santa Claus are still full of the Christmas spirit and, under the right circumstances, they might even get to meet the elves and the jolly old man himself. Those who do not believe are destined to waste their holiday on focusing on material things that aren’t really important.

Petroleum engineer Michael Baldwin (Paul Le Mat) doesn’t believe in Santa Claus and that’s why he had no trouble moving his entire family to the North Pole so that they could freeze while he headed up an oil exploration project. Michael and his boss, billionaire Sumner Murdock (Mason Adams), are determined to find oil and they’ve got an endless supply of dynamite with which to search for it.

Michael’s wife, Claudia (Jaclyn Smith), still believes in the spirit of Santa and she encourages their children to believe as well. For that reason, Ed the Elf (played by singer Paul Williams), is willing to take Claudia and the kids to North Pole City. They get to meet Santa (Art Carney) and they even learn how Santa uses satellite technology to deliver presents all over the world. The city is really quite impressive, with the movie making good use of matte paintings and miniatures to create the impression of a magical metropolis. And Santa turns out to be a pretty nice guy, even if he does tell the elves that he’s sick of them singing Jingle Bells.

Unfortunately, North Pole City is in danger! Every day, the oil company’s dynamite causes a mini-earthquake. With the dynamiting getting closer and closer to North Pole City, Santa and the elves worry that they might be on the verge of getting blown up! Can Claudia and the kids convince Michael to stop blowing up huge chunks of the North Pole before Christmas is ruined!?

Well, listen — I don’t think it’s a spoiler for me to tell you that Christmas is not ruined. It would be pretty cynical for the movie to end with Michael blowing up Santa Claus and cynical is one thing that The Night They Saved Christmas is not. This is a very earnest film, full of cheery elves, a paternal Santa, and lots of Christmas music. Even greedy old Mr. Murdock turns out to be not that bad of a guy. In the end, this film says that Santa and the spirit of Christmas is for everyone and that’s certainly not a bad message. It’s a likeable movie for the holiday season and Art Carney is a perfect Santa Claus, even if he does appear to be a little underweight for the role. As played by Carney, Santa is welcoming, good-humored, and still enthusiastic about his job, even after centuries of doing it. He’s exactly the way you would want Santa to be. This is a film that earns the right to wish everyone a merry Christmas!

Holiday Film Review: Little Miss Millions (Dir by Jim Wynorski)

Posted on December 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

A Jim Wynorski Christmas movie!?

Yes, there is such a thing. First released in 1993, Little Miss Millions tells the story of a cynical but good-hearted private investigator named Nick Frost (Howard Hesseman) who is hired to track down a 9 year-old runway named Heather (Jennifer Love Hewitt, making her feature debut at the age of 12). Nick is hired by Heather’s stepmother, Sybil (Anita Morris), who only wants Heather back because she’s worth several million dollars. After Sybil hires Nick, she also decides to frame him for kidnapping Heather so that she can both get back her stepdaughter and get out of having to pay any reward money. Soon, Nick has two federal agents (played by James Avery and Robert Fieldstell) on his trail. For her part, Heather just wants to find and live with her birthmother, Susan (Terri Treas).

It’s a pretty simple film, one that borrows heavily from It Happened One Night (minus the romantic element, of course) and every single Christmas film that has ever been made. This is one of those rather corny family films where you will pretty much be able to guess everything that is going to happen before it happens but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a holiday film and no one watches a holiday film to get depressed. They watch holiday films for the sentimental moments and the heart-warming comedy and the moments that create an idealized portrait of life during the holiday season. For all of the violence to be found in them, both Die Hard and Die Hard 2 end with John McClane being reunited with his wife for the holidays. As dark as It’s A Wonderful Life occasionally is, it still ends with that bell ringing and Clarence getting his wings. Miracle on 34th Street never answers for sure whether or not Kris Kringle is who he says he is but Natalie Wood still gets her house with a tree in back. A Christmas Story‘s Ralphie does not shoot his eye out. Lethal Weapon‘s Riggs finds a new family. And don’t even get me started on Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. We watch holiday movies for holiday cheer and, in its unpretentious way, Little Miss Millions is full of that cheer.

Of course, it’s still a Jim Wynorski film. So, while this is definitely a family film without many of the things that are typically associated with the Wynorski brand, Little Miss Millions still finds time for a sudden rainstorm that leaves everyone drenched. And, of course, Nick and Heather stop off at a biker bar that is inhabited by Rick Dean, Toni Naples, and wrestler Queen Kong. Peter Spellos, who played the much-abused Orville Ketchum in Sorority House Massacre 2 and Hard To Die, shows up as a bus driver. It’s still a Wynorski film but it’s also a sweet-natured film, featuring likable performances from Howard Hesseman and Jennifer Love Hewitt. It’s not a holiday classic but it’s diverting enough for those looking for something with which to pleasantly pass the time.

Retro Television Review: Night Partners (dir by Noel Nosseck)

Posted on December 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Lauren Hensley (Diana Canova) is a divorced mother who has a nice house in Bakersfield, California. Her best friends and neighbors are housewife Elizabeth McGuire (Yvette Mimieux) and Elizabeth’s husband, a cop named Glenn (Arlen Dean Snyder). One night, after spending the day with the McGuires, Lauren returns to her home and is attacked by three burglars.

For Lauren, the crime is not even the worst part of the night. The worst part is when the police don’t even seem to care that much about her suffering and instead take a “just-the-facts” approach to getting the details to what she’s been through. Glenn attempts to explain to both Lauren and Elizabeth that cops see terrible things every day and, if they seem desensitized to it all, that’s just their way to handling the stress of the job. Lauren, however, feels that the cops need a unit that provides the same support for victims that the criminals receive from their lawyers and social workers.

At a community meeting, Lauren proposes her idea to the police chief, John Wilson (Larry Linville). When Wilson replies that there is no money in the budget, Lauren suggests that maybe the program could be staffed by volunteers. She then proceeds to volunteer herself and Elizabeth. Wilson agrees, but on the requirement that Lauren and Elizabeth first attend the police academy and train with the officers. Under the watchful eye of the gruff but kindly Joe Kirby (M. Emmet Walsh), the two middle-aged housewives run obstacle courses and learn about conflict resolution. And while the conflict resolution lessons make sense, I’m not sure what the point of having them do the obstacle course was.

Eventually, Lauren and Elizabeth become quite good at their jobs, providing comfort to the victims and getting information that helps the police put away criminals, like the serial rapist (a young M.C. Gainey) who has been stalking the streets of Bakersfield. Of course, it takes them a while to get good at the job. When Elizabeth and Lauren are first sent out on the streets, they can’t even keep the police codes straight and they accidentally call in a robbery code when they’re instead just letting the dispatcher know that they’re on break. Bizarrely, when Lauren and Elizabeth are not at a crime scene talking to a victim, they’re just supposed to drive around in a beat-up patrol car. Neither one of them has the power to arrest anyone because they’re just volunteers. In fact, they’re supposed to stay out of the way until the police specifically call for them to come to a crime scene. So, why are they patrolling the city like real cops? It seems like that would basically be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Night Partners was obviously designed to serve as a pilot for a series where Laruen and Elizabeth would comfort victims and help to solve crimes. The two lead actresses are likable and M. Emmet Walsh is particularly effective as their supervisor. That said, the film itself can’t decide if it wants to be a hard-hitting crime drama or a comedy about two housewives trying to make it as cops. Of course, there’s no reason why it couldn’t be both. Some of the best cops shows have had elements of dark, gallows humor. But this film’s tone is so inconsistent that the comedic scenes seem to be taking place in an entirely different universe from the dramatic scenes.

As someone who strongly believes that the right of the victims need to be given as much weight as the rights of the criminals, I appreciated the film’s message. I just wish it had been delivered a bit more effectively.

Film Review: Assassin (dir by Jesse Atlas)

Posted on December 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Assassin tells the story of Alexa (Nomzamo Mbatha), a soldier whose husband (Mustafa Shakir) was a member of secret government program in which people would allow their minds to be transferred into the bodies of strangers so that those strangers could then be used to assassinate America’s enemies. When Alexa’s husband ends up in a coma as a result of trying to assassinate Adrian (Dominic Purcell), Alexa is forcefully recruited into the program and is sent to complete her husband’s mission.

That may sound like it would make for an intriguing film but Assassin is pretty dull. Neither Nomzamo Mbatha nor Dominic Purcell give particularly interesting performances and the film’s plot and themes were far better explored in Brandon Cronenberg’s Possessor. Watching the film, I found it impossible to have much sympathy for Alexa because she was not only murdering people but she was also ruining the lives of the innocent people who she ended up possessing. The fact that her husband was in a coma didn’t excuse any of that. If anything it made Alexa even less sympathetic. After seeing what being an assassin did to her husband, why would Alexa want any of that?

Towards the end of the film, one of Alexa’s targets realizes that Alexa is possessing someone else’s body. Alexa’s handler announces that she’s going to pull Alexa out of the body and then “get the wet team to take this guy out.” If you have a team that can do it, why are you wasting time with possessing other people’s bodies? Why would you decide to use the most complicated plan available when you could just simply send in a team and or have a drone blow up the guy’s house? It’s almost as if the program is designed to be too complex to work. As I watched the film, I suddenly started to understand why the CIA was never able to take out Castro. Sometimes, people just make things complicated for no reason.

Sadly, Assassin is also the final film of Bruce Willis. Willis plays Valmora, the guy who is in charge of the Assassin program. As was typical of Willis’s final films, he only gets a few minutes of screen time and he spends most of that time either sitting down or standing in a corner. Willis, even though he obviously wasn’t in the best of health when he shot this film, still projects enough natural authority to be believable as Valmora. Even though it’s obvious that he’s repeating lines that were fed to him just a few minutes before shooting, Willis still gives the most (and perhaps only) credible performance in the film.

Assassin is a sad note for Bruce Willis to go out on. Of Willis’s final batch of films, the best were Gasoline Alley, Corrective Measures, and Wire Room. Assassin, however, is just dull and anyone tempted to watch it just because of Willis’s presence would be better served to go rewatch Die Hard, Pulp Fiction, The Sixth Sense, 12 Monkeys, or …. well, really, any other movie that Bruce Willis ever appeared in. Bruce Willis was one of our greatest movie stars and nothing, not even films like Assassin, can change that.

Film Review: Rustin (dir by George C. Wolfe)

Posted on December 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In Netflix’s Rustin, Colman Domingo plays Bayard Rustin.

A Quaker, a pacifist, a leader of the civil rights movement, and a former communist, Bayard Rustin was an early advisor to Martin Luther King, Jr. Rustin commitment to non-violent protest was a huge influence on King’s own activism and Rustin helped King to organize the Southern Christian Leadership Council. Rustin was one of King’s closest advisors but he was distrusted by other leaders of the movement because of both his independent nature and the fact that he was a gay man at a time when homophobia was the law of the land. In fact, Rustin opens with Rustin’s rivals, the NAACP’s Roy Wilkins (Chris Rock) and U.S. Rep. Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. (Jeffrey Wright), letting King know that it would be in his best interest not to be associated with someone like Bayard Rustin. Rustin, thinking that King will stand with him, offers to resign from the SCLC and is stunned when King (Aml Ameen) accepts his resignation.

After spending three years in relative obscurity and watching as younger civil rights activists start to reject the non-violence that is at the core of his philosophy, Rustin comes up with the idea that will become the 1963 March on Washington. Putting aside his hurt feelings, Rustin works with King and several other civil rights leaders to organize the March and, at the same time, he once again finds himself being attacked for being both gay and a former member of the Communist Party. Even while organizing the march, Rustin pursues a doomed relationship with a deeply closeted clergyman (Johnny Ramey).

It’s an important story but the film itself is sabotaged by both its script and its direction. The script, which was co-written by Dustin Lance Black, is heavy on exposition and monologues but there’s few moments in which the characters really get to come alive. Meanwhile, George C. Wolfe’s direction is stagey and stodgy. Visually, the film has the aesthetic of a well-produced made-for-TV movie. For all the time that is spent on the planning of the March of Washington, the event itself is recreated in a rushed and rather flat matter. One could argue that the filmmakers felt that the real event is so iconic that there would no way to really do it justice and perhaps the filmmakers were correct in that. Still, one can’t help but feel that Wolfe should have at least tried to capture some of the event’s electricity. The film, to its credit, captures the hard work that went on behind-the-scenes of the civil rights movement but there are very few moments that feel spontaneous or as if they have a spark of life actually being lived in front of the camera.

Fortunately, the film is blessed to feature Colman Domingo in the title role. Playing a larger-than-life figure, Domingo gives a performance that is big, charismatic, flamboyant, and sensitive. As played by Domingo, Rustin is a collection of seemingly conflicting traits. At times, he’s confident to the point of being arrogant but, when he finds himself shunned by the other leaders of the civil rights movement, he reveals the insecurity hiding underneath the surface. Rustin is hyperactive yet focused, angry yet forgiving, and self-absorbed yet compassionate. One of the film’s best moments comes when Rustin responds to an innuendo-filled attack on him by throwing himself into planning every detail of the March. Rustin is surrounded by people telling him that, as a black man and a gay man, he will always be a second-class citizen and an outsider. Rustin refuses to accept that and Domingo captures the intelligence, wit, and determination that allowed Rustin to continue to fight, against amazing odds, for equality.

The film doesn’t tell us much about Rustin’s life after the March on Washington. In later years, Rustin, while remaining a socialist, became a strong anti-Communist and was also an outspoken supporter of Israel. Today’s Left would probably not have much use for the moderate Bayard Rustin and, with his commitment to non-violence, it’s doubtful that Rustin would have much use for many of them. Despite his prominence in the Civil Rights movement and the importance of his work, Rustin is still not as well-known as he should be. Perhaps this movie, despite its flaws, will change that.

Retro Television Reviews: The Last Angry Man (dir by Jerrold Freedman)

Posted on December 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1974’s The Last Angry Man! It can be viewed on YouTube.

During the Great Depression, Dr. Sam Abelman (Pat Hingle) is a doctor who works in the slums of Brooklyn. Dr. Abelman can be gruff. Dr. Abelman can be crotchety. Dr. Abelman can be, as the title suggests, a little bit angry. He can’t help but get annoyed at how difficult it is to get his patients to pay him. He gets easily annoyed with red tape and bureaucracy. Dr. Abelman is an angry man. In his eyes, he’s the last angry man.

But that doesn’t mean that Dr. Abelman doesn’t care about his patients or the community in which he lives. Underneath his gruff exterior, Dr. Abelman is truly a man who wants to make the world a better place. Sam Abelman is especially angry at the doctors who have abandoned the neighborhood that once supported them and who now work at hospitals that have little room for the poor.

The film focuses on Dr. Abelman’s attempts to help Frankie Parelli (Michael Margotta), a troubled teenager who has a reputation for being a bully and a petty criminal. When Frankie starts to suffer from frequent seizures, Dr. Abelman comes to be convinced that Frankie is suffering from a brain tumor. Dr. Abelman wants to get Frankie seen by a specialist and a surgeon but it’s difficult because of Frankie’s own bad reputation and also the fact that Frankie’s family doesn’t have much money. Dr. Abelman uses a combination of shaming and outrage to finally get Frankie examined. But, when it become apparent that Frankie is going to need an operation, is Dr. Abelman going to be able to get him under the knife?

The Last Angry Man was loosely based on a novel by Gerald Green. The novel was previously adapted into a 1959 film, which starred the great actor Paul Muni in his final role. (Muni received an Oscar nomination for his performance.) If the novel and the 1959 film emphasized the grittiness of the neighborhood in which Dr. Abelman worked, the 1974 made-for-TV version takes place in a remarkably clean version of Brooklyn. It’s a very pleasant slum. There’s no trash to be seen. The apartment buildings and the streets have the crisp look that only comes from shooting on a studio backlot. Everyone in the neighborhood is remarkably friendly. Even Frankie is a rather mild-mannered delinquent. Dr. Abelman may be angry but everyone’s so nice that it sometimes seems like he’s going a little bit overboard.

The Last Angry Man was clearly meant to be a pilot for a television series and, as such, the movie’s action doesn’t really seem to build up to any sort of grand climax. Instead, the film is more about introducing Dr. Abelman and all the quirky people in the neighborhood. Pat Hingle was a good actor but, as Dr. Abelman, he’s all bluster with little depth. It’s hard not to feel that both the film and the potential show would have been well-served by having Pat Hingle and Sorrell Brooke (who plays Abelman’s best friend, Dr. Vogel) switch roles. When Sorrell Brooke gets annoyed and angry in this film, you have no doubt that the feeling is genuine.

Unfortunately, The Last Angry Man just isn’t angry enough.

Film Review: Cop (dir by James B. Harris)

Posted on December 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 1988, Cop stars James Woods as Lloyd Hopkins, a homicide detective who does not …. wait for it …. GO BY THE BOOK!

Actually, has there ever been a movie about a homicide detective who always made sure to go by the book? I’m sure there has been but I really can’t think of any off the top of my head. Whenever a homicide detective shows up as the main character of a movie, you can be sure that he’s going to drink too much, carouse too much, and get yelled at by his superiors. If the movie involves a serial killer, you can be sure that the detective and the killer are going to be mirror images of each other, two renegades who have found differing ways to work out their issues with the world.

As much as we talk about the cliché of the cop who does it his way, would we really want to see a movie about a cop who plays by the rules? I mean, most people dread having to deal with cops. It’s not just that cops usually bring bad news. It’s also that dealing with a cop means having to spend a lot of time while they slowly and methodically go through all of their procedures. There have been so many times that I’ve been pulled over speeding and I’ve just wanted to yell, “Just write the ticket!” Most people agree that we need some sort of police force, regardless of what the Defund folks say. But most people also hate following the rules, especially when those rules feel rather arbitrary. That’s the appeal of the renegade cop. The renegade cop fills a purpose in society but, at the same time, he dislikes dealing with all of the usual cop nonsense as much as the rest of us.

As for Lloyd Hopkins, he’s hyperactive, jittery, sleazy, and a terrible father and husband. He cheats on his wife. He tells his daughter all about the gory details of his job. (His daughter, it should be noted, seems to enjoy hearing them.) He obsesses on the crimes that he investigates and he pursues murderers with a fanaticism that suggests that Lloyd knows that he’s just one bad life choice away from becoming one of them himself. (And, indeed, Lloyd kills quite a few people over the course of Cop, even allowing one person to get into another room and get a shotgun just so Lloyd will have an excuse to shoot him.) Lloyd is someone who is dangerous to know but, at the same time, he’s also probably the only person who can stop the killer who is seemingly committing random murders in Los Angeles.

The plot is typical of films about obsessive detectives pursuing faceless killers but Cop stands out due to the director of James B. Harris and the lead performance of James Woods. Harris creates an atmosphere of continual unease, one in which the viewers gets the feeling that anyone could become the killer’s next victim at any moment. James Woods, meanwhile, plays Lloyd as being a live wire, someone who simply cannot stop thinking and talking because he knows that the minute he does, he’s going to have to take a serious look at the wreck of his life and his own less-than-stable behavior. Lloyd may be a self-destructive bastard but he’s a compelling self-destructive bastard and, in this film’s version of Los Angeles, he’s about as close as one can get to avenging angel. The film is full of good actors, like Charles Durning, Lesley Ann Warren, and Raymond J. Barry, but it is ultimately James Woods’s show. Lloyd gets the film’s final line and it’s a killer but it works because, by the time he utters it, the viewer feels as if they have gotten to know Lloyd.

Cop is based on Blood on the Moon, a novel by James Ellroy. I have not read that novel so I don’t know how closely Cop sticks to Ellroy’s original plot. Nor do I know how James Ellroy felt about Cop, which was the first movie to be based on his work. That said, Ellroy’s writing and Harris’s film share a dark vision of humanity and a subversive sense of humor. Ellroy has often declared himself to be the world’s great crime novelist and, from what I’ve read of his work, I would tend to agree. Cop is certainly not the greatest crime movie ever made (nor is it the best film to ever be adapted from Ellroy’s writing) but it’s still pretty damn good.

Film Review: Evil Dead Rise (dir by Lee Cronin)

Posted on December 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In the latest Evil Dead film, an earthquake hits Los Angeles, shaking an apartment complex, destroying the fire escape, and screwing up the elevators. It also leads to a part of the basement parking lot collapsing, revealing a previously concealed chamber. Three siblings — teenagers Danny (Morgan Davies) and Bridget (Gabrielle Echols) and their younger sister, Kassie (Nell Fisher) — enter the chamber. Danny finds several vinyl records and a book that is bound in human skin.

Now, personally, if I found a book that was bound in human skin, I would not pick it up. I mean, that’s just creepy! Honestly, the only reason why someone would bound a book in human skin would be to let the world know that the book is something evil. But Dany is stupid, so he takes the book back to the apartment where he and his siblings live with their mother, Ellie (Alyssa Sutherland). Danny not only opens the book but he also plays the records. The second record features a priest reciting an incantation and soon, all Hell breaks lose. It doesn’t take long before Ellie is dead and then possessed by the Deadites. Soon, the entire building is full of possessed people and it falls to Ellie’s wayward sister, a “groupie” named Beth (Lily Sullivan), to protect the children from the demon that is inhabiting their mother’s body.

Evil Dead Rise has been described as being the “second Evil Dead film without Bruce Campbell” but that’s not quite true. Along with Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell served as an executive producer on the film and he also provided the voice of one of the people heard on the vinyl record. As Campbell is heard telling the priest not to read the incantation, it’s totally probable that the voice on the record is meant to be belong to Ash Williams. Evil Dead Rise definitely takes place in the same cinematic universe as the previous Evil Dead films. This isn’t like one of David Gordon Green’s snooty Halloween films. Evil Dead Rise is not ashamed of its heritage and, indeed, it’s full of visual references to the previous Evil Dead films. Yes, an eyeball is swallowed. Yes, there is a huge amount of blood spilled in the film, with the film’s main characters literally getting drenched in it. Yes, a boomstick is fired. And yes, there is some chainsaw action towards the end of the film. Beth says, “Come get some,” at one point and it’s a crowed-pleasing moment. The characters are all named after people who were involved in the previous films. At a time when so many sequels and reboots seem to resent the films that came before, Evil Dead Rise does not hide its heritage.

That said, while watching Evil Dead Rise, it was hard not to miss the slapstick anarchy that Raimi and Campbell brought to Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness. Evil Dead Rise plays up the horror of the Deadites and it is one of the rare horror films where you truly do come to feel like any character, regardless of how innocent or likable, could die at any moment. But, to be honest, the Deadites aren’t that interesting without Sam Raimi’s hyperactive visuals and Ash’s over-the-top mix of machismo and stupidity. Without the humor and the destructive glee of Raimi and Campbell, the Deadites are just another group of mean-spirited demons. Without Ash and Raimi’s kinetic camerawork, the film focuses on the Deadites and the film sometimes feels a bit generic as a result.

Which is not to say that Evil Dead Rise is not an effective survival horror film. The apartment building is an appropriately claustrophobic location and the sibling rivalry between Ellie and Beth brings an interesting subtext to the film’s story. When the possessed Ellie taunts Beth, it’s obvious that Beth is hearing everything that she’s always suspected her sister thought about her. Defeating her possessed sister is as much about Beth conquering her own insecurities as it is about defending Ellie’s children. Even if it’s not quite to the level of Raimi’s films, the blood-drenched finale achieves a horrific grandeur that bring to mind the best of Lamberto Bava’s Demons films. Evil Dead Rise is a well-made if occasionally generic chapter in the Evil Dead saga, though it’s impossible not to miss Rami and Campbell while watching the film.

Retro Television Reviews: Blood Sport (dir by Jerrold Freedman)

Posted on December 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

David Birdsong (played by Gary Busey, who was 29 at the time) is a high school senior with a potentially bright future ahead of him. He’s the quarterback of his high school’s football team and it looks like he’s on the verge of leading his team to an undefeated season. He’s getting recruited by all the big schools. Scouts are coming to his games to watch him play. He also has one of the highest GPAs at his school, though it’s suggested that might have more to do with his importance to the football team than his actual study skills.

“Don’t you have anything else you want to do with your life?” his high school principal (David Doyle) asks him and David’s reaction indicates that he’s never really given it much thought. From the time he was born, David’s father, Dwayne (Ben Johnson), has been shaping his son to become a star athlete. Dwayne is happiest when he’s watching David play, whether on the field or in the highlight reels that he keeps down in the basement. When Dwayne sees that his son isn’t on the field, he’s the type of father who will get out of the stands and argue with the coach on the sidelines. Dwayne continually tells David not to stay out too late. The one time that David does, Dwayne slaps him hard enough to send his son to the floor.

Coach Marshall (Larry Hagman) is determined to get his undefeated season, no matter how hard he has to push his players. The coach is the type who is convinced that his players respect him for his stern ways and his long-winded speeches but little does he realize that they all secretly despise him. When one of his players drop dead of a heart attack during practice, Coach Marshall demands that the player stop being lazy and get up. When he realizes that the player is never going to get up, Coach Marshall angrily asks, “Why did this have to happen now!?” Later, at a pep rally, Coach Marshall announces that his team had a private meeting and agreed that they would win the final game in the player’s memory. The team is disgusted but the rest of the town loves their coach.

David is never happier than when he’s on the field, playing football and being cheered by both the crowd and his team. But, through it all, he sees reminders that the future in uncertain. On the sidelines, David spots an injured player, watching the game with the knowledge that his dreams of getting a scholarship have ended. When David visits a college, he’s reminded that being the best high school player doesn’t mean much in college and when he says that he’s a quarterback, he is told that his coach will ultimately decide who he is and David will accept the coach’s decision because David isn’t being offered a scholarship to think for himself.

When the film originally aired in 1973, it was called Birdsong but the title was changed to Blood Sport for both subsequent showings and for a European theatrical release. Blood Sport is the more appropriate title because, even though the main character is named David Birdsong, the film is ultimately about all of the athletes who are expected to put their health at risk for the people on the sidelines. It’s not just football that’s a blood sport, the film suggests. It’s the entire culture that has sprung up around it, the one that cheers when players are at their best but which also looks away at the times when the players need the most help.

At 29 years of age, Gary Busey is a bit too old to be totally convincing as a high school senior but he still does a good job of capturing David’s gradual realization that he’s never really had any control over his own life. Ben Johnson and especially Larry Hagman also give good performances as the two men who are living vicariously through David’s accomplishments. Hagman is so believably obnoxious as the coach that you’ll want to cheer when someone finally finds the guts to stand up to him and tell him to just shut up for a minute.

The film ends on an ambiguous note, leaving many questions open about David’s future. One hopes that he’s started to find the strength necessary to live his own life but it’s ultimately hard to say. In the end, nothing is guaranteed, no matter how far you can throw a football.

Retro Television Reviews: The Secret Life of John Chapman (dir by David Lowell Rich)

Posted on November 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1976’s The Secret Life of John Chapman! It can be viewed on Tubi.

John Chapman (Ralph Waite) is a mild-mannered college president and a recent widower. Everyone tends to assume that John grew up wealthy but John is actually the son of a bricklayer. As he puts it, his father literally helped to build the college of which John is now president. John has felt lost and directionless ever since the passing of his wife. When his rebellious son (Brad Davis) announces that he’s going to drop out of college and pursue a career as a laborer, John is at first outraged but soon, he’s wondering if perhaps his son has a point. Has John spent so much time cocooned in his college that he’s lost touch with the rest of the world?

John takes a sabbatical and pursues a career as a blue collar worker. He discovers that it’s not as easy as he assumed. Because John doesn’t want to reveal that he’s an academic, John doesn’t really have any references to offer up to potential employers. Because he’s nearly 50, John is continually told that he’s too old for most of the jobs that he applies for. When he goes into a bar and attempts to order a dry martini, he quickly realizes that he has no idea what it’s like to be blue collar.

John eventually does get a job, helping to lay water pipes. His boss is the gruff Gus Reed (Pat Hingle), who John eventually discovers is not quite as fearsome a figure as he originally appears. Once the pipe job is done, John gets a job in a diner and even pursues a tentative romance with a waitress (Susan Anspach) who, as she points out, comes from a totally different world than him. And yet, despite John’s efforts, his son remains unimpressed. According to his son, John is just slumming. He has the freedom to quit and return to the college whenever he wants.

Yikes! John’s son is a bit judgmental and it doesn’t help that he’s played by Brad Davis, who was never a particularly likable actor. (Davis later starred in Midnight Express, in which director Alan Parker used his lack of likability to good effect.) Yet, watching the film, you can’t help but feel that John’s son has a point. At times, it seems like John wants a lot of credit for spending a week working in the type of job that most people take because they don’t have any other option. Indeed, you could argue that John’s project is basically keeping someone who really needs the money from finding a job. It’s not like John gives up any of his money when he goes to work. It doesn’t help that John Chapman narrates his story and his voice-over often feels like a parody of liberal noblesse oblige.

Fortunately, Ralph Waite was a likable actor and he plays John Chapman as being well-intentioned if occasionally a bit condescending. The made-for-TV movie plays like a pilot and it’s easy to imagine a series in which John Chapman would have worked a different job every week. It’s a slight but pleasant-enough made-for-TV movie. Seen today, it works best as a time capsule, a portrait of a society still trying to find its identity in the wake of the turbulence of the 60s.