Always be prepared. You never know who might land outside of your house. Anyway, this is a fun video. Remember that real Space Invaders can be destroyed just be coughing on them and giving them some of those Earth germs for which they have yet been able to build up an immunity.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, on Monsters, the aliens are due in New England so get your mudrooms ready!
Episode 3.15 “The Space Eaters”
(Dir by Robert T. Megginson, originally aired on January 6th, 1991)
On a stormy night in New England, two old friends get together to play chess. As is obvious from the dialogue, Howard (Richard Clarke) and Frederick (Matt Hulswitt) have been friends for a long time and their chess game is more than just a way to wait out the bad weather, It’s a part of an ongoing tradition. Howard is a respected small town doctor. Frederick is a veteran. Neither one is the type to believe stories about aliens coming to Earth.
Until, of course, it actually happens.
Their friend, Henry Wells (Richard Hughes), stumbles into the house and says that he and the other towns people were all captured by aliens and their brains have been eaten. Henry collapses and dies. A quick examination of his head reveals a bloodless hole. Frederick thinks that it might had been the result of a gunshot but why is there no exit wound? Howard takes a closer look at the hole and discovers that Henry is indeed missing his brain. Suddenly, Henry starts to speak in the voice of the alien and Howard and Frederick realize that Henry’s crazy story was true. The aliens have arrived and they’re eating brains! Can Howard and Frederick, who are apparently the last two townspeople who still have their brains, find a way to outsmart the aliens?
This was a good episode, one that was heavy on atmosphere and which featured good performances from the three-man cast. When the aliens did show up at the end, their design paid homage to the type of aliens that used to appear in Roger Corman’s 50s sci-fi films. It’s a nice touch. I always like it when Monsters pays homage to the horror and science fiction films of the past.
This was another good season 3 episode of Monsters! It’s rare that a show gets better in its later seasons but, so far, the third season of Monsters has been a hundred times stronger than the previous two seasons. We’ll see if that pattern continues next week.
Yeah, I got nothing.
Seriously, 2016’s Hunting Season is so mind-numbingly dull and bad that I have no idea what to say about it. Usually, when I see an indie film that is this bad, I keep it to myself because I generally don’t believe in kicking people when they’re down. I’m far more comfortable trashing a bad film from a major studio than a mediocre one that was shot by some guy who put the entire budget on his credit card. But a visit to the imdb revealed several comments from people who worked on the film and were never actually paid for their efforts so screw it. This is one of the worst films that I have ever seen in my life.
Stock brokers are kidnapping people and hunting them for sport. Tom Sizemore plays Nick, who I guess is supposed to be the head stockbroker. If I sound confused, it’s because the soundtrack was so muddy that I often struggled to understand what people were saying. Sizemore disappears from the film, which is a shame because his unhinged, seemingly improvised performance was one of the only interesting things about the film. (At one point, Sizemore looked straight at the camera and extended his middle finger. I’m not sure if that moment was scripted or not.) Eric Roberts shows up for four scenes, playing the father-in-law of one of the stock brokers. The character’s daughter apparently has some sort of psychic connection with her husband and she shouted all of her dialogue. Clifton Powell shows up as a guy in a bar. Miguel Nunez Jr. plays an FBI agent.
Along with not being able to hear the dialogue, I also struggled to understand just where everyone was in relation to everyone else. The film was so haphazardly edited that it was impossible to really keep track of time or location or anything else that would have helped make the film interesting. It’s a talky film but good luck understanding what anyone’s saying. Most of the scenes have so many visible edits and so many close-ups that I got the feeling that everyone was on set at a different time. It makes for a disjointed and dull story. I couldn’t follow a bit of it.
Eric Roberts has appeared in nearly 800 films. This one might be the worst.
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:
Today’s scene is from 1958’s The Blob. Even aliens with no apparent brain enjoy going to the movies!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, someone needs to call Family Services.
Episode 5.25 “Burl of My Dreams/Meet the Author/Rhymes, Riddles, and Romance”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 27th, 1982)
Poor Vicki!
Here she is, living on the Love Boat, surrounded by the middle-aged crew and the largely elderly passengers, and without a single friend her own age. (Seriously, how does Captain Stubing get away with this?) She’s excited when an old school friend, Scott Nelson (Rad Daly), boards the boat but Scott, being 14 and a boy, is totally clueless about the fact that 1) Vicki is no longer a tomboy and 2) Vicki totally has a crush on him.
Gopher sees that Vicki is upset so he tries to cheer her up by telling her that she deserves better than Scott and also sending her flowers. Gopher may have had good intention but now Vicki is convinced that she’s in love with Gopher and that Gopher is in love with her! Captain Stubing is not amused. And Vicki is also not amused when she overhears Gopher explaining that he was just trying to make Vicki feel better. And then she’s truly, truly unamused when Scott kisses her and then reveals that Gopher paid him to do so.
Seriously, poor Vicki! I relate to Vicki more than to Julie because I’ve never been a cruise director but I have been a teenager. I will never understand how the Captain is getting away with raising his daughter on a cruise ship. I can see where it would sometimes for fun for Vicki but doesn’t she miss having friends her own age? Doesn’t she wish she could explore something other than the Aloha Deck? This storyline once again reminded the viewer that Vicki really deserves a life on the mainland.
As for the other two stories, Paul Reese (Jared Martin) is a publishing executive who wants to sign an author named Gus Dolan (Alan Hale, Jr.). Gus is known for his tough crime novels. In order to get close to Gus, Paul strikes up a romance with Gus’s daughter, Kathy (Georgia Engel). Kathy is upset when she discovers that Paul works in publishing but, when Paul throws away the contact that he just got Gus to sign, she realizes that Paul does love her. And then Paul discovers that Kathy is the one who is actually writing Gus’s books. This storyline featured a good performance from Alan Hale, Jr. but there was next to zero romantic sparks between Jared Martin and Georgia Engel.
Meanwhile, Brian (Paul Williams) and Lenore (Joanna Pettet) searched the ship for a secret treasure and fell in love. Isaac’s cabin got ransacked twice. This was a pretty boring story and one of the biggest parts of it — Captain Stubing telling Brian and Lenore not to disturb anyone else’s cabin — took place off-screen.
So, this cruise left me feeling very sorry for Vicki and also for poor Gus Dolan. Vicki wants friends her own age. Gus wants to be a real writer. Not all dreams come true, even on the Love Boat.
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
The aliens are here …. or are they?
4 Shots From 4 Alien Invasion Films
It Came From Outer Space (1953, dir by Jack Arnold, DP: Clifford Stine)
It Conquered The World (1956, dir by Roger Corman, DP: Fred E. West)
Starman (1984, dir by John Carpenter. DP: Donald M. Morgan)
Predator (1987, directed by John McTiernan, DP: Donald McAlpine)
So, get to know it.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
Let’s start season two of this stupid show!
Episode 2.1 “Lights Out”
(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on August 17th, 1996)
It’s time for season 2 of Pacific Blue!
Elvis, the mechanic played by David L. Lander, is no longer a member of the cast but the rest of the ensemble is there and still trying to convince us that they’re real cops despite the fact that they ride bicycles and wear shorts. The episode opens with Palermo telling everyone that they have new bicycles. In fact, it’s the same type of bicycles that are used by the Secret Service!
See, the show tells us, bicycle cops aren’t dorky!
Okay, Pacific Blue, whatever, It’s the start of the second season and you’re still trying to justify your existence.
A mad bomber named Wilson Dupree (Robin Sachs) is planting bombs all over …. Malibu? Santa Barbara? Where does this show take place again? Anyway, we know that Wilson is a bad guy because he speaks with a British accent. Whenever he plants a bomb, he calls ahead and specifically asks for someone from the bike patrol to come and defuse it. Why is Wilson picking on the bike patrol? Hey, who wouldn’t? The bike patrol is dorky as Heck!
TC and Victor are soon finding bombs. TC and Victor turn out to be rather incompetent when it comes to defusing bombs. A lifeguard tower explodes. A car explodes. There’s an unintentionally funny scene where the entire bike patrol chases after a taxi that they’ve been informed is carrying a bomb. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to call the real cops so that they could send a patrol car with its lights flashing and sirens going? The taxi driver doesn’t even realize he’s being followed.
The FBI sends down Agent Stone (David Lee Smith) to head up the investigation. As soon as Stone arrives, Palermo starts in with usual “We’re real cops!’ spiel, even though Stone hasn’t suggested that they aren’t. Palermo is apparently so used to people not taking bike cops seriously that he just starts ranting as soon as he meets anyone new. Stone asks Chris to be his liaison and Chris, as usual, is like, “Anything to get off this stupid bicycle!”
Stone thinks that Wilson is an anti-technology, eco-terrorist, like the Unabomber. Palermo has his doubts because Palermo always has to try to convince everyone that he knows everything. In the end, it really doesn’t matter because Wilson’s main goal is just to blow everything up. The whole argument over motives feels like it has more to do with Palermo’s insecurities than anything else.
Is the town saved from the mad bomber? Yes. Good work, bike patrol! You all still look silly on those bikes though.
First released in 1971, Carnal Knowledge is the story of two friends, Jonathan (Jack Nicholson) and Sandy (Art Garfunkel).
Jonathan and Sandy meet in the late 40s, when they’re both assigned to be roommates at Amherst College. They’re both smart, handsome, and obviously from well-off families. They both believe that they have a wonderful future ahead of them and why shouldn’t they? World War II is over. America is the leader of the world and Jonathan and Sandy both appear to be future leaders of America. Sandy is shy and sensitive. When he meets Susan (Candice Bergen), he struggles to talk to her and when they date, he doesn’t know how far he should go with her. (When he tells Jonathan about getting a hand job from her, it’s obvious that Sandy didn’t previously realize such a thing was possible.) Jonathan, on the other hand, is confident and aggressive. He can be a braggart and he can be insensitive but there’s something undeniably attractive about someone who knows what he wants and is determined to get it. Soon, Susan finds herself torn between the two roommates, though Sandy is clueless that Jonathan is even interested in her.
Carnal Knowledge is divided into three separate parts, each taking place in a different decade and each shot in its own individual style. (The film was written by playwright Jules Feiffer and the script does very much feel like a three-act play.) As a character, Susan disappears after the first act but her relationship with Jonathan and Sandy haunts every bit of the second and third acts. By the end of the film, Sandy is no longer sensitive and Jonathan is no longer virile and one can’t help but feel that Susan, wherever she may be, is definitely better off without either one of them.
The second act is dominated by Jonathan’s relationship with Bobbie, played by Ann-Margaret. Bobbie is beautiful and heart-breakingly insecure. Her relationship with Jonathan starts with a dash of romance and then quickly becomes a trap for both of them. Jonathan is not ready (or mature enough) to settle down. Bobbie is desperate for him to marry her and willing to go to extremes to make that happen. The scenes where Jonathan and Bobbie fight are some of the most powerful in the film, with both Nicholson and Ann-Margaret giving the viewer raw and honest portrayals of two insecure people who are totally wrong for each other but also incapable of getting away from each other.
By the time the third act comes around, Jonathan has been reduced to paranoid ruminations about “ball-breakers” and can only get it up when he’s feeling like he’s the one in power. (Rita Moreno has a cameo as a very patient prostitute.) Meanwhile, middle-aged Sandy is dating an 18 year-old (Carol Kane) and clearly trying to live the free-spirited youth that he never had. Who is more pathetic? Jonathan, who bitterly realizes he’s never going to be young again, or Sandy, who is trying to deny the fact that he’s getting older?
Carnal Knowledge is a dark film and indeed, it sometimes feels like it’s a bit too dark for its own good. Even the worst people occasionally have a laugh. The script is full of sharp lines and the characters are interesting, even if they are for the most part unlikable. Still, there’s a staginess to the film’s narrative and director Mike Nichols never quite breaks free from it. That said, I still highly recommend this film. Not only is it a portrait of a culture-in-transition but it also features some wonderful performances, especially from Ann-Margaret and Jack Nicholson. (In most ways, Jonathan is definitely worse than Sandy but we still have more sympathy for Jonathan because Jack Nicholson is a considerably better actor than Art Garfunkel.) Ann-Margaret honestly portrays the heart-breaking insecurity that comes from being repeatedly told that you have nothing but your looks to offer. Meanwhile, Nicholson throws himself into playing the charismatic but immature Jonathan. We may not like Jonathan but we do, in the end, understand why he’s become the person that he has. It takes a certain amount of courage to play a character like Jonathan and, in this film, Nicholson shows every bit of that courage.
Through the Shattered Lens 