Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.19 “Lost and Found”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike cops screw up another case.

Episode 2.19 “Lost and Found”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on March 2nd, 1997)

I’ve often felt that the most interesting thing about Pacific Blue is witnessing just how totally incompetent the bicycle cops really are.

This episode centers around a girl who has run away from home.  Chris and Palermo are holding her at the station and they release her to the first guy who shows up claiming to be her father.  They don’t bother to ask the man for any sort of proof that he’s her father.  They don’t even ask to see his ID.  Instead, they just let her go with him.

Guess what?  That guy wasn’t her father!

Her actual father shows up a little while later and, needless to say, he’s pretty pissed off.  Instead of apologizing or in any way accepting accountability for screwing up, Palermo and Chris snap at the guy to calm down and then say that they’ll track down his daughter.  What’s funny is that we’re supposed to be on the side of the bicycle cops because the father is angry and yelling.  Well, the father has every right to be angry and yelling.  THE IDIOTS LET HIS RUNAWAY DAUGHTER LEAVE WITH THE FIRST GUY WHO SHOWED UP!

Now, the show later reveals that the father was abusive and that his daughter ran way because he was beating her.  Yeah, he’s not a good father and he should lost custody of his daughter.  That doesn’t make the bicycle cops any less incompetent, though!  It just amuses that this show continually tries to convince us that we should take these people seriously as cops but every episode seems to feature them making some sort of terrible mistake.  This show really seems to think that, as long as Chris is shooting people the death glare, that means she’s not responsible for any of her screwups.

This episode also featured a subplot in which Cory tried to protect her no-good brother from some hitmen.  She did a better job with her storyline than Chris and Palermo did with the case of the runaway.  Maybe Cory should be in charge.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.9 “Fantasy Island Girl/Saturday’s Child”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, we have two fantasies that seem very familiar.

Episode 7.9 “Fantasy Island Girl/Saturday’s Child”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on December 10th, 1983)

Actress Marion Sommers (Stella Stevens) comes to the Island.  Lawrence is a huge fan and can’t imagine what fantasy she could possibly have.  Roarke explains that Marion wants to be reunited with her children.  The twist is that her children don’t know that Marion is their mother.  They think that their mother died and that they were adopted by Fran Woods (Diane Baker).

Marion is told that, because of the way she phrased her fantasy, she’ll get to meet her children on the island but she can’t tell them that she’s their mother.  The children have spent the last few years with Ms. Woods as their mother.  Marion agrees but she doesn’t keep her word and, by the end of her fantasy, she’s told both Bill (David Kaufman) and Ellie (Amy Linker) that she is their mother and that she wants them to come with her.  Bill and Ellie reject her, saying that Ms. Woods will always be their mother.  However, they would like it if Marion would be their friend.

Lawrence asks Marion to give him her autograph so he can give it to his niece.  Then, after Marion leaves, Lawrence tells Roarke that he doesn’t have a niece….

This fantasy seemed awfully familiar.  I don’t really have the time to go back and reread every Fantasy Island review that I’ve written but I’m pretty sure that this show has already gone to the “I’m  a famous actress who wants to meet the children that I gave up” well more than a few times.  In this case, it just felt like everyone was going through the motions.

As for the other fantasy, it involved the Fantasy Island Girl Beauty Pageant and, again, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen several versions of this pageant fantasy in the past.  This time, it’s the pageant’s producer, Nick Gleason (Paul Burke), who has a fantasy.  It seems that Nick has a reputation for fixing his pageants so his fantasy is to run a totally “clean” and honest pageant.  It seems like he could have just done that on his own without even having to go to Fantasy Island.  Since when have fantasies become about doing things that most people would just do naturally?

Nick’s daughter, Tina (Audrey Landers), enters the pageant and suddenly, Nick finds himself tempted to fix the pageant for her.  When Roarke explains this to Tina, Tina withdraws from the pageant and Nick doesn’t fix the pageant.  Nick is so happy that he finally put on a honest pageant but the only reason he didn’t fix the pageant was because Tina dropped out.  If she hadn’t dropped out, he totally would have rigged it.  So, I’m not really sure that Nick has anything to brag about.  It’s kind of like bragging about not robbing a bank because it was closed on Sunday.

Lawrence is appointed as one of the judges for the beauty pageant.  You know who really enjoyed beauty pageants?  Tattoo.  This would have been a fun fantasy for Tattoo.  Instead, we just get Lawrence looking all huffy and puffy.

The trip to the Island was no fantasy.

4 Shots From 4 Kevin S. Tenney Films

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Any days is a good day to give a little respect to Kevin S. Tenney, director of some of most best loved horror films of the 80s and the 90s!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Kevin S. Tenney Films

Witchboard (1986, dir by Kevin S. Tenney, DP: Roy Wanger)

Night of the Demons (1988, dir by Kevin S. Tenney, DP: David Lewis)

Witchboard 2: The Devil’s Doorway (1993, dir by Kevin S. Tenney, DP: David Lewis)

Pinnochio’s Revenge (1996, dir by Kevin S. Tenney, DP: Eric Anderson)

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.12 “Home Fires Burning”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

It’s arson and basketball on CHiPs!

Episode 4.12 “Home Fires Burning”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired on February 1st, 1981)

Two arsonists (David Hayward and Michael Cavanugh) are setting RVs on fire as a part of an insurance scam.  One man (Jack Kruschen) who hires the arsonists is horrified when their carelessness leads to a security guard getting seriously injured.  If the guard dies, the man is looking at serious jail time!  (Luckily, the guard doesn’t die and apparently, everyone just forgets about sending his boss to jail.)

Luckily, Baker is there to help track the arsonists down.  Ponch, on the other hand, is busy putting together a Highway Patrol basketball team.  It’s hard not to notice how much time the Highway Patrol spends on stuff like basketball, dirt bike competitions, and drag car racing.  Somehow, Ponch has gone from being the department’s screw-up to now being the guy who is automatically given all of the responsibility.  It’s the Ponch Show and everyone knows it.

This episode was directed by veteran stuntman Charles Bail and it does have some spectacular stunts.  (A car jumping through an exploding RV was my favorite.)  And let’s be honest.  I could sit here and spend hours talking about CHiPs became the Ponch Show during the fourth season and how the rest of the cast was underutilized.  And I would be totally correct.  But the stunts and the car crashes are the main appeal of this show and this episode featured several examples of each.

As such, this was a good episode.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.19 “Blood & Roses”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Gina’s in trouble again!

Episode 4.19 “Blood & Roses”

(Dir by George Mendeluk, originally aired on April 1st, 1988)

Frank Mosca (Stanley Tucci) is back!

In case you’ve forgotten, Mosca was the villain from the fourth season premiere, Contempt of Court.  That episode ended with Mosca getting away with everything.  This episode finds him killing a rival drug lord (Michael Wincott) and trying to kill Crockett.  Because Mosca knows who Crockett and Tubbs are, it falls on Gina to go undercover.  This becomes yet another episode where Gina starts to fall for the bad guy and ends up having sex with the target of a Vice investigation.  As often happens with these type of episodes, Gina ends up shooting Mosca to keep him from shooting Sonny.  Mosca’s body plummets down an air shaft and it’s hard not to notice that Stanley Tucci has suddenly become a mannequin with painted hair.

Stanley Tucci gave a magnetic performance as the charismatic but evil Frank Mosca.  Watching Tucci, it’s easy to see why the show brought him but Mosca was such a memorable character that it’s shame that he was given a standard Miami Vice death scene.  Mosca deserved to go out with a bit more style.  Saundra Santiago gave a good performance as Gina but it’s hard not to notice that every time she’s at the center of an episode, it’s pretty much the same basic plot.  As a character, Gina deserved better than to constantly be used as a sex toy by every bad guy she went undercover to investigate.

Watching this episode, I found myself wondering if the show’s writers remembered that Crockett was supposed to be married.  Between his jealousy over Gina getting close to Mosco and a scene where he and Gina shared a brief but intense kiss, it was hard not to notice that Crockett didn’t seem to be thinking about his wife.  Perhaps this episode was originally meant to air earlier in the season, before Crockett’s somewhat improbable wedding.  Who knows?  It’s been a while since anyone asked Crockett about Caitlin.  Maybe they got a quickie divorce offscreen.

This episode was typical of season 4.  It was well-made but everything just felt a bit too familiar. to be effective.

Join #MondayMania For The Perfect Teacher!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!  Tonight, on twitter, I will be hosting one of my favorite films for #MondayMania!  Join us for 2010’s The Perfect Teacher!

“I can be your dream …. or I can be your nightmare!”  Words to live by!

You can find the movie on Prime and then you can join us on twitter at 9 pm central time!  (That’s 10 pm for you folks on the East Coast.)  See you then!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for American Samurai!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be American Samurai!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up American Samurai on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 1.4 “Eye of the Beholder”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Emma meets Sean.

Episode 1.4 “Eye of the Beholder”

(Dir by Eleanore Lindo, originally aired on April 8th, 2002)

It’s time for the first Degrassi school dance of the year!  Ashley is superexcited because she was able to talk Mr. Raditch into letting her throw a night dance.  Unfortunately, that means that Manny’s parents will not allow her to go to the dance.  With Toby and JT planning on staying at Toby’s to look at porn while Toby’s parents are out of the house, that means Emma will have to go to the dance all by herself!  Emma is mad.  Then again, Emma is always mad.

Meanwhile, a new student has shown up at school.  He briefly went to the school last term but his family moved up north.  Now, he’s back in Toronto and living with his brother and returning to Degrassi.  He’s also having to repeat Grade 7, something that Jimmy mocks him for.  He’s …. SEAN CAMERON!

Yes, this is the episode the introduces Daniel Clark as Sean Cameron.  Sean would go on to become one the most important characters during the classic seasons of Degrassi: The Next Generation.  A sensitive juvenile delinquent who alternated between being a brooding rebel and a petty criminal,  Sean is best-remembered for eventually dating Emma Nelson but it’s often forgotten that he also dated the supercool Ellie Nash.  I’ve always preferred Ellie/Sean to Emma/Sean but I’m getting ahead of myself.  That’s all in the future.

What’s important for this episode is that Sean also goes to the dance by himself.  And when Jimmy continues to give him a hard time, Sean grabs him and prepares to beat up on him like Kendrick Lamar preparing to drop another diss track.  With Mr. Raditch approaching, Emma cools off the situation by asking Sean to dance.

In the episode’s other main storyline, Terri is shocked when Spinner asks her to the dance.  Paige is shocked as well.  With the overweight Terri feeling insecure (it’s her first date — ever!), Paige helps matters by telling Terri she should have some sherry to calm her nerves.  Soon, Terri is drunk and, by the time she and Paige make it to the dance, she’s a giggly mess.  Long story short: Terri gets sick after one dance with Spinner and, the next morning, it’s clear that Spinner is now dating Paige.  This is another case where it’s hard to watch this storyline unfold without considering the future.  Paige and Spinner are not only destined to become a classic Degrassi couple but, ultimately, Paige is going to become a better friend to Terri than Ashley ever was.  Eventually, Terri will get her first boyfriend.  Of course, he’s going to turn out to be a complete psycho who, after putting Terri in a coma, will end up shooting up the school in a totally separate episode and putting Jimmy in a wheelchair.  Agck!  Seriously, these students have no idea what’s waiting for them in the future.

Finally, Toby and JT get caught looking at porn.  Toby’s parents then force them to look at more porn and discuss how it objectifies both men and women.  When Toby tells Manny and Emma about it, Manny and Emma both chime in with “Losers.”  Yep, that about sums it up.

The main problem with this episode is that I never really bought Spinner asking Terri to the dance.  It’s not because Terri’s fat.  (Spinner wasn’t exactly skinny himself in these early episodes.)  Instead, it’s just that Spinner and Terri really didn’t have much chemistry.  Even in this very early episode, Spinner and Paige just seemed to belong together.  Still, the most important thing is that Sean Cameron has arrived and Degrassi will never be the same.

Scenes That I Love: The Puppet Scene From Deep Red

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today is a special day here at the Shattered Lens as we celebrate the birthday of Dario Argento!

Now, we’ve got a lot of Argento-related stuff scheduled for October so, for today, I’m just going to share one of the best scenes from one of my favorite Argento films, 1975’s Deep Red.  This scene features what is seriously the creepiest puppet that I’ve ever seen.