Monthly Archives: July 2025

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.7 and 6.8 “The Spoonmaker Diamond/Papa Doc/The Role Model/Julie’s Tycoon”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episodes 6.7 and 6.8 “The Spoonmaker Diamond/Papa Doc/The Role Model/Julie’s Tycoon”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 13th, 1982)

The Love Boat is going to Greece and Turkey!

Well, actually, it’s the Love Boat crew that is going to Greece and Turkey.  They’ve been asked to temporarily take over another ship and, of course, Captain Stubing said yes.  This is one of those two-hour Love Boat episodes where the action was actually shot on location and on a real cruise ship.  As such, it’s more of a travelogue that anything.  We get to see the sights of both Greece and Turkey and no one makes any jokes about Midnight Express.

The majority of the storylines revolve around the Spoonmaker Diamond, a very valuable diamond that has been stolen by someone on the ship.  Was the diamond stolen by Emmett and Ellen Stokes (Harvey Korman and Nancy Dussault)?  Was the diamond stolen by Mark Hayward (Mike Connors)?  That’s what Inspector Sadu (Jamie Farr) is trying to figure out!  Of course, regardless of who stole it, it ultimately ends up in the unknowing possession of travel agent Dana Pierce (Polly Bergen).  Will Mark steal the diamond or will he fall in love with Dana?  Why can’t he do both?  This was an odd story because you had the goofiness of Harvey Korman and Jamie Farr and then you had the grouchy intensity of Mike Connors.  Connors seemed to be under the impression that he was appearing on a hard-boiled crime show as opposed to an enjoyably silly comedy about a cruise ship.

Meanwhile, Sabrina Drake (Jan Smithers) is a young heiress who is traveling with her mother, Amanda (Alexis Smith).  Amanda is not happy when she sees that tabloid reporter Joe Novak (Kiel Martin) is also on the cruise.  She’ll probably be even less happy when she discovers that Amanda is 1) secretly seeing Joe and 2) is pregnant.  When Doc finds out that Sabrina is pregnant, he offers to marry her.  Why not?  He’s known her for two days and he’s in love.  Fortunately, Joe talks to Amanda and wins Amanda’s blessing for his relationship with Sabrina.  Doc remains single.

Speaking of marriage, Greek tycoon Gregori Pananopolis (Lorenzo Lamas) asks Julie to marry him.  Julie is stunned and says she needs some time to think it over.  She tells Captain Stubing that she’s not sure if she’s ready to get married.  Uhmm …. Julie, this like the third or fourth guy who had asked you to marry him on this show.  You’ve nearly gotten married twice.  It’s odd how the show always acts as if marriage proposals aren’t a recurring theme when it comes to Julie.  Fortunately, Julie stays single because we all know she’s destined to eventually marry Doc.  Or Gopher, maybe.

Fashion photographer Cliff Jacobs (David Hedison) runs into his ex-wife, model Monica Brandon (Linda Evans).  He lies about having landed a job with a magazine in order to get her to pose for him.  He also takes some pictures of Vicki posing amongst the ruins of Greece.  Later, a magazine contacts him and offers to make Vicki into a star but he and Monica decide not to tell Vicki because they don’t want her to have to deal with pressure of being a model.  Hey Cliff and Monica, that’s really not your decision to make.  I’m sure being a model would be no less detrimental to Vicki than spending her entire youth on a cruise ship with people who are several decades older than her.

As I said at the start of the review, this episode worked best as a travelogue.  None of the stories were particularly intriguing but the scenery was lovely.  Even Turkey looked like a nice place to visit!

Song of the Day: Rockstar by Nat and Alex Wolff

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is a song that I first heard when I first watched Palo Alto. 

Ever since then, it’s a song that has randomly popped into my head at certain times, usually whenever I’m possessed by the melancholy spirit that always seems to follow me around this time of year.  It’s a song that always makes me feel better, despite what happened in Palo Alto.

 

Brad reviews VIGILANTE FORCE (1976), starring Kris Kristofferson and Jan-Michael Vincent! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

I’ve been a fan of actor Jan-Michael Vincent for about as long as I can remember. I was a grade schooler in the mid-80’s when AIRWOLF was playing on network TV. I loved the show and Vincent’s character, Stringfellow Hawke. It was also around that time that I began my obsession with Charles Bronson, and Vincent co-starred in the iconic 1972 Bronson film THE MECHANIC (1972). Fox 16 out of Little Rock played the movie often, further cementing my appreciation for his work. And I specifically remember renting his 1980 movie DEFIANCE where his character takes on a ruthless gang in New York. It was my kind of movie, and I still watch it every few years. There’s just something I’ve always liked about Jan-Michael Vincent. July 15th, 2025 would have been his 80th birthday so I decided to watch one of his movies that I’ve never seen, VIGILANTE FORCE from 1976. It was playing on Amazon Prime, so I fired it up for my initial viewing. 

In VIGILANTE FORCE, Jan-Michael Vincent plays Ben Arnold, a guy from the small town of Elk Hills, California. It seems that the discovery of oil in the area has brought about a financial boom, but it’s also brought in a lot of rowdy out-of-towners and a surge in violent crime. Ben convinces the local community leaders to allow him to bring in his brother Aaron (Kris Kristofferson), a Vietnam war hero, to help restore order in town. Aaron assembles a group of ex-military types, friends of his, to help the local police restore order in town. Successful in cleaning out the riffraff at first, Aaron and his team of vigilantes eventually become the riffraff and use their law enforcement powers for their own corrupt, get-rich-quick schemes. Realizing that he made a horrible mistake in bringing in his brother, Ben is forced to confront Aaron and his team of murderous mercenaries in order to reclaim Elk Hills for its citizens.

I had not read anything beyond the title VIGILANTE FORCE and the basic cast list when I sat down to watch this film. I guess that’s a good thing, because I wasn’t expecting this movie to pit the brothers played by Vincent and Kristofferson against each other. I thought the two guys would be working together to get rid of a bunch of rednecks, and we do get that for the first half of the film, but when Kris goes bad, he really goes bad! And nobody is safe. This is one of those movies where he just kills whoever gets in his way, no matter how important or attractive they are. Writer-Director George Armitage, who would direct the excellent MIAMI BLUES (1990) fourteen years later, has said that he was trying to make a point about America’s involvement in the Viet Nam war with the Kristofferson character. Armitage apparently enjoys his references, as the film was made during the USA’s bicentennial year, but his two main characters are named after Benedict Arnold and Aaron Burr. While these ideas may have amused the director, his heavy-handed approach is not good for Kristofferson’s character in this film. His Viet Nam vet basically turns into an evil cartoon about halfway through the film and is no longer interesting, which is a shame because he gives a good performance.

Allegories aside, at its heart VIGILANTE FORCE is B-movie, drive-in fodder, and it’s pretty good at being that. It’s got that unpolished look and raw, energetic feel that I like in my low budget 70’s action movies. As you would expect in a film at this time, Jan-Michael Vincent is impressive and believable as the tough, good guy of the flick. Highly motivated due to the actions of our evil, out of control villain, Vincent handles the action scenes well in the film’s explosive finale. And I mean that literally, it seems that everything blows up big time at the end! Besides Kristofferson and Vincent, the film has a very recognizable supporting cast, which is one of the things I love about 70’s movies. Producer Gene Corman put together a cast that also includes Brad Dexter, Andrew Stevens, Victoria Principal, Bernadette Peters, Paul Gleason, Charles Cyphers, Loni Anderson and a host of other familiar voices and faces who add their unique talents to the proceedings. Principal, still a couple of years away from her career defining role as Pamela Ewing in the DALLAS TV series, is especially beautiful as Vincent’s girlfriend. 

Overall, while VIGILANTE FORCE is not required viewing, I can definitely recommend it to anyone who likes 70’s redneck action cinema, or to fans of the main stars. I enjoyed it! 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.11 “Deja Vu”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, someone is out to frame Palermo!  It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Episode 2.11 “Deja Vu”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on November 10th, 1996)

Palermo is upset because his former partner is returned to the boardwalk and is now running an arcade.  Gene Savage (Joe Cortese) may have once been a cop but now he’s a paroled ex-con and it was Palermo’s testimony that led to Savage being convicted in the first place.  Palermo suspects that Savage is out for revenge and it turns out that he is.  He tries to frame Palermo for a murder.  Internal Affairs demands Palermo’s badge.

And the thing is …. I know I’m supposed to feel bad for Palermo but I don’t.  Palermo’s a self-righteous jerk.  He’s been a self-righteous jerk since the start of the show.  He acts like riding a bicycle somehow makes him superior to everyone else on the boardwalk.  Finding out that he testified against his partner makes him seem like even more of a jerk.  It’s hard to like a snitch.

This entire episode is built around the idea of Palermo being treated unfairly but I kind of feel like he needed to be taken down a rung or two.  Maybe now, he won’t be so rude when he arrests people.  Maybe he’ll understand that not everyone cares about his whole bicycle thing.  Probably not, though.

While Palermo was dealing with his ex-partner, Cory and Chris dealt with the Good Samaritans, a group of blue beret-wearing citizens who attempted to fight crime on their own.  Andy Miller (Keith Coulouris) was determined to take down the local drug dealer.  When Andy’s partner (Claudette Mink) got shot and nearly died, Andy snapped and grabbed a gun and tried to get revenge himself.  Cory was there to arrest not only the drug dealer but also Andy.  “You’re a danger to the community and yourself!” Cory snapped.

Ugh.  People who ride bicycles shouldn’t try to act like badsses.  Seriously, is there a less likable cast of characters than the Pacific Blue crew?  It’s not a good thing when a cop leaves me rooting for the criminals.

Film Review: Battlefield Earth (dir by Roger Christian)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

After avoiding it for 25 years, I finally watched the infamous 2000 fiasco, Battlefield Earth, last night.

Battlefield Earth, based on a superlong novel by creepy cult guru L. Ron Hubbard, was a longtime passion project of John Travolta’s.  Travolta, a Scientologist, had long wanted to make a movie out of Hubbard’s science fiction epic and, on a hot streak following films like Pulp Fiction and Get Shorty, he finally did so in 2000.  He played Terl, a member of a giant alien race called the Psychlos.  The Psychlos have conquered Earth and humanity has regressed back to an almost prehistoric standard of living.  When a brave human, Johnnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper), defies his elders and proceeds to venture out into the ruins of Denver, he’s captured by Terl.  Eventually, Johnnie is shown a copy of the Declaration of Independence and it inspires him to lead a revolution against the Psychlos.

Battlefield Earth turned out to be just as bad as I had heard, a charmless wannabe epic that used far too many Dutch angles and relied on slow motion to try to create a heroic (or, in some cases, tragic) feel to the action.  The plot of the film felt like something recycled from an old 1930s serial, which makes sense when you consider that L. Ron Hubbard was a pulp writer before he decided to become a guru.  What I was not prepared for was just how mind-numbingly dull Battlefield Earth is.  Most bad movies can at least make the claim of being entertaining in their badness.  If nothing else, you can often admire them for their ambition.  Take a film like Plan 9 From Outer Space.  Plan 9 From Outer Space is often derided as being the worst film of all time but it’s still terrifically entertaining and there’s a likable earnestness at the heart of it.  Director Ed Wood may not have had a budget and his main star may have been present only through stock footage but, dammit, Wood was determined to make a science fiction epic that would double as a plea for world peace and he did just that.  There’s a heart at the center of Plan 9 From Outer Space and that makes it a film that you can mock but you never quite dislike.  For all the talk of Battlefield Earth being a passion project for Travolta, the end result is an empty and rather soulless film.

(I nearly listed Battlefield Earth as being one of our Icarus Files but then I remembered that Icarus at least managed to get close to the sun.  Battlefield Earth can’t even get out of Denver.)

Travolta’s career has never really recovered from Battlefield Earth.  He is an actor who can claim to have appeared in two of the biggest, most influential films of all time — Pulp Fiction and Saturday Night Fever — but his legacy appears to be walking around on stilts in Battlefield Earth.  As for Barry Pepper, he does probably about as well as anyone could with the role of Johnnie Goodboy Tyler but still, it’s sad to see a good actor wasted in such a bad movie.  (In fact, there’s quite a few good actors — Forest Whitaker, Kim Coates, Richard Tyson — wasted in this movie.)  From what I understand, the movie only covered the first 400 pages of Hubbard’s 1100-page novel.  Travolta had hopes to do a sequel but that’s not going to happen.

It’s for the best.  If people need to see a movie about L. Ron Hubbard’s belief system, they can always rewatch The Master.

 

Silicon Towers (1999, directed by Serge Rodnunsky)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Charlie (Jonathan Quint) gets a promotion to an executive job at Silicon Towers.  After his promotion, he is sent an encrypted email that reveals that the company is manufacturing computer chips that it can use to drain money from the banks and to control the world.  Charlie goes on the run, jumping from roof to roof as he tries to avoid the company’s security team and reveal the truth.  Brian Dennehy plays the evil CEO.  Daniel Baldwin plays another executive.  Brad Dourif plays a paranoid tech expert and steals the movie.  Robert Guillaume is the police detective who is investigating the strange things that are happening around the company.  Be sure to hum the Benson theme song while watching.

There was a lot of movies like Silicon Towers in the late 90s.  The internet was still exotic and people were still convinced that technology was going to destroy us all on Y2K.  Silicon Towers was not the only paranoid tech thriller to come out in 1999 but it might have been the most inept.  Serge Rodnunsky made a lot of movies back in the day and never let a lack of a budget stand in his way but he also never seemed to understand the importance of being able to hear dialogue or smooth editing.  There are some good actors in Silicon Towers.  Good luck understanding what any of them are saying.

This film is mostly memorable for the scenes of Charlie “hacking.” Charlie writes his hacking code in HTML.  That’s  pretty much all you need to know.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.1 “Forbidden Love/The Other Man — Mr. Roarke”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Today, we start the seventh and final season.

Episode 7.1 “Forbidden Love/The Other Man — Mr. Roarke”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 8th, 1983)

The first episode of the seventh season finds Mr. Roarke handling two fantasies.

Widow Margaret Smith (Juliet Prowse) comes to Fantasy Island, hoping to meet the man of her dreams.  However, when she does, it turns out that he’s the ex-boyfriend of her daughter, Ginny (Jamie Rose)!  Can Margaret find love without hurting her daughter?  Or is her love destined to remain forbdden….

Meanwhile, Deborah Barnes (Stephanie Faracy) wants to make her boyfriend jealous so Mr. Roarke arranges for her to meet a man on the Island.  But when the man is suddenly unavailable, Mr. Roarke gallantly steps into his place.  That’s nice of him.  It shows how far Mr. Roarke will go to make the fantasies of his guests come true.  Except — uh-oh! — now Deborah’s in love with Mr. Roarke!  What can Mr. Roarke do to let Deborah down easily and repair her confidence?

Wow!  That’s a lot of drama for one weekend!  I wonder what Tattoo has to say…?

Tattoo?  Are you there?

OH MY GOD, WHERE IS TATTOO!?

Tattoo is gone, replaced by a butler named Lawrence (Christopher Hewett) who is so heavy-set that he can’t even climb the stairs to ring the bell when the plane shows up over the island.  Instead, he looks up at the sky and then pushes a remote button that makes the bell ring.  That’s …. just lame.  Over the past few years, I have resisted making “Da plane!  Da plane!” jokes but seriously, it doesn’t feel right for the show not to start to those words.

What’s especially upsetting is that no one on the show mentions Tattoo.  Roarke doesn’t mention why Tattoo is no longer on the Island.  Instead, he acts as if Lawrence has always been his assistant.  I mean, I understand that Herve Villechaize did not leave under the happiest of circumstances but it just feels cruel not to give Tattoo a proper send-off.  Tattoo was a huge part of the show.  His interactions with Mr. Roarke were the most consistently entertaining things about Fantasy Island.  And now, he’s gone and the show refuses to even acknowledge that he was ever there.

As for Lawrence, he’s a butler.  I don’t know how the season played out but, in the first episode, it was pretty clear that Lawrence was the hired help.  (Tattoo, at the very least, always seemed to be on nearly equal footing as Roarke.)  Lawrence calls Mr. Roarke “sir” and it just doesn’t feel right.  Instead of being equals, they are very much employer and employee.

The fantasies are okay.  I liked watching Roarke trying to make Deborah fall out of love with.  But the addition of Lawrence felt so wrong and really distracting.  It doesn’t bode well for the rest of season 7.

Brad’s “Scene of the Day” – Jan-Michael Vincent and Charles Bronson shoot skeet in THE MECHANIC (1972)!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Happy Birthday in cinema heaven to 1970’s heartthrob, Jan-Michael Vincent. It’s arguable that a 70’s Vincent was as good looking as a 1990’s Brad Pitt. In the 1980’s, Vincent would play Stringfellow Hawke in the iconic TV series AIRWOLF, where he was the highest paid actor on American television, bringing in $200,000 per episode. As a kid of the 80’s, I loved that show. My own extensive collection of physical media is filled with films starring Jan-Michael Vincent, especially his work from the 70’s and early 80’s. A few of my favorites are WHITE LINE FEVER (1975), HOOPER (1979 – with Burt Reynolds), and DEFIANCE (1980). Unfortunately, severe drug and alcohol abuse ultimately took its toll on Vincent’s career and his post AIRWOLF years were filled with straight-to-video B movies and walk on TV roles. Still, you couldn’t browse the inventory of Mom and Pop video rental stores in late 80’s and early 90’s without seeing loads of films with Vincent on the cover. A true cautionary tale of the damage that intoxicants will ultimately do to the human body and mind, Vincent’s final years were hard to watch, but his great work as a younger man still remains, and that’s what I’m choosing to focus on today.

In honor of what would have been Jan-Michael Vincent’s 80th birthday, I’m going to celebrate here on The Shattered Lens by sharing a scene from my favorite Jan-Michael Vincent movie, THE MECHANIC, co-starring Charles Bronson. Vincent holds his own with the veteran star in one of his most iconic roles!