Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters loses its head of another series.

Episode 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”

(Dir by Tom Abrams, originally aired on November 25th, 1990)

As you can tell from the title, this episode of Monsters is meant to be a parody of soap operas.  Two scientists, Victoria (Karen Valentine) and Edward (George Reinhardt), have been have been married ever since Victoria’s lunkhead ex-boyfriend, Hunk (John Schiappa), disappeared while on a soldier of fortune mission.  However, when Hunk suddenly returns, Victoria and George are left with a dilemma, especially after Edward tricks Hunk into killing himself and then removes his head.

Victoria and George decide to reanimate the headless Hunk, bringing him back to life with microchips.  (Sure, why not?)  They treat the headless Hunk as a servant but it turns out that Hunk doesn’t need a brain to get his revenge.

The plot was nonsense but the episode did have good performances and a memorable monster in headless Hunk.  I think the main problem is that the episode tried very hard to parody the soap opera genre but, since most soap operas are already self-parodies that cheerfully embrace the melodrama and make no attempt to pretend to be realistic, a lot of the humor fell flat.  It’s hard to make fun of a genre that is, for the most part, defined by its self-awareness.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.17 “The Return of the Captain’s Lady/Love Ain’t Illegal/The Irresistible Man”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for another trip on The Love Boat!  We’re a little late setting sail today but it happens.  Let’s see what’s happening on this cruise….

Episode 5.17 “The Return of the Captain’s Lady/Love Ain’t Illegal/The Irresistible Man”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

This week’s cruise is all about people being stupid.

For instance, George Boggs (Dick Martin) wants to embezzle some money from his company but he can’t run the risk of his business partner, Irwin (Robert Mandan), finding out.  So, George tells his secretary, Marge (Phyllis Davis), to keep Irwin distracted while George steals the money.  However, Marge really does fall for Irwin.  This was a very predictable storyline and it suffered from Dick Martin continually mugging for the camera and acting so obviously guilty that there was no way that the entire world wouldn’t have noticed what he was doing.  Still, if you’re a fan of sitcoms from the 70s and 80s, it’s always interesting to see Robert Mandan playing a sympathetic character for a change.

Things get even dumber when Doug Bridges (Linwood Boomer) decides that the best way to get Pam (Lydia Cornell) to notice him would be to fake being pulled into a broom closet and kissed by an amorous woman who then, in Doug’s telling of the story, runs off and disappears.  Soon, the entire ship is looking for Doug’s mystery woman.  Why this would get Pam to like Doug, I’m not sure.  Pam’s best friend (Pat Klous) does like Doug so she pretends to be the mystery woman.  Of course, Doug can’t reveal that she’s lying because that would mean revealing that he was lying and …. as I said, this story was dumb.  Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Finally, Captain Stubing’s ex-fiancé, Linda (Pat Crowley) boards the ship and the Captain is super excited!  He starts to rekindle their relationship and soon, he’s even thinking of proposing.  Yay!  Vicki’s finally going to have a stepmom …. oh wait.  Hold on.  It turns out that Linda’s married and she just boarded the boat and allowed herself to be romanced by the Captain without telling him any of this because …. reasons, I guess?  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  Linda is not happy with her marriage and is in the process of getting a divorce but she doesn’t tell any of that to the Captain.  Merrill thinks that Linda is single and ready to get married.  Nope, Linda was just looking for a fling and is not ready to get married again.  Poor Merrill!  At least he has the crew looking out for him….

Ugh.  This episode.  Listen, I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief when it comes to this show.  Usually, I absolutely love The Love Boat.  But usually there’s at least one sort of funny or sweet story to go along with the ones that are less memorable.  None of the stories worked on this cruise and that’s a shame.  That said, I’ll be back next week.  The Love Boat promises something for everyone, afterall.

Welcome Home, Soldier Boys (1971, directed by Richard Compton)


Talk about embarrassing!  When Lisa told me that today was Joe Don Baker’s birthday, I decided that I would review Speedtrap, as 1977 car theft movie that Lisa and I watched last week.  But, when I took a look at the imdb to double check the name of the character that Baker played in Speedtrap, I discovered that I had already reviewed it!

Instead of talking about Speedtrap a second time, I’m going to recommend one of Joe Don Baker’s early films.  In Welcome Home, Soldier Boys, Baker stars as Danny, the leader of a group of Green Berets who have just returned from Vietnam and can no longer find a place in society.  Danny, Kid (Alan Vint), Shooter (Paul Koslo), and Fatback (Elliott Street) go on a cross-country road trip.  After they kill a prostitute (Jennifer Billingsley) who demanded more money than they were willing to pay, they visit many sites from their youth.  They go to a high school basketball team.  They spend some time in a sleazy motel.  (Geoffrey Lewis plays the desk clerk.)  They get into a fight with a mechanic (Timothy Scott) over the price of some auto repairs.  After being cheated by one too many people and realizing that no one cares about the sacrifices that they made for their country, they put on their uniforms and violently take over a small town, leading the National Guard to show up to take them all out.

Welcome Home, Soldier Boys is a pretty ham-fisted anti-war allegory and the plot sometimes meanders too much for its own good.  With its road trip violence, its a dry run for director Richard Compton’s far more cohesive Macon County Line.  The movie still packs a punch, due to the efforts of the cast and the violent ending.  The movie is full of familiar characters actors, who are all convincing in their roles but it really is dominated by Joe Don Baker’s hulking intensity.  Danny is the dark side of the amiable country boys that Joe Don Baker would play in so many other movies.  Danny is angry but, as a stranger in a strange land, he’s sometimes sympathetic.  Ultimately, Danny wants the respect that was given to the returning soldiers of the previous generation.  Instead, he comes back to country that doesn’t want much to do with him or his friends.  Returning from serving overseas and still trying to deal with the things that he saw in overseas, Danny feels lost in and rejected by his home country.  It’s one of Baker’s best performances.

Are You Ready For The Slaughter Brothers Dime Circus?


Back in 2022, I was lucky enough to get a chance to view and review Richard Burgin’s Fang, a visceral work of body horror that not only captured the paranoia and fear of our increasingly isolated society but which also featured an excellent performance from the iconic Lynn Lowry.  It’s a wonderful film and one that I continue to recommend.  With the horror genre running the risk of being commercialized and compromised by the big studios that, just a few years ago, refused to even consider supporting the genre, it is more important than ever to support indie horror and independent filmmakers.

Richard Burgin’s upcoming project promises to be another unique excursion into the world of indie horror.  The Slaughter Brothers Dime Circus is described as being “(a) calliope-fueled comic nightmare. A surrealist horror circus mindbender.”  The production, which takes inspiration from both classic horror and film noir, takes place at a dilapidated carnival and it will explore both the lives of those who work at the carnival and also the horror that lurks underneath the show.  The Slaughter Brothers Dime Circus was originally a stage show that, like so many creative endeavors, ran afoul the COVID lockdowns.  The stage show was transformed into a radio show and now, director Burgin and the show’s writer, Sean Sullivan, are hoping to adapt into a feature film.

And I hope they do!  The premise sounds intriguing and Richard Burgin has already shown, with Fang, that he can craft a surprising and moving horror film.  As well, I think we’re just now coming to terms with just how much the creative industry suffered as a result of the COVID era.  As a result of the pandemic and how the fears of COVID were handled, so many theatrical and cinematic projects were derailed and many of them are just now getting back on their feet.  Some projects never recovered.  So many theaters shut down permanently as a result of the pandemic that I always have to cheer whenever I hear about one that has reopened.  That’s the beautiful thing about creative people.  We have faith in our vision and we don’t give up.  Not only do I want to see this film for its story but I also feel that its production will prove the resilience of the creative spirit.

You can find out more about this project at their indiegogo site.  As I sit here typing, this project has raised 69% of its goal.  Here’s a link to their site, which has more information about the film, its story, and the people involved in producing it.  I’m looking forward to reviewing this one!

 

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Darren Aronofsky Edition


4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films is just what it says it is, 4 (or more) shots from 4 (or more) of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films lets the visuals do the talking.

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy 56th birthday to one of our favorite filmmakers, Darren Aronofsky!  When we first started this site, we were eagerly awaiting the release of Black Swan.  Now, ten years alter, we’re eagerly awaiting the release of Aronofsky’s next film, whatever it may be.

In honor of the birthday of a true visionary director, here are….

4 Shots From 4 Darren Aronofsky Films

Requiem for a Dream (2000, dir by Darren Aronofsky, DP: Matthew Libatique)

The Wrestler (2008, dir by Darren Aronofsky, DP: Maryse Alberti)

Black Swan (2010, dir by Darren Aronosfky, DP: Matthew Libatique)

mother! (2017, dir by Darren Aronofsky, DP: Matthew Libatique)

Happy 89th Birthday to Joe Don Baker!


I’ve loved Joe Don Baker since I first saw him portray Buford Pusser in WALKING TALL on Fox 16 out of Little Rock when I was a kid. There was something about the way he wields that big piece of lumber that got me excited. As I’ve watched more of his work, I realized just how charismatic he could be in the right roles. And he excelled at being a ruthless bad guy! Today, I share a scene from the excellent film CHARLEY VARRICK (1973), where Baker portrayed the sadistic “Molly.” 

Enjoy my friends! 

SHANE (The TV Series) – Episode 7: Day of the Hawk (originally aired October 22nd, 1966)


Episode 7 begins with two drunk cowboys, who work for Rufe Ryker (Bert Freed), raising cane and deciding they’ll go harass some sodbusters just for the hell of it. On this day, they ride over to Ira Jackson’s (Jason Wingreen) ranch, where Marian Starett (Jill Ireland) is there visiting Ira’s daughter Elizabeth (Catherine Ferrar). As the cowboys ride around the house, hooping and hollering and shooting off their guns, a frustrated Ira opens the door and fires a blast from his shotgun. The cowboys shoot back toward the house, hitting a kerosene lamp in the kitchen and starting a fire. Ira gets the ladies out of the house and then commences to fighting with the cowboys, who now realize what they’ve done and are wanting to help put out the fire. While the men and Marian are distracted with the fight, Elizabeth runs back into the house to try to save her calico cat, where she is engulfed by the flames and dies. 

We move on to Elizabeth’s funeral and see Shane (David Carradine) ride up with Reverend Harry Himber (James Whitmore). Rufe Ryker is there and he tells Shane and the Reverend that he’s sorry about what happened, that he had nothing to do with it, and that he doesn’t want any trouble. Shane isn’t in much mood to listen to Ryker so he moves on. Reverend Himber, who we will come to find out is a pacifist, begins the service by saying that Elizabeth would want everyone there to remember the good times they had together with her, as well as look inward to find forgiveness and understanding. Hellbent on revenge, Ira just screams “No!”

That night, after chewing his two cowhands out, Ryker decides he’s going to pay them two months wages and send them out of town. He would rather lose a couple of good cowboys as fight a war with Ira. As one of the men, the young Hoke (Dee Pollock), is on his way out of town, Ira shoots him down from the hillside with his rifle. The remainder of the episode consists of Shane and Tom Starett (Tom Tully) trying to protect Ira and the other local farmers from the wrath of Ryker and his men, while Reverend Himber tries to get everyone to talk it out to avoid more killings in the valley. 

In episode 7, the character of Rufe Ryker takes center stage, along with Shane and the visiting Reverend Himber, played here by guest star James Whitmore in an incredible performance. This is probably the deepest episode we’ve dealt with thus far, with each character showing some level of moral complexity. Neither Shane or Ryker want a fight, but they both prepare to get bloody for different reasons. Ryker makes it clear that he will protect his men and fight for them even when they’re wrong. Shane makes it clear that he will fight for the sodbusters against powerful men like Ryker even when he thinks they’re wrong. And then there’s Reverend Himber, the pacifist who is willing to do whatever it takes to stop a fight. During the episode we find out that he had been forced to kill six enemy soldiers when they raided the hospital he was working at during the war. This episode drives home the fact that a man’s ideals will at times contrast harshly with the realities of the positions they find themselves in. Each of these three men finds himself in a situation that has grown bigger than him, with both Ryker and Shane recognizing the deal and preparing for the worst. Reverend Himber, on the other hand, tries to take control of the situation, only to be the catalyst for more tragedy. We have all been in situations where we hope for the best, but we’re smart enough to prepare for the worst, because some of the biggest fools alive are the ones who think they can control other people. 

Overall, the “Day of the Hawk” is a strong episode that has a surprisingly powerful and emotional conclusion. The storyline belongs to Shane, Ryker and the Reverend, so Shane’s relationship with Marian takes a back seat this time around. I don’t think they look at each other longingly a single time, which did make me a little sad. Here’s hoping they’ll double that up in Episode 8! 

Music Video of the Day: Idiot Box by Sharan Van Etten & The Attachments (2025, dir by Susa LaRoche and Ethan Dawes)


Idiot Box was a term often used to describe television and …. Hey, I like the idiot box!

Uhmmm ….. well, let’s forget I said that.

I also like black-and-white videos and good music.

Enjoy!