Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.7 “Small Blessing”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, comedians Julie Brown, Kevin Nealon, and David Spade deal with a baby who was born with a lot of very sharp teeth.  Is it a demon or is it just a little blessing?  Let’s find out.

Episode 3.7 “Small Blessing”

(Dir by Roger Nygard, originally aired on November 11th, 1990)

Julie Brown plays the mother of a three-month old baby and, like a lot of new mothers, she is exhausted.  The baby is constantly doing things like crying, crawling out of its crib, and walking on the ceiling.  The baby was also born with over 30 razor sharp teeth and it likes to eat meat.  (I’m going to assume Julie bottle-feeds.)  Julie’s husband (Kevin Nealon) insists that there is nothing wrong with their baby and he gets angry at his wife for constantly being exhausted.  Julie doesn’t know how much longer she can stand being around her carnivorous baby.  When a serial killer (David Spade) shows up at the house, the baby proves its worth.  Julie’s husband comes home to find her holding the baby and talking about how much she loves him.  Awwwww!

This episode was goofy but enjoyable.  It started out as a story about the exhaustion that every mother has felt and then it becomes a comedy in which Julie Brown is the only person who seems to notice that there is anything strange about her baby.  While her husband makes excuses for all of the baby’s odd behavior, Julie knows that it’s not normal for a baby to devour raw meat, climb on a ceiling, and bust its way out of its crib.  But then David Spade shows up with a big knife and the baby proves itself.  Go, Baby!

The main problem is that the baby looked really bad.  It wasn’t a real baby, of course.  It was obviously a puppet and, when I say obviously, I mean it was so clearly a fake baby that it actually worked against the show’s effectiveness.  There was a lot of good things about this episode, including the performances of Julie Brown, Kevin Nealon, and David Spade.  But that fake baby was just too fake to be as effective as it could have been.

Still, this episode proves that even mutant babies deserve love.

 

Happy 80th Birthday to Tom Selleck – Celebrate with this clip from QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER (1990)!


Tom Selleck has been a part of my life almost as far back as I can remember. I was seven years old when MAGNUM P.I. premiered on T.V., so I literally grew up on the adventures of Hawaii’s best private eye! Selleck is such a likable and charismatic screen presence.

My wife and I are celebrating his birthday by watching my very favorite Tom Selleck movie, QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER (1990). I love this scene where Wyoming cowboy Matthew Quigley first arrives at the Australian ranch of Elliott Marston (Alan Rickman), and then proceeds to prove his prowess with a long distance rifle to a bunch of smirkers. 

Enjoy, my friends, and Happy Birthday, Mr. Selleck! 

Life Stinks (1991, directed by Mel Brooks)


Goddard Bolt (Mel Brooks), the massively wealthy CEO of Bolt Enterprises, wants to buy up a huge area of Los Angeles’s slums and tear them down, transforming the area into a chic neighborhood and moving all of the poor residents and street people out.  Rival businessman Vaughn Craswell (Jeffrey Tambor), who grew up in the slum and dreams of destroying it himself, has the same plan.  He and Bolt make a bet.  If Bolt can survive for 30 days on the streets, Craswell will allow Bolt to have the property.  Bolt agrees and soon, he is penniless and sleeping in alleys.  While Bolt befriends Sailor (Howard Morris) and Fumes (Theodore Wilson) and falls in love with a former dancer named Molly (Lesley Ann Warren), Craswell schemes to take over Bolt’s company and keep Bolt on the streets permanently.

Life Stinks was one of Mel Brooks’s attempts to make a straight comedy that wasn’t a parody and which had a serious message underneath the laughs.  The mix of comedy and drama doesn’t really gel,  because the drama is too dark and the comedy is too cartoonish.  Life Stinks is often guilty of romanticizing living on the streets.  With the exception of two muggers, everyone whom Bolt meets is a saint.  It is still interesting to see Brooks creatively at his most heartfelt and humanistic.

Life Stinks does feature some of Mel Brooks’s best work as an actor and it’s also features an excellent turn from Lesley Anne Warren.  At first, I thought Warren would be miscast as a woman who spent her days in a soup kitchen and her nights sleeping in an alley.  But she actually gives a very sweet and believable performance.

No matter what else, Mel Brooks is a true mensch.

 

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.15 “I Don’t Play Anymore/Gopher’s Roommate/Crazy For You”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher thinks that he recognizes a passenger!

Episode 5.15 “I Don’t Play Anymore/Gopher’s Roommate/Crazy For You”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 23rd, 1982)

When Rachel (Mackenzie Phillips) boards the ship, Gopher is sure that they’ve met before.  Rachel tells Gopher that he must be mistaken and, in fact, she goes out of her way to avoid him.  Since no one on this ship has ever stopped to consider that getting the cruise line sued would be bad for their career, Gopher continues to follow Rachel around.  Rachel finally tells Gopher the truth.

She does know him.

In fact, they were once quite close.

In college, Rachel was Gopher’s roommate and she played for the football team.  However, after graduating college, she had gender-affirmation surgery and now, she goes by the name of Rachel.  Gopher is stunned and I know what you’re probably thinking.  You’re probably looking at the 1982 air date and assuming that the whole storyline becomes consumed with gay panic as Gopher grapples with having been attracted to his former roommate.  (Doc also hits on her but then again, Doc hits on anyone.)  Well, believe it or not, The Love Boat handles this storyline with a surprising amount of sensitivity.  Yes, Gopher is stunned at first.  But he soon comes to respect and support Rachel’s decision, even if he doesn’t fully understand it.  Physically, the rather slight Mackenzie Phillips is not particularly believable as a former football player but still, both she and Fred Grandy gave good performance in the story.  This week was a case of The Love Boat really taking me by surprise.

Meanwhile, psychiatrist Lisa Lessing (Joanna Cassidy) boards the boat to observe David Jackson (Dick Shawn), an exec who is asking for worker’s compensation because he claims to be mentally ill.  Lisa (hey!) is on board to check on David’s sanity.  Lisa comes to believe that David is not faking but — surprise! — David actually is faking and now he feels bad because he and Lisa have fallen in love.  Lisa decides to pretend to be crazy too.  Uhmmm, okay.

Pianist Paul Krakauer (James MacArthur) has retired from playing because of the crippling arthritis in his hands.  When he meets Irene (Donna Pescow), a maid on the ship, he falls in love and decides to give one last performance so that he can make a quick $25,000 and give it to Irene so she can get an operation to fix her ankle.  Turns out that Doc has some ‘medicine” that allows Paul to play the piano but it takes several hours to take it effect so Paul misses a date that he previously set up with Irene.  Irene is ready to dump David until she finds out why he stood her up.

So, this episode had one surprisingly sensitive and two kind of bland storylines.  (The pianist storyline was ultimately saved by Donna Pescow’s performance as Irene.)  And I’ve got a massive headache and a cold.  Bleh.  That said, this was actually an above-average cruise, featuring some good performances on the part of the passengers and the cruise.  This week’s trip on The Love Boat was worth it.

Scenes That I Love: Meet Rick Deckard in Blade Runner


Continuing our theme of dystopian noir, today’s scene of the day comes from 1982’s Blade Runner.  In this scene, we not only meet Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford) but we also get a look at the future of Los Angeles, from both the sky and the ground.

(Of course, the film takes place in 2019 so its future is our past!)

This is one of the best world-building scenes that I’ve ever seen, one that works because it takes place in a world we can recognize but which has obviously developed and changed over the years.  Plus, I just like Harrison Ford wearing a trench coat and looking grumpy.  He should have done more noirs.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Dystopia Noir Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

I have a headache and it’s raining outside.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Dystopian Film Noirs

Blade Runner (1982, dir by Ridley Scott, DP: Jordan Cronenweth)

Streets of Fire (1984, dir by Walter Hill, DP: Andrew Laszlo)

Inland Empire (2006, dir by David Lynch, DP: David Lynch)

Blade Runner 2049 (2017, dir by Denis Villeneuve, DP: Roger Deakins)

SHANE (The TV Series) – Episode 5: The Bitter, the Lonely (originally aired October 8th, 1966)


Episode 5 opens with a man riding his horse down the hill towards a sweaty Shane (David Carradine) who’s plowing a field on the Starett ranch. The man gets off his horse, walks up to Shane and punches him right in the face. He then turns around and heads back towards his horse. Not putting up with strangers punching him in the face on this day, Shane gets up and punches the guy back in the face. The guy then surprisingly proceeds to knock Shane on his ass again, this time telling him his name in the most Bond-ian of ways, “It’s Posey…RG Posey” (Steve Ihnat). Through a variety of circumstances, we learn that Posey hates “sodbusters” who put up fences and work the ground. He hates sodbusters so much that when he rode up on a person he thought was a sodbuster, he just decided to knock the crap out of him.

Hanging out at Sam Grafton’s saloon, Posey tells the local cowhands about kicking Shane’s ass, so local cattle rancher Rufe Ryker (Bert Freed) hires him on the spot. He thinks that any man who has gotten the best of Shane is someone he wants on his side. Over time though, Posey’s hateful and bullying actions towards Tom Starett (Tom Starett), his daughter Marian Starett (Jill Ireland), and Shane are too much, even for Ryker. Posey’s one of those guys who refer to farmers as “apple knockers,” “nesters” and “stump jumpers.” On multiple occasions, he even says they’re not human. Ryker makes it clear to Posey that while he’s working with the Ryker outfit, the Starett’s will be treated respectfully. Not content to leave well enough alone, Posey decides to dam up the stream that flows onto the Starett’s ranch just because he can. When Shane finds out, he rides out to confront Posey, and the two men fight it out with shovels. Ryker rides up on the two men and fires Posey on the spot, and even helps Shane break up the dam. Unable to accept that his own bitterness and hate cost him his job, Posey decides to blame Shane and sets out to kill him. 

Episode 5 is an enjoyable episode. First, it has a couple of exciting action sequences. The scene where Shane and Posey fight with shovels is the best action scene in the series so far. Grown men swinging shovels at each other is extremely dangerous and this episode certainly captures that feeling. I also enjoyed the scene at the very end where young Joey Starett (Christopher Shea) is running through the field with Shane’s gun, trying to warn him that Posey’s on his way to kill him. It’s a well executed scene that had me on the edge of my seat. Second, this episode tackles an important social issue. Posey hates sodbusters “just because they’re different.” As mentioned earlier, in his own mind he’s reduced them to being less than human. This is beaten into our heads in a pretty heavy handed approach, but that’s perfectly fine. The episode aired over 58 years ago and has a strong “message” that illustrates how Posey’s hate has turned him into an angry, bitter man who blames others for his own bad decisions and problems. For a good example of this these days, just open up any social media app and scroll for a bit, and you’ll see how anger and bitterness continue to steal our joy. Finally, I think Steve Ihnat is good as Posey, a man so full of hate that he doesn’t have the first clue about how to actually be happy. Ihnat had a solid television career, appearing in almost every good TV show in the 1960’s. He would even direct the James Coburn rodeo movie from 1972 called THE HONKERS. Sadly, Ihnat would pass away in 1972 at just 37 years of age. 

Overall, I found episode 5 to be very good. It tells an exciting story, while teaching an important lesson about how a person who allows hate to fester in their heart will ultimately end up as a bitter and lonely loser. Shane’s relationship with Marian Starett doesn’t advance much in Episode 5 but they do look at each other longingly at one point. Now that I think about it, with all the hate shown by Posey, it would have been nice to see a little more love in this episode. Oh well, there’s always episode 6 to look forward to!