Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.19 “Far Below”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, there’s something in subways!

Episode 2.19 “Far Below”

(Dir by Debra Hill, originally aired on February 25th, 1990)

Alex Kritz (John Scott Clough) is a city bureaucrat who has been sent to do an audit and discover why one subway maintenance crew is getting paid so much despite the high rate of turnover on the crew.  The head of the crew, Dr. Vernon Rathmore (Barry Nelson), not only overpays his workers but he also offers them full insurance and a pension.  Kritz not only wants to understand why Dr. Rathmore is spending so much money but also how he has been able to get away with it for so long.

Dr. Rathmore invites Kritz to watch a monitor so he can observe two of his workers gunning down what appears to be a Yeti with glowing white fur.  Kritz is outraged, accusing Rathmore of killing a homeless man.  Rathmore explains that his section of the subway is full of prehistoric, ape-liked monsters who feast on human flesh.  Rathmore has taken it upon himself to keep the population under control.

When Kritz again accuses Rathmore of genocide, Rathmore reveals that he actually has two of the monsters locked away in the office.  And one of them is his wife!  It turns out that she has quite the appetite for nosey bureaucrats….

This was a simple but entertaining episode of Monsters, one that was well-acted by Nelson and Clough and which made great use of two sets, Rathmore’s office and the atmospheric and dark subway tunnels where Rathmore’s men work.  The escalating tension between Rathmore and Kritz was well-handled, with Rathmore growing more and more annoyed with Kritz’s questions.  Based on all of the urban legends that have sprung up over the years about monsters living in the subways and the sewers (check out Raw Meat for another example), this was an effective episode that managed to tell a complete and interesting story in only 20 minutes.  Monsters was a frequently uneven show, as is true of most anthology series.  Fortunately, for every couple of bad episodes that the viewer got, the viewer would also occasionally get a masterpiece like Far Below.

Far Below was directed by Debra Hill, who is probably best-known for co-producing several of John Carpenter’s early films, including the original Halloween. This episode was Hill’s directorial debut and it was one of only two things she directed.  (The other was an episode of a 90s sitcom called Dream On.)  She did an excellent job with this episode and it’s a shame that she didn’t direct more.

Finally, this was the final performance of actor Barry Nelson.  Nelson was the first actor to ever play James Bond, playing an Americanized version of the character in a 1950s television adaptation of Casino Royale.  (Nelson technically played “Jimmy Bond.”)  Modern horror fans know Nelson best for his wonderful performance as the blandly professional Mr. Ullman in The Shining.  The scene where Nelson (as Ullman) cheerfully talks about what happened to the last caretaker and his family is one of my favorite bits of acting of all time.  Nelson retired after this episode of Monsters and it’s nice to able to say that he went out on a high note.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 3.17 “Dead Man’s Tale” (dir by John Newland)


On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, a down-on-his-luck writer checks into an Alaskan motel with his wife.  After glancing through a cheap guidebook, the writer is inspired to write a story.  After the story is published, the writer is shocked to discover that the story he thought of as being fiction might actually be true!

This episode originally aired on January 17th, 1961.  Alaska had been a state for a little over a year when this episode was broadcast.  It was still a land of mystery.

(For many of us, it still is!)

Haunting on Fraternity Row (2018, directed by Brant Sersen)


The fraternity is throwing their “Winter Luau,” the biggest and wildest party of the year.  It’s a night of drugs, drink, sex, and pranks.  It’s just too bad that the members of fraternity ripped open a hole to another world in their basement and now an evil spirit is offing every last one of them.

Shot on a camcorder to give it that Blair Witch feel, Haunting on Fraternity Row‘s budget is low and the members of the cast are convincingly obnoxious.  One member of the fraternity puts on a bunny suit and I could not wait for him to hurry up and meet the evil in the basement.  It takes forever to get to the supernatural part of the story.  Instead, most of the movie is the fraternity setting up for the party and then throwing the party.  I think the people behind the film just wanted to throw a rager and they came up with all of the supernatural stuff as a way to convince people to give them money.  Good for them.  The party looks fun.  Why didn’t my college ever throw any parties like that?

Don’t watch if you’re expecting sympathetic or even likable characters.  Don’t watch if you want a plot that makes sense.  Don’t watch if you’re expecting to see anything like the picture to the left.  Do watch if you just can’t get enough beer pong.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.1 and 5.2 “The Expedition/Julie’s Wedding/The Mongala/Julie’s Replacement/The Three R’s/The Professor’s Wife”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we start season 5 of The Love Boat!

Episode 5.1 and 5.2 “The Expedition/Julie’s Wedding/The Mongala/Julie’s Replacement/The Three R’s/The Professor’s Wife”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on October 10th, 1981)

The fifth season of The Love Boat opens with a two-hour spectacular.  Our Love Boat crew is in Australia, where they will be guiding The Sea Princess on a voyage through the South Pacific.  It’s a bit odd to start off a season of The Love Boat on a different boat but I guess the plan was to show off all the different ships that sailed for Princess Cruise Lines.  This episode was actually shot on the boat during a cruise.  It’s interesting to see how different the Sea Princess is from the show’s usual location.  It has nicer hallways than the Pacific Princess and a much larger lobby.  However, I prefer the relative privacy of the Pacific Princess’s multi-level dining room to the wide open space provided by the Sea Princess.

Captain Stubing, Gopher, Isaac, and Doc are shocked when Julie does not board the ship.  She’s been on vacation with her boyfriend, Tony (Anthony Andrews), for the last few months. Tony lives in Australia so, really, it shouldn’t be too hard for Julie to make it to the ship. Instead, a substitute cruise director named Yvonne (Delvene Delaney) shows up.  Doc and Gopher are happy because it gives them a new co-worker to lust after.  Captain Stubing is upset because Julie has sent them all a letter in which she explains that she will be marrying Tony and retiring to the animal habitat where he works.  She asks Stubing to give her away and she invites Vicki to be a bridesmaid.  Gopher, Isaac, and Doc will be ushers.

Doc is briefly distracted from chasing Yvonne when he spots Barbara Carroll (Michelle Phillips) boarding the boat.  However, Barbara has eyes for Ralph Sutton (Patrick Duffy), a rancher who is blind without his glasses.  Unfortunately, that means that he can’t read the love letter that Barbara wrote him.  Because she wants Ralph for herself, Connie Walker (Jennilee Harrison) lies about what the letter says.  *GASP*  (Don’t worry, it all works out.)

Meanwhile, an expedition headed by shady Deke Donner (Jose Ferrer) goes to an island and captures a hairy man (Patrick Ward) who they believe is the Mongola, a.k.a., the missing link!  (Wait, what?)  They hide the ape-man in the ship’s cargo area (huh?) and try to keep anyone else from learning that they’re transporting a living thing.  Everyone acts like he’s a caveman but it’s kind of obvious that the Mongola is just a confused guy with a beard.  Dr. Jill McGraw (Donna Dixon) falls in love with the Mongola, much to the consternation of her colleague, Dr. Barry Mason (Gary Frank).  Meanwhile, Deke’s old friend, Prof. Milo Ender (Harry Morgan), is stunned to discover that the Mongola has a vaccination scar.  Milo’s wife, Vivian (Katherine Helmond), encourages Milo to keep the secret to himself so that they can at least make some money off of the Mongola.  (Like, seriously, what the Hell is even going on with this story?)  Milo agrees, though it doesn’t seem to occur to him that, if he could notice the vaccination scar, then pretty much anyone could notice the vaccination scar.  Eventually, the Mongola gets loose from his cage and jumps overboard.  “He’s shark food,” Deke says.  (What in the name of God is going on here?)  However, the Mongola apparently survives because the police are waiting to arrest Deke as soon as the ship docks in Australia.

But what about the wedding!? you’re saying.  Well, the wedding doesn’t happen.  It nearly happens.  Julie shows up at the church.  However, Tony finds out that he’s going to die in a month or two so he leaves Julie at the altar.  Julie flies back to Los Angeles with the rest of the Love Boat crew.

Seriously, this is the most morbid episode of The Love Boat that I’ve ever seen.

Still, morbid or not, it’s an entertainingly weird episode and the Australian and New Zealand scenery is lovely to look at.  (As with all of the two-hour episodes of The Love Boat, there’s a lot of travelogue padding.)  There’s something oddly appealing about seeing the usual Love Boat shenanigans mixed in with a story about the Missing Link and Julie discovering that the love of her life is terminally ill.  I mean, the song isn’t lying.  The Love Boat really does promise something for everyone.

I mean, in the end, we all know that Julie couldn’t get married because then she’d have to leave the show and that wouldn’t happen until Lauren Tewes’s cocaine use became a problem during the seventh season.  Tony could either cheat on her or he could die.  (Better he die than do what almost every man does at his bachelor party.)  The episode ends with Tony still alive so I guess the show’s writer were leaving their options open.  Maybe Tony will make a miraculous recovery, who knows?

Myself, I’m just happy that the crew is back together.  It’s time to set sail …. again!

Bonus Song of the Day: Atlantis by Donovan


Continuing today’s Atlantis theme, here’s a song about the lost continent from Donovan.

It’s kind of a silly song.  I mean, just listen to Donovan’s opening monologue.  But that chorus is next to impossible to get out of your head and, even more importantly, the song is iconic due to its use in Martin Scorsese’s Goodfellas.  Try to listen to this without thinking about Billy Batts and that night at the club.

Horror Scenes That I Love: The Raiders of Atlantis arrive in Atlantis Interceptors


Known as both Atlantis Interceptors and Raiders of Atlantis, Ruggere Deodato’s 1983 film imagines what would happen if the lost continent of Atlantis rose from the ocean in the vicinity of Florida.

In today’s scene that I love, the Atlanteans make their first appearance and they turn out to be a bunch of refugees from Mad Max.  Seriously, why would an underwater civilization need that many motorcycles?  And who knew that punk rock was so big in Atlantis?

That said, the guy with skull mask is definitely menacing.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Ruggero Deodato Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

As our song of the day may have revealed, today’s director is the great Italian filmmaker, Ruggero Deodato!

4 Shots From 4 Ruggero Deodato Films

The House On The Edge of the Park (1980, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Sergio D’Offizi)

Raiders of Atlantis (1983, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Robert D’Ettore Piazzoli)

Body Count (1986, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Emilio Loffredo)

Phantom of Death (1988, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Giorgio Di Battista)

Horror on the Lens: The Night Strangler (dir by Dan Curtis)


For today’s horror on the lens, we have 1973’s The Night Strangler.

This is the sequel to The Night Stalker and it features journalist Carl Kolchak (Darren McGavin) in Seattle.  (After all the stuff that happened during the previous movie, Kolchak was kicked out of Las Vegas.)  When Kolchak investigates yet another series of murders, he discovers that paranormal murders don’t just occur in Las Vegas and aren’t just committed by vampires.

I actually prefer this movie to The Night Stalker.  The Night Strangler features a truly creepy villain, as well as a trip down to an “underground city.”  It’s full of ominous atmosphere and, as always, Darren McGavin is a lot of fun to watch in the role in Kolchak.

Enjoy!

Horror Song of the Day: Main Theme From Cannibal Holocaust by Riz Ortolani


One of the great oddities of the horror genre and the world of grindhouse films is that 1980’s Cannibal Holocaust has got one of the most beautiful soundtracks ever recorded.  Composed by Riz Ortolani, here is the amazing Main Theme From Cannibal Holocaust.