October Positivity: Two Steps From Hope (dir by George A. Johnson)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 2017’s Two Steps From Hope, a family gets hit by tragedy upon tragedy. First, the eldest son is killed in a car accident, which leaves his sister struggling with guilt and his parents on the verge of divorce. In the split second necessary for that accident to occur, lives were changed forever. (If I seem to be harping on this, that’s because I’m still struggling to deal with the fact that my father was okay until he went to the store in May and was involved in the car accident that aggravated his Parkinson’s and ultimately cost him his life. If he hadn’t gone to the store on the day or even at that particular moment, he would probably still be alive today. I will admit that I spend a lot of time obsessing on this and I think it’s definitely changed the way that I react to just about everything.) Then, his sister starts to suffer from sudden nosebleeds, including having one while spending the weekend away at camp. When she returns from camp, she overhears her parents are arguing and, upset, she runs away. After she returns home, her health continues to deteriorate and it’s discovered that she is suffering from Leukemia.

As far as faith-based films are concerned, this one isn’t bad. It’s refreshingly non-preachy and it makes a sincere attempt to deal with grief in a realistic way and without offering up any quick solutions. The characters in this film are going to be struggling for a long time but at least they can draw strength from their faith and their bond as a family, albeit one that is currently in turmoil. That’s not a bad message and the actors play their roles with enough authenticity that the emotions ring true. The movie manages to handle potentially treacly scenes without allowing itself to fall into the trap of being overly sentimental. It’s a well-done film.

That said, the most interesting thing about the film is how it was made. The story was written by a group of teenage interns at Gaffer Media and those same interns made up the majority of the crew, giving them a chance to learn not only about filmmaking but also to make a film about teenagers that didn’t sound like it was written by an adult desperately trying to sound young. (Most faith-based films combine the worst dad jokes with absolutely the worst dialogue imaginable. Whenever I watch them, I always imagine the screenwriter scouring social media in an attempt to learn how people under the age of 18 talk. The end result is an overreliance on slang and a lot of scenes involving parents wondering why their children are so into their phones. “This new phone is totally on fleek!” the teenager will say while the parents exchange bemused glances.) The teenage crew (and I should note that this film was released seven years ago so none of them teenagers anymore) all did a good job. That is definitely something to be positive about.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.16 “Pressure Point”

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week’s episode is a change-of-pace as Ponch and Baker get off their motorcycles and go undercover!

Episode 2.16 “Pressure Point”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 20th, 1979)

The limousine of wealthy industrialist Arthur Forbinger (Rudy Vallee) is ambushed by three cars and a motorcycle. The motorcyclist shatters both the back and the front driver’s side window and tosses an envelope into the backseat. Forbinger orders his driver to chase the motorcycle.

Ponch and Baker, enjoying a leisurely patrol through Beverly Hills, spot the limo speeding down the street and they decide to pursue it. When Forbinger finally tells his driver to pull over, Ponch and Baker demands to know why Forbinger was putting lives at risk. Forbinger lies and says that he was late to a meeting. In reality, Forbinger has just opened the envelope and discovered pictures of his granddaughter, Chris (Mary Crosby). The implication is that whoever broke his window can also get to Chris.

Despite Forbinger’s attempts at deflection, Ponch, Baker, and Cahill soon figure out what actually happened. Thinking that Forbinger is perhaps being targeted by a private security firm that scares rich people into hiring its guards, Getraer tells Ponch and Baker to get off their motorcycles because they’re going undercover. Ponch will pretend to be a diplomat from Argentina and Baker will be his driver.

Ponch is overjoyed to at the chance to pretend to be rich. He’s even happier when he meets Chris. Oh, that Ponch!

This episode was weird. It just doesn’t feel right for Ponch and Baker to not be on their motorcycles and the episode spent so much time with Forbinger and Chris that I found myself wondering if it was meant to be some sort of backdoor pilot for a primetime soap opera about the Forbinger family. Despite featuring quite a few chase scenes and a few dramatic crashes, this didn’t feel like an episode of CHiPs at all. Is there really a point to the show without the motorcycles?

The other problem with this episode was that the performance of Rudy Vallee …. well, it wasn’t good. I know that Rudy was a show business veteran when he did this episode and that he had been around for a while but he still gives a rather flat and lifeless performance. He delivers his lines as if reading them off of a cue card. (For all I know, he was reading them off of a cue card.) As for the rest of the guest cast, Mary Crosby is stuck with a nothing role while Guy Stockwell and Tom Troupe are a bit too obviously sinister as the duplicitous security men.

This episode went for a change of pace but it just didn’t work. Sorry, Highway Patrol.

October Hacks: Phantom Fun-World (dir by Tory Jones)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Twenty-five years ago, six employees were murdered at Phantom Fun-World, an amusement park owned by August Ambrose (played Ari Lehman, best known for having played the young Jason Voorhees in the first Friday the 13th). Now, the park is reopening and there’s already people competing to be the new Phantom Fun-World mascot. Unfortunately, none of them get the job because they’re all killed by a hulking figure wearing a mask. For whatever reason, this killer seems to have a real issue with mascots.

Yes, there is a killer stalking Phantom Fun-World and that’s not good news for Andi (Celeste Blandon), who has taken a job working nights at the park. Andi needs the money to take care of her teenage brother, Cole (Jace Carson) and the job will give her a chance to hang out with her best friend, Collins (Spooky Madison). (It will also give her a chance to spend time away from her toxic mother.) Unfortunately, the killer has plans of his own and soon, Andi’s co-workers are dying and Andi is fighting to both protect Cole and to survive the night.

Despite the brevity of this review, I actually enjoyed Phantom Fun-World quite a bit. There’s nothing particularly unique about the plot. It’s a standard slasher film and the fact that it points out more than once that it’s a standard slasher film doesn’t change that fact. (Indeed, the slasher genre has been so influenced by Scream that it’s now more surprising when a film doesn’t deliberately draw attention to or comment on its use of all of the genre’s cliches.) But the film makes good use of the theme park location and the killer is a frightening one, both because of his mask and the fact that he seems to truly relish his work. Someone like Jason Voorhees kills because it’s the only thing that he knows how to do. He doesn’t seem to take any pleasure out of it. The killer in Phantom Fun-World is having the time of his life and that’s make him all the more frightening. The murders are well-directed and surprisingly brutal. Again, this is one intimidating killer.

It helps that the cast is likable. There’s really no one in this movie who does a bad job. The viewer likes everyone and, as such, there’s some actual emotional stakes to all of the mayhem. Celeste Blandon does an especially good job as Andi, making her a worthy protagonist without making her so perfect that she becomes a less-than-credible character. One of the reasons that the movie works is because Andi truly does make the same mistakes that anyone in her situation would make and, as a result, it’s easy to empathize with her and her desire to protect Cole.

Don’t get me wrong. Phantom Fun-World is a low-budget slasher film and there’s not a whole lot going on here that you haven’t seen in other slasher films. That said, it’s a well-done film and an appropriate way to spend 90 minutes during the Halloween season.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Blind Date (dir by Nico Mastokaris)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1984’s Blind Date, Joseph Bottoms stars as Jonathon Ratcliff, an American who works in Greece.

Jonathon would appear to have it all. He has a good job in an exotic land. He has a nice home. He has a beautiful girlfriend named Claire (Kirstie Alley). He has co-workers who love him so much that they insist on throwing him a birthday party and giving him his cake while he’s making love to Claire. Jonathon enjoys jogging and listening to music and spying on his neighbor, which the film treats as a harmless little thing that all men do. I mean, I guess we should be happy that Jonathon isn’t disguising himself as a taxi driver and murdering the women that he picks up with a scalpel. No, someone else is doing that.

Jonathon suddenly loses his eyesight. Fortunately, Dr. Steiger (James Daughton) has a solution. He’s created a computer program that turns sound into very primitive, grid-like images. As long as Jonathon is wearing his headphones, he can see … kind of. At first, it’s all good fun. Jonathon beats up the extremely flamboyant muggers who have been harassing him at the subway station. And he continues to spy on his neighbor whenever she’s getting undressed which is not cool considering that Claire has stayed with him through his entire ordeal.

Meanwhile, the scalpel murders are continuing….

Now, to be honest, I assumed that Jonathon was going to form some sort of mental connection with the killer and start seeing the murder through the killer’s eyes. Instead, Jonathon just hears the killer walking with one of his victims and he ends up investigating on his own, despite not really being able to see well. Basically, the whole idea of Jonathon being blind doesn’t have much to do with the thriller aspect of the plot. I could maybe accept that if the film hadn’t spent a huge amount of time explaining in pain-staking detail how exactly Jonathon’s “eyes” work. The action literally stopped for a huge chunk of the film’s running time so that the film could make its most ludicrous plot point seem even more ludicrous.

Greek director Nico Mastokaris is obviously trying to do an Argento-style giallo with Blind Date and, indeed, Argento himself has a noted habit of including intriguing but ultimately pointless red herrings in his films. Just as Asia Argento having the Stendhal Syndrome proved to be a bit inconsequential to The Stendhal Syndrome, Joseph Bottoms being blind is inconsequential to Blind Date. That said, Argento can get away with that sort of thing because, even in his weaker films, he’s clever stylist and he usually maintain a solid narrative pace. Blind Date, on the other hand, is rather draggy and Joseph Bottoms is not a particularly likeable hero.

On the positive side, James Daughton (he was the head of the evil frat in Animal House) gives a genuinely interesting performance and Kirstie Alley is likable as the neurotic Claire. For the most part, though, one can see why the sequel promised in the closing credits never came to be.

Horror Novel Review: The Lifeguard by Richie Tankersley Cusick

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I read 1988’s The Lifeguard earlier today. It’s a fast read, which is always a good thing.

The book tells the story of teenage Kelsey, whose father has just died and whose mother is already getting ready to marry her new boyfriend, Eric. Personally, I think mom is moving a bit too fast but then again, Eric’s rich and he invites Kelsey and her mom to spend the summer on Beverly Island. Kelsey makes new friends. She meets the people who might soon become her stepsiblings. She develops a crush on two of her potential stepbrothers, shy Justin and the intimidating Neale. And she gets involved in a potential murder when Beth, yet another of Eric’s children, disappears. Did Beth drown or did she fall victim to the killer of Beverly Island?

This book was so silly. Can Kelsey solve the mystery? Even more importantly, can Kelsey decide which one of her future stepsibilings she wants to date? Justin seems nice but Neal is so dark and mysterious. Can Kelsey figure out why the mysterious old man keeps yelling at her? Could he be the killer? He seems like kind of an obvious choice but Kesley might as well go ahead and break into his boat just to be sure….

Apparently, this book is considered to be a bit of a cult classic, solely because of the cover. And the cover is pretty cool. The book itself is nothing special but I probably would have appreciated it more if I hadn’t already read countless old school YA books with the exact same plot. I can only guess the R.L. Stine read The Lifeguard at some point.

This book also wins some points from me for having a ludicrously “happy” ending. Everything works out even though, to be honest, nothing should have worked out. Kelsey should have been traumatized for life and whatever plans her mom had to marry Eric should definitely have been cancelled! Seriously, there’s some things that not even the best of relationships can survive! That said, the ending was so over-the-top and — here’s that word again — silly, that I couldn’t help but appreciate it.

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond 2.14 “Make Me Not A Witch” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, Emmy (Patty McCormack) makes the mistake of telling her parents (Eileen Ryan and Leo Penn) that she can read minds. Needless to say, the news does not go over as well as Emmy might have hoped. Her parents have a farm to run! The last thing they need is a witch in their midst!

Emmy runs to the church and prays, “Make me not a witch!”

But what if the world needs a witch?

As with every episode of One Step Beyond, this episode is supposedly based on fact. Patty McCormack is best-remembered for her Oscar-nominated performance in The Bad Seed while Eileen Ryan and Leo Penn are best remembered as being the parents of Sean and Chris Penn.

This episode originally aired on December 22nd, 1959.

Enjoy!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Pulp Fiction!

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie ! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.

After we finish up this week’s #MondayActionMovie on Mastodon , we will be hopping over to twitter where #MondayMuggers will be showing 1994’s Pulp Fiction! The film is on Prime and it starts at 10 pm et!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop over to twitter at 10 pm et, pull Pulp Fiction up on Prime, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!

Enjoy!

Blood Harvest (2023, directed by Danny LeGare)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

“You have no idea the sacrifice I have made for this land!” Uncle Ollie (Greg Nutcher) yells when his family complain about life on the farm. They’re about to find out, though.

The audience will figure it out before Neil (Troy Escoda) and his clairovoyant son, Jake (Ian Hernandez-Oropeza). As soon as they arrive at the farm, Jake starts having visions of sacrifices and women having their tongues cut out. It’s easy to figure out what the farmers in the town due to ensure that they’ll have a good crop but no one in the movie is as smart as those of us watching at home.

The movie probably would have been scarier if I could have actually heard or understood half the dialogue. The film’s sound quality is terrible. I even checked my hearing aid to make sure that it wasn’t a problem on my end. Some of the dialogue has been obviously dubbed. Some scenes are too loud. Some scenes you can’t hear anything at all.

There’s not much of a story here so everything gets dragged out. “Have you wondered why there are no children her!?” Uncle Ollie yells while swinging around an axe. Nah, Ollie, we figure it out a while ago.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.3 “Killshot”

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, another friend of Crockett’s is in trouble!

Episode 3.3 “Killshot”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on October 10th, 1986)

Crockett and Tubbs are working undercover as Burnett and Cooper to take down drug lord Morales (Roger Pretto). Morales is one of the most powerful drug lords in Miami but he’s still not connected enough to know that Burnett and Cooper are undercover cops. I know that I bring this up nearly every time I write about this show but it just baffles me that Crockett and Tubbs are somehow still able to maintain their covers despite the fact that those covers have gotten blown in numerous episodes and Crockett makes no effort to act any differently when he’s pretending to be Burnett. At least Tubbs uses his fake Jamaican accent whenever he’s pretending to be Cooper. Crockett doesn’t even bother to change his suit before pretending to be Burnett.

That said, they’ve somehow managed to keep Morales from discovering that they’re cops. So, Morales instead focuses on manipulating a customs agent, Frank Ariolla (Carlos Cestero). Frank’s brother, Tico (Fernando Allende) is an up-and-coming jai alai player. (That’s the sport, prominently featured in Miami Vice‘s opening credits, in which the players use a wicker to both catch and launch a ball.) However, Tico also has a raging cocaine problem. In fact, the drug often leaves him impotent. When a prostitute suggests that Tico might not be attracted tp women, Tico goes crazy and blacks out. When he wakes up, the prostitute appears to be dead and madam Isabel Batista (Maria Duval) says she’ll protect Tico for a price. Frank has to work as a double agent or Isabel and Morales will send a tape of Tico attacking the prostitute to the police.

(For the record, the prostitute was only pretending to be dead as a part of a plot to frame Tico. But then Isabel had her killed for real.)

Trying to protect his brother, Frank agrees to work for Morales. But when a guilt-stricken Tico makes a mistake during a match that leads to him getting killed when he’s stuck in the head by the ja alai ball, will Crockett and Tubbs be able to stop Frank from taking his own violent vengeance on both Morales and Isabel? As you probably already guessed, this is yet another Miami Vice episode the ends with a freeze frame and an off-screen gunshot as Crockett yells, “No!”

If there’s one thing that has stayed consistent over the first three seasons of Miami Vice, it’s that it does not pay to be a friend of Sonny’s. From Jimmy Smits getting blown up in the pilot to Ira Stone dying last week to Frank throwing his life away to avenge his brother in this week’s episode, anyone who has ever been close to Crockett seems to end up having terrible luck. I’m stunned that Tubbs has managed to survive for as long as he has.

As for this episode, Crockett and Tubbs both seemed to be sidelined in favor of the story of Frank and Tico. It’s always weird when Crockett and Tubbs become supporting characters on their own show. Carlos Cestero and Maria Duval both gave good performances, which is good because it helps to distract from the fact that Morales is a fairly dull villain and Tico is not a particularly compelling character. For the most part, this episode works best as a commercial for ja alai, which looks a hundred times more exciting than most sports. Certainly, its fast action and the constant danger of sudden death makes it the ideal sport for Miami.