Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.18 “A Child of God”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

For this week’s rather sad episode, Jonathan confronts a reverend who has lost his way.

Episode 1.18 “A Child of God”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 6th, 1985)

After spending years away, Marsha Stearns (Coleen Maloney) has returned home.  She wants her parents, Sarah Stearns (Patricia Smith) and Rev. David Stearns (William Window), to take care of her young daughter, Amy (Natalie Gregory).  The Reverend Stearns wants nothing to do with Marsha or his granddaughter because Amy was born out of wedlock.  He considers Marsha to be an embarrassment to his church and a sinner who cannot be forgiven.

(Yikes!  It looks like Rev. Stearns kind of missed all of the important stuff dealing with forgiveness.  “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”  That’s Luke 6:37.)

What neither the Reverend nor his wife knows is that Marsha is terminally ill and only has a few weeks to live.  However, Marsha’s new neighbor — Jonathan Smith — does know and he confronts the Reverend and rather forcefully denounces him until Reverend Stearns forgives her daughter and visits her in the hospital right before she dies.

This was a pretty sad episode and it did bring some tears to my eyes, largely because it made me think about my mom.  That said, the most interesting thing about this episode was how angry Jonathan got at Reverend Stearns and his unforgiving attitude.  For the past 17 episodes, Jonathan has been a mellow and peaceful angel who has always recognized that everyone has some good in them.  But in this episode, when he confronts the Reverend, there is no way not to notice that Jonathan is truly pissed off.  For once, Jonathan doesn’t even hide the fact that he’s an angel.  He wants Rev. Stearns to know that he’s in trouble with Jonathan’s boss.  And really, it makes sense.  Why wouldn’t Jonathan be especially angry at a reverend who is failing in his duties?  He and Jonathan both work for the same company and Jonathan obviously sees the Reverend’s attitude as being a personal insult.  Jonathan is working hard and Rev. Stearns is screwing everything up.

Rev. Stearns does learn his lesson and embraces humility, though that doesn’t make up for all of the years that he refused to even acknowledge his granddaughter’s existence.  The episode ends with him giving a rather lengthy sermon, in which he suggests that maybe he got to hung up on the whole idea of condemning sin when he should have been focusing on loving everyone.  It’s a bit of a dull ending.  William Windom has the right look for the role but, whenever he has to pretend to preach, he comes across as being a bit dry and stiff.  Fortunately, Coleen Maloney is much more convincing and poignant as his estranged daughter.

Next week …. Scotty returns!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Tobe Hooper Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, on what would have been his 81st birthday, the Shattered Lens pays tribute to Texas’s own, Tobe Hooper!

The Austin hippie who redefined horror and left thousands of yankees terrified of driving through South Texas, Tobe Hooper often struggled to duplicate both the critical and the box office success of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  It’s only been in the years since his death that many critics and viewers have come to truly appreciate his unique and subversive vision.

Down here, in Texas, we always believed in him.

It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Tobe Hooper Films

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974, dir by Tobe Hooper, DP: Daniel Pearl)

The Funhouse (1981, dir by Tobe Hooper. DP: Andrew Laszlo)

Poltergeist (1982, dir by Tobe Hooper, DP: Matthew F. Leonetti)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986, dir by Tobe Hooper. DP: Richard Kooris)

Scenes That I Love: Charlie Comes Up With An Acronym in Whit Stillman’s Metropolitan


The Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director Whit Stillman!

Today’s scene that I love comes from Stillman’s first film, 1990’s Metropolitan.  In this scene, Charlie (Taylor Nichols) explains why UHB is a much better term for their social class than preppy.  As usual, Nick (Chris Eigeman) is there to provide support in his own unique way.  Nichols and Eigeman were both perfectly cast in this film.

Retro Television Reviews: Acting Sheriff 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Acting Sheriff, which aired on CBS in 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Who is Brent McCord?

Why, he’s the acting sheriff!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Michael Lembeck, originally aired on August 17th, 1991)

At a small country jail in North Carolina, the staff is waiting the arrival of the new sheriff.

Dispatcher Helen Munson (Ruth Kobart) is grumpy and sarcastic, as all older characters were required to be in 1990s sitcoms.

Deputy Judith Mahoney (Diane Delano) is a blonde badass who can’t wait to enforce the law and lock up every criminal that she sees, despite the fact that there aren’t many criminals to be found in this small, rural county.

Deputy Mike Swanson (John Putch) is the smart, responsible deputy who ran for sheriff in the last election but lost, despite his years of hard work and his likability.

Who is the new sheriff?  Why, he’s Brent McCord (Robert Goulet), a former Hollywood star who went from starring in films like Get Al Capone and A Fistful of Courage to appearing in books with titles like Where Are They Now?  Brent once was a huge star but, after several failed television shows and a handful of divorces, he has returned home and …. run for sheriff, for some reason.

When he does show up at the jail, Brent swaggers around like John Wayne and says things like, “Is the slime infecting the streets waiting for me?”  Brent McCord doesn’t know anything about being a county sheriff but he does know how to act like a character in a movie.  He walks into the station, draws his gun, and accidentally fires it.

Deputy District Attorney Donna Singer (Hilary B. Smith) is not happy about the new sheriff.  She tells him that, “Someone should put a tent over you and charge admission!”  She’s even less happy when a banker robber (Lee Tergesen) escapes from the jail, largely due to the sheriff’s incompetence.  Fortunately, Deputy Mike remembers a scene from Get Al Capone where McCord’s character recaptured a bank robber by leaving more money around for him to steal.  Following the same strategy, Mike recaptures the bank robber but he allows Sheriff McCord to have all the credit.  Mike’s a good guy who doesn’t hold a grudge over a silly thing like losing an election to a B-actor.

This pilot, which was produced by Disney for CBS, aired once and that was it.  It didn’t lead to anymore episodes and, watching the pilot, it’s easy to see why.  The pilot struggles to combine the relatively realistic portrayal of a county jail with the over-the-top performance of Robert Goulet.  Occasionally, Goulet will get a laugh by delivering his pompous lines in the most self-serious manner possible.  But, far too often, the character is so cartoonish that the other actors don’t seem to know how to keep up with Goulet’s hammy performance.  (At times, Goulet seems to be copying William Shatner’s technique without any of Shatner’s charm.)  Probably the biggest problem is that pilot fails to answer the most obvious question that one would have while watching the show.  Why did Brent McCord run for sheriff?  Does he want to do a good job or was he just bored?  Does he care about the county or did he just want to see his name in the newspapers?  Is he well-intentioned or just buffoonish?  The pilot doesn’t seem to know and, as a result, audiences would never find out.

 

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.17 “Taps”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

I was pretty hard on Monsters last week.  In retrospect, I think some of that was due to the fact that I was feeling anxious about getting my new laptop.  I stand by what I said about the episode because it wasn’t a good one but I do regret the slight tone of outrage that I took in my review.  Seriously, this is not a show to take seriously.

Take tonight’s episode for example….

Episode 1.17 “Taps”

(Dir by David Misch, originally aired on March 4th, 1989)

Suzy St. Claire (Mary Jo Keenan) is a professional dancer who is appearing, on Broadway, in a show that stars and is directed by an egomaniacal tap dancer, Gary Gregory (Neal Jones).  Suzy wants freedom from both the show and her romantic relationship with Gary so that she can go to Hollywood and try to become a star.  Gary tells her that there’s no way he’ll ever let her go.  So, Suzy contacts a lawyer and he helps her got out of the contract, along with suing Gary for sexual harassment.  Nah, just kidding.  That’s what I would do but Suzy just decides to poison him.  When Gary doesn’t die quickly enough and proves to be too big to fit in a suitcase, Suzy dismembers him.

A few years later, Suzy is in Hollywood with her agent, Sam (Dan Frazer).  She demands to know why Meryl Streep is getting Oscar nominations but she’s not.  Sam points out that starring in Graveyard Slasher III is not the path to getting Academy recognition.  After Sam leaves, Suzy realizes that she’s not alone in her apartment.  She looks over at the window and, behind the curtains, she sees a familiar red shoe.  She opens the curtains and is confronted by….

…. A DISEMBODIED LEG!

Apparently, she forgot to destroy Gary’s leg and now, it has tracked her down.  In a scene that has to be seen to be believed, she is chased around the apartment by the leg.  When she tries to leave the apartment, the leg trips her.  The leg hops up and down until she says, “You want to dance with me?”  It’s a scene that is so ludicrous that it nearly works.  The only problem is that a hopping leg, on its own, doesn’t really have the type of forward momentum necessary to be a real threat.  If you can’t outrun one hopping leg, maybe you deserve whatever you get.

In Suzy’s case, that means using a meat carver to chop off her own leg and then somehow — it’s never shown how — attaching Gary’s leg to the stump.  When we next see Suzy, she is back in New York and Sam is wondering why she’s abandoned her film career to return to dancing.

Good Lord, this was silly.  To its credit, it was meant to be silly.  None of the dialogue was meant to be taken seriously and the actors were all clearly in on the joke.  But, ultimately, that disembodied leg was just too utterly ridiculous for the story to work.  I applaud this episode for laughing at itself but I just wish it had been a little better executed.  Add to that, for an episode about dancers, we didn’t get to see nearly enough dancing.  Sorry, the hopping leg doesn’t count.

Next week …. Tori Spelling guest stars!  We’ll see how that goes.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 3.27 “Invisible Maniac/September Song/Peekaboo”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat has a very special passengers!

Episode 3.27 “Invisible Maniac/September Song/Peekaboo”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on April 19th, 1980)

This week, the pop cultural stars align as a young David Hasselhoff boards the Love Boat!

Hasselhoff plays Tom Bell, a 20-something attorney who is dating a 30-something attorney named Cathy (Shelley Fabares).  Cathy insists that they keep their romance a secret due to the age difference.  She doesn’t want people to think that she’s a cradle robber or an older woman with a gigolo.  (Cathy might also want to consider that she’s a senior partner at the firm while Tom is just a junior partner.)  Tom doesn’t care about the age difference.  In fact, he wants to marry Cathy!

And yes, they do eventually get married.  Tom even has his grandparents waiting for them when the boat docks in Los Angeles so that they can act as witnesses.  There’s not really any suspense as to whether or not Tom and Cathy will end up married because this is The Love Boat, the show that combined the swinging culture of the 70s with the morality of the 50s.  The Hoff is his usual dramatic but self-aware self while Shelley Fabares is endlessly likable.  They’re a cute couple and, minor age difference aside, they just look like they belong together.  It was a sweet story.

As for the other passengers:

Fay Piermont (Peggy Cass) is married to Bill (Gordon Jump).  Bill’s a nice guy but Fay fears that they’ve become a boring couple.  She wants to be an exciting couple and she’s figured out that the way to do this is to get a makeover, buy a new wardrobe, and then toss her glasses and all of her frumpy clothes overboard.  (At first, both Julie and Vicki are worried that Fay is planning on throwing herself overboard.  One would think that would be cause for ship-wide alarm but Julie and Vicki just check on Fay occasionally to make sure she’s still alive.)  At first, Bill is freaked out by Fay’s new attitude but, eventually, he comes to accept it and Fay comes to realize that she loves Bill, even if he is a bit reserved.  This is the type of story that The Love Boat did frequently.  Fay and Bill are a nice couple, even if they’re no Tom and Cathy.

Finally, Isaac is reunited with a former high school classmate, a model named Janet (BernNadette Stanis).  Janet is upset that her husband (Clifton Davis) is more into sports than romance so she tries to make him jealous by lying about what a womanizer Isaac was in high school.  Gopher overhears and tells Isaac that Janet referred to him as being “all hands” in high school.  Now, most people would understand that Janet was just trying to make her husband jealous but Isaac somehow becomes convinced that he is a womanizer but he just can’t remember his actions because he suffers from dissociative identity disorder and he even goes to Doc Bricker for help!  Why would Isaac believe that?  It makes no sense that Isaac — cool, calm Isaac — would suddenly be so stupid.  This is something that would happen to Gopher not Isaac.

That one silly storyline aside, this was a pleasant cruise on The Love Boat.  I’m glad things worked out for Tom and Cathy.  Seriously, the world is so lucky to have The Hoff.

Scenes That I Love: Ernest Borgnine Yells In The Poseidon Adventure


Ernest Borgnine, that great character actor, was born 104 years ago today.  In tribute, today’s scene that I love comes from one of my favorite Borgnine films, 1972’s The Poseidon Adventure.

Borgnine was a great yeller and, in The Poseidon Adventure, he even manages to outyell the great Gene Hackman.

The Online Film Critics Society Honors Oppenheimer


The Oscar nominations were not the only thing announced yesterday!  The Online Film Critics Society also announced their picks for best of 2023.

The winners are listed in bold.

Best Picture
Anatomy of a Fall
Asteroid City
Barbie
The Holdovers
Killers of the Flower Moon
May December
Oppenheimer
Past Lives
Poor Things
The Zone of Interest

Best Animated Feature
The Boy and the Heron
Nimona
Robot Dreams
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Best Director
Christopher Nolan – Oppenheimer
Greta Gerwig – Barbie
Yorgos Lanthimos – Poor Things
Martin Scorsese – Killers of the Flower Moon
Celine Song – Past Lives

Best Lead Actor
Leonardo DiCaprio – Killers of the Flower Moon
Paul Giamatti – The Holdovers
Cillian Murphy – Oppenheimer
Andrew Scott – All of Us Strangers
Jeffrey Wright – American Fiction

Best Lead Actress
Lily Gladstone – Killers of the Flower Moon
Sandra Hüller – Anatomy of a Fall
Greta Lee – Past Lives
Margot Robbie – Barbie
Emma Stone – Poor Things

Best Supporting Actor
Robert De Niro – Killers of the Flower Moon
Robert Downey Jr. – Oppenheimer
Ryan Gosling – Barbie
Charles Melton – May December
Mark Ruffalo – Poor Things

Best Supporting Actress
Emily Blunt – Oppenheimer
Danielle Brooks – The Color Purple
Rachel McAdams – Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Julianne Moore – May December
Da’Vine Joy Randolph – The Holdovers

Best Original Screenplay
Anatomy of a Fall
Barbie
The Holdovers
May December
Past Lives

Best Adapted Screenplay
American Fiction
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
The Zone of Interest

Best Editing
Anatomy of a Fall
Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Best Cinematography
Asteroid City
Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Best Original Score
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
The Zone of Interest

Best Production Design
Asteroid City
Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Best Costume Design
Asteroid City
Barbie
Killers of the Flower Moon
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Best Visual Effects
The Creator
Godzilla Minus One
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Best Debut Feature
Raven Jackson – All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt
Cord Jefferson – American Fiction
Danny Philippou, Michael Philippou – Talk to Me
A.V. Rockwell – A Thousand and One
Celine Song – Past Lives

Best Film Not in the English Language
Anatomy of a Fall
Fallen Leaves
Godzilla Minus One
Perfect Days
The Zone of Interest

Best Documentary Feature
20 Days in Mariupol
American Symphony
Beyond Utopia
Kokomo City
Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie