Coleen Maloney | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing SLEDGE HAMMER!, a cop comedy which ran on ABC from 1986 to 1988. The entire series can be found on Prime!

This week, the liberal media comes after Sledge Hammer!

Episode 1.2 “Hammer Gets Nailed”

(Dir by Charles Braverman, originally aired on September 26th, 1986)

“HAMMER!” shouts Lt. Trunk as the episode begins.

Trunk is concerned because nosy news reporter Phil Gumm (Ronnie Schell) wants to do a ride along with Sledge Hammer. The Mayor is thinking about laying off a large percentage of the force. (I guess he’s not that grateful to the police for finding his daughter.) If Hammer screws up on camera, that’ll give the Mayor the excuse that he needs. Doreau is assigned to keep Hammer out of trouble.

So, of course, Hammer screws everything up. After forcing a convenience store thief to eat all of the store’s expired food, Hammer gets into a high-speed chase and crashes his car. Phil Gumm ends up with broken arms and a bad attitude. The Mayor promptly starts laying people off …. including Sledge Hammer!

Hammer gets a job as a crossing guard. (He even continues to wear his suit.) However, when a group of terrorists call in a bomb threat, Hammer is the one who heads down to the clock store to try to disarm it. The bomb is ticking. Unfortunately, so is every clock in the store.

“Go Hammer go!” the people watching chant.

“Go bomb go,” Trunk mutters in his office.

Fortunately, Hammer is able to find and disarm the bomb. The store is saved and so is Hammer’s job.

Yay!

This episode wasn’t quite as funny as last week but it still had plenty of laughs. David Rasche delivers his berserk lines with so much earnestness that they actually start to make a strange sort of sense. When Hammer stepped into the store and saw every clock ticking back and forth, I laughed harder than I’ve laughed in a while.

The important thing is that Hammer outsmarted the media.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

For this week’s rather sad episode, Jonathan confronts a reverend who has lost his way.

Episode 1.18 “A Child of God”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 6th, 1985)

After spending years away, Marsha Stearns (Coleen Maloney) has returned home. She wants her parents, Sarah Stearns (Patricia Smith) and Rev. David Stearns (William Window), to take care of her young daughter, Amy (Natalie Gregory). The Reverend Stearns wants nothing to do with Marsha or his granddaughter because Amy was born out of wedlock. He considers Marsha to be an embarrassment to his church and a sinner who cannot be forgiven.

(Yikes! It looks like Rev. Stearns kind of missed all of the important stuff dealing with forgiveness. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.” That’s Luke 6:37.)

What neither the Reverend nor his wife knows is that Marsha is terminally ill and only has a few weeks to live. However, Marsha’s new neighbor — Jonathan Smith — does know and he confronts the Reverend and rather forcefully denounces him until Reverend Stearns forgives her daughter and visits her in the hospital right before she dies.

This was a pretty sad episode and it did bring some tears to my eyes, largely because it made me think about my mom. That said, the most interesting thing about this episode was how angry Jonathan got at Reverend Stearns and his unforgiving attitude. For the past 17 episodes, Jonathan has been a mellow and peaceful angel who has always recognized that everyone has some good in them. But in this episode, when he confronts the Reverend, there is no way not to notice that Jonathan is truly pissed off. For once, Jonathan doesn’t even hide the fact that he’s an angel. He wants Rev. Stearns to know that he’s in trouble with Jonathan’s boss. And really, it makes sense. Why wouldn’t Jonathan be especially angry at a reverend who is failing in his duties? He and Jonathan both work for the same company and Jonathan obviously sees the Reverend’s attitude as being a personal insult. Jonathan is working hard and Rev. Stearns is screwing everything up.

Rev. Stearns does learn his lesson and embraces humility, though that doesn’t make up for all of the years that he refused to even acknowledge his granddaughter’s existence. The episode ends with him giving a rather lengthy sermon, in which he suggests that maybe he got to hung up on the whole idea of condemning sin when he should have been focusing on loving everyone. It’s a bit of a dull ending. William Windom has the right look for the role but, whenever he has to pretend to preach, he comes across as being a bit dry and stiff. Fortunately, Coleen Maloney is much more convincing and poignant as his estranged daughter.

Next week …. Scotty returns!