October Positivity: To Hell and Back (dir by Christine Swanson)

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Book of Job is a bit of a Biblical Rorschach test.

Job is a prosperous man who always obeys and give thanks to God. The Devil claims that Job’s faith is only due to the fact that he’s successful and has a large family. The Devil boasts that, if he’s allowed to ruin Job’s life, Job will respond by cursing the name of God. Instead of asking the Devil what he’s doing outside of Hell, God says, “Go ahead, just don’t kill him.” The Devil kills Job’s family. The Devil kills all of Job’s servants. The Devil takes away all of Job’s wealth and afflicts Job with terrible sores. Job’s friends tell Job that he should blame and reject God but, because Job refuses to do so, he is rewarded with a new family and even more servants.

Some people look at the story of Job and they see it as being a story about the importance of having faith, even in the most troubling of times. Job refuses to surrender his faith and he is rewarded. Even though Job cannot understand why bad things are happening to him, he refuses to surrender to despair and anger and puts his faith in the idea that God has a plan.

Others look at this story and see Job as a pawn in some private game between God and the Devil. Job keeps his faith and is ultimately rewarded but his family and his servants still all die. Job may be rewarded but why should he have to suffer just to prove a point to the Devil? Indeed, what is the Devil doing in Heaven, debating with God in the first place. I mean, the Devil got kicked out of that place. He’s in Hell for a reason.

The 2015 film, To Hell and Back, is a modern-day retelling of the Book of Job. Joe (Ernie Hudson) is a successful businessman, a man who built his company up from nothing and who now lives in a mansion with his wife (Vanessa Bell Calloway) and his five children. Joe gives money to worthy causes and he is never without his Bible. God and the Devil are heard in voice-over, debating the sincerity of Joe’s faith. God agrees to allow Joe to be tested. One tragedy after another befalls Joe and his family. One son is killed during a burglary. One daughter commits suicide. A car crash leaves another daughter dead and another son in a wheelchair. Joe’s company is driven into bankruptcy by a lawsuit while the last of Joe’s sons leaves to start his own company. Abandoned by even his wife, Joe grows ill and soon finds himself homebound.

Even if the film leaves us wondering why God would hurt someone just to prove a point, To Hell and Back is a well-directed and well-acted film. Ernie Hudson gives a heart-breaking performance as Joe, a man who always tries to do the right thing and is basically punished at every single turn. Joe definitely deserves better than to just be a pawn in a cosmic waver but at least Ernie Hudson gets a chance to show off what a good actor he can truly be.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Gun 1.3 “Columbus Day”

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Gun, an anthology series that ran on ABC for six week in 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gun welcomes …. JAMES GANDOLFINI!

Episode 1.3 “Columbus Day”

(Dir by James Steven Sadwith, originally aired on May 3rd, 1997)

The third episode of Gun does indeed features James Gandolfini. Gandolfini play Walter Difideli, who seems to have quite a bit in common with Gandolfini’s best-known character. Like Tony Soprano, Walter is proud of his Italian heritage, loudly discussing the superiority of men like Amerigo Vespucci and Christopher Columbus. Walter makes it a point to stay home on Columbus Day so that he can properly celebrate. Like Tony, Walter boasts about how he will always take care of his family and he also has something of a quick temper. And, like Tony, Walter keeps a gun around the house.

However, there are a few differences as well. For one thing, Walter is firmly on the side of law and order. Unlike Tony, who lived in a mansion and never worried about the legality of his activities. Walter is very honest and, as a result, he and his family live in a crappy apartment. Another big difference between Walter and Tony is that, while Tony always had a mistress, Walter is loyal to his wife, Lilly (Rosanna Arquette). Walter is not one to cheat. The only cheating in the marriage is done by his wife.

Walter works for TSA at an airport. One day, he helps to chase down a terrorist. Before the terrorist is captured, he tosses his gun — the Gun of the show’s title — into a janitor’s cart. When the janitor later comes across the gun, he sells it to Walter for $50.

Walter wants Lilly to have a gun because he’s taking an extra job at night so that he can raise enough money to afford ballet lessons for their daughter and an engagement ring for his wife. (When they were engaged, he could never afford to get her a ring.) Lilly is unhappy about Walter refusing to let her work and instead expecting her to spend all of her time around the apartment. But then Lilly meets one of her neighbors, a writer named Jack Keyes (Peter Horton). Soon, she and Jack are having a passionate affair, one that inspires Jack to write a less-than-flattering shorty story called The Tryst.

Meanwhile, the terrorist’s collaborator wants to get the gun back and, after he finds out that Walter has it, he starts harassing Walter at work and later at his apartment. The nervous Walter starts to carry around the gun with him. When Lilly, upset over Jack’s short story, deletes all of his files from his laptop, the angry Jack goes down to Lilly’s apartment and kicks open the door. What he doesn’t know is that Walter is waiting on the other side of the door, with his gun. Jack ends up dead. Walter is declared a hero for protecting his home. Lilly submits Jack’s short story under her name and it gets published. And the terrorist …. well, he’s just kind of forgotten about.

This was an unsatisfying episode, one that ended with a few too many loose ends still dangling. (At one point, it’s revealed that Jack secretly films his encounters with Lilly but it’s one of those plot points that goes nowhere.) An even bigger problem was that there really wasn’t anyone in this episode who seemed worthy of being the center of a story. Walter was a hopelessly naïve blowhard. Lilly cheated on her devoted husband and never appeared to feel the least bit of guilt about it, even after Walter gunned down her lover. Jack was a jerk but it’s hard not to feel that he deserved better than to have his life’s work deleted by the whiny Lilly. The performances were all good but none of the characters seemed to be worth the effort.

Still, for James Ganolfini fans, this episode does provide a bit of a dry run for Gandolfini’s legendary performance as Tony Soprano. Imagine a world where Tony is a complete dunce and you’ll probably come up with this episode of Gun.

AMV of the Day: Don’t Let Me Down (High School of the Dead)

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

We’re halfway through October. How about a High School AMV of the Day to mark the occasion?

Song: Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers, featuring Daya

Anime: High School of the Dead

Creator: Soapy Balls

Past AMVs of the Day

October Hacks: The Redeemer (dir by Constantine S. Gochis)

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

A truly odd film that was first released in 1978, The Redeemer opens with a young boy named Christopher (Christopher Flint) emerging from a country lake, fully clothes and also completely dry. Christopher walks to a road, where he’s picked up by a church bus. He’s dropped off at the church, where he sings in the choir and then listens as a preacher (T.G. Finkbinder) delivers a fire-and-brimstone message about the nature of sin and how six 1967 graduates of a nearby abandoned high school have all grown up to live a life of nonstop sin.

Those six graduates all receive invitations to a reunion at the old high school but, when they arrive, they discover that, with the exception of a janitor, they’re the only ones there. The janitor allows them to enter the high school and to celebrate their mini-reunion. Of course, it’s not long before one of the graduates stumbles upon the rotting, maggot-covered corpse of the real janitor.

The Redeemer of the title has invited the six graduates back to the school specifically so he can kill them as a way to punish them for representing what he considers to be the sins of the world. John Sinclair (Damien Knight) is a criminal defense attorney who will defend anyone as long as the price is right. Terry (Nick Carter) is a lazy mooch who still doesn’t have a real job. Roger (Michael Hollingsworth) is an impossibly vain actor. Jane (Nikki Barthen) is a superficial, upper class housewife. Cindy (Jeanetta Arnette) is still too busy partying to grow up. And finally, Kirsten (Gyr Patterson) coldly refuses her girlfriend’s request to attend the reunion with her because she doesn’t want her former classmates to know that she’s a lesbian. The six of them find themselves being pursued by a killer who can apparently change his appearance at will, going from being the janitor to a seemingly friendly hunter to even a clown. This is definitely not a film to watch if you have a thing about clowns.

As I said at the start of this review, The Redeemer is a bit of an odd film. On the one hand, it’s a slasher film, complete with the usual collection of victims, a masked killer, and an isolated location. On the other hand, because it was released the same year as Halloween and before the success of films like Friday the 13th defined the rules of the genre, The Redeemer is a bit different than some of the other slashers of the era.

For one thing, the killer is considerably less quippy than some of the slasher killer who would follow. There are no snappy one-liners in The Redeemer. Instead, the killer spends most of his time ranting about “avarice, lust, decadence” and everything else that he considers to be a sin. Compared to the slasher film that followed, The Redeemer is a grim film, one that offers little in the way of deliberate humor and next-to-no-hope for the prospect of a final girl who will somehow get the upper hand on the killer. If other slasher films were defined by the stupidity of their victims, the unfortunate people in The Redeemer die not because they were stupid but because this is a film that offers up absolutely no chance of survival. It’s a dark and ominous film, with the a supernatural element giving the film a surreal edge. It’s a film that requires a bit of patience on the part of the viewer, especially since the opening few minutes are so disjointed that it’s next to impossible to know what’s really going on. But the kills are memorable and the acting is adequate, particularly when compared to some of the other low-budget, indie horror films of the era. The Redeemer is a memorable villain. Horror fans will find much to enjoy here, even if they’ll also probably find plenty of things that will leave them scratching their head.

As was often the case with films like this, The Redeemer was released under several different titles. It’s also known as Son of Satan, which I guess is a reference to the mysterious Christopher emerging from that lake. Finally, The Redeemer has been released on video under the title Class Reunion Massacre. Personally, I prefer The Redeemer as the film’s title. As a title, it’s enigmatic …. just like the film itself.

Congratulations To The Phillies On Winning Game 2 of the NLCS!

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Dazzling Erin

Once again, I have to say congratulations to the Phillies for their decisive victory in the NLCS! They just won game 2, defeating the Diamondbacks by a score of 0-10! Almost every hit that the Phillies got led to a run. That’s pretty amazing and, if you’re a Phillies fan, you have a lot of reasons to be happy. Of course, if you’re hoping that your team will be the one to beat the Phillies in the World Series, that 0-10 final is scary to even think about.

Tomorrow, the Rangers face off against the Astros in Arlington. Go Rangers!

Horror On TV: The Hitchhiker 5.17 “Coach” (dir by Eric Till)

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker, a track coach (Charles Haid) is freaking out over the prospect of his son (Jonathan Crombie) breaking his 25 year-old track record. The coach ends up taking things to extreme to try to preserve his record.

This episode features a ferocious performance from Charles Haid, who plays the coach as every high school student’s worst nightmare. This episode has a lot to say about both the strange rituals of athletic competitiveness and how some people are so scared of getting old that they’ll go to any extreme to hold on to their accomplishments of youth.

The episode aired on September 30th, 1989.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #226: Double Threat (dir by Shane Stanley)

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the 2022’s action film, Double Threat!

Why Was I Watching It?

I attended two watch parties on Monday and Double Threat was the second feature. Jeff, Leonard, and I watched Double Threat with out friends Brad and Sierra and a few others. Sierra was the one who recommended the film, having seen it while at work the previous week. It was a fun night! We enjoy watching movies together.

What Was It About?

Natalie (Danielle C. Ryan) has a job at a huge convenience store that is sitting in the middle of nowhere. She does a good job working at the place, though her only regular customer is just an old man who enjoys asking Natalie to climb a ladder for him.

When an army of gunmen show up looking to kill Natalie, Natalie slips into her second personality of Natasha and goes on the run with a mild-mannered guy named Jimmy (Matthew Lawrence) who just happened to be in the store at the wrong time. As Nat explains it to Jimmy, the convenience store was actually a front of the mob and Natasha (but not Natalie) was skimming money. So now, the entire mob is looking to kill her. Meanwhile, Jimmy just wants to make it to the coast so that he can spread the ashes of his dead brother. (Awwwwwww!)

Heading up the search for Nat is Ask (Dawn Oliveri) and Ellis (Kevin Joy). Ellis is the son of a mob boss and he’s eager to prove that he’s more than just the boss’s son. However, he’s also Natasha’s former boyfriend and, whenever he has a chance to shoot her, he tends to instead start demanding to know why they broke up. No wonder Ask keeps getting frustrated!

What Worked?

Danielle C. Ryan did a good job playing both Natalie and Natasha and she had very likable chemistry with Matthew Laurence. They made for a natural couple and I did find myself really hoping that things would work out for the two of them.

Most of the action took place in the country. I’m a city girl at heart but I do still have a soft spot for the natural, undeveloped corners of America and this film provided a lot of nice scenery.

What Did Not Work?

The plot was a bit too overly complicated. To be honest, I think the film would have worked just as fine (and would probably have flowed a bit better) if it had abandoned the whole idea of Nat having multiple personalities and had instead just had her be a badass who happened to work at a convenience store.

While I did occasionally laugh at Ellis’s inability to corner Natasha without demanding to know why she had dumped him, the scenes with Ellis and Ask got a bit repetitive.

“Oh my God! Just Like Me!” Moments

Nat and I definitely have the same philosophy when it comes to driving. Of course, Nat had the excuse that she had a bunch of mob assassins after her. I just like to drive fast.

Lessons Learned

Never accept a job working at a mob front. Not only do you have like absolutely no job security but apparently, you’ll end up having to run the entire store by yourself.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Crypt of Dark Secrets (dir by Jack Weis)

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1976’s Crypt of Dark Secrets is yet another low-budget horror film that takes place in the bayous of Louisiana.

Seriously, what is it about the bayous that seems to attract the darker side of everyone’s imagination? I’ve been to the Louisiana bayous and …. well, actually they are pretty creepy. I guess if you were going to make a horror movie, the Louisiana bayou would be a good place to film. It’s not like you have to spend a lot of money trying to create atmosphere or anything like that. That bayous have got their own built in, free atmosphere. You just have to start filming.

Anyway, Crypt of Dark Secrets does not feature a crypt but it does feature an island that’s sitting in the middle of the Louisiana swamp. There are many legends about the island, with the locals saying that it’s protected by voodoo and “the ghosts of Aztec priests.” There is always a fog on the island, regardless of how hot or otherwise sunny the day may be. And there’s always a cool breeze in the middle of the fog.

There’s also a black snake that is often seen swimming in the water around the island. Whenever the snake slithers onto the land, it turns into Damballa (Maureen Ridley), a swamp witch who is apparently at least a century old. She protects the island and she has the power to not only conjure quicksand but to also raise the dead. She also knows where a pirate’s treasure has been buried on the island but she’s certainly not going to let anyone find it.

Damballa has fallen for the island’s latest resident, a Vietnam vet named Ted Watkins (Ronald Tanet), who just wants the world to leave him alone. He lives in a small house on the island and he refuses to keep his money in the bank, despite the fact that his military pension has made him a very wealthy man. When three local losers, Max (Harry Uher), Earl (Butch Benit), and Louise (Barbara Hagerty), overhear that Ted keeps all of his money in a breadbox, they decide to pay him a visit and take that money for themselves. Ted ends up dead and Max and Earl are shocked to discover that money is now covered with blood and basically useless to them.

Damballa does a naked dance over Ted’s body, which brings Ted back to life. Despite Ted telling Damballa that he isn’t interested in vengeance and that he decided to leave hate and violence behind when he got out of Vietnam, Damballa teams up with the local voodoo priestess to get revenge on the three thieves. As Damballa explains it, evil has to be punished.

Ted’s status as Vietnam vet adds an interesting subtext to Crypt of Dark Secrets. During the same year that Taxi Driver was solidifying the image of the crazed Vietnam vet in the minds of many American filmgoers, Crypt of Dark Secrets featured a vet who just wants to be left alone to his own devices and who has no desire for further violence. Indeed, for a film that centers around vengeance, Ted is remarkably forgiving.

As for the film itself, it’s fairly slow but, having been shot on location in Louisiana, it’s got a lot of authentic swamp atmosphere and its portrayal of voodoo is an interesting one. (Voodoo, the film suggests, is the way that unwritten laws are enforced in the swamp.) The performance are a mixed bag, with Ronald Tanet giving a convincing performance as Ted while Maureen Ridley delivers her lines in a strangely formal fashion that doesn’t feel right for her swamp witch character. The actors playing the thieves are all convincing, as are the actors playing the inevitably portly Southern cops.

Crypt of Dark Secrets is flawed but it gets by on atmosphere.

Demonoid (1981, directed by Alfredo Zacarias)

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

Demonoid has a great title and it had a good one sheet but don’t be fooled. The sword-wielding devil is barely in the move and the women at his feet may have appeared on the cover of every heavy metal album in the 80s but they’re not in the movie.

Exploring a recently uncovered tomb in Mexico, Jennifer (Samantha Eggar) and Mark Baines (Roy Jenson) are intrigued by a number of bodies that are missing their left hand. Their guide explains that, centuries ago, men, women, and children were sacrificed to the Devil by having their left hands cut off. When Mark and Jennifer discover a casket with a severed hand, they decide to take it back to the hotel with them. Of course, the hand is not dead. It springs from its casket and possesses Mark. This leads to Mark fleeing back to the United States, trying to find a way to get rid of his possessed hand. Unfortunately, the hand has a mind of its own and, even after Mark ends up getting set on fire, the hand continues to live and possess one person after another. Jennifer teams up with Father Cunningham (Stuart Whitman), trying to bring an end to the hand’s reign of terror and giving the audience a chance to wonder how these two actors went from being Oscar nominees to co-starring in Demonoid.

Demonoid is a strange film that starts out as a leisurely travelogue of Mexico and then suddenly turn into a cinematic Grand Guignol, with person after person trying to figure out how to chop off their left hand without doing permanent damage to themselves. Because the hand is immortal, it has no problem trying to kill whoever it is currently attached to, which leads to not only several scenes of actors fighting with themselves but also several detached hands running across the screen. A detached but moving hand is creepy the first time you see it but it becomes progressively less so the more time that you spend with it. The plot is ridiculous enough to be initially intriguing but ultimately, Demonoid is a handsy bore.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.19 “The Swinger/Terrors of the Mind”

Posted on October 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Fantasy Island swings!

Episode 3.19 “The Swinger/Terrors of the Mind”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on February 9th, 1980)

This week, we have one fun fantasy and one fantasy that’s a bit less interesting.

The less interesting fantasy features Herman Dodge (Howard Morris), a middle-aged man who is upset because he feels that he was too old to take part in the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s. Having just gotten a divorce from Maxine (Anne Francis), Herman comes to the Island with his best friend, Stan (Jack Carter). Herman wants to be a swinger so Mr. Roarke makes him look a few years younger and then he takes him to the “Fantasy Island Mariana, where all the swingers hang out.”

Looks like a happening place!

Herman is soon the most popular guy at the marina and he even has a new girlfriend named Peggy (Judy Landers). Unfortunately, Duke (Lou Richards) and his friend, Hot Dog (Ed Ruffalo), are threatened by Herman’s sudden popularity. Herman is challenged to various “water sports,” (yes, I snickered) and Herman manages to hold his own but he’s not sure if he’ll be able to jump over a speedboat while on skis. Fortunately, Maxine shows up on the Island and Herman realizes that he not only loves her but he also enjoys being a part of the older, more conservative generation.

It’s a typical Fantasy Island fantasy, designed to appeal to the older viewers who weren’t sure what was going on with those wild and crazy kids. It was okay but it wasn’t particularly interesting.

Far more interesting was the other fantasy, in which Sharon Sanders (Lisa Hartman) comes to the Island from a small town and asks to be given the chance to see the future. Mr. Roarke gives her a diamond ring. When she concentrates on the diamond, she gets a vision of the future. Her first vision is of Martin Ward (Frankie Avalon) getting run over by a drunk driver. Sharon saves Martin’s life and the two of them fall in love. The Fantasy Island casino makes one of its rare appearances as Sharon uses the ring to win a lot of money at Roulette. But then Sharon sees a vision of an older man (Stephen McNally) strangling her and the fantasy is no longer fun.

Sharon wants to leave the Island and end her fantasy. Mr. Roarke replies that he cannot cancel a fantasy once it has begun, despite the fact that he’s done or offered to do that many times in the past for other guests. (I sometimes suspect that Mr. Roarke makes things up as he goes along.)

Anyway, the older man turns out to be the owner of the casino. He wants to murder Sharon because he can’t afford to pay her gambling winnings. Fortunately, when he does attack Sharon, Martin pops up out of nowhere and saves her life. Yay!

(So, I guess the casino is going to be closed now? And I thought Mr. Roarke owned the casino. Who knows? The Island is a confusing place.)

Sharon, having learned that the world is a dangerous place, returns to her hometown with Martin. Martin says they’re going to settle down together. Mr. Roarke says that he hopes Sharon has learned a lesson about taking fate into her own hands and not worrying about what the future holds, which doesn’t make much sense considering that Sharon’s future would have included being murdered if she hadn’t worried about it.

Though the fantasy becomes less logical the more I think about it, it was still an enjoyable one. Lisa Hartman and Frankie Avalon had a surprising amount of chemistry and the scene where the killer chased Sharon into a cemetery was well-done. I’m just happy that Martin was there to save Sharon, as opposed to hanging out at the Fantasy Island Marina.

That’s where all the swingers hang out, you know.