Since we are entering the Labor Day weekend, this seems like a good time to share a blast from the past that comes us all the way from 1947.
In The Secretary’s Day, viewers are told and shown what it takes to be a secretary. Do you know how to take dictation? Do you know how to carefully open up letters? Do you know how to be courteous to random people who wander into the office? More importantly, do you know how to make sure that Marge the Stenographer never gets into her head to try to seal your job away from you?
I watched this short film with a bit more interest than usual because I actually have worked as an administrative assistant in the past. Watching the film’s lead character obsess over her desk calendar brought back some memories but I think that just has more to do with the fact that I’m obsessed with calendars than anything else. To me, the main message of this film seemed to be, “A secretary’s day is pretty dull but at least she can bully the stenographer.”
Anyway, here’s a trip back to 1947! The war is over, the Great Depression was now a memory, and Americans, flush with victory, were looking for jobs! Check out The Secretary’s Day!
The 1992 film, Project Shadowchaser, takes place in the near future. It’s a time when cyborgs are a common sight and criminals are frozen and sent to a cryogenic prison. At the same time, it’s close enough to the present that the FBI is still America’s main law enforcement agency and the President is still a powerful enough figure that terrorists would want to abduct his daughter. It’s also close enough to the present that terrorists are still learning how to do their job from watching Die Hard.
Romulus (Frank Zagarino) is a cyborg who takes a hospital hostage, all to track down the president’s daughter, Sarah (Meg Foster). The FBI feels that only the hospital’s architect, Mr. Dixon, can figure out the best way for the FBI’s strike force to enter the hospital. Unfortunately, Mr. Dixon broke the law and has been put on deep freeze. When the stoner who runs the cryogenic prison is told to thaw out Mr. Dixon, he screws up and accidentally unfreezes DeSilva (Martin Kove), a former football quarterback.
Knowing a good thing when he sees it, DeSilva pretends to be Dixon but, once he and the strike force enter the building, it become apparent that DeSilva/Dixon has no idea what he’s talking about. All of the members of the strike force are killed when an elevator explodes. Only DeSilva survives and now, whether he wants to or not, he’s going to have to battle the terrorists and save the President’s daughter! It’s a good thing that she’s a football fan.
What a dumb movie this turned out to be! Seriously, you can add all of the sci-fi elements to your Die Hard rip-off that you want to, a Die Hard rip-off is still a Die Hard rip-off and it’s hard to think of any other film (with the possible exception of No Contest) that so slavishly follows the Die Hard formula. There’s nothing particularly surprising to be found in Project Shadowchaser. The minute that Kinderman (Joss Ackland) shows up and declares that he’s taking over the operation from FBI agent Trevanian (Paul Koslo), it’s obvious that he’s going to turn out to be the one behind Romulus’s actions. And from the minute that DeSilva meets Sarah, it’s obvious that they’re destined to fall in love.
I like Martin Kove on Cobra Kai and Kove brings a similar self-awareness to his role as DeSilva. At times, Kove appears to almost be winking at the audience, as if he’s saying, “Hey, I can’t believe I’m in this movie either. What are you going to do?” Unfortunately, Kove often seems to be the only person in the film who is really in on the joke. Needless to say, Project Shadowchaser is no Cobra Kai.
That said, I did appreciate the fact that the film’s entire plot hinged on a government employee accidentally unfreezing the wrong guy. As a portrait of bureaucratic incompetence, Project Shadowchaser works perfectly. I mean, let’s be honest. If there ever was a cryogenic prison, the wrong people would probably be getting unfrozen all the time. No one’s going to keep track of who is in which pod.
Let’s welcome the month of September with an AMV of the Day. Personally, I can’t wait for September to end because we’ve got our annual October horrorthon coming up! Unfortunately, I can’t sleep through September because I’m going to be busy getting everything ready for the best time of the year!
Anime: 5cm per second – Tokyo Magnitude – Angel Beats – K-on!! – Romeo x Juliet – Special-A
Song: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day
Creator: Kotonex3 (as always, please consider subscribing to the creator’s channel. A lot of hard work goes into making an amv!)
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, we meet T.S. Turner’s family!
Episode 1.7 “The Silver Angel”
(Dir by Donald Shebib, originally aired on February 22nd, 1988)
“In this episode,” Mr. T informs us, “Amy and I get mixed up with a modern day Robin Hood and we are forced to recruit some heavyweight help.”
The Silver Angel is a silver-clad trumpet player who has been going to a high-priced grocery store, filling his cart with food, and then running off with the cart and not paying. The police that think that they have finally arrested him. However, the man that they caught is Duffy (Edward Atienza), an elderly crossing guard who doesn’t even seem to know what’s happening to him. Amy is assigned to his case.
T.S., however, has other things to worry about. As he explains to gym owner Decker, his nephew is a member of a rap group known as The Fat Boys and, as you might guess from their name, they’re a bit overweight. Their manager wants The Fat Boys to lose a few pounds before their next tour and who better to oversee their diet than T.S. and his friend Decker? The Fat Boys show up at the gym and it’s time for an exercise montage!
Anyway, it soon becomes apparent that Duffy is not as senile and frail as he appears to be and he actually is the Silver Angel. Amy discovers that Duffy has been taking the stolen food to a homeless shelter.
“It’s still a crime,” T.S. says.
“I know. It looks like I’m going to lose this case!” Amy declares, as if she’s the first attorney to ever defend someone who was guilty. One would think that Amy would understand that the job of a defense attorney is to serve as an advocate for their client and to help them make their way through the legal system. The question of whether or not the guy is actually guilty really isn’t the issue that she should be concerning herself with.
The Fat Boys, overhearing Amy and T.S.’s conversation, decide that they need to help the Silver Angel. “My mind is clear,” one of the Fat Boys says, “so you stay right here!” Did I mention that the Fat Boys rap all of their dialogue? “I went downtown to get this stuff,” another Fat Boy declares as they collect food to give to the homeless, “Come on, brothers, it’s up to us!”
Anyway, Duffy puts on his angel costume once again and shows up at the grocery store. When the store’s manager, Mr. Hanlon (Sam Moses), orders security to catch the Angel, the Fat Boys suddenly show up in angel costumes and it leads to a chase scene throughout the store.
T.S. brings the chase to a close by grabbing Mr. Hanlon, lifting him up and carrying him around the store. T.S. tossed Mr. Hanlon into a display of eggs and declares, “Sorry, brother! Nobody touches an angel!”
How about a thief? Are they allowed to touch a thief?
Anyway, for some reason, Hanlon drops the charges so I guess Duffy gets away with his crimes and Amy maintains her perfect acquittal record.
This was dumb. Grocery store owners don’t owe you a thing and, by stealing all of that food, the only thing Duffy did was probably cost everyone their Christmas bonus. I mean, is there a reason why he couldn’t buy food and then take it to the homeless shelter? Some hero. More like the Silver Jackass, am I right? Let’s move on.
Episode 1.8 “And Baby Makes Nine”
(Dir by Harvey Frost, originally aired on February 29th, 1988)
“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy and I find that more than just diapers are dirty when we track down the person responsible for an abandoned baby.”
One of Amy’s clients leaves a baby on the front doorstep on the office, along with a note that says she’ll be back in a few days. As opposed to calling the police or child protective services, Amy gives the baby to T.S. to look after. T.S. takes the baby to the hospital and, after discovering the baby is in perfect health, he takes the baby to Decker’s gym. Amy is not happy when she sees T.S.’s car parked outside the gym. A gym is no place for a child, she declares, not with all the sweaty men around.
“The baby has to learn how to sweat,” Decker replies, “He can’t pant like a dog for all of his life!”
Back at the office, Amy explains that parenting is a little bit more complicated nowadays than it was when T.S. was a child.
“Babies still need to be changed, don’t they?” T.S. replies, “Wow! Look at the great job I did on his diaper!”
Anyway, the baby is actually the son of Henry (Martin Neufeld) and Betty (Joanne Vannicola). Henry made a deal with a corrupt adoption attorney named Mr. Finn (David Calderisi) to sell his son. Not wanting to lose her child, Betty dropped the child off at the law office in the hopes that Amy would know how to stop the adoption. When Henry goes down to the gym to try to grab his son, he is instead grabbed by T.S. Turner. When Turner threatens to sell Henry, Henry asks what he’s talking about.
“We’re talking about baby selling, Henry!” Turner replies, “We’re talking about what type of man would sell his own flesh and blood! What do you think we should do to a father who would sell his own son?”
Turner scares Henry straight and he promises not to sell the baby. Betty forgives him, which is kind of weird.
“It’s people like you,” Amy later hisses at Finn, “who give my profession a bad name.”
And that’s the end of that. This was yet another episode that would have worked better if the story played out of an hour instead of just 30 minutes. As it is, the whole thing felt rather rushed. That said, at least Betty was a more sympathetic client than the Silver Angel jackass.
Next week: T. and T. reminds us that it’s a Canadian show with an episode that is all about hockey!
One of the most popular and financially successful pulp magazines, Adventure Magazine ran from 1910 t0 1971, for a total of 881 issues! That’s 881 covers, all done by some of the best illustrators and artists in the pulp field. I can’t share all 881 of those covers but I can still offer a small but representative sampling of the adventurous covers of Adventure Magazine! As you can see Adventure featured adventures that took place everywhere, including underwater, in the jungle, in war, and during the era of the Old West.
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1990’s Backtrack, an enigmatic thriller starring Jodie Foster, Dean Stockwell, Joe Pesci, John Turturro, Vincent Price, Fred Ward, Charlie Sheen, Tony Sirico, Bob Dylan, and Dennis Hopper (who also directed).
If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
Backtrack is available on Prime and Tubi! See you there!
If you are crying so much that you flood the room, it might be a good idea to take the song’s title to heart. The little girl at the end of the video is played by Ozzy Osbourne’s daughter, Kelly.
This song, which Ozzy has said is actually about a serial killer, was the title track from Osbourne’s 6th solo album. The video was directed by Ralph Ziman, who also did videos for Vanessa Williams, Toni Braxton, Alice Cooper, L.A. Gun, and Faith No More.
Through the Shattered Lens 