I recorded Family Vanished off of the Lifetime Movie Network on July 6th!
“Give me my wedding ring, you white trash bitch!”
— Lisa (Kelly Packard) in Family Vanished (2018)
Here’s two lessons that I learned from Family Vanished:
- Be careful how much information you post online.
Seriously, Lisa (Kelly Packard) thought it would be a good idea to post how much she had sold a painting for online. She also thought it would be a good idea to let the world know that she, her husband (Madison Dirks), and her daughter (Elisa Luthman) would all be in Hawaii on a work vacation.
What happened as a result? Well, Mike (Todd Cahoon), Carol (Jennifer Taylor), and their daughter (Megan Littler) saw Lisa’s posting. And they decided that Lisa and her family must have a lot of money. So, they broke into the family’s house. They lived there for several days. They tried on everyone’s clothes. They slept in everyone’s beds. They made the house their own and, since they never took off their black gloves, they managed to do it without leaving behind any DNA or fingerprint evidence.
Of course, they quickly discovered that Lisa and her family wasn’t as rich as they assumed. In fact, a quick perusal of Lisa’s diary revealed that the family itself wasn’t particularly happy. Still, Mike and Carol were determined to get something for all of their trouble so they stayed in the house until Lisa and the family returned from their vacation.
Second lesson learned:
2. You can only push people so far before they snap.
Sure, Mike and Carol had a lot of fun tormenting Lisa and her family. They revealed that Lisa had been unfaithful. They forced Lisa’s husband to bark like a dog. They taunted Lisa’s daughter for having won so many trophies in school. Mike and Carol had a lot of fun but they failed to consider just how far some people will go to get revenge.
When their initial ordeal finally ended, Lisa and her husband were not happy to learn that the police had no real leads as to where Mike and Carol went off to. So, they decided to investigate on their own. And when they did track down Mike and Carol, well, let’s just say that even the most normal-seeming people can be pushed too far…
So, Family Vanished was a film that I had mixed feelings about. I’m not a huge fan of movies about people being held hostage. Films about hostage situations are always a bit too predictable for me. It always starts with the hostages pleading for their lives and then the nosy neighbor comes over and there’s the big tense scene where the main hostage has to try to get rid of him while someone stands behind the front door with a gun or a knife pointed at his back. The hostage takers always start taunting the hostages. I’ve seen it so many times that I just automatically get bored with the situation.
So, the first half of Family Vanished didn’t do much for me but then Lisa and her husband set out to get revenge and it became this totally different, wonderfully over-the-top movie! I loved watching Kelly Packard and Madison Dirks get mean and vengeful. Kelly Packard has appeared in many Lifetime movies but I think this is the first one where she actually gets to kick some ass and both she and Dirks seemed to be having a lot of fun with the role reversal. Add to that, Mike and Carol were so obnoxiously cruel that it was impossible not to get some guilty pleasure out watching Lisa demanded the return of her wedding ring.
With its theme of a terrible crime leading to an even worse revenge, Family Vanished is what I imagine a Wes Craven-directed Lifetime movie would have been like. It’s Lifetime’s Last House On The Left.