Robert McGinnis has drawn the covers for over 1200 paperback books and has designed 40 film posters, including Breakfast at Tiffany’s and the first of the James Bond films. McGinnis is distinguished by his strong attention to detail and atmosphere. After being in the business for over 50 years, McGinnis is still designing covers for both romance novels and for the Hard Case Crime novel series.
Below are just a few examples of Robert McGinnis’s work:
The Short of It:
While it’s not the greatest story in the world, The Chernobyl Diaries uses one of the best possible locations for a horror setting. The cliches are a dime a dozen and you’ll pretty much forget the characters by the time you walk out of the theatre. The film contains a number of jump scenes, but when you ultimately find out what’s going on, you may be disappointed. It felt like they could have done a little more with it.
The Long Story:
Oren Peli, creator of the Paranormal Activity films, had a hand in writing the story for Chernobyl Diaries, which is interesting when considering that most of his movies so far have been of the found footage variety. While the film starts off looking like it may be entirely found footage, it conveniently changes over to a standard filming setup, which helps the way everything is presented. I’m thankful they went this route, personally. After Chronicle, I’m not sure I could deal with another found footage film.
Chernobyl Diaries centers around six tourists in Russia, who get the divine notion to take an extreme tour through the town of Pripryat, just near the site of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster from the 1980’s. Once they arrive, however, they find that that an armed roadblock keeps them from the city. Undaunted, they locate a back road into town and make their way through, setting up camp for the day. The spend their time walking around the area to take photos and have discussions about what happened here. I’m not sure if the movie was actually filmed in the city, but the landscape did look very good. That may be one of the things that I can take away from this movie that was worth it. The settings definitely worked, even if the actual gore didn’t. After their mode of transport is damaged, they’re left stranded in the area and searching for a way out. That is the entire plot of the film. The characters don’t count (save that two are related), and the mystery behind what happened there is non-existant. It’s simply 6 people dropping themselves in a hellish situation and trying to find their way out.
Again, this is one of the coolest places to stage a horror film. Imagine with the fallout that occurred, something or someone had to be left behind during the evacuations, waiting to attack others. The problem with this is the audience already knows this. After so many of these types of films, you expect something out there. I thought they could have made what existed a bit extreme, but the effects were such standard fare that one might say they’ve seen better in any episode of The Walking Dead. There’s low budget, and then there’s The Blair Witch Project, then your typical Sci-Fi channel weekend flick and then you have Chernobyl Diaries. For a first time director, Bradley Parker does okay with what he has, but it’s nothing terribly awe-inspiring.
That isn’t to say that the movie doesn’t scare. Trying to escape a town in the dark can’t be easy, and there are a few jump moments that had the audience screaming, but by the time the film ended, some complained about wanting to get their money back. Truthfully, I myself had to cover my ears a few times in certain moments, but this really needed more overall.
Watch it if it happens to come on late at night, but really, the film just isn’t worth paying for.
“And who are you, the proud lord said,
that I must bow so low?
Only a cat of a different coat,
that’s all the truth I know.
In a coat of gold or a coat of red,
a lion still has claws,
And mine are long and sharp, my lord,
as long and sharp as yours.
And so he spoke, and so he spoke,
that lord of Castamere,
But now the rains weep o’er his hall,
with no one there to hear.
Yes now the rains weep o’er his hall,
and not a soul to hear.” — The Rains of Castamere
If there’s been a complaint (actually more of a nitpick) from fans of the show in regards to Game of Thrones’ second season it would be that a majority of the episodes this season looked to be cutting corners in terms of budget. The show’s first season was already the most expensive TV series ever and this season things just got more expensive. There was one thing that seemed to have forced the producers of the show into scaling things back for many of the episodes (this season was really about shooting many scenes indoors whether it was inside a castle or tent) and that one thing was tonight’s ninth and penultimate episode of season two: “Blackwater”.
Tonight’s episode is the culmination of everything which has come before it during this season. Sure, we had some machinations that involved Daenerys across the Narrow Sea at Qarth and Jon Snow north of the Wall. Outside of those two subplots which has yet to fully play out this season (most likely extending into season 3), every storyline this second season was about moving the necessary pieces and characters that would affect the outcome of the battle that was going to take place on Blackwater Bay outside King’s Landing. This was a battle that’s been eagerly anticipated by fans of the books. It’s a gamechanger in the novels and after tonight’s episode played out it looks like it also changes the ever shifting dynamics of the tv show.
First things first, all the money being saved by cutting back on outdoor filming during this season looked like it went all in with this episode. Showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss know that they had a great chance of alienating the fans of the books and, most likely, even those of just the show if the most pivotal storyline this season was to be turned into a battle told off-screen and after the fact. No, this battle had to be filmed and done so that it didn’t look cheap. Even writer George R.R. Martin who gave birth to this epic medieval fantasy saga came in to pen tonight’s teleplay in order. The show even decided to go with an outsider to direct tonight’s episode and did they ever hit it out of the park with their choice of veteran genre filmmaker Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers, Descent, Doomsday, Centurion).
“Blackwater” did something this series has never done and that’s focus the entirety of it’s running time to telling the story of just the one location and tonight it was to be King’s Landing and Blackwater Bay. Every episode in this series has jumped from location to location that viewers have had to learn how to expertly track each storyline just to make sense of the show’s overall narrative. Yet, tonight Martin, the showrunners and, most likely, Marshall himself, knew that jumping the episode from location to location wouldn’t be the smartest of ideas. Tonight had to be about this battle and how it furthers the character growth of many characters in the show.
I was surprised at how well the episode depicted the Battle of Blackwater Bay. We can definitely see Martin’s hand in the writing of tonight’s episode as things gradually built-up from the very moment the intro sequence ended and we come to see the invasion fleet Stannis has brought to King’s Landing just moment’s away from seeing the walls of the city. Even this late in the stage of the siege preparations we get to see how terrified everyone seems to be about the coming siege and battle. Everyone seem to be dealing with the prospect of battle in their own unique way. Tyrion spends it with Shae in his quarters with the notion that this time with Shae might be the last he’ll ever have adding a sense of poignancy to their scene.
Tyrion’s partner-in-crime and lord of the Goldcloaks spends it with some of his men at one of the local taverns with many tankards of good brown ale and the warm companionship of the city’s many prostitutes. Bronn may be acting cavalier about the coming battle, but his behavior and those of his men in the tavern doesn’t seem farfetched as we’ve learned through first-hand accounts of soldiers on the eve of battle trying to make the most of what could be their final hours on Earth. Bronn’s behavior is a stark contrast to that of Sandor “The Hound” Clegane who shows up in the very tavern but not with thoughts of a final night’s of debauchery and merrymaking but instead spending time drinking brown ale in silence and a mood that’s telling in how The Hound sees the prospect of victory in the coming battle. Bronn may think the battle is hopeless but he knows well enough not to waste what time he has left brooding and acting like a Debbie-downer like the bigger Hound.
Even Cersei and Sansa get a chance to show how the battle brings out the best and worst in people. The former’s caustic tongue and even more bitter personality comes to the forefront as she drops any sense of pretense of being the courtly Queen’s Regent. She knows exactly that the battle will not be about glory and honor. The battle will be about bloodshed, destruction and, if the defenders lose, the raping and killing of all the women behind the wall’s of King’s Landing. Cersei is prepared to do what is necessary to keep herself, her children and the women from being raped and murdered, but in doing so loses what semblance of loyalty her handmaidens and courtly allies may have had for her. Sansa, on the other hand, still tries to put up a brave front. Maybe it’s a genuine reaction or one she knows she must put up if just to keep the ladies in the Red Keep where she and Cersei have stashed themselves from running in panic.
As a student of military tactics and history tonight’s episode wasn’t cringe-inducing once the battle itself began. Martin does a great job in condensing the tactics and maneuvers he had written in detail in the novel, but could be confusing to the uninitiated. The episode wasn’t too simplified to the point it hand-held the audience through every step and move both sides made. We knew that Tyrion had a surprise waiting for Stannis’ invasion fleet and that it involved the use of the alchemical concoction “wildfire” (the show’s version of that near-legendary weapon that the Eastern Roman Empire used to defend Constantinople for centuries called “Greek Fire”), but we still had no idea just how the surprise would turn out. Even when the single boat silently approached the vanguard fleet led by Ser Davos we still didn’t know how the wildfire would be used. To say that the surprise Tyrion had for the invasion fleet was jaw-dropping would be an understatement. It was a scene that brought to life how the historical battles like the Battle of Red Cliffs, Siege of Antwerp, the Gravelines, the Battle of the Downs, the Battle of Solebay and the Battle of La Hougue must’ve looked like.
Even the amphibious landing that Stannis’ infantry made to start the siege of King’s Landings’ walls was both accurate in how such a military maneuver was done, but also shot in a way by Neil Marshall to be exciting and chaotic. This battle was chaotic but not in the shaky-cam variety but in how battles was always about the killing and dying of men on the ground who were just feet from each other. It was a bloody execution of the episode’s order of battle that really earns this show that label of epic that fans like to throw at it. Again I must hand it to Martin as episode’s writer for making things accessible to those who have never read the book, but also keep enough of what made this battle exciting to those who have been fans of the novels.
All of this would still have come for naught if the person directing the episode dropped the ball, so to speak. “Blackwater” needed a director who could handle massive action scenes both from a bird’s eye view and from that of the grunt on the ground. Neil Marshall is a filmmaker who has always been great at maximizing the small budget he works with to create thrilling genre films. As the first outsider hired by the show’s producers Marshall was already behind the eightball in that he’s not knowledgeable of the what the show is about. Yet, one couldn’t tell with tonight’s episode. If HBO ever decided to continue this series for many more seasons I hope that they and Benioff and Weiss just hire Marshall to become the default director when it comes to episodes that require that epic hand at the till. Even with the quieter scenes with Cersei and her youngest Tommen as they sat on the Iron Throne waiting for the bad news that she truly thought would come was handled with a filmmaker’s deft touch that most tv directors are rarely able to pull off.
“Blackwater” may be the second to the last episode of this show’s second season, but just like the first season’s penultimate episode with the execution of Ned Stark, fans and audiences of the show have been treated to what could be accurately called the season’s climax. It’s not a bad way to end a season, but as we found out with last season the final episode will have it’s own surprises but also end the season with new avenues of storytelling that would make waiting for the start of season three to arrive be an exercise in agonized waiting. Season one’s second to the last episode might’ve been more traumatic but tonight’s “Blackwater” may have just been it’s best.
A job well done by Martin and Marshall.
Earlier today, the winners of the 2012 Cannes Film Festival were announced:
Palme d’Or — Amour by Michael Haneke
Grand Prix — Reality by Matteo Garrone
Best Director — Carlos Reygadas for Post Tenabras Lux
Best Screenplay — Beyond the Hills by Christian Mungiu
Best Actress — Cristina Fluter and Cosmina Stratan in Beyond the Hills
Best Actor — Mads Mikkelson in The Hunt
Jury Prize — The Angels’ Share by Ken Loach
Interestingly enough, considering that a whole lot of the coverage of this year’s festival centered on the large number of American films in competition, not a single American film won any of the competitive awards. Even the widely acclaimed Moonrise Kingdom was shut out. It’s also interesting to note that this is 2nd of Haneke’s film to win the Palme d’Or in less than a decade and that all Ken Loach has to do to win an award in Europe is show up.
Personally, just from the reports coming out of the festival, Beyond the Hills is the Cannes winner that I am most enthusiastic about seeing in the future.
It’s a lonely Saturday here at the TSL Bunker. Leonard Wilson is at a theater in the city, watching Chernobyl Diaries. My sister, the Dazzling Erin, has abandoned me to go shopping for ingredients so she can make something later tonight for our family’s annual memorial day get together tomorrow and our cat, Doc, is too busy sleeping at the foot of my bed to pay much attention to me Probably even as I sit here typing this, Leon the Duke is watching season 3 of Lost and how I envy him! The Trash Film Guru has escaped to the grindhouse. Necromoonyeti is discovering new music, Pantsukudasai is undoubtedly meeting with his enigmatic anime connection, Semtex Skittle is playing Diablo Something-Or-Another, and SenorGeekus is off spreading the gospel of Jack Kirby. Even Arleigh is off somewhere else, watching a war movie no doubt.
Yes, I’ve been left here alone in my section of the Bunker, which I’ve decorated by utilizing a combination of Catholic iconography, Hello Kitty, and pink wallpaper. I should be working on getting caught up because I am running behind on meeting my quota for the month. However, instead of writing about what’s currently playing in a theater near you, I find myself once again distracted by my continuing mission to watch and review every single film included in Mill Creek’s 50 Chilling Classics Boxset. Fortunately, I’m happiest when I have a mission. Here are reviews of 6 more of the Chilling Classics that I’ve sat through.
First released in 1984, The Cold is yet another odd little morality tale from Wisconsin-based filmmaker Bill Rebane. Three mysterious millionaires invite nine people (and just try to keep them all straight) to a secluded mansion that looks suspiciously like an EconoLodge. The nine guests are informed that if they spend a few nights at the “mansion” and face their greatest fears, they’ll win a million dollars. Of course, everyone agrees to do that but how could they have imagined that their fears would include a giant spider that shows up in soup bowl, a shark that shows up in a swimming pool (Agck! That would be my fear right there), rats, and people who wander around hallways while wearing white sheets. Of course, it all ends with a twist that you’ve already guessed and then the film introduces another twist that you’ve already guessed.
This is the third Rebane film that I’ve come across in the Chilling Classic Boxset (the previous two being The Alpha Incident and The Demons of Ludlow). Rebane is one of those odd directors whose uneven films are genuinely inept and yet occasionally show a flash of equally genuine imagination. The Cold is a complete and total mess that features bad acting (after 5 minutes, I’d had enough of the slow-witted girl with the bad Southern accent), bad dialogue (“You can’t come in here. I’m nude.” “Don’t worry, I’ve had a vasectomy”), and a truly incoherent style of editing. Rebane punctuates the action by including random snatches of old timey music and boy did that get irritating fast. And yet, once you start watching, it’s impossible to look away. You simply have to watch to convince yourself that what you’re seeing isn’t just a dream. Plus, the film includes not only an endless disco sequence but a narrator who admits that he can’t really follow the story either.
Dr. Tarr’s Torture Dungeon (dir by Juan Lopez Moctezuma)
This Mexican film from 1972 is based on an Edgar Allan Poe short story and, despite the poor picture quality that we’ve come to expect from anything put out by Mill Creek, it is one of the most visually interesting films to be found in the Chilling Classics boxset. A newspaper reporter visits a sanitarium in order to investigate the revolutionary form of therapy practiced by Dr. Maillard (Claudio Brook). As Maillard explains (and sh0ws), the inmates are essentially allowed to roam freely through the asylum and live under whatever delusions make them happiest. However, it quickly becomes obvious that Dr. Maillard is insane himself and his asylum is part of a bigger plot to rule the world. The plot makes little sense and it quickly becomes pretty clear that it’s not meant too. Director Juan Louis Moctezuma was a collaborator of the famed surrealist Alejandro Jadorowsky and it quickly becomes obvious that he’s more interested in putting as many odd and surreal images on-screen as possible and, on that level, he succeeds. For whatever the film’s narrative failings, it’s fascinating to just sit and look at some of the images that appear on-screen. Claudio Brook gives a wonderfully over-the-top performance that perfectly compliments the film’s visuals.
The Legend of Big Foot (dir by Harry Winer)
In this documentary from 1976, a wildlife expert named Ivan Marx rambles on and on about Big Foot while unrelated stock footage plays out on-screen. It’s just as exciting as it sounds. Seriously, I try to make it a point to stick with any film I start watching, no matter how boring it may turn out to be, but the Legend of Big Foot severely tested my patience. Some of the animals in the stock footage are cute, though. Regardless of what he may be discussing at any particular moment during the film, Marx delivers his narration in the most dramatic way possible and that provides a few laughs as well.
Oasis of the Zombies (dir. by Jess Franco)
In this 1981 Eurocine film, a group of unlikable people come across a lost Nazi treasure in the middle of the African desert. Unfortunately for them, the Nazis are still there, standing guard. Of course, the Nazis have now all been transformed into zombies! As far as Nazi zombie films are concerned, Oasis of the Zombies isn’t as scary as Shock Waves and it’s not as much fun as Zombie Lake. What it is, however, is a Jess Franco film which means that the film features actors in tacky outfits, poorly dubbed dialogue, a zoom lens that just won’t quit, and a few oddly surreal (and occasionally nightmarish) visuals. This is really a pretty shoddy film but it’s enjoyable if you’re a fan of Franco’s “unique” style of filmmaking.
Slashed Dreams (dir. by James Polaskof)
This film was originally released in 1974, under the title Sunburst. It was obviously not meant to be a horror film (though it was clearly meant to appeal to the exploitation market) but instead, it was a painfully sincere, annoyingly naive, and, ultimately, rather offensive attempt to make an important statement about the need to drop out of society and “do your own thing.” However, Robert Englund shows up for the film’s final 10 minutes so, at some point in the 80s, Sunburst was re-released, retitled, and resold as a horror film.
Anyway, this 74 minute film is about two perky and attractive college students (Peter Hooten and Katharine Baumann, both of whom give good performances) who decided to go visit their first Michael who has dropped out of society and is currently living in a cabin out in the middle of the woods. The majority of the film is an endless montage of scenes of Hooten and Baumann hiking through the wilderness while a singer named Roberta Van Dere warbles away on the soundtrack, singing some of the most annoyingly 70s folk songs ever written. I’m sad to say that I got one of them, Animals Are Clumsy Too, stuck in my head. Once they finally reach the cabin, they discover that Michael is off wandering about. They decide to wait around for Michael to show up which leads to them being spotted by two inbred hicks who proceed to rape Baumann before running off. The next morning, Michael shows up and hey, he’s Robert Englund! Michael hears what has happened and, instead of going to the police or, at the very least, getting Baumann to a hospital, he tells her that she just needs to “push the demons out” and get on with living. Which, by the way, is complete bullshit. It’s one thing to discover strength you previously didn’t realize you had as the result of something terrible, it’s another thing to seriously expect a woman to shrug it off after a day or two or to consider rape to be a character-building exercise as this film seems to. Say what you will about I Spit On Your Grave, at least that film understood that rape is an unforgivable violation and more than just a bad thing that might happen in the woods. I swear, just when I think that I can’t hate the late 60s and early 70s anymore than I already do, I see a film like this.
Track of the Moon Beast (dir. by Dick Ashe)
When it comes to bad movies from the 70s, I prefer the likes of 1976’s Track of the Moonbeast to Sunburst/Slashed Dreams. This films takes place in New Mexico and tells the story of Paul (Chase Cordel), a slow-talking mineralogist who gets a chunk of moon rock lodged into his brain. As a result, he turns into a gigantic lizard and goes around killing people. His only hope appears to be his old friend, the stoic Profession Johnny Longbow (Gregorio Sala) who knows all sorts of indian lore. He also knows how to make stew and early on in the film, he gives a world-weary monologue about what ingredients he puts in his stew. (Onions, mostly). Anyway, this is an awful, awful film that’s full of bad acting, bad special effects, and dumb dialogue. It’s also a lot of fun and it features the guy pictured below singing a song called California Lady that got stuck in my head almost as quickly as Animals Are Clumsy Too. I loved Track of the Moon Beast.
So, out of these six, I would definitely recommend Track of the Moon Beast and Dr. Tarr’s Torture Dungeon. The Cold and Oasis of the Zombies should be watched only by people who are already familiar with the work of Bill Rebane and Jess Franco. Legend of Big Foot might be amusing if you’re intoxicated and Slashed Dreams is the one to definitely avoid.
Hi there!
To all of our readers in the USA, Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
To all of our readers elsewhere in the world, happy weekend!
Suddenly, after typing that, I realize that — with typical American arrogance — I have just assigned the majority of the world to elsewhere. Agck! Those obnoxious (but cute) German Marxists that I got into all those arguments with when I went to Italy were right!
But you know what? A weekend like this is a good time to acknowledge that film is an international art form. Today’s edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation trailers features an early test run for Captain America, two films from Italy, and two films starring one of my international stars, the late David Warbeck. (Did you know that Warbeck came close to being cast in the role of James Bond? Daniel Craig could learn a lot from watching a few Warbeck films.)
Enjoy!
1) Captain America (1990)
What better way to start off this memorial day edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailer than by featuring the trailer for Captain America? No, this is not the trailer for the film that we all went and saw last year. This, apparently, was that film’s low-budget ancestor. In this version, Capt. America is played by Matt Salinger, the son of writer J.D. Salinger.
2) The Last Hunter (1981)
This Viet Nam War film from Antonio Margheriti is surprisingly good and features an excellent lead performance from one of my favorite of the old exploitation veterans, David Warbeck.
3) Black Snake (1973)
Speaking of David Warbeck, he’s also featured in this rather uncomfortable trailer for Black Snake, a 1973 film from Russ Meyer.
4) Track of The Moonbeast (1976)
This one is included in my 50 Chilling Classics Boxset from Mill Creek so I’ll probably be watching it sometime next week.
5) Trick Baby (1972)
After I saw this trailer, I called up everyone I knew and I whispered, “Trick baby, trick baby…” to them. Most of the reactions were positive.
6) Blood and Black Lace (1963)
Finally, what better way to welcome a holiday than with a little Mario Bava? This is the trailer for his classic giallo, Blood and Black Lace.
This trailer has been out for a while now but I still want to post it here because, I have to admit, I have slowly fallen in love with it. Lawless appears to be a stylish period piece about ruthless men shooting each other and, quite frankly, after sitting through such ponderous and overly serious films as Public Enemies and J. Edgar, I think we’re all in the mood for a prohibition gangster film that’s actually fun to watch.
There are three reasons why I think Lawless might be good and those three reasons are: Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, and Guy Pearce (though I do have to wonder what exactly is going on with Pearce’s hair). Seriously, this trailer had me as soon as Oldman flashed that little smirk of his. As for Tom Hardy — well, I’m with Jessica Chastain on this one. I’d dance for him too.
There are a few reasons to be concerned. Director John Hillcoat previously directed The Road, which I didn’t really care for. (The end of the world might be many things but it should never be boring.) However, my biggest concern is the fact that even though the film features Hardy, Oldman, Pearce, and Chastain, it apparently stars Shia LeBouf. When I saw Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, I had to keep reminding myself that the film was actually about LeBouf because he just seemed so forgettable and watching the trailer for Lawless, I find myself wondering how, if LeBouf couldn’t even summon up enough charisma to hold the screen against Michael Douglas, how is he going to handle being in a film with Tom Hardy, Guy Pearce, and Gary Oldman?
The latest entry in my “Song of the Day” feature is from one of my favorite bands ever, Metallica, and from one of their live albums: “The Outlaw Torn” feat. the S.F. Symphony Orchestra.
This song was part of their 6th album, Load, and was picked by classical composer Michael Kamen to become part of the set list for the band’s live collaboration with the S.F. Symphony Orchestra. One of these days I’ll review that live album with all its great entries and some so-so ones, but for now it’s all about “The Outlaw Torn” and how the band’s attempt at trying a hard rock sound instead of their original thrash metal beginnings ended up becoming pretty great once paired with a full symphony orchestra adding their own voices to the song.
Unlike some of the other songs picked for the S&M album (as this one was called Symphony & Metallica), this particular track benefited from the added melodies and arrangements that only ranks upon ranks of strings, brass and percussion sections an orchestra could bring to the table. The orchestra didn’t just mimic the very sound and notes the band was playing but added different layers of sounds and with this song one could hear those additions.
This version of “The Outlaw Torn” gets continuous play on my computer and iPhone that I know by memory just when certain sections of the orchestra comes in and just what sort instruments would be coming in. It’s that good.
The Outlaw Torn
And now I wait my whole lifetime
For you
And now I wait my whole lifetime
For you
I ride the dirt I ride the tide
For you
I search the outside search inside
For you
To take back what you left me
I know I’ll always burn to be
The one who seeks so I may find
And now I wait my whole lifetime
My whole lifetime
My whole lifetime
My whole lifetime
And I’m torn
So long I wait my whole lifetime
For you
So long I wait my whole lifetime
For you
The more I search the more my need
For you
The more I bless the more I bleed
For you
You make me smash the clock and feel
I’d rather die behind the wheel
Time was never on my side
So long I wait my whole lifetime
My whole lifetime
My whole lifetime
My whole lifetime
And I’m torn
HEAR ME
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open
SEE ME
And if my face becomes sincere
Beware
HOLD ME
And when I start to come undone
Stitch me together
SEE ME
And when you see me strut
Remind me of what left this outlaw torn
HEAR ME
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open
SEE ME
And if my face becomes sincere
Beware
HOLD ME
And when I start to come undone
Stitch me together
SEE ME
And when you see me strut
Remind me of what left this outlaw torn
For the past few months, I’ve been attempting to watch and review every film to be found in Mill Creek’s 50 Chilling Classics box set. Here’s are 6 quick reviews of the latest few “chilling classics” that I’ve found the time to watch.
1) Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (Dir by William Beaudine)
This 1966 western/horror hybrid is just about as stupid as you think it is but it’s also a lot of fun if you’re in the right mood. Notorious outlaw Jesse James (John Lupton) attempts to hold up a stagecoach but, in the process, his hulking partner Hank (Cal Bolder) is serious wounded. Some helpful peasants direct Jesse and Hank to the mysterious German doctor who happens to live in a nearby dark and scary house. That doctor is Maria Frankenstein (Narda Onyx) and she’s been conducting experiments to bring dead Mexicans back to life. Imagine her joy when the nearly dead Hank shows up at her laboratory. Anyway, Maria performs a brain transplant on Hank and once Hank comes back to life, she informs him that his new name is “Igor.” Yes, she does. That plot description pretty much tells you everything you need to know about the movie but I vaguely enjoyed vaguely paying attention to it. Maria’s German accent is hilariously overdone, the Frankenstein laboratory is full of pointless electrical things, and a character dies halfway through the film just to later show up again with no explanation. It’s that type of movie.
2) Scream Bloody Murder (dir. by Marc Ray)
So Matthew (played by Fred Holbert) is a disturbed young man who murders his father with a tractor and loses a hand in the process. He’s sent off to a mental asylum for a few years and while there, he’s given a sharp and potentially deadly hook as a replacement for his hand. Seriously, why would you give a weapon like that to a mental disturbed person who has just murdered his own father? That’s just one of the many mysteries that goes unexplored in 1973’s Scream Bloody Murder, an occasionally watchable slice of entertainment that is ultimately too slow and predictable to really be effective. Once Matthew is released from the asylum, he goes on the expected murder spree and goes all Collector-like on a prostitute named Vera (played by Leigh Mitchell, who also plays Matthew’s doomed mother in a clever bit of Oedipal casting). Mitchell and Holbert both give surprisingly good performances and director Marc Ray comes up with a few visually inventive scenes of mayhem but, for the most part, this film never quite lives up to the excessive promise of its premise.
3) Silent Night Bloody Night (dir. by Theodore Gershuny)
Filmed in 1972 and subsequently released in 1974, Silent Night Bloody Night is a real treat, an atmospheric thriller that has a wonderfully complicated plot that will keep you guessing. On Christmas Eve, Jeff Butler (James Patterson) comes to an isolated town to arrange the sell of his grandfather’s home. As we discover through some wonderfully dream-like flashbacks, Jeff’s grandfather died nearly 40 years ago when he was set on fire in his own home. With the help of local girl Diane (Mary Woronov), Jeff investigates his grandfather’s death and discovers that the town is full of secrets and people who are willing to kill to maintain them. Director Theodore Gershuny uses the low budget to his advantage and the sepia-toned flashbacks are truly disturbing and haunting. Ultimately, Silent Night Bloody Night feels like a dream itself and the mystery’s solution is less important than the journey taken to reach it.
4) Sisters of Death (dir. by Joseph Mazzuca)
Technically, this isn’t the best film to be found in the Chilling Classics box set but it’s still one of my personal favorites. The 1977 film opens with a very baroque sorority initiation that ends with one of the sisters being killed in a game of Russian Roulette. A few years later, the surviving sisters are invited to an isolated and lavish estate where it turns out that the dead girl’s father (well-played by Arthur Franz) is looking for revenge. This film is predictable and a lot of the plot depends on people refusing to use any common sense but Sisters of Death is such a fun little melodrama that I can’t complain too much. The film plays out like a surprisingly violent Lifetime movie and it all ends on a wonderfully cynical note.
5) War of the Robots (dir. by Alfonso Brescia)
Whatever you do, don’t watch War of the Robots alone. Seriously, you need somebody there — preferably several people — so you can take turns making snarky comments and rude jokes. Otherwise, you’ll just be stuck watching this amazingly bad science fiction film from 1978 and wondering how much more of it you can take. Set in the generic future, War of the Robots tells the story of what happens when two human scientists are kidnapped by a bunch of robots. Capt. John Boyd (Antonio Sabato) is sent to get the scientists back and the end result? A war of the robots. Or something like that. This is one of those films where it’s difficult to really pay that much attention to what’s happening on-screen. However, it’s worth seeing just for the chance to spot the wires that are enabling the model spaceship to hang over the “alien” landscapes. Naturally, since this film was made in the 70s, everyone wears space suits with really wide lapels.
6) Werewolf in a Girls Dormitory (dir. by Paolo Heusch)
First released in 1961, Werewolf in a Girls Dormitory is an Italian/Austrian co-production. It was originally titled Lycanthropus and while Werewolf In A Girls Dormitory is a lot more memorable, it also makes this film sound like a lot more fun than it actually is. This slow and oddly somber film tells the story about a series of murders that occur at a school for delinquent girls. The school’s newest teacher is the obvious suspect but then again, the killer might just be a werewolf. I liked the look of this film — the film is lit to emphasize shadows and it gives the whole thing a very noir-like feel — but, much like Scream Bloody Murder, this movie was just too slow to really be effective.
So, out of this batch of 6, I would definitely recommend that you track down and see Silent Night Bloody Night and Sisters of Death. I would also definitely suggest that you do your best to avoid War of the Robots. As for the other 3, they’re all better than The Wicker Tree.
Well, since my less than glowing review of The Avengers (not that it was all that negative — I just said it was an okay superhero flick, not the greatest thing to ever happen in the history of the world, as some were claiming) didn’t get me tarred and feathered, I thought I would avail myself of the opportunity that this site provides me to take a look at some other films that I don’t get around to reviewing on my own site, http://trashfilmguru.wordpress.com, all that often because they just don’t fit in with the overall ethos (there’s my pretentious asshole bit out of the way) of what I try to stick to (for the most part, at any rate) over there. Our erstwhile semi-empress, Ms. Bowman, assures me that pretty much anything goes around here, though, so without any further ado I’m going to start up a little on-again/off-again series where I take a look at the various summer blockbusters Hollywood is serving up this summer — something which I did, in fact, do on my own site last year, where it pretty much went over like a lead balloon, given that my readers don’t tend to stop by there looking for much by way of mainstream movie criticism. I trust folks around these parts won’t mind, though, since the mainstream isn’t something my fellow scribes here shy away from.
First up is the newly-released The Dictator, the third collaboration between supposed comic “talent” Sacha Baron Cohen and director Larry Charles. First off, let me state for the record that I have no particular objection to crass, vulgar, tasteless humor. In fact, I rather like it. But The Dictator feels less like it has an actual script than a belabored series of barely-strung-together, often overly-complicated, tremendously belabored set-ups for various gross-out gags that you can see coming from a mile (at least) away. Granted, Cohen was never going to get away with pure ad-libbing of the sort that he did in Borat again, and even the half ad-libbed/half-scripted shtick he pulled in Bruno was probably going to be a bridge too far as well, but no way in a million years did I think his first truly non-spontaneous film was going to be this, well, clunky. It just doesn’t flow at all and it’s that blatant telegraphing of oncoming supposed “jokes,” rather than the nature of said jokes themselves, that makes this flick feel like such an insult to the audience’s collective intelligence.
Plus, there’s a none-too-subtle political agenda at work here that I find particularly underhanded and reprehensible. Let’s be honest — in between wasted cameos from the likes of Megan Fox and John C. Reilly, and criminally wasting the talents of Ben Kinglsey (who, sadly, has shown is recent years that he’ll do anything for a buck), The Dictator has one driving message from start to finish : Ahmadinejad (who Cohen’s Aladeen character is clearly based on) is a crazy loon, Iran (which the country of Wadiya that Aladeen rules over is clearly based on) is not to be trusted, the Iranians really are building nuclear weapons no matter what they say, they really want to wipe Israel off the map no matter what they say, and everyone, even cool Hollywood liberals, should get on board with the idea of bombing/and or invading them right now.
Seriously, I swear I’m not being paranoid or reading too much into things here. Before he gets lost in New York after being deposed (momentarily) by his uncle and falls in love with Anna Faris while working at her food co-op, Cohen’s Aladeen snickers as he denies his nuclear program is for peaceful, energy-producting purposes, and guffaws and snickers as he promises to leave Israel alone. Of course, the US news media assures us that Iranian “dictator” (he’s not really even the head political force in the country, but hey, whatever) Ahmadinejad does, indeed, intend to build nuclear weapons (even though more or less every international regulatory body and every truly independent defense analyst and Middle Eastern policy analyst disagrees) and he did threaten to wipe out Israel and denied the Holocaust ever happened (even though accurate translations of his comments show he’s never said anything of the sort and has been intentionally, and quite shamelessly, misquoted), so obviously Cohen’s just taking his material right from the headlines, right? Besides, didn’t I say earlier that Cohen and Charles were cool Hollywood liberals? Why, just look at that admittedly quite spot-on piece of satire at the end of the film (which also marks more or less the only time at which Cohen and Charles hit the right notes) where Aladeen lampoons each and every facet of the so-called “war on terrorism” — he’s clearly not in favor of Bush-Cheney (or maybe that should be Bush-Cheney-Obama, since nothing in this regard has changed since the Texas oilmen left office) policies, so where do I get off thinking they’re trying to push us into another stupid war (and yes,”another stupid war” is what I object to — I’m not in any way saying that Ahmadinejad is a great guy or that Iran isn’t a country in desperate need of wholesale reform from top to bottom — all I’m saying is that bombing and invading them is blatantly hare-brained idea)?
Oh, how short our memories are. Let’s not forget, friends, that we only went to war with Iraq after we had the so-called “opposition” on board, and that a good 75% of House and Senate Democrats voted for that ill-thought-out (to put it mildly!) scheme. Quite clearly Cohen and Charles know who their audience is, and their goal isn’t to push right-wing conservatives into supporting an attack on Iran — after all, they already do — but is rather to convince the so-called “left” (what remains of it, at any rate) that it’s a good idea, as well, since that’s the only quarter any opposition to this idea might possibly come from. And hey, let’s be honest — if Cohen and Charles really understood progressive politics at all, they wouldn’t have a picture of Barack Obama hanging on the wall of Faris’ food co-op. Ralph Nader, maybe, or Bernie Sanders, or Dennis Kucinich — but Obama? Don’t think so. These guys have clearly never spent so much as a minute in a real co-op.
Still, reprehensible as this film’s political chicanery is, it’s not the most offensive thing about The Dictator. Sorry, that still goes to its tremendously lead-footed pacing and insultingly obvious joke set-ups. Seriously, this is a movie that spends over five minutes leading up to a gag about losing a cell phone inside a woman’s vagina, and spends even longer than that cobbling together a lame punchline featuring Aladeen’s even dumber double milking a woman’s boobs into a pail. Comedy 101 — the set-up to a joke should never be more complicated than the joke itself, and when the jokes are this half-assed, they don’t require any more than the briefest of lead-in time. It’s that complete and utter non-spontaneity, ineptly handled and in service of puerile, juvenile shenanigans that hardly even deliver much of a payoff, that marks a bigger crime, in a strictly cinematic sense, than trying to push us into another useless and counterproductive war with a wink and a nudge.
Through the Shattered Lens 