Tag Archives: What Lisa Watched Last Night

What Lisa and Evelyn Watched Last Night #68: California Dreams S3E17 “Tiffani’s Gold” (dir by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Wednesday night, my BFF Evelyn and I watched (via YouTube) an episode of the 90s sitcom California Dreams.  The name of this episode was Tiffani’s Gold and, needless to say, it’s a very special episode.

Why Were We Watching It?

As I wrote back in December, I was introduced to this show over Christmas by my sister Megan.  Ever since then, I’ll be regularly watching old episodes of California Dreams on YouTube.  I’ve seen the members of the Dreams deal with racism, eating disorders, gang violence, body issues, and environmental panic.  When I discovered that the episode Tiffani’s Gold dealt with drug abuse — well, how couldn’t I watch?

As for Evelyn, she insists that I make clear that the only reason she was watching it was because I insisted.

What Was It About?

Tiffani is stressed about making the national volleyball team so she starts taking steroids.  Tiffani makes the team but she also starts to snap at people, beat up her friends, and smash plates at the local hang-out.

Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated subplot, Mark, Sly, and Tony compete for the title of Mr. Stud and Jake continues to insist on wearing a heavy leather jacket to the beach.

What Worked?

As well-intentioned as it most certainly was, this episode had a definite Reefer Madness type of appeal to it.  California Dreams, much like my beloved Degrassi, presents us with a world where not only can the worst happen but the worst will end up happening within the next 10 minutes.  Seriously, how can you not be impressed by the fact that, after a week of taking steroids, Tiffani is literally picking Sly up and throwing him against a locker?

That said, I could relate to Tiffani’s anger in several scenes.  Seriously, sometimes, a girl just needs to be left alone!

Evelyn says the main thing that worked about this episode is that the California Dreams never actually performed.

What Did Not Work?

Evelyn and I totally disagreed with the results of the Mr. Stud contest.  Seriously, Mark looked good in that tuxedo and I didn’t believe Jake for a second when he claimed to have gotten choked up at the movies.  (Oh, and by the way, it’s okay for a guy to cry but he should never sob.  That’s the important thing.)

“OH MY GOD!  Just like me!” Moments

I have now been told, by five different people, that the character of Lorena reminds them of me and since two of these people were my sister and BFF, I’ll take their word for it.  Still, I have a hard time imagining that Lorena would ever have been a fan of Italian horror.

Lessons Learned

Well, duh!  Don’t do steroids!  Though, actually, it seems like the steroids accomplished their purpose.  I mean, Tiffani did make the national team and all.  In fact, it seems like Tiffani’s main problem is that people put too much pressure on her so I guess the real lesson here is that you shouldn’t put too much pressure on your friends when they’re using steroids.

What Lisa and The Snarkalecs Watched Last Night #67: Abominable Snowman (dir by Marko Makilaasko)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, the Snarkalecs and I watched the SyFy original film, Abominable Snowman.

Why Were We Watching It?

That’s a question that many of us wondered as we sat through this film.  Let’s just say that Abominable Snowman was no Tasmanian Devils.

What Was It About

This one’s just dumb.  Two guys vanish in the Alps and then, 20 year later, one of the guy’s son goes looking for them and then he disappears too.  So, the guy’s sister recruits a bunch of friends and they go looking for him and eventually, they all end up running into two abominable snowmen.  That’s good because, otherwise, the title would have just been stupid.

What Worked?

The abominable snowmen were kinda cute and I found it interesting to observe the way that they seemed to either shrink or grow depending on the narrative demands of the film.

As a result of the nonstop snark from the Snarkalecs, Abominable Snowman was soon a trending topic on twitter and this, of course, led to a lot of non-Snarkalecs popping up and demanding: “Will somebody please tell me why #AbominableSnowman is trending!?”

This led to me replying: “If you’re wondering why #AbominableSnowman is trending, you either don’t live in Seattle or you’re not watching CNN right now.“

Hopefully, that caused some confusion.

What Did Not Work?

The entire freakin’ film.

Allow me to repeat that: The entire freakin’ film did not work.  Seriously.  Not only did the film feature the most unlikable group of characters ever assembled for a SyFy film (even more unlikable than the semester-at-sea students from 2-Headed Shark Attack) but it then proceeded to kill them off in the blandest ways possible.  There was not a single scene or death in Abominable Snowman that would have gotten more than a 1.5 on the Ohno Scale.

For the record, Abominable Snowman was not produced by the Asylum.  If it has been, it probably would have been a lot more fun.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

There was really only one character in the film that I related to.  That would be the local bartender who shows a lot of cleavage and has to deal with a drunk helicopter pilot constantly trying to look down her shirt.  That’s as close as this film got to providing me with an “Oh my god!  Just like me!” moment.

Lessons Learned

I refused to learn anything from Abominable Snowman.

What Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched Last Night #66: Tasmanian Devils (dir by Zach Lipovsky)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Minor Spoilers)

Last night, the Snarkalecs and I watched the SyFy original movie Tasmanian Devils.  Who are the Snarkalecs?  You can find out here.

Why Was I Watching It?

Seriously, yesterday was a weird, weird day.  I don’t even know where to begin.  In between the pervy guys who have been working on the roof of the house across the alley, and the woman in Georgia who keeps accusing me of having an affair with her husband (another long story that you can read all about here), I was seriously ready to just change my name to Diabla, stop washing my hair, stop wearing makeup, and just move to Vermont.

But, through it all, I took the strength for the knowledge that, at 8:00, there would be an original movie on SyFy and that I would be watching it with my friends, the Snarkalecs…

What’s It About?

I’ll tell you what it’s not about.  It’s not about the spinning cartoon character who was always falling off cliffs and having safes dropped on his head.  No, these Tasmanian devils are vicious killers but, at the same time, they’re also kinda cute and adorable in a chupacabra kind of way.

Anyway, Apolo Ohno and a bunch of his friends go to Tasmania. Apolo jumps off of a cliff, has some trouble with his parachute, and ends up plunging into a hidden cave and getting impaled on the world’s biggest stalagmite.  Apolo hangs around for a bit, squirming like a bug and groaning despite the fact that he’s got a gigantic hole in chest.  Seriously, Apolo must be invincible.  Alas, his blood gets the attention of the Tasmanian devils and, in perhaps the defining scene of 2013, Apolo Ohno is literally ripped into little pieces on-screen.

There is a little bit more that happens in the film.  Apolo’s friends end up running into a park ranger played by Danica McKellar and they soon all find themselves being stalked through the wilderness by the Tasmanian devils.  However, for me, the film was pretty much about Apolo Ohno getting literally ripped into little pieces on-screen.

What Worked?

OH MY GOD!  Apolo Ohno was literally ripped into little pieces on-screen!  This led to me framing the term “Ohnotastic” as a way to refer to any spectacular death in a SyFy film.  This eventually led to the creation of the Ohno Scale, which from now on, will be used to judge the effectiveness of SyFy carnage.  Tasmanian Devils will now forever be one of the pivotal films in the history of the Snarkalecs.

(Hopefully, the next two-headed shark film from the Asylum will feature a Michael Phelps cameo.)

Beyond that, Tasmanian Devils was actually a pretty good film.  It was the epitome of a fun movie to watch with friends and director Zach Lipovsky actually managed to generate some genuine suspense.  Even better, both Lipovsky and Danica McKellar dropped by twitter and interacted with the people commenting on the film.  It’s always really nice whenever filmmakers do this.

On a personal note, I enjoyed Tasmanian Devils because it was filmed in Canada, a country that I am strangely obsessed with.  As for the male snarkalecs, they seemed to largely enjoy Tasmanian Devils because of the low-cut top that Danica McKellar’s park ranger was wearing.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked.  Life is too short to be critical of a film called Tasmanian Devils.

“OH MY GOD!  Just like me!” Moments

Insert your own low-cut top/heaving boobs comment here.

Lessons Learned

Apolo Ohno is not invincible.

What Lisa and Evelyn Watched Last Night #65: Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 (dir by Brian Trenchard-Smith)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, after we finished watching the first episode of the new season of American Idol, my bff Evelyn and I watched Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, an evangelical apocalypse film from 2001.

Why Were We Watching It?

Considering that I’m an occasionally agnostic Irish Catholic and Evelyn describes herself as being a “Jewish atheist,” and that Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 is a film about Armageddon told from an evangelical point of view, I think the real question is how could we not watch it?  I mean, seriously.

Along with that, of course, Evelyn and I both wanted to watch something that nobody would ever expect either one of us to ever watch.

What Was It About?

Stone Alexander (Michael York) is President of the European Union and is promoting a plan that he claims will solve all of the world’s problems.  His younger brother, David Alexander (Michael Biehn) is vice president of the United States and wants to keep America from turning into Europe.  David is also in love with Stone’s wife (Diane Venora).  And, of course, Stone is actually the Antichrist while David is Michael Biehn.

Anyway, Stone uses his magic devil powers to cause President Benson (R. Lee Ermey) to die of a heart attack and David becomes President.  David, however, refuses to join Stone’s “new world order” so Stone frames David for the murder of their father.  David goes into hiding with a few loyal American soldiers while Stone makes plans to launch a military strike against Jerusalem.

It all, of course, leads to a huge battle between the forces of Hell and the combined armies of Spain and China (no, really).  David finally gets his chance to confront his brother, many prayers are said, and, eventually, a CGI demon pops up and creates a lot of CGI mayhem.

What Worked?

Evelyn claims that nothing worked in this film but I disagree just slightly.  First off, and most importantly, Franco Nero is in this film!  He plays Stone’s father-in-law and, while he may no longer be the dashing Lancelot from Camelot, Franco Nero is still aging pretty damn well.

Udo Kier is in the film too.  Seriously, Udo Kier pops up in the strangest places.

Michael York is a lot of fun as the wonderfully evil Stone Alexander. York’s performance here makes his delivery of the line, “YOU CAN LIVE!  LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!” at the end of Logan’s Run look restrained.  Also, if you’re going to have a made-for-evil name like Stone Alexander, you might as well be the Antichrist.

On a personal note, I had a lot of fun annoying Evelyn by pointing out that just about every policy proposed by Stone Alexander has also been proposed by Barack Obama.  I imagine that Megiddo must be a very popular film among certain conspiracy-minded segments of the population.

What Did Not Work?

To be honest, the entire film didn’t work.  It’s not a very good film.  The special effects were cheap, the script made the Atlas Shrugged films look subtle, and I imagine that the film probably created more atheists than believers.

That said, Megiddo is still better than Avatar.

“Oh my God!  Just like Evelyn and Lisa!” Moments

None.

Lessons Learned

Franco Nero ages like a fine wine.

Getting the point of Megiddo

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #64: The 70th Annual Golden Globes

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the 70th Annual Golden Globe awards.  Judging from twitter, so did a lot of other people.  All I can say is that I hope my golden globes are as popular as this show when they’re 70 years old.

Why Was I Watching It?

I have to admit that I nearly didn’t watch it because I was in kind of a crappy mood on Sunday night.  Seriously,that night,  my twitter timeline was a testament to just how annoyed this little redheaded Irish girl can get.  But, in the end, I decided that I had to watch the Golden Globes because, even though I don’t care much for rich celebrities, I do love movies, I love TV, and I love award shows.  Add to that, I knew that if I didn’t watch the Golden Globes that would mean missing out on a chance to make countless references to my boobs and I just couldn’t do that to my followers on twitter.

What Was It About?

It was about celebrities getting drunk and winning awards and getting bleeped while delivering their acceptance speeches.  It was about the fact that the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association will do anything to get George Clooney to come hang out with them.  It was about Tommy Lee Jones glaring, Jodie Foster rambling, and Quentin Tarantino using the n-word backstage.  It was about Ben Affleck winning Best Director and Argo beating Lincoln for best film.  It was about star fucking and star mocking.  It was the best of award shows and it was the worst of award shows.  In short, it was the Golden Globes.

What Worked?

To be honest, the 70th annual Golden Globes were a lot of fun.  The show moved quickly and most of the jokes were actually funny.  The assembled stars started drinking early and I think that helped out a lot.

Among those who won Golden Globes, the best acceptance speeches were given by Lena Dunham, Christoph Waltz, Ben Affleck, and Daniel Day-Lewis.  A lot of people were critical of Anne Hathaway’s acceptance speech but I thought it was sweet and genuine.

My favorite winner was Jennifer Lawrence, mostly because she specifically started her speech by mentioning that she had beaten “Meryl.”  Some people on twitter felt that was a bit rude but, quite frankly, I’ve grown tired of Meryl Streep showing up at every awards ceremony looking like grandma in a prom dress.

(Meryl, incidentally, was not at the Golden Globes last night because she had the flu.)

I thought Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig were funny when they did their little introduction for the Best Actress (Comedy/Musical) award but I thought Tommy Lee Jones’ annoyed glare was even funnier.

Tina Fey (who looked great) and Amy Poehler (who did not) were both great hosts and I loved Poelher’s joke about how torturous it must have been for Kathryn Bigelow to be married to James Cameron.  That’s one of the great things about the Golden Globes.  Unlike at the Oscars, people are willing to make jokes about James Cameron.

Unlike a lot of people, I found Jodie Foster’s “coming out” speech to be funny and wonderfully human.  That said, I wasn’t aware that Jodie Foster was ever in the closet.  Seriously, worst kept secret ever.

It was a genuinely exciting and nice moment when Argo was announced as the winner for Best Motion Picture (Drama), defeating the heavily favored Lincoln. While I liked both of those films, there is a definite backlash brewing against the seeming inevitability of Lincoln’s victory.

Finally, Sacha Baron Cohen was pretty annoying but, on the plus side, he did take the time to insult Russell Crowe’s singing.  As anyone who has ever watched South Park knows, this means that Crowe is going to jump in his tug boat and head off on a quest for vengeance.

And that’s the way things should be.

What Did Not Work?

A lot of people on twitter were really excited when Bill Clinton came out on stage to introduce the clip for Lincoln.  Myself, I hit mute as soon as I saw him.  I don’t watch awards shows to see redneck politicians.  Add to that, having Bill Clinton introduce Lincoln was yet another example of the nonstop hype that has led to people resenting both Steven Spielberg and his latest film.

The Golden Globes used to be a fun precursor to the actual Oscar nominations so it was hard not to be disappointed that, under this new schedule, the Golden Globes were awarded after the Oscar nominations had been announced.

“OMG!  Just like me!” Moment

"I'll show you some Golden Globes!"

“I’ll show you some Golden Globes!”

Lessons Learned

None.  I was too stubborn last night to learn any lessons.

What Lisa and Erin Watched Last Night #63: Bring It On (dir. by Peyton Reed)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my sister Erin Nicole (a.k.a. Dazzling Erin) and I watched the classic 2000 cheerleading movie Bring It On on AMC.

Why Were We Watching It?

Seriously, how can you not watch Bring It On?

Back in high school, while I was doing my goth ballerina thing, Erin Nicole was a cheerleader and, though she denies it, she pretty much was Kirsten Dunst back then.  Anyway, Erin usually refuses to watch Bring It On because she says she had already had to sit through it a few hundred times by the time she turned 17.  For this reason, I always make it a point to let Erin know when Bring It On is on TV and to try to trick her into watching it with me.

But last night, to my surprise, she was the one who saw the movie listed in the guide and started watching it because, according to her, there was nothing else on.  (Personally, I think Erin was feeling nostalgic but she denies it.)  I joined her shortly after the movie started and, according to Erin, I spent the next two hours jumping around and acting all hyper.  That’s not quite the way I remember it but Erin’s the cheerleader so I’ll take her word for it.

What’s It About?

Torrance (played by Kirsten Dunst) is the new captain of her high school’s cheerleading squad and is determined to lead them to yet another national title.  However, Missy (Eliza Dushku), a new member of the squad, reveals that the squad only won those titles by stealing routines from an inner city cheerleader squad.  Torrance now has to create an original routine while dealing with her cheating boyfriend (Richard Hillman) and flirting with Missy’s brother (Jesse Bradford), who looks a lot like Paul Rudd and is skeptical about whether cheerleading’s really all that important in the grand scheme of things.

What Worked?

Let’s just come right out and say it: Bring It On is one of the greatest high school movies ever made.  It’s fun, it’s funny, and best of all, it’s real.  The film’s director, Peyton Reed, the film’s writers, Jessica Bendinger and Stephen White, and the film’s cast all perfectly capture just how important the little dramas are when you’re a teenager.  The film even manages to say something very important about issues like race and economic inequality.

Plus, as Erin and I both agreed last night, Jesse Bradford is HOT!

According to Erin, she has flashbacks and starts laughing uncontrollably  whenever she hears the line “These are spirit fingers!”

What Didn’t Work?

It all worked.  Seriously, if you can be critical of a film like Bring It On then you’re probably taking life too seriously.

“OH MY GOD!  Just like Erin!” Moments

Last night, I finally got Erin to admit that she liked Bring It On because it reminded her of her cheerleading days but Erin added, “But I wasn’t as bouncy as Kirsten Dunst is in this movie.”  To that, I can only smile and say, “Whatever,” because, as everyone knows, the Bowman Girls are always bouncy.  That’s a part of our charm.

Lessons Learned

If you’re going do it, then bring it!

What Lisa and Megan Watched Last Night #62: California Dreams S3E3 “Budget Cuts” (dir. by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my sister Megan and I continued to bond over episodes of bad sitcoms from the 1990s.  Among those episodes was “Budget Cuts,” from the third season of California Dreams.

Why Were We Watching It?

I’ve been spending this holiday week visiting my wonderful sister Megan in Ft. Worth and, for the past few days, we’ve been bonding over the fact that she has almost every single episode of Saved By The Bell: The New Class and California Dreams on DVD.

(Personally, SBTB: TNC has a lot of nostalgia value for me but Megan claims that California Dreams was a “thousand times better” than either the original Saved By The Bell or The New Class.)

Last night, we watched several randomly selected episodes of both SBTB: TNC and California Dreams and, out of all of them, “Budget Cuts” is the one that really stood out.

What Was It About?

Much like the “Belding’s Prank” episode of SBTB: TNC, “Budget Cuts” is an episode that seems to take place in a high school that has an absurdly powerful student body.  The school also has its very own radio station that broadcasts nonstop over the course of the entire day.  I’m not really sure how this would work, since it seems like this would interfere with things like students going to and concentrating in class but maybe that’s just the way things were in California during the mid-90s.

Anyway, sleazy Sly Winkle (played by Michael Cade) is given control of the radio station and he promptly gives shows to all of his friends.  Mark (Aaron Jackson) is a bitchy critic in the style of Addison DeWitt.  Sam (Jennie Kwan) gives love advice to a caller who, in the opinion of both me and Megan, was just a guy wearing an ugly wig.  Lorena (Diana Uribe) has a show that’s all about fashion.  (Yay!)  And Jake (Jay Anthony Franke) has a show where he tells people to “Shut up and listen!”

Anyway, the school board is making budget cuts and it appears that the radio station is going to be closed down!  After being pressured by Jake, Lorena ends up locking herself in the studio and refusing to come out until the school board agrees to hear the student demands.

Somehow, this works and then, fortunately, Jake shows up at the school board meeting and OH MY GOD!  JAKE’S WEARING A SUIT!  The live studio audience goes crazy at the sight of Jake all dressed up and with good reason.  The boy cleans up well.

But will it be enough to save the radio station?

What Worked?

Every teen sitcom has to have at least one episode where the show’s resident rebel makes an appearance wearing a suit as opposed to his leather jacket.  This, of course, is because we all know that the most important thing about a rebel is that he should be able to clean up well.  In this episode, Jay Anthony Franke cleans up very well.

What Did Not Work?

Four words: “Absurdly powerful student body.”  Seriously.  Between California Dreams and Saved By The Bell, California appears to be a state where teenagers are given the equivalent of diplomatic immunity.

“OH MY GOD!  JUST LIKE US!” Moments

Both Megan and I agreed that we both identified with the character of Lorena, both because of her temper and her sense of fashion.

Though this episode of California Dreams didn’t actually feature the band performing, Megan and I still decided that we should start a band of our own.  We’re going to call ourselves the Cleavage Sisters and we’re going to hire David Foster to write aggressively bland songs for us.  Megan will sing them while I dance around the stage.  It’ll be fun!

Lessons Learned

Sometimes, people don’t like to be told to “shut up and listen.”

What Lisa And Megan Watched Last Night #61: Saved By The Bell: The New Class S2E9 “Belding’s Prank” (dir by Don Barnhart)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, as Christmas came to a close, my sister Megan and I continued to celebrate the holiday week by bonding over yet another episode of a bad (yet oddly addictive) 90s sitcom.  Last night, we watched “Belding’s Prank,” an episode from the 2nd season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class.

Why Were We Watching It?

You can read the full details here but, long story short, I’m spending my holiday week in Ft. Worth with my sister Megan and Megan (because she’s the best) has every episode of Saved By The Bell: The New Class on DVD.  When I learned this, I naturally became super excited because, when I was too young to know any better, I used to watch SBTB: TNC every Saturday morning.  Anyway,  for the past few days, Megan and I have been bonding over bad sitcoms from the 90s.

(For the record, Megan claims that, if she ever saw a single first-run episode of SBTB, it was just because she was waiting for California Dreams to come on.)

Last night, we watched several episodes of SBTB: The New Class but the one that made the biggest impression on me was the 9th episode of the 2nd season, Belding’s Prank.

(Before anyone asks, yes — we both would have rather been watching Django Unchained or Les Miserables but yesterday, it snowed!  Needless to say, we were all excited to look out the window and see snow falling on Christmas.  We had fun playing in the snow but there was no way that any of us we were planning on trying to drive in it.  Seriously, we live in Texas, where 80 degrees is considered to be a cold front.  We don’t know the first thing about driving in the snow.)

What Was It About?

SBTB: TNC was infamous for changing its cast of characters almost every season.  When I first saw the show, the main character was Ryan (played by the adorable Richard Lee Jackson) but what I didn’t realize was that Ryan was actually the third main character.  He was preceded by a guy named Scott and another guy named Brian Keller.  Belding’s Prank is a Brian episode.  When we first started watching this episode, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to follow the episode because I didn’t know much about Brian (played by Christian Oliver) as a character.  However, I quickly discovered that Brian had absolutely the exact same personality as Ryan (and, I assume, Scott) and therefore, it really didn’t matter.

Anyway, in Belding’s Plot, it’s prank week at Bayside!  Brian is encouraging everyone to engage in increasingly elaborate pranks.  Bayside’s principal, Mr. Belding (Dennis Haskins), thinks that it’s all a lot of fun.  However, Belding’s assistant, Screech (Dustin Diamond) is concerned because there’s a new district superintendent and he could drop by the school at any minute.  It appears that Mr. Belding has yet to meet (or even see) the new superintendent (which is kinda odd when you think about it) and when the superintendent does show up, Belding assumes that it’s a prank.  The superintendent, meanwhile, sees that Bayside is in chaos and he promptly fires Mr. Belding.

This is where things get weird.  The superintendent holds a school assembly to introduce the new principal.  Since this is Saved By The Bell, there’s only about 20 students at the assembly.  Anyway, before the superintendent can announce the new principal, Brian stands up and shouts, “We don’t want a new principal!  We want Mr. Belding back!”  Now, instead of suspending Brian for disrupting a school assembly, the superintendent replies that the students should have respected their principal if they liked him so much.

“Here’s your new principal,” the superintendent announces, “Mr. Richard Belding!”

Mr. Belding steps out on stage.  The 20 students at the assembly go wild.  So, was Mr. Belding really fired or was he just playing a prank on the students?  Or did Brian’s words sway the superintendent?

Seriously, what the Hell’s going on?

What Worked?

Say what you will about this episode overall, it’s here that Dennis Haskins gave perhaps his best performance in the role of Mr. Belding.  When Belding came out of his office and told the assembled student, “I’ve been fired,” you truly felt both the man’s pain and the disappointment he felt towards the entitled students who had just ruined his life.  I may be wrong but I’m pretty sure that Haskins even had tears in his eyes as he delivered the line.

What Did Not Work?

Okay, let’s ignore the obvious flaws.  I won’t go into the odd logic of the film’s plot.  I won’t mention the fact that the student body at Bayside High appears to be abnormally powerful and influential for a bunch of public school students.  I won’t even talk about the fact that Dustin Diamond is in this episode.

However, I am going to point out one of the most glaring continuity flaws in the history of this show.

As you may remember, in the original Saved By The Bell, Belding’s office was this tiny and depressing room with ugly wood paneling and a window that was never opened.  Starting with the second season of The New Class, Belding got a new cheerful office.  This office was much larger, much more colorful, and it had large windows that showed off the green campus of Bayside High.  A good deal of this episode took place in Belding’s “new” office and, watching it, I couldn’t help but think about how much more cheerful Belding seemed to be now that his office was less oppressive.

However, if you’ll remember, there was a flash forward episode of the original Saved By The Bell that took place in 2003.  This was the episode where a bunch of students gathered in the principal’s office so that they could watch a video time capsule left behind for them by Zach, Slater, and Screech.  In this episode, it’s established that Mr. Belding is still principal of Bayside in 2003…

AND HE’S BACK IN HIS OLD OFFICE!

But that’s not all!  When SBTB: TNC ended in 2000 (3 years before the time capsule episode), it was established that Belding was leaving Bayside so that he could take a job as dean of a college in Tennessee.  It was also suggested that Screech (despite never having graduated from college) would be his replacement as principal…

So, what happened during those 3 years that led to Belding returning to Bayside and moving back into his old office?  And why did Belding pretend like he barely remembered Screech while watching that time capsule video?

Seriously, this was really bugging me last night.  Fortunately, it turned out that it was really bugging Megan as well.  We spent about half an hour trying to figure out what had happened and we came up several possible scenarios, all of which concluded with Belding returning to California and murdering Screech in one grisly way or another.

Seriously, we had a lot of fun with it.

“OH MY GOD!  Just like me!” Moments

None.  Everyone in this episode was just too stupid.

Lessons Learned

It’s fun to come up with grisly ways to kill off an annoying character.

What Lisa (and Megan) Watched Last Night #60: California Dreams 4.15 “Dancing Isn’t Everything”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone and Happy Holidays!  I am currently writing to you from Ft. Worth, Texas where the Bowman sisters have gathered to celebrate Christmas.  That’s right, world!  The Bowman girls are back together again!

Last night, after a long day of looking at presents and arguing about whether cats are better than dogs (and, by the way, they so are!), my sister Megan and I bonded over some old 90s sitcoms.  And that is how we came to spend 21 minutes last night watching the “Dancing Isn’t Everything” episode of California Dreams.

Why Were We Watching This?

A few weeks ago, I was really excited because I discovered that there was a YouTube account that was solely devoted to posting old episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class.  When I was a little girl, I loved SBTB: TNC (though I always hated Screech) so naturally, I was excited to have the chance to indulge in a little nostalgia.  For two days straight, I watched SBTB: TNC on YouTube and then suddenly, all the episodes were gone and replaced with a message saying that the account had been suspended for “multiple reports of copyright violation.”

Oh my God!  I was so devastated!  And, to tell the truth, I’m still upset about it and I imagine I will be for the rest of my life.  Seriously, who cares if the SBTB: TNC copyright was violated?  Whoever was responsible for those “multiple reports” better hope that they never meet me because if they do, the claws will come out!

Now, I can hear you asking, “Lisa, what does this have to do with an old episode of California Dreams?”  I’m getting there, dammit!

Last night, after everyone else had gone to bed, Megan and I were staying up late and talking about how different the world was now than when we were little.  This, of course, led to me telling her the sad story of how SBTB: TNC no longer has a home on YouTube.  That was when Megan revealed to me why she is the best big sister in the entire history of big sisters.  Megan owns not only every episode of SBTB and SBTB: TNC on DVD, she also owns the first four seasons of the show that came on right after Saved By The Bell, California Dreams!

Now, I have to admit that I don’t remember much about California Dreams.  I may have seen an episode or two when I first started watching SBTB: TNC
and later on, I remember that reruns of California Dreams used to show up in syndication along with episodes of the original Saved By The Bell.  The show, however, never really made much of an impression on me.  Megan, however, claims that California Dreams was “a thousand times” better than Saved By The Bell and since Megan is the best, I’ll give the show the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, long story short: along with watching several episodes of SBTB: TNC, we also watched an episode of California Dreams.  Megan allowed me to select the episode that we would watch and when I selected “Dancing Isn’t Everything,” Megan said, “Let me guess — because there’s dancing, right?”

Exactly.

What Was It About?

The California Dreams are a rock group who sings songs about “surf dudes with attitude.”  Their groupie, Lorena (Diane Uribe), wants to win a dance contest at the local hangout.  Their manager, Sly (Michael Cade), wants Lorena and enters the dance contest with her even though he’s a terrible dancer.  Meanwhile, the California Dreams sing a song that features the keyboardist chanting, “He’s so funky!”

What Worked?

The show was all about dancing so it all worked!

Seriously though, watching this episode was like opening up a time capsule.  Just check out the guy using a pay phone at the start of the episode!

Megan and I quickly agreed that Sly and Lorena made a cute couple and the scene where Sly continually breaks out into disco moves whenever the judge’s back is turned was comedic genius.  We also enjoyed the look on Sly’s face as he read Lorena’s subtitles.

Finally, how can you not enjoy a show that features a song with a “He’s so funky!” chorus.

What Did Not Work?

Regardless of the episode’s title, dancing is everything.

“OMG!  Just like me!” Moments

Needless to say, I totally and completely identified with Lorena during this entire episode.

Lessons Learned

Everything’s better when you do it with someone that you love.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #59: Dead Season (dir by Adam Deyoe)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Okay, I know what you’re going to say.  “Hey, Bowman, Dead Season was just on the SyFy network a few hours ago.  What’s up with this last night crap?”  Well, it’s true that I did watch Dead Season from 8 to 10 on Saturday night.  It’s also true that,  as I sit here starting this review, it is a few minutes passed midnight.  In other words, it is now Sunday and therefore, I can truthfully say that I watched Dead Season last night.

Seriously, people, work with me here.

Why Was I Watching It?

Tonight, as far as watching a movie on television was concerned, I had two options.  I could have either watched Elf on ABC or I could have watched Dead Season on SyFy.  I ended up going with Dead Season because I’ve already seen Elf a few thousand times and I know that I’ll probably end up watching it again on Christmas Eve with my sisters.  Plus, watching a bad movie on SyFy (and writing about it on twitter while doing so) has become something of a Saturday night tradition for me.

What Was It About?

(Minor Spoilers Below)

Your guess is as good as mine.

Seriously, Dead Season generated a near record number of tweets last night and the majority of those tweets were some variation of “WTF!?”  I somehow managed to pay attention to the entire film and I’m still not 100% sure what I saw.  However, here’s my interpretation of the film’s plot:

The zombie apocalypse has hit.  All across the world, the dead are wandering around and eating people.  The few remaining living humans spend their time listening to vinyl records and talking to each other via short wave radio.  If I sound a little bit confused, that’s because the first few minutes of the film is narrated by a guy who is using one of those radios and appears to be exclusively broadcasting on the static channel.

Elvis (Scott Peat) is a doctor who meets a woman named Tweeter (Marissa Merrill).  Tweeter has a kid with her who might be her son but then again, he might not be.  Actually, it’s probably best just to pretend like the kid isn’t in the film.  That’s what we did on twitter.

Eventually, Elvis and Tweeter set sail on a boat and they end up on some jungle island off of South America.  The jungle is full of zombies but luckily, they come across a compound that’s run by Kurt Conrad (James C. Burns).  Kurt has a collection of soldiers, a small harem of concubines, and a daughter (Corsica Williams) who hasn’t left her room in 10 months.

Kurt welcomes Elvis and Tweeter into the compound.  Tweeter starts to bond with Kurt’s daughter while Elvis discovers that his new job is to be both the camp’s doctor and the camp’s cook.  Apparently, Kurt’s a cannibal and eats other survivors.  Elvis is reluctant to take part but Kurt tells him, “I’ve seen you walk in the darkness.”

Meanwhile, Tweeter comes across a bunch of home movies, which she watches while Elvis and Kurt debate the morality of the zombie apocalypse.

And then some other stuff happens.

Again, your opinion of what happened in the film might differ.

What Worked?

While we were talking about the movie on twitter, my friends and I agreed that absolutely nothing worked.  Seriously.  At one point, #deadseason actually became a trending topic and I felt the need to issue an apology to anyone who might end up watching the film as a result.

That said, with the hindsight the comes from three hours of contemplation, I can now say that — despite the fact that their characters were kinda annoying — both Scott Peat and Marissa Merril did about as well as they could with the material that they were given to work with.

What Did Not Work?

Good Lord, where to begin?

Storywise, the film felt like a total rip-off of The Walking Dead.  However, after doing a little research on the imdb, it appears that this film was actually in production before The Walking Dead even premiered.  That said, it was still impossible to watch the film and not unfavorably compare it to The Walking Dead.  The zombies are even called “walkers” at several points.

Technically, the film is a mess.  This is one of those films where various members of the camera crew make cameo appearances.  Most noticeably, the film has one of the most out-of-control, garbled sound tracks that I’ve ever heard.  One conversation between Kurt and Elvis was literally unintelligible because of the overpowering sound of chirping crickets.

Finally, this is one of those zombie films where people are constantly getting blood splashed all over their clothes but yet they never seem to consider changing outfits.  Seriously, I would hate it if I got blood all over the only shirt I had bothered to bring to the zombie apocalypse.  Tweeter spends the first third of the film in a blood drenched shirt and, despite the fact that she’s on a boat and surrounded by water, it never seems to occur to her to try to wash the blood off.  Honestly, after spending a week in a blood-covered shirt, I’m just going to take it off.  I don’t care who sees my boobs.

Admittedly, I am a bit of a clean freak but surely, I’m not alone in this.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

If there’s one rule that I learned from zombie films and that I live by, it’s that you should always be sure to pack an extra lacy black bra in case of a zombie apocalypse.  Tweeter, as is revealed several times during the film, agrees with me.

Lessons Learned:

I didn’t learn a damn thing.  So there.