Last night, the Snarkalecs and I watched the SyFy original film, Abominable Snowman.

Why Were We Watching It?

That’s a question that many of us wondered as we sat through this film.  Let’s just say that Abominable Snowman was no Tasmanian Devils.

What Was It About

This one’s just dumb.  Two guys vanish in the Alps and then, 20 year later, one of the guy’s son goes looking for them and then he disappears too.  So, the guy’s sister recruits a bunch of friends and they go looking for him and eventually, they all end up running into two abominable snowmen.  That’s good because, otherwise, the title would have just been stupid.

What Worked?

The abominable snowmen were kinda cute and I found it interesting to observe the way that they seemed to either shrink or grow depending on the narrative demands of the film.

As a result of the nonstop snark from the Snarkalecs, Abominable Snowman was soon a trending topic on twitter and this, of course, led to a lot of non-Snarkalecs popping up and demanding: “Will somebody please tell me why #AbominableSnowman is trending!?”

This led to me replying: “If you’re wondering why #AbominableSnowman is trending, you either don’t live in Seattle or you’re not watching CNN right now.“

Hopefully, that caused some confusion.

What Did Not Work?

The entire freakin’ film.

Allow me to repeat that: The entire freakin’ film did not work.  Seriously.  Not only did the film feature the most unlikable group of characters ever assembled for a SyFy film (even more unlikable than the semester-at-sea students from 2-Headed Shark Attack) but it then proceeded to kill them off in the blandest ways possible.  There was not a single scene or death in Abominable Snowman that would have gotten more than a 1.5 on the Ohno Scale.

For the record, Abominable Snowman was not produced by the Asylum.  If it has been, it probably would have been a lot more fun.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

There was really only one character in the film that I related to.  That would be the local bartender who shows a lot of cleavage and has to deal with a drunk helicopter pilot constantly trying to look down her shirt.  That’s as close as this film got to providing me with an “Oh my god!  Just like me!” moment.

Lessons Learned

I refused to learn anything from Abominable Snowman.