Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Well, let’s check in with Brooklyn….

Episode 1.3 “Welcome Back”

(Dir by James Komack, originally aired on September 23rd, 1975)

“I remember my first  day….” Gabe Kotter narrates as the viewer watches him and Mr. Woodman walk down the distressingly dirty hallways of James Buchanan High.

It’s a flashback episode!  Well, kind of.  The third episode of Welcome Back, Kotter was actually the show’s pilot.  As Kotter’s voice-over only makes one appearance at the start of the episode, it’s pretty obvious that it was a last minute addition to explain why the third episode featured Kotter meeting the Sweathogs for the first time.  Apparently, the folks at ABC felt that The Great Debate episode worked better as an introduction to the show than the pilot.  I’m not sure why, as the pilot does a perfectly serviceable job of introducing everyone.

Kotter is not particularly enthused about returning to the high school from which he graduated ten years prior.  Mr. Woodman isn’t happy to see Kotter again, either.  As they walk down the hallway, Mr. Woodman is still accusing Kotter of having started a food fight in the cafeteria.  (Woodman insists that it was a riot.)  Woodman says that since he doesn’t have any choice about Kotter being assigned to his school, he’s going to assign Kotter to teach the worst kids in school, the Sweathogs!

Entering his classroom, Kotter asks the students to introduce themselves.  Not surprisingly, only four of them actually do so.  Vinnie Barbarino stands up and shows off the smile that made John Travolta a superstar.  Epstein is introduced as being the student who is “most likely to off someone.”  Epstein explains how his ancestors were the first Epsteins to land in Puerto Rico.  Freddie says, “Hi there.”  And Horseshack laughs in that grating way of his.  Kotter attempts to teach his class by allowing them to sit wherever they want and then engaging in a game of the Dozens with Barbarino.

“Up your nose with a rubber hose,” Barbarino says and the audience goes crazy.

Kotter insults Barbarino’s family.

“Off my case, Toilet Face,” Barbarino replies and the audience goes crazy, again.

Kotter starts to mention Barbarino’s mother.

“My mother is a saint!” Barbarino explodes.

Woodman suddenly shows up in the classroom.  When he demands to know what Kotter is doing,  Kotter looks to his class to back him up.  When none of them do, Kotter decides to quit his teaching job.

Oh hey, I guess the show is over, right?

No, it’s not.  Later, back at the apartment that he shares with Julie, Kotter is shocked when Barbarino and Freddie crawl through the window.  He’s even more surprised when Epstein, Horseshack, and Rosalie Totsie (Debralee Scott) show up at the front door.  Epstein explains that they stole a cab so they could visit Kotter’s apartment.  They want to see how “the original Sweathog” turned out.  Though Kotter pretends like he isn’t happy to see them, it soon becomes apparent that he knows he’s right where he belongs.  Plus, Julie likes them because …. well, I’m not sure why.  To be honest with you, if I was in her situation, I wouldn’t like for my husband’s students to come climbing in through the apartment window.  That would be a deal-breaker for me.  Freddie and Barbarino do attempt to steal Kotter’s TV but Horseshack returns it.  Awwww!

And Kotter returns to the classroom.  Yay!

As far as pilots go, it’s easy to see why this one was a success.  John Travolta’s smile could light up a room.  Actually, all of the actors playing the Sweathogs do a good job in this episode.  Travolta dominates because he’s Travolta but the entire cast has a nice comedic chemistry.  At the end of the episode, Kotter says, “Welcome back,” to himself and he sincerely seems happy to be there.  He’s made peace with being a Sweathog forever.

Episode 1.4 “Whodunit?”

(Dir by Robert LaHendro, originally aired on September 30th, 1975)

In their tiny apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his aunt’s parrot and a dead butcher.

Meanwhile, at the school, Gabe sees Rosalie Totsy (nicknamed “Hotsy” by the Sweathogs) crying in the hallway.  After a game of charades, Gabe figures out that Rosalie is pregnant!  Who could the father be!?  Sebastian Leone, perhaps?

No, according to Rosalie, the father was a Sweathog.  Or, as Gabe calls them, the Marx Brothers….

This leads to a rather sweet scene in which Horseshack goes down on one knee and offers to marry Rosalie, even though he knows he’s not the father.  He says that he wants to give her baby a good name and that Horseshack means “The cattle are dying.”  Though touched by his sincerity, Rosalie turns him down.  Gabe then invites Rosalie to come to his apartment so that she can talk to Julie.  I’m not really sure if it’s a good idea for any teacher to invite a student to come to their apartment but whatever.

The important thing is that it leads to Rosalie demanding that the father of her baby marry her.  All the Sweathogs are forced to admit that, despite all of their boasting, none of them have actually had sex with Rosalie.  Rosalie then announces that she was lying about being pregnant.  She just wanted to get all of the Sweathogs to go on record that she wasn’t a slut.  “I ain’t easy!” Rosalie explains.

And …. yes, that’s one way to do that, I guess.  I mean, I could understand where Rosalie was coming from because I went through the same thing when I was in high school.  But I would have been happier if the episode had ended with a message that it really wasn’t anyone’s business whether Rosalie was having sex or not.  Instead, the audience specifically applauded Rosalie for not being a slut, which felt just as judgmental as the audience previously laughing at the idea that she was.  I kept waiting for someone to point out just how ridiculous it was that Rosalie had to pretend to be pregnant to get the Sweathogs to stop talking about her behind her back but apparently, that didn’t occur to anyone in the writer’s room.

After everything’s been resolved and Gabe is back home, Julie interrupts Gabe’s comic book time to tell him that maybe they should start a family.  Gabe’s like, “Hell no!”  He then says that Julie is all the family he needs at this point in his life.  “I love you, honey,” Julie swoons.  “Good,” Gabe says, “Tomorrow, call my mother and explain to her why you’re not pregnant.”  The audiences applauds and Julie beats up on Gabe.

I wasn’t a huge fan of this episode but I’ll give credit to Ron Pallilo.  That proposal scene was really sweet and nicely performed.

Next week: Barbarino enters politics!  Sebastian Leone better watch out!