Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.16 and 1.17 “Follow The Leader”

Posted on July 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we’ve got a two-parter!

Episode 1.16 “Follow The Leader, Part One”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 20th, 1976)

“Julie,” Gabe asks as they have dinner at the apartment, “Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Sylvester, who was a real nut?” Uncle Sylvester went into a psychiatrist’s office and said, “Doc, you’ve got to help me! I’m a dog!” When asked how long he had felt like that, Sylvester replied, “Ever since I was a puppy!”

Julie is amused by the joke but she’s not amused when, the next morning, Arnold Horshack wakes her and Gabe up by tapping on their window. Apparently, Horshack has gotten into the habit of coming over to have breakfast with Gabe and Julie and Julie is sick of it! “We don’t have any privacy anymore!” Julie says, “Everywhere we go, there’s a Sweathog!”

Gabe gets upset at Julie for not appreciating the Sweathogs and announces that if Horshack wants to eat with them, Horshack is going to eat with them. He then allows Horshack into the apartment, where Julie gives him the stare of death. It seems like this might lead to trouble later….

(For the record, Julie has every right to be upset as she’s basically standing there in her bathrobe while Horshack hops up and down in her apartment. I mean, Gabe could have at least let her get dressed before letting his creepiest student climb in through the window.)

At school, Gabe teaches the class about democracy. He asks them how leaders are selected. Epstein says that leaders are elected except for Gerald Ford, who became president because he was the only person in Washington who wasn’t under arrest. Trying to reach his students, Gabe makes the mistake of saying that Vinne Barbarino is the leader of the Sweathogs.

“You’re the leader of the Sweathogs?” Freddie says to Barbarino.

“Is a bear Catholic?” Barbarino replies, “Does the Pope live in the woods?”

Gabe says that if the Sweathogs were democratic, they would have voted for who they wanted to lead them. The Sweathogs agree to vote, with Epstein assuring Barbarino that there’s no way they would ever vote him out.

“Does anyone want to challenge Vinnie Barbarino?” Gabe asks.

Freddie Washington stands up. “Hi there.”

The Sweathogs vote by raising their hands. Barbarino gets five votes. Freddie gets five votes. Oh my God, a tie! Wait a minute …. Epstein didn’t vote! After Gabe tells Epstein that it’s up to him to pick the leader of the Sweathogs, Epstein smiles and says, “Washington!”

Awwwww! Poor Barbarino! He looks heart-broken!

Epstein explains that Barbarino has been leader for a long time and that it’s time for “New Blood.”

“Hi there,” Freddie says, “I’m Boom-Boom New Blood.”

Barbarino calls the Sweathogs “punks” and then announces he’s dropping out of school before storming out the classroom.

Way to go, Gabe!

Later that day, Julie attempts to make up with Gabe be bringing him lunch at school but she’s upset when he starts to talk about Barbarino dropping out of school. “Can’t you talk about anything other than work!?” Julie demands, even though Gabe is actually at work. Julie gets even more upset when Epstein and Freddie enter the classroom, despite the fact that — again — Gabe is at work and it actually is Epstein and Freddie’s classroom.

Julie storms out of class, saying that Gabe can’t take anything seriously. Stunned Gabe barely notices as the other Sweathogs return from their lunch. Then, he hears Barbarino calling for him out in the hallway. Gabe steps out in the hall, to discover Barbarino wearing a skull cap and dress like a priest. Barbarino explains that his father got so angry at Barbarino for dropping out of school that he kicked Barbarino out of the house.

“Don’t worry,” Barbarino assures Gabe, “I don’t feel this is your fault, even though most of it is.”

Barbarino says that he needs to place to stay until he can figure out what to do. Even though he has to know what’s going to happen as a result, Gabe eventually agrees to bring Barbarino home with him.

Needless to say, Julie is not amused. She yells at Gabe and Gabe yells back and, for a few moments, I remembered all the stories that I’ve heard about how Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along off-screen. On-screen, Gabe Kotter tries to lighten the mood by asking Julie if he ever told her about his Aunt Ira.

“I don’t care about your jokes, Gabe,” Julie replies. Ouch!

Julie walks out on Gabe.

OH MY GOD! The 30 minutes are up! How will they resolve this? Well, let’s find out….

Episode 1.17 “Follow The Leader, Part Two”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 22nd, 1976)

I have to admit that I was really hoping that Part Two would open with Gabe telling Barbarino a joke about his uncle and Barbarino totally not getting it. Instead, it opens with a recap of Part One.

After the recap, the show begins with Gabe sleeping on his fold-out couch and …. is that Vinnie Barbarino sleeping next to him? The audience goes crazy because Barbarino isn’t wearing as shirt but me …. well, okay, Barbarino looks good and I would have totally had a crush on Young John Travolta too. Still, it already seems strange enough for a student to live with a teacher without the two of them sleeping in the same bed.

Anyway, Epstein wakes them up by knocking on the window. (The audience goes even crazier as Barbarino struts over to the window to let him in.) It turns out that Horshack is with Epstein. They both want breakfast. Barbarino pours milk and cereal on them.

Entering the apartment, Epstein and Horshack discover that Julie has left Gabe. Horshack is upset. Epstein grins. While the Sweathogs get ready for their day, Gabe calls the local hotel and, after realizing that she checked in under her maiden name, he finally talks to Julie. Julie reveals that she’s called Gabe’s cousin, who also happens to be a divorce lawyer. Gabe kicks out Epstein and Horshack and then orders Barbarino to either go to school or get a job.

“I bet you don’t think I can get a job,” Barbarino says. “Well, guess what? You don’t need brains to get a job …. and I’m going to prove it!”

Gabe calls Julie again and finally gets her to agree to meet him at the apartment at 3:30. He promises that he’ll head home right after school.

Speaking of school, Freddie has managed to alienate all of the Sweathogs by letting his power go to his head. He orders Epstein to get a haircut and he tells Gabe that the Sweathogs need a recreation period. For some reason, Freddie wants to start the day with a square dance.

To my very real surprise, Gabe manages to get back to the apartment in time to clean up before Julie arrives. When Julie does arrive, she complains that Gabe cares more about the Sweathogs than her (and she has a point) and Gabe says that Julie needs to stop always feeling sorry for herself (and, let’s just be honest here, he has a point as well). Gabe tries to make his point by punching table and has to briefly step into the bathroom so he can yell in pain.

At the worst possible moment, Babarino shows up. He took Gabe’s advice and he got a job! He’s selling Tidy Didy cleaning products, door-to-door.

Gabe tells Barbarino to go back to school and tells Julie she has to build her own life instead of getting jealous of him and his job. Both Barbarino and Julie say that they’ll think about it before leaving.

At school, Gabe teaches a lesson about the two-party system and the importance of competition. Freddie admits that he doesn’t enjoy being the leader of the Sweathogs but he also doesn’t want to be a follower. Suddenly, Barbarino shows up and says that he’s back in school. Yay! He also suggests that the Sweathogs don’t need a leader. Freddie agrees. Yay!

Barbarino then says that he hopes that Gabe doesn’t mind that he asked out Julie.

“You asked my wife out?” Gabe replies.

“Yeah, just a couple of minutes ago. In the hall.”

Gabe steps out in the hall and discovers Julie waiting for him. They agree to work out their problems. Yay, I guess. Seriously, Julie seemed really miserable with Gabe. Julie does say that she would like to tell a joke once in a while.

“I can be very funny,” Julie says. The audience laughs because even they know better. “Why did the chicken cross the road? To keep his pants up. Why does the fireman wear red suspenders? To get to the other side.”

That night, back at their apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he ever told her about his Aunt Bertha.

“No, no, wait!” Julie says, “Let me tell you about Aunt Bertha.” Aunt Bertha was so fat that when she sat around the house …. she sat around the house. That’s the joke.

This two-parter wasn’t bad at all. I like the fact that Gabe and Julie were both, more or less, equally responsible for the problems in their marriage and young John Travolta got to show off his natural comedic timing. Of course, if you know anything about the behind-the-scenes issues on Welcome Back, Kotter (like the fact that Marcia Strassman hated her time on the show), a lot of what happens in this episode takes on a deeper meaning.

Next week, Epstein finally finds a career path that doesn’t involve prison!

Scenes I Love: The Sopranos Stage An Intervention

Posted on July 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Perusing the imdb, I saw that today was the birthday of the late Tony Sirico. Sirico was a former mob associate who, after serving a term in prison, reinvented himself as an actor. Because of his background, he was often typecast as gangsters but he also proved himself to be an intelligent performer with perfect comedic timing. For a lot of us, he will always be remembered for playing Paulie on The Sopranos.

Today scene that I love comes from The Sopranos and it features excellent work from the entire cast, especially Tony Sirico. In this scene from the 2002 episode “The Strong, Silent Type,” the Sopranos and their associates stage an intervention for Christopher Moltisanti and it goes about as well as you might expect. In just five minutes, this scenes manages to capture everything that The Sopranos was about, as well as giving each member of the cast a chance to shine. Since this is Sirico’s birthday, I’ll just recommend that viewers especially watch Paulie’s facial expressions while Adriana reads her letter to Christopher.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.12 “Rogues”

Posted on July 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

Max and McAllister continue their trip through California!

Episode 1.12 “Rogues”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on August 10th, 1984)

This week’s episode finds Max and McAllister on Los Angeles’s famed Rodeo Drive. We know that this episode takes place on Rodeo Drive because every single establishing shot opens with a close-up of the street sign. It’s as if someone in production said, “Do not let them forget that this episode is not only set on Rodeo Drive but we filmed it there as well!”

Wow, a television program filmed in Los Angeles! The Master was all about spoiling their audience.

Here’s my thing with Rodeo Drive — the word is pronounced Ro-Dee-O. Get out of here with all that Roe-Day-O nonsense, you yankees.

Anyway, this episode continues last week’s theme of McAllister and Max dropping in on people from Max’s past. Apparently, the hunt for John Peter McAllister’s long lost daughter has been abandoned so that Max can drop in on his old high school buddies. Seeing as how it hasn’t even been ten years since Max graduated from high school whereas McAllister has never even met his daughter and it’s totally possible that McAllister’s ninja rivals may be trying to kill her, it seems a bit odd that this is what Max and McAllister are concentrating on but whatever. We’re nearly done with this show anyway.

Max visits his ex-girlfriend, Talia (Cindy Harrell), at the health club where she works. Talia is an aerobics instructor, which means that there’s a lot of spandex in this episode. While McAllister deals with a trainer who takes one look at him and declares him to be in terrible shape (and she has a point because, unlike his stunt double, Lee Van Cleef was noticeably overweight and often seemed to be winded on The Master), Max talks to Talia and discovers that Talia’s brother, Jerry (Paul Tulley), became a cop and is now missing! Max promises to help her find Jerry.

However, it turns out that Jerry is just hiding outside the health club. When he sees Max’s van, he tosses a note inside of it, asking Max and McAllister to meet him. (How exactly did Jerry know that Max and McAllister would be able to help him?) It turns out that, while investigating a series of Rodeo Drive robberies, Jerry discovered that the culprits were rogue cops who had been hired by a local gallery owner. Now, the crooked policemen are after Jerry! Needless to say, it’s time for McAllister to put on his black ninja outfit so that Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double can beat up some corrupt law enforcers!

This was not a particularly memorable episode. The corrupt cops were generic villains and even the fight scenes, which were usually The Master‘s saving grace, felt sloppy and rushed. While it was always obvious that this show was dependent on stunt doubles, it was especially obvious in this episode as the stand-ins for both Van Cleef and Van Patten didn’t even resemble their respective actors. There was a brief moment of hope when the action moved to one of those police academy shooting ranges, full of fake buildings and cardboard targets but the show never really took advantage of the location’s potential. This was one of those episodes where it felt like the basic plot could have been used for a dozen other shows without having to make anything more than a few cosmetic changes. It could have just as easily been an episode of Half Nelson.

(L.A. — you belong to me! No, no, we’ve moved on….)

Next week …. The Master ends! Will McAllister even mention his missing daughter during the show’s final episode? We’ll find out!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.17 “Prose and Cons” and 5.18 “Why Y’All Clippin”

Posted on July 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, L-Train becomes a poet and “the kids” try to prank Ms. Noble because they literally have no life beyond obsessing on their principal. But before we get to any of that, let’s listen to that theme song and thrill to the shots of Scott Whyte and Wesley Jonathan wandering around New York City and totally looking like tourists.

Episode 5.17 “Prose and Cons”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

Chris, Al, and Jamal are obsessed with pranking Ms. Noble. Apparently, in his entire history as principal of Manny High, Ms. Noble has never been pranked. It’s something in which she takes a lot of pride, to the extent that she taunts Chris, Al, and Jamal about the fact that she’s never been pranked….

Does this sound familiar? Yes, because Ms. Bliss did the same thing on the forerunner to Saved By The Bell, Good Morning, Miss Bliss. Then, when she sat down on a chair that had been covered in brown paint and ruined her sweater, she accused Screech of being responsible and held a mock trail in her classroom. Of course, it turned out that Ms. Bliss actually pranked herself to teach the class a valuable lesson and to traumatize Screech in the process.

Anyway, the boys try to prank Ms. Noble by sabotaging a water fountain but that just leads to Cassidy getting sprayed by a bunch of water. And then they attempted to replace her gardening magazine with a magazine full of naked men that Jamal just happened to have with him for some reason but, once again, Cassidy and Dawn showed up and caused Ms. Noble to accidentally spill coffee on the magazine before Ms. Noble could read it. For their final attempt, Chris, Jamal, and Al somehow sneak a bunch of farm animals and several bakes of hay into Ms. Noble’s office. They manage to prank her but, while Al is sneaking in the animals, Ms. Noble unknowingly praises Chris and Jamal for showing so much maturity in not trying to prank her. So, Ms. Noble gets pranked but Chris and Jamal end up feeling guilty.

The prank stuff was stupid but it was at least kind of funny in the very silly way that Peter Engel’s better shows often were. Of course, the prank stuff was also only the B-plot.

The A-plot features L-Train suddenly becoming a poet and winning so many new fans that he starts to ignore his girlfriend, Kianna. The main problem with this storyline is that L-Train’s poetry sucked and the idea that he would become a hero at the local jazz club due to his doggerel was never a believable one. As always, Steven Daniel delivered his lines with a likable sincerity but the story itself just felt rushed. City Guys was nearly over by this point and it’s hard not to feel that the writers were just treading water.

Episode 5.18 “Why Y’All Clippin”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

Here’s the plot description from Wikipedia:

In this clip show, the whole gang is having problems over a yearbook picture and are giving each other the silent treatment. So Ms. Noble calls everybody to Manny High on Saturday to work things out by reflecting on memories of the good, the bad, and the ugly that they had over the span of their time as friends.

Hey, it’s a clip show! I hate those. I guess it’s a good thing that this is one of the season 5 episodes that is not available on YouTube.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.25 “Murder on the High Seas/Sounds of Silence/Cyrano de Bricker”

Posted on July 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Sonny Bono shocks the squares!

Episode 2.25 “Murder on the High Seas/Sounds of Silence/Cyrano de Bricker”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 17th, 1979)

Uh-oh! The singer who Julie hired to perform on the cruise had to cancel! Fortunately, Gopher has a connection at a talent agent and he is able to recruit a replacement. Meet Dominic Dark!

He’s pretty fearsome! When he arrives on the boat, he’s accompanied by his manager (Arte Johnson) and a living snake. When he performs in the Acapulco Lounge, he destroys his instruments and sings about how much he loves rebelling against conventional society. But underneath that KISS-inspired makeup and behind those sub-Alice Cooper-style lyrics …. wait a minute …. is that….

Yes, this is one of the four episode of The Love Boat to feature singer and future U.S. Rep. Sonny Bono as a passenger on The Love Boat. (Fred “Gopher” Grandy would also go on to serve in the House as well.) Not surprisingly, Mr. Dark turns out to actually be a rather mild-mannered gentleman named Phil Backstrom. Phil wants to abandon all the gimmicks and just make a name for himself as a singer but his manager orders him to keep putting on the makeup and to keep upsetting the squares. While on the cruise, Phil meets and falls in love with Sara (Sheila Lenham), who understands his love of music and who is also deaf.

It’s actually a pretty sweet story and Sonny Bono is so likable that it’s easy to see how he managed to go from singing to having a career in politics. But the main appeal of this entire storyline, and indeed this entire episode, is the chance to see Sonny Bono playing a 70s-style shock rocker. It’s one of those ideas that is so ludicrous that it’s actually kind of fun. Bono looks so awkward in his makeup that it’s hard not to root for him. I also liked the fact that the other largely middle-aged and obviously wealthy passengers all loved Phil’s act. It seemed like Phil’s biggest fans were the same people who, in theory, were supposed to be shocked by his antics.

As for the other two stories, Jill St. John plays Mitzi, an old friend of Doc’s who boards the boat with her new husband, Vinnie (Charlie Callas). It’s supposed to be their honeymoon cruise but Vinnie seems to be more interested in gambling than honeymooning. At one point, he says that, after living with Mitzi for two years before getting married, the honeymoon just feels like another trip. Needless to say, Mitzi leaves their cabin and decides to spend the cruise in Doc’s office. Doc Bricker is able to bring Mitzi and Vinnie back together but it’s hard not to feel that Mitzi made the right decision when she left Vinnie the first time. I mean, Vinnie’s a jerk! And he seems to have a bit of a gambling problem….

Finally, Isaac thinks that he overhears two people (Peter Lawford and Dana Wynter) plotting to kill Captain Stubing. This leads to Isaac and eventually the entire crew getting into a panic but it turns out that Lawford and Wynter are just two mystery novelists plotting out their latest book. The main problem with this plot is that it hinged on a mistake that Isaac, at least based on what we’ve seen of him in previous episodes, normally wouldn’t make. Misunderstanding a conversation seemed more like something that Gopher would do. Isaac has always been the smart and down-to-Earth member of the crew and Ted Lange never looks quite as comfortable with slapstick antics of this episode as Fred Grandy probably would have.

In the end, this was fairly negligible episode that was occasionally amusing due to the efforts of future congressman Sonny Bono.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.7 “The Wedding”

Posted on July 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Mr. Roarke gets married!

Episode 3.7 “The Wedding”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 3rd, 1979)

Helena Marsh (Samantha Eggar) and her son, Jamie (Paul John Balson), return to Fantasy Island!

The last time Helena visited the Island, she and Mr. Roarke ended up falling in love but Helena ended up leaving the Island so that she could return to the clinic that her late husband started in India. However, Helena has now come back to the Island and she has only one fantasy. She wants to marry Mr. Roarke! Mr. Roarke is going to make her fantasy come true. He’s so happy that he doesn’t even yell at Tattoo during this episode.

The entire Island is excited about the wedding. However, Tattoo grows concerned when he hears Helena’s parents (played by Laraine Day and Joseph Cotten) talking about how unfair it is that Helena is dying and probably won’t even survive the honeymoon. Tattoo goes to Mr. Roarke and discovers that Roarke knows that Helena is dying. Mr. Roarke assures Tattoo that Helena has one of those television diseases where death comes with little to no suffering. Unfortunately, Jamie does not yet know that his mother is ill.

The Hawaiian-style wedding goes off without a hitch. Mr. Roarke and Helena honeymoon on the other side of the island and, for the first time since this series began, Ricardo Montalban actually gets to wear something other than a white tuxedo. While Jaimie helps Tattoo train Chester the Chimpanzee to stop stealing things, Helena enjoys her last few days with Mr. Roarke. Unfortunately, the honeymoon is cut short as Helena grows ill. From his grandfather, Jamie learns that his mother is dying. “If life were fair,” Mr. Roarke says with tears in his eyes, “there would be no need for Fantasy Island.”

Awwwww! Seriously, what a terrifically sweet and sad episode this turned out to be. Ricardo Montalban and Samantha Eggar had fabulous chemistry together and Montalban, in particular, really seemed to be energized by the chance to do something other than act mysterious and enigmatic. In this episode, Mr. Roarke finally gets to show his emotions and when he cries, you’ll want to cry too. Helena dies peacefully on the island, in the arms of Mr. Roarke. Her final fantasy has been granted.

As for Jamie, he decides that he can’t stay on the Island. He has to go back to school so that, someday, he can become a doctor just like his mother.

Oh my God, I’m like seriously tearing up just writing this recap.

This episode was Fantasy Island at its sentimental and emotional best. This was a great episode, featuring outstanding performances from Ricardo Montalban and Samantha Eggar. Would you believe that an episode of Fantasy Island could make a reviewer cry? Well, this episode did.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.13 “Fighting For Your Dreams” and 5.14 “My Family”

Posted on July 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the fifth season comes to an end,

Episode 5.13 “Fighting For Your Dreams”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on January 8th, 2000)

The previous episode of Hang Time ended with Deering High’s season coming to an unexpected end. It also featured Michael and Julie as an established couple and Mary Beth seemingly over Hammer. That episode aired in December of 1999.

It would be over a month before the next episode of Hang Time aired.

That next episode, Fighting For Your Dreams, features the Tornadoes in the middle of their season, Michael still being rather shy about asking Julie if she wants to see a movie with him, and Mary Beth still hung up on Hammer. Obviously, this episode was meant to air earlier in the season but, for whatever reason, it didn’t.

It’s actually not a bad episode. The University of Kentucky is interested in recruiting Antonio for their basketball program but, after Antonio injures his knee during practice, it looks like his playing days might be over. Antonio wants to spend all of his time feeling sorry for himself in his apartment but eventually both Kristy and Coach K convince him to stop feeling sorry for himself and start physical therapy. There was one extremely dumb scene in which Kristy, Eugene and Silk hired an actor to pretend to be the recruiter and give Antonio a pep talk but otherwise, this was an effective story and Jay Hernandez, Amber Barretto, and Dick Butkus all gave heartfelt performances.

As for Mary Beth, she and Hammer eventually broke up over the phone because the long distance relationship just proved to be too difficult to maintain. Awwwwwwww! Poor Mary Beth.

Episode 5.14 “My Family”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on March 11th, 2000)

Two months after the Fighting For Your Dreams episode aired, Hang Time got around to finishing out season 5 with My Family.

The family in question is Coach K’s. This episode finally reveals a little about Coach K’s past. We are informed that he’s divorced, his ex-wife lives up in Canada, and he hasn’t seen his 17 year-old daughter, Kate (Amber Willenborg), in a while. Coach K is super excited when Kate shows up in Indiana. It’s a chance for the two of them to rebuild their relationship. Coach K has an entire weekend in Chicago planned for the two of them.

What Coach K doesn’t know is that Kate has a baby. Kate is scared to tell him so, instead of taking her child with her to Chicago, she instead gives him to Julie, Kristy, and Mary Beth, three people who she barely knows. Needless to say, this leads to a whole lot of scenes of, “Ewww! The baby needs to be changed” and “Oh my God, the baby has a fever! Take him to the hospital!” The baby’s cute but Kate’s decision to just abandon him with three people that she’s just met just doesn’t feel right. Anyway, Kate tells Coach K about the baby in Chicago and they immediately head back to Indiana so that he can meet his grandson. And, much as with the previous episode, Dick Butkus saves the episode by giving a surprisingly sensitive performance. Coach K loves his grandson! Awwwww!

The B-story features the boys selling pagers to raise money for ski trip. Who cares? It’s dumb.

Next week: the sixth and final season begins! The end is in sight!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 7/16/23 — 7/22/23

Posted on July 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

City Guys (YouTube)

I wrote about City Guys here.

Claim To Fame (Monday Night, ABC)

Claim to Fame is a show where 12 relatives of celebrities compete to be the last relative standing. If someone guesses who you are related to, then you’re out of the show. If someone incorrectly guesses who you are related to, they are out of the show. It’s all really, really silly but it’s also a lot more fun than it probably has any right to be. It helps that the show is hosted by the totally charming duo of Kevin and Frankie Jonas.

I watched the first three episodes of the second season on Sunday morning. The highlight, of course, was the epic meltdown of Tom Hanks’s niece, who really only had herself to blame for being eliminated because she literally had a panic attack whenever anyone mentioned that someone on the show might be related to Tom Hanks. As I finished the third episode, I decided that Olivia and Chris were my two favorite players and that Hugo was least favorite, largely due to the fact that Hugo just seemed awfully impressed with himself.

I watched the latest episode on Monday night. Eddie Murphy’s daughter was finally sent out of the house. I say finally because everyone pretty much figured out who she was during the second episode. That said, she seemed to be a nice person.

Degrassi High (YouTube)

Old school Degrassi! As much as I hate to admit, I haven’t seen much of either Degrassi Junior High or Degrassi High but I intend to remedy that soon. On the two episodes I watched, the school bully discovered that he was HIV+ and Joey’s attempt to raise money for a new car failed. It was interesting seeing Joey when he was younger and still had hair.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Happy Hour (YouTube)

I watched the 2nd episode of this old 90s game show on Saturday morning. Dweezil and Ahmet Zappa hosted. Ahemt had a bit too much energy for his own good but at least Mario Lopez was one of the contestants. There was an extremely creepy moment when a woman was brought out of the audience and talked about how obsessed she was with Mario. Also interesting was to note that this episode was nearly 30 years old but Mario Lopez looked exactly the same as he does today. The man seriously does not age.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

Night Music (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this 90s late night music show on Friday night. Bootsy Collins performed and it was very entertaining.

The Simpsons (Weekdays, FXX)

I watched two episodes of this long-running show on Thursday afternoon. In the first episode, Bart was expelled from Springfield Elementary but, fortunately, he was allowed to re-enroll after he exposed the truth about whacking day and saved the lives of a bunch of snakes. This was followed by an episode in which Marge forgot to pay for a bottle of whiskey and was sent to jail for 30 days. Needless to say, the entire town fell apart without her and was forced to settle for a Jimmy Carter statue when they couldn’t afford one of Lincoln. This led to riots, as one would naturally expect.

Stars on Mars (Monday Night, Fox)

I binged and got up-to-date with this stupid, stupid show throughout the week. As dumb as it is, it’s compulsively watchable. On the one hand, it was great to see William Shatner hamming it up as the host. On the other hand, is it really time for Lance Armstrong redemption tour?

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about “The Sit-In” here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 1.15 “The Sit-In”

Posted on July 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Gabe teaches the Sweathogs how to fight the man!

Episode 1.15 “The Sit-In”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 13th, 1976)

As this episode begins, Gabe is running late but he still takes the time to tell Julie about his Uncle Bernie. Apparently, Uncle Bernie was always late because he was always fighting with his wife. Aunt Helene always said Bernie was going to be late to his own funeral. Bernie replied that he was going to be buried at sea. I didn’t get it either but at least Gabe got to tell his joke. That seems to be important to him.

You know what isn’t a joke? Food fights at school! Mr. Woodman shows up in Gabe’s classroom, wearing a raincoat and a hat because he says that he’s heard that the Sweathogs are going to start a food fight in the cafeteria. Gabe argues that the Sweathogs would not start a food fight in the cafeteria without protecting themselves, just for the Sweathogs to all show up for class wearing costumes that range from a football helmet to a fireman’s uniform to a doctor’s mask to a garbage bag. (Not surprisingly, Horshack is the one who went with the garbage bag.)

“They’re not people, Kotter, they’re not people!” Woodman announces.

“Why didn’t you tell me today was going to be dress-up day?” Gabe asks, “I could have spray-painted my suit and came as a subway train.”

It turns out that the Sweathogs are planning a food fight as a protest against the cafeteria serving liver for lunch. Kotter encourages the Sweathogs to work through the system and put together a petition. When he tells this to Woodman, Woodman replies, “What system, Kotter? There’s only one system here! You’re free to do as you’re told! …. We all have to eat this swill and if I die, I’m taking all of you with me.”

(Woodman, to my surprise, is quickly becoming my favorite character on this show. John Sylvester White’s portrayal, with its suggestion that Woodman is slowly losing his mind, never fails to make me smile.)

Realizing that the petition isn’t going to do the job, Gabe encourages his students to stage a sit-in. For some reason, they all sit down in the classroom instead of the cafeteria. After several hours, Woodman steps into the classroom and discovers the sit-in. Gabe tells Woodman that they’re committed. “If you’re not committed, you should be,” Woodman says, before madly laughing.

Though the Sweathogs want to go home, Gabe demands that they stay in the room and protest. (One gets the feeling that Gabe is once again forcing the Sweathogs to take part in his own midlife crisis.) The Sweathogs agree to continue to the sit-in.

That night, Gabe and Epstein keep everyone amused by doing their imitations of Groucho and Chico Marx.

Unfortunately, it didn’t occur to anyone to bring food into the classroom and the Sweathogs, suffering from hunger pains, once again start to abandon the protest. Gabe tells them that they can’t leave but the Sweathogs are starving! Suddenly, Julie shows up with a picnic basket and announces that she has brought everyone “my famous tuna casserole.” The Sweathogs decide to starve. Gabe tells Julie that not even famine victims would eat her tuna casserole. Ouch! Honestly, if I was Julie, I would leave at that point and just let everyone starve but Julie announces that she used to organize sit-ins in college and she’s staying and she’s even brought pillows and blankets.

Gabe announces that it’s time for everyone to get some sleep for the night. Barbarino tells Gabe that he always sleeps in the nude. “Go ahead,” Gabe says and the audience goes crazy because seriously, young John Travolta was insanely hot. Barbarino disappoints everyone by saying that it’s too cold for him to sleep in the nude. Boooo!

Gabe turns out of the lights. Horshack starts to cry because he doesn’t have his teddy. “You can’t have your teddy,” Gabe replies. “How about Mrs. Kotter?” Horshack asks. “You can’t have my teddy either,” Gabe replies. Meanwhile, Barbarino says his prayers and Epstein says, “Send my regards.” This leads to the Sweathogs debating what God is like. Epstein thinks he sounds like John Wayne. Washington thinks that God has a jazz band. Julie says that God is love and “that if God was here, he would love my tuna casserole.”

And you know what? This is actually a surprisingly sweet scene but I still have no idea how doing a sleepover in a classroom, something that the Drama Club did on a nearly weekly basis when I was in high school, is going to get the liver out of the cafeteria.

The next morning, Woodman comes by the classroom and discovers that everyone spent the night. Woodman says that it doesn’t make a difference because no one cares if the Sweathogs spent the night in the classroom but then a bunch of regular students show up and say they’re joining the sit-in.

“Down with liver!” everyone starts to chant.

Woodman announces that there will no longer be any liver in the cafeteria because “the real students don’t like it either.” So, basically, the Sweathogs still don’t matter. They got what they wanted but not because they wanted it. That’s kind of sad really.

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a story about his Uncle Jack and how his wife fell out of an airplane. Does it concern Julie that all of Gabe’s jokes are about husbands killing their wives? I mean, I would be careful about bringing up the tuna casserole around him.

Anyway, this was actually a pretty likable episode and an example of what a talented cast can do with an otherwise middling story. During the firsts season, at least, this show was very good about giving every member of the cast a chance to shine.

Next week, we have a two-part episode in which Vinnie Barbarino drops out of high school!

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.11 “Failure to Communicate”

Posted on July 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we meet Max Keller’s father!

Episode 1.11 “Failure to Communicate”

(Dir by Sidney Hayers, originally aired on May 4th, 1984)

This week’s episode of The Master opens with McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) teaching Max (Tim Van Patten) how to fight even while blindfolded. McAllister explains that, when one’s sight is taken away, the other senses become even stronger. Hmmm…. I wonder if this will prove to be relevant to their next adventure?

Having apparently given up on trying to find McAllister’s daughter (not that they ever seemed to be trying that hard to begin with), Max and McAllister head to Los Angeles so that Max can visit his father. Max’s father, Patrick (Doug McClure), has been estranged from Max ever since the death of Max’s mother and older brother. However, under McAllister’s guidance, Max has learned the importance of forgiveness.

However, before Max can drop in on his father, he and McAllister have to rescue Kathy Hunter (Ashley Ferrare), who is being chased by three men in a cemetery. McAllister is impressed when Kathy uses some martial arts skills of her own to fight off the men. (Kathy explains that she has been in training for six years.) McAllister takes Kathy home to her father, a wealthy bunker named Jason Hunter (J.D. Cannon). Max, meanwhile, goes to his father’s law office.

However, Patrick is not at his office. Instead, Max meets Patrick’s administrative assistant, Laura Crane (Rebecca Holden). Laura is blind but, as we saw at the start of the program, that just means that all of her other senses are now superhuman. As soon as she meets Max, she knows that he recently stopped off at a gas station and that he drives a van. All it takes is for her to touch his face for her to realize that she is Patrick’s son.

Patrick, unfortunately, is not doing too well. He is now an alcoholic and he’s more likely to be found in the local cocktail lounge than in court. He’s in danger of losing his license and he’s also struggling financially. In fact, at the cocktail bar, Patrick is meeting with Straker (Marc Alaimo), one of the men who previously tried to abduct Kathy in the cemetery. Straker is blackmailing Patrick into helping with Staker’s next attempt to kidnap Kathy. Of course, when Max arrives at the bar looking for his father, all Hell breaks loose when Max sees the men from the cemetery. Patrick can only watch as Max and a late-arriving McAllister chase the men out of the bar.

After the bar fight, Max and Patrick have a tense meeting at Patrick’s office. Max accuses his father of being a bitter drunk. Patrick says that Max is irresponsible. Patrick tells Max to get out of his life. Meanwhile, McAllister escorts Laura back to her apartment. Okassa (Sho Kosugi) shows up and we get yet another fight, this time between Sho Kosugi and Lee Van Cleef’s very busy stunt double.

The next day, Patrick, Laura, McAllister, and Max all end up at a reception for Kathy. Patrick spots the three kidnappers at the reception and, having had a change of heart, attempts to lead Kathy outside to safety. However, this just leads to both Patrick and Kathy being kidnapped. Straker calls Kathy’s father and demands a $3,000,000 ransom but, fortunately, Laura smelled cemetery dirt on the men who grabbed Kathy so Max and McAllister head back to the cemetery, break into a church, and manage to rescue both Kathy and Patrick!

Yay! I guess the episode’s over, right?

Nope, not even close.

While Max and McAllister are rescuing Patrick and Kathy, Straker is busy kidnapping Laura. Straker then calls Kathy’s father and announces that he still expects to get his 3 million or “your lawyer’s secretary gets it!” Kathy’s father is like, “Why would I pay 3 million dollars for someone who I don’t even know?,” which is kind of a fair question even if it’s not a popular one. McAllister, however, tells Kathy’s father that it’s important to take care of everyone, even the strangers.

Patrick finally breaks down and admits that he was a part of the plot to kidnap Kathy. He tells Max and McAllister that the man behind the plot is actually Paul Stillwell (Mark Goddard), who is Jason Hunter’s head of security. (This seems familiar….) Patrick also explains that Stillwell is holding Laura prisoner on the Princess Louise, a decommissioned cruise ship that has been turned into a floating restaurant.

Accompanied by Patrick, Max and McAllister go to the ship. Unfortunately, Okassa pops up out of nowhere and gets into another fight with Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double so it falls to Patrick and Max to rescue Laura. (Patrick suddenly turns out to have some martial arts skills as well, which is a bit odd considering that Patrick is a middle-aged, overweight, out-of-shape, alcoholic attorney.) The bad guys try to outsmart Max by turning out all the lights on the boat but Laura is able to use her supersenses to help Max beat up Straker’s men in the dark. Laura is rescued and the bad guys are sent to prison!

As for Patrick, the Hunter family decides not to press charges because they understand that Patrick was being blackmailed. Swearing that he’s going to live his life the right way from now on, Patrick pours out his last remaining liquor bottle. Hooray!

This was one of those episodes that was a bit too busy for its own good. Rather than have Max and McAllister fight against worthy opponents, this episode just had Max and McAllister continually defeat the same three idiots over and over again and you have to wonder why it never seemed to occur to the bad guys to change their strategy when it came to whole kidnapping thing as opposed to repeating the same thing over and over again. With all of those kidnappings and rescues, there really wasn’t much time left for the emotional heart of the story, which should have been Max mending his relationship with his father. Considering how much of this series has focused on Max and McAllister’s family issues, it was a bit anti-climatic that Max’s real father just turned out to be some drunk who was being blackmailed. At least some of the fight scenes were well-choreographed and Rebecca Holden did a good job as Laura Crane, even if the character herself was occasionally too flawless and perfect to be believed.

Next week, maybe McAllister will finally remember that he’s supposed to be looking for his daughter. We’ll see!