Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.13 “Milk Run”

Posted on December 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs fail to observe movie line etiquette.

Episode 1.13 “Milk Run”

(Dir by John Nicolella, originally aired on January 4th, 1985)

At Miami International Airport, Tubbs is sweating buckets (one thing I do appreciate about Miami Vice is that it captures that Yankees never seem to get used to Southern humidity) while Crockett watches and smiles at a woman in a miniskirt. Not surprisingly, ZZ Tops’s Legs is playing on the soundtrack. Having good legs is definitely a plus in life. They’ve certainly helped me out.

Anyway, Crockett and Tubbs notice that two teenagers have just paid for a ticket to Colombia in cash. Crockett and Tubbs confront them in the airport cafeteria, causing both Louis Martinez (Evan Handler) and his friend, Eddie Rivers (Al Shannon), to make a run for it. They manage to outrun both Crockett and Tubbs. Louis and Eddie may not be as streetwise or experienced as the two cops but they’re definitely a lot younger and a lot quicker.

Louis is enthusiastic about Eddie flying down to Colombia and smuggling cocaine-filled statues into the United States. Eddie is more nervous about it and keeps saying that he wishes he could just go home and pretend like they never agreed to help this week’s villains, the Moya cousins.

Not surprisingly, at least to anyone who has watched this show, Crockett and Tubbs just happen to be investigating a drug warehouse that belongs to the Moyas. After the warehouse blows up, they discover a locker full of the statues and they also find out that the Moyas are into Santeria. This leads to a scene where they attempt to interrogate one of their informants (played by Rainbow Harvest), a Santeria high priestess who works at a “punk rock movie theater.” (Don’t ask me, I didn’t write the episode.) While Crockett keeps bothering her at work, Tubbs has a tense conversation with her boyfriend, who is played by a youngish Eric Bogosian!

The two stories eventually link back up. Eddie flies to Colombia but he and Louis are arrested by Crockett and Tubbs as soon as he returns to America. While Louis continues to play tough, Eddie talks about how he wishes that he could just go back home and not get involved in any of this. Crockett promises Eddie that he’ll make sure he gets home safely. Can you guess who ends up getting gunned down the cartel at the end of the episode?

Milk Run was an episode about which I had mixed feelings. At first, it was hard for me to have much sympathy for either Louis or Eddie. But, at the same time, I also had a hard time having much sympathy for Crockett and Tubbs. Whether they were holding up a line to interrogate a ticket agent at the airport or holding up the line to interrogate the Santeria priestess at the movie theater, they ended up holding up a lot of lines and that’s a pet peeve of mine. But, by the end of this episode, I felt sorry for Eddie and the dark conclusion drove home the episode’s point. There’s no way to escape your decisions. Of course, by this point, we pretty much know what’s going to happen whenever Crockett promises to keep someone safe but that didn’t make the ending any less effective.

This was an okay episode. The ending was powerful and it featured a strong supporting turn from John Kapelos in the role of a sleazy attorney. In the end, the message was clear. Don’t get involved with a shady business unless you’re totally prepared to deal with the consequences.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 1.12 “Parents’ Night”

Posted on December 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Though not as dramatic as last week’s episode, this week’s episode is just as important to the future of Degrassi.

Episode 1.12 “Parents’ Night”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on April 5th, 1987)

When it comes to this week’s episode of Degrassi Junior High, it helps to know a little bit about franchise’s history. On the surface, this is a fairly standard episode, with Wheels, Joey, and Spike all getting a storyline. But if you know what waits for these characters in the future, then you know this is one of the most important shows of the franchise’s history. Much like last week’s It’s Late, this episode sets up the storylines that will play out over the next three decades.

Spike is still adjusting to being pregnant. As she tells the Farrell twins, she doesn’t want to have an abortion but she also know that, at the age of 14, she’s too young to be a mother. Shane, she says, has barely spoken to her since discovering that she’s pregnant. Spike is considering giving up the child for adoption. The Farrell twins suggest that Spike speak to Wheels, who is adopted himself. In a rather sweet scene that is well-played by both Amanda Stepto and Neil Hope, Wheels tells Spike that he’s never been angry over being adopted. He also says that he’s never been curious about his birth parents. Much like Spike and Shane, they were simply too young to raise a child.

Wheels has a lot going on in this episode. He’s the bass player in a band! Joey and Snake are also in the band. Joey wants to call the band Joey and the Joy Buzzers. Snake wants to call them Snake and the Charmers, which is actually pretty clever. Wheels says that he’s fine with whatever because Wheels, at this point in the show, is the most well-balanced kid in school. Sadly, this won’t last.

While leaving rehearsal for the upcoming Parents’ Night Talent Show, Wheels is approached by a man named Mike Nelson (Dave James). Mike introduces himself as Wheels’s father and he gives Wheels his number. With Joey’s encouragement, Wheels calls Mike and even meets with him at a local diner. It’s an awkward meeting but, when Wheels finds out that Mike is also in a band, he starts to feel a connection to his father.

However, Wheels also feels guilty because he hasn’t told his parents that he’s been talking to Dave. This eventually leads to him getting angry with Dave and yelling at Dave for trying to re-enter his life. Dave calls Wheels’s adoptive parents and apologizes. When Wheels’s parents tell him that it’s okay if he wants to talk to Dave, Wheels worries that they don’t really want him. Eventually, after giving it some thought, Wheels realizes that he can have a relationship with both his birth father and the people who raised him.

As for Joey’s storyline, he forges a letter from his parents, in which “they” tell Mr. Raditch that they will not be coming to Parents’ Night. Mr. Raditch sees right through him. Oh, Joey!

As I said, it’s a fairly simple episode but it works due to the wonderful and empathetic performance of Neil Hope. Unfortunately, the tragic details of Neil Hope’s life after Degrassi has often overshadowed just how good he truly was on the show. Indeed, it’s not always easy to watch him, bright and full-of-life in Degrassi Junior High, with the knowledge of what the future holds for both the actor and the character. Hope, whose own life provided the inspiration for a few of Wheels’s storylines, was such a good and natural actor that Wheels is compelling despite having the second worst nickname on the show. (Snake, of course, wins the prize for worst nickname. That said, the character was apparently nearly named Slim, which would have been even worse.)

So, why is this episode so important to the future of Degrassi? The reasons below are all technically spoilers but, if you’re a big enough Degrassi fan that you tracked down this review, I’m probably not telling you anything that you don’t already know.

First off, the band will eventually get a name and it won’t be Joey and the Joy Buzzers or Snake and the Charmers. It would be Zit Remedy and Joey’s attempts to become a star would not only be a major plotline through Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High but it would also frequently be mentioned in Degrassi: The Next Generation as Joey vicariously lived his rock dreams through his stepson, Craig Manning. Famously, Zit Remedy only wrote and performed one song but that song has had a very long life on the show. Everybody wants something, right?

(As well, Zit Remedy was the first of MANY bands to be formed at Degrassi. Hell Hath No Fury, Downtown Sasquatch, Studz, and Whisperhug would all follow but Zit Remedy was there first.)

Though this episode ends with Wheels at peace with both his birth father and his adopted parents, that peace wouldn’t last. One reason why it’s kind of sad to see Wheels happy in this episode is because Wheels would rarely be happy for the rest of the series. Musical “talent” is not the only thing that Wheels and Dave have in common. Dave is an alcoholic and Wheels is destined to end up in prison after killing a kid while driving drunk. (Following this seemingly innocuous episode, Wheels’s life got dark!)

As for Joey, he’ll never be a rock star but eventually, he will make peace with Mr. Raditch, to the extent that Raditch will even joke with him when Joey comes up to the school after Craig is caught skipping class.

And finally, Spike is not going to give up her baby for adoption. Instead, she’s going to keep her daughter and, in the future, Emma Nelson will be at the center of the Degrassi universe. (And Snake will even be her stepfather!)

Next week, season one comes to a close!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.9 “Phantom of the Market”

Posted on December 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, someone is stealing disgusting gourmet food!

Episode 1.9 “Phantom of the Market”

(Dir by Stan Harris, originally aired on November 27th, 1985)

Howard is super-excited because he has been named Cobb’s Manager of the Year! The manager of the year wins a Hawaiian vacation for two because, apparently, there’s not a single Cobb’s manager who has a large family. I get the feeling that the whole manager of the year thing is a scam to give the the company’s managers an excuse to go to Hawaii with their secretaries. That’s certainly what Howard is planning to do, though at least he’s actually unmarried and dating Edna.

(Being a Canadian company, I would think Cobb’s would reward its employees with a Discovery Islands vacation but no, Cobb’s would rather send its employees to the USA.)

Howard’s employees even go through the trouble of making and hanging a big banner congratulating Howard. Of course, they hang it upside down but Howard is in such a good mood that he doesn’t even yell about it. Unfortunately, Howard’s mood is soon ruined when a corporate stooge (played by Grant Cowan) shows up and tells Howard that his store is missing $400 worth of gourmet meat and that Howard is going to lose his job if he can’t figure out what has happened to the missing inventory.

Feeling that it might be an inside job, Howard and Alf spend two nights at the store in hopes of catching whoever it is. The first night, Howard falls asleep and wakes up in his underwear. Somehow, the thief took all of his clothes without waking up Howard. Howard wraps himself in the banner, which I would think would make him look even more undressed than when he was just wearing shoes, boxers, and his undershirt. (How did the thief undress Howard without taking his shoes off? Again, how did Howard sleep through that?) The second night, Howard discovers that Cobb’s actually has a basement and that basement is occupied by Henry Weinberg (Antony Parr).

The well-dressed and well-fed Henry explains that his family used to own the land on which the store was built. Henry has been living in the basement of various Cobb’s stores for several years and he’s been stealing their food. He gives Howard a box that he says contains the ashes of his grandfather. Howard is surprisingly accepting of all this.

The next day — yay! All of the missing inventory is back. Howard gets to keep his job and go to Hawaii. Henry shows up in the story and tells Howard that he stole replacement food from all the other grocery stores in the area. After Henry leaves, Alf informs Howard that Henry is actually a comedian who used to do a bit about putting his grandfather’s ashes in a box. As Henry speaks, Howard discreetly spills the ashes onto the flood and kicks them underneath a shelf. Yikes!

This was kind of a strange episode but, in this case, the weirdness worked to the show’s advantage. In previous episodes, Don Adams sometimes seemed to be overacting. In this episode, everyone was acting bizarrely and, as such, Adams’s exaggerated reactions actually fit well with the situation. Add to that, this episode featured the return of Viker, the dumb but very confident electrician played by Gordon Clapp. As played by Clapp, Viker’s earnest stupidity was definitely the high point of the episode.

Next week, everyone car pools to work! I really can’t imagine that going well but we’ll find out what happens soon!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/26/23 — 12/2/23

Posted on December 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Bar Rescue (Paramount Plus)

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which Jon Taffer went to a bar in San Antonio and yelled at the owner, who was basically spending all of her time drinking as opposed to actually running her business. The thing that amuses me about this show is how Taffer acts like running a bar is the most important calling in the world.

On Wednesday, I watched an episode in which Taffer went to a bar in Brooklyn and his camera crew was actually attacked by some unruly bar patrons. Agck! That was kind of scary. That said, I always enjoy the New York episodes of Bar Rescue because it’s fun to watch the rudest people in the world get yelled at by the rudest television host.

On Thursday, while it rained outside, I watched as Jon Taffer tried to save an ant-infested music venue. He got mad because the owner kept laughing awkwardly but I think the guy just had a nervous habit. I followed this up with an episode in which a drunk sports bar owner turned out to be so obnoxious that his entire staff quit on him and Taffer didn’t even invite him to the grand re-opening of his bar. (The owner still showed up, completely drunk.) It was actually kind of a sad episode. Taffer kept yelling at the guy for not smiling enough but some people just aren’t natural smilers.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will drop in about 30 minutes.

CHiPS (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Saturday, I watched a really sad episode featuring this crazy woman who was harassing a mother who had lost one of her daughters to cyberbullying. The woman was incredibly unstable and never seemed to understand just how loathed she was by the audience. Seriously, the ability to go online on a whim has done terrible things to some minds.

On Monday, I watched a rare three-part episode in which Dr. Phil confronted a professional catfisher named Khalid. Khalid tried to be very charming when the interview began but, over the course of 90 minutes, he grew more and more hostile and defensive. It was interesting to watch, even if Khalid ultimately got away with his crimes.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode featuring a woman who was planning to leave her husband so that she could pursue Kip Moore. The audience was amused but I found the episode to be kind of depressing. Dr. Phil once again claimed that his son was a country music star, which I don’t think was actually true.

On Saturday, after watching a docuseries about the Love Has Won cult on HBO, I watched two episodes that Dr. Phil did about the group.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

I wrote about Jennifer Slept Here …. here!

Kitchen Nightmares (Monday Night, Fox)

This week, Chef Ramsay went to a restaurant in South Brooklyn, where the two owners had an extremely toxic relationship. I enjoyed this episode because everyone involved was extremely Italian. I was happy when Rey walked out of the restaurant because I felt his behavior was abusive. I was less happy when Danny quit but I can understand his logic. He just wanted to do his job but instead, he kept getting dragged into everyone’s personal drama. I was really happy when Kelly learned how to run the business on her own but I was disappointed that she apparently took Rey back as her partner.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God (Saturday Afteroon, HBO2)

This creepy three-party documentary provided a look inside the Love Has Won cult and its leader, a former McDonalds manager who was believed to be God by her followers. She and her followers were addicted to filming themselves and the documentary was filled with footage of the group. It was easy to be dismissive of the members of the cult but almost all of them seemed to be damaged souls, people who dealt with their personal traumas by going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy-thinking and flakey spirituality.

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Sunday morning. Mike and the bots watched the 1959 film, Santa Claus. I like Tom Servo because he’s an intellectual.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 2.23 “I Wonder Who’s Kissing Gabe Now”

Posted on December 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 2 ends as the new art teacher tempts Gabe to have an affair with someone who actually likes his jokes!

Episode 2.23 “I Wonder Who’s Kissing Gabe Now”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on March 3rd, 1977)

The second season finale opens with Gabe telling Julie a joke about his cousin Mark, who went back to the old neighborhood and dropped in on the old shoe repairman. The shoe repairman saw that Mark was carrying a sales ticket from several years ago and he said, “Your shoes will be ready next Tuesday!” Julie laughed politely.

The second season finale closes with Gabe telling Julie a really long joke about the time his Aunt Mabel went to see a psychiatrist on Park Avenue and was basically led back to the outside of the building because she didn’t make enough money to see a Park Avenue doctor. Again, Julie laughed politely.

From the very first episode, Gabe telling Julie a joke about his family has been one of this show’s mainstays. Sometimes, Julie smiles in response. Sometimes, she gives up a pity laugh or two. And sometimes, she seems downright annoyed with Gabe for wasting her time. Gabe’s jokes are obviously very important to him. (And, of course, they served to remind the audience that, when he wasn’t starring on a sitcom, Gabe Kaplan was a stand-up comedian.) However, Julie never really seems to be too enthusiastic about them. I imagine that a lot of this was due to the fact that Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along behind-the-scenes but, for the show, it really does make you wonder just how much longer Gabe and Julie are going to be married. I mean, by this point, it’s obvious that the reason Gabe spends so much time with the Sweathogs is so he won’t have to deal with Julie. And Julie’s bad cooking is obviously a result of her secret desire to poison her husband. This marriage just feels doomed.

The Sweathogs are certainly concerned about that. When Epstein overhears the new art teacher, Paula Holtzgang (Denise Galick), telling Gabe that she has fallen in love with him, he is stunned. He is even more shocked when he sees Gabe and Holtzgang kissing. Of course, what Epstein doesn’t realize is that Paula was the one kissing Gabe and not the other way around. Epstein tells the Sweathogs what he witnessed. Horshack panics, wondering who will get custody of the Sweathogs if the Kotters split up. Barbarino tries to solve the problem by showing off some of his dance moves as Paula leaves the school but, to his shock, she ignores him.

For his part, Gabe tells Julie about what happened and he says that he told Paula he wasn’t interested. Julie demands to know if Paula is prettier than her. Gabe says that Paula is a “different type” than Julie ….. which, yeah, that was not the right answer. Fortunately, Gabe does not tell Julie that Paula kissed him. Instead, the Sweathogs show up at the apartment and, attempting to save the marriage, tell Julie that she shouldn’t worry about the kiss.

With Julie on the verge of demanding a divorce, Gabe kicks the Sweathogs out of the apartment and he then assures Julie that he loves her and he can’t wait for their child to be born. He even has a name picked out: “Farrah Fawcett Kotter.”

The next day, Gabe enters his classroom to find Paula waiting for him. Paula says that she no longer finds Gabe attractive and leaves.

And that’s it for the second season!

Wow, what a strange episode to end on. I mean, I guess it was good because it confirmed that Gabe and Julie will not be getting a divorce even though it’s obvious that they hate each other. And this episode also reinforced how much the Sweathogs loved their teacher. John Travolta got to show off his dance moves and that’s always a good thing. But, overall, this episode was broad even by the standards of Welcome Back Kotter, with the Sweathogs coming across as being a bit to cartoonish for their own good. The Sweathogs have always been a bit over the top but, in the past, they were still at least believable as tough but sometimes vulnerable Brooklyn teens. But, for the past few episodes, they’ve become more like comic book characters than real people.

And yes, there was a Welcome Back, Kotter comic book:

Anyway, that’s it for the second season! Next week …. season 3 begins! Will the Sweathogs ever graduate?

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.9 “Root of all Evil”

Posted on December 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Lloyd returns!

Episode 1.9 “Root of all Evil”

(Dir by Allan King, originally aired on November 28th, 1987)

Remember Lloyd (Barclay Hope)?

Lloyd is Micki’s fiancé, an attorney who obviously has a lot of money. Way back when this series began, Micki promised Lloyd that it would only take her a week or two to deal with her late uncle’s estate. That was all we heard about Lloyd for the next few episodes and I have to admit that I had assumed that the show had forgotten about him.

Well, it turns out that I was wrong. In this episode, Lloyd calls up Micki at the antique shop and basically accuses her of trying to get out of marrying him. Micki, who obviously cannot begin to explain what she’s been doing at the antique shop, tells Lloyd that her uncle’s estate is really complex. Lloyd wants Micki to come back home. Micki, herself, says that she wants to go back home. Ryan, however, tells Micki that they have an obligation to get all of the cursed antiques.

(One of the best things about the first season so far has been the contrast between Ryan’s enthusiasm for dealing with the supernatural and Micki’s more cautious approach towards their mission. Wisely, the show doesn’t take sides. Ryan often acts without thinking while Micki often spends a lot of time trying to rationalize each of the curses. Both approaches have their strengths and their flaws.)

Lloyd eventually shows up at the antique shop and Micki finally tells him what’s going on. She even shows him the vault, which includes the psycho doll from the show’s pilot. (The doll gives Micki and Lloyd a rather nasty look.) Lloyd is still not convinced and, at first, Micki takes some comfort in the fact that he’s not a Ryan-style believer. She considers marrying Lloyd and returning to a life of pretending that the supernatural doesn’t exist.

While Micki is dealing with all of that, Ryan and Jack are dealing with a homicidal gardener named Adrian (played by future Veronica Mars co-star, Enrico Colantoni) who has a cursed mulcher. When he stuffs a person into a mulcher, the body is transformed into however much money the person was worth, both financially and morally. Jack and Ryan go undercover as gardeners and, as you can probably guess, Adrian is eventually fed into the mulcher. The mulcher doesn’t feel that Adrian is worth even a dollar, which means that it just grinds his body up and blood goes flying everywhere. This is definitely one of the more gory episode of the show so far.

As for Lloyd, even after he sees proof that magic is real and that the antiques actually are cursed, he still says that Micki should abandon the store and marry him. Micki realizes that Lloyd doesn’t care about anyone but himself and she dumps him. (If she had fed him to the mulcher, she could have at least gotten some money out of the deal.) The episode ends with Ryan welcoming Micki back to the antique shop and Micki realizing that she’s home. Awwwwww!

I liked this episode, mostly because it tied up a loose end from the pilot, suggesting that the show’s writers actually were paying attention to what they were doing and also showing that Friday the 13th was more than just a show about the supernatural. It was also a show about the bonds of family and friendship. Robey finally got to do something more than look scared and ask Jack what to do. And, it must be said, the mulcher was an enjoyably grisly creation. Still, I do have to wonder …. who buys a mulcher from an antique store?

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.7 “Fast Friends”

Posted on December 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Mr. T whacks the attack!

Episode 2.7 “Fast Friends”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on November 14th, 1988)

On a rainy night in Toronto, Jonah (Leslie Toth) asks his friend Adam (Peter Spence) for permission to borrow Adam’s car. Jonah explains that he’ll only need the car for an hour and he just has to do some “business.” He promises Adam that this business has nothing to do with drugs. Adam hands over the keys.

So, from the start, this episode establishes that Adam is idiot.

I mean, seriously, once can just look at the sweaty and fidgety Jonah and tell that he needs the car to pick up some drugs. When someone who hasn’t taken a shower in a week tells you that he has to go out and do some “business,” it’s guaranteed that the business is going to involve drugs. And even if Jonah was being honest about not being involved in the Canadian drug trade, who lets anyone borrow their car? Even if it was a life-and-death situation, I would not give any of my friends the keys to my car. That’s right — I would rather that someone die than let them drive my car.

But Adam feels differently. He hands over his keys and, of course, Jonah drives to a warehouse and picks up several vials of crack cocaine. Jonah is in debt to some drug dealers so he needs to pick some crack to sell on the streets. But since Jonah is a no-good junkie, he smokes a little before he gets back in his friend’s car. While trying to return the car, Jonah attracts the attention of the police. Jonah abandons the car in an alley and runs for it.

When Adam finds out about what happened, he yells at Jonan and then, stupidly, heads down to the alley to get the car. Adam is shocked to find crack cocaine all over the front seat because, again, Adam is an idiot. Suddenly, the cops show up and arrest Adam!

Despite the best efforts of Detective Luntz (Alar Adema), Adam refuses to betray Jonah. He claims that he was at home all night and that someone stole his car and left it in the alley with the drugs. Detective Luntz continually points out that Adam’s story makes no sense because, if Adam’s car was stolen, how did Adam know where to find it?

It looks like Adam is doomed but, fortunately, his mother hires Amy Taler and T.S. Turner! While Amy talks to Luntz in the hallway, Turner talks to Adam and shows off his new, far less menacing mohawk.

Adam tells T.S. about Jonah. T.S. tracks down Jonah at a local drug den. When Jonah tries to run, T.S. grabs him and says, “I know who you are, I know what you’re doing, and I don’t like it …. Talk to me, brother!” That’s all it takes for Jonah to realize the error of his ways. After T.S. beats up the drug dealers, Adam is released from custody. However, Jonah still confesses to possessing the drugs because it’s the right thing to do.

And that’s the episode! This was another instance in which the show’s 30-minute running time led to the story feeling a bit rushed. T.S. tracked down Jonah with remarkable ease and he really didn’t seem to have any trouble convincing Jonah to turn on his dealers. That said, the scene in which T.S. walked through the crack house was well-directed and full of a lot of creepy visuals. Say what you will about Mr. T’s range of an actor, this episode featured him at his most sincere. One gets the feeling that beating up drug dealers was something that Mr. T did whenever he had a break from filming.

Next week on T and T …. oh, who knows? Toronto’s a wild city.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.10 “Help Wanted: Angel”

Posted on November 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Mark falls in love and Jonathan directs a movie.

Episode 1.10 “Help Wanted: Angel”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 21st, 1984)

This is a strange episode.

The first half of the episode plays out like almost a parody of Highway to Heaven. In fact, I would assume that it was a parody except for the fact that this was only the show’s tenth episode and that’s a bit early for any show to start intentionally parodying itself.

Still in Hollywood, Jonathan and Mark come across a sign that has been posted by someone named Joey. “Angels Needed,” the sign says. The sign has an address that turns out to be a community center, one that is populated by a mix of cranky retired people and young criminals. The center’s maintenance worker is a developmentally challenged young man named Joey Smalls (Dennis Fimple). Joey put up his sign because he wants an angel to help an elderly screenwriter named Martin Lamm (John Lormer). Martin has written a script about a magician and he wants to not only make the film but also fill the cast with people from the neighborhood.

No sooner have Mark and Jonathan stepped into the community center and met Joey and Martin then they are suddenly joined by a man named Petros (Al Ruscio). Petros speaks in a thick Greek accent and he says that he has also seen Joey’s sign, he has read Martin’s script, and he wants to produce the movie. And he wants Jonathan to direct it and Mark to play the role of a sea captain who falls in love with a woman who has “a past,” as Petros puts it. As the woman, they cast Stella (Stella Stevens), who actually does have a past.

We then jump forward several weeks. Jonathan is directing the film, even though he doesn’t seem to have a crew and we don’t actually see any cameras filming anything. Joey has impressed everyone with the sincerity of his acting and he is now friends with former gang member, Chewy (Randy Vasquez). Mark, meanwhile, is falling in love with Stella.

So, that’s the first half of the episode. It’s all very broadly acted and the dialogue frequently crosses the line from sentimental to mawkish. I have to admit that I rolled my eyes more than a few times because it all felt so overdone.

But then, the second half of the episode opens with Petros approaching Jonathan. Jonathan asks Petros about his past. Petros says that he was born in Galilee and that, before starting his current line of work, he was a fisherman. Jonathan realizes that Petros is actually St. Peter and he’s been sent down to help Jonathan out with his mission. It turns out that Jonathan’s mission is not really about Joey or Martin. Instead, it’s about Stella, who is going to die and it’s about Mark, who is about to lose the woman that he’s fallen in love with. Realizing that Stella’s character is also going to die in the movie that he’s supposedly directing, Jonathan asks if they can just rewrite the script but Peter tells him that they can’t. What is going to happen is going to happen.

And it does happen, though not before Mark asks Stella to marry him and Stella says yes. When she finds out that she’s ill, Stella leaves Mark a note saying that she’s dumping him for an ex-boyfriend. At first, Mark is angry but, with Jonathan’s help, he realizes the truth. Mark finds Stella waiting for him on the beach where they filmed their scenes for the movie and they get married as the ocean crashes behind them. And then, off-screen, Stella dies.

And I went from rolling my eyes to actually wiping away tears because, as broad and kind of annoying as the first half of the episode was, the second half was sensitively directed by Michael Landon and sincerely acted by both Victor French and Stella Stevens. If the first half felt like a parody, the second half was a reminder of why this show still remains popular on so many streaming platforms. At its best, there was an unapologetic earnestness to Highway to Heaven. This was a show that said that it was okay to cry and to have emotions and to care about people. This was a strange episode but, ultimately, a surprisingly effective one.

Retro Television Review: Jennifer Slept Here 1.9 “Risky Weekend”

Posted on November 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Joey has the house to himself …. kind of.

Episode 1.9 “Risky Weekend”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on April 14th, 1984)

It’s the weekend and George and Susan Elliot are going out of town. They’re taking their daughter with them but they’re leaving teenage son Joey alone in the house. George leaves the family’s sailboat sitting on the back patio so that “It will look like we’re still here!” How could this go wrong?

Jennifer is certainly excited about the house being nearly empty but Joey tells her that he has a big test coming up and he just needs some peace and quiet so that he can concentrate on studying. Jennifer agrees to leave him alone for the weekend but what she doesn’t know is that Joey is a damn liar. He and his friend, Marc, are planning on throwing a party. Woo hoo! Unfortunately, while Marc is helping to get the house ready for the party, he accidentally gives the sailboat a shove and it crashes into the living room.

Fortunately, Jennifer has come back home and she tells Joey that he should call his parents and just tell them what happened. Joey, however, decides to take care of the situation himself. He calls in a local landscaper, Eddie (Hamilton Camp). Even though Joey doesn’t have enough money to cover the repairs, Eddie says that he’ll fix the damage if Joey allows Eddie’s church to have bingo night in his house. Again, despite Jennifer’s reservations, Joey agrees.

It turns out that bingo night is actually an illegal casino. Joey tells Jennifer not to worry about it but, when his mom calls him and says that they’re coming home early, Joey is soon begging Jennifer to help him out. Jennifer helps Joey put the casino out of business by helping him cheat at all the games. Myself, I’m just amazed at how quickly the house was transformed into a casino, complete with slot machines, a craps table, and a roulette wheel. Did Eddie just have all of that stuff sitting in his living room or something?

Anyway, Joey breaks the bank. All of the gamblers leave but Eddie and his gangsters say that they’re not going anywhere. Fortunately, Jennifer calls the ghost cops to come and arrest Eddie because …. EDDIE AND HIS ASSOCIATES ARE ALL GHOSTS!

Even though Eddie left behind all of the casino stuff, it has mysteriously disappeared from the house by the time Susan and George return to the house. George is really impressed by how nice the house looks. Joey tells his parents about the casino and the ghost cops and they assume that he’s delirious from doing homework all weekend. Then George goes outside and accidentally crashes the sailboat into the living room again. What? How stupid is George?

This was a weird episode. The plot makes no sense but it’s also so random that it becomes likable in its own strange way. This is one of those episodes that feels as if it was made up on the spot but Ann Jillian and John P. Navin Jr. both give energetic enough performances that the whole thing somehow holds together. Then again, maybe I just like movies and TV shows that take place in casinos. I always appreciate the fact that people dress up to gamble. Were the gamblers also ghosts or was it just the gangsters? Weird episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.9 “Pool Sharks”

Posted on November 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the stakes are huge when two people play a game of pool.

Episode 1.9 “Pool Sharks”

(Dir by Alan Kingsberg, originally aired on December 17th, 1988)

Gabe (Tom Mason) steps into a run-down bar, carrying a pool cue with him. There’s only three other people in the bar, a bartender (Page Johnson), a nervous man named Lester (Irving Metzman), and a beautiful woman in a black dress who is named Natasha (Rebecca Downs). Natasha is easily beating Lester in a game of pool. Gabe says that he wants the next game.

Both Gabe and Natasha are pool hustlers and neither one makes much of an effort to hide it. Natasha makes a bet. If Gabe wins their game, Natasha will give him money. If Natasha wins, Gabe will …. well, Natasha doesn’t really make it clear what Natasha will win, beyond indicating that Gabe will enjoy it. As Natasha later explains, the bet is less important than getting Gabe to accept it. As Natasha puts it, accepting the bet is the same as inviting her in.

As the game progresses, it becomes clear that Gabe did not just randomly walk into the bar. He specifically tracked down Natasha and he’s not surprised when Natasha mentions that she has to be in bed before the sun rises. Nor is he particularly surprised to discover that Lester is actually Natasha’s servant. As they play, Natasha uses her eyes and a flash of her thigh to try to hypnotize Gabe. Gabe, meanwhile, makes sure that she sees the cross that is hanging around his neck.

Now, as you probably already guessed (and I guess this is a SPOILER if you’re planning on watching this episode on Tubi), Natasha is no ordinary pool hustler. She’s a vampire, one who feasts upon the men who lose to her in a game of pool. One of Natasha’s more recent victims was Gabe’s brother. Gabe came to the pool hall looking for revenge but the only way that he’ll be able to get it is if he beats Natasha at pool. That might not be easy, as Natasha has magic powers. But Gabe has a cross so this pool game becomes a battle between the profane and the sacred.

I really enjoyed this episode. Even though it was fairly obvious from the start that Natasha was a vampire (she was even called “Countess” by Lester at one point), the episode was full of sultry and ominous atmosphere. Tom Mason and Rebecca Downs were both perfectly cast as the rival players and there was a definite undercurrent of sexual tension to their conversations, one that brought a whole new layer to the show’s revenge plot. Past episodes of Monsters have struggled when it comes to finding an appropriate way to end each week’s story. This episode, I’m happy to say, had a perfect and very satisfying ending. This was a good and enjoyable episode, one that felt almost as if it could have been a mini-episode of True Blood.

Next week’s episode features a bed that eats people! Woo hoo!