Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.1 “Can’t Live With ‘Em: Part One”

Posted on April 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, the third season of Degrassi Junior High beings with tragedy!

Episode 3.1 “Can’t Live With ‘Em: Part One”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on November 28th, 1988)

This is one of the most important episodes in the history of the Degrassi franchise. Along with starting the show’s third season, this is the episode that sees the beginning on the long and tragic decline of Derek “Wheels” Wheeler. If you’re a fan of Degrassi: The Next Generation and you’ve always wondered how Wheels eventually ended up becoming a suicidal ex-con who is treated like a pariah by his former friend Snake, this episode is where it all began.

There’s actually a lot going on in this episode, though it’s the Wheels storyline that dominates. With the start of a new school year, everyone at Degrassi is eager to catch up after the summer break. Among the new developments:

Stephanie is no longer a Degrassi student and is instead going to private school. Her brother Arthur and his best friend Yick Yu both apparently hit a growth spurt over the summer. (Yick, in particular, is suddenly surprisingly tall for his age.) Yick notices that Arthur seems to be dressing better and that he’s also taken to reading the business section of the newspaper. Arthur insists that he’s not secretly rich, which is not something you say unless you actually are secretly rich.

Yick and Arthur also play a prank on new 7th grader, Bartholomew Bond (Trevor Cummings), first locking him in the janitor’s closet and then, after letting him out, directing the poor kid to the wrong homeroom. It’s the same joke that Joey played on Arthur, way back in the first episode. The only difference is that Yick and Arthur feel bad about it afterwards.

Having been held back, Joey is repeating the 8th Grade. “Hey,” he asks Snake, “what do you think about Caitlin?” Snake replies that Caitlin is not Joey’s type. Of course, fans of Degrassi: The Next Generation know that Joey and Caitlin are destined to spend the next 20 years falling in and out and back in love with each other.

Spike is back at school. This episode features the first appearance — albeit in polaroid form — of baby Emma. Shane tries to approach Spike, saying that he wants to meet his daughter. Spike tells him to stay away. (Apparently, Shane’s parents sent him to summer camp to keep him away from Spike and Emma.)

With Stephanie gone, both Kathleen Mead and Nancy Kramer (Arlene Lott) are running for president of the student council.

The 9th Graders are spending half the day at Degrassi Junior High and half at Borden High. Lucy notices a cute high school guy and smiles at him, even though the guy’s friend dismisses her as being a “minor niner.”

Ultimately, though, this episode is dominated by Wheels and his family. Wheels wants to hang out with Joey. His parents tells him that they think Joey is a bad influence. His parents don’t care that Joey, Wheels, and Snake have their own band and are working on a demo tape of their only song.

“Parents,” Snake says, “can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.”

Wheels replies that he would be happy to live without them.

Well, Wheels is going to get his wish. When his parents go to the movies, Wheels sneaks out and goes to Joey’s house. He, Joey, and Snake record their demo tape. Wheels then heads home and is stunned to see a police car sitting outside of his house.

They called the cops? Wheels wonders.

No, they’re dead. The police have accompanied Wheels’s grandmother so that she can tell him that his parents were killed by a drunk driver who ran a red light. The end credits roll over a freeze frame of a stunned Wheels being hugged by his grandmother.

OH MY GOD! I mean, seriously, who would have guessed that Wheels’s parents would die right at the same time that Wheels was saying he was sick of dealing with them? As tragic as all that is, it’s even worse if you know what waits for Wheels in the future.

This episode of Degrassi Junior High did everything that a season premiere should. It reintroduced us to the characters and set up the season’s main storyline, the downfall of Wheels. This was classic Degrassi. Next week, things get even worse for Wheels. Poor Wheels.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.3 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Job?”

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Never hire a friend is the lesson of this week’s episode.

Episode 2.3 “Buddy, Can You Spare A Job?”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 17th, 1986)

Cobb’s has got a new butcher!

Curt Farquar (Billy Van, who was a prominent horror host in Canada) not only knows how to cut meat but he’s also been Howard’s best friend since childhood. When Curt approaches Howard and explains that his wife has left him and he desperately needs a job, there’s no way that Howard can turn him down. Unfortunately, Curt turns out to be a bit of a bully, yelling at both the customers and his other co-workers. He even yells at Mrs. Cobb. Howard knows that he has to fire Curt but he doesn’t have the guts to do it. He gets Christian to do it and then reverses course as soon as Curt confronts him.

It would be really nice if Check It Out! could decide just who exactly Howard Bannister is meant to be. There are some episodes where Howard is a such a competent manager that other companies try to lure him away. Then there are episodes where he is totally incompetent. There are episodes where he and Edna are practically married and then others where they can barely stand each other. There are episodes where Howard is a sharp-tongued leader who won’t let anyone push him around and then there are ones, like this one, where he has to be coaxed out of his office. Sometimes, Howard is a tyrant. Other times, he’s a wimp. There’s never been any sort of consistency with how Howard has been portrayed and, as a result, I still don’t feel like I know the character.

That’s a problem for an episode like this one, where all of the humor centers around Howard’s inability to take an honest look at his friendship with Curt. The Office did several good episodes that centered around Michael Scott’s toxic friendship with Todd Packer. It was hard not to think about those episodes as I watched Howard fumble his way through Check it Out! On The Office, Michael’s one-way friendship with Packer told the viewer everything they needed to know about Michael. On Check It Out!, Howard’s friendship with Curt tells us nothing because the Howard who we’ve seen in previous episodes of Check It Out! would never have a friend like Curt.

For the record, Howard does eventually work up the courage to fire Curt. And Curt actually thanks Howard for firing him because it gives Curt the time to patch up his marriage. But first, of course, we have to sit through Curt threatening to jump off the roof of Cobb’s, just to teach Howard a lesson about …. something. Who knows?

On the plus side, the always funny Gordon Clapp was heavily featured in this episode. Viker convinced everyone to give him money so that he could send off for everyone’s family tree. Viker discovered that he was descended from an axe-sharpener. Marlene was descended from wolves. Howard was descended from Napoleon, which of course led to Don Adams putting his hand in his suit. And Christian …. Christian didn’t have a family tree because “your cheque bounced.”

(The closed captioning apparently understood that Check It Out! was a Canadian show.)

The Viker stuff was funny, largely because of Gordon Clapp’s ability to deliver the most absurd dialogue with a totally straight face. The Howard/Curt stuff was kind of boring. This was not a memorable episode to check out.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/14/24 — 4/20/24

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Yay! Janine is finally back at the school, where she belongs. Hopefully, we won’t have to spend any more time with those district dorks. Considering how much I disliked the whole district storyline, I’m kind of thankful this is a shortened season. I don’t know I could have handled 20 episodes of Janine working for the district.

Plus, it looks like Ava Fest was a huge success! Congrats to all!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Blind Date (YouTube)

On Saturday evening, I watched an episode featuring a guy named Igor who had a terrible date. I wonder if, back in 1999. Igor had any idea his bad date would still be available for viewing in 2024.

Check It Out! (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On Sunday night, I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order. I have to admit that I cringed at first, especially when it appeared that the villain was going to be a Republican congressman. Law & Order is always at its worse when it tries to deal with partisan politics and the stuff with the congressman was painfully heavy-handed. (One can tell that it’s been a while since anyone in the writer’s room talked to an actual Republican.) Fortunately, the show’s signature twist was that the congressman had nothing to do with it and the murderer was a Ukranian refugee who claimed to be suffering from PTSD. Naturally, Maroun wasn’t sure if the woman should be prosecuted because she had family members who suffered from the same thing. Price told Maroun to stop crying and do her job and good for him. Anyway, this episode turned out to be stronger than I was expecting. It was another entry in what has, so far, been a pretty good season.

On Thursday night, I watched the latest episode of Law & Order. A chef, who had previously been wrongly convicted of rape and murder, was killed by someone. His attorney was arrested but then Nolan started to have doubts as to whether or not the guy was actually guilty. It turned out that it was actually the attorney’s wife who committed the murder. This episode was obviously designed to try to make Nolan into a more likable figure. (“Nolan Price does it again!” Shaw happily said at one point.) But the whole thing just fell kind of flat. The only moment that really worked for me was when D.A. Baxter told Nolan to stop whining and do his job.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Masters (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

Congratulations to Scottie Scheffler! And yes, I do enjoy watching golf. I like the peaceful beauty of the courses.

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

New Sounds (Night Flight Plus)

This was a music video show that aired in the late 80s, I believe. I watched an episode on Friday night. Some of the music was good and some of it was kind of forgettable. Such is life.

Our America With Lisa Ling (YouTube)

On Saturday, I watched an episode of this old news program in which Lisa Ling interviewed parents whose children had been taken away from them. Lisa Ling is one of those reporters who has a tendency to do a fake “journalist voice” whenever she speaks and it kind of made it difficult for me to treat the episode with the seriousness it deserved.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Veronica’s Video (YouTube)

I sacrificed my eyesight to review Veronica’s Video.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.18 “Angie”

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe gets a new student.

Episode 3.18 “Angie”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on January 12th, 1978)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Uncle Zoltan. It’s not really that good of a joke but Julie fake laughs as if it’s the funniest thing that she’s ever heard. I notice that this has been happening a lot over the course of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s third season. By most reports, Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman could not stand each other off-camera. That’s especially obvious whenever Strassman deliberately overreacts to one of Kaplan’s jokes. It’s easy to imagine that Strassman was secretly thinking of throwing something at Kaplan whenever she laughed.

At school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s class to introduce everyone to a new student, Angie Grabowski (Melonie Haller). Epstein, Washington, Horshack, and Barbarino are very excited to see their new classmate, leading to Woodman ordering them to shut up.

Angie announces that she is thrilled to be in Gabe’s class because her dream has always been to become a Sweathog. Really? I mean, Barbarino’s cute but would anyone really dream of hanging out with Horshack? Of course, it doesn’t matter what Angie wants. Washington and Epstein explain that women are not allowed to become Sweathogs. That kind of contradicts everything that we’ve previously learned about the Sweathogs but whatever.

Determined to prove that she can be a Sweathog, Angie riggs the spinklers in Woodman’s office. Woodman ends up soaked but he also announces that he’s going to expel all of the Sweathogs. Angie demands that he expel her as well. (Angie seems to be a little self-destructive.)

Well, so much for the Sweathogs. I guess the show is over. Thanks for reading these reviews and….

Oh wait! Angie figures out that the fire alarm is broken because it didn’t go off when the sprinklers started up. The fire alarm is Woodman’s responsibility! The Sweathogs — including Angie — dress up as firemen and demonstrate to Woodman that the alarm doesn’t work. Somehow, this leads to Woodman not expelling the Sweathogs and apparently just forgetting about the prank with the sprinklers. It also leads to Angie becoming a Sweathog.

Later, Gabe tells Woodman a joke about Ebenezer Kotter, the cheapest of all his uncles. It takes Woodman a while to figure out the joke but then he laughs in his wonderfully unhinges way. Gabe Kaplan actually had more chemistry with John Sylvester White than he did with Marica Strassman.

This episode attempted to rejuvenate the show by introducing a new Sweathog. That makes sense. A lot of shows have tried to reverse declining ratings by introducing a new character. The problem is that the show doesn’t need a new Sweathog as much as it just needs for the old Sweathogs to return to being the realistic (if flamboyant) troublemakers that they were during the first season. In her first appearance, Melonie Haller delivers her lines in a flat and emotionless manner, which adds to the feeling that Angie might not be quite sane. Seriously, I’m worried about Horshack. It’s obvious that he has a crush on Angie but Angie seems likely to turn into a stalker.

Run, Horshack, run!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.26 “Bottle of Dreams”

Posted on April 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, season one comes to a close with a trip down nightmare lane.

Episode 1.26 “Bottle of Dreams”

(Dir by Mac Bradden, originally aired on July 25th, 1988)

It’s clip show time!

To be fair, the first season finale of Friday the 13th does come up with a clever way to justify being a clip show. Micki and Ryan get trapped in the vault of Curious Goods with an ancient, Egyptian urn that causes people to confront the memories of their worst fears. Not surprisingly all of Micki and Ryan’s worst fears are connected to the cursed antiques that they’ve spent the past year seeking out and dealing with.

So, once again, we get to see the cursed doll that started the series. We see the weirdo wandering around with his cursed cupid statue. We see the vampire. Oddly enough, we don’t see the pirate ghosts or the gangster who killed Micki’s boyfriend, even though both of those events were very traumatic for Micki. We don’t see the magic pipe that killed Ryan’s father, despite the fact that episode ended with Ryan in tears. We don’t see the newscaster who killed Ryan’s girlfriend or the cursed quilt that nearly caused Ryan to get burned at the stake. In short the clips seem to be a little bit arbitrary and they also all seem to come from early in the season, which leads me to suspect that this episode was put together long before it actually aired.

The cursed urn and the flashbacks are all a part of yet another attempt by Uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong) to return to the world of living. Fortunately, Jack’s friend Rashid (Elias Zarou) shows up and helps to push Lewis back into the netherworld. It’s always nice when one of Jack’s associates shows up to help. It creates the feeling that there’s an entire magical underground out there, all dealing with cursed antiques and malevolent spirits. While Ryan and Micki deal with their bad memories, Jack and Rashid are the ones who save the day and it makes for a nice conclusion for the first season. Our heroes may have started out as skeptical amateurs but now they’re a strong team. Micki and Ryan know that they can count on Jack, which is good considering that almost everyone else that that they get close to ends up dead.

The first season of Friday the 13th: The Series was pretty good. The horror was effective. The cast had a lot of chemistry. With a few exceptions, the cursed antiques were all interesting and worked in genuinely clever ways. The show had a sense of humor but it never let it get in the way of mayhem. Even the fact that the show claimed to be set in America even though it was clearly filmed in Canada and filled with Canadian actors only served to increase the dream-like atmosphere.

Will the second season live up to the first? We’ll start to find out next week!

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.5 “Decker’s Ex”

Posted on April 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Decker takes the ring.

Episode 3.5 “Decker’s Ex”

(Dir by Ken Girotti, originally aired on February 3rd, 1990)

One night, Beth Knightley (Wendy Lyon, who horror fans will immediately recognize from Prom Night II: Hello Mary Lou) comes home to discover two masked men tearing up her house. They tell her that they are searching for a computer disk that was taken by her deceased husband. They give her 24 hours to find the disk. If she doesn’t comply, she dies. If she goes to the police, she dies. If she tries to leave town …. “you get the idea,” as the main bad guy says.

Having been ordered not to go to the police, Beth instead goes to her ex, who just happens to turn out to be gym owner Decker (David Nerman). Decker asks T.S. to help them out but, when the men show up at the gym, it turns out that Decker doesn’t need any help. Because Turner made the mistake of going to the police and ended up being interrogated by the FBI, it falls to Decker to beat up the bad guys. Decker does just that and he does it rather easily. The Canadian Mob is not sending their best.

(Actually, since this show obviously takes place in Canada, you have to wonder what the FBI was doing north of the border.)

The majority of this episode was taken up with Beth and Decker talking about why their marriage failed. Beth had plans while Decker just had dreams. It really wasn’t anything that I hadn’t heard in a hundred other shows and movies but David Nerman and Wendy Lyon had a likable chemistry and they were convincing as two people who would have once taken a chance on each other. David Nerman was the only member of T and T‘s supporting cast to stick with the series through all three seasons and it’s nice that he was given an episode where he got to be the hero.

(Still, it’s interesting that T.S. apparently didn’t know that Decker was once married, considering that the show previously established them as being lifelong friends.)

Speaking of the show’s supporting cast, this was the second episode of T and T to feature just one T. Again, Kristina Nicoll is featured in the opening credits but the character that she plays, Terri Taler, is neither seen nor mentioned during the show. Just as with last week’s episode, I have to wonder if this was shot before Nicoll was actually hired for the show.

This episode also features no mention of why exactly Amy is no longer working with T.S. The obvious reason for Amy’s absence is that Alex Amini didn’t return for the third season. But, in-universe, it just seems strange that T.S. never mentions her. I mean, T.S. would still be in prison if not for her. Show some appreciation, Turner!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.6 “Birds of a Feather”

Posted on April 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan becomes the Birdman!

Episode 2.6 “Birds of a Feather”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 6th, 1985)

While driving down the highway, Mark is ordered to stop by Jonathan. Jonathan gets out of the car and walks over to a nearby reservoir, where he discovers a dying bird. In fact, he discovers several dead birds and he wastes no time in deciding that the nearby chemical plant is to blame. Despite the fact that they are on a tight schedule and have an assignment waiting for them in another town, Jonathan decides that it’s important that he and Mark first battle against the people who poisoned the reservoir.

How does Jonathan decide to do this? First, he tells Mark to get a job at the plant. Mark does so, though it’s never really clear what he was hired to do. It’s funny how Mark always gets every job that he applies for, despite not having much work experience beyond being a cop.

Jonathan then decides that it would be a good idea for him to 1) dress up like a bird, 2) ride a bicycle around town, 3) decorate the bicycle with balloons, and 4) continually shout things like, “Caw! Caw!”

Now, I’m not really sure what Jonathan thinks this will accomplish. That said, just two days ago, a bunch of idiots thought they could bring peace to the Middle East by standing on the Golden Gate Bridge and blocking traffic. And let’s not forget those Extinction Rebellion morons who keep damaging paintings and gluing themselves to floors. Compared to today’s protestors, Jonathan’s methods seem brilliant.

What’s odd about Jonathan’s bird costume is that he never takes it off. Even when he’s not protesting, he wears the costume.

Evil businessman Horton Drake (Philip Abbott) doesn’t care about the dead birds because he’s evil. Even when the children of some of his employees get sick, Drake refuses to clean up the water. This leads to Jonathan making an ominous declaration.

In a scene that has to be seen to be believed, Jonathan lines up all the dead birds outside of Drake’s corporate headquarters. And then Jonathan lies down, resting his head on the contaminated birds. By the time everyone arrives for work, Jonathan’s dead!

Realizing that an autopsy will reveal that Jonathan died due to chemical exposure, Drake sends three of his men to steal Jonathan’s body from the morgue. However, at the morgue, Jonathan is not only alive but he’s still wearing his bird costume. “Caw! Caw!” Jonathan shouts as the men flee.

The next morning, Drake holds a press conference and denies dumping toxic waste in the water. Moved by Jonathan’s sacrifice, Drake’s former administrative assistant (Marianne McAndrew) reveals the truth about how Drake has been polluting the water and paying off the health inspectors. Incidentally, the assistant’s son is played by a young Paul Walker.

Mark goes for a walk along the beach. He looks up to Heaven and tells Jonathan that his plan worked. Suddenly, Jonathan walks up to Mark and Mark realizes that Jonathan is still alive. Of course, Jonathan’s an angel so it’s not like he could have really died in the first place. As Jonathan has pointed out in previous episodes, he already died once.

This episode was about as heavy-handed as anything I’ve ever seen. One can support a clean environment while also acknowledging that Drake was portrayed as being cartoonishly evil. Michael Landon’s heart was in the right place but the episode still sometimes verged on unintentional self-parody. This is the type of thing that AI would come up with if prompted to write a stereotypical episode of Highway to Heaven.

Myself, I’m just wondering where Jonathan found the bird costume.

Retro Television Review: Veronica’s Video 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on April 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Veronica’s Video, which was produced by UPN in 1998. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

I sacrificed my eyesight to review this show.

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Don Scardino, originally aired on …. well, we’ll get to that.)

Aspiring filmmaker Gary Gluckin (Matt Champagne) needs a day job so he walks into a trashy, nearly deserted video store and tells the owner, Nick (Cobin Bernsen), that he wants to work for him. Nick is an angry man who chain smokes and rolls around in a wheelchair because his wife ran him over while she was leaving him. Nick is also Gary’s father.

Nick is only willing to hire on a Gary probationary basis and he explains that Gary will be competing for a full time job with Chandra (Shishir Kurup), a Sikh who is an expert on Indian films. Gary and Nick make fun of Chandra’s ethnicity, religion, and name. Chandra, meanwhile, enforces a strict policy of only allowing 21 year-olds into the porn section of the video store. He kicks out a 51 year-old. That’s the type of show this was.

Occasionally dropping by the video store is Mary Sue Henderson (Julie Benz) who works for her grandmother and who wears an Alice In Wonderland costume that Gary is constantly looking down. Mary Sue is always bright and cheerful. When she talks to Gary, Gary goes all mush-mouthed because Gary is a loser. Gary also thinks that he may have seen Mary Sue’s picture on the cover of one of the porn videos that is in the store.

Nick eventually tortures Gary by forcing him to stand outside in 116-degree heat. At one point, Greg gets beaten up by someone who is played by Greg Grunberg. Frustrated, Gary announces that he doesn’t need the job and he’ll just move in with his mother. Nick replies that Gary’s mother wants nothing to do with him. Wow, what a fun comedy.

This is, without a doubt, one of the worst shows that I’ve ever watched. This show was so bad that the pilot didn’t even get a pity showing. UPN, which was famous for being the home for terrible and misguided shows, didn’t even want to mess with this thing. Why is this show so bad? The humor is not particularly funny, the laugh track in intrusive, and the video store itself is so dirty and ugly that it’s hard to believe that it has ever had a customer. Corbin Bernsen, being a veteran actor, at least manages to suggest that there’s a heart underneath Nick’s rough exterior. The rest of the cast is just bland.

I should also admit that I watched this on YouTube and the upload was one of the worst that I’ve ever seen. I’m surprised I still have my eyesight after being confronted with this:

And this:

I had 20/60 eyesight when I started this show. I’m worried about what it is now.

Anyway, needless to say, only one episode of Veronica’s Video was produced. And that episode probably should have been left in a landfill somewhere, rather than uploaded to YouTube.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.4 “Rerun”

Posted on April 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, we learn about the dark side of celebrity.

Episode 2.4 “Rerun”

(Dir by John Auerbach, originally aired October 22nd, 1989)

Allison (Rachel Jones) and Max (Mitchell Whitfield) are anthropology students and roommates. Max would like to be even more but Allison is hopelessly in love with a man who she has not only never met but who is dead!

Tony Sterling (Max Nassar) was an actor who starred on a show where he drove a motorcycle across America. Tony recently died but Allison keeps a big poster of him hanging in her bedroom. Allison says she isn’t worried about studying for her upcoming exam because she’s been praying to the poster. Uhmm …. okay …. I mean, I had a huge crush on James Franco back in the day but I never prayed to him….

Suddenly, Tony appears in the bedroom and declares his love for Allison. Allison is so overjoyed that she doesn’t care that he’s dead and that he keeps biting her neck. Max, however, is a bit more concerned so he goes to see Tony’s agent (Kaye Ballard), who explains that Tony was a Satanist who couldn’t even ride a motorcycle! In fact, Tony couldn’t even talk to people. He had to have his small talk written out for him by a crack team of publicists.

Max returns to the apartment to confront Tony with proof that he’s both a talentless hack and a lamprey-in-human-form. (Earlier, Max talked about a tribe that believed that everyone’s soul was an animal. Apparently, Tony has the soul of a lamprey.) Realizing the truth about Tony, Allison rejects him. Tony attacks Max. Can Allison flush a ring that Tony gave her down a toilet quickly enough to send Tony’s soul back to Hell?

Fear not — she can! This is one of the few episodes of Monsters to have a straight-up happy ending and I’m glad that I did. Allison and Max were a cute couple and it would have been unbearably cruel to not allow them to be together or to have one of them turn out to be a demon. You want them to get together and if it takes dealing with an incubus for them to come together, so be it.

Actually, this episode is probably more relevant today than it was when it was first release. There’s not much difference between Allison praying to her poster of Tony and the people who spend all day searching social media for any heretics who fail to worship at the altar of their favorite performers. If this episode were made today, Allison would be praying to Timothee Chalamet and Taylor Swift. That’s not to say that Timothee and Taylor are lampreys, of course. It’s just that people have always worshipped those who have accomplished some sort of celebrity. Anyone who is anyway famous has at least a few people who have devoted their lives to them. It’s creepy but it’s the way of the world.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.12 “Doc’s Dismissal/A Frugal Pair/The Girl Next Door”

Posted on April 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Doc’s in trouble!

Episode 4.12 “Doc’s Dismissal/A Frugal Pair/The Girl Next Door”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 3rd, 1981)

Carl (Lew Ayres) and his wife, Violet (Janet Gaynor), board the boat in a good mood. Carl has just retired from the post office and they’re about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Awwwww! Carl and Violet are the sweetest couple ever, frequently referring to each other by pet names. They’re also very frugal. Violet brings her own tea bag on board. Carl turns down a bottle of champagne. They are a nice old couple who know the value of pinching a penny.

But, on the morning of their anniversary, Violet tells Carl a secret and everything changes. It turns out that Violet has been buying stock for years. She based her purchases on whatever pet name Carl used for her that day. If the name started with a G, she bought General Motors. If it started with an S, she bought Standard Oil. Once, Carl used a name that started with a “Z,” and she bought stock in Xerox. She explains that she didn’t know how Xerox was spelled at the time. (So, how did she buy the stock?) Anyway, the important thing is that Carl and Violet are rich and they have been for several decades.

Carl is upset by this news. If he had known he was rich, he wouldn’t have spent years at the post office! I see his point though, to be honest, they’re not that rich. The total stock portfolio is only worth $200,000. Still, Carl and Violet stop speaking to each other. Julie, Isaac, and Gopher jump into action and throw them an anniversary party, which causes Carl and Violet to remember how much they love each other.

Meanwhile, Charley Cole (Sal Viscuso) tells Pam Madison (Lynda Goodfriend) that he’s with the CIA so that she’ll let him stay in her cabin so that he can spy on his girlfriend (Denise DuBarry) and the guy (Stephen Shortridge) with whom she is cheating. Got all that? This storyline was incredibly dumb but it was saved by the frantic performance of Sal Viscuso, who managed to make even the lamest of lines seem funny.

Finally, Sally (Jessica Walter) boards the ship with her lout of a husband, Hank (Alex Cord). Hank is the type of jerk who looks at other women while his wife is sitting right next to him. Complaining of a headache, Sally goes to Doc Bricker’s cabin for some aspirin. Doc, who has witnessed Hank’s bad behavior, is sympathetic to Sally. Later, Sally tries to make Hank jealous by saying that Doc hit on her when she went to see him.

Angered, Hank calls the captain and accuses Doc of sexually harassing his wife. The Captain is forced to suspend Doc from his duties until an investigation can be launched. The crew is shocked. Doc would never hit on a patient, they all say. Except, of course, Doc does exactly that every single episode! Seriously, Doc is a walking HR nightmare. (Fortunately, for Doc, he was played by the always likable Bernie Kopell.) When the captain makes it clear that Doc could be fired and lose his medical license, Sally admits that he never hit on her. Doc keeps his job and somehow, all of this fixes Sally and Hank’s marriage. Later, Gopher and Isaac joke about how Doc got in trouble for the one time he “didn’t hit on a passenger.” Gopher and Isaac aren’t blind to what’s happening.

This was a surprisingly effective episode. Lew Ayres and Janet Gaynor were adorable and Jessica Walter’s intense, method performance as a desperately unhappy wife provided a good change-of-pace from all of the usual Love Boat goofiness. Even with all of the CIA nonsense, this was an entertaining cruise.