Salvaged Romance”

Posted on September 17, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard! Love is life’s sweetest reward….

Episode 6.17 “Gopher’s Daisy/Our Son, The Lawyer/Salvaged Romance”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 29th, 1983)

Gopher has a new exercise machine but only he and the Captain know about it. All through the cruise, Gopher and Stubing disappear into Gopher’s cabin, put out the “Do Not Disturb” sign and then groan and moan while using the exercise machine.

At the same, the ship has a stowaway. As a part of her sorority initiation, Jennifer Canfield (Chanelle Lea) has to take a cruise without paying for it. (That’s an odd initiation ritual.) Having figured out Gopher’s schedule, Jennifer secretly stays in his room whenever he’s doing his duties. Julie and Isaac both spot Jennifer sneaking in and out of Gopher’s cabin and they quickly decide that both Gopher and Stubing must have brought her aboard to be their — what? Their personal sex slave? That seems to be the implication. Strangely, neither Isaac nor Julie seem to be too upset about that implication. Julie has a cocaine problem so I guess I can understand her attitude but Isaac …. well, I expect more from Isaac.

Eventually, Jennifer is caught. Instead of having her arrested, the Captain allows Julie and Isaac to pay for Jennifer’s fare on the boat. So, does this mean that Jennifer’s not going to be allowed to join the sorority?

(Myself, I’m just considering the amount of people who have stowed away on the Love Boat over the past few seasons. Seriously, taking a cruise without paying for it appears to be the easiest thing in the world.)

Meanwhile, James Coco and Doris Roberts play Harriet and Lou, a married couple who board the boat with their son, Jonathan (Adam Arkin). Now that Jonathan has graduated law school and passed the bar, he thinks that it might be time for him to move into a place of his own. Harriet is so traumatized at the thought of Jonathan moving out that she demands a divorce from Lou. Both Harriet and Lou want to be represented by Jonathan. Run, Jonathan, run! In the end, the marriage is saved and everything get worked out but seriously, Jonathan needs to do more than just get an apartment of his own. He needs to move to another state or maybe even another country.

(Also, in the past, there’s no way Julie would have ignored a handsome, single lawyer on the ship. Unfortunately, Julie now seems to be more concerned with finding her next fix than finding a husband.)

Finally, Allison Newman (Joan Rivers) is a recently divorced woman who starts a tentative shipboard romance with passenger Max Glutovsky (Alex Rocco). However, when Max tries teacher her how to play shuffleboard and puts his hands around her waist, Allison yells for him to leave her alone and runs away. Max thinks that Allison is rejecting him because he’s not as rich as she is. Max, you dumbass! Allison has just had a mastectomy, Her husband left her after the operation and now, she’s feeling insecure about getting close to anyone. Of the three stories, the one worked the best, due to the performances of Rivers and Rocco.

The Rivers/Rocco story was effective. The storyline with Roberts, Coco, and Arkin was rather shrill and left me feeling sorry for Adam Arkin’s character. (Casting Doris Roberts as an overly possessive mother made this story feel like an unsuccessful dry run for Everybody Loves Raymond.) Isaac and Julie thinking Gopher was sex fiend? That was just silly. In other words, this was a pretty uneven cruise.

Next week, hopefully things will look up with a two-hour episode set in Greece!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.16 “Doc’s Big Case/Senior Sinners/A Booming Romance”

Posted on September 10, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Love won’t hurt anymore….

Episode 6.16 “Doc’s Big Case/Senior Sinners/A Booming Romnace”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)

As usual, this episode has three stories. However, this week, only one of the stories really works.

Dr. Elliott Norton (James Noble) attended medical school with Doc. He is a world-renowned surgeon who has written a best-selling book and, as soon as he boards the boat, ol’ Doc Bricker starts to feel insecure. It’s easy to see why. Dr. Norton performs life-saving surgery on a daily basis. Doc Bricker helps people recover from severe sun tan. The fact that everyone on board wants Norton’s autograph doesn’t help. Vicki is supposed to be writing a report on Doc but even Doc is like, “You should probably do it on Elliott.”

However, when a little girl (played by Tori Spelling, in what must have been one of the first roles that Aaron Spelling demanded she be cast in) asks Doc to diagnose what’s wrong with her doll, Bricker quickly figures out that both the doll and the girl are depressed because they’re not spending enough time with their father. Norton may be getting the groupies but Doc Bricker gets invited to a tea party with the girl, her father, and the doll.

I’m sorry, are you smirking?

Okay, it is pretty silly. Normally, I would smirk too but you know what? Bernie Kopell really makes this story work. In many ways, Doctor Adam Bricker was a bit of silly character, a supposed swinger who always came across as being rather mild-mannered and kind of conservative. But Bernie Kopell was so likable in the role that it didn’t matter that the character often didn’t make much sense. In this episode, Kopell does such a good job of playing up the character’s insecurities and regrets that my heart actually broke for the poor guy. Was the tea party silly? Yes. But I still cheered when he was invited.

As for the other two stories, one featured Raymond St. Jacques and Theresa Merritt playing an elderly couple who were living together without being married. Their children (played Brian Stokes Mitchell and Thelma Hopkins) were scandalized! It was pretty boring. The children weren’t particularly likable so I was kind of hoping the parents would just toss them overboard.

The final story …. I don’t even know how to describe it other than to say it was dumb. Ross (Alan Young) wants to impress Kathy (Holland Taylor) and keep her from running off with Bob (Adam West, who was severely underused). So, Ross builds a fake bomb, hides it in the engine room, pretends to discover it, and then defuses it while Kathy watches. I mean, how am I supposed to care about someone who would do something that stupid? And then, when Ross confesses the truth to her, Kathy laughs it off and forgives him. I mean, it seems like he’s an obvious sociopath to me. Run, Kathy, run!

This was an uneven episode but seriously, the story with Doc Bricker got to me. This show was very lucky to have Bernie Kopell.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.15 “The Captain’s Replacement/Sly As A Fox/Here Comes The Bride …. Maybe”

Posted on September 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard! We’re expecting you….

Episode 6.15 “The Captain’s Replacement/Sly As A Fox/Here Comes The Bride …. Maybe”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on January 15th, 1983)

First off, before I do anything else, I want to thank Case for covering the last three episodes of The Love Boat for me. The previous month was not an easy one for me or my family and having Case, Brad, and Jeff helping me out with my television reviews really helped out. Thanks, guys. You all did a wonderful job!

As far as this episode goes, I know there’s one question that is on everyone’s mind:

Julie appeared to be moderately coked-up in this episode, though not as much as usual. I’d say on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale, this episode was right in the middle. Five out of ten.

Julie actually had a bit to do during this episode. Captain Donahue (McLean Stevenson) was on the ship, technically so that he could watch and learn from Captain Stubing. Gopher, however, suspected that Donahue was planning on replacing Stubing as the captain of the Pacific Princess. Gopher, Julie, Doc, Isaac, and Vicki all decided to pretend to be crazy in order to convince Donahue to stay away from the Pacific Princess. Julie, for instance, started to obsessively practice her “welcome aboard” greeting. I’m not sure what was so crazy about that. As far as I can tell, Julie’s entire job consists of greeting people when they board the ship. It seems like it would be a good idea to get some practice in. Still, Donahue is freaked out enough that he backs off from trying to steal Stubing’s position. Captain Stubing is relieved and so is the rest of the crew. Maybe they came across an episode of Hello, Larry and realized what was in store for them if McLean Stevenson became the new captain.

Julie also served as an advisor to Mary Frances Bellflower (Shelley Fabares), who boarded the ship with two suitors. Ben Phillips (Frank Bonner) and Henry Greg (Arte Johnson) spent the cruise bickering over who would make the best husband for Mary Frances. Mary Frances assumed that the two men only cared about her because she was rich and she owned a valuable foxhound. However, by the end of the cruise, Mary Frances realized that both of the men sincerely loved her. She promised Julie that she would return to the ship in the future with the man she had chosen. Julia, her nose red, suggested that Mary Frances give bigamy a try. Everyone had a good laugh.

Finally, Doc arranged for his old friend, Erica Dupont (Jenilee Harrison), to get a job serving drinks on the cruise. Erica, the daughter of an autoworker, needed the job so that she could help pay for her wedding to Robert Wallingford (Stephen Shortridge). Erica confessed that Robert and his parents both thought she was rich because her last name was Dupont. Erica immediately got to work serving drinks but — oh no! — Robert’s snooty parents (William Windom and Jane Wyatt) just happened to be on the cruise! Erica tried to avoid them but eventually, they saw Erica sharing a friendly dance with Doc and they got the wrong idea. They called Robert, who flew down to Mexico to meet the boat. Erica finally confessed that, while her last name was Dupont, that did not make her a Du Pont. The Wallingfords were disappointed to learn that Erica was not related to future murderer John du Pont. Still, Robert forgave Erica and I guess they got married after the cruise. Who knows? I would think that starting an engagement with a lie would be a problem for most people but whatever.

This cruise was mildly enjoyable. Jenilee Harrison and Bernie Kopell had a likable chemistry and it was hard not to feel that Erica should have just dumped Robert and declared her love for Doc. As for everyone acting crazy to fool McLean Stevenson, you could tell that the regulars were having fun. The storyline about Mary Frances and her two suitors was fairly weak but the other two stories made up for it.

I’m glad that I came aboard.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.11 “The Tomorrow Lady/Father, Dear Father/Still Life”

Posted on August 6, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a man tells a terrible lie, Greer Garson can see the future, and Isaac is losing his hearing! Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 6.11 “The Tomorrow Lady/Father, Dear Father/Still Life”

(Dir by Richard A. Wells, originally aired on December 4th, 1992)

This episode of The Love Boat features one of the worst stories ever. Ken Miller (Lawrence Pressman) wants to date Sarah Curtis (Kim Darby). However, Sarah is on the cruise as a member of the Single Parents Group and, when Sarah first sees Ken, she assumes that Ken is a single father because he’s standing with Libby McDonald (played by the one-named Louanne), who is the daughter of Ken’s friend, Tom (Jim Stafford). So, Ken just decides to lie about being a father.

Eventually, Sarah finds out. When she notices that Libby is spending all of her time with Tom, the gig is up. Sarah, however, FORGIVES Ken and accepts his marriage proposal! (“Looks like I won’t be a member of Single Parents anymore….”) Lady, he lied to you about having a daughter! He recruited a little girl to pretend to be his daughter! THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO START A MARRIAGE!

The other two stories were better. One featured Greer Garson (in her final screen performance before retiring) as a woman who was a self-described “good guesser.” She met a struggling businessman (Howard Duff) who wanted to use her power to play the stock market but eventually, he fell in love with her for her and not her powers. Howard Duff’s character was not particularly likable but Greer Garson seemed to be having fun.

The other story featured Isaac struggling with a double ear infection and fearing that he would permanently lose his hearing. He didn’t, which is good considering that he’s the ship’s head bartender and he’s the guy who everyone comes to with their problems. (It always amuses me how a passenger will just automatically start talking to Isaac as if they’re best friends when they’ve only been on the boat for a couple of hours.) What made this story work, though, was the performance of Ted Lange. He was so believably scared of losing his hearing that you just wanted someone to hug him and reassure him that it would all be okay. When his hearing finally came back, I breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously, playing Isaac was probably not the most challenging roll of Ted Lange’s career. I mean, the man has played Othello! Still, Lange gave a really good and honest performance in this episode. He didn’t use the fact that he was acting on The Love Boat as an excuse to just coast.

This cruise …. it was kind of forgettable. Still, at least Ted Lange got a chance to shine!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.4 “God Child/Curtain Call”

Posted on August 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, the curse of Lawrence continues.

Episode 7.4 “God Child/Curtain Call”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on October 29th, 1983)

Tori Spelling is in this episode. She was only ten years old at the time but she was already a terrible actress. In the role of Laurie, a poor little rich girl whose fantasy is to ask God why her parents died in a crash, Spelling gives a performance that is overly cutesy. There’s nothing authentic about her or her delivery. Her role on the show was obviously a result of her father being the producer.

Laurie doesn’t find God. (At first, she assumes Roarke is God but he assures her that he is not, despite the fact that he has God-like powers. Ricardo Montalban, for his part, said that he always felt that Roarke was a fallen angel who was doing penance on Fantasy Island.) Laurie does however find Adam Cobb (George Kennedy), a former circus clown-turned-alcoholic who briefly pretends to be God. At first, Laurie hates Adam for lying about being God. Then Mr. Roarke explains that Adam’s wife died in a circus fire and that his own daughter was adopted by another family. Laurie feels sorry for him and invites Adam to come live in her mansion with her aunt. Adam considers it but ultimately decides that he needs to instead search for his own daughter. In a rather bizarre turn of events, he dances with Laurie while singing Funny Face to her.

As for Laurie meeting God, Adam suggests that maybe there’s a bit of God in everyone and therefore, we’re all God. Whatever, you hippie.

This storyline was ugh. Like seriously, just ugh. Laurie didn’t get her fantasy. She just met some old alcoholic who spouted a bunch of a Unitarian mumbo jumbo at her. As for Adam leaving the Island to find his own daughter …. well, did he? This episode doesn’t tell us. How exactly is he going to find her? Does she want anything to do with him? How was the penniless Adam able to afford a trip to Fantasy Island in the first place?

AND WHERE THE HELL IS TATTOO!?

Meanwhile, Milton Berle played an old comedian who wanted his former partners (Imogene Coca and Howard Morris) to forgive him so that they could perform together one last time. This storyline felt very familiar and it featured a lot of singing. Even Mr. Roarke sang a song. It’s actually kind of strange how many songs were sung in this episode because this wasn’t a musical episode. This wasn’t like that musical episode of The Love Boat where the songs were evenly distributed across the program. Instead, towards the end of the episode, people just started singing. It was weird.

Speaking of The Love Boat, this episode was directed by Isaac himself, Ted Lange. Lange keeps the action movie but I just wish this episode had been better written. This is another episode where it’s easy to imagine how much better it would have been with Tattoo than with Lawrence. Tattoo would have definitely gotten emotionally involved with Laurie’s search for God. Lawrence, on the other hand, is just a stiff upper lip butler whose main concern is making sure everyone gets their drink order. It’s nothing against Christopher Hewett, who I have read was a good Catholic. It’s just that he’s stuck playing a character who does not belong on the Island.

This was a pretty desultory trip to the Island.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”

Posted on July 30, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a woman struggles to forgive the son of a man who killed her husband. Two women and a reverend try to balance attraction with the questions of faith. And Gopher gets stuck in a suit of armor….

LOVE! Exciting and new!

Episode 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on November 27th, 1982)

Gopher’s latest girlfriend, Gail (Taylor Miller), is on this week’s cruise. She’s a history teacher and Gopher decides that the best way to impress her would be …. okay, I can’t believe I’m about to type this …. buy a suit of armor and surprise her by wearing it on the boat. With Isaac’s help, he puts on the armor but — oh no! — he gets stuck in the armor. He has wear his purser’s uniform over the armor. The captain notes that Gopher has gained some weight and puts him on an exercise program….

There have been a lot of silly plotlines on The Love Boat but none as silly as this. The problem is that it never makes sense that Gopher would have a suit of armor in the first place. There a lot of presents that you can give someone who loves to study and talk about history. I know this because I’m a history nerd myself. A suit of armor, though, requires a bit too much of a suspension of disbelief, It goes from being silly to being just stupid.

It also doesn’t fit in with the episode’s other big storyline, in which Webb Jones Jr. (Laurence Lau) fell in love with Vanessa Heinsely (Denise Miller). The only problem is that Webb’s father was the drunk driver who killed Vanessa’s father. Vanessa’s mother (played by Ruth Warrick) struggles to forgive Webb for the sins of his his father. Luckily, Captain Stubing — a recovering alcoholic himself — is there to help. This was a serious story about a serious subject and all of the actors handled it well. But it seemed out-of-place when mixed with scenes of Gopher trying to hide the fact that he was wearing a suit of armor.

Finally, Janine Turner and Sharon Gabet played two women who had a crush on a reverend (Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs.) Robert Pine was charming but it was hard not to feel as if Julie needed the reverend more than the two women. At the very least, he could have gotten her off the cocaine and maybe he could have even convinced her to do something about her hair.

(Seriously, Julie’s hair has looked terrible this season!)

The good news is that Gopher eventually got out of that suit of honor and Vanessa and Webb managed to find love. Even an uneven episode of The Love Boat usually has a happy ending and really, that’s all I want.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.9 “The Thanksgiving Cruise/The Best of Friends/Too Many Dads/Love Will Find A Way”

Posted on July 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard….

It’s a holiday….

THE LOOOOOOOOOOVE BOAT

Episode 6.9 “The Thanksgiving Cruise/The Best of Friends/Too Many Dads/Love Will Find A Way”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 20th, 1982)

It’s Thanksgiving and the Love Boat crew is not getting along!

It all starts when Gopher makes a joke about Doc being a womanizer. Doc, who has spent five seasons bragging about being a womanizer, gets offended and stops talking to Gopher. Isaac tries to give Gopher some advice but Gopher offends him by saying that he’s sick of hearing stories about the wisdom of Isaac’s grandfather. (I have never heard Isaac mention his grandfather in the past.) Julie gets mad when Doc says that he didn’t care much for some of her past hairstyles. (Julie’s hair does look terrible this episode.) Everyone is fighting …. except for Captain Stubing and Vicki. They do have an argument but Stubing refuses to take it personally and Vicki says she could never stay angry with her father. Awwwww!

(I think it’s seriously irresponsible to raise someone on a cruise ship but I still tear up at the Stubing/Vicki scenes. Can you tell I’m missing my Dad?)

I have to admit that it kind of upset me to see the Love Boat crew fighting. The passengers come and go but the crew has remained the same for six seasons and their likable chemistry has always been one of the show’s greatest strengths. Julie getting mad at Doc? No, it can’t happen! We all know Julia and Doc are secretly in love! I was really concerned that the crew was going to have a bad Thanksgiving but luckily, everyone forgave everyone else in time for Thanksgiving.

I was so worried about the crew that I barely paid attention to the other two stories. Lorne Greene and Dorothy McGuire played parents who were initially alarmed when their daughter (Wendy Schaal) announced that she was going to marry a paraplegic (Jim Knaub). Luckily, they saw the error of their ways. Meanwhile, Michael Lembeck boarded the boat with a court order that stated that he had been given legal custody of B.J. Lewis (Christian Jacobs), who was traveling with his stepfather, Roger (Richard Hatch). In the end, everyone agreed that Roger was the better father and B.J.’s biological father gave up custody which …. I don’t know. That doesn’t seem like something that would happen in real life. I mean, if you go through the trouble of hiring expensive lawyers and then storm a cruise ship, I don’t think you’re just going to shrug and give up.

“Now I have two Dads!” BJ announces.

Kid, one of your Dads just rejected you.

Oh well! It’s Thanksgiving! And I’m giving thanks that the Love Boat crew all learned an important lesson about friendship. That’s what life is all about.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.7 and 6.8 “The Spoonmaker Diamond/Papa Doc/The Role Model/Julie’s Tycoon”

Posted on July 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episodes 6.7 and 6.8 “The Spoonmaker Diamond/Papa Doc/The Role Model/Julie’s Tycoon”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 13th, 1982)

The Love Boat is going to Greece and Turkey!

Well, actually, it’s the Love Boat crew that is going to Greece and Turkey. They’ve been asked to temporarily take over another ship and, of course, Captain Stubing said yes. This is one of those two-hour Love Boat episodes where the action was actually shot on location and on a real cruise ship. As such, it’s more of a travelogue that anything. We get to see the sights of both Greece and Turkey and no one makes any jokes about Midnight Express.

The majority of the storylines revolve around the Spoonmaker Diamond, a very valuable diamond that has been stolen by someone on the ship. Was the diamond stolen by Emmett and Ellen Stokes (Harvey Korman and Nancy Dussault)? Was the diamond stolen by Mark Hayward (Mike Connors)? That’s what Inspector Sadu (Jamie Farr) is trying to figure out! Of course, regardless of who stole it, it ultimately ends up in the unknowing possession of travel agent Dana Pierce (Polly Bergen). Will Mark steal the diamond or will he fall in love with Dana? Why can’t he do both? This was an odd story because you had the goofiness of Harvey Korman and Jamie Farr and then you had the grouchy intensity of Mike Connors. Connors seemed to be under the impression that he was appearing on a hard-boiled crime show as opposed to an enjoyably silly comedy about a cruise ship.

Meanwhile, Sabrina Drake (Jan Smithers) is a young heiress who is traveling with her mother, Amanda (Alexis Smith). Amanda is not happy when she sees that tabloid reporter Joe Novak (Kiel Martin) is also on the cruise. She’ll probably be even less happy when she discovers that Amanda is 1) secretly seeing Joe and 2) is pregnant. When Doc finds out that Sabrina is pregnant, he offers to marry her. Why not? He’s known her for two days and he’s in love. Fortunately, Joe talks to Amanda and wins Amanda’s blessing for his relationship with Sabrina. Doc remains single.

Speaking of marriage, Greek tycoon Gregori Pananopolis (Lorenzo Lamas) asks Julie to marry him. Julie is stunned and says she needs some time to think it over. She tells Captain Stubing that she’s not sure if she’s ready to get married. Uhmm …. Julie, this like the third or fourth guy who had asked you to marry him on this show. You’ve nearly gotten married twice. It’s odd how the show always acts as if marriage proposals aren’t a recurring theme when it comes to Julie. Fortunately, Julie stays single because we all know she’s destined to eventually marry Doc. Or Gopher, maybe.

Fashion photographer Cliff Jacobs (David Hedison) runs into his ex-wife, model Monica Brandon (Linda Evans). He lies about having landed a job with a magazine in order to get her to pose for him. He also takes some pictures of Vicki posing amongst the ruins of Greece. Later, a magazine contacts him and offers to make Vicki into a star but he and Monica decide not to tell Vicki because they don’t want her to have to deal with pressure of being a model. Hey Cliff and Monica, that’s really not your decision to make. I’m sure being a model would be no less detrimental to Vicki than spending her entire youth on a cruise ship with people who are several decades older than her.

As I said at the start of the review, this episode worked best as a travelogue. None of the stories were particularly intriguing but the scenery was lovely. Even Turkey looked like a nice place to visit!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”

Posted on July 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Doc starts to feel his age.

Episode 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 6th, 1982)

When it comes to The Love Boat, there’s one question that always has to be asked.

In this episode, Julie appears to be moderately coked up. She’s definitely not as coked up as she was in some of the earlier episodes of this season but there’s still that glint in her eye and the rapidness of his speech that leaves little doubt that there was probably some sniffing going on in the cruise director’s office. On the How Coked Up With Julie Scale, I would give this one a solid 7 out of 10.

Of course, Julie had some competition on this cruise. A pre-born again Willie Aames was on the cruise, playing Doc’s nephew Danny, and sporting the puffy eyes of someone who had been up all night on a date with the Devil’s Dandruff. Danny and Doc both develop a crush on the same woman and Linda (Michelle Phillips) decides that she would prefer to spend her romantic time with a teenage Danny than with Doc, who has a medical degree and probably a lot more money than Danny. This leads to Doc have yet another midlife crisis. Danny, meanwhile, falls hard for Linda but, at the end of the cruise, Linda explains that she’s not looking to get tied down with a relationship. She just wanted to bang someone who was ten years younger than her. Okay, that’s not quite what she said but that was the general idea. Doc learned that it was okay to be middle-aged and Danny was too high to learn much of anything.

Soap opera writer Paula Hastings (Susan Lucci!) boarded the cruise and was shocked to discover that one of the passengers was Barry Weldon (Tristan Rogers!), an actor who she turned down for a role on her soap. Barry romanced Paula and convinced her that he was falling in love with her and then announced it was all just an act to prove that he deserved the role on her show. Damn, Barry, that’s not nice at all! But then it turned out that Barry actually had fallen in love with her so they decided to get married. “Congratulations!” Julie said, her eyes shining with a manic edge.

Finally, a therapist (Richard Deacon) boarded the ship, just to discover that his patients (Jerry Van Dyke, Elaine Joyce, Morey Amsterdam, and Rose Marie) had all decided to take the cruise with him. Why, that’s enough stress to make the idea of a little flakey relief seem appealing! That said, the therapist and his patients were played by some old school sitcom mainstays and none of them seemed to be coked up. They were definitely a whiskey and cigarettes crowd.

This was a pleasant cruise. Bernie Kopell is always likable as Doc Bricker and I always enjoy his midlife crisis episodes. The therapist storyline was pretty hokey but, on the other hand, Susan Lucci and Tristan Rogers! That’s daytime drama royalty, babe! I enjoyed this episode.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.5 “Hyde and Seek/Command Performance/Sketchy Love”

Posted on July 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise is brought to you by Bolivian Nose Candy.

Episode 6.5 “Hyde and Seek/Command Performance/Sketchy Love”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on October 30, 1982)

Gopher dates a 14 year-old!

WHAT!?

Of course, Gopher doesn’t realize that she’s fourteen. I’m not really sure how Gopher doesn’t realize that because the girl is played by Kim Richards, who was 18 at the time but looked considerably younger. It should also be noted that the girl is also pretending to be her own fictional older sister and she claims to be 18 but …. eh. I have a hard time buying that Kim Richards could have convinced Gopher that she was two different people, just because that underbite was pretty hard to disguise. Even if we give Gopher the benefit of the doubt, he’s still a guy in mid-thirties, dating a teenager while he’s supposed to be working. I like Gopher but the Captain might have to find a new purser after this. How to explain Gopher’s self-destructive behavior? My theory is that he found Julia’s coke stash.

Fear not, though. It all works out. The truth comes out. Kim Richards’s father (played by Dana Andrews) announces that he’s going to spank his daughter. She’s fourteen, you’re not going to spank anyone, you old weirdo.

Meanwhile, a dude (Skip Stephenson) who looks like he’s been up a few nights on a cocaine binge falls in love with Morgan Brittany but …. uh oh! He’s married! Fortunately, his wife wants to divorce him, probably because of all the cocaine. To me, the funniest thing about this story is that, as soon as he gets on the cruise, he starts spilling his guts to Isaac as if they’re old friends. Dude, you don’t know Isaac. It’s a big ship and Isaac’s the only bartender. Isaac doesn’t have time to just stand there and listen to you whine. But that’s the thing with cocaine. It makes you a tad bit self-absorbed. Trust me, I’ve seen Scarface. I know about the yayo.

And finally, Dan Rowan plays a comedian who has been hired to perform on the ship. His ex-wife (Marion Ross) and daughter (Eve Plumb) just happen to be on the boat as well. Eve Plumb wants nothing to do with Dan Rowan, believing that he abandoned his family. Dan Rowan uses his act to explain what really happened and to beg his daughter to forgive him. I have to say that, if I was a passenger, I would be kind of ticked off. You show up at the Acapulco Lounge, hoping to have a good laugh and suddenly the headliner is crying and delivering this really depressing monologue. Thanks for ruining my cruise, jerk! Seriously, how coked up do you have to be to sabotage your career like that?

This was not my favorite cruise but at least Julia’s hair looked better here than it did last week. To be honest, the entire boat seemed to be coked up this week. Hopefully, they’ll all go to rehab and next week will be a bit more pleasant.