Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Love, exciting and new!
Let it go, it floats back to you!
We all float down here!
Episode 1.7 “Julie’s Old Flame / The Jinx / The Identical Problem”
(Directed by Don Weis, originally aired on November 12th, 1977)
The Love Boat is jinxed!
Or, at least, that’s what the crew assumes when they meet Horace and Henrietta McDonald (played by Ray Bolger and Harriet Nelson). Horace and Henrietta first met when they were children and they’ve been in love ever since. In fact, they met each other on a cruise. Unfortunately, that cruise was the Titanic!
(Remember, when this episode aired, it had been 65 years since the Titanic sank. So, there were still a few elderly survivors around.)
Anyway, the crew worries that Horace and Henrietta might bring bad luck with them and, before you know it, everyone’s getting injured. Doc Bricker gets hit by a door and ends up having to wear a bandage on his head. Gopher trips in the lounge. Isaac gets whiplash after falling in the pool. Julie ends up wearing an eye patch. To be honest, I think the crew is just clumsy.
While the crew is trying not to die, identical twins Ellen and Helen (Diana Canova) are trying to keep the crew from realizing that they’re both on the boat. (They only bought one ticket.) One of the twins falls in love with Doc Bricker. The other can’t stand him. Bricker being Bricker, he really doesn’t care how the twins feel about him. He just wants to get laid. Still, Bricker spend most of the episode very confused and very afraid of the Titanic jinx.
Meanwhile, Julie is shocked when she discovers that Buddy Stanfield (David Hedison) is on the cruise! Buddy is a wealthy and handsome attorney and he’s also Julie’s former lover. They had a whirlwind romance in Paris but then Julie discovered that Buddy was married and her heart was broken. Now, Buddy claims that he’s divorced and Julie starts to fall for him again. It’s pretty obvious that Buddy is lying but who can blame Julie when he’s played by the classy and suave David Hedison. Hedison played Felix Leiter in Live and Let Die and License to Kill. In between dealing with the jinx, the crew tries to proect Julie from Buddy. Of course, Buddy’s wife eventually shows up but at least Julie has her friends to support her!
Anyway, this was a pretty predictable episode and the plot with the twins was way too silly to believed. It didn’t help that the twins appeared to be in their early 20s while Doc Bricker is in his 40s at least. But David Hedison was a perfect cad and Ray Bolger (who, of course, is best-remembered for playing the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz) and Harriet Nelson were an adorable couple. This episode was nothing special but it was still enjoyable while it lasted.
Shy Beth (Shirley Knight) is now to the city and still struggling to make friends. Fortunately, her friend Janet gets her a nice corporate job. Unfortunately, Janet then vanishes and Beth discovers that her co-workers are more than just office workers, I won’t spoil the twist, since the title of this episode already did that.
Legion of Demons aired on February 2nd, 1973 and it undoubtedly led to a lot of viewers saying, “I think they filmed that at my office!”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Smiles, everyone! Smiles! My fantasy is to get this week’s review over with because, to be honest, this was one of the less interesting episodes of the original Fantasy Island. So, let’s get to it!
Episode 1.6 “Treasure Hunt/Beauty Contest”
(Directed by Allen Baron and George McCowan, originally aired on March 11th, 1978)
For this week’s episode of Fantasy Island, we have two so-so fantasies and a lot of scenes of Mr. Roarke and Tattoo arguing with each other. After having an almost brotherly relationship over the past few weeks, Roarke and Tattoo both seem kind of annoyed with each other during this episode. If I had to guess, I’d say that the episodes are probably being shown out of production order and this episode was written and filmed before the show’s producers were sure what the overall tone of the show should be.
Indeed, the first fantasy features Mr. Roarke allowing three people to search for a lost pirate’s treasure on an isolated part of the island. He does this despite the fact that the terrain is dangerous and that he knows that one of the three treasure hunters is planning on killing the other two. When Tattoo points out that a murder would be bad for business, Roarke kind of shrugs Tattoo off. Indeed, in this storyline, Roarke comes across as being rather aloof, as if he has little concern for the troubles of humanity.
As for the three treasure hunters, they are Stu Chambers (Michael Callan), his wife Andrea (Jo Ann Harris), and their friend James (Peter Haskell). Stu is under the impression that James and Andrea are carrying on an affair and, as Mr. Roarke mentioned, he is planning on killing the two of them. Fortunately, he changes his mind during the fantasy and, instead of murdering his wife and his best friend, he instead helps them survive when they get trapped in a cave. In the end, they don’t get the treasure but they do win back their ability to trust each other. One has to wonder what the consequences would have been if Stu had gone through with his original plans. Is there a Fantasy Island police force? Would Tattoo be forced to arrest Stu? Who knows?
Meanwhile, in the other fantasy, Maureen McCormick plays Sally Quinn. Sally is the daughter of a legendary beauty pageant winner. She wants to follow in her mother’s footsteps and win a pageant herself. However, Roarke — who seems far more invested in Sally’s fantasy than the treasure hunt fantasy — figures out that Sally’s real fantasy is to win the love of her father, Neville (Gene Barry). In the end, Sally doesn’t win the pageant but she does learn that there’s more to happiness than being beautiful.
To be honest, both of the fantasies in this episode are pretty dull and predictable. But we do learn a little bit about what Tattoo actually does on the island. He’s the accountant. He starts the show complaining that Mr. Roarke doesn’t charge enough for the fantasies. Tattoo then says he has a fantasy. Mr. Roarke laughs him off, saying that candy shop employees never develop a taste for candy. WHAT!?
We also learn that Roarke and Tattoo enjoy playing Monopoly but Tattoo apparently cheats by using loaded dice. And, to be honest, the thought of Roarke and Tattoo arguing over Boardwalk is such an appealing one that it saves the entire episode.
As for next week’s episode …. hopefully, it’ll involve even more Monopoly!
Tonight, on Circle of Fear, bratty Robert (played by Leif Garrett) discovers that an upstairs door in his family’s new apartment building leads to someplace very unexpected. His older sister, Peggy (Susan Dey), doesn’t believe him but she soon learns the error of her ways.
This episode is really creepy and atmospheric and I don’t want to spoil too much of it. It was written by Jimmy Sangster, who also did several Hammer films, and it was directed by Daryl Duke. To be honest, this episode reminds me of the episode of Lost where Jack stumbles across the ghosts of Ben’s parents outside of the cabin. It has a similar, dream-like feel to it.
The episode originally aired on January 26th, 1973.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
It’s time for championship so let’s get to it!
Episode 1.13 “Game Day”
(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)
The final episode of Hang Time‘s first season opens not with the team practicing or Coach Fuller coaching. Instead, it opens with the Deering High gym dark and deserted, with the exception of Samantha. Samantha sits in the bleachers, writing in her diary. As I watched this scene, it occurred to me that, after 12 episodes, we know next to nothing about Sam beyond the fact that she works at the Sports Shack, she’s the equipment manager, and she’s dating Danny. Does she have a family? Does she have parents who wonder why she’s hanging out at the gym in the middle of the night? Why can’t she write in her journal at home? I get the feeling that Sam’s home life must have been some sort of Dickensian nightmare.
Anyway, this episode revolves around Sam remembering the days leading up the championship game and the game itself. She writes that she had never seen Coach Fuller “so pumped,” which means that we get a flashback of Fuller talking to the team in the locker room and yes, he does seem pretty excited. Fuller tells the team that “I know the Huskies are undefeated …. but I know we’re going to win tonight because we’re a family!”
(Here’s my thing, though. The Huskies are undefeated but the Tornadoes are not. So why is the championship being played at Deering High instead of wherever it is that the Huskies are from?)
Fuller leaves the locker room and everyone starts fighting! Oh no! There’s trouble in basketball world! Michael thinks he’s jinxed! Danny and Sam are arguing! Chris and Julie aren’t even talking!
“But I’m getting ahead of myself,” Sam writes, “This all started Monday morning.”
And so, we go even further into the flashback machine. Julie gives Chris a massage outside the school but gets upset when Chris accidentally calls her “Mary Beth.” “It just slipped out!” Chris replies, something that he probably says to Julie a lot. Julie gets upset.
Meanwhile, while having a picnic in the gym (again, with the gym), Sam tells Danny that she loves him. Danny panics and replies, “I like you a lot.” AGCK! Bad move, Danny. It’s bad enough that Sam is apparently not allowed to leave the gym. She’s also got a coward for a boyfriend.
At practice, Coach Fuller tells everyone that they have to play as a team. Fuller says that Chris’s playing has sucked over the past few weeks. What could Chris be doing differently than before? Let’s see. When Chris was playing well, he was dating Mary Beth. Now, he’s dating …. uh oh. Mary Beth overhears and mentions that she used to always kiss Chris before every game. Now, of course, Chris is dating Julie and Julie apparently doesn’t believe in showing affection so it sucks to be Chris.
At lunch, Julie tells Sam that she grew up with four brothers and they can play “every Led Zeppelin song through use of their armpits.” I don’t know if I believe that. Some of those songs are pretty long. Stairway to Heaven is like a 50-minute song if I remember correctly. Julie is worried Chris isn’t over Mary Beth. Sam says that she has nothing to worry about and then writes, “Sometimes, you have to lie through your teeth.”
Danny tries to apologize to Sam, explaining the he thinks people are too quick to use the “L-word.” Sam says she understands but then Danny casually mentions that he “loves” tuna fish. Meanwhile, Earl freaks out because Michael walks under a ladder. Everyone’s getting a storyline in this episode!
Chris also gives into his superstition, sharing a kiss with Mary Beth before the game. Actually, he shares several. He’s so busy kissing her that he doesn’t notice Julie coming out of the locker room until the last minute! Uh-oh.
The game begins with everyone angry at each other. Myself, I’m more concerned that the other team is being played by people who obviously were basketball players and, as a result, they tower over the Deering Tornadoes.
(Incidentally, I spell Tornadoes with an E. Judging by the banners hanging in the Deering High gym, this show does not. However, I’m the one writing the review.)
Before the game begins, Julie tells Chris that she’s not going to be a runner-up to anyone. (But seriously, Mary Beth is so cool that if you were going to be runner up to someone….) Julie then kisses Earl to show that she can have any guy she wants. Earl does the chef’s kiss motion while Chris stares on horrified.
Despite their problems, the Deering High Tornadoes still take the lead. However, Coach Fuller is angry because the score is still too close in his opinion. Hey, Coach, they’re winning! A win is a win. Fuller does praise Chris for playing a great game. We all know who deserves the credit for that. Mary Beth better get the game ball.
In a subplot that is so stupid that I’ve been tying to avoid mentioning it, Michael has been trying to play the game without stepping on any cracks on the gym floor. (He doesn’t want to break his mother’s back. I told you it was stupid.) Fuller yanks him out of the game and sends in a previously unseen player as a replacement. The new player’s name is Bryan Kuta, which feels like such a random name that I’m assuming that was either the actor’s real name or the name of someone on the show’s crew. Later, when Fuller tries to send Michael back into the game, Michael refuses because there’s only 13 seconds left in the quarter. I would make fun of Michael but, to be honest, I refuse to use odd numbers. If you’ve ever wondered why I always use four periods for an ellipsis instead of the standard three …. well, now you know. Anyway, Fuller gives Michael a piece of tape and tells him to use it as a good luck charm.
Danny gets knocked to the ground. Samantha runs out on court to make sure that he’s okay. Michael interrupts the game by grabbing a microphone and announcing, “Samantha Morgan, I love you.” Awwwwwww! Yes, it’s cringey but Sam and Danny are a cute couple so it works.
With only 30 seconds left in the game, Coach Fuller pulls Chris and Julie off the court and replaces them with the second-string players. Of course, the Tornados are up by ten. Let’s see if Fuller would be so nice if it was a one point game! Chris tells Julie that all of the luck came from Julie and not Mary Beth. Personally, I think we all know that Mary Beth deserves all the credit.
The Tornadoes win the championship 84-75. “Well, congratulations,” Fuller tells the players, “You’re the champs.” That wasn’t much of a speech but …. Yay, I guess.
And so, the first season comes to an end. Chris and Julie are a couple! Danny and Sam are in love! Michael is going to be a star! Earl already is a star! I can’t wait to see what happens to all of them next season….
Oh, alright. I’ll tell you what happens next season. Chris, Sam, Michael, and Earl are written out of the show and all of tonight’s storylines are forgotten about. Join us next week for …. THE NEW HANG TIME!
On tonight’s episode of the show that was once Ghost Story, six artists rent out a space to create and show their art. Unfortunately, they also find a trunk, one that contains six ancient glass containers. Everyone’s work starts to take a dark turn as the artists become more and more obsessed with the containers.
That plot description might not sound like much but this is a pretty good episode, one that’s full of atmosphere and sly humor. The script was by Harlan Ellison and D.C. Fontana. Anyone who has ever spent any time in a commune will be able to relate!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1977’s The City. It can be viewed on YouTube!
“Civilization began when man realized that he could not survive alone. He left the wilderness and built his citadels, security against intruders and erosion from within. The cities of the world have since become the crossroads of trade and ideas. Ideas that have made the human race more powerful than primitive man could ever have dreamed. Among these was an invention, a machine that conquered to contemporary enemies of man: time and distance….”
So goes the opening narration of 1977’s The City. The narrator is the veteran character actor (and television producer) William Conrad and, as he speaks, we sees images of the California desert eventually being conquered by the growing city of Los Angeles. It’s a bit of a portentous opening for a film that turns out to be fairly standard police procedural but it makes sense when you consider that The City was apparently meant to be a pilot for an anthology series about the people of Los Angeles.
The City features Mark Hamill, shortly before Star Wars would turn him into a cultural icon. Hamill plays Eugene Banks, a sweaty, wild-eyed petty criminal who has made his way to Los Angeles from Texas. Banks manages to get a nice apartment and a job working at a gas station. One day, after a lawyer demands that Banks fill the tank of his Porsche, Banks snaps. He grabs a wrench and attacks the car. Then, he attacks the lawyer, beating the man until he dies. Banks proceed to go on a crime and killing spree across Los Angeles, flashing a particularly scary-looking knife whenever he gets the chance.
Searching for Banks are two mismatched cops. Matt Lewis (Robert Forster) is the tough-as-nails, emotionally reserved veteran with a bad knee and a determination to catch the bad guys. The case becomes personal for Lewis after Banks kills his partner. Brain Scott (Don Johnson) is a shaggy-haired country boy, much like Banks. Brian comes from a wealthy family and is a bit more idealistic in his approach than Lewis.
Banks, it turns out, is obsessed with a country singer named Wes Collins (Jimmy Dean). Banks not only resents the fact that Collins has everything that Banks has ever wanted but he’s also convinced that Collins is actually the father who abandoned him when he was a baby. Banks wants to get revenge and he’s not going to let anyone, whether they be a bystander, a cop, or a dog, stand in his way.
Yes, Eugene Banks kills a dog in this film. Fortunately, it happens off-screen but it’s still an indication of just how different this role is from Hamill’s best-known live action role. As the two cops, Forster and Johnson work well together and bring their somewhat stereotypical characters to life but the main reason most people will watch this film will be for the chance to see Mark Hamill play an absolute lunatic. With the exception of his somewhat dodgy Texas accent, Hamill does a good job with the role. He’s got the crazy eyes down and he’s actually frightening when he attacks the lawyer at the start of the film. The film itself is a bit predictable (i.e., the mismatched partners learn to work together, the bad guy gives a speech at an inopportune time) but The City is worth watching for the cast.
I spent most of this week watching movies but I did catch a few shows. Here’s some thoughts on them:
Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)
Ava is such a cool principal! This week’s episode wasn’t as strong as the previous three episodes but the scenes in which we saw how Ava dealt with disciplinary problems were entertaining. “I want to go to the principal’s office!”
Another crazy day at the mall. I’m glad Al survived. Earn and Darius got their shoes. The Crank Dat Killer was taken off the streets. Some Guy Named Doug finally got to collaborate with Al. Another day in Atlanta.
Bachelor in Paradise (Monday and Tuesday Night, ABC)
Eh. This season is too complicated for me. The scenery’s nice.
Baywatch (Weekday Morning, H&I)
I watched an episode of Baywatch on Wednesday morning. After an accident left him paralyzed, Manny had a crisis of confidence. Meanwhile, Neely and Mitch continued to argue on the beach. This was an episode from Baywatch’s final season. It was all a bit silly but the scenery was nice.
In the first episode, Aunt Becky went back to work and Danny panicked because it meant his new girlfriend would be leaving Wake Up, San Francisco. Fortunately, she got hired to do weather so I guess that all worked out. Becky going back to work reminded me of how little Jesse actually does.
In the second episode, a singer was hired to perform at Stephanie’s birthday party. Stephanie had a crush on him but he had a crush on DJ. The singer was like 30 so he really shouldn’t have had a crush on either of them.
Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)
Poor Jay! He just wants some friends, like his wife has with the ghosts. Unfortunately, he always seems to end up finding the worst possible friends around. This week, he nearly got sucked into a cult. Perhaps Jay should follow the ghost’s advice and become a snake oil salesman.
Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)
O’Shay being eliminated was not a huge surprise. It really should have happened last week, when he tried to send out raw chicken. The episode ended with Chef Ramsay announcing that the 20s vs. 40s competition was over and the show was reverting back to its usual women vs men format. Again, this wasn’t a huge surprise. Hell’s Kitchen, unlike several other reality shows, has pretty much stuck with its original format and I don’t see it changing any time soon.
Interview With A Vampire (Sunday Night, AMC)
I’m still struggling to get into this one, for whatever reason. I’ll give it another try next week and maybe rewatch the first two episodes as well.
Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)
This week, the criminal was a serial killer who was also a famous actor. The episode wasn’t anything special but at least it wasn’t obnoxiously political.
Law & Order: Organized Crime (Thursday Night, NBC)
I watched it but I’d be lying if I said I remembered a thing about it, beyond Stabler looking like he was about to give himself a heart attack with all of his pent-up rage.
Law & Order: SVU (Thursday Night, NBC)
Again, I watched it but I don’t remember much about it. By broadcasting all of these Law & Order shows on the same night, NBC is causing them to blend together in my mind.
Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)
I honestly thought last week’s episode was the season finale but it turns out I was wrong! A new episode dropped on Thursday. Beavis and Butt-Head building their own dinosaur was hilarious and also sad. “Why did we do this?”
I didn’t pay much attention. Chris Hardwicke seemed kind of bored with it all.
The Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)
I hate to admit it but I have yet to find the time to write out full length reviews of the past two episodes of The Walking Dead. Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to do it next week. As for last week’s episode, it was an improvement on the episode that came before it. I’m kind of bored with the downfall of the Commonwealth, though. I think the show made an excuse taking that long break before starting the final half of season 11. I was really into the show before that break but now I’m struggling to get reinvested.
In today’s episode of Circle of Fear, Martin Sheen plays a construction worker who finds a box at a site. He brings it home to show his wife, Kim Darby. When they open the box, they discover only a mirror and a toy horse. Hey, that doesn’t seem too bad, right? But then Darby starts to have nightmares that indicate that the horse might be cursed!
This episode aired on January 12th, 1973. It’s always a little bit jarring to see Martin Sheen playing a regular guy, back before The West Wing brought out his pompous side. Young Martin Sheen was quite a good actor. His resemblance to Emilio Estevez is uncanny. I wonder if they’re related.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, season one comes to an end and season two begins. And with season two, an important new character is introduced. With the start of the second season, we also get new opening credits.
But first, let’s get the end of season one out of the way.
Episode 1.13 “Where’s Dennis?”
(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 5th, 1992)
With their parents out of town, Matt and Jenny throw a big party at the Garrison house and, naturally, the Dreams perform. A promoter comes by the party and tells the Dreams that they’re “sick.” (“That means good,” he adds as the Dreams breathe a sigh of 90s relief.) However, younger brother Dennis feels that his old siblings are neglecting him and he runs away. Can Matt and Jenny find Dennis before their parents come home?
Eh, who cares? The worst episodes of the first season of California Dreams were the ones that focused on the Garrison family.
Episode 2.1 “Jake’s Song”
(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 11th, 1993)
In between the end of the first season and the start of the second season of California Dreams, NBC delivered an ultimatum to the show’s producers. If the show was going to continue, it would need to lose the adults and focus on the band. It would also need to add some more Saved By The Bell-style hijinks.
As such, the Garrison adults were largely dropped, as was younger brother Dennis. Whereas the first season didn’t feature a single scene that actually took place in a high school, the new California Dreams would feature clueless teachers, sputtering principles, and the same high school interiors that would later show up in Hang Time.
Most importantly, the first episode of the second season introduced viewers to Jake Summers (played by Jay Anthony Franke). Jake was a tough guy who rode a motorcycle, wore a leather jacket, and who never lost a fight. Jake was a rocking rebel with the soul of a poet and he was obviously added to the show to try to give the California Dreams some sort of edge. Of course, California Dreams was still a TNBC show so “edgy” really just meant that Jake looked like he might have smoked a cigarette at some point in his life. Jake wore a leather jacket and got a serious look on his face whenever it was time to play guitar but the music was still Disney-level pop. Jake was the toughest California Dream in the way that Joey Fatone used to be the toughest member of NSYNC.
Jake makes his first appearance in California Dreams when he walks into the high school, wearing a leather jacket and followed by several adoring girls. “Woooooooooo!” the audience yells, showing that they already know that the new star of the show has arrived.
Anyway, Jake says that he wants to talk to Matt. Everyone’s terrified that Jake is going to kill Matt but instead, Jake just likes some music that Matt wrote and he wants to offer him some lyrics for the song. Matt discovers that Jake can play guitar and he invites Jake to join the Dreams. The rest of the Dreams are like, “Jake’s too tough and scary!” Can’t they hear how crazy the live audience goes whenever Jake enters a scene? The Dreams need Jake! Of course, Jake isn’t even sure that he wants to join the Dreams but then they all play together at Sharkey’s. Jake becomes a Dream and immediately start to overshadow the star of the show. The future is set.
Jake would eventually become a bit of a neutered character, especially after Matt was written out of the show and Jake took over the band. But, in his first appearance, he actually has enough rebel charisma that it’s easy to understand why the show’s producers decided to build the new California Dreams around him. His surly attitude actually provided a nice contrast to Matt’s more vanilla style. In their first episode together, Jay Anthony Franke and Brent Gore brought out the best in each other.
Would Jake and Matt continue to bring out the best in each other? We’ll find out next week!
Through the Shattered Lens 