Tag Archives: Shannon Tweed

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.7 “The Wedding/Castaways”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Lawrence ruins everything.

Episode 7.7 “The Wedding/Castaways”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on November 26th, 1983)

Ugh, this episode.

Nerdy Fred Connors (Richard Gilliland) wants to spend a weekend alone with a beautiful woman.  His favorite supermodel, Christy Robbins (Phyllis Davis), has been pressured by her manager (Steve Perry) into agreeing to spend the weekend with Fred at Pelican Cove.  Fred and Christy will have their picture taken before and after their weekend together to show just how much spending time alone with Christy Robbins will improve one’s outlook on life.

Let’s just stop here and state the obvious.  This makes ZERO sense.  Christy’s manager has no idea who Fred is.  He doesn’t even meet Fred until it’s time to him and Christy to go to Pelican Cove.  Christy is a world-famous model.  In what world would a celebrity agree to be abandoned on an isolated island with a total stranger?  The photographers aren’t staying on the island with them.  Instead, Christy and Fred are dropped off on the island and then everyone else leaves.  If I was Christy, I would get a new manager.

A rival model named Celina Morgan (Shannon Tweed) was also up for the “abandoned on an island with a possible sex maniac” gig and she’s upset that she lost out to Christy.  So, she sneaks out to Pelican Bay herself and soon, she and Christy are fighting over the right to spend their time with Fred.  It’s dumb and it makes no sense and, considering that the whole fantasy is basically two beautiful woman fighting over one dorky guy, it’s actually feels a bit demeaning and mean-spirited.

Of course, it’s nowhere near as mean-spirited as the other fantasy.  Lucy Gorman (Jeannie Wilson) is unhappy in her marriage to Dr. Jack Gorman (Gordon Thomson).  She tells Roarke that the only good thing that came out of her marriage was her daughter (Andrea Barber) but Lucy even feels jealous of her!  Lucy wants to go back to her wedding day so she can see what would happen if she left her husband at the altar and pursued another doctor (Richard Pierson).

Well, the main that would happen is that Lucy’s daughter would never be born.  But somehow, this doesn’t occur to Lucy until the fantasy has started.  How would that not occur to a mother?  This fantasy was …. I can’t even begin to describe how annoying it was.  Lucy came across as being very self-centered and kind of dumb.

I swear, the seventh season has just been terrible so far and I blame one person.

And, no, it’s not Mr. Roarke.

Seriously, ever since Lawrence showed up, the Island just hasn’t been the same.  Are we sure that Lawrence isn’t the Devil?  I mean, I know the Devil was traditionally played by Roddy McDowall on this show but I’m sure he change his appearance.  There’s something sinister about Lawrence and I don’t trust him.  He doesn’t care about Roarke and he doesn’t care about the fantasies.

What a disappointing trip to the Island.  Traditionally, the last season of any show is usually the worst but it’s still painful to watch Fantasy Island misfire like it did with this episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.8 “Burnout”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Oh no!  It’s the cops!

Episode 1.8 “Burnout”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on April 20th, 1996)

This episode of Pacific Blue opens with a hilarious scene of Victor and Cory sneaking up on some drug dealers that they’ve spotted making a sale.  What makes it hilarious is that Victor and Cory somehow manage to do this while 1) wearing their blindingly white t-shirts and 2) riding their bikes.  There’s not much good to say about this show but there’s an undeniable amusement factor in the show’s insistence that bicycle cops don’t look massively dumb creeping up on people while on their bikes.

It turns out that the dealers aren’t selling the usual “smack,” as Cory puts it.  Instead, they’re selling steroids!  Sheila (Shannon Tweed) is upset that one of her waitresses had gotten hooked on steroids and…. wait, who?  Sheila briefly appeared in the pilot episode but she hasn’t been mentioned since and this is certainly the first time that we learn that Lt. Palermo’s girlfriend owns a restaurant.  This episode acts as if Sheila is a regular character that we all know and love.

I get the feeling this episode was meant to air earlier in the season.  Not only does Sheila return but Chris is back to being her arrogant, bitter self.  Chris was a fighter pilot until her eyesight failed, a story we hear again and again in this episode.  (She no longer has 20/20 eyesight but whenever she talks about it, she makes it sound as if she literally went blind.)  Another pilot, Greg (Peter Barton), comes to visit her and makes a few jokes about how riding a bicycle is lame.  This gives Chris a chance to defend her job and to also call out Greg for being a sexist who just wants to get laid before returning to the skies.  Chris may be right about Greg but he’s played by the totally adorable Peter Barton so really, why not?

Meanwhile, on the beach, a schizophrenic man annoys the owner of a bodega by playing his saxophone.  Fights break out,  Cory tells the saxophone man to play his instrument under the pier.  Presumably, it will be easier for him to get mugged or murdered under there.  I like that the solution when it came to the crazy homeless man was just to find somewhere else for him to be crazy and homeless.  Don’t take him to a shelter or a hook him up with mental health professionals or anything silly like that.

This show …. ugh.  I’m really hoping the first season is an outlier and the subsequent seasons will be an improvement.  The only thing worse than bicyclists are people who are cocky about being bicyclists.  For 8 episodes now, it’s been one person after another expressing shock at the whole bicycle thing.  We get it.  We understand.  The cops look stupid on their Schwinns.  But, that’s the show.  If Pacific Blue is still trying to justify its existence after eight episodes, that’s not a great sign.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.12 “Oh Lucky Man!”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

It’s time to work at another youth center!

Episode 3.12 “Oh Lucky Man!”

(Dir by Dan Gordon, originally aired on December 10th, 1986)

Jonathan and Mark are working at a youth center …. again!

Don’t get me wrong.  There’s nothing wrong with Jonathan and Mark working at a youth center.  From what I’ve seen of this show, Michael Landon seemed to have a natural rapport with kids and Victor French’s grouchiness was always put to good use whenever he had to deal with someone younger.  It’s just hard not to notice that Jonathan and Mark seemed to go to several youth centers each episode and they almost always dealt with exact same issue.  Some kid is angry or insecure.  He may not have a father in his life.  Jonathan helps the kid admit his anger and learn to trust whoever wanted to adopt him.  Usually, this seemed to involve helping the kid find the courage to play a sport or something similar.

In this episode, the youth center is run by an ex-con named Jake (Thalmus Rasulal).  Mark was the one who arrested Jake and sent him to prison but Jake so impressed Mark with how he turned his life around that Mark ended up testifying in favor of giving Jake parole.  Jake opened up a youth center to “keep the kids out of the gangs.”  And again, there’s nothing wrong with that.  I admire anyone who comes out of prison and attempts to do something good for their community.  One of the truly shameful things about our justice system is that it’s been forgotten that prison is meant to rehabilitate.  We focus so much on punishment that we end up forgetting that we’re supposed to be a nation built on second chances.  Jake has made something out of himself and now, he’s giving back.

(And yes, that is your When Did Lisa Marie Become A Bleeding Heart? moment of the week,)

The problem is that his youth center desperately needs money.  It looks like everything is going to be alright when Mark wins $5,000,000 while taking the kids out for lunch.  Mark plans to give the money to the youth center.  He also plans to be there for a troubled kid named Brady (Ian Michael Giatti).  But when Mark is approached by Nina Van Slyke (Shannon Tweed), those plans change.  Nina claims to be the head of a charity and she convinces Mark that her charity could do a lot more good with the money than the youth center.  Mark finds himself falling in love with Nina and he even tells Jonathan that they’re partnership might be over.  However, Nina is actually a con artist who just wants to take Mark’s money for herself.

Will Mark see the error of his ways?  Of course!  And he’ll apologize to Brady for missing Brady’s big game and he’ll keep the youth center open by giving the money to Jake.  This is Highway to Heaven.  There’s not a cynical note to be found in this show.

That said, this episode was a bit uneven with the soap opera-like scenes of Nina and her partner (Roy Thinnes) plotting to cheat Mark never gelling with the more earnest scenes of Jonathan helping out at the youth center.  As always, this episode was well-intentioned and about as sincere as you can get.  The strength of this show is that it’s so sincere.  But Shannon Tweed felt like she was acting in a totally different show from Highway to Heaven.  As a result, this episode never quite came together as a cohesive unit.

Oh well.  At least Brady’s going to get a family!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Last month, we finished up Baywatch Nights.  For our next show, we have Pacific Blue, which was often described as being Baywatch On Bikes.  Before watching the episode reviewed below, I had only seen one previous episosde of Pacific Blue.  I was in Rome and the episode was dubbed into Italian.

As I sit here typing this, it is currently 32 degrees and windy outside.  On Thursday, we’re supposed to get hit with ice and snow.  Fortunately, on Pacific Blue, it’s forever summer!  Let’s dive right in with the first episode!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Ralph Hemecker, originally aired on March 2nd, 1996)

Welcome to Santa Monica in the 90s!

The skies are sunny, the ocean is blue, everyone’s wearing a bikini or a swimsuit, and the cops are on bikes!

The pilot for Pacific Blue opens with Officers Victor Del Toro (Marcos A. Ferraez) and Cory McNamara (Paula Trickey) riding their bikes down the boardwalk and talking about how criminals and even citizens often don’t pay them enough respect because they’re on bicycles.  And, to be honest, they do look pretty silly riding their bicycles with their grim “I am the Law” facial expressions.  Judge Dredd would never be caught dead on a bicycle.

When Victor and Cory catch a couple of graffiti-spraying vandals, they get to show off what they can do with their bicycles.  “They can run but we can fly,” Victor says as he takes off after the fleeing vandals.  And …. no, sorry.  The bikes still look dorky.  I don’t care how many bad guys the bike cops capture.  The dark shorts and the crisp white t-shirts and the Schwinn bicycles, none of it is intimidating.

Chris Kelly (Darlene Vogel) was once a hotshot Navy pilot until her eyesight dipped below 20/20 and she was discharged.  (You have to have 20/20 eyesight to fly a plane?  Well, I’ll add that to my list of things that I will never be allowed to do!)  Chris joined the Santa Monica police force and found herself assigned to tell kids not to go off with strangers while wearing a milk carton costume.  After Chris catches some drug dealers (again, while dressed up like a milk carton), she is transferred out of public relations and over to …. BIKE PATROL!

Her new boss, Tony Palermo (Rick Rossovich), explains that Chris will require three days of bicycle training before she’s officially a member of Bike Patrol.  In one montage, Chris learns how to ride a bike like a …. well, I would say like a “badass,” except for the fact that she’s on a dorky Schwinn.  She is then partnered up with TC Callaway (Jim Davidson), who orders her to lose the attitude when it comes to riding her bike.  No one is too good for bike patrol!

TC’s girlfriend, Sandy (Cindy Ambuehl), thinks TC should get a job working for his wealthy father.  TC’s younger brother agrees.  But TC loves the beach.  He loves chasing criminals.  He loves riding his bike!  TC was born to work with ocean in the distance and sand getting stuck in the spokes of his bike,

Speaking of criminals, someone has stolen Mayor Mickey Dolenz’s car.  (Mickey Dolenz appears as himself.)  The Bike Patrol takes down a bunch of car thieves and closes down their chop shop.  It’s a standard cop show plot but keep in mind that this is just the first episode.  The purpose of a first episode is to introduce all the characters and explain the premise of the show.  And that’s what this pilot did so technically, this episode has to be considered a success.

The only problem — and I have a feeling that I’ll be coming back to this point frequently over the next two years or so — is that the Bike Patrol looks incredibly dorky.  Pacific Blue was obviously meant to capitalize on the success of Baywatch but the thing with Baywatch is that, as incredibly dumb as that show could be, the slow motion running looked cool.  The members of the Bike Patrol riding their bikes up and down the beach just look silly.

That said, the beach scenery was nice to look at and this show does seem like it might have the potential to be fun in a so-bad-it’s-good sort of way.  So, we’ll see what happens.  By the end of this month, I’ll either be happy that I picked this show to review or I’ll be cursing my terrible judgment.  We’ll find out soon enough.

Retro Television Review: The Last Fling (dir by Corey Allen)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1987’s The Last Fling!  It  can be viewed on YouTube and Tubi.

Phillip Reed (John Ritter) is an attorney who has never gotten married, despite all of his friends trying to set him up with single women.  Even his law partner (Scott Bakula) worries about how Phillip’s love life is going.  Phillip’s married best friends (Paul Sand and Kate Zentall) think that Phillip is scared of commitment.  Phillip’s mother (Paddi Edwards) thinks he’s gay.  Joanne Preston (Shannon Tweed) enjoys sleeping with him but she owns a lot of cats that make him sneeze.  And since he’s played by John Ritter, you better believe that every sneeze is more dramatic than the last.

Gloria Franklin (Connie Selleca) is engaged to marry Jason Elliot (John Bennett Perry) but she worries that her rigidly controlled lifestyle has caused her to miss out on enjoying her time as a single person.  When she finds out that Jason is going to go to Las Vegas for a wild bachelor party, she decides to have one last fling of her own.

Phillip and Gloria meet each other at the zoo.  (Again, because Phillip is played by John Ritter, there are multiple shots of him making monkey noises while looking at the gorillas.)  Gloria tells Phillip that her name is Marsha Lyons.  Their meeting leads to Phillip and Gloria/Marsha spending the weekend in Mexico together.  (A very young, pre-Saved By The Bell Mario Lopez shows up as the kid who gives them their renal car.)  Despite an unseen mishap that causes their car to catch on fire, Phillip and Gloria spend a romantic night at a villa.  When Phillip wakes up the next morning, he’s convinced that he’s finally found the woman with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life.  However, Gloria is already gone.  She leaves behind a video confession, in which she tells Phillip that she’s going to be getting married.

Phillip returns to Los Angeles, determined to track down the mysterious Gloria and stop that wedding.

The Last Fling is an uneven romantic comedy.  It starts out as an amiable and sweetly funny film, with both Connie Sellecca and John Ritter giving likable performances.  But once Phillip returns from Mexico and starts searching for Gloria, it gets a bit too manic for its own good.  Instead of being a funny movie about two human beings looking for love, it instead becomes a live-action cartoon with John Ritter running from one location to another while being chased by Gloria’s husband-to-be.  The movie ends up getting so frantic that it actually becomes a bit annoying, which is a shame considering how things started.  By the end of the movie, Phillip is so obsessive that it’s hard not to feel that Gloria would be better off just staying single and maybe spending the next weekend in Mexico with Scott Bakula.

The director of The Last Fling played Buzz in Rebel Without A Cause.  Fortunately, no one plays chicken in this movie.

Powerplay (1999, directed by Chris Baugh)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Shannon Tweed plays Jacqueline, a sexy con artist who seduces older men and then, after she poisons them, runs away with all of their money.  After her latest target, Benjamin Alcott (Bryan Kent), ends up floating dead in his swimming pool, Jacqueline heads off to find her next target.  Ben’s estranged daughter, Candice (Danielle Ciardi), is upset to learn that Ben only left her his library of book while leaving all of his money to Jacqueline.  Along with her sleazy boyfriend, Steve (Jim Richer), Candice tracks Jacqueline down and tries to con the con artist.

Shannon Tweed is top-billed in Powerplay but she’s not in much of the movie.  Both onscreen and off, this was clearly a take the money and run job for Tweed.  Still, a little bit of Tweed is better than no Tweed at all, especially where a film like Powerplay is concerned.  Of all the actresses who regularly appeared in late night Cinemax in the 90s, Tweed was definitely the most talented and she brings some needed energy to her scenes.  Tweed’s main strength as a star was always that she could be appealing and sexy even while she was smirking about killing someone and Powerplay makes good use of that ability.

The majority of the film, though, follows Candice and Steve as they try to track Jacqueline down.  In a nice twist, Candice is just as greedy, voracious, and cold-hearted as Jacqueline and Danielle Ciardi (who bore a probably not coincidental resemblance to Neve Campbell in Wild Things) does a good job of playing her.   This was Ciardi’s film debut and, according to the imdb, her only starring role.  That is too bad because it seems like she had the talent to do much more.  Unfortunately, Jim Richer is far less effective in the role of Steve.  In fact, all of the male performances in Powerplay are lousy and are not helped by an overly convoluted script that features a few plot twists that are incoherent even by the standards of the typical direct-to-video neonoir.  Powerplay ends with multiple cons and double-crosses but none of them feel earned.  There’s a difference between something like Stephen Frears’s The Grifters, where the con is obvious once you know what to look for, and Powerplay, where the con feels like a last minute addition to the script.

But who am I kidding?  This film wasn’t made for an audience that’s going to be watching for the plot.  They’re going to be watching because Shannon Tweed takes a shower while the man she poisoned dies nearby and because Candice is written and portrayed as almost being a nymphomaniac.  (Candice has a creative way of handling things when a hotel employee knock on the door of a room that she’s not supposed to be in.)  Powerplay has enough sex and nudity that it was undoubtedly popular when it showed up on late night Cinemax in 1999.  But it doesn’t have enough of a story to be memorable for any reason beyond that.

Cinemax Friday: The Last Hour (1991, directed by William Sachs)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Because Eric (William Sachs) is a wealthy stockbroker who has just stolen five million dollars from the mafia, mob boss Lombardi (Bobby Di Cicco) sends a group of his enforcers to get both Eric and the moeny.  However, when they arrive at Eric’s home, they discover that he’s not there but his wife, Susan (Shannon Tweed), is!  After they kidnap Susan, they take her to an abandoned skyscraper and they wait for Eric to show up with the money.  However, Susan’s ex-husband, Jeff (Michael Pare), is a tough cop who is not going to let anyone get away with holding his ex-wife hostage.  After reluctantly teaming up with Eric, Jeff infiltrates the skyscraper and takes on the kidnappers, one-by-one.

What do we have with this movie?  We’ve got an abandoned skyscraper.  We’ve got a group of flamboyant hostage takers.  We’ve got a beautiful woman being held prisoner.  We’ve got a hero who is a tough cop and who loses his shirt early in the movie.  You probably think this is a Die Hard rip-off but consider this!  In Die Hard, the main bad guy was a European terrorist.  In The Last Hour, he’s an American mafioso.  Otherwise, this is totally a Die Hard rip-off.  It’s Die Hard with a much lower budget and with a wooden Michael Pare serving as an unconvincing stand-in for Bruce Willis.

However, The Last Hour does have two things that Die Hard could have used.  First off, it’s got Danny Trejo as one of the hostage takers.  Any movie with Danny Trejo is going to automatically be cooler than any movie without Danny Trejo.  Of course, this movie asks us to pretend that Michael Pare vs Danny Trejo would be a fair fight but we all know that, in the real world, Danny would totally win that battle.  The other thing that this movie has that Die Hard doesn’t is Shannon Tweed.  Shannon doesn’t get to do a lot.  If you want to see a Die Hard rip-off where Shannon really gets to show what she can do, watch No Contest.  Still, just as with Danny Trejo, any film with Shannon Tweed is automatically better than any film without her.

The Last Hour is no Die Hard, no matter how much it tries.  But if brings together Danny Trejo and Shannon Tweed and for that, late night Cinemax viewers everywhere give thanks.

Cinemax Friday: Electra (1996, directed by Julian Grant)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

No, this is not the terrible Electra film starring Jennifer Garner.  Instead, this the Electra where Shannon Tweed shoots lighting from her finger tips.

In this offering, Shannon Tweed plays Lorna, who is the stepmother of Billy (Joe Tabb).  Billy has a job cutting down trees.  He uses an axe instead of a chainsaw because no one does anything that makes sense in Electra.  Billy has a girlfriend named Mary Anne (Katie Griffin).  Lorna hates Mary Anne because Lorna wants Billy and, even if he won’t admit it, Billy wants Lorna too.

Billy is also the sole survivor of an experimental test group that was used to develop a super drug that can provide the people who take it with super strength.  Billy still takes the drug on a regular basis, though he doesn’t seem to really understand how it works.  He’s just in it for the super strength.

Marcus Roache (Sten Eirik) is an evil billionaire who is confined to a wheelchair.  He knows that, if he can get Billy’s super strength, he’ll be able to walk again and then he can use the powers to take over the world.  However, other than through taking the pills, the only way that Billy can pass on his powers is through sexual intercourse so Marcus sends two of his employees — Gina (Dyanne DiMarco) and Karen (Lara Daans) — to abduct Billy and seduce him.  Since Gina and Karen both wear leather dominatrix costumes, discretion is apparently not important.  Marcus hopes that Billy will impregnate one or both of them and they will give birth to a superbaby who will go on to father a super race that will work for Marcus.  When Billy manages to resist the best efforts of Gina and Karen, Marcus brings in his secret weapon, Lorna!  Lorna now dresses like Gina and Karen and, eventually, she reveals that she can now fire electricity with her fingers, which is which she is now known as Electra!

(Of course, it could also have something to do with her wanting to get it on with her stepson.)

Of the many films that Shannon Tweed appeared in during the 1990s, Electra might be the most ludicrous.  It’s pretty bad but it was probably never meant to be good and it’s doubtful anyone watched this film for the plot.  They watched the film for Shannon Tweed in black latex and shooting lightning bolts from her fingers.  Electra does not disappoint where that’s concerned.  As usual, Tweed is better than her material but the film itself is too slapdash and amateurishly done to really be as much fun as it should be.  A film featuring both super serums and Shannon Tweed should never have slow spots but Electra has a few.  Deliberate camp can be difficult for even the most skilled directors to pull off and Electra often seems like it’s trying too hard to appeal to the “so bad it’s good” demographic.  If this has been directed by someone like Fred Olen Ray, it would be probably be a cult classic but, as it is, this is really only for the most dedicated fans of Shannon Tweed.

Cinemax Friday: The Rowdy Girls (2000, directed by Steve Nevius)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

When I started watching The Rowdy Girls, I had high hopes for it because it was a western starring two of my favorite actresses, Shannon Tweed and the late Julie Strain.

Unfortunately, that hope vanished as soon as I saw the words “Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz presents.”  Yes, The Rowdy Girls is a Troma film and it begins with the dreaded Troma skyline.  Even among connoisseurs of crappy films, the Troma logo is often considered to be troubled.  Lloyd Kaufman may be one of the most likable and interesting people working in the indie film world and he deserves credit for being a pioneer of sorts but he and his company are also famous for distributing films that are often so bad as to be nearly unwatchable.

Rowdy Girls takes place in 1886.  Shannon Tweed, Julie Strain, and Deanna Brooks play three different but often unclothed women who all end up on the same stagecoach.  Tweed plays Velvet McKeznie, a prostitute who is disguised as a nun because she’s just ripped off one of her clients.  Brooks plays Sarah Foster, who is trying to escape from an arranged marriage.  And finally, Julie Strain plays Mick, the ruthless girlfriend of the outlaw Billy Poke (Daniel Murray), who is about to hold up the stagecoach, kill the local sheriff, and take everyone hostage.  Fortunately, the dead sheriff’s brother is close by so he sets off in pursuit of the outlaws and their hostages.  Throughout it all, a minstrel (Mark Adams) wanders through the film, playing a guitar and singing songs about the women and the old west.  The film also uses old school title cards to inform us of certain plot developments, which would make more sense if the rest of the film was shot in any way like a silent western.

The Rowdy Girls is a cheap Troma production through-and-through but, when compared to some of the other films that Troma has forced on the world, it’s not that bad.  It’s a cheap and abysmally-paced film but, at the same time, it also features Shannon Tweed dressed like a nun and Julie Strain playing an evil, whip wielding outlaw.  This is not a film for anyone looking for a serious or believable western but fans of Shannon Tweed and Julie Strain will get their money’s worth.  Tweed even gets to do a little bit of serious acting, when Velvet explains to Sarah why she’s pretending to be a nun.  As always, Tweed proves herself to be better than her material.

 

Cinemax Friday: Hard Vice (1994, directed by Joey Travolta)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Who doesn’t love some Hard Vice?

Someone’s killing businessman in Las Vegas and it’s up to the vice squad to figure out who.  Captain Bronski (James Gammon) knows that his cops are going to need some help so he brings in a detective named Joe (Sam J. Jones).  Joe is a tough-talking, hard-drinking modern day cowboy who even owns a hat.  He doesn’t think that women should be investigating major crimes and that brings him into conflict with his new partners, especially Andrea (Shannon Tweed).

Despite not being happy about having to work together, Joe and Andrea put aside their differences long enough to investigate the murders and fall in love.  They discover that all of the men used the same escort service.  Could the murderer be a pimp named Tony (Branscombe Richmond, who played Bobby Sixkiller on Renegade) or could it be a renegade prostitute (played by Rebecca FerattI) who is called Christy in the movie but who is listed as being named Allison in the end credits?  Or could it be someone closer to the vice squad?

Hard Vice is a typical late night Cinemax crime movie, heavy on the neon and the synthesized music but light on unexpected plot twists.  There are still a few things about the movie that set it apart from other movies of the era.  First off, this movie features a man armed only with a handgun managing to blow up a helicopter.  Secondly, even though the film is set in the 90s, the vice squad is stuck using bulky computers from the 80s and the scene where they use the computer to look up information on the victims has to be seen to be believed.  Finally, any movie that brings Shannon Tweed and Rebecca Feratti together is worthy of a little appreciation.  Toss in Sam J. Jones and James Gammon sounding like he’s been smoking six packs of cigarettes a day and you’ve got a film that’s almost worth watching.

Hard Vice was directed by Joey Travolta, who is best known for being John’s younger brother.  This was the first film he ever directed and, checking with the imdb, I was surprised to discover that he’s directed a lot more since.  Joey’s direction in Hard Vice isn’t that bad, though Las Vegas is one of those cities where it’s probably impossible not to come up with an interesting shot or two if you’re filming there.  Travolta tosses in a few flash forwards to make sure that we know we’re watching a real film and not just your run-of-the-mill neo-noir.  They don’t add much to the plot but when you’re trying to establish your auteur credentials, I guess you do what you have to do.